format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
refering to some of your comments beleieve me getting over this girl would have been much easier the thing that mostly reminds me of her is the position im in. Now im left in this position where no one is happy i cant believ i have to get on with my life and spend rest of my life with this person who i cant give any happiness to or get any abck as we dont understand eah other at all. I just sometime think i know i shouldnt but i think i had everything i wanted and because of what i did i had to throw it all away. Some days eventhough i dont wanna think of it because we always used to talk about marriage i think to my self how things could have been and what we could have had and how it could have been. I know i shouldnt i hate feeling like makes things worse but it plays so much in my mind and i hate my self for it. I just think lot of people end up getting married to the person they want or even if they dont get married to the person that they want at least they get married to some one on simiar level. But why and how come i have been chosen to live in this marriage where it just causing so much grief to so many people. I know i know i have read things to keep me calm and steadfat but my mind is all over the place i just keep have to battle with it all the time.
Allah Alone suffices Us. Your reward for taking care of your wife and trying your hardest to make her happy is in Heaven. Muslims are rewarded by their efforts. It may not work out to most super ideal marriage ever, but as long as you keep with obligations as a husband, that Allah commands, then you're alright. Try and communicate. My parents had a similar marriage. Astagfiruallah, from all the stories I've heard and things I've seen, life is crazy . By God, my parents have had 4 children and raised a business and family together. My mother was betrayed so many times. You know what she did? She toughened up. Even when the circumstances were the same.
If a person is punished on Earth, you have a chance to learn from your punishment, correct yourself and become an even better Muslim.
Don't hate yourself because good deeds come by force. You'll be surprised to learn:
Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir said: “I struggled against my own self for forty years until it became right.” Thaabit al-Banaani said: “I struggled for twenty years to make myself pray qiyaam al-layl, and I enjoyed it (qiyaam al-layl) for twenty years.” ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez said: “The best of deeds are those which we force ourselves to do.” ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Mubaarak said: “The souls of righteous people in the past used to push them to do good deeds, but our souls do not do what we want them to do except by force, so we have to force them.” Qutaadah said: “O son of Adam, if you do not want to do any good except when you have the energy for it, then your nature is more inclined towards boredom and laziness. The true believer is the one who pushes himself.”
I just feel so betrayed by everything thats happened I know i commited some sins in the past but those things only happened because i was so much in love with the other girl and wanted t spend rest of my life with her. I know i shouldnt have fallen in love and thats why we are warned about this things but i fell in to it too deep. But does that mean for those things i should live rest of my life unhappy and fight this life battle by myself. When i think of everything thats happened abroad torments me when ever i think of it i feel so hurt and angry like words cant describe.
Err, A relationship whose roots are in sin cannot bloom a pretty bloom.
I dont know how to move forward with things knowing that this is my life now for the rest of my life. I dont want to ruin another persons life and cause more pains and it really hurts me to know that thats all im doing at the moment hurting everyone around me. Its completely taken control of my life i can see it change me not for the better but for worse. I want to be nice to the girl belive me i really really do but its really hard everytime i speak to her i remember everything thats happened abroad and i just feel really angry and depressed believe me i do wish we could get along as at least it would make things easier where we both can get on with our life and build a marriage and give them the right they deserve.
I have been preying lots but for the last week i been so down its been so long that the marriage has been on the rocks because of the way i been i haven even got a proper job to get her here and i dont know how i be if she is here i dont know if i can live with her. I know marriage is such a sacret thing and at this moment Allah most look down at me and be very angry and i dont want to make allah more angry with me but i just dont know how to rectify for my mistake.
I cant just cant forgive my self for any of it some days i feel so suicidal (but i know i cant do anything cause its a sin) but somedays i get so angry i just ask Allah for death and than i get scared that allah probably think im ungreatful. I just think because i spoke to my friend when i got back and it brought feelings back and took me down memory lane allah probably really angry with me and thinks im treating this marriage as a joke. I just feel like its such a big big sin that i have commited speaking to her after i came back that i will never be forgiven for it no matter what i do. Somedays i miss my preyers i just get the feeling that allah doesnt want to listen to your preyers. I just feel so helpless at times i dont know where to turn to or what decision to make i just wanna run and hide.
i just feel like by each day i just make things worse for my self. I just feel like what ever i do in this situation im just gonna be punished for the rest of my life for it as i will have to live with the consequences of what ever the outcome may come out of it.
Sorry once again for taking so much of your time with my bitterness.
Your heart, body and mind may have a natural inclination. But Allah (swt) Knowledge is everywhere. He has left us with a Quran and the example of the Prophet, and every other righteous predecessor. You are not lost. You simply need to persevere and learn, pray, try, learn pray , try, ask for forgiveness, Ask for guidance. :)
human nature is inclined towards wrongdoing, so the one who follows his own inclinations will be led to doom and destruction. Allaah has commanded us to strive against our own selves, as He says (interpretation of the meanings):
“And strive hard in Allaah’s Cause as you ought to strive…” [al-Hajj 22:78]
“And as for those who strive hard in Our Cause, We will surely guide them to Our Paths. And verily, Allaah is with the muhsinoon (good-doers).” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]
Sorry about my chunky advice.
I hope it helps.
:w: