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Re.TiReD
12-03-2008, 01:49 PM
:salamext:

One of the first things that most people think about when preparing for or thinking about marriage, are the characteristics or qualities of the person they would like to marry. Some people think about how they want their potential husband or wife to look - perhaps they think about such things as hair and skin color. Some men may look for a wife who is an excellent cook, and some women may look for a husband who is very religious. Many Muslims nowadays look for a wife or husband that is conversant in the Arabic language, or someone that is at least a student of Arabic.

Nonetheless, most people, Muslims included, seem to go to great lengths to make elaborate lists, either on paper or in their minds, about all the things they want or expect from their potential husband or wife. And while this is good and perhaps a very necessary part of the marriage search, few people ever sit down, and with the same purposefulness and care, enumerate their own qualities and characteristics or think about whether they, themselves, are the kind of people that someone else with just as high expectations or ideals would want to marry.

Think outside of yourself for a moment: If you were someone else, would you marry you? I don’t mean you, as you would like to see yourself weeks, months or even years from now. Nor do I mean you as you imagine yourself after you have had a chance to change a few of your bad habits, improve your character, fix yourself up, or you after you begin to practice your religion more seriously. I mean you, as you are TODAY.

I believe that if some people were to be completely honest with themselves, they would have to admit that they, themselves, do not possess the kind of qualities or characteristics they would want in a husband or wife.

Perhaps we all know of someone like this – possibly a relative, a best friend or maybe this person is YOU. For two people who are experienced at it, marriage, at best, can be difficult. It requires patience, diplomacy, perseverance, flexibility, wisdom, and endurance, just to name a few things.

Does this mean that if someone does not possess ALL of these qualities they should not get married? No, I don’t mean to say this. However, there are people that I have come across that are in a desperate race to get married; while at the same time they possess characteristics of selfishness, stubbornness, inflexibility, insensitivity, and ingratitude. They are overly critical of other people while at the same time they have difficulty accepting criticism of themselves. And they have poor communication skills. On top of all of that, they may be in denial and won’t face up to the fact that they have a *few* personality defects to iron out before getting married. Do any of these characteristics describe you or someone you know that is looking for a wife or a husband? Has anyone ever told YOU that you possess any of these characteristics?

Marriage is so serious an affair that I would dare say that if someone looking to get married possesses some or all of these qualities, they may be headed for big trouble. Or, should I say anyone that marries a person like this might be in very, very big trouble? The question then becomes: Does a person who possesses these kinds of shortcomings have to wait years before getting married? I would say the answer is no. Someone like this doesn’t have to wait years to get married.

Allah, The Sublime, says in the Quran that He will never change the condition of a people until they first change what is inside of them. This ayah offers hope - hope of a new tomorrow. Isn’t that what most people want? They want to know that whatever difficulties they are facing today, a change is on the horizon for tomorrow. However, it does not only offer hope. It offers hope on a condition. That condition is that we have to take the first step to recognize that we have a problem and then do something about it. Can a man who is a drunk ever become sober unless he recognizes that he has a problem? And can a man that is insensitive, inflexible, stubborn, ungrateful, rigid, and selfish ever be a good husband?

Someone who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their negative pattern of behavior until they first recognize and ADMIT that they have a problem. Once you can admit that you have a problem, the next step is to begin working diligently and consistently on your problem or negative characteristics.

The key words here are working diligently AND consistently. As any doctor will tell you, a patient has to be diligent and consistent about taking their medicine in order to see good results. Couple this prescription that Allah gives us in the Quran with prayer and strong faith, InshaAllah, you can overcome any problem.

If after taking a good long, honest look at yourself in the mirror you cannot honestly say that you would make a good husband or wife in your present condition, then before you pick up the pen to enumerate a list of all the fine qualities you are looking for in a wife or husband, instead, why not list some of the qualities that you need to work on, and then embark on a program to change these bad qualities so that someday soon when Allah does bless you with a good wife or husband you will be worthy of such a person?

After all, isn’t the divorce rate high enough already?

Source

WassalamuAlaykum
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IbnAbdulHakim
12-03-2008, 01:50 PM
lol this made me grin :D
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Cabdullahi
12-03-2008, 02:00 PM
what's this array of marriage threads... all of a sudden
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~Taalibah~
12-03-2008, 02:11 PM
:sl:
true sis.
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buddy1
12-03-2008, 02:18 PM
Im a good wife!

my husband is my best bud! I would marry me if I was me!!! lol!! :D
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Güven
12-03-2008, 02:31 PM
:salamext:

Awesome read ! :D
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crayon
12-03-2008, 03:16 PM
"Nonetheless, most people, Muslims included, seem to go to great lengths to make elaborate lists, either on paper or in their minds, about all the things they want or expect from their potential husband or wife."
Do they really?! :ooh:


....:-[ lol.

Good article, Jazaki Allah Khair for sharing.

"what's this array of marriage threads... all of a sudden"
Haha, I was just thinking the exact same thing.
Reply

buddy1
12-03-2008, 03:18 PM
Everyone wants to get married clearly!!
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Danah
12-03-2008, 03:38 PM
Actually this is very important topic to think about, before we prepare our looong list of specifications that we want our future partner to have

For me, I think people around me are helping me to know whether I will be a good wife or not....and they are all honest in criticizing me


this is remind me of a story of a scholar that gathered a school students and ask everyone to prepare a list of futures for his future wife. Next day, everyone came with a really long long list. After the scholar saw how long were those lists, he asked them to be more reasonable in putting conditions, and he asked them to think over those lists. they came next day with a shorter list, but still the scholar was not satisfied, they still requiring super wives :blind:
he asked them again to shorten their lists, at the last day, they came up with little bit shorter list, but still it had some super features......at the end the scholar told them....."Did anyone of you look at himself in the mirror to have the right to put such hard conditions over his future wife?".....then all students kept silent
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AhlaamBella
12-03-2008, 03:48 PM
SubhanAllah well said :)
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youngsister
12-03-2008, 04:03 PM
:sl:

SAYA well said sis i agree!
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-03-2008, 10:01 PM
:salamext:

Lol jazakAllah khayr sis SAYA.

There's no harm having ideals, but sometimes we want perfection when it doesnt exist, if we couldnt fit the bill, how could we expect somebody else to.

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2008, 12:16 AM
btw i grinned coz i found the very question silly.


i wouldnt marry myself COZ THAT'D BE WEIRD!

i know i have a million flaws and i expect my wife to help me fix up every single one of them :D


is that too much to ask?... :-[
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-04-2008, 07:56 AM
:sl:
i havent read the whole article, but to answer the qn
Would you marry YOU?
why, oh why would i subject myself to such torture :p
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Danah
12-04-2008, 08:16 AM
Originally Posted by ramlah
:sl:


Why, oh why would i subject myself to such torture :p
lol ;D ;D
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 09:02 AM
I wouldn't marry myself. I may be a good person, but I'm also pretty useless. I don't have a strong personality, and probably couldn't take care of my family.
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north_malaysian
12-04-2008, 09:16 AM
I would never marry me because same-sex marriage is haraam in Islam..
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DAWUD_adnan
12-04-2008, 09:19 AM
Why yes, I would marry myself.
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 02:52 PM
;D

My Lordd!

And bro Mz (sorry cant be bothered with full name) ... nah its not too much to ask, and I think thats the point of the thread, to make you realise that we're not perfect so we cant expect it in somebody else either.

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

Danah
12-04-2008, 03:09 PM
back to the question..for me YEAH...if I found a person having the exact personality as me it will be great. at least I will be able to get a long with someone similar since I have weird personality and interest :-[ *as the others said* :-[
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aamirsaab
12-04-2008, 04:08 PM
:sl:
She'd have to have some similarities (sense of humour is a must, otherwise she will divorce me the day after nikah!).

I wouldn't want to marry someone completely identical but also not someone who is completely opposite of me (as that would be like trying to pair up a galaxy chocolate bar with a Jacobs Cracker --- all kinds of wrong!). The exact balance of the two? Well, I'd prefer someone who is more similar to me than disimilar. Say 70: 30 split (so like a galaxy bar paired with an aero - clearly the greatest chocolate never to have existed other than in this analogy and my own mind).

ALl this talk about confectionary items is making me hungry. Any galaxies out there want some of this chocolate-flavoured aero?
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 05:48 PM
:salamext:

LOL!

I'd be mad to marry me

Poor dude *cough* :p

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
12-04-2008, 05:55 PM
:sl:

Best comment from the source link: "I'd marry 4 of me."
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 05:58 PM
Originally Posted by aamirsaab

ALl this talk about confectionary items is making me hungry. Any galaxies out there want some of this chocolate-flavoured aero?
Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

Best comment from the source link: "I'd marry 4 of me."
:wasalamex

^ Agreed, but then aamirsaab topped it ;D
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