Marriage in the state of burden and idda

[Fahmed92]

Asalamu aleykum dear brothers and sisters.
I have once been married and got divorced with my husband more than a year ago. Approximately 6 and a half month ago I met another man who I fell in love with and who proposed for me. The problem was that we both came from different tribes and in our society it was not preferred to do intermarriages. So me and him knew that it would be hard for our families to accept. Nevertheless we decided to move on slowly and present our will to our families after we knew each other for a while. Me and him got along very good. He was very understanding, patient, open, religious and everything what I was looking for in a man. At the beginning of this month I told him that it was the right time to tell his family about our issue. After telling his mother things started to get very bad. His mother got very angry on him and was even sent to hospital for two days because of this. Seeing his mom like this he decided to pretend that we weren't together no more just so his mother wouldn't go sick again and we can just get married without them knowing. Even though he pretended that we were not together anymore his family tried to force him to marry another girl from his tribe which he didn't want to. Thus we needed to reduce our contact for a while until everything with us was set (me and him were living in different countries so we had to wait till he moved to my country) to not cause further complications in his family. After that things started to get so pressure on me and I knew that there was still my family to convince too. My feelings for the guy never changed and I never thought of breaking the promise of marriage which I gave him but it just happened that my ex-husband got to get my contact number somehow and called me. At first I refused to talk to him but he kept on calling me and since I needed someone to talk (since my fiancée had his own problems and couldn't contact me often) I decided to accept a meeting with my ex-husband. Well when I met him he just started to talk about our marriage, what has happened to us and if I could give him another chance. By saying this I got really angry on him and just walked away cause I didn't want to go back to him and this life again. The next day he called me again and suddenly I just agreed to give it another chance. Till now I really don't know what made me say that and I don't know why I agreed. I just saw myself doing it. Anyways I got married to my ex-husband again but we decided to not tell the family yet and we were still living separated. Some days after the nikaah I had intercourse with him and then I began to realize that I was doing wrong and that my fiancée who didn't know about this all was still preparing our wedding. Me after realizing that I betrayed him in a way broke up with him and just told him a lie and said that I was breaking up since the family issue was getting too much for us cause I didn't know how to tell him. He tried to convince me and asked me so much to make my mind up since he didn't know the main reasons. After some days the marriage with my ex-husband got really a burden for me and I decided to break up with him. I told him that I wanted to get divorced and he said that he will divorce me if that makes me happy. The next day my former fiancée called me and I had no way but telling him the truth. He got very very disappointed but said that he could forgive me since he couldn't be there for me and that he still loved me and wanted to be marry (only under the condition that I didn`t want to be with my husband out of free will). My husband will divorce me tomorrow inshallah and I want to go back to my former fiancée but I think can't marry him now since there might be the idda which has to pass. My question now is: Since this all happened within one and a half week and my mind wasn`t really fixed when i accepted my ex-husband. Do I still need to go through idda, even though we don't live together, I don't get financial means from him and we just had one intercourse and after that I got my period so I didn't get pregnant from him? And if there's no way in avoiding the idda is there a way that me and my former fiancée can still talk to each other like before including topics of marriage, as I know very sure that I will get married to him right after the idda insha ALLAH and as I really regret what I have done and as I don`t want to feel him alone with his family problems nor hurt his feelings more by staying away from him.

Thanks in advance for your advice and support. Wa aleykum salaam

[Snowflake]

asslaamu alaykum

Where is the wali? I'm trying to understand who (imaam) allowed you to remarry your first husband. From what I've read you can only return to husband within the idah period. After that you cannot remarry him until you've married another man who divorces you (but not intentionally to let you remarry first husband.)

However i'm not qualified in matters of fiqh, so you need to consult a scholar sis. There's also the issue of keeping a marriage secret which goes against the prophet's saw commands. Please make sure you seek advice from a reputable scholar inshaAllah.

You can ask online too.

www.islamonline.net
www.islamqa.com

[Fahmed92]

I have married him in the presence of witnesses and a imaam. And since he did only divorced me once i can marry him without beeing married to another man before.