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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 12:13 AM
Just wondering what your opinion is. Do you think people with a loner personality should marry. Would they be good husbands or wives? Could they take care of their children properly? I fall into the category of "loners" :)

Do you think loners will miss out on life, if they chose to live alone their whole life? I mean not having a lifelong companion, never experiencing love and intimacy with the opposite sex etc.. it's easier said than done.
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
12-04-2008, 06:02 PM
:sl:

Thread approved.
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 06:05 PM
Just wondering what your opinion is. Do you think people with a loner personality should marry.
A loner is no less of a human.

Would they be a good husband or wife? Could they take care of their children properly? I fall into the category of "loners" :)
Why not? And what do you mean by loner?

Loner like the type of person who doesnt venture out of the house for years or loner as in the kinda person who would rather stick to himself? I think marriage would change that though.

Do you think loners will miss out on life, if they chose to live alone their whole life?
Yeh. If you chose to live alone then you'd miss out on the companionship we all crave. Humans are social beings. Well most anyway.
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 06:24 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
And what do you mean by loner?
Someone who can't/doesn't enjoy social relationships and avoids it most of the time.

Loner like the type of person who doesnt venture out of the house for years or loner as in the kinda person who would rather stick to himself? I think marriage would change that though.
I'm one of those who only ventures out of the house when necessary. I have lived like this for years. I suppose this makes me a super loner...
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 06:27 PM
AssalamuAlaykum,

I know this is kind of going off-topic but is there a reason you dont enjoy social relationships? Since when have you been like that and how difficult would it be for you to go and spend the whole day with somebody else. Would it make you anxious/uncomfortable etc?

WassalamuAlaykum
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IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2008, 06:44 PM
what a brilliant thread :ooh:
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Cabdullahi
12-04-2008, 07:06 PM
Im a loner
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 07:24 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
AssalamuAlaykum,

I know this is kind of going off-topic but is there a reason you dont enjoy social relationships? Since when have you been like that and how difficult would it be for you to go and spend the whole day with somebody else. Would it make you anxious/uncomfortable etc?

WassalamuAlaykum
Wa alaykum Salam,

Quite difficult, I was always anxious and shy. Perhaps I'm sick in the head.
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*Yasmin*
12-04-2008, 07:26 PM
:sl:
Do you think people with a loner personality should marry. Would they be good husbands or wives?
why not i don't see a relation between be good husband and your personality as a loner do you know why because every one will be social person when it's necessary in my opinion marrage will help you to get out from "loner category". i know somebody who don't talk very much or you even can say he barely talk (i mean he is not a social person) and he got married , have kids and his life i think much better than others that they aren't loners.

but even though it's possible to marry you should change your look toward your self as a loner because just like my sis Amatul Wadud said: "Humans are social beings " .

peace
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*Yasmin*
12-04-2008, 07:36 PM
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
Wa alaykum Salam,

Quite difficult, I was always anxious and shy. .
normal thing i feel anxious and shy when i talk to people but when i use to them i feel comfortable and talk to them as i talk to my family approximately.

Perhaps I'm sick in the head
you shouldn't think like that it's normal.

peace
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Cabdullahi
12-04-2008, 07:49 PM
i was always shy as a kid but when i went college i went crazy and made not so good friends and after i had realized my mistakes ....i was very lucky because our family were in the process of moving cities.so now i keep myself to myself i find it helps me focus and helps me to achieve things i cudnt b4
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Zahida
12-04-2008, 08:13 PM
:sl: Happy Birthday.............You have our duas......and you are not a loner cos you have alot of friends here!!!!:thumbs_up:w::)
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
Im a loner
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Cabdullahi
12-04-2008, 08:20 PM
Thanks zahida....we have greatly benefited from your motherly advices since you joined!!
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Zahida
12-04-2008, 08:28 PM
:sl:Awwwwwwwww Bless you little one!!!

I hope that Allah eases your troubles and replaces them happiness! Ameen, summ Ameen..............:)
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
Thanks zahida....we have greatly benefited from your motherly advices since you joined!!
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Eric H
12-04-2008, 09:10 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon;

You might think of yourself as anxious and shy, but I bet you are a caring and kind person. Generally a wife would not let you be shy and would keep talking to you. If you had children they would demand so much of your time and energy, that you will have no time to be shy and anxious.

In the spirit of praying for the courage to go out one more time.

Eric
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 09:40 PM
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
Wa alaykum Salam,

Quite difficult, I was always anxious and shy. Perhaps I'm sick in the head.
I'd like you to answer the question insha'Allah.

You're not 'sick in the head bro' :)

Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon;

You might think of yourself as anxious and shy, but I bet you are a caring and kind person. Generally a wife would not let you be shy and would keep talking to you. If you had children they would demand so much of your time and energy, that you will have no time to be shy and anxious.

In the spirit of praying for the courage to go out one more time.

Eric
Hi Eric,

A beautiful post, thank you!
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Zahida
12-04-2008, 09:43 PM
:sl: Yes Eric i agree with you too............ you said the most wisest thing....
InshaAllah our brother will find a blushing bride soon. Ameen:w::)
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Ansariyah
12-04-2008, 09:45 PM
Whenver u hear a bad thought in ur head telling u a negative thought replace it wit a good one.

Thats the start...

Secondly, u are no loner, u make some of the most intelligent posts on this forum.

Don't become ur worst enemy akhi. If you only were not so hard on urself, maybe, u wud see who u are. MashaAllah.
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 09:51 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon;

You might think of yourself as anxious and shy, but I bet you are a caring and kind person. Generally a wife would not let you be shy and would keep talking to you. If you had children they would demand so much of your time and energy, that you will have no time to be shy and anxious.

In the spirit of praying for the courage to go out one more time.

Eric
Peace and greetings be with you dear Eric :)

I appreciate your optimism, I really do, however, currently I'm considering electroschock therapy. This should give you an idea about the severity of my mental state... I've been dealing with this illness since 2001 dear Eric.
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Argamemnon
12-04-2008, 09:52 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
I'd like you to answer the question insha'Allah.
I think I answered your question sister, albeit briefly.

You're not 'sick in the head bro' :)
How would you know sister?
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 09:56 PM
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
I think I answered your question sister, albeit briefly.


How would you know sister?
I understand you answered it, sometimes it requires deep thought though. What would it do to your system if you was to go out? Before you try your electroshock therapy, how about you try a technique called flooding. Here's an example of flooding: locking a person who is afraid of spiders into a room full of spiders.

Force yourself out, see the worst that could happen.

And I dont think you're sick in the head because from what I've seen your posts are intelligent and coherent and that you seem to be asking for advice and support is commendable in itself, Masha'Allah!
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Faith.
12-04-2008, 09:56 PM
AssalamuAlaykum,
Seems you are troubled bro...
Yu need to find contentment within yourself first Akhee
Insha'Allah Allah eases all your troubles...
Your in my dua's..
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Ali.
12-04-2008, 10:14 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
I understand you answered it, sometimes it requires deep thought though. What would it do to your system if you was to go out? Before you try your electroshock therapy, how about you try a technique called flooding. Here's an example of flooding: locking a person who is afraid of spiders into a room full of spiders.

Force yourself out, see the worst that could happen.

And I dont think you're sick in the head because from what I've seen your posts are intelligent and coherent and that you seem to be asking for advice and support is commendable in itself, Masha'Allah!
I have to say, I agree with what sis' Amatul Wadud said here. Give it a go, what have you got to lose?
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TrueStranger
12-05-2008, 03:53 AM
That is an interesting question. I don’t think a person should remain single simply because he/she is a loner. Hopefully, if you marry a person whom you love, then you would enjoy their company. But I am wondering if a person who loves someone else should get married simply because they can’t marry the person they love and eventually they have to get married.
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-05-2008, 09:06 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by Argamemnon
Just wondering what your opinion is. Do you
think people with a loner personality should marry. Would they be good husbands or wives? Could they take care of their children properly? I fall into the category of "loners" :)

Do you think loners will miss out on life, if they chose to live alone their whole life? I mean not having a lifelong companion, never experiencing love and intimacy with the opposite sex etc.. it's easier said than done.
of course...but i think they should marry someone whose on the same level and/or atleast understand them...otherwise if they marry someone too outgoing and social, i think it maybe a little awkward and possibly cause a little tension in the relationship...
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IbnAbdulHakim
12-05-2008, 12:11 PM
being a loner and being married is like an oxymoron.

unless you mean you hardly hang out with friends and see family pretty much all the time etc, because if thats a loner then im a lone-wolf !


anyway bro, i think a loner wife would be perfect for me ! lol !



Assalamu Alaikum
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Cabdullahi
12-05-2008, 06:24 PM
a loner wife sounds good...
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Leyla73
12-05-2008, 06:33 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
a loner wife sounds good...
Cause you could trust her? Cause you know she'll never go out and do bad things? lol
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Leyla73
12-05-2008, 06:36 PM
Oh, and to answer to your question, Argamemnon, I think that if you find a person you love, and that loves you, and understands you, then you should. I know couples that don't like having friends over, and are friends with like just one family or something =)
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Cabdullahi
12-05-2008, 06:49 PM
Originally Posted by Leyla73
Cause you could trust her? Cause you know she'll never go out and do bad things? lol
No because there's a bigger chance she will be down to earth and.... its better for the pair(husband and wife) to be together alone and secluded...with the exception of both their family members being there and one or two good muslim mates...............but if she is associated with a swarm of gossip hungry women who influence and tell porkies... then forget it.....
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Leyla73
12-05-2008, 06:52 PM
Yeah, you're right
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Cabdullahi
12-05-2008, 07:00 PM
It’s only for the good....trust me....in that way both the husband and wife can really understand each other, love each other and care for one another without any evil interference and distractions :)
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Eric H
12-06-2008, 01:06 AM
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon;

I appreciate your optimism, I really do
I wasn't being optomistic when I said you are a kind and a caring person, I sincerely believe that to be true.
however, currently I'm considering electroschock therapy. This should give you an idea about the severity of my mental state... I've been dealing with this illness since 2001 dear Eric
This world is a duanting place to live, and I will keep you in my prayers. I do believe you can overcome this, you do not have to believe me, you just need to believe in yourself.

This is powerful, you need to search and try and understand how it works.

Destiny Douglas C Hess

Watch Your Thoughts, For They Become Words,
Choose Your Words, For They Become Actions,
Understand Your Actions, For They Become Habits.
Study Your Habits, For They Become Your Character,
Develop Your Character, For It Becomes Your Destiny
If you start of by thinking you will fail, then you will fail, you will talk about failing, act a failure and it becomes a habit. This is were you are now, but you can strive to reverse this and influence your destiny. It all starts from thoughts, or for a believer it starts with prayer, trusting that Allah can help you find peace and overcome your anxiety.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric
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Argamemnon
12-06-2008, 07:14 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon;


I wasn't being optomistic when I said you are a kind and a caring person, I sincerely believe that to be true.

This world is a duanting place to live, and I will keep you in my prayers. I do believe you can overcome this, you do not have to believe me, you just need to believe in yourself.

This is powerful, you need to search and try and understand how it works.



If you start of by thinking you will fail, then you will fail, you will talk about failing, act a failure and it becomes a habit. This is were you are now, but you can strive to reverse this and influence your destiny. It all starts from thoughts, or for a believer it starts with prayer, trusting that Allah can help you find peace and overcome your anxiety.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric
Greetings and peace be with you Eric. That was wonderful and so true. Thank you :)
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Eric H
12-07-2008, 09:51 PM
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon; I hope you are getting through today.

Have you ever thought about doing a part time voluntary job, there are all kinds advertised in the UK, in hospitals, nursing homes, day centres, charity shops, etc.

It seems to have wonderful things going for it, people who need voluntary help often have problems and you have to talk to them about the help they need. There are often a lot of women working in those kind of jobs, and of course you are helping others. There may well be Islamic places that need volunteers.

Often with voluntary jobs there is less pressure on you to produce lots of results, and it might be easier for you to socialise. Doing voluntary work often goes down well with future employers.

And you have to go out the house too.:)

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric
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MO783
12-11-2008, 02:55 PM
:sl:

Yes everyone should marry, it might make the loner a non loner. Everybody needs a companion

Please make dua for me
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Argamemnon
12-11-2008, 04:20 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Argamemnon; I hope you are getting through today.

Have you ever thought about doing a part time voluntary job, there are all kinds advertised in the UK, in hospitals, nursing homes, day centres, charity shops, etc.

It seems to have wonderful things going for it, people who need voluntary help often have problems and you have to talk to them about the help they need. There are often a lot of women working in those kind of jobs, and of course you are helping others. There may well be Islamic places that need volunteers.

Often with voluntary jobs there is less pressure on you to produce lots of results, and it might be easier for you to socialise. Doing voluntary work often goes down well with future employers.

And you have to go out the house too.:)

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric
Greetings and peace be with you Eric,

I have done voluntary work for a year in 2007-2008. Currently, I'm applying for jobs....
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