People get so attached to me

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

People become very attached to me. I somehow pull away, it kind of freaks me out. I am not anti-social, it's just that people get so close to me. Maybe I fear that I get hurt, their kindness kind of freaks me out. Some don't even know me yet they claim that they adore me? That I amaze them. I see myself slip away from them, why I dunno.

I feel speechless, but I feel like I wish I they didn't get so attached to me. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me.

Why do I feel weird when I hear "I missed you"?

I avoid fone calls, don't reply to emails. I rather talk to people in person.

Anyway I don't know wat the problem iz. Someone told me tonight that I they are sick n tired of "looking" for me, but I am nowhere to be found.

That freaks me out even more, what gives anybody the right to get upset at me for that? That causes me actually to run away from them.

I just wished if everyone stayed all chilled, relaxed, stayed happy, u know. Let others be, did their own thingis. Why do people always moan, I am nice, but somehow someone complains?

arghhh!
over
out!

[Khalil_Allah]

ok, let me ask you a few questions...

Are you outwardly beautiful?

Are you a yes person? i.e. you have trouble saying no to people.

Are you generally the "life of the party," if you will. Or as arabs say, are you the fakihah? like people just pay more attention to you?

Are you a dominator? Not in the way that you just like own people, but do people just generally try to please you even though you didn't do anything in return?

[Khalil_Allah]

btw, you can answer these questions in the affirmative and I would not consider you to be immodest. Besides, you are anonymous and looking for help!

['Abdul Rahmaan]

:sl:

People become very attached to me. I somehow pull away, it kind of freaks me out. I am not anti-social, it's just that people get so close to me. Maybe I fear that I get hurt, their kindness kind of freaks me out. Some don't even know me yet they claim that they adore me? That I amaze them. I see myself slip away from them, why I dunno.

I feel speechless, but I feel like I wish I they didn't get so attached to me. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me.

Why do I feel weird when I hear "I missed you"?

I avoid fone calls, don't reply to emails. I rather talk to people in person.

Anyway I don't know wat the problem iz. Someone told me tonight that I they are sick n tired of "looking" for me, but I am nowhere to be found.

That freaks me out even more, what gives anybody the right to get upset at me for that? That causes me actually to run away from them.

I just wished if everyone stayed all chilled, relaxed, stayed happy, u know. Let others be, did their own thingis. Why do people always moan, I am nice, but somehow someone complains?

arghhh!
over
out!

hehe, seems to me that I've posted this post using anonymous account.

Anyway, I can only do guess work work. Tell me if I'm correct.

You know about yourself that you're very softhearted so you can't hurt anyone. You discourage people from getting too much close / too much attached to you coz you're afraid they may not get hurt at some place in the future if they come to know of some facts about you. You're cocksure that the exposure of those facts will hurt them anyway.

I may be wrong in my guess work. In which case accept my apology in advance.

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[transition?]

You don't have to trust everyone and you don't want to get hurt/hurt others. But you deserve to give everyone a chance, the benefit of the doubt. In simply just leaving them hanging, you DO LET THEM GET HURT. It defeats the purpose. You have to be respectful, be patient with people, even if you do not trust them to the extent of giving your life. Everyone does not need to know everything about you, but you can still maintain healthy relationships with friends and acquaintances. Keep your mouth shut, and people won't know everything about you, when they don't need to.

Brother/sister, we are talking about friends right, same sex friends? Because opposite sex friends, you're setting yourself up for disaster and guilt and many broken relationships because we are not allowed to mix freely with the opposite sex. People naturally fall in love.

[Zahida]

:sl:I agree with this 100%............. I have had similar experiences now i don't let myself get too close to people or rely on someone so much when i know that person could turn around and hurt me at any time.

Love Allah Trust Allah and yourself.........:):w:

You don't have to trust everyone and you don't want to get hurt/hurt others. But you deserve to give everyone a chance, the benefit of the doubt. In simply just leaving them hanging, you DO LET THEM GET HURT. It defeats the purpose. You have to be respectful, be patient with people, even if you do not trust them to the extent of giving your life. Everyone does not need to know everything about you, but you can still maintain healthy relationships with friends and acquaintances. Keep your mouth shut, and people won't know everything about you, when they don't need to.

Brother/sister, we are talking about friends right, same sex friends? Because opposite sex friends, you're setting yourself up for disaster and guilt and many broken relationships because we are not allowed to mix freely with the opposite sex. People naturally fall in love.

[AnonymousPoster]

ok, let me ask you a few questions...

Are you outwardly beautiful?

Are you a yes person? i.e. you have trouble saying no to people.

Are you generally the "life of the party," if you will. Or as arabs say, are you the fakihah? like people just pay more attention to you?

Are you a dominator? Not in the way that you just like own people, but do people just generally try to please you even though you didn't do anything in return?

1:I guesssimsad

2: Yea i do have a hard time saying no sometimes

3: I guess I am easy going

4: no i am not a dominator. I don't expect people to please me.

[AnonymousPoster]

You don't have to trust everyone and you don't want to get hurt/hurt others. But you deserve to give everyone a chance, the benefit of the doubt. In simply just leaving them hanging, you DO LET THEM GET HURT. It defeats the purpose. You have to be respectful, be patient with people, even if you do not trust them to the extent of giving your life. Everyone does not need to know everything about you, but you can still maintain healthy relationships with friends and acquaintances. Keep your mouth shut, and people won't know everything about you, when they don't need to.

Brother/sister, we are talking about friends right, same sex friends? Because opposite sex friends, you're setting yourself up for disaster and guilt and many broken relationships because we are not allowed to mix freely with the opposite sex. People naturally fall in love.

u have a harsh tone! esp ur first paragraph.

I don't want all responsibilities that come with this. People demand and ask me where I have been etc. How am I tied to them? I think it all happens because of getting attached. It seriously freaks me out to see them get upset at me.

Im sorry for any confusion, Im sorry if im not making any sense.imsad

[true believer]

oh ma days, i sooo get u
ppl do dat to me sometyms
and i just cut them loose
or distance away so they GET the MESSGE
some ppl r just weird man, dont worry
ppl may just think fondly of u, nothin to be scared of
just be flatterd
and smile lol
is EVERYONE like dat?
cos dats kinda oddish
and nah i dont think ur anti social
ppl may just LOVE ya, or the person themselves r clingy
nothin worse den a clingy person
i feel ya

[transition?]

u have a harsh tone! esp ur first paragraph.

I don't want all responsibilities that come with this. People demand and ask me where I have been etc. How am I tied to them? I think it all happens because of getting attached. It seriously freaks me out to see them get upset at me.

Im sorry for any confusion, Im sorry if im not making any sense.imsad

:sl:

I'm sorry, brother/sister/anonymous. I did not mean to have a harsh tone, I just wanted to convey my message strongly. Maybe I gotta little brute :-[ Oops. sorryyy!

Lol, I think relationships are very delicate. From what I think is that you like your space. There is a common format for relationships like asking where you've been? and how you are? is just common in relationships. Its intention is to create a bond and to show care, to make sure the other person is okay because many situations can only be solved through the help of another person. That's why we create relationships because friends give support to one another because at one point a person just needs help. One day or another, you're going to need the help of the other, and that other person will have to cross your space. But InshaAllah, you'll find a friend that will give you as much space as possible, but remember you might be risking possible help/support. A relationship requires two people, they must compromise oftentimes for the benefit of the relationship.
You may have to compromise your space because one you may be in trouble, and when a person asks where you have been, you might have to tell them, so he or she can help you. Relationships take work and have responsibilities but the benefit of the relationship usually overweighs the responsibilities. I hope you understand the reason a person, who believes to be your friend, might freak out. They care about you. While you need space, they may need info to keep into touch with you.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

People become very attached to me. I somehow pull away, it kind of freaks me out. I am not anti-social, it's just that people get so close to me. Maybe I fear that I get hurt, their kindness kind of freaks me out. Some don't even know me yet they claim that they adore me? That I amaze them. I see myself slip away from them, why I dunno.

I feel speechless, but I feel like I wish I they didn't get so attached to me. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me.

Why do I feel weird when I hear "I missed you"?

I avoid fone calls, don't reply to emails. I rather talk to people in person.

Anyway I don't know wat the problem iz. Someone told me tonight that I they are sick n tired of "looking" for me, but I am nowhere to be found.

That freaks me out even more, what gives anybody the right to get upset at me for that? That causes me actually to run away from them.

I just wished if everyone stayed all chilled, relaxed, stayed happy, u know. Let others be, did their own thingis. Why do people always moan, I am nice, but somehow someone complains?

arghhh!
over
out!

:sl:

I know who is there............apnay mun mian mithu..:X


:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I know who is there............apnay mun mian mithu..:X


:w:

I didn't get what u said. I am not Desi sorry. So pls speak english, thanks.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I'm sorry, brother/sister/anonymous. I did not mean to have a harsh tone, I just wanted to convey my message strongly. Maybe I gotta little brute :-[ Oops. sorryyy!

Lol, I think relationships are very delicate. From what I think is that you like your space. There is a common format for relationships like asking where you've been? and how you are? is just common in relationships. Its intention is to create a bond and to show care, to make sure the other person is okay because many situations can only be solved through the help of another person. That's why we create relationships because friends give support to one another because at one point a person just needs help. One day or another, you're going to need the help of the other, and that other person will have to cross your space. But InshaAllah, you'll find a friend that will give you as much space as possible, but remember you might be risking possible help/support. A relationship requires two people, they must compromise oftentimes for the benefit of the relationship.
You may have to compromise your space because one you may be in trouble, and when a person asks where you have been, you might have to tell them, so he or she can help you. Relationships take work and have responsibilities but the benefit of the relationship usually overweighs the responsibilities. I hope you understand the reason a person, who believes to be your friend, might freak out. They care about you. While you need space, they may need info to keep into touch with you.

thanks for giving me the dummy guide:P. jzk sis. ur post was very helpful. It made me think. I just don't like to get pressured I guess.:-[

I believe good in others, when I don't see them I don't demand answers. I just ask them how they are and go from there.

[Khalil_Allah]

sister, I am asking you these questions because I know your situation.

You feel like you are always letting people down, but you think it is the people who don't see that they are obsessing over you.

You are just trying to be nice and yet you feel like you are always coming up short. People are always leaving messages on your phone, and you dread calling them back because they will all want to hang out or something.

If all of this sounds right, then I think I understand your situation, and I will tell you what seems to work. Allah swt has blessed you with the ability to win people over even though you aren't trying.

Where some people are ugly and socially awkward, and they cannot seem to make a single friend, you are the opposite. And yet I bet that you sometimes envy the person I just described.

First you have to stop feeling bad about it. You are only one person and your time is important, so you cannot expect that you will be able to please everyone.

As you take control of this problem, don't blow people off, but LEARN TO TELL PEOPLE NO! If you tell people no, you are being honest, and you aren't being flaky.

Say yes only to those who are important to you. Not everyone is meant to be a best friend, but there is something special about you. People meet you and they just want to be your best friend. You make them feel good about themselves and they see that you are magnetic and they admire you. That's not your fault.

Say yes to the people who YOU are close to. Start with family as a priority. Family is a good excuse and no one can argue with you for spending time with your family. But don't lie. Really just say yes to your family.

You probably have a few close friends who you are willing to give a lot of your time. Continue to do so. They are close friends and you want to maintain relationships with them.

So if you do what I said, then you will find that the people you don't want around will start to fade away WHILE your most important relationships begin to strengthen.


If it sounds like I am describing your situation, then I have another bit of advice:

GET OFF OF MYSPACE AND THE FACEBOOK!

Strengthen your important relationships and then I think that it might be time to get married...

[AnonymousPoster]

sister, I am asking you these questions because I know your situation.

You feel like you are always letting people down, but you think it is the people who don't see that they are obsessing over you.

You are just trying to be nice and yet you feel like you are always coming up short. People are always leaving messages on your phone, and you dread calling them back because they will all want to hang out or something.

If all of this sounds right, then I think I understand your situation, and I will tell you what seems to work. Allah swt has blessed you with the ability to win people over even though you aren't trying.

Where some people are ugly and socially awkward, and they cannot seem to make a single friend, you are the opposite. And yet I bet that you sometimes envy the person I just described.

First you have to stop feeling bad about it. You are only one person and your time is important, so you cannot expect that you will be able to please everyone.

As you take control of this problem, don't blow people off, but LEARN TO TELL PEOPLE NO! If you tell people no, you are being honest, and you aren't being flaky.

Say yes only to those who are important to you. Not everyone is meant to be a best friend, but there is something special about you. People meet you and they just want to be your best friend. You make them feel good about themselves and they see that you are magnetic and they admire you. That's not your fault.

Say yes to the people who YOU are close to. Start with family as a priority. Family is a good excuse and no one can argue with you for spending time with your family. But don't lie. Really just say yes to your family.

You probably have a few close friends who you are willing to give a lot of your time. Continue to do so. They are close friends and you want to maintain relationships with them.

So if you do what I said, then you will find that the people you don't want around will start to fade away WHILE your most important relationships begin to strengthen.


If it sounds like I am describing your situation, then I have another bit of advice:

GET OFF OF MYSPACE AND THE FACEBOOK!

Strengthen your important relationships and then I think that it might be time to get married...

Wow u really read me like a book. I had a hard time explaining but you understood me spot on. Thank you.

I just don't want anybody gettin obsessed with me. That seriously scares me. I feel like I can't breathe when I see that.

I don't use facebook or myspace, just msn/Fone.. "thank god for the offline mode.

Lots of people try to get me join facebook, somehow I always refused.

The highlighted part got me emotional Its true. I like sitting with people who are like that, I don't know any though.

thank u, I will do wat u adviced me inshaAllah.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

People become very attached to me. I somehow pull away, it kind of freaks me out. I am not anti-social, it's just that people get so close to me. Maybe I fear that I get hurt, their kindness kind of freaks me out. Some don't even know me yet they claim that they adore me? That I amaze them. I see myself slip away from them, why I dunno.

I feel speechless, but I feel like I wish I they didn't get so attached to me. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me.

Why do I feel weird when I hear "I missed you"?

I avoid fone calls, don't reply to emails. I rather talk to people in person.

Anyway I don't know wat the problem iz. Someone told me tonight that I they are sick n tired of "looking" for me, but I am nowhere to be found.

That freaks me out even more, what gives anybody the right to get upset at me for that? That causes me actually to run away from them.

I just wished if everyone stayed all chilled, relaxed, stayed happy, u know. Let others be, did their own thingis. Why do people always moan, I am nice, but somehow someone complains?

arghhh!
over
out!

:salamext:


i get where ur comin from, i feel the same way sometimes - where i dont wna get attached. i think the best thing to do is to stick by them if they will benefit u, or u benefit them in emaan. otherwise, leave it.. since u should use ur charm for the sake of Allah for a greater goodness instead of wasting it.. :)

[AnonymousPoster]

The highlighted part got me emotional Its true. I like sitting with people who are like that, I don't know any though..

same here... its mainly due to their humility, kindness and manners.

mashAllah

[transition?]

sister, I am asking you these questions because I know your situation.

You feel like you are always letting people down, but you think it is the people who don't see that they are obsessing over you.

You are just trying to be nice and yet you feel like you are always coming up short. People are always leaving messages on your phone, and you dread calling them back because they will all want to hang out or something.

If all of this sounds right, then I think I understand your situation, and I will tell you what seems to work. Allah swt has blessed you with the ability to win people over even though you aren't trying.

Where some people are ugly and socially awkward, and they cannot seem to make a single friend, you are the opposite. And yet I bet that you sometimes envy the person I just described.

First you have to stop feeling bad about it. You are only one person and your time is important, so you cannot expect that you will be able to please everyone.

As you take control of this problem, don't blow people off, but LEARN TO TELL PEOPLE NO! If you tell people no, you are being honest, and you aren't being flaky.

Say yes only to those who are important to you. Not everyone is meant to be a best friend, but there is something special about you. People meet you and they just want to be your best friend. You make them feel good about themselves and they see that you are magnetic and they admire you. That's not your fault.

Say yes to the people who YOU are close to. Start with family as a priority. Family is a good excuse and no one can argue with you for spending time with your family. But don't lie. Really just say yes to your family.

You probably have a few close friends who you are willing to give a lot of your time. Continue to do so. They are close friends and you want to maintain relationships with them.

So if you do what I said, then you will find that the people you don't want around will start to fade away WHILE your most important relationships begin to strengthen.


If it sounds like I am describing your situation, then I have another bit of advice:

GET OFF OF MYSPACE AND THE FACEBOOK!

Strengthen your important relationships and then I think that it might be time to get married...

Wow, I never knew sociable people could feel that way.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

thread starter...

if i was you i'd just continue being myself, and whatever comes i'll take it.


aint like its that hard right..


Assalamu Alaikum

['Abdul Rahmaan]

I know who you are, and I know who 'people' is as well, yah she is really annoying, stupid girl duzen leave me alone..

Very interesting topic. :rollseyes

Sheesh FREAKS out there!

You look quite stupid when you say she's stupid. :p

Why?

Just coz may be she's a day-dreamer. May be you didn't make her make her realize that you don't consider yourself to be that lucky. :p

Send her a strong message saying, "DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME AND ENERGY ON SOMEONE LIKE ME." And lo! She won't be day-dreaming anymore. :)

Use the following trick as a last resort if she doesn't stop annoying you.

Tell her that a couple of years back you had an accident and surgeons had to "cut" both your legs. And now you're always found to be on wheelchair. Or tell her something like this and lo! the very next moment she'll come down to earth from cloud nine.

I hope it helps. :)

I'm sorry! I've to leave coz it's almost mid night here so I'll not be telling you more tricks.

[Khalil_Allah]

Wow u really read me like a book. I had a hard time explaining but you understood me spot on. Thank you.

I just don't want anybody gettin obsessed with me. That seriously scares me. I feel like I can't breathe when I see that.

I don't use facebook or myspace, just msn/Fone.. "thank god for the offline mode.

Lots of people try to get me join facebook, somehow I always refused.

The highlighted part got me emotional Its true. I like sitting with people who are like that, I don't know any though.

thank u, I will do wat u adviced me inshaAllah.

Lol, alhamdulillah. I knew that I pegged your situation, because I went through the same thing just over a year ago.

Sometimes people are given attributes that cause them to be magnetic. Now it is hard to talk about this stuff without sounding like a total tool, so bear with me.

When you've got this magnetism, it is impossible to keep everyone happy. And when you try, you just fail. There are inevitably times you have to let people down.

And when you let people down, it hurts you inside, because you want to be there for everyone, but you're only one person.

The best you can do is just be honest.
-----------------------
and for Transition:

Not many sociable people feel this way. Most people who have this situation are just flaky. But they develop enemies. People like our anonymous thread starter are humble and kind. They don't want enemies and they do everything they can to please everyone. She can't, and it's hurting her.

[Khalil_Allah]

:salamext:


i get where ur comin from, i feel the same way sometimes - where i dont wna get attached. i think the best thing to do is to stick by them if they will benefit u, or u benefit them in emaan. otherwise, leave it.. since u should use ur charm for the sake of Allah for a greater goodness instead of wasting it.. :)

BTW, I think this was really well-said.

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:


u know when i used to have alot of mates, or people on my msn list.. i hated the way they always wanted to chat to me.. but i was happy that i always had someone online if i was bored.

but i realised that it was too much, its like eating too much sweets lol.. so u dont enjoy it when it gets too much. then i noticed that i stuck by the ones who would benefit me and i would benefit them the most, and i realised that the quality of being with them was more fun than having alot of people who i had to hurt or give little time to.


when u separate gradually, they get over it. they have to. since u give urself to them less, they can't do anything but move on.. u will feel sad abit, that u've left them, but u know its for a greater good - especially if its for Allah's sake. so go for it. u want to use this goodness of yours for Him, and He will give u more good through it.. :)

[AnonymousPoster]

Strengthen your important relationships and then I think that it might be time to get married...

sorry but last when I replied I forgot to ask you, why did you suggest that?
I just wanted to know, thanks.

[Khalil_Allah]

i said that because like then when you have the most important people around you, you will still feel lonely. And that's being called to get married. I think a lot of people have that loneliness and they try to fill it with friends. But when you get a bunch of single people around, they are usually gossiping or trying to get thrills otherwise.

Then you may start looking around and being like man, I wish I had my soulmate.

But otherwise you just kick it with your good friends and family and be happy :)

[AnonymousPoster]

:wasalamex

The world is such a strange place full of such strange personalities. No offense to be taken by the original poster but your reaction seems just a tad bit over-exaggerated and mean. If there was a sister who I spoke to and whom I kept close company with and she felt the same way then I'd be shocked. If you feel the way you do then its best you don't talk to people full stop. It's like you lead them on and because they don't fit your ideology of good companionship, you drop them and feel suffocated by their presence. 'Ajeeb. Tomorrow you may need a friend and no one might be there because when they needed you, you couldn't be asked to tolerate their smothering.

Place yourself in their shoes and think of Allaah. Allaah is not merciful to those who do not show mercy to his creation.

I do not quite understand how people, Muslims can be so unkind sometimes. It is part of life that you will get hurt, misery may fall on your doorsteps but that doesn't mean you do unto others what you think may or may not happen to you.

['Abdul Rahmaan]

:wasalamex

The world is such a strange place full of such strange personalities. No offense to be taken by the original poster but your reaction seems just a tad bit over-exaggerated and mean. If there was a sister who I spoke to and whom I kept close company with and she felt the same way then I'd be shocked. If you feel the way you do then its best you don't talk to people full stop. It's like you lead them on and because they don't fit your ideology of good companionship, you drop them and feel suffocated by their presence. 'Ajeeb. Tomorrow you may need a friend and no one might be there because when they needed you, you couldn't be asked to tolerate their smothering.

Place yourself in their shoes and think of Allaah. Allaah is not merciful to those who do not sure mercy to his creation.

I do not quite understand how people, Muslims can be so unkind sometimes. It is part of life that you will get hurt, misery may fall on your doorsteps but that doesn't mean you do unto others what you think may or may not happen to you.

The bold part makes two of us.

To Thread Starter:

Dear brother/sister, it's not that bad to be in contact with your friends via email. :)

[AnonymousPoster]

i said that because like then when you have the most important people around you, you will still feel lonely. And that's being called to get married. I think a lot of people have that loneliness and they try to fill it with friends. But when you get a bunch of single people around, they are usually gossiping or trying to get thrills otherwise.

Then you may start looking around and being like man, I wish I had my soulmate.

But otherwise you just kick it with your good friends and family and be happy :)

I'm in my mid teens. My parents find the marriage topic quite frightening. I think I'm very mature but to them i'm still a baby lol.

I think I will just enjoy my families/friends company for now, until feb 2009, I get a year older then. Maybe then I can bring the topic back to my parents inshaAllah.:sunny:

thanks again! jzk.