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Najm
11-13-2008, 04:27 PM
Auzubillahi-Minash shaitwaanir rajeem. Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

On Husband and Wife Relationship


By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.

When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey. The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.

The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel. Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'alaiahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"...

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray "O Allah let it be Hala."

...Source...

FiAmaaniAllah
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~Taalibah~
11-15-2008, 01:35 PM
:sl:

Masha'Allah. May we all remember this.Ameen.

Today many marriages are made and broken, so much. imsad
But Alhamdulillah, there still those that are strong and last.
:w:
Reply

Maimunah
11-15-2008, 02:56 PM
salaam

j/khayr

wasalaam
Reply

Najm
11-15-2008, 04:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:

Masha'Allah. May we all remember this.Ameen.

Today many marriages are made and broken, so much. imsad
But Alhamdulillah, there still those that are strong and last.
:w:
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Allahumma Ameen

FiSabilillah

Reply

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FREAK-A-ZOID
11-15-2008, 04:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:

Masha'Allah. May we all remember this.Ameen.

Today many marriages are made and broken, so much. imsad
But Alhamdulillah, there still those that are strong and last.
:w:
aaaaaaaaaaameen:bump1:
Reply

unknown_JJ
11-15-2008, 10:23 PM
kool
Reply

buddy1
11-18-2008, 09:37 AM
the first couple of paragraphs were beautiful!

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.

When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
Reply

kwolney01
12-03-2008, 02:51 AM
SubhanAllah!!

Simply amazing!!

Thanks for sharing this wonderful story so we can all benefit from it!!

Jazak Allah Khair
Reply

-Elle-
12-03-2008, 03:01 AM
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion,
I don't know why that struck me as very deep..


mash'Allah really good post, thanks for sharing!!!...
Reply

Eric H
12-03-2008, 01:24 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Najm; thank you for a wonderful story
She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
That is the kind of marriage partnership between two very good people searching for the best in each other. Sadly many of us fall short of being an ideal partner in a marriage, we often cause the other problems, and they cause us different problems in return.

Because we fall short of being the perfect partner we have to try harder to stay together, life pushes obstacles and events in the way. The longer I have been married the harder it seems to stay together, the harder we have to try for each other.

Often there are things about your partner that you find annoying, and they get more annoying every time they are repeated. It gets to the point that you can predict when these annoying things are going to happen because you know them so well. Somehow you have to find ways to accept all this with loving kindness, and strive to overcome all your angry feelings with forgiveness.

The reason I have to be willing to forgive is because I know for sure that I also own some very annoying habits that wind my wife up. Neither of us seem capable of changing much, some things seem to be in our nature.

After all the shouting is done, somehow we have to find ways to persevere in loving kindness. Marriage can be a real struggle when either or both parties lack perfection. I guess that is why many marriages end in divorce.

Relationships have to be one of the toughest things we strive towards, we do not really get any training, we might look on our parents and others as a role model. But no amount of training can prepare us for spending a life time with another person.

Despite all this I feel that a faithful relationship has to be a greatest gift.

In the spirit of praying for a peaceful and loving marriage.

Eric
Reply

Najm
12-06-2008, 03:30 PM
Peace be with you.....

format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
That is the kind of marriage partnership between two very good people searching for the best in each other. Sadly many of us fall short of being an ideal partner in a marriage, we often cause the other problems, and they cause us different problems in return.
That kind of relationship is always possible, people do fall short, and rather trying to find the CAUSE of the problems, we try to find the SOLTUIONS to the problem. Hence if one problem is solved then another problem is found. Furthermore, we as humans are not prepared to take blame rather fond the blame in the other.

format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
Because we fall short of being the perfect partner we have to try harder to stay together, life pushes obstacles and events in the way. The longer I have been married the harder it seems to stay together, the harder we have to try for each other.
Its hard because we make it HARD for ourselves, people will always make mistakes. Marriage is just not based on love, its alot of emotions from being merciful, to forgivess etc.

format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
Often there are things about your partner that you find annoying, and they get more annoying every time they are repeated. It gets to the point that you can predict when these annoying things are going to happen because you know them so well. Somehow you have to find ways to accept all this with loving kindness, and strive to overcome all your angry feelings with forgiveness.
Thats great, you cant except to love everything about that person!!!! Would let a 1000 things you love about that person affect you just because you hate 1 thing???... I though not!!:) Sometimes, its just about BREAKING that routine of doing the same thing everyday, maybe go for a short break, or like surprise them :D

format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
The reason I have to be willing to forgive is because I know for sure that I also own some very annoying habits that wind my wife up. Neither of us seem capable of changing much, some things seem to be in our nature.
It great to forgive, its part of marriage, try to ENJOY these annoying habits, and dont let SMALL things develop, stop it at the root :rollseyes

format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
After all the shouting is done, somehow we have to find ways to persevere in loving kindness. Marriage can be a real struggle when either or both parties lack perfection. I guess that is why many marriages end in divorce.
Perfection is what you perceive, marriage is always a struggle, but its even harder when you belief its hard!! I think they end in divorce is because people forget the foundations of marriage, forget why they married, forget all the great times, and they let 1 or 2 things spoil their lives!!! imsad

format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
Relationships have to be one of the toughest things we strive towards, we do not really get any training, we might look on our parents and others as a role model. But no amount of training can prepare us for spending a life time with another person.
Yeap thats soo true, people just get married and think everything is going to be perfect. The kind of training is in one's manners, and how they interact with people, how they are and if they make effort! Its about learning from other peoples mistakes and experiences, so then you dont do them yourself :)

Always be patient, always try your best to put as much effort as possible, give as much time as possible to your wife. You sound like doing a great job. I hope you continue working hard :rollseyes


Peace be with you
Reply

Faith.
12-06-2008, 04:38 PM
AssalamuAlaykum,

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.

When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
Masha'Allah thats beautiful...Reaaly struck me deep
Reply

Olive
12-06-2008, 04:50 PM
Masha'Allah that really is beautiful. The first few paragraphs were really sweet. :)

Jazak'Allah khair for sharing it with us bro. :)
Reply

Confused0122
12-07-2008, 07:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Najm
Auzubillahi-Minash shaitwaanir rajeem. Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

On Husband and Wife Relationship


By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.

When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey. The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable.

The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel. Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'alaiahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents" Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"...

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray "O Allah let it be Hala."

...Source...

FiAmaaniAllah
Wow, mashallah this was beautiful..
My mind has been polluted by the things in the media and ever since, I haven't been able to think about Islam as purely as it deserves to be thought about.. Things ranging from why the prophet s.a.w. married a nine yr old girl, to the idea that martyrs get hur al ayn/maidens in heaven.. I have always thought of wives as you summarized.. About how they live with their husband through good and bad times so I believe that the husband should honor her just as she should respect and honor him.. One thing that confuses me, however, is the ayat in Surah ar-Rahman and I think it's a hadith too, about getting maidens in jannah... if a woman lives her life with her husband and sometimes deals with his mood swings and problems, but also enjoys her life iwht him, then isn't she important to him? I don't understand why men would have other women in jannah.. Somebody posted somehting about how the one thing men wait for in jannah is the women and that is what they're happiest about, but if their own wives are the ones who have lived with them and endured good and bad with sabr and patience, then why do they want hurs in heaven? Are the hur al ayn better than the man's wife even if they haven't done anything while the wife has actually passed the test of this life? I'm just confused about how islam emphasizes the importance of being good to your wife, but also promises other women for men? Dr. Zakir Naik says that hurs have both genders, so men will be given women while women are given men.. I'm just really confused on every scholars interpretation.. PLEASE HELP because this has hindered me from loving my religion. Thanks
Reply

islamirama
12-07-2008, 08:10 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Confused0122
Wow, mashallah this was beautiful..
My mind has been polluted by the things in the media and ever since, I haven't been able to think about Islam as purely as it deserves to be thought about.. Things ranging from why the prophet s.a.w. married a nine yr old girl, to the idea that martyrs get hur al ayn/maidens in heaven.. I have always thought of wives as you summarized.. About how they live with their husband through good and bad times so I believe that the husband should honor her just as she should respect and honor him.. One thing that confuses me, however, is the ayat in Surah ar-Rahman and I think it's a hadith too, about getting maidens in jannah... if a woman lives her life with her husband and sometimes deals with his mood swings and problems, but also enjoys her life iwht him, then isn't she important to him? I don't understand why men would have other women in jannah.. Somebody posted somehting about how the one thing men wait for in jannah is the women and that is what they're happiest about, but if their own wives are the ones who have lived with them and endured good and bad with sabr and patience, then why do they want hurs in heaven? Are the hur al ayn better than the man's wife even if they haven't done anything while the wife has actually passed the test of this life? I'm just confused about how islam emphasizes the importance of being good to your wife, but also promises other women for men? Dr. Zakir Naik says that hurs have both genders, so men will be given women while women are given men.. I'm just really confused on every scholars interpretation.. PLEASE HELP because this has hindered me from loving my religion. Thanks
While a man will get many Hurs in jannah, a women would be made the queen of Jannah. Her beauty will far outshine the beauty of the hurs.

Umme Salamah R.A narrates that she said to Rasûlullah SAW "O Rasûlullah, are the women of this world superior or the hûrs?" He replied, "The women of this world will have superiority over the hûrs just as the outer lining of a garment has superiority over the inner lining."

Umme Salamah R.A then asked, "O Rasûlullah, what is the reason for this?" He answered, "Because they performed salâh, fasted, and worshipped [Allah]. Allah will put light on their faces and silk on their bodies. [The human women] will be fair in complexion and will wear green clothing and yellow jewelry. Their incense-burners will be made of pearls and their combs will be of gold. They will say, 'We are the women who will stay forever and we will never die. We are the women who will always remain in comfort and we will never undergo difficulty. We are the women who will stay and we will never leave. Listen, we are happy women and we will never become sad. Glad tidings to those men for whom we are and who are for us.'" (Tabrânî)

Muhammed ibn Ka'b Al-Qurazi t narrates from a person of the Ansâr (people of Madînah) that Rasûlullah SAW said, "I take the oath of that Being who sent me with the truth, you are not more acquainted with your wives and houses than the people of Jannat. A person of Jannat will come to 72 wives which Allah specially created in Jannat (hûrs) and 2 human wives. The human wives will have virtue over the [hûrs] because they worshipped Allah in the world.(Targheeb Vol.4 Pg.534)

This will be the high position of the women of the world in Jannah.

If a women had more than one husband, she will choose which one of them to stay with, and she will choose the one with the best character. As for those women who never married or their husband were mushriks, they will be allowed to marry whichever worldly man, they so wish, in Jannah. Thus every man in Jannah will have 2 wives from the world.

If we have full conviction in Allah's promise that he will fulfil our every desire in Jannah, then instead of worrying about what they will get in jannah, the women should concentrate their endeavours on pleasing Allah and thus getting to Jannah. As for pleasing us in Jannah, That is Allah responsibility, so he will do His and we should do ours. The greatest pleasure in Jannah for men and women will be the very pleasure of Allah. Everything else will be secondary.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best



Question:
What happens in paradise, with a couple who have been married. I have heard that the wife will be with her husband, but that the husband will in addition to her, have 70 women (hoors) at his service.
This to me does not seem like a fair concept for the women, to share their husbands in this way.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The believer must submit to the rulings and decrees of Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to Allaah (His Words, the Qur’aan) and His Messenger, to judge between them, is that they say: ‘We hear and we obey.’ And such are the successful (who will live forever in Paradise)”

[al-Noor 24:51]

If the believer is confused about anything in the rulings of Allaah, and he does not know what it means or what the reason behind it is, then he must say as those who are firmly grounded in knowledge say:

“We believe in it; the whole of it (clear and unclear Verses) are from our Lord”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:7 – interpretation of the meaning]

It is not permissible for the believer to say that one of the rulings of Allaah is not fair; exalted be Allaah far above that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your Lord is not at all unjust to (His) slaves”

[Fussilat 41:46]

There is no rule that is better than the rule of Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is not Allaah the Best of judges?”

[al-Teen 95:8]

“Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? And who is better in judgement than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith?”

[al-Maa’idah 5:50]

Secondly:

In this question there are two mistakes and a misunderstanding. The first mistake is where the questioner says that in Paradise a man will have seventy hoor ‘iyn. What is proven in the saheeh Sunnah is that the martyr (shaheed) will have seventy-two hoor ‘iyn. The least of the people of Paradise will have two wives, and some will have more than that.

It was narrated that al-Miqdaam ibn Ma’di Yakrib said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The martyr has six blessings with Allaah: he will be forgiven from the first drop of blood shed; he will be shown his place in Paradise; he will be protected from the torment of the grave; he will be safe from the greater terror; a crown of dignity will be placed on his head, one ruby of which is better than this world and everything in it; he will be married to seventy-two wives from al-hoor al-‘iyn; and he will intercede for seventy of his relatives.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1663; Ibn Maajah, 2799; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

And more than that has been narrated. Abu Na’eem narrated in Sifat al-Jannah from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will go to one hundred virgins in one day – i.e., in Paradise.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 367.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The lowest of the people of Paradise in status will be a man whose face Allaah will turn away from the Fire towards Paradise, and make a shady tree appear before him. … Then he will enter his house and his two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn will enter after him. They will say: ‘Praise be to Allah Who has created you for us and us for you.’ And he will say: ‘No one has been given the like of that which I have been given.’” Narrated by Muslim, 188.

Al-Haafiz said:

The apparent meaning is that the least that will be given to each of them will be two wives.

Thirdly:

The second mistake is the questioner’s saying that al-hoor al-‘iyn will serve the man. This is not correct, rather the ones who will serve the people of Paradise will be boys of everlasting youth. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And round about them will (serve) boys of everlasting youth. If you see them, you would think them scattered pearls”

[al-Insaan 76:19]

Al-hoor al-‘iyn will be wives of the men in Paradise, in addition to their wives from among the people of this world. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“So (it will be). And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes”

[al-Dukhaan 44:54]

“They will recline (with ease) on thrones arranged in ranks. And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes”

[al-Toor 52:20]

Fourthly:

The misunderstanding is when the questioner says: “This to me does not seem like a fair concept for the women, to share their husbands in this way.”

Fairness or justice is to be found in the rulings of sharee’ah, not in what a person thinks who does not know sharee’ah and its rulings, let alone the reasons behind them.

The sister who is asking this question thinks that the jealousy in her heart, and what it leads to of depression and sorrow will remain with her in Paradise, but this is not correct, and this is why there is this misunderstanding in her question.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We shall remove from their breasts any (mutual) hatred or sense of injury (which they had, if at all, in the life of this world); rivers flowing under them, and they will say: ‘All the praises and thanks be to Allaah, Who has guided us to this, and never could we have found guidance, were it not that Allaah had guided us! Indeed, the Messengers of our Lord did come with the truth.’ And it will be cried out to them: ‘This is the Paradise which you have inherited for what you used to do’”

[al-A’raaf 7:43]

There is nothing but joy and happiness in Paradise; there is no room for hatred and rancour in the hearts of the people of Paradise. Al-hoor al-‘iyn are something which Allaah has created to honour the people of Paradise and to increase their delight. Moreover a man will be given the strength of one hundred men for intercourse, so the large number will not have any effect on a woman, and her feelings towards her co-wives and her husband’s concubines will not be like her feelings in this world.

It was narrated that Zayd ibn Arqam said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “A man in Paradise will be given the strength of one hundred men in eating, drinking, desire and intercourse.” A Jewish man said: “The one who eats and drinks will need to relieve himself.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, “The way in which one of them will relieve himself will be by means of sweat which will come out through his pores, and thus the food in his stomach will be digested.”

“Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? And who is better in judgement than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith?”

[al-Maa’idah 5:50 – interpretation of the meaning]

Narrated by Ahmad, 18827; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan, 16/443; and by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1627.

It was narrated from Anas that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer in Paradise will be given such-and-such strength for intercourse.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allaah, will he really be able to do that?” He said, “He will be given the strength of a hundred (men).”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2536; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan, 16/413; and by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 8106.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Reply

Confused0122
12-07-2008, 09:23 PM
thanks for trying to help but this has made everything worse.. Besides the whole concept of women not having jealousy in their hearts, why do the men deserve 72 women.. what do they need so many women for? Aren't their wives enough? Let's say the women do not have jealousy in their hearts, why are the men rewarded like this? Shouldn't the women also be rewarded alike then, if Allah s.w.t. says that they are equaL? What I don;t undersand is that we emphasize modesty and make sure that women don't become sexual objects, but isn't this exactly what they will be considered by the men? They look forward to women in jannah for that sole purpose.. I don't understand...
Reply

Confused0122
12-07-2008, 09:24 PM
why should the man have so many wives while the wife is stuck with the same man? Also, the man is not the only one who has struggled in this life, women are humans too who must endure the same if not more.
Reply

islamirama
12-07-2008, 09:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Confused0122
why should the man have so many wives while the wife is stuck with the same man? Also, the man is not the only one who has struggled in this life, women are humans too who must endure the same if not more.
I don't think you are getting the bigger picture. Making to jannah is the first thing. Once you make it there, you can have anything you want. If you want 72 husbands, then go ahead and ask Allah for it. The bottom line is that those who make it to jannah are rewarded by what they desire and want. We know men desire women so they are granted more than one wife. We also know women don't desire men as much but rather desires other things like gold, jewelry, beauty, etc. So everyone will get what they desire. And not every man will get 72 hoors as you stated. It is only for the for the shaheed, who have given up their life, women, wealth, world, etc for the sake of Allah. Anyways, as stated before...

If we have full conviction in Allah's promise that He will fulfil our every desire in Jannah, then instead of worrying about what they will get in jannah, the women should concentrate their endeavours on pleasing Allah and thus getting to Jannah. As for pleasing us in Jannah, That is Allah's responsibility, so He will do His and we should do ours. The greatest pleasure in Jannah for men and women will be the very pleasure seeing of Allah. Everything else is secondary.
Reply

Eric H
12-07-2008, 10:47 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Najm, thanks for your reply,
Its about learning from other peoples mistakes
I wish it were that easy, I repeat and practice my mistakes so often that one day I will be able to do all my mistakes perfectly.:-[

I guess most of us know the theory that makes for a good marriage, but knowing and doing are very different.

In the spirit of praying for a peaceful marriage free of all anxiety,

Eric
Reply

Najm
01-27-2009, 10:46 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Najm, thanks for your reply,

I wish it were that easy, I repeat and practice my mistakes so often that one day I will be able to do all my mistakes perfectly.:-[

I guess most of us know the theory that makes for a good marriage, but knowing and doing are very different.

In the spirit of praying for a peaceful marriage free of all anxiety,

Eric
Peace be on to you Eric

I'd like to apologize for the late reply. Furthemore you have the manners of a Muslim, maybe your a Muslim at heart, and may you be guided.

I agree with that, theory in all aspects is really hard to put into life. No-one is perfect, but that doesnt mean we shouldnt try. And this is the point im trying to make.

Yes we all make mistakes, and we will continue to make mistakes, but if our firm intention is there that Allah will guide us, and that we try our upmost to be perfect as possible, then surely we will overcome our burdens.

Marriage is certainly peaceful when we put our efforts to actively strive for perfection. When both spouses work together with one another in trying to solve issues, and learning from each other as well as both keeping the same frame of mind it works.

Islam teaches us, to be upper most kind and be delicate to our wives.

I wish you the best with your marriage to be peaceful.

Peace...
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