anti social

[anonymous]

i hate meeting/talking to people because i simply just dont know how to. i cant keep a conversation going to save my life. even with family when speaking to them on the phone. i dont like to answer the phone/speak to them because i just dont know how to keep the convo going.
my social skills are practically dead, which makes me antisocial and too afarid to talk to people, because i just dont know how to.
i even like it when people dominate the convosation becuse that means i basically have to listen. :-[
i dont mind not talking to people, its just the fact that i cannot that bothers me.

[S_87]

is this with people who are you also know well or do you tend to be tongue tied with mostly strangers/people you dont talk to very often/ have nothing in common with?

[nebula]

hi bro/sis,

walahi i am just like you, i cannot talk to people for long periods of time, i hate other peoples company not because i hate them but just because i dont know how to interact with them or socialise at all, nd my confidence is just 0.

I swear you basically described how i feel..

i dnt think i can offer you any advice because i need it myself still, but i can tell you ur not alone.

[Argamemnon]

I'm the same. I always hide within my mind when I'm with people. I never feel a connection, I always look away, put my head down, turn my body away from people etc. People don't feel very comfortable around me, I can see and feel this. It's the way I am, I feel that it is beyond my control. I'm very internally minded. I live in my own head, I can't relate to the world.

I have so many thoughts, I think and feel so much that I can't cope with external stimulation. All these thoughts and emotions prevent me from relating to other people and the outside world. I just don't have energy left for that..

My own thoughts and emotions are so strong that they seem to replace interaction with real human beings. I have a very rich inner world. I can think of something and laugh on my own, for example. Other people usually laugh when they see things or hear jokes from other people, because their brain works differently. Their brain is directed to the outside/external world.

I have thought about this a lot lately. My conclusion is that for some reason, my brain is extremely sensitive to external stimulation. My mind is too busy. I was born this way. Allah knows best.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[anonymous]

i hate meeting/talking to people because i simply just dont know how to. i cant keep a conversation going to save my life. even with family when speaking to them on the phone. i dont like to answer the phone/speak to them because i just dont know how to keep the convo going.
my social skills are practically dead, which makes me antisocial and too afarid to talk to people, because i just dont know how to.
i even like it when people dominate the convosation becuse that means i basically have to listen. :-[
i dont mind not talking to people, its just the fact that i cannot that bothers me.

AssalamuAlaykum

Do you know why you feel like that?

Have you always felt like that?

How does it make you feel knowing that you cannot or will not communicate with ppl?

If you're a dudette you should talk to me yaar, I'll have ya babbling in no time :p

WassalamuAlaykum

[Zahida]

:sl: Brother i remember reading in one of your posts that you suffer with depression, the description you have said about how you feel when communicating with other people shows this.

Everyone is different, i love to talk!!! But sometimes a conversation can be boring or not something you would like to participate in so your body language interprets this..........

What i am trying to say is that everyone is different not all people like to talk, sometimes i do like to talk and take part in discussions. Sometimes i just like to listen..............

I have read posts by you and don't think you have a problem with communication......... Did you find a favourite smiley by the way?????:w:

I'm the same. I always hide within my mind when I'm with people. I never feel a connection, I always look away, put my head down, turn my body away from people etc. People don't feel very comfortable around me, I can see and feel this. It's the way I am, I feel that it is beyond my control. I'm very internally minded. I live in my own head, I can't relate to the world.

I have so many thoughts, I think and feel so much that I can't cope with external stimulation. All these thoughts and emotions prevent me from relating to other people and the outside world. I just don't have energy left for that..

My own thoughts and emotions are so strong that they seem to replace interaction with real human beings. I have a very rich inner world. I can think of something and laugh on my own, for example. Other people usually laugh when they see things or hear jokes from other people, because their brain works differently. Their brain is directed to the outside/external world.

I have thought about this a lot lately. My conclusion is that for some reason, my brain is extremely sensitive to external stimulation. My mind is too busy. I was born this way. Allah knows best.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

you sound sooooooooo coool!!!!

i know for a fact i would become your friend :ooh: !!

[Argamemnon]

I have read posts by you and don't think you have a problem with communication......... Did you find a favourite smiley by the way?????:w:

:w:

I'm sure that if you spoke to me in person you would run away. On internet I come across as being very open, but I'm not in real life. I'm always very awkward and anxious in the presence of other people..

When talking to people my mind goes completely blank and I feel as though I'm about to die. That's how bad I feel. This is one of the reasons that I have decided not to marry. I really have nothing to offer women (or anyone else). Frankly, I'm a pathetic loser; a waste of space.

Even if I found the most beautiful, the most friendly girl in the world (to marry) I could not become happy. As long as negative way of thinking, anxiety, lack of confidence persists and dominates my life, marrying wont really make those feelings go away. I hope I have made myself clear on this point :D

As to which smiley I like: :)

:w:

[islamirama]

Well i can't talk for too long either unless there is a topic up for discussion. Otherwise, small talks don't go well with me. We talk for a short while then I just stay quite unless someone else has to say anything. Guess what, tough luck to them! The sahabas r.a. would remain silent and would talk only when they had something good/beneficial to say. However, if you like to learn to talk more then i suggest spending some time with kids. ;)

[Muhammad]

:sl:

Ask Allaah (swt) to help you - this is the first and most important step!

I think it is the fear of being negatively evaluated by others that often kills a person's confidence and stops them from interacting. You might think that someone doesn't think much of you for whatever reason, maybe because of the way you look for example, but in reality, these thoughts might have never crossed the other person's mind. You need to let go of the worry that you are going to make a mistake and instead accept the fact that mistakes are natural, and if you do make one, so what?

Perhaps try to find someone that has similar interests and characteristics like your own, because even if you're "internally minded", like company may help you to open up and share your thoughts and feelings. Strangely enough, finding someone who has less confidence than you can make you feel as though you have all the confidence in the world. You'll think less of being negatively evaluated.

Maybe you need practice. Just reach out and say salaam to someone, and you never know who you might meet. Be bold, take a risk, overcome your fears. You'll see that in reality, there's nothing to it. Over time, your confidence will grow from experience and you'll be more prepared for new situations Insha'Allaah. :)


:w:

[Argamemnon]

:sl:

Ask Allaah (swt) to help you - this is the first and most important step!

I think it is the fear of being negatively evaluated by others that often kills a person's confidence and stops them from interacting. You might think that someone doesn't think much of you for whatever reason, maybe because of the way you look for example, but in reality, these thoughts might have never crossed the other person's mind. You need to let go of the worry that you are going to make a mistake and instead accept the fact that mistakes are natural, and if you do make one, so what?

Perhaps try to find someone that has similar interests and characteristics like your own, because even if you're "internally minded", like company may help you to open up and share your thoughts and feelings. Strangely enough, finding someone who has less confidence than you can make you feel as though you have all the confidence in the world. You'll think less of being negatively evaluated.

Maybe you need practice. Just reach out and say salaam to someone, and you never know who you might meet. Be bold, take a risk, overcome your fears. You'll see that in reality, there's nothing to it. Over time, your confidence will grow from experience and you'll be more prepared for new situations Insha'Allaah. :)


:w:

I'm sorry brother, but for some people (like me) this is just impossible.

[Zahida]

:) :) :)

Feel better???

:w:

I'm sure that if you spoke to me in person you would run away. On internet I come across as being very open, but I'm not in real life. I'm always very awkward and anxious in the presence of other people..

When talking to people my mind goes completely blank and I feel as though I'm about to die. That's how bad I feel. This is one of the reasons that I have decided not to marry. I really have nothing to offer women (or anyone else). Frankly, I'm a pathetic loser; a waste of space.

Even if I found the most beautiful, the most friendly girl in the world (to marry) I could not become happy. As long as negative way of thinking, anxiety, lack of confidence persists and dominates my life, marrying wont really make those feelings go away. I hope I have made myself clear on this point :D

As to which smiley I like: :)

:w:

[Muhammad]

:sl:

I'm sorry brother, but for some people (like me) this is just impossible.

Nothing is impossible when you have Allaah (swt) to ask to make it possible. Where there's a will, there's a way. :)

[aamirsaab]

I'm sorry brother, but for some people (like me) this is just impossible.

Ask yourself these questions:

Have you ever made anyone smile?
Have you ever made anyone laugh?
Have you ever helped anyone?

If the answer is yes, then replicate that action. Let that moment of happiness or joy become your driving force, your energy, your motivation. Then continue doing it - don't pass up the opportunity when it comes. Make it a challenge for yourself: how many people can you help in one day or how many people can you make smile in one day? Then try beating that. But, above all, be happy when you succeed and don't fret if you fail to achieve it (sometimes it isn't possible). But at least then you can reflect; what did you do good and what did you do bad.

Do good, reflect and take value upon your actions and repeat the process. That's all you need to do in terms of socialising. As for chatting? I myself cannot idle-chit-chat for longer than 5 minutes...I just simply cannot find anything to say to them lol. So I say what I need to say, when I need to say it and how it needs to be said (for the most part). Add this to your actions and you're sorted.

[Zahida]

:sl: Could you please clarify who that was at??:w:

you sound sooooooooo coool!!!!

i know for a fact i would become your friend :ooh: !!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:sl: Could you please clarify who that was at??:w:

thread starter!

i like him already :D

[Argamemnon]

:) :) :)

Feel better???

:) please don't stop using your favourite smiley because of me :bump1:

[جوري]

It doesn't make you 'anti-social' it makes you either schizoid (normal but don't like to mingle)
avoidant (normal but shy) or schizotypal if your withdrawl is accompanied by bizarre fantasies or preoccupations..

I'd be careful throwing labels around even to identify yourself.. anti-social personality disorder is used to describe criminals! who exhibit a disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood, common to this disorder is the use of deceit and manipulation of others.. this disorder is pervasive and begins in childhood -- but before the age of 18 it is considered conduct disorder..

an anti-social = sociopath... is this really an accurate measure of your person?

[anonymous]

wow firstly thanks for the replies, didnt expected this many replies :D

secondly lol im a sis! not a bro lol

is this with people who are you also know well or do you tend to be tongue tied with mostly strangers/people you dont talk to very often/ have nothing in common with?

no even with people i know well, like my sisters even (i mean ones who are married and not living at home) :s i dunno i just cant find anything to say to them, even though there could be plenty to talk about.
like i find with people as long as they're doing most of the talking and i have do most of the listening , than yh in convos like that im ok otherwise i just feel really awkward.

but i do dislike meeting new people because of this problem .

i even avoid visiting friends out of fear that out convos will "dry up" and ill have noting to say :-[

Do you know why you feel like that?

i think its just a lack of being around people. like when i was at school, id still be able to have normal convoverstaions with people, etc. i finished school about three yrs back, i just find that i cant speak lol i just become quite tongue tied.

also if i find that there isnt a point in saying something, then i just dont say it.
for eg if i had a crappy day. i mean i find no need to mention things like that, so i just simply dont. so yeah, seemingly pointless talk that. and i guess that deteriorates my abilites to communicate.:)

How does it make you feel knowing that you cannot or will not communicate with ppl?

sometimes im okay with it, but sometimes im not because yh i figure what if im put in a situation where i have to talk/communicate with people and i have no idea how to :-[ you know, ya gotta be ready

When talking to people my mind goes completely blank and I feel as though I'm about to die. That's how bad I feel. This is one of the reasons that I have decided not to marry. I really have nothing to offer women (or anyone else). Frankly, I'm a pathetic loser; a waste of space.

oh yeah, i also fear marriage :-[ ill be the most boring person to converse with :-[
but bro i think that's going abit extreme to not want to marry due to this :) i mean instead of running away from the issue, i guess you shold deal with it :)

It doesn't make you 'anti-social' it makes you either schizoid (normal but don't like to mingle)
avoidant (normal but shy)

i think im both of them :p

or schizotypal if your withdrawl is accompanied by bizarre fantasies or preoccupations..

an anti-social = sociopath... is this really an accurate measure of your person?

errr i dont think thats me :p

[alcurad]

simply get out of your comfort zone, go meet new people, new places etc. just don't stay cooped up somewhere.

[Ansariyah]

Wat u got to lose? Life's about takin risks, take it. Get out there and start talking.

Say how u feel. Leave ur mark everywhere u go lol.:-[

Less talking also means less sins, so ina way u shud be happy, but don't forget that rasululah *sa* was a peoples person, he was very approachable, relaxed, cheerful, Modest. We shud want to be like him.

I am shy! Sometimes pathetically shy! But I don't let anybody wrong me. I always speak up! Heeeey I was here first get wit the queue..I can do that in public. *I surprise myself* I can't stand injustice or people who try walk over others. It just happens naturally for me.

I choose to when I want to be quiet...do u?

But if u are quiet because u dont believe in urself thats a cause for concern.imsad

[Zahida]

:sl: Hey like i said........... it doesn't cost anything to put a smile on someones face or to make someone happy............ InshaAllah maybe someday someone might do the same for me............ Keep smiling:):w:

:) please don't stop using your favourite smiley because of me :bump1:

[Zahida]

:sl: You sound very similar to me but i can't tell people to move to the back of the que even though i was there first.......... i just don't like creating a scene......... not implying that you do but well done!!! on your bravery.....:):thumbs_up:w:

Wat u got to lose? Life's about takin risks, take it. Get out there and start talking.

Say how u feel. Leave ur mark everywhere u go lol.:-[

Less talking also means less sins, so ina way u shud be happy, but don't forget that rasululah *sa* was a peoples person, he was very approachable, relaxed, cheerful, Modest. We shud want to be like him.

I am shy! Sometimes pathetically shy! But I don't let anybody wrong me. I always speak up! Heeeey I was here first get wit the queue..I can do that in public. *I surprise myself* I can't stand injustice or people who try walk over others. It just happens naturally for me.

I choose to when I want to be quiet...do u?

But if u are quiet because u dont believe in urself thats a cause for concern.imsad

['Abdul Rahmaan]

Hey guys, you know what? I've the same problems that thread starter has mentioned. I was normal (even better than my fellows) back in my school days but then I dunno how it happened to me. I've tried many times to be a normal (social) guy again as I was in my school days but I couldn't get back on track. Every time I tried to get back on track, someone came and kicked me far away from the track making me realize that I should not vainly wish to be a normal guy again. I don't have words to explain much else.

[transition?]

Everyone has insecurities to some extent. EVERYONE.
Even if someone was a natural speaker, they still needed the practice to realize and extend their ability.
Socializing/communication takes practice because it is a skill.
The best way to gain confidence is through intelligence, through Islam and other subjects. Know what you want to talk about. Then practice expressing those ideas to other people. Other people are always quick to disagree or comment. Through experience, you'll learn to word your sentences in a concise way to reflect what you want to communicate.
You'll realize most talk is worthless nowadays.
I'm a very naturally shy person. I get nervous very easily, but you know what? When you know what you're talking about and you love what you're talking about because it's beneficial and others need to hear. You get good at it. When you get good, you'll realize it. and then you'll gain confidence.
Confidence is accepting you may mistakes and your imperfections, but trying your best at the moment and understanding that you can always improve.
Most men have made mistakes, especially when starting out new things. Why should you fear? Babies fall down a million times, but look, most of us are walking. Communication just like walking is necessary.

Making conversation is not something that can be planned to perfection. We simply have to accept the circumstances of some conversations, let some die and the others live to become intelligent discussions.
Don't feel guilty or bad when the conversation doesn't go anywhere. Just be comfortable , don't think to make every conversation perfect.
Conversations aren't made only by great speakers, but great listeners too. Fact is, sometimes people are in their one world, or are poor listeners, giving no eye contact, making faces, not paying attention.
Not everyone is kind. You know that so don't expect every convo to be this kind oh how do you do? thing. Yes, social people are very exciting speakers but do you think they waste their time on people don't care or 'bad audiences'?

[ghengis]

hey...listen.

people are different. everyone has strengths and weaknesses

there are extroverted personalities and introverted. in general extroverted ones seek external stimulation. they feel energized when they talk to other people. it fuels them,

introverts on the other hand can talk but not for long periods... they feel socializing drains them of energy istead and spending time on their own recharges them...

its normal behaviour.

i have a friend, a she, very extroverted. but she had a belief that made her life very difficult...it lead to her being "unfulfilled" not depressed. (depressed isn't a good word.... sound to me like your soul searching, trying to find yourself and find an environment that you can be yourself in and that encourages you../..)

anyway she wanted to be a writer, an inventor... but the more time she spent away from people the more unhappy she felt.....

play to your strenghts!! is the message i am trying to send out!!! there are numerous benefits to having astrong internal world..... creation for example, art....i'm sure when you pray you have great visions..... most dont get thius kind of novel experiences....

there is a rule: become excellent at your strengths and make your weaknesses good enough so you can manage.... use you strength...your inner world for a positive use....

another rule: what you decide in your mind is what will happen....
for example you buy a red car and all you notice after that is red cars... what your mind is looking out for it will spot. (proven scientifically)

so ask yourself: do you like other people??

beliefs play an important part in perception too... for eg if you believe you are crap at socializing you will notice the information from mthe external world specifically strengthening this belief.

..... anyway if you need more advice pm me.... i can help. easy. :)

its all about wat happens inside... your inner world. will eventually decide your outer world.... you in effect only see what you want... and believe it or not you have the power to choose your own beliefs. you can wake up tomorrow a different person if you want.....(if you can think it....)

/.....

last thing about learning new things......
baby learning to walk...: if the baby when it fell over once gave in because it focuses on the pain and failure of falling down it woyuldn't ever walk...... but it has a focus....
the failures dont even register. ...

another one for ya: you cant hover over the lake if you are too busy trying to stay afloat

one more: when you swim across a river and there are a lot of obstacles in the way, you will only reach the other side if you keep your eye on the shore... if you start staring at the obstacles then...... oooops!! u'll be swimming in circles!!


last bit i promise:

so lets utilize your inner world for increased spirituality... an inner world is better than an outer world u are lucky.

"know thyself" " the sage searches for the answer within" blah blah blah....

piety.... if it is to be achieved the visionary skills and imagination of an inner world are what will pave the way....

i think u need to read more.... more than just the qu'ran and hadith. i'm a revert and have to say other spiritual texts, philosophy texts, psychiatry texts, self help books, social skill books etc....are all out there, improving ones UNDERSTANDING OF ONES OWN INNER WORLD, FORMING A COHERNT AND ORGANISED INNER WORLD are wat may allow you to reach eventually to the outer realms......


lol.

anyway.... pm me anyone if u need help...

['Abdul Rahmaan]

anyway.... pm me anyone if u need help...

Please check your PMs.

[ghengis]

cant send pms bro.... i need to write 50 posts first. sorry....

i read it though.. i wrote u some cool stuff nut cant send it... lol

pm me why? u feel that way....

[anonymous]

OP-You have just described me through and through. I am exactly the same.

[Muezzin]

i hate meeting/talking to people because i simply just dont know how to. i cant keep a conversation going to save my life. even with family when speaking to them on the phone. i dont like to answer the phone/speak to them because i just dont know how to keep the convo going.
my social skills are practically dead, which makes me antisocial and too afarid to talk to people, because i just dont know how to.
i even like it when people dominate the convosation becuse that means i basically have to listen. :-[
i dont mind not talking to people, its just the fact that i cannot that bothers me.

You're not anti-social. You're just bad at small-talk. Like me. I bet given the right subject and company, you're as chatty as the rest of 'em :D

[havoka]

right i have been reading this for a long time and i wanted to say this
everybody has advantages in their lifes but it is how you use them that counts now i got speech problems yet am the most social guy you are likely to meet (i dont know why am on this tbh lol)

[Argamemnon]

Everyone has insecurities to some extent. EVERYONE.

:sl:
Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that some people are much worse off than others. For some (like me) anxiety destroys their life.

[seeker-of-light]

i used to be very anti-social as well. when it comes to being social, i would start off slow. take things at your own pace and dont let people pressure you into doing things too far out of your comfort zone. i am still working on being more social as well, i am trying to be more open to people now, more than i have been in the past 3 years. hopefully this will work for you^_^

[anonymous]

thanks for all your replies once again :)

Wat u got to lose? Life's about takin risks, take it. Get out there and start talking.

Say how u feel. Leave ur mark everywhere u go lol.:-[

Less talking also means less sins, so ina way u shud be happy, but don't forget that rasululah *sa* was a peoples person, he was very approachable, relaxed, cheerful, Modest. We shud want to be like him.

I am shy! Sometimes pathetically shy! But I don't let anybody wrong me. I always speak up! Heeeey I was here first get wit the queue..I can do that in public. *I surprise myself* I can't stand injustice or people who try walk over others. It just happens naturally for me.

I choose to when I want to be quiet...do u?

lol yep :D im the same as you: quite, but if I have something to say, then ill say it. my prob is just when im talking to people one on one kinda thingee, that’s when I freak out lol

Making conversation is not something that can be planned to perfection. We simply have to accept the circumstances of some conversations, let some die and the others live to become intelligent discussions.
Don't feel guilty or bad when the conversation doesn't go anywhere. Just be comfortable , don't think to make every conversation perfect.

Lol I don’t try to make every convo perfect lo…but its real uncomfortable when theres like 10 seconds of dead silence and both of you are like sitting there absolutely uncomfortable thinking oooh kaay! *ahem* :p lol…it gets a lil awkward..thats why I prefer to stay away, so that there’s no risk of that happening.