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Re.TiReD
11-28-2008, 11:57 PM
Living the Single Life
By Fatima Asmal


During my first trip to Makkah, as a 24-year-old, I met an inspirational mother of one, who eleven years after giving birth to her first child, desperately wanted another baby.

Three years after going through a divorce, I too, was desperate – to get married again.

When I told this sister about the feelings of disillusionment and loneliness I was experiencing, she told me how she was addressing her need during her time in this blessed city, and advised me to do the same. She told me that in every step she took during her pilgrimage, she would fervently make du'aa to Allah, asking Him to Bless her with another child. She said she did this during tawaaf, between Safaa and Marwa, everywhere she went, she reminded herself to make this du'aa, and she suggested that I implore Allah in a similar manner.
I left the sister's hotel room, with a spring in my step, on a similar mission.

Everywhere I went, I begged Allah to Bless me with a husband: 'Oh Allah Grant me a husband who is a haafidh,' 'Oh Allah, Bless me with a husband who loves knowledge and is actively seeking it,' 'Oh Allah, Bless me with a husband who is willing to give up his life in Your Path.'

I didn't want to return home, to live the unfulfilling and empty life I felt I had been living, and poured these feelings out in my prayers, crying my heart out every step of the way.

When I returned to South Africa, I received a call from a relative, who told me she wanted to introduce me to a brother who had memorized the Qur'aan and who was actively studying the Deen. Excited that Allah had answered my prayers, I immediately agreed to the introduction.
Well, I met the brother, I prayed Salaatul Istikhaarah, and you know what? I didn't end up marrying him.

After three years of not having being introduced to marital prospects, after Hajj I suddenly found myself inundated with calls from friends and family eager for me to meet brothers they felt I would be compatible with.
I met them all. And I did not end up married to any of them.

You see, our Merciful Rabb was showing me that the time wasn't quite right for me to marry, that though there were hundreds of brothers in the world who possessed the criteria I was looking for, they were not necessarily the marriage partners He had destined for me, nor was the time right for me to marry. When the time was appropriate for me to marry, in His Divine Estimate, not in my limited understanding thereof, He would bring the right person into my life.

Uplifted by this realization, I re-motivated myself, and re-channeled my energy. I continued making du'aa for marriage yes, and I didn't stop making an effort towards meeting prospective husbands, but it was no longer the obsession it had become, the yardstick by which I had measured fulfillment. I sought fulfillment in other ways, immersing myself in teaching Islam to women and teenage girls, publishing Islamic reading material, working for Islamic radio stations and engaging in other forms of da'wah.

You're probably waiting for the part where I tell you about my happy ending – that, a few years later I met the man who had everything I wanted and more, and we got married and lived happily ever after.

But dear sister, influenced by the West, we attach different meanings to concepts which Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala has already defined, in the Qur'aan and through the teachings of Rasoolullaah sallallahu alayhi wassallam. Happiness doesn't start and end with getting the guy you want and living a life of bliss with him. Happiness is about passing the tests we are faced with in this world, remaining firm on our faith in spite of these tests and presenting ourselves to Allah on the Day of Qiyaamah, rich in good deeds.
I did get married, yes. But again, it didn't work out.

So I'm living the 'single life' again. And dear sister, it isn't half as bad as people sometimes make it out to be.

Of course I want to get married again. And if anyone out there is unmarried, of course, you too, should want to marry and make an effort in this respect. For did not the Rasool of Allah Sallallahu alayhi wassallam tell us, 'Marriage is a sunnah (way) of mine, and whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not of my followers. Get married because I will display your outnumbering the other nations on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever has wealth should get married, and whoever does not should fast, because fasting is a restraint (of desire) for him.' (Ibn Maajah, authenticated by Al-Albaanee)

And this beautiful union has undeniable benefits. Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala has told us in the Qur'aan: 'And among His signs is that He created for you, from yourselves, spouses that you may dwell (in joy and security) unto them, and He set between you love and mercy; surely in that are signs for those who reflect.' (Surah Ar-Room 30:21)

And: 'They are a garment for you and you are a garment for them.' (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187)

But having said that, we have to remember that just like marriage is an integral part of faith, so too is exercising trust and patience in the decree of Allah.

People may say that you and I are not married because we are too fussy, or difficult to get along with, etc. etc. and perhaps we can analyze what they are saying and if we conclude that they are correct, then we can work hard towards rectifying that aspect of our character for the Pleasure of Allah. But having done that, we have to realize, that ultimately, we are not married because Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala has Willed for us to be single at this point in time.

Now we have a choice. Either we can lose sleep over it, beat ourselves up every day, and feel really sorry for ourselves.
Or we can recognize that the time we have on our hands is a gift from Allah, an amaanah, not to be wasted in counter-productive thoughts and futile tears and fears.

And we can start spending this time beneficially, by engaging in activities which our married sisters might not always be able to enjoy: seeking knowledge, being active in da'wah, volunteering our time to organizations which serve the poor and aged, spending quality time with our parents, babysitting for our married friends so they can spend some time engaging in these activities, the list goes on and on.

And this my dear sister, is how the single life should be lived. If Allah Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala Wills, somewhere in the midst of living and reveling in the joy and fulfillment such a life brings, Mr. Right will come along. And if he doesn't, so what? Perhaps he will be waiting for you in Jannah, a reward for the patience you exercised in this transient world!

Being unmarried undeniably comes with its challenges, just like marriage does. But it isn't the end of the world. And it shouldn't be. So get up, take a deep breath, hand this affair over to Allah, and start living the life He has given you!
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kwolney01
11-30-2008, 02:23 AM
Wow...

Great post sister!! It's great how you said that we shouldn't base our lives around a man. We should all pray to Allah whenever we want something and know that Allah knows best. We may not get what we want right away, but when we do it will be great!! This is a wonderful story and I wish you the best sister!! :D

Jazak Allah Khair
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جوري
11-30-2008, 02:33 AM
It fascinates me in general to see folks view on marriage, whether eastern or western..
I have always had this asphyxiating feeling whenever a 'proposition' came about.. like someone robbing me of my very life..

I don't unfortunately have a favorable view of marriage just looking at the married folks around me, bro, srs even parents.. so the decision to be 'accepting of the life God gave me' is not a mere acceptance but a blessing...

I don't think many people in fact appreciate that.. I know it is the norm to be married.. but it is more than ok not to be married too..

great post

:w:
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alcurad
11-30-2008, 06:16 AM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud

...You see, our Merciful Rabb was showing me that the time wasn't quite right for me to marry...
no one can know what Allah has decreed for us like this,she's being too presumptuous I think.

the benefits of marriage need not be extolled so people will marry, humans are social creatures to begin with, but then it's ever ones choice too.
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 08:47 PM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
like someone robbing me of my very life..
AssalamuAlaykum

See it not as somebody robbing you but as somebody gifting you with their life to share and experience love in a halal way....

It's not a subtraction, not theft. It's a sweet addition.

WassalamuAlaykum
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Amaanah
11-30-2008, 08:49 PM
:thumbs_up
jazakAllaah khayran
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islamirama
11-30-2008, 08:57 PM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
It fascinates me in general to see folks view on marriage, whether eastern or western..
I have always had this asphyxiating feeling whenever a 'proposition' came about.. like someone robbing me of my very life..

I don't unfortunately have a favorable view of marriage just looking at the married folks around me, bro, srs even parents.. so the decision to be 'accepting of the life God gave me' is not a mere acceptance but a blessing...

I don't think many people in fact appreciate that.. I know it is the norm to be married.. but it is more than ok not to be married too..

great post

:w:
:w:

For those who are single moms or divorced or widow, it is hard finding a good spouse though no fault of it is their own. We have bred a culture in the asian and arab world that values virgin so highly that we shun anyone who is not virgin, even by halal means. We also shun the permissibility of polygamy to deal with the growing divorce, widow or single mom problem.

As for singles, they have no excuse to not marry. To say it is not for me, no one is made for me, or i hate marriage, or i can live happily without marraige or any other excuse for that matter; to say such things and shy away from marriage is not part of Sunnah. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Marriage is ibadaah. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".
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جوري
11-30-2008, 09:28 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
AssalamuAlaykum

See it not as somebody robbing you but as somebody gifting you with their life to share and experience love in a halal way....

It's not a subtraction, not theft. It's a sweet addition.

WassalamuAlaykum
:w:

Romanticism is sweet when you are a teenager and idealistic.. perhaps that is one of the benefits of marrying young really, you can grow old and accustomed to habits together.. not so after you have evolved singularly as a human being -- it is no longer about gifts and tradition and fulfillment of sexual desires (that hormone surge does cloud your judgment) no longer so-- after a stage it plateaus and you reason more clearly -- plans become more realistic.. more long term it becomes about compatibility and companionship and that is seldom attained.. men tend to mature emotionally much later in life.. anyway, I think everyone's opinion here is distracting from the purpose and reason of the original post-- which I genuinely believe should be respected not as a negating opinion from the norm, rather for what it is, a reality that so many desire not to speak about because it is too outlandish or taboo(ish) they'd rather hide behind flowery dreams-- when the reality is anything but... perhaps it might even give some the opportunity to examine what is wrong with their lives on a level deeper than the superficial?!

Originally Posted by islamirama
:w:

For those who are single moms or divorced or widow, it is hard finding a good spouse though no fault of it is their own. We have bred a culture in the asian and arab world that values virgin so highly that we shun anyone who is not virgin, even by halal means. We also shun the permissibility of polygamy to deal with the growing divorce, widow or single mom problem.

As for singles, they have no excuse to not marry. To say it is not for me, no one is made for me, or i hate marriage, or i can live happily without marraige or any other excuse for that matter; to say such things and shy away from marriage is not part of Sunnah. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Marriage is ibadaah. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".
I think you read too much between the lines, looking for things that aren't actually there?.. this has nothing to do with the value of virginity, excuses, hormones, or shunning of sunna or hatred of men ... my above reply, reflects my opinion, if I thought more along 'your thoughts' I'd simply stick em in there unabashed?

This comes down to finding a right fit for you.
I think more people reflect more on the right wedding dress and how to furnish their bedroom than whether or not they have found the right partner.. the right partner isn't about ye big by ye tall with a sizable account and a decent car, at least not as far as most discerning folks are concerned---perhaps that is why many marriages actually end up in divorce?

Until men and woman in 'our area of the world' for the most part mature about the responsibilities and the true meaning of marriage will we have thoughts and posters unripened along what usually see here..

and I think in a way that is what the original publisher is trying to say..
judgment, and other people's ideologies along with the difficulties one faces in their personal life are not only harsh and imposing but make it difficult for those who genuinely have a difficult time finding a suitable partner into caving in out of coercion or adherence to social norms into a miserable life, just for the sake of appearances--


:w:
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 09:33 PM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
:w:

Romanticism is sweet when you are a teenager and idealistic..

:w:
:salamext:

That may be so...Your post made me sad.

may Allah (swt) bestow upon us all happiness. Ameen!

WassalamuAlaykum
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Cabdullahi
11-30-2008, 09:41 PM
One brother i know came up with an idea that's got me thinking and the more i think about it the more i feel its a great idea, he talked about not marrying but just adopting a child moving into a nice small house with his mother, and in that way he will get ajr for looking after his mum and also caring for an orphan
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 09:44 PM
:salamext:

Marry, fulfill the Sunnah....Have children insha'Allah.

Nowhere does it say you cant look after your parents at the same time.

Why deny yourself something Allah (swt) has given you...A halal way to enjoy the companionship of another.

WassalamuAlaykum
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Bint Abdusattar
11-30-2008, 09:51 PM
:sl:

Jazakallah Khair for that. MAkes me feel much better.:)


:w:
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Cabdullahi
11-30-2008, 09:53 PM
with all this talk about compatibility? i dont know....., allah is the only one that can provide the correct match but in the mean time its wise to hibernate the constant thoughts of marriage and just to lead a normal life
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جوري
11-30-2008, 10:02 PM
^^ that is actually it.. people are so consumed with marriage it almost disables them from having a normal life when they become of age..
If it happens it happens, if it doesn't then it doesn't.. it is not a life or limb emergency!

:w:
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islamirama
11-30-2008, 10:16 PM
Marriage is part of sunnah and is also scared in Islam. It's not something we should be consumed with nor something we should take lightly and neglect. The sunnah has clearly layed out proper guidelines to take in seeking a spouse, and proper conduct and composure for life after marriage. There will always be those who are ignorant of islam and those who are full of culture as well. For those whom it doesn't work out, there's always another day, and in meantime they should live their lives. Those who are still single and haven't tasted it yet. Stick to the sunnah and do things right and Allah will put barakah in your actions and marriage inshallah.
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alcurad
11-30-2008, 11:10 PM
in our modern society where fulfilling relationships and friendship outside of marriage are available, as well as the evolution of gender roles, less and less people-mostly women?- want to be burdened with marriage. I wonder if telling people it's sunnah will help that much..
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Cabdullahi
11-30-2008, 11:14 PM
will marriage soon be extinct? only allah knows.. but nonetheless im preparing myself to cope... if the current situation worsens
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alcurad
11-30-2008, 11:16 PM
heh,I'm curious to how would you do that, do tell if you don't mind.
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 11:17 PM
AssalamuAlaykum

Why so negative. It's saddening. Please dont be so pessimistic, I dont get it.

WassalamuAlaykum
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alcurad
11-30-2008, 11:21 PM
doesn't have much to do with pessimism as with realism, life is not a picnic always. realizing that actually makes you appreciate life more.
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 11:23 PM
Originally Posted by alcurad
don't worry, doesn't have much to do with pessimism as with realism, life is not a picnic always. realizing that actually makes you appreciate life more.
Hmm, yeh I guess. Doesnt take much though does it....to say that you'll trust Allah (swt) and let Qadr take its course even though you may not see marriage on the cards anytime soon.

It's true that life is not always a picnic, but doesnt that make one appreciate and crave a relationship whereby life would seem at least a little rosy.

WassalamuAlaykum
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Cabdullahi
11-30-2008, 11:24 PM
to hibernate any thoughts to do with marriage and tricking the mind into thinking women to be just normal beings that are not attractive
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جوري
11-30-2008, 11:26 PM
I think you are mistaken.. marriage doesn't have to be a burden, but some folks make it so... Marriage should be wonderful but is it?.

I think if marriage exists on the sacrifice of one party's happiness for another, then yes more and more people will think of it as a burden--it has nothing to do with your 'defined' roles and the change in society, save if the definition is man imposed?

If the men now a days were anything like those early Muslims during the time of the prophet, one might indeed reconsider---
but the fact is women continued along the same path while many men devolved if such a term is applicable ---

one indeed can cement this with modern day examples
the guy who marries the daughter of a renowned doctor (my dad's friend) to get a green card, lives off her family's fortune, when he father dies she continues to work while he sits at home, later on cheats on her ..

the woman who was beaten maliciously by her husband (sister's friend) then leaves her with three children whom she has to raise on her own without support or alimony, she ends up working for another miserable sap a so-called hajj who favors christian Hispanic workers treats her like crap (she had no formal education because of her own stringent upbringing) and yet took his abuse along with her husband's to raise her children and put them to school the best she can from the pennies she makes, she still manages to give to charity, when her own husband can't even be charitable to his own children...

the pediatrician whose father died at a young age, and when she herself became of age, her mother constantly pressured her to marry until she ended up with a con artist who feigned a doctorate when he was a taxi driver (no there is nothing wrong with being a taxi driver) but there is with being deceptive..

perhaps when you put things into perspective, you'd feel less inclined to the pre-formed judgment and maybe actively look at what it is that ails many Muslims?

There are no khalid ibn ilwaleed, or Omar ibn ilkhtab left and lucky are those who end up with someone with some semblance ( perhaps the sacrifices will then be well worth it) but I guarantee you most women have modest expectations -- a dignified life of compassion and companionship for starters would be good to consider before jumping to other conclusions!

:w:
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 11:31 PM
AssalamuAlaykum

You'd know as well as anybody else sis that your past experiences and what you have come across in life will mould you and your opinions...That's what I thought when I first read your post.

Marriage is not necessarily a bed of roses, but I'm sure many members could share happy stories, positive ones..

There are no khalid ibn ilwaleed, or Omar ibn ilkhtab but I guarantee you most women have modest expectations -- a dignified life of compassion and companionship for starters would be good to consider before jumping to other conclusions!
Agreed

WassalamuAlaykum
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alcurad
11-30-2008, 11:31 PM
hmm J.U.N.I.O.R, I wonder how long that'll work. as long as humans exist, males will seek out females regardless of how society changes. what I think is due is a change of perception, our perception of women as unindividual's that is.
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جوري
11-30-2008, 11:36 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
AssalamuAlaykum

You'd know as well as anybody else sis that your past experiences and what you have come across in life will mould you and your opinions...That's what I thought when I first read your post.

Marriage is not necessarily a bed of roses, but I'm sure many members could share happy stories, positive ones..



Agreed

WassalamuAlaykum
:sl:
I could share happy ones as well.. perhaps when one has wonderful and loses it, one wants to recapture it again-- or at least avoid the errors of others..
I have loved someone special and he died-- so other sob stories of abuse and neglect don't necessarily apply to me -- I am just amused at how life can rob you one way or the other.. and for others to assume somehow that you had something to do with it..
what I am trying to say is.. there is nothing wrong with marriage.. yes some are single and it is OK, they are not pariahs, or difficult or picky or have something wrong with them structurally or physically or psychologically.. life just happens-- it is best that we assume the best, than jump to conclusions or cast doubt and judgment-- or alienate others because they don't fall under the 'norm'

al7mdlilah

:w:
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 11:40 PM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
:sl:
I could share happy ones as well.. perhaps when one has wonderful and loses it, one wants to recapture it again-- or at least avoid the errors of others..
I have loved someone special and he died-- so other sob stories of abuse and neglect don't necessarily apply to me -- I am just amused at how life can rob you one way or the other.. and for others to assume somehow that you had something to do with it..
what I am trying to say is.. there is nothing wrong with marriage.. yes some are single and it is OK, they are not pariahs, or difficult or picky or have something wrong with them structurally or physically or psychologically.. life just happens-- it is best that we assume the best, than jump to conclusions or cast doubt and judgment-- or alienate others because they don't fall under the 'norm'

al7mdlilah

:w:
:wasalamex

I'm sorry if it seemed that I'm judging.

I would never judge one who had endured a loss. I would commend their strength and Sabr. It's a different thing altogether though for one who has never loved, for a teenager to say that they would give up marrying with no good reason whatsoever.

If you've loved and lost once, you can be wary of loving again...

WassalamuAlaykum
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
11-30-2008, 11:45 PM
:sl:

I personally say as Ibn Mas'ud (radi allaahu anhu) said:`If I had but ten days left to live, I would like to marry, so as not to meet Allaah as a celibate.'
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جوري
11-30-2008, 11:48 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
:wasalamex

I'm sorry if it seemed that I'm judging.

I would never judge one who had endured a loss. I would commend their strength and Sabr. It's a different thing altogether though for one who has never loved, for a teenager to say that they would give up marrying with no good reason whatsoever.

If you've loved and lost once, you can be wary of loving again...

WassalamuAlaykum
:sl:

that is very true sister.. what you want for others is a noble thing.. I hope I am not giving the impression that I am against marriage.. I am simply against coerced and forced marriages to fulfill a certain status quo, or to yield to thinking negative thoughts of folks who remain single, because I believe people further alienate them-- or turn every conversation into a marriage based one like they are behind schedule because then they will want to get away and alienate themselves .. I think just like the common cold takes of some folks five days to heal, of others seven or ten, so too do other wounds... people need to go at things their own pace that is all...

Jazaki Allah khyran..

you are so sweet :smile: and I appreciate you posting the article for discussion...

:w:
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جوري
11-30-2008, 11:49 PM
Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

I personally say as Ibn Mas'ud (radi allaahu anhu) said:`If I had but ten days left to live, I would like to marry, so as not to meet Allaah as a celibate.'
it would be a bummer indeed to die a virgin ;D

sort of like being given a parking ticket instead of a speeding one...

:w:
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
11-30-2008, 11:52 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
to hibernate any thoughts to do with marriage and tricking the mind into thinking women to be just normal beings that are not attractive
That's a bit hard to do bro..seeing as how Allaah says that desire for women has been beautified [zuyyina] for men.

{Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women...}[ale-Imran; 14]

First thing mentioned is women :X More than trying to change the mind, fasting is the better antidote.
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Re.TiReD
11-30-2008, 11:52 PM
AssalamuAlaykum

May Allah (swt) give you all something better in exchange for what was taken from you. Ameen!

or turn every conversation into a marriage based one like they are behind schedule because then they will want to get away and alienate themselves .
That's people for you ;D let it pass...Even I get that and I'm still classed a teenager :p

BarakAllah feeki

WassalamuAlaykum x
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chacha_jalebi
12-01-2008, 12:06 AM
i will just like to pull up a post i not sure who it was buy, but *points @ you* :p naa

it said summin like its hard for single parents to find a spouse, but tiddy but :D like i think there are many many manyyyyyyy men that wouldnt mind marryin someone who is also married, or someone who isnt a virgin or whatever, what we need to understand is when Allah (Swt) can forgive who are we not to innaay!
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alcurad
12-01-2008, 12:30 AM
Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
i think there are many many manyyyyyyy men that wouldnt mind marryin someone who is also married
hmm, I don't think it's allowed in Islam to marry someone who is married at the same time, otherwise you make a good point:).
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Re.TiReD
12-01-2008, 12:31 AM
Originally Posted by alcurad
hmm, I don't think it's allowed in Islam to marry someone who is married at the same time, otherwise you make a good point:).
AssalamuAlaykum

I think he made a typo and meant those who have been married before. Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum
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alcurad
12-01-2008, 12:31 AM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
it would be a bummer indeed to die a virgin ;D

sort of like being given a parking ticket instead of a speeding one...

:w:
heh, but that's a bit too harsh sister:)..
glad you have your humor back though.
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جوري
12-01-2008, 01:04 AM
Originally Posted by alcurad
heh, but that's a bit too harsh sister:)..
glad you have your humor back though.
I was given a parking ticket on a day I was speeding at 90 miles and hour.. I can't tell you how humiliated I felt when the witch handed me a ticket for dropping off a friend in a no parking zone...

It would have been something of a victory to have been given that ticket for speeding on the highway instead..

It just seems too wimpy -- on the bright side parking tickets do cost less.. so there really is always a silver lining :D

:w:
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syilla
12-01-2008, 02:04 AM
you know why...it is encourage to get married fast. :D

1. so that you'll not be too choosy.
2. u are not that bothered about the hard life of marriage (b4 marriage)
3. after marriage you'll get to learn what is responsibility at the young age. So at the young age you'll know what life is really all about...

:D
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islamirama
12-01-2008, 02:10 AM
I"m a firm believer in marrying young.

1. it helps cope with body's natural changes and urges
2. it safeguards and protects one from fitnah
3. it is sunnah
4. it allows you more time to live together
5. it makes u have grown up kids when your not too old
6. it's the best thing young people can do
7. it teaches you to be accepting of each other as both of your personality is being developed. Being older makes you more choosy and nit picky and just a sour puss and rigid to change since your "ways" and personality has been hard coded in by then
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جوري
12-01-2008, 02:22 AM
^^ agreed-- though-- I am not a sourpuss I am a sweetheart =)
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Woodrow
12-01-2008, 02:34 AM
Just a few thoughts after reading through this thread.


Let us be a bit kinder when speaking of single people. Being single does not mean the person is abnormal or sinful.

Let us try to give up our "need" to question single people as to why they are single.

Unless asked, let us stop trying to be a matchmaker, for every single person we know.

Let us respect our brothers and sisters right to privacy.
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alcurad
12-01-2008, 02:37 AM
true, wise as always brother woodrow.
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 02:17 PM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
I don't think many people in fact appreciate that.. I know it is the norm to be married.. but it is more than ok not to be married too..
I gather that you are still young and that your opinion will change...
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 03:48 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
As for singles, they have no excuse to not marry. To say it is not for me, no one is made for me, or i hate marriage, or i can live happily without marraige or any other excuse for that matter; to say such things and shy away from marriage is not part of Sunnah.
Unless a person is mentally or physically ill..
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 03:53 PM
Allahuma urzuqni zawjah/zawj taqiyah naqiyah baarah wari3ah tukrimuni fee deeni wa dunyay walaa tu' theeni fee deeni wa dunyay

Oh Allah grant me a wife/husband who is pious, pure, virtuous, devout, who will be generous to me in this world and the next and who will not harm me in this world and the next.

اللهم ارزقني زوجة تقية نقية بارة ورعة تكرمني في ديني ودنياي ولا تؤذيني في دينيولا دنياي


There ya go ya'all :p
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 04:06 PM
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
:w:

Romanticism is sweet when you are a teenager and idealistic..
:w:
Your post made me really sad because it's true. I will never experience this, since I'm too old now. Whenever I think about it I feel tremendous guilt and regret. I also feel ashamed, since we shouldn't focus so much on certain pleasures in life as Muslims. Perhaps my imaan is still too weak.
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alcurad
12-05-2008, 09:54 PM
pleasures-of the flesh or otherwise- are not viewed as bad in slam brother,though there are bounds to be sure.
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Argamemnon
12-05-2008, 09:56 PM
Originally Posted by alcurad
pleasures-of the flesh or otherwise- are not viewed as bad in slam brother, there are bounds to be sure though.
True bro, but I don't think it's right to feel depressed because I didn't experience it.
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alcurad
12-05-2008, 09:58 PM
actually I'd say it is natural, hey it's never too late:), I mean life can be enjoyed regardless of age.
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Argamemnon
12-07-2008, 02:41 AM
Originally Posted by alcurad
actually I'd say it is natural, hey it's never too late:), I mean life can be enjoyed regardless of age.
Hmm, that's not entirely true in my view :)
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Najm
01-28-2009, 02:53 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Best time to :bump1: this thread, since all the single threads are flying!!! :ermm:

@ OP, that woman has really strong character Marsa2llah

FiAmaaniAllah
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Re.TiReD
01-28-2009, 04:06 PM
:wasalamex

LOL thats it, ima bump up a proper marriage thread <_<

Actually, I've written an article about that, might post insha'Allah

WassalamuAlaykum
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cimira
09-13-2009, 10:07 AM
i just wanted 2 say how inspiring sister Hafsah's post is, it provides a comfort deep within 2 someone like me who is always told im going to end up lonely with no1...but i have come 2 accept that maybe allah swt wants me 2 experience this loneliness so i can appreciate things i had taken for granted and i shudnt fear when will be the right time 4 me or if i will ever b ready..i should trust that allah swt will do the best for me...thank you sister Hafsah your post has encouraged me to do this.
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cat eyes
09-13-2009, 07:46 PM
excuse me for my honesty i found this post of no inspiration what so ever :hmm: i am actually surprised of some of the replies the sisters gave also which kinda gave me goosebumps..

i believe that a woman should be married before she goes to the grave. why? well because you cannot live a single life you will end up doing zina. you can not be to picky with potential's your whole life either. this sister got married and divorced twice whoah!! i hope she got divorced for the right reasons.. divorce is not something encouraged and to live a single life is certainly not something encouraged either!

could someone back me up here or is it just me who feels this strongly about it..
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Muhaba
09-13-2009, 08:33 PM
It's great advice to those who haven't been able to get married. In the Arab world, they say marriage is rizq (sustenance) and like any sustenance, it is from Allah and you will get it when and if Allah wills. Like you can't ask someone why they aren't married. They'll say it is in naseeb (fate) and you shouldn't ask questions like that. I think that's a good thing. I sometimes wonder what to say if someone asks me that question. Some can say I was studying. Some can say I was working, building my career. The only answer I've got is I couldn't find anyone right uptill now, lol.

It's a bit sad though, and it does make me sad. And reading stuff like this article is really uplifting.
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جوري
09-13-2009, 08:53 PM
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
Your post made me really sad because it's true. I will never experience this, since I'm too old now. Whenever I think about it I feel tremendous guilt and regret. I also feel ashamed, since we shouldn't focus so much on certain pleasures in life as Muslims. Perhaps my imaan is still too weak.
:sl:
you move in from idealism to cultivation. Each age in life has its own perks and its own fruits or flowers.. some thrive in the summer, some in winter, some are nocturnal. Surely Allah swt must love variety for we are incredibly varied and have different needs, different intellects, different desires, different roads.. you won't experience the idealism and caprice of the teenage yrs maybe that is true, but you'll have something better insha'Allah..
Don't you know that folks enter into paradise at the age of 33.. not 16, not 24.. but in the thirties the mind and the looks are fully cultured and bodied by then.. anyone who tells you otherwise is just a teenager ;D

:w:

Originally Posted by alcurad
actually I'd say it is natural, hey it's never too late:), I mean life can be enjoyed regardless of age.
I second that indeed.. a man of a few words which I felt we should expound on..

:w:
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Humbler_359
09-13-2009, 09:04 PM
:sl: sister,

We have to think originally, Allah (SWT) created Adam and Eve (Man and Woman together), what does this tell you? There is no way for Man to be single life or Woman to be lonely life.

I would say, this sister got many offers from brothers but rejected it. She make her own decision. I don't know what she is still looking for in many single life.


Marriage is blessed, I encourage everyone should get married in avoiding temptation, depression, lonely, sad, down, no beautiful kids, etc.

Well, I was married myself in short time, unfortunately, it didn't work out well, my ex-spouse left me for no good reason at all. I realize it was maybe written in my destiny, it help me to be strong person, positive and focus on my Imaan. :D I had fully trust in Allah (Subhana Wa Taa'la) and his best planner than mine.

After separation, I was amazed that I received alot of good news in many countless things such as loan forgiving, new job, car, travel, take care of my parents, many smiles on my face. I see differences.

It is due to Allah, The most Gracious and the Most Merciful, Ameen.
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yasin ibn Ahmad
09-13-2009, 11:32 PM
Although it adresses to a sister I was inspired by the post.It made me feel really good as I am not financially ready to think about marriage seriously.Inshallah everyone finds their Mr\Mrs. Right one day.
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Rasema
09-14-2009, 12:46 AM
:sl:

I enjoyed the story.

"The past is history the future is mystery, Its today which counts, something like that."

Marrage is the Prophet's way and the Prophets way we obey:D
Thank you for the story because some people, such as me,have to support their families and cannot get marrried. The only thing that sadenss me is that I can't follow the sunna. But, I think that, in order to achieve jennah, one must suffer and strive a lot.I think, that who ever is living a smooth life needs to go to jihad or something.
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Muhaba
09-14-2009, 07:19 PM
I would say, this sister got many offers from brothers but rejected it. She make her own decision. I don't know what she is still looking for in many single life.
lol i hope that wasn't directed to me! couldn't really tell. Actually most men/their families i came across were very materialistic, wanting money, a working wife, not interested in religion, not practicing well, didn't have knowledge of religion, weren't even happy that i wore hijab/niqab which tends to hinder my ability to work, etc. Not the kind of guy I want.

Another problem nowadays is that some ppl don't even properly propose. Like they'd give hints that they are interested, but don't actually ask, probably expecting the woman/her family to propose to him but that doesn't really work imo. I think women would rarely propose to a guy because that's culturally unaccepted. If a guy can't get the courage to propose, then how can he expect a woman to do it?

If a guy wants to marry someone, he should properly propose, speak to her family and tell her about himself, get to know each other / each other's family & then proceed to get engaged and married. And he shouldn't expect the woman's family to move things forward! That's a real put off. It only tells her he isn't interested.
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Humbler_359
09-15-2009, 03:41 AM
Originally Posted by muhaba
lol i hope that wasn't directed to me! couldn't really tell. Actually most men/their families i came across were very materialistic, wanting money, a working wife, not interested in religion, not practicing well, didn't have knowledge of religion, weren't even happy that i wore hijab/niqab which tends to hinder my ability to work, etc. Not the kind of guy I want.

Another problem nowadays is that some ppl don't even properly propose. Like they'd give hints that they are interested, but don't actually ask, probably expecting the woman/her family to propose to him but that doesn't really work imo. I think women would rarely propose to a guy because that's culturally unaccepted. If a guy can't get the courage to propose, then how can he expect a woman to do it?

If a guy wants to marry someone, he should properly propose, speak to her family and tell her about himself, get to know each other / each other's family & then proceed to get engaged and married. And he shouldn't expect the woman's family to move things forward! That's a real put off. It only tells her he isn't interested.
;D, no it is not directed to you, sister. Well said. Yes, i agreed that some men are not practicing in Islam, they want everything including job, house, working wife, money, it is more related to cultures things. For instance, I went to matrimonial sites to look around, I was confused, their description seems more materialistic (more than Islam). I would prefer moderate life in balance in family and Islam with a good practicing, knowledges and understand Qur'an.

I learned that we can request Imaam in any Mosque for any good practicing Muslimah/brothers instead untrusted matrimonial sites and competitors. :D

Yep, every guy should propose to woman and inform her family that he really like her. Simple. I dont know, some other are opposite way. Probably shy, :embarrass. However, it should not be shy.
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