Advice on family problems : anger mgmt and divorce

[atownsuga]

Okay so i just have worries, questions about the situation i feel my family is in.

My dad is really great to us (his kids) but to my mom he really screams at her for the very little things, we have to go to our church every single day just because he said so, if we have maybe some homework to do and can not go he would get mad and yell at my mom(not us!!),
if my mom asks/tells him she is going to the movies then he will get mad that we did not go to church and that why the heck are we going to the movies and said no: but we still went to the movies and when we came back he was just yelling at my mom that the situation is getting out of his hand and stuff like that.

My parents don't really have such a good relationship. My mom does everything and so much for my dad but yet he doesn't feel she's good enough for him. He sometimes says stuff to put her down (sometimes jokingly but it really isn't funny) like she's illiterate and stuff or shes so fat and ugly, etc.

I sometimes want to go hang out with my friends but he doesn't allow it so we just have stopped asking and i just tell my mom and she will just hide it by saying that i am gone for some school stuff or something, etc.
My dad is also very big on thinking about others before us like other family members and making sure they do not feel bad but no matter how bad we feel.

He is also too much on family like if a family member says something about his daughters he just believes them and get mad at us, etc.
I sometimes feel he love his kids more than his wife which really hurts us, especially me because whenever i see or hear them argue and fight, and see my mom all upset i just cry at night thinking they should get a divorce so my mom could live freely and peacefully than have to worry about what he is going to think about every little thing. Also before just a few years ago i know i can remember very well that one time my mom was crying so much because of how my dad had yelled at her about not going to church and just really plain stupid stuff at times.

And he just puts his family like mother, sister, brothers, etc before us (especially my mother).

Is my thinking about their divorce right?
Does my dad need anger management?

And I am 18 years old at the moment and i have an older sister 20 who is engaged. And for college in 2 years maybe I want to move out but i just love my mom too much that i just can't leave her here to suffer alone. It's not like i do not love my dad but i love my mom to death and its is way more than i love my dad.
P.S. I am indian/paki and muslim living in the usa.


Please give my your suggestions. Thank you
Shukriya


All this yelling in the house really makes it frustrated for a while and i have told him before that he needs to stop screaming at my mom and he says yes he will stop but later the same thing happens. And this stuff doesn't happen so frequently but when it does it does frustrate the whole house. :/
he is never physically violent

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

Thread approved.

[glo]

Out of interest, are you the only Muslim in your family?
You mention going to church - so I expect at least some members in your family are Christian ...

[Zahida]

:sl: So sorry for you to have to witness all this, and concerned for the welfare of your family.

It is good that you have spoken to your father and that for a while he manages to control himself. I advise that you try talking to him as a family with all of you present and tell him poliely and softly that you feel he is destroying you as a family............................

Also i hope that you pray. When you do please ask Allah to guide your father, it is said that when someone else prays for you, you have a stronger chance of your prayers being answered.

Anger management is an option if your father agrees...........

It just sounds like he is set in his ways and finds it difficult to change. Without any disrespect to your father (cos i don't know him) it sounds like he is the Insecure figure in yourhousehold and needs to put his authority forward to make himself feel better.

I pray that Allah guides your father and eases your difficulties. Ameen.xx:w::bump1:

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[atownsuga]

Okay so i just have worries, questions about the situation i feel my family is in.

My dad is really great to us (his kids) but to my mom he really screams at her for the very little things, we have to go to our church every single day just because he said so, if we have maybe some homework to do and can not go he would get mad and yell at my mom(not us!!),
if my mom asks/tells him she is going to the movies then he will get mad that we did not go to church and that why the heck are we going to the movies and said no: but we still went to the movies and when we came back he was just yelling at my mom that the situation is getting out of his hand and stuff like that.

My parents don't really have such a good relationship. My mom does everything and so much for my dad but yet he doesn't feel she's good enough for him. He sometimes says stuff to put her down (sometimes jokingly but it really isn't funny) like she's illiterate and stuff or shes so fat and ugly, etc.

I sometimes want to go hang out with my friends but he doesn't allow it so we just have stopped asking and i just tell my mom and she will just hide it by saying that i am gone for some school stuff or something, etc.
My dad is also very big on thinking about others before us like other family members and making sure they do not feel bad but no matter how bad we feel.

He is also too much on family like if a family member says something about his daughters he just believes them and get mad at us, etc.
I sometimes feel he love his kids more than his wife which really hurts us, especially me because whenever i see or hear them argue and fight, and see my mom all upset i just cry at night thinking they should get a divorce so my mom could live freely and peacefully than have to worry about what he is going to think about every little thing. Also before just a few years ago i know i can remember very well that one time my mom was crying so much because of how my dad had yelled at her about not going to church and just really plain stupid stuff at times.

And he just puts his family like mother, sister, brothers, etc before us (especially my mother).

Is my thinking about their divorce right?
Does my dad need anger management?

And I am 18 years old at the moment and i have an older sister 20 who is engaged. And for college in 2 years maybe I want to move out but i just love my mom too much that i just can't leave her here to suffer alone. It's not like i do not love my dad but i love my mom to death and its is way more than i love my dad.
P.S. I am indian/paki and muslim living in the usa.


Please give my your suggestions. Thank you
Shukriya


All this yelling in the house really makes it frustrated for a while and i have told him before that he needs to stop screaming at my mom and he says yes he will stop but later the same thing happens. And this stuff doesn't happen so frequently but when it does it does frustrate the whole house. :/
he is never physically violent

NO I AM NOT TO THE ONLY MUSLIM ACTUALLY I AM SHIA MUSLIM SO WE HAVE JAMAT KHANAS.. my whole family is muslim (shiite and a few are sunnis(converted))

[glo]

NO I AM NOT TO THE ONLY MUSLIM ACTUALLY I AM SHIA MUSLIM SO WE HAVE JAMAT KHANAS.. my whole family is muslim (shiite and a few are sunnis(converted))

Thank you for clarifying that.
I am sorry that I misunderstood.
You mentioned 'going to church', and that confused me ...

[atownsuga]

Thank you for clarifying that.
I am sorry that I misunderstood.
You mentioned 'going to church', and that confused me ...

oh i am sorry about that. :)

[syilla]

:salamext:

i know is hard on you and the kids. I salute your mom...because she is so strong.

My advise is the best way is to tell one iman...for an advise and ask him if he can help your family out. :)

[atownsuga]

im sorry but who is iman? or do you mean to say a man?? sry
and thanks for the reply

[syilla]

the imaan of your masjid

[Khalil_Allah]

maybe she is meaning to say Imam. Just the leader of your jamaat khana. I don't know for ismaili, but at sunni masjids the leader is called the Imam.

The point is to talk to someone who is a religious expert. Even if you are ismaili, you can go to a sunni masjid and talk to someone about advice. From what I understand from some ismaili friends, the community is usually really tight and if you talk to someone in it about problems, it will likely pass around the community that your family is having issues.

However, if you do go to a sunni masjid for advice, just try to talk to the Imam one-on-one. I don't know about where you are, but here they are usually very open and helpful when someone is seeking advice.