Serious Help!!!

[noorain]

:sl:
I recently got engaged a couple months ago to a guy that I have hated deep down in my heart for all my life. I agreed to it only b/c of family pressure, (which was wrong on my part but i wasn't strong enough) he was a hafiz and everything great to them, but no one new the truth. I figured he changed and gave in, but i was wrong. Long story short i forced my dad to end the whole thing a month a ago but my life has been hell ever since. B/c the guy was family, everyone is talkin tryin to spread rumors tryin to put a stain on my life includin the guy. I told my family that he wasn't a good guy, ect. but my mom knows there is more. shes on me every day to tell her but i can't i fell so embarrassed, even though i know i didn't do anything wrong, and i feel like its goin to make things worse. My dad on the other hand thinks i'm the one that did something wrong.Everything is getting so out of control, i'm so depressed and i just need advise.
I did istahara before and am doing now but i'm so lost
I'v kept this secret for more 13 years, and i feel like if i tell someone they wont even believe me.
and if they do than that will be the end of the guy... and i cant have that on my head .. no matter how much i hate him i still fear allah more!!!

[Ansariyah]

Sis what did he do to u? Sounds very serious, im just taking a wild guess, did he rape you or abuse you in a molesting way?imsad If I am wrong I apologize n will edit my post immediately.

[Sahabiyaat]

im thinking the same...^

we dont want to speculate, its better you tell us.

If your that uncomfortable, quickly tell us, once people have offered advice, just edit your post.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

then keep the secret, aint like anyones being harmed.

seek refuge in Allaah from any bad temptations

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[Zahida]

:sl: I agree with Mz keep the secret do not dig up the past and cause more damage to yourself and others. Whats gone is gone if he has sinned and you have kept it hidden all this time no good will come from bringing it out now.
Allah is watching, seeing,hearing and if has committed a sin/crime he will be punished accordingly.

You must let this go for the sake of many people including yourself you have chosen not to marry him and if you are from a typical pakistani family they will give you grief and probably never let you forget this. But you now have to stand firm with your decision.

No disrepect to any [IpakistanisI] but this is the norm.............. :w:

[Riyadh-ul-Jannah]

:sl:

Firstly I think if there are any secrets then they should stay secret.
I hope all that is happening to you will soon stop, and I suggest you pray to Allah s.w.t for help.

:w:

[~Taalibah~]

:sl:
I recently got engaged a couple months ago to a guy that I have hated deep down in my heart for all my life. I agreed to it only b/c of family pressure, (which was wrong on my part but i wasn't strong enough) he was a hafiz and everything great to them, but no one new the truth. I figured he changed and gave in, but i was wrong. Long story short i forced my dad to end the whole thing a month a ago but my life has been hell ever since. B/c the guy was family, everyone is talkin tryin to spread rumors tryin to put a stain on my life includin the guy. I told my family that he wasn't a good guy, ect. but my mom knows there is more. shes on me every day to tell her but i can't i fell so embarrassed, even though i know i didn't do anything wrong, and i feel like its goin to make things worse. My dad on the other hand thinks i'm the one that did something wrong.Everything is getting so out of control, i'm so depressed and i just need advise.
I did istahara before and am doing now but i'm so lost
I'v kept this secret for more 13 years, and i feel like if i tell someone they wont even believe me.
and if they do than that will be the end of the guy... and i cant have that on my head .. no matter how much i hate him i still fear allah more!!!

:sl:
Sister, if you dont like him, you dont. Stand firm with your decision. Better that you did break the engagement then got married and then broke it. This is your life and if your parents dont understand, and you cant tell them the reason make sincere Dua and ask Allah Ta'aala for his help. Also, make two Rakats salaah with the intention of Allah Ta'aala granting you guidance and aiding you in your situation. Allah Ta'aal will help you, sister.

:w:

[noorain]

thank you for all u'r advise
and yes u guessed right...I can never make my self say it but thats what he has done to me
:(
i was very young when it happened, and was too stupid not to tell anyone and now even though the thought of it tortures me i think no one will believe.
Plz keep me in all u'r duas...

[Ansariyah]

I don't understand why the above postas are asking you to keep this secret hidden. Sista, the guy shud be locked up n punished severely for what he has done to u.

Since it's been ages ago I dunno if u have kept any evidence to proof wat he has done? imsad

I'm so sorry sister..imsad May Allah protect u ameen.

[Zahida]

:sl: I believe very firmly that it will be her word against his......... She has already fallen out with family and if i am guessing right the situation clearly tells me that she will NOT be believed. That is the way it will go against her. She remained silent for THIRTEEN years. How is it going to look now with her present situation.

I do believe in justice and justice will be done but not by you, me or anyone else but Allah. I feel that if she says something now it will only fall against her.............

May Allah give her sabur and patience and guide her......... Ameen.:w:

I don't understand why the above postas are asking you to keep this secret hidden. Sista, the guy shud be locked up n punished severely for what he has done to u.

Since it's been ages ago I dunno if u have kept any evidence to proof wat he has done? imsad

I'm so sorry sister..imsad May Allah protect u ameen.

[Banu_Hashim]

This guy sounds like a prat. Don't worry you havn't done anything wrong. Maybe confide in your parents or a close friend if not anyone else... It might help you deal with everything instead of bottling it up inside..

Take care..

[noorseeker]

correct me if im wrong , average age of gettin married, maybe 23, so 13 years ago he was 10 years old, bet im wrong , or is he in hs 30's.,

No exuses for him, whatever age, see how hard it is to bring it up,

[aiyesha]

sis jus keep sabr n keep faith in allah inshallah it will be ur word against his if u choose to tell ur family abou it.

[noorain]

I agree w/ all of u... those r the exact thoughts i have
i was 6 years old when this whole thing happened and i didn't even know what to think
and once i was old enough to figure it out i figured i would leave it to Allah to get revenge... thats y till this day i didn't tell any one
and No i dont have any evidence only my world on mouth
I just cant help blame my self for everything, I dont know where i went wrong to deserve all this.
Inshallah i'm goin to tell someone before i do something stupid.
thank you all
and may Allah bless u all for your kind hearted support and advise
it trully means alot me

[noorain]

he's 10 years older than me

[Zahida]

:sl: So he would have been about 16 and fully aware of what he was doing.......... Darling my main concerns are that you are not on good terms with your family and if you choose to bring this up now they will not believe you i say this because of the whole marraige business.

However you must talk to someone about this even if you go to some kind of womens help group otherwise you will never free yourself from these thoughts. You have to get rid of what is haunting you in order to gain from your life.

Am sorry for this situation May Allah protect you and guide you little one. You must carry on thinking positive............... and believe that what has happened was not your fault and you are practising so you must keep your faith in Allah. Little one it is he who has committed the crime not you and he will be punished.

Now you have to concentrateon your future and make the best of it.Wish i could give you a hug. Tcxx:w:

[noorseeker]

Sister, lke sister zahida said, you need to go to some sort of womens group, i know it was 13 years ago. but we see it still affects you, so you need to let go of it and come to terms that you are innocent, you were not to blame.

Sister I have nieces around that age, it makes me so angry, kids are so pure at that age, i hope he feels reaaly realy really ashamed of him self

[noorain]

i can't help but read u'r posts r cry
thank u
i was actually in very good terms with the family until this whole thing happened... me and mom r best friends, i'v told her everything... and i've always been my dad's girl
but since this whole thing i'v just sheltered my self
i'm not my self, i'v lost focus in every thing
i have actually tried to get help i went a local mosque and talked confidentially to an Islamic counselor.. but he/she just made me feel worse b/c apparently he/she said that what happened to me Islamicly is a result of something i did.
After hearing that i'v become even weaker.

[noorain]

sorry for all the errors... didn't over-read my post

[julie sarri]

sister first of all it was not something you did to make that happen to you because you were only 6 at the time lol so put these things out of your head you are not to blame. And he at 16 would have been totaly awear of what he was doing inshallah affter a cooling off period your parents will calm down make as much du'a as you can and even if you dont tell anyone Allah swt knows what he did and he will have to answer for this act oneday

[Zahida]

:sl: I am truely sorry but this counselling at the mosque, was totally insane, babe there are institutions where you can get recieve help and if you have the Muslim directory you can find associations to near where you live, even if you are able to speak to someone on the phone, but talk to a woman.

If you want to private message me and tell me where you live, i can look in the directory and give you some contact numbers.:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

Hey noorain,
I dont really know where to begin with this!
But I just want you to know that I understand exactly how you feel because I'm in a similar situation myself. I am 18 years old and I have a cousin who's a year older than me and he always has to harass me every chance he gets. Its really upsetting for me and I have kept this a secret from everyone for so many years now. I have no idea what to do about it! Since our families get on quite well, I have a horrible feeling that sometime in the future the suggestion will come up of us getting married and to be honest, I really dont know how I would respond if it were ever to happen. My parents are not the type to emotionally blackmail me or force me into a marriage but I am still dreading the day when it might happen.

I just know that I would never tell my family about it though, dont think I could ever go through with it.. not sure how I would even bring it up! It took me soo long to eventually confide in my best friend who is also my cousin and I felt so much better because finally I had someone to talk to! She understands what I tell her and whenever I talk to her I feel like a big weight is lifted off me. My reason for not wanting to tell is that mine and his familys are very close and if this were to get out, I know for sure there will be a breakup big time and my cousin will be in deep crap. But though I know he deserves it, I dont want to do that to him (call me crazy i know) all his family who are sooo good to me.. I just cant.

I am not the type of person to sit and cry but am getting all teary eyed as i write this now and i'm sorry I dont have any advice to give you but I want you to know you'll be in my duas... hope you get through this ok.

[786rani]

Age ant the past are not barriers in justice. If you do not want to marry him, you blatantly refuse. After what he has put you through. Do you want to live with this forever?
rani

[kwolney01]

I don't understand why the above postas are asking you to keep this secret hidden. Sista, the guy shud be locked up n punished severely for what he has done to u.

Since it's been ages ago I dunno if u have kept any evidence to proof wat he has done? imsad

I'm so sorry sister..imsad May Allah protect u ameen.

I agree, he should be punished for this horrible act. I'm so sorry for what he did to you. This is a really hurtful situation and I would be scared too. I hope you can find somebody you can tell and InshAllah they will believe you.

I wish you all the best sister!! Stay strong!

Jazak Allah Khair

[kwolney01]

Hey noorain,
I dont really know where to begin with this!
But I just want you to know that I understand exactly how you feel because I'm in a similar situation myself. I am 18 years old and I have a cousin who's a year older than me and he always has to harass me every chance he gets. Its really upsetting for me and I have kept this a secret from everyone for so many years now. I have no idea what to do about it! Since our families get on quite well, I have a horrible feeling that sometime in the future the suggestion will come up of us getting married and to be honest, I really dont know how I would respond if it were ever to happen. My parents are not the type to emotionally blackmail me or force me into a marriage but I am still dreading the day when it might happen.

I just know that I would never tell my family about it though, dont think I could ever go through with it.. not sure how I would even bring it up! It took me soo long to eventually confide in my best friend who is also my cousin and I felt so much better because finally I had someone to talk to! She understands what I tell her and whenever I talk to her I feel like a big weight is lifted off me. My reason for not wanting to tell is that mine and his familys are very close and if this were to get out, I know for sure there will be a breakup big time and my cousin will be in deep crap. But though I know he deserves it, I dont want to do that to him (call me crazy i know) all his family who are sooo good to me.. I just cant.

I am not the type of person to sit and cry but am getting all teary eyed as i write this now and i'm sorry I dont have any advice to give you but I want you to know you'll be in my duas... hope you get through this ok.

Ohh sis...

Your not crazy for not wanting to say anything. If I were put in this situation I would really want to say something..but then I wouldn't want to re-live that again and have to deal with everyone knowing.

Stay strong sister!!

Jazak Allah Khair

[noorain]

Hey noorain,
I dont really know where to begin with this!
But I just want you to know that I understand exactly how you feel because I'm in a similar situation myself. I am 18 years old and I have a cousin who's a year older than me and he always has to harass me every chance he gets. Its really upsetting for me and I have kept this a secret from everyone for so many years now. I have no idea what to do about it! Since our families get on quite well, I have a horrible feeling that sometime in the future the suggestion will come up of us getting married and to be honest, I really dont know how I would respond if it were ever to happen. My parents are not the type to emotionally blackmail me or force me into a marriage but I am still dreading the day when it might happen.

I just know that I would never tell my family about it though, dont think I could ever go through with it.. not sure how I would even bring it up! It took me soo long to eventually confide in my best friend who is also my cousin and I felt so much better because finally I had someone to talk to! She understands what I tell her and whenever I talk to her I feel like a big weight is lifted off me. My reason for not wanting to tell is that mine and his familys are very close and if this were to get out, I know for sure there will be a breakup big time and my cousin will be in deep crap. But though I know he deserves it, I dont want to do that to him (call me crazy i know) all his family who are sooo good to me.. I just cant.

I am not the type of person to sit and cry but am getting all teary eyed as i write this now and i'm sorry I dont have any advice to give you but I want you to know you'll be in my duas... hope you get through this ok.

:sl:
thats pretty much EXACTLY my situation, r families r very close as well, and thats y i dont want to tell them cuz its going to break them up
and plus i dont even know how to start telling someone
thank u for u'r post i know its stupid but i feel a little better knowing i'm not the only one w/ this situation.
thank q for u'r duas sister

[noorain]

:sl: I am truely sorry but this counselling at the mosque, was totally insane, babe there are institutions where you can get recieve help and if you have the Muslim directory you can find associations to near where you live, even if you are able to speak to someone on the phone, but talk to a woman.

If you want to private message me and tell me where you live, i can look in the directory and give you some contact numbers.:w:

:sl:
I actually live in the states, but i'v been in Malaysia for a couple of months since this whole thing happened w/ my parents, they thought it would be better if i left the states where the guy is at for a little while and just get away from the whole thing... even though its not working
my problem is that i dont wanna go to the mosques or islamic places where i live cuz everyone knows me there and even though its the mosque people still talk
i'm just thinkin that my best resort is telling my mom, i just need enough courage to tell her imsad
thank for u'r adivse
:w:

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you AnonymousGender;

I am so sorry to hear your story and the thought that you might also have to face the same problem as noorain. If you have a close relationship with your parents, the chances are you are correctly guessing what they propose to do about your future marriage.

I know for sure there will be a breakup big time and my cousin will be in deep crap. But though I know he deserves it, I dont want to do that to him

There is a way to bring this up with your parents after prayer. You can say something along the lines of, I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to do anything about it, because I cannot offer any proof it happened. I can only tell you my side of the story.

In a way you then have to put your trust in Allah and your parents and pray they will do what is best for you, your cousin, his family and themselves.

And you have Zahida wishing to give you all a big hug.:)

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you noorain, there are some wonderful and caring people on this forum praying for you, and you are in my prayers too.

Your parents sound as if they would want what is best for you, they may well know that you have not told them everything and they are waiting patiently. They may also feel deeply troubled knowing something is wrong but not knowing what it is.

Maybe you need to start by saying sorry to your parents, sorry that you have been deeply troubled for so many years and unable and frightened to say anything before. Sorry that it has caused so many problems between you and your families.

If you said to your parents I want this man punished for what he did, that would cause them a lot of problems. But if you approached your parents after prayer, you can say something like, I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to do anything about it, because I cannot offer any proof it happened. I can only tell you my side of the story.

In a way you then have to put your trust in Allah and your parents and pray they will do what is best for you, your cousin, his family and themselves.

It will be the most difficult thing you have done in your life, but in your heart you already know you should tell your parents.

And you have Zahida wishing to give you a big hug.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

[Zahida]

:sl: Ok little one what you need to do is talk to someone, away from your home, town city or even somewhere that you are close to ,talk and recieve some kind of counselling and support. Talk to your mother and i hope it helps you little one because your mother is the one person you should feel comfortable with in discussing anything........... Find the courage and do it. At least you know you will have done the right thing. Just abit disturbed for you little one i hope your family are understanding when you tell them...... I wish you all the best and pray that Allah eases your difficulties and replaces them with happiness and ease Ameen. Summ Ameen:w::bump1:

:sl:
I actually live in the states, but i'v been in Malaysia for a couple of months since this whole thing happened w/ my parents, they thought it would be better if i left the states where the guy is at for a little while and just get away from the whole thing... even though its not working
my problem is that i dont wanna go to the mosques or islamic places where i live cuz everyone knows me there and even though its the mosque people still talk
i'm just thinkin that my best resort is telling my mom, i just need enough courage to tell her imsad
thank for u'r adivse
:w:

[noorain]

thank u all for all u'r prayers.... I can't thank u guys enough!!
I finally god enough courage to tell my mum i just told her lightly without going into any details and after hours of crying she completely understood me.

[Ar-RaYYan]

thank u all for all u'r prayers.... I can't thank u guys enough!!
I finally god enough courage to tell my mum i just told her lightly without going into any details and after hours of crying she completely understood me.

wow mashallah i'm soooo happy for you sis:statisfie
may allah ease ur pain sis and inshallah you will get ur justice on the day of judgement. :)

[Zahida]

:sl: After every hardship comes ease........... MashaAllah now it's time to move forward little one............

May Allah watch over you protect you have Mercy on you and guide you to the straight path. Ameen.xxx:):w:

[anonymous]

I'm glad you sorted things out and told your mum.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you noorain;

I am so pleased you have spoken to your mum, it will be easier from now on to be more open with her.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric