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~Taalibah~
12-04-2008, 12:21 PM
:sl:

Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Seeing that there are quite a few marriage threads around, i'll add one...

What questions would you ask a potential partner?

This question has been on my mind for a while, and i know that it will depend on the persons but, on the whole which are questions that will help you get a better understanding of the person and his/her likes or dislikes?
Reply

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IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2008, 12:30 PM
i wouldnt ask anything to be honest


i'd just joke with her


thats it




i'll let my parents do the asking and finding out lol



Assalamu Alaikum
Reply

wildkat
12-04-2008, 12:37 PM
I would ask whether or not he would let me work.. That would tell alot about his attitude towards women huh??
Reply

Sahabiyaat
12-04-2008, 12:43 PM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
i wouldnt ask anything to be honest


i'd just joke with her


thats it




i'll let my parents do the asking and finding out lol



Assalamu Alaikum
joking is fine, but not having a single serious moment isnt really the attitude you want to put on trust me!
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IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2008, 12:45 PM
Originally Posted by wildkat
I would ask whether or not he would let me work.. That would tell alot about his attitude towards women huh??

huh?


i dont want my wife to work, at the same time i wont stop her if she insists on working for say a school (primary not secondary or islamic) or something which requires no mixing with opp gender but i would insist when complications arise (helping family/pregnancy etc)


what does that tell you about my attitude towards women? seriously i wanna know



Assalamu ALaikum
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2008, 12:46 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
joking is fine, but not having a single serious moment isnt really the attitude you want to put on trust me!
i dont like serious, during such meetings people get sooo tense and awkward and then you wanna throw serious into that bag n mix it? no thanks
Reply

chacha_jalebi
12-04-2008, 12:48 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:


What questions would you ask a potential partner?
isnt it obvious....

will you marry me :p
Reply

wildkat
12-04-2008, 12:52 PM
Well maybe I have a very biased opinion because of my upbringing, where girls are expected to be housewives and nothing more, and thats what most of the men expect too! But honestly, if my potential partner expected that of me, I would refuse, since I want to be a nurse I cant years off work and go back when I want like teachers, I'd get kicked off the nursing register and never allowed back and thats something I dont want.
Reply

crayon
12-04-2008, 12:54 PM
Oh, I can think of a question or two... Or several thousand.
I'll edit some into this post as I think of them.

-How many times a day does he pray at the masjid?
-How much quran does he know, is he willing to learn more?
-How important is travel to him?
-What role does he expect the woman to have in running a household? And the man?
-What does he think of my photography? (not whether he likes it or not, but how supportive he will be if i want to pursue a hobby/career in it)
-Does he have a temper?
-Where does he want to live, and for how long?
-Goals in life?
-When he makes a mistake, does he apologize?
-Does he smoke? (if yes, it's a definite no, unless he quits)
-Does he ever consider having more than one wife?
-I'll ask random subtle questions to try to figure out what comes first for him, culture or islam.
-Describe the person he wants to marry.
-Are the Jews behind everything bad that happens in the muslim/arab world?
-Are the Americans behind everything bad that happens in the muslim/arab world?


add more later..
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-04-2008, 12:57 PM
Originally Posted by wildkat
Well maybe I have a very biased opinion because of my upbringing, where girls are expected to be housewives and nothing more,.
subhanAllah you demean the position of wife and mother so much where our prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam raised their position so high by saying "he who is best to his wife is best of men" and "below the mothers feet lies jannah"...


"men are expected to work their asses off, nothing more" (bring home money n take care o stuff etc)


^ see how that sounds!




please try not to think like that inshAllah.


Assalamu Alaikum
Reply

wildkat
12-04-2008, 01:03 PM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman

please try not to think like that inshAllah.
Easier said then done you know?

and thats another thing, i would wanna know what his mothers like, I know too many people who's lives are made miserable because of their mother-in-laws.. if his mums a cow, forget it lol!
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~Taalibah~
12-04-2008, 01:31 PM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
i dont like serious, during such meetings people get sooo tense and awkward and then you wanna throw serious into that bag n mix it? no thanks
:sl:
Sure ppl are tense, but you dnt have to be dead serious, you may be with the person for life why not try and see for yourself what they're like? I guess a joke or 2 would be fine but to only joke? Nah.
Originally Posted by wildkat

and thats another thing, i would wanna know what his mothers like, I know too many people who's lives are made miserable because of their mother-in-laws.. if his mums a cow, forget it lol!
:sl:

Hey sis, i'm with you there. There are two sets of mom-inlaws the horrible kind and the nice. Girls here seem to worry about the inlaws than the boy!
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 02:38 PM
  1. What is your concept of marriage?
  2. Have you been married before?
  3. Are you married now?
  4. What are you expectations of marriage?
  5. What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
  6. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
  7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
  8. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
  9. What is the role of religion in your life now?
  10. Are you a spiritual person?
  11. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
  12. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
  13. What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
  14. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
  15. What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
  16. What is the role of the husband?
  17. What is the role of the wife?
  18. Do you want to practice polygamy?
  19. What is your relationship with your family?
  20. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
  21. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
  22. Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
  23. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
  24. If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
  25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
  26. How did you get to know them?
  27. Why are they your friends?
  28. What do you like most about them?
  29. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
  30. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
  31. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
  32. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
  33. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
  34. What are the things that you do in your free time?
  35. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
  36. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
  37. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
  38. Do you travel?
  39. How do you spend your vacations?
  40. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
  41. Do you read?
  42. What do you read?
  43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
  44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
  45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
  46. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
  47. Do you like to write your feelings?
  48. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
  49. If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
  50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
  51. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
  52. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
  53. Do your friends use foul language?
  54. Does your family use foul language?
  55. How do you express anger?
  56. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
  57. What do you do when you are angry?
  58. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
  59. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
  60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
  61. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
  62. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
  63. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
  64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
  65. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
  66. How do you support your own health and nutrition?
  67. What is you definition of wealth?
  68. How do you spend money?
  69. How do you save money?
  70. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
  71. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
  72. Do you use credit cards?
  73. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
  74. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
  75. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
  76. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
  77. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
  78. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
  79. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
  80. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
  81. Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
  82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
  83. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
  84. Do you believe in abortion?
  85. Do you have children now?
  86. What is your relationship with your children now?
  87. What is your relationship with their other parent?
  88. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
  89. What is the best method(s) of raising children?
  90. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
  91. How were you raised?
  92. How were you disciplined?
  93. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
  94. Do you believe in public school for your children?
  95. Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
  96. Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
  97. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
  98. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
  99. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
  100. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
;D love the 3rd ques ;D I havnt read em all btw :p
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aamirsaab
12-04-2008, 02:40 PM
:sl:
You are female, right?
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 02:41 PM
Originally Posted by aamirsaab
:sl:
You are female, right?
:wasalamex

;D ^ yeah or I'd have a lil emphasis...

You are a dude....Right?

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

aamirsaab
12-04-2008, 02:47 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
:wasalamex

;D ^ yeah or I'd have a lil emphasis...

You are a dude....Right?

WassalamuAlaykum
lol.

Seriously speaking I honestly don't know what I'd say. I'd feel uncomfortable if I went straight for the jugular: ''sup, wanna get hitched?''

But I wouldn't want to pussyfoot around it with: ''....yeah so you know, like I'm here, a male, sitting next to you...a female...''

I don't know - maybe I'd joke about the situation. Or ask her if she's pakistani. And then tease her if she says yes.
Reply

Muezzin
12-04-2008, 02:48 PM
Please don't let this become some sort of repository for lame chat-up lines...

Anyway, my questions:

1) How many angels dance on the head of a pin?

2) How long is a piece of string?

3) Who would win if a pirate and ninja fought?

4) Do you like eggs?

5) What are your bank details?

If she fails to answer these questions because of shock, she has an incompatible sense of humour and must find someone else.

If she fails to answer these questions because of laughter, she is my mother.

If she answers these questions seriously, she has an incompatible senses of humour and must find someone else. After I have withdrawn £200 from her bank account.

If she answers these questions jokingly, but fails to make me laugh, she is incompatible and possibly my father.

If she answer these questions jokingly and makes me laugh, it is a practical joke.
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 02:50 PM
Seriously speaking I honestly don't know what I'd say. I'd feel uncomfortable if I went straight for the jugular: ''sup, wanna get hitched?''
Its a potential partner, I'm assuming you'd have agreed on that by the time you got round to a meeting and asking Q's? :p

But I wouldn't want to pussyfoot around it with: ''....yeah so you know, like I'm here, a male, sitting next to you...a female...''
;D

I don't know - maybe I'd joke about the situation. Or ask her if she's pakistani. And then tease her if she says yes.
Wouldnt you have found that out beforehand?

And whats rong with being Baaki? :mmokay: lol
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جوري
12-04-2008, 03:03 PM
you probably and most useful really is ask of their medical history.. especially in the middle east where AIDS is on the rise as is the quest for virgins

http://www.merip.org/mer/mer233/sufian.html

UNAIDS estimates that 75,000 people from the Middle East and North Africa were newly infected with HIV/AIDS in 2003 alone, while 24,000 adults and children died from the disease in the same year. Moreover, the quality of the available data is seriously lacking. No country in the Middle East and North Africa conducts systematic surveys of groups at high risk of infection. As a consequence, the UNAIDS estimate of the total number of HIV/AIDS cases in the region lies within a very broad range of possible cases, from 200,000 to 1.4 million people.[1] Only 5 percent of Middle Easterners and North Africans who need anti-retroviral treatment receive it.[2]
anyone can feign religiosity really..

and Allah swt knows best

:w:
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Danah
12-04-2008, 03:23 PM
honestly ........ I will ask the following in the same order:

1. how many times you pray in masjid?
2. do you like to fast nafl?
3. what is your family to you (parents & sibling)?
4. what is the most thing made u upset?
5. what do you expect from me?
6. what do you think I expect from you?
5. what is your perspective of the other religions
*since I have the interest on the other religions*
7. how much time during the day you like to use computer
*supposing by default that he will be a computer Geek as me :-[*
8. what are the cultures that you like to know more?
*have the interest as well*

and thats all.........feel pity for him :-[



Edit: OMG Amat al Wadud ;D you will need a week to get answers to all those questions ;D
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Banu_Hashim
12-04-2008, 03:44 PM
All of the posts sound like a proper job interviews! I can imagine people getting worked up about these situations and cracking under the stress :p.

Originally Posted by Muezzin

3) Who would win if a pirate and ninja fought?
^^ lol. Obviously an crucial question, that must be answered correctly.

On a serious note, probably questions about the future, and how they deal with stress and things like that. Nothing too much.
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Re.TiReD
12-04-2008, 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by SAYA


Edit: OMG Amat al Wadud ;D you will need a week to get answers to all those questions ;D
I know :-[

But I getting married innit, cant marry any old Tom, Dumb or Harry :p

WassalamuAlaykum

P.S I'm kiddin, I copied them from somewhere, I'm not sure what I'd ask and I cant help but think I'd ask completely irrelevant questions due to nervousness :$
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Danah
12-04-2008, 03:49 PM
LOL....I think when it comes to reality, we might not say a word out of stress..........I hope not in my case :p
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~Taalibah~
12-04-2008, 05:14 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Please don't let this become some sort of repository for lame chat-up lines...
Please ppl.:)
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-04-2008, 05:54 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Anyway, my questions:

1) How many angels dance on the head of a pin?

2) How long is a piece of string?

3) Who would win if a pirate and ninja fought?

4) Do you like eggs?

5) What are your bank details?

If she fails to answer these questions because of shock, she has an incompatible sense of humour and must find someone else.

If she fails to answer these questions because of laughter, she is my mother.

If she answers these questions seriously, she has an incompatible senses of humour and must find someone else. After I have withdrawn £200 from her bank account.

If she answers these questions jokingly, but fails to make me laugh, she is incompatible and possibly my father.

If she answer these questions jokingly and makes me laugh, it is a practical joke.
I thought it the women who are after the bank details.:P


Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
I know :-[

But I getting married innit, cant marry any old Tom, Dumb or Harry :p

WassalamuAlaykum

P.S I'm kiddin, I copied them from somewhere, I'm not sure what I'd ask and I cant help but think I'd ask completely irrelevant questions due to nervousness :$
:s:
Lol, thats true! That kinda what happened to my friend.
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Faseeha
12-04-2008, 08:54 PM
:sl:

Questions I'd ask, hmmm :confused:

1. What are your reasons for wanting to get married (There are still people out there who do it because of pressure from parents)

2. Tell me a little about your relationship with your mom and sisters ( You can tell alot about a person from the way they interact and act towards their close family.)

3. What would be your expectations from a wife, and from marriage?
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~Taalibah~
12-04-2008, 09:16 PM
:sl:

Good points.
I'll post mine tomorrow Insha'Allah.
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Musaafirah
12-04-2008, 09:24 PM
My question:
Will you provide me an endless supply of chocolate?
On a serious note, my eyes mught be too focused on the ground and I'd probably be looking really red, maybe brick red, maybe even worse.
On the subject, what's with all the marriage related threads? I thought Summer was the marriage season?
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Faith.
12-04-2008, 09:25 PM
AssalamuAlaykum,
Hmmm...Tricky..!
Id ask whether he'd consider himself a religious person
Whether he prays his regular namaaz's..(On time:p)
Errr...
Id ask about his interests...Like & dislikes....
Urmm ...whether he's freindly and an outgoing person
Id also ask why he wants to get married...(Cz some can be clueless when it comes to marriage !) lol

& Id interigate the Mother-in-law as well....(Nah nt really...Thats rude)
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
12-05-2008, 09:02 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:

Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Seeing that there are quite a few marriage threads around, i'll add one...

What questions would you ask a potential partner?

This question has been on my mind for a while, and i know that it will depend on the persons but, on the whole which are questions that will help you get a better understanding of the person and his/her likes or dislikes?
lol..interesting qn...not too sure exactly, but i do know that ill probs bring up polygmy lol...

itll go something like this

me: sooo, what do ya think of polygymy :?

him: yeah *nods head in agreement*

me: what do you think of polygamy :raging::mad:

him : o-o-one wifes good :exhausted:ooh:

Me: is that a statement or a question: :raging::mad:

him: s-s-statement :phew

me: :statisfie


;D
btw i anit anti polygamy or polygamists, BUT i would be anti being a co-wife :-[ :D
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Re.TiReD
12-05-2008, 01:02 PM
LOL ;D ^

At this moment in time I cant imagine the conversation being coherent at all :exhausted
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AhlaamBella
12-05-2008, 01:07 PM
I have a potential partner coming tonight. . . he's only been muslim 6 yrs, any ideas for questions????
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Re.TiReD
12-05-2008, 01:09 PM
Aww masha'Allah.

Erm all of the above :p but dont scare him :p lol all the best, hope it goes well insha'Allah!
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IbnAbdulHakim
12-05-2008, 01:12 PM
Originally Posted by RoseGold
I have a potential partner coming tonight. . . he's only been muslim 6 yrs, any ideas for questions????
ask him why he wants to marry you

and ask him why you should marry him





....or you could play the shy game

you know how it is, face down, red cheeks, all giggling, he tries speak n ur like "tee hee" and his like "lol the hek?" :|... seen it happen too many times
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Re.TiReD
12-05-2008, 01:14 PM
Since he's a revert and you are too, you've got a topic for discussion already....and then you can move on to marriage related Q's
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MinAhlilHadeeth
12-05-2008, 01:28 PM
Originally Posted by RoseGold
I have a potential partner coming tonight. . . he's only been muslim 6 yrs, any ideas for questions????
:salamext:

That would depend on what's important to you, sis. What qualities are you looking for/dislike? Think about that, and then think of ways that you can ask questions about those things. Do you have any specific plans for the future, like making hijrah? What do you expect from a husband?

You could also ask him these sort of questions, to see if you'd be compatible for him.
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~Taalibah~
12-05-2008, 01:59 PM
Originally Posted by Ramlah
lol..interesting qn...not too sure exactly, but i do know that ill probs bring up polygmy lol...

itll go something like this

me: sooo, what do ya think of polygymy :?

him: yeah *nods head in agreement*

me: what do you think of polygamy :raging::mad:

him : o-o-one wifes good :exhausted:ooh:

Me: is that a statement or a question: :raging::mad:

him: s-s-statement :phew

me: :statisfie


;D
btw i anit anti polygamy or polygamists, BUT i would be anti being a co-wife :-[ :D
:sl:

hehe, me too.
Originally Posted by RoseGold
I have a potential partner coming tonight. . . he's only been muslim 6 yrs, any ideas for questions????
:sl:
Wish you the best sis. I agree with the above q's, and you could also ask him about his salaah, what he thinks of Islam. Just ideas.
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~Taalibah~
12-05-2008, 02:10 PM
Ok heres my questions, originally before this thread,

1- What do you want in a wife?
2- way of dress?
3- daily salaah?
4- Work?
5- Where your intention of living is?
6- he intermingle freely with women?
7- particular dislikes
8- >..?

Only hope i dont freak out instead. lol.
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Re.TiReD
12-05-2008, 02:10 PM
Ur siggy is amazing sis!


The Big Issues:
(1) What makes him angry and how does he deal with his anger?
Does he blame everybody but himself?
Does he stop talking to the person involved?
Does he bear grudges ("I'll get him back one day!")
Has he ever physically or mentally abused anyone with whom he was angry?
Does he get angry when those who may be wiser disagree or suggest an alternative point of view?
Does he ever forgive those with whom he was angry?
(2) How does he behave during a crisis?
Does he blame everyone except himself?
Does he become hostile towards an uninvolved member of an ethnic group which is known to abuse followers of Islam?
What steps does he take to face and deal with pressure?
Does he remain optimistic that things will get better, and that after every difficulty comes ease?
(3) How does he feel about women's rights in a Muslim home?
Did he ever observe abuse from his father towards his mother?
Did he ever act to prevent abuse at home? How?
Did he believe that his father was always right?
Does he believe that all women deserve abuse?
How does he make decisions? Does he rely on his own wisdom? Does he consult with close friends?
Will he be willing to consult with his spouse on any decision?
Does he stick firmly to his decisions?
(4) How does he deal with money matters?
Does he save his money for the future?
Does he give money to charities?
When he decides to buy something, will he consult his spouse in making the decision?
How does he describe his own spending and attitude towards money?
(5) What does he expect from his wife and children?
How would he react if his expectations are not met?
What is his vision of family life?
Would he pitch in and co-operate in family chores and the upbringing of children?
Would he be willing to change to accommodate your views?
(6) What are his family like?
Are his family religious, or will you be the only one in hijab?
Does their approach to Islam differ from yours - will you be the only "fundamentalists" in a family whose Islam is more "traditional"?
If this is a mixed match, are his folks open to outsiders, or will you face clannishness and exclusion?
(7) What is his medical background?
(Many Imams in the US are now refusing to conduct Nikah until they see proof that the couple have undergone blood tests and been given a clean bill of health)
Has he ever had an AIDS test, and what was the result?
Is there any history of major illness in his family?
(8) What are his views on education of women and children?
Will he allow you to continue and/or return to education?
What are his views on education and schooling of children? If you have strong views on Islamic schools, home schooling, etc., find out if his views coincide with yours.
Will he take part in the children's upbringing and education? Will he teach them Qur'an?
(9) Where does he want to live?
Does he want to settle in the country where you now live?
Does he want to return to his homeland? Does he want to move to a new country altogether?
Will the family have to move frequently because of his profession?
Will he take your feelings into account when deciding where to live?
Does he aspire to a large and luxurious home, or will he settle for less? Does he want to live in the heart of the city, in the suburbs, or in an isolated rural setting?
Day-to-day matters
Some of these are individual preferences - what may deeply concern some may not even be an issue to others, but if you have some strong feelings on a matter, it is better to get it out into the open before you make a commitment:
(1) Food:
Do you agree on the "halal meat" issue - some people will only eat halal-slaughtered meat, whilst others will eat any "meat of the Jews and Christians" as long as it's not pork.
Does he insist on only eating the food of his own ethnic group, or are his tastes more eclectic?
Will he insist on having every meal cooked from scratch, or will you be able to have convenience food or take-away on busy days?
Does he have some strong preferences for meat, or will you "go vegetarian" some days?
(2) Smoking:
Does he smoke? Do any of his family or friends smoke? Will he let people smoke in your non-smoking home?
(3) Going Out:
How does he feel about women going outside the home? studying outside? working outside?
Will he want to "check out" your friends and only let you visit those of whom he approves?
How does he feel about women driving?
(4) Pets:
Are either of you very keen to keep pets at home?
Do either of you have any allergies, dislikes, or phobias when it comes to animals?

have fun :p http://www.jannah.org/sisters/queshusbands.html
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~Taalibah~
12-05-2008, 02:22 PM
Jazakallah!:D

Honestly, really keeping that list and questioning him will definitely scare him away! lol.;D
[QUOTE=Amatul Wadud;1056487]Ur siggy is amazing sis!



(1) Food:
Do you agree on the "halal meat" issue - some people will only eat halal-slaughtered meat, whilst others will eat any "meat of the Jews and Christians" as long as it's not pork.
Does he insist on only eating the food of his own ethnic group, or are his tastes more eclectic?
Will he insist on having every meal cooked from scratch, or will you be able to have convenience food or take-away on busy days?
Does he have some strong preferences for meat, or will you "go vegetarian" some days?
[quote]

Good one.
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-05-2008, 02:23 PM
One question......what types of irregularities does he have..if any
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-05-2008, 02:32 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
One question......what types of irregularities does he have..if any
:sl:
he?
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-05-2008, 02:34 PM
^........?
Reply

S_87
12-05-2008, 07:48 PM
what they expect in a wife, how much money they are making and if they can support me cos im not working :p

just kidding. TBH i dont know it depends on the person and how im talking to them and if im nervous or not :?
Reply

hotk
12-06-2008, 01:17 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:

Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Seeing that there are quite a few marriage threads around, i'll add one...

What questions would you ask a potential partner?

This question has been on my mind for a while, and i know that it will depend on the persons but, on the whole which are questions that will help you get a better understanding of the person and his/her likes or dislikes?
Ask him where he sees himself in 10 years time you'll know if the answers right.
Reply

islamirama
12-06-2008, 01:59 AM
I plan to follow up my "marriage one" poll thread with a questionnaire survey. If you guys interested in having your questions included, let me know :)
Reply

Sahabiyaat
12-06-2008, 10:10 AM
ive been awake since 6:30 and i feel a bit giddy so bear with me LI!

All these serious questions are asked when youve known the person for a while and are comfortable with telling everything about yourself. Otherwise in the beginning its all giggling and looking down, and joking around and not getting to the point.

anyhow, what would i ask.............................................. ^o)

i would ask most of the questions people have mentioned about deen/education/ likes/dislikes/habits.

Usually you cant get a word out when they just sit and stare at you and smile serenely, and you have to say could you please stop doing that man :skeleton:
Reply

S_87
12-06-2008, 12:44 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat

Usually you cant get a word out when they just sit and stare at you and smile serenely, and you have to say could you please stop doing that man :skeleton:
and you have to be all polite and not roll your eyes and say what are you looking at? :p :rolleyes:

i hope i never have to do that
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-06-2008, 12:48 PM
i hate the rolling of the eyes....sometimes i feel i wish i could detach the eyes out of their sockets
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-06-2008, 01:54 PM
:sl:
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
^........?
One question......what types of irregularities does he have..if any
Was that directed at me? Or something you'd say?
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-06-2008, 01:57 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
Usually you cant get a word out when they just sit and stare at you and smile serenely, and you have to say could you please stop doing that man :skeleton:
I'd get highly irritated if they did that.
Reply

Somalina
12-06-2008, 06:48 PM
What would trigger you to embark on a physical Jihad?
What do you do for the Ummah?
Can you cook?
How often do you attend the barber shop?
Reply

Sahabiyaat
12-06-2008, 07:58 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:




Was that directed at me? Or something you'd say?

nah it was directed at me, everything is always directed at me *rolls eyes just to annoy*:D
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-06-2008, 08:19 PM
Originally Posted by Somalina
How often do you attend the barber shop?
;D lol nice one, lol that made me laugh...sorry inside joke :-[ but kool :thumbs_up
Reply

AhlaamBella
12-06-2008, 10:36 PM
SubhanAllah, jazakAllah for your suggestions :) things went well Alhamdulilah. two questions I was asked took me by surprise so thought I'd add them here:

1/ Do you like swimming? ( :? I think this was mainly because he liked swimming I think)
2/ What are your bad habits? (was totally speechless to this so left it to my dad lol)
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
12-07-2008, 01:35 AM
:sl:

I have a few on my head that I know I'd ask..but they've been already mentioned in some form or another already..and some interesting ones too that I hadn't thought of before.
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 07:21 AM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
nah it was directed at me, everything is always directed at me *rolls eyes just to annoy*:D
*whistles* ....anyyyybodyyy wants their eeyyes detached forrr themm......:?lol
Reply

Sahabiyaat
12-07-2008, 01:26 PM
a question akhee junior would ask;

Number one lady, just tell me if you roll ur eyes, because i just cant stand women who roll their eyes, if you roll ur eyes just once, you aint gna have none to roll.You got that!

*someone will be staying single for a very very long time to come* :D
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 01:39 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
a question akhee junior would ask;

Number one lady, just tell me if you roll ur eyes, because i just cant stand women who roll their eyes, if you roll ur eyes just once, you aint gna have none to roll.You got that!

*someone will be staying single for a very very long time to come* :D
if there's no prospect of finding a good muslimah with a pulchritudinous smile then staying single is the next best thing

and to ask a potential wife if she rolls her eyes is abt stupid....cus its natural for females to do it and so for me to hate it is trivial even though its alil annoying

even my beloved mother rolls her eyes :)
Reply

Sahabiyaat
12-07-2008, 01:42 PM
lol.

:D

i learnt a new word today..*looks in dictionary*...pulchritudinous; as having great beauty or appeal

its sounds like a fruit?
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 01:53 PM
yeah you could say a 'fruity' smile maybe ??
Reply

TrueStranger
12-07-2008, 02:06 PM
:sl:

Actually, I won’t question him. His actions will answer my questions not his words.
Reply

Olive
12-07-2008, 02:11 PM
^Wise words... :)
Reply

S_87
12-07-2008, 02:21 PM
Originally Posted by TrueStranger
:sl:

Actually, I won’t question him. His actions will answer my questions not his words.
in some ways, but how would you know a lot of his deeper views that you might want to know through actions :?


oh another question- previous relationships and how many
Reply

Najm
12-07-2008, 02:21 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

i would have loads of questions!!!
I dont think i would ever finish

  1. Who do you love more, your mother or father?
  2. Whats you relationship with your mother?
  3. Tell me about your relationship with you mother?
  4. Whats you relationship with your father?
  5. Tell me about your relationship with you father?
  6. Who do you love more, your sisters or brothers?
  7. Whats you relationship with your sisters?
  8. Tell me about your relationship with you sisters?
  9. Whats you relationship with your brothers?
  10. Tell me about your relationship with you brothers?
  11. Whos your best friend?
  12. Whats you relationship with your best friend?
  13. Tell me about your relationship with your best friend?


Anyways.....i would expect essays:-[:-[

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

Faith.
12-07-2008, 02:24 PM
^Mind yu...they'd probably have prepared an essay of Questions for us to:X
Reply

Ansariyah
12-07-2008, 02:46 PM
Does anybody actually ask questions..its weird. lol

Do u smoke?
Can u breakDance?
ur view on ice-skating?
Do u watch a lot of t.v?
Wat do u do more, sitting or standing?
If u got a call from a friend at 2 am...wud u get up n help them?
In the morning, Do u brush ur teeth be4 or after eating, better be be4!
Do u shower everyday?
Wen u make wudu for fajr, do u also brush ur teeth?
Lets see ur socks pls!
Do u wear white socks? If he doesn't that means ahem ahem!
Do u eat too much?
Athletic?
Wen home is 30 mins "walk" away, do u rather take the bus or walk?
Are u LoyaL?
If ur friend was deep in it..n rang ur bell "the cops are chasing me let me in maan"..wud u: think twice n say /no no wen it comes to the law, i dont want trouble sorry n close dooor...or..: let him in cause he's ur friend u will hide him in ur home.
Are u obsessive?
do u have a addictive personality?
Have u ever raised ur voice to ur parents?
Have u ever raised a hand to anybody? n Why?
Woman slaps man, ur view? Shud the man slap her back?
If u are hungry n u just bought food, n u see a hungry person diggin the rubbish bin, wud u give some of ur food to him/her..or wud u worry about ur own hunger?
Hitting kids, is it ever ok?
When ur wife gives birth, wud u cook/clean?

owkey why did I even start writting?:-[
Reply

Güven
12-07-2008, 02:53 PM
WHAT!? dont tell me you guys realy gonna ask those things !? :skeleton:

:wasalamex
Reply

S_87
12-07-2008, 02:54 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Does anybody actually ask questions..its weird.

Do u wear white socks? If he doesn't that means ahem ahem!


owkey why did I even start writting?:-[

whats the white socks thing :?
(and some of ur questions are yes very askable)
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 03:06 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Does anybody actually ask questions..its weird. lol

Do u smoke?
Can u breakDance?
ur view on ice-skating?
Do u watch a lot of t.v?
Wat do u do more, sitting or standing?
If u got a call from a friend at 2 am...wud u get up n help them?
In the morning, Do u brush ur teeth be4 or after eating, better be be4!
Do u shower everyday?
Wen u make wudu for fajr, do u also brush ur teeth?
Lets see ur socks pls!
Do u wear white socks? If he doesn't that means ahem ahem!
Do u eat too much?
Athletic?
Wen home is 30 mins "walk" away, do u rather take the bus or walk?
Are u LoyaL?
If ur friend was deep in it..n rang ur bell "the cops are chasing me let me in maan"..wud u: think twice n say /no no wen it comes to the law, i dont want trouble sorry n close dooor...or..: let him in cause he's ur friend u will hide him in ur home.
Are u obsessive?
do u have a addictive personality?
Have u ever raised ur voice to ur parents?
Have u ever raised a hand to anybody? n Why?
Woman slaps man, ur view? Shud the man slap her back?
If u are hungry n u just bought food, n u see a hungry person diggin the rubbish bin, wud u give some of ur food to him/her..or wud u worry about ur own hunger?
Hitting kids, is it ever ok?
When ur wife gives birth, wud u cook/clean?

owkey why did I even start writting?:-[
wow!! if those question were put forth to me...i would fail big time:skeleton:
Reply

TrueStranger
12-07-2008, 03:08 PM
Originally Posted by amani
in some ways, but how would you know a lot of his deeper views that you might want to know through actions :?
Depends what these deeper views are. :blind:


oh another question- previous relationships and how many

????:?
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-07-2008, 03:36 PM
Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Does anybody actually ask questions..its weird.
wahayy someone agrees wiv me!

Do u wear white socks? If he doesn't that means ahem ahem!
WHAT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN :ooh: ??? the suspense!!!




:ooh:
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 03:47 PM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
wahayy someone agrees wiv me!


WHAT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN :ooh: ??? the suspense!!!




:ooh:
Its one of the many inside jokes the sister are sharing in the designated private rooms
Reply

Banu_Hashim
12-07-2008, 03:47 PM
^^ Agreed.

I would find it weird asking so many direct questions.
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
12-07-2008, 03:48 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
Its one of the many inside jokes the sister are sharing in the designated private rooms
and with that i lose all interest in it



lol jazakAllah khair
Reply

Umm Hurairah
12-07-2008, 06:33 PM
Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarkatu,

How often do you pray nafl prayers and how much of the Quran have you read/memorized? <--- This can tell a lot about a person's deen Insha Allah. :hiding:
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-07-2008, 08:50 PM
AssalamuAlaykum

Fab post masha'Allah ^^

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

islamirama
12-07-2008, 09:02 PM
Some of these questions are not serious at all, would make me think if the sister is even serious about marriage or may be she not mature enough yet?
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-07-2008, 09:07 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
Some of these questions are not serious at all, would make me think if the sister is even serious about marriage or may be she not mature enough yet?
LOL akhee I'm sorry. I seriously doubt any sister would ask questions as silly and I definately wouldnt...I wouldnt be able to get two words out nevermind a whole series of questions.

Real life is different :)

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 09:08 PM
whats up with this 'haircut...and did you go to the barbers?' joke of a posts
im currently growing my hair and the more barber posts i read the more i become uneasy??
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-07-2008, 09:12 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
whats up with this 'haircut...and did you go to the barbers?' joke of a posts
im currently growing my hair and the more barber posts i read the more i become uneasy??
Oh myyy...I'm so sorry....*goes off to edit*

Sorry akhee I didnt mean anything by it
Reply

Cabdullahi
12-07-2008, 09:20 PM
a question i would ask is how big are her eyelids???
Reply

Güven
12-07-2008, 09:20 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
a question i would ask is how big are her eyelids???
I was going to type the same thing ' lol (inside joke)
Reply

Banu_Hashim
12-07-2008, 09:38 PM
Have a look at this:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=SrnjYYuDfXs

It's funny, and has a point. :D
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
12-07-2008, 10:01 PM
^ http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1F8vVJMklHU
Reply

crayon
12-07-2008, 10:32 PM
Haha, great two videos!
In the second video, I love that idea of him filming their first meeting, so cool.
Reply

S_87
12-07-2008, 11:52 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
Some of these questions are not serious at all, would make me think if the sister is even serious about marriage or may be she not mature enough yet?
thats true, these questions are just idea giving ones, not something that any male or female should go by because with each different person its different talking to them.. just go with the flow.


Plus all those questions about if a man would hit a woman, which brother would seriously tell a woman theyd hit her? :rollseyes:blind:
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
12-08-2008, 08:14 AM
:sl:
for me personally one of the things i would bring up are things about both our personalities that i feel would have a negative effect on our (potential) marriage... thats probably one of the things id get outta the way first.

but id just relax and ask general questions just to keep the atmosphere relaxed and not tense, like favorite reciter and stuff like that...then get to the serious business, such as anger management, how he treats kids... etc or something along those lines....

and generally speaking, i don't think either party should agree to marrying until/unless they have felt comfortable and "touched base" with everything they consider important for maintaining a healthy marriage...


Originally Posted by Umm Hurairah
Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarkatu,

How often do you pray nafl prayers and how much of the Quran have you read/memorized? <--- This can tell a lot about a person's deen Insha Allah. :hiding:
i disagree with that...the quran is so easy to memorize, but the practice is the most important...so many people have strong knowledge, yet they still lack alot of manners...i mean huffath is good, but i dont see exactly how it necessarily relates to his deen...

and yet so many people lack knowledge/aren't fluent in the quran,etc, and yet their manners are sky high :)
Reply

crayon
12-08-2008, 09:17 AM
Originally Posted by amani
Plus all those questions about if a man would hit a woman, which brother would seriously tell a woman theyd hit her? :rollseyes:blind:
Well, if they said yes, it would tell a lot about their intelligence... or honesty... or not. hmmm.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
12-08-2008, 09:19 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by amani
Plus all those questions about if a man would hit a woman, which brother would seriously tell a woman theyd hit her? :rollseyes:blind:
thats why you gotta ask these questions subtly...you know, be smart and clever about it :p :D
Reply

Ansariyah
12-08-2008, 10:12 AM
Originally Posted by amani
whats the white socks thing :?
(and some of ur questions are yes very askable)
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
wahayy someone agrees wiv me!


WHAT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN :ooh: ??? the suspense!!!




:ooh:

Okeyyy.."if he wears non=white socks: It means that he wants to hide the not so clean colours in dark socks, but if he wears white it means he's confident about his hygiene n is a clean person. lol:X


Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
Its one of the many inside jokes the sister are sharing in the designated private rooms
I don't post in the sisters area...ha...so no! not an inside joke!:sunny:..

peaaaaaace. Eid Mubarak!
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
12-08-2008, 10:38 AM
Edit
Reply

Umm Hurairah
12-08-2008, 05:24 PM
Originally Posted by Ramlah
:sl:

i disagree with that...the quran is so easy to memorize, but the practice is the most important...so many people have strong knowledge, yet they still lack alot of manners...i mean huffath is good, but i dont see exactly how it necessarily relates to his deen...

and yet so many people lack knowledge/aren't fluent in the quran,etc, and yet their manners are sky high :)
Waalaikumusalaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

If a person can take the time out from his daily routine to read/memorize the Quran or read nafl prayers, that does tell a lot. For me, if he is considered a potential partner, then my parents have already done research on him. Those are the questions I would ask him personally while I'm sure my father already has a prepared list.

Also, my answer won't depend on that but the istikhara so in the end, it's all up to Allah.

But I do agree with some points you made. There is a hadith (may Allah forgive my mistaks) that says that one of the groups of people in Hell will be the scholars of the world who didn't practice what they preached.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said: “The feet of a servant will not move on the Day of Judgment until he has been questioned about four things): his life - how he spent it, his knowledge - how he acted upon it, his wealth - where he earned it and how he spent it, and his body - how he used it.” (Tirmidhi, Kitab sifat al Qiyamah wal Raqa’iq)

May Allah forgive our mistakes and give us the power to put our knowledge into actions. Ameen Thuma Ameen.
Reply

AhlaamBella
12-08-2008, 06:06 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
Some of these questions are not serious at all, would make me think if the sister is even serious about marriage or may be she not mature enough yet?
Bro, sometimes light-hearted questions are best for working out the personality of a potential spouse. Other times, in order to avoid straight out questions you can dodge around it by asking a less obvious one :)
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-09-2008, 07:50 PM
:sl:
ahem, Been away for two days...

Originally Posted by XxFaithxX
^Mind yu...they'd probably have prepared an essay of Questions for us to:X
Actually those i know off do- My friend said her hubby wrote some stuff on his cell phone and read them off to asked her.

Originally Posted by Yanoorah
Does anybody actually ask questions..its weird. lol

Do u smoke?
Can u breakDance?
ur view on ice-skating?
Do u watch a lot of t.v?
Wat do u do more, sitting or standing?
If u got a call from a friend at 2 am...wud u get up n help them?
In the morning, Do u brush ur teeth be4 or after eating, better be be4!
Do u shower everyday?
Wen u make wudu for fajr, do u also brush ur teeth?
Lets see ur socks pls!
Do u wear white socks? If he doesn't that means ahem ahem!
Do u eat too much?
Athletic?
Wen home is 30 mins "walk" away, do u rather take the bus or walk?
Are u LoyaL?
If ur friend was deep in it..n rang ur bell "the cops are chasing me let me in maan"..wud u: think twice n say /no no wen it comes to the law, i dont want trouble sorry n close dooor...or..: let him in cause he's ur friend u will hide him in ur home.
Are u obsessive?
do u have a addictive personality?
Have u ever raised ur voice to ur parents?
Have u ever raised a hand to anybody? n Why?
Woman slaps man, ur view? Shud the man slap her back?
If u are hungry n u just bought food, n u see a hungry person diggin the rubbish bin, wud u give some of ur food to him/her..or wud u worry about ur own hunger?
Hitting kids, is it ever ok?
When ur wife gives birth, wud u cook/clean?

owkey why did I even start writting?:-[
:sl:
Would you really ask all these questins? :?

Originally Posted by islamirama
Some of these questions are not serious at all, would make me think if the sister is even serious about marriage or may be she not mature enough yet?
Agreed.

Originally Posted by Umm Hurairah

Waalaikumusalaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

If a person can take the time out from his daily routine to read/memorize the Quran or read nafl prayers, that does tell a lot. For me, if he is considered a potential partner, then my parents have already done research on him. Those are the questions I would ask him personally while I'm sure my father already has a prepared list.

Also, my answer won't depend on that but the istikhara so in the end, it's all up to Allah.
I agree with you sister.
For him to come and see me he'd haev to pass my father too. lol.
Reply

islamirama
12-09-2008, 07:54 PM
Are you virgin?

Would you do a physical test before marriage?
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-09-2008, 07:54 PM
Originally Posted by RoseGold
Bro, sometimes light-hearted questions are best for working out the personality of a potential spouse. Other times, in order to avoid straight out questions you can dodge around it by asking a less obvious one :)
:sl:
I agree sis, but um, some questions are kinda way off i think. Thats a personal opinion maybe because i'm rather too serious.
Reply

Muezzin
12-09-2008, 07:57 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
Are you virgin?

Would you do a physical test before marriage?
Um... how can you physically test a young lady's virginity before marriage, without somehow crossing a boundary?

Unless that was a joke.
Reply

islamirama
12-09-2008, 08:01 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Um... how can you physically test a young lady's virginity before marriage, without somehow crossing a boundary?

Unless that was a joke.
You don't test, this is not Christianity where the daddy goes with a handkerchief to verify. You just ask if they ever dated or got involved.

And you ask for a physical before marriage to make sure they got clean health bill.
Reply

Muezzin
12-09-2008, 08:02 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
You don't test, this is not Christianity where the daddy goes with a handkerchief to verify. You just ask if they ever dated or got involved.
Phew.

And you ask for a physical before marriage to make sure they got clean health bill.
Jazakallah for clearing that up. Seriously.
Reply

Najm
12-09-2008, 08:08 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

^^^Depends on which part of the soceity you live, that maybe be a big question:-[

All of these questions are valid really, its just which questions are more important to you. Everyone would have different sets of questions!! Even the trivial ones because it will bring out the persona in the person.

Ive asked "weird" questions before, on behalf of a cousins, things like smoking, clubbing, where do you go out during the night? etc lol:rollseyes

Its funny, they may not respond in a certain way(because they havent prepared some of these questions, and makes them think on the feet!!!) and you can tell by their reaction to the question to what they think :p

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

mastercosmos
12-09-2008, 08:15 PM
One question you should definetely ask is if he/she is already in love with someone else.

We like to think everyone is a perfect muslim but many times people develop secret crushes or loves that people don't know. It's best to talk about it from the start then to just assume that person is free. Just get that out of the way cause if you don't and you find out later it will bother you.
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-09-2008, 08:54 PM
Originally Posted by Muezzin
Um... how can you physically test a young lady's virginity before marriage, without somehow crossing a boundary?

Unless that was a joke.
Thank you so much for asking that question, I was ready to blow :exhausted
Reply

islamirama
12-09-2008, 08:59 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
Thank you so much for asking that question, I was ready to blow :exhausted
How come you didn't ask why someone would ask those questions?
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-09-2008, 09:01 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
How come you didn't ask why someone would ask those questions?
Because to me it makes sense, I'd wanna know. But to be honest I think there'd be some sort of trust, and you'd take it for granted that the other was a virgin, right? So you wouldnt ask....or would you?
Reply

~Taalibah~
12-09-2008, 09:05 PM
Originally Posted by Najm
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

^^^Depends on which part of the soceity you live, that maybe be a big question:-[

Ive asked "weird" questions before, on behalf of a cousins, things like smoking, clubbing, where do you go out during the night?
etc lol:rollseyes

FiAmaaniAllah
I think that rather important...
Originally Posted by mastercosmos
One question you should definetely ask is if he/she is already in love with someone else.

We like to think everyone is a perfect muslim but many times people develop secret crushes or loves that people don't know. It's best to talk about it from the start then to just assume that person is free. Just get that out of the way cause if you don't and you find out later it will bother you.
Good points.
Reply

islamirama
12-09-2008, 09:14 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
Because to me it makes sense, I'd wanna know. But to be honest I think there'd be some sort of trust, and you'd take it for granted that the other was a virgin, right? So you wouldnt ask....or would you?
I put that question out there to see what everyone would say. Some converts on another forum were very insistent that they will ask that question, not just that but require their potential mate to take a physical beforehand.
Reply

Whatsthepoint
12-09-2008, 09:15 PM
Cats or dogs?
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-09-2008, 09:16 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
I put that question out there to see what everyone would say. Some converts on another forum were very insistent that they will ask that question, not just that but require their potential mate to take a physical beforehand.
Yeh I've seen reverts on another forum say that too. And I understand why they'd want that.

I wonder if anybody else would ask....?
Reply

islamirama
12-09-2008, 09:19 PM
Originally Posted by Amatul Wadud
Yeh I've seen reverts on another forum say that too. And I understand why they'd want that.

I wonder if anybody else would ask....?
I don't think anyone else would ask, even if they did they would be thrown out of the house and other side would feel insulted by such a question.

But it also depends on what type of people you are visiting. Sadly enough, i don't see it impossible asking a hijabi and a niqabi that question these days considering how some have exterior hijab on only.
Reply

Re.TiReD
12-09-2008, 09:21 PM
Originally Posted by islamirama
I don't think anyone else would ask, even if they did they would be thrown out of the house and other side would feel insulted by such a question.

But it also depends on what type of people you are visiting. Sadly enough, i don't see it impossible asking a hijabi and a niqabi that question these days considering how some have exterior hijab on only.
I was just about to say that it depends on the type of person you are too. If you are practising and masha'Allah have taqwa etc etc then it's only natural you'd be drawn to such a person too....and if that was the case, then you wouldnt feel the need to ask anyway.

But if you was the type of person with no hayaa and multiple GF's in your 'youth'...I'd understand why you'd see the need to ask. Wallahu A'lam.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
12-10-2008, 07:53 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by Umm Hurairah

Waalaikumusalaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

If a person can take the time out from his daily routine to read/memorize the Quran or read nafl prayers, that does tell a lot. For me, if he is considered a potential partner, then my parents have already done research on him. Those are the questions I would ask him personally while I'm sure my father already has a prepared list.
oh okay, in that case, then that makes sense :D
Reply

islamirama
12-11-2008, 07:36 PM
From a sister:

Here are just a few questions you may want to ask a potential marriage prospect. They allow you to keep things strictly halal, while getting to know how the person's mind works. Alhamdulillah, they worked for us (along with a LOT more questions, this is just a starting block) and they were passed on to us from Baba Ali who met his wife the same way.


These questions were asked before any meetings or phone calls. They were done simply via email. When I first started writing to Hossein, I urged him from my second email to start doing istikharas. There is no point wasting each other's time. Allah (swt) is the best of all planners, and if you are supposed to marry someone, nothing will stop you. And if you are not, Allah (swt) will show you sign after sign. Whether or not you choose to accept it, is your decision.


Remember, until the day you are married, keep things halal. We are Muslim, and fully aware that Allah (swt) can take us at any time.
Would you want to go at a time when you have been committing haram activities?

Your spouse has the potential to help either get you into Janna, or take you away from it. Choose them wisely. Deen comes first.


May Allah (swt) bless us all, and guide us all to the right path inshaAllah

PS- I always tell people I was so scared when asking question 23, but I was told "you shouldn't be embarrassed about asking your potential husband anything"


1) Why do you want to get married?
2) What do you think is the role of a husband and wife in a marriage?
3) Do you feel a woman should work after marriage?
4) What is your biggest fear about marriage?
5) What action can happen one day unconsciously that would get under your skin?
6) What do you think is the role of the in laws in a marriage?
7) What kind of wedding do you envisage?
8) If there is something that I do that bothers you, would you say it or give me a signal that your bothered?
9) What is your biggest weakness?
10) What is your biggest strength?
11) What do you think is your most attractive feature?
12) You have been emailing me for a while now, what has kept your interest?
13) How long does it take for physical beauty to fade so it won't be an issue?
14) If all your friends didn't like me, how would that impact you?
15) If your friends could describe you in one word, what would it be and why?
16) If your parents could describe you in one word, what would it be and why?
17) Can men and women be just friends?
18) How important is religion in your life?
19) How religious would you describe yourself? Strict, moderate, liberal?
20) How religious would others describe you? Strict, moderate, liberal?
21) Why do you think some marriages succeed while other marriages fail?
22) If there was one thing you would want to change about yourself, what would it be?
23) If you thought your wife/husband was losing her physical attractiveness, would you not say anything or would you tell her/him? (if yes, how?)
24) There are disputes in every marriage, so if you are angry with your spouse, how would you visualize the issue being resolved?
25) What qualities are you looking for in a spouse?
26) Are there any annoying habits of friends that get on your nerves?
27) Different people have different ways of relieving stress, how do you deal with stress?
28) If you have a bad day at work, would your spouse ever know about? I mean do you come home and talk about it or do you just brush it off and you forget all about it until the next day?
29) If you found the right person for you but your mother doesn't like them because of invalid reason (e.g.
something cultural) and tells you that they don't want you to marry them, how would you react?
30) Do you want more than one wife?
31) Do you think a husband and wife should do everything together?
32) Do you think its normal for a husband and wife to have arguments?
33) Do you think a husband/wife have to agree on things to have peace between them?
34) If you came with a warning label, what would it be and why?
35) How often do you think a couple should see their in-laws?
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Güven
12-11-2008, 07:40 PM
:salamext:

^now thats what you call questions!
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~Taalibah~
12-11-2008, 08:43 PM
:sl:

Some very good questions Islamirama. :thumbs_up
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-12-2008, 08:53 AM
Originally Posted by amani
and you have to be all polite and not roll your eyes and say what are you looking at? :p :rolleyes:
OR you could say :" take a photo itll last longer." :p ;D
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Najm
12-12-2008, 02:41 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Wow, Islamirama those are awesome questions :D Are you sure you ain't a secret mod:p

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

Snowflake
12-12-2008, 02:45 PM
Originally Posted by wildkat
I would ask whether or not he would let me work.. That would tell alot about his attitude towards women huh??

I'm curious to know how that would tell you anything about his attitude?
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BNDGR
12-13-2008, 04:12 AM
Asalam alaikum,
Maybe questions like:
Do you make Salat daily?
What are some of your goals for the future?
What would some of your close friends say about you?
What do you consider to be a "good marriage"?
Tell me about your family?
What are things you feel are essential in a wife?
How do you handle difficulties when they come up in life?

Generally I would like to get a true sense of what kind of person they are, and what they consider important. And if they are a practicing muslim, since this would be important if you want a strong relationship where you both can grow together in your deen.
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crayon
12-13-2008, 09:53 AM
Another question I would ask

"Can I have a cat?!?!"

Seriously.
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Cabdullahi
12-13-2008, 09:56 AM
^what kinda question is that?........who doesnt love cats??!?!?!
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crayon
12-13-2008, 10:09 AM
My dad. :(
So when I move out I better be able to have a cat..
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-15-2008, 07:20 AM
:sl:
i would ask: are you a control freak?
:hiding:
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youngsister
12-17-2008, 05:08 PM
Originally Posted by BNDGR
Asalam alaikum,
Maybe questions like:
Do you make Salat daily?
What are some of your goals for the future?
What would some of your close friends say about you?
What do you consider to be a "good marriage"?
Tell me about your family?
What are things you feel are essential in a wife?
How do you handle difficulties when they come up in life?

Generally I would like to get a true sense of what kind of person they are, and what they consider important. And if they are a practicing muslim, since this would be important if you want a strong relationship where you both can grow together in your deen.
:sl: I agree, i know i am not going to sit there with 50 questions and tick them as i go on lol i be freaked out if someone did that, general open questions are quite good
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youngsister
12-17-2008, 05:09 PM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
^what kinda question is that?........who doesnt love cats??!?!?!
Hate them so much Istafullah
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misstique009
01-03-2009, 02:33 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
I thought it the women who are after the bank details.:P



:s:
Lol, thats true! That kinda what happened to my friend.
I think Sabeeha is talking about me:embarrass Thing is, i think girls should limit their q's to 5 if u don't hav limited time. Ok, so there are alot of stuff u need to now, so why not ask after the guy proposes?
Some guys find it suffocating and u may come off as a very talkative or inquisitive person. Not good.
:peace:
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misstique009
01-03-2009, 02:36 PM
Not the bank details part-that's not me!
Reply

KelleyD
01-04-2009, 06:24 AM
The only question I would want to ask a potential marriage partner, before he saw me, was which one was more important to him......beauty or being religously committed. Depending on that answer, to me, all the rest are just details that can be worked out together in time.
Reply

wth1257
01-04-2009, 07:19 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:

Brothers and Sisters in Islam,

Seeing that there are quite a few marriage threads around, i'll add one...

What questions would you ask a potential partner?

This question has been on my mind for a while, and i know that it will depend on the persons but, on the whole which are questions that will help you get a better understanding of the person and his/her likes or dislikes?

What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, and has a bed but never sleeps??

You have to make sure she has brains. :statisfie

Someone in the relationship would have to :p
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wth1257
01-04-2009, 07:24 AM
Originally Posted by J.U.N.I.O.R
^what kinda question is that?........who doesnt love cats??!?!?!
I've met a few out there.:cry:
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wth1257
01-04-2009, 07:39 AM
Originally Posted by crayon
My dad. :(
So when I move out I better be able to have a cat..
It's not all fun and games. When I was in high school the weights were in the basement, where the family cat slept. Once when I was down there exercising I was doing stomach crunches. In between sets my cat strolled in and hoped on my stomach and started walking about which really tickled :ooh: Of course my laughing startles her, so out came the claws for balance:'( then once she has surveyed the situation and bit and calmed down she decided to lay down and chill there for a bit. Every time I tried to lift her up she got startled again. So there I was for like laying on the floor for like ten minutes with my fat worthless cat napping on me:D

Actually my cat is really loyal, she comes when I call her and follows me around:ooh:

I wish I could have her at school then I could walk around campus with my fat cat following me around:statisfie

Also, when she was younger she'd have a litter kittens every now and again, they were incredibly adorable, but after a few weeks I had to give them away:raging:


Actually, now that I think of it she's really getting old (for a cat). She won't be around for to many more years:cry:
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~Taalibah~
01-04-2009, 08:39 PM
I love cats too.
If a potential marriage partner doesnt like them/allergic, i'll not be crossing him off just because of that.^o)
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wth1257
01-05-2009, 05:29 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
I love cats too.
If a potential marriage partner doesnt like them/allergic, i'll not be crossing him off just because of that.^o)

:D

make sure to let him know where he stands:P
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AntiKarateKid
01-05-2009, 05:57 AM
Simply: Are you religious?

I'd have to cross them off if they said no.

Then of course make sure they arent pagan and etc.

Looks are 36% important to me, personality is 64%.

Without a personality you fail. Without looks, you are just a friend.:p
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arabianprincess
01-05-2009, 06:18 AM
The most important Q is


do u believe in "MY money is mine and urs is ours ":) ...thats important :D :)
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Olive
01-05-2009, 12:27 PM
Originally Posted by arabianprincess
The most important Q is


do u believe in "MY money is mine and urs is ours ":) ...thats important :D :)
HAHA! Love that one. :D
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MO783
01-05-2009, 12:39 PM
:sl:

you would ask and find out things about her, usual stuff, what she likes doing, what she doing etc

It all depends what you the individual is looking for

plz make dua for me as im looking as well
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arabianprincess
01-05-2009, 07:42 PM
Originally Posted by Hanz
HAHA! Love that one. :D
lol im serious ppl ... wat do u guys think :D
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~Taalibah~
01-05-2009, 07:57 PM
^ ^o)...I differ-
My money would be ours both and vise versa.
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KelleyD
01-05-2009, 08:51 PM
Originally Posted by wth1257
What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, and has a bed but never sleeps??
A River! :D

The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I?
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KelleyD
01-05-2009, 08:55 PM
Originally Posted by AntiKarateKid
Looks are 36% important to me, personality is 64%.
:p I am only slightly curious....how did you arrive at such precise percentages? :p
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AntiKarateKid
01-05-2009, 09:00 PM
Originally Posted by KelleyD
:p I am only slightly curious....how did you arrive at such precise percentages? :p
65% is passing for me so with only personality and absolutely no looks, you are just short of the requirement.

36% is way below passing so with no personality you're not going anywhere.

:coolious:
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Sahabiyaat
01-05-2009, 09:01 PM
i have learnt recently to ask; are you already married? because i really dont want to be a second wife, goodbye!
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Ansariyah
01-05-2009, 09:43 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
i have learnt recently to ask; are you already married? because i really dont want to be a second wife, goodbye!
lol

If he says "yes" tell him this: Do u know where the nearest cliff is..n do u know how to jump it?
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wth1257
01-06-2009, 12:54 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
^ ^o)...I differ-
My money would be ours both and vise versa.
That's how my family was
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wth1257
01-06-2009, 12:56 AM
Originally Posted by KelleyD
A River! :D

The more you take the more you leave behind. What am I?
I looked it up:embarrass

and got back "footprints"

I still don't get it:embarrass:embarrass
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wth1257
01-06-2009, 12:58 AM
Originally Posted by AntiKarateKid

Without a personality you fail. Without looks, you are just a friend.:p
:D

This is pioneering mathematical research. You should publish it.
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Yanal
01-06-2009, 02:57 AM
Asalam Alaykum Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh
First 5 are the main questions but remember I'm a lil kid what do you expect, from me right now.
1. Were you previously involved in a man if so explain your relationship.
2. How would you describe me as and be honest?
3. How are your relationships with your family?
4. Do you pray 5 times?
5. The second most important one:!
Will you join LI?
And after the talk and hopefully she will be gladly charmed by my good attributes and of course characteristics . Don't forget the Muezzin touch: And My BAD looks:D
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AntiKarateKid
01-06-2009, 03:39 AM
Originally Posted by wth1257
:D

This is pioneering mathematical research. You should publish it.
LOL.:D

Many years of hard work went into the discovery of this mathematical constant.
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youngsister
01-06-2009, 10:02 AM
:sl:

Without a personality you fail. Without looks, you are just a friend
LoL I agree but i wouldnt be friend with the person i would just cross them off.

Erm you guys have really good questions..

I would ask..
Are you religious?
Do you pray 5 times a day?
Whats your relationship with your mother?
How do you feel about my working hours (in the future i might do long shifts)?
Can you cook?
If you can what can you cook?
Do you want to make Hijra in the future?

I wouldnt ask them at the same time he would think i was nuts.
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~Taalibah~
01-06-2009, 10:10 AM
^^^^-Lets be a little more serious, shall we?
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youngsister
01-06-2009, 11:31 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
^^^^-Lets be a little more serious, shall we?
:sl:hUH something wrong with my questions? I am totally serious.:embarrass
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~Taalibah~
01-06-2009, 03:07 PM
Originally Posted by youngsister
:sl:hUH something wrong with my questions? I am totally serious.:embarrass
:w:
Not you sis.:D
further up..
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wth1257
01-06-2009, 06:11 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:w:
Not you sis.:D
further up..
sorry:embarrass
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Ummu Sufyaan
01-07-2009, 07:48 AM
:sl:

i would ask him if he would be willing/and thinks he is "fit" to raise mujahideen offspring.
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youngsister
01-07-2009, 11:45 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:w:
Not you sis.:D
further up..
:sl: Oh lol Ok :D
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KelleyD
01-07-2009, 07:20 PM
Originally Posted by AntiKarateKid
65% is passing for me so with only personality and absolutely no looks, you are just short of the requirement.

36% is way below passing so with no personality you're not going anywhere.

:coolious:
Makes sense. Thanks!:smile:
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KelleyD
01-07-2009, 07:30 PM
Originally Posted by wth1257
I looked it up:embarrass

and got back "footprints"

I still don't get it:embarrass:embarrass

Think......."the more "steps" you take, the more "footprints" (which are also steps) you leave behind." :smile:

It just occurred to me that this riddle is a bit like life. The more steps you take on the right path, (whichever path that is for you), the more of the old "footprints" or ways you leave behind.

Note to mod: sorry. Didn't mean to derail the thread. It's hard to pass up a good riddle. :p
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anonymous
01-07-2009, 09:21 PM
i would ask her is she 100% sure she wants to marry a hairy ape? coz once you sign the papers theres no turning back!! :'(
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S_87
01-07-2009, 10:55 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
i would ask her is she 100% sure she wants to marry a hairy ape? coz once you sign the papers theres no turning back!! :'(
ok thats kind of scary...
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wth1257
01-08-2009, 01:16 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
i would ask her is she 100% sure she wants to marry a hairy ape? coz once you sign the papers theres no turning back!! :'(

But a hairy ape who speaks fluent English is a rare find:D
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arabianprincess
01-08-2009, 04:58 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
^ ^o)...I differ-
My money would be ours both and vise versa.
well some people do believe in ur way of thinking .. but if u do think about it ... hes the one who needs to work and make money and raise a family .. its his duty unlike a female she doesnt have too ... but if she wanted to work then its on her and her money is hers .. but if she do wanna help out then thats a different story but its not really an our thing when it comes to her money ... thats how i see it..
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~Taalibah~
01-08-2009, 11:16 AM
Originally Posted by arabianprincess
well some people do believe in ur way of thinking .. but if u do think about it ... hes the one who needs to work and make money and raise a family .. its his duty unlike a female she doesnt have too ... but if she wanted to work then its on her and her money is hers .. but if she do wanna help out then thats a different story but its not really an our thing when it comes to her money ... thats how i see it..
:sl:

What you say is true. :D very
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arabianprincess
01-08-2009, 07:09 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:

What you say is true. :D very

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D YEP so men LSN UP lol...
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Dua_e_Sehar
01-08-2009, 08:01 PM


:sl:

I know its a long but worth reading especially unmarried muslims!:smile:

Here's Some Advice - Some questions to ask:D


Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose

parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage

proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was

becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in

mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would

always say "she's not the one!"

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which

was hard to find)? However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet

a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each

other questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask

first.

The young girl asked the young man soooo many questions. She asked about

his life, his education, his friends, his family , his habits, his hobbies,

his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..

lol. Basically everything.

And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and

politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over

an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

the young man said, it's ok. I only have 3 questions...

the young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man's first question was,

1) who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would

ever overcome?

she said, this is an easy question. my mother.

he smiled

second question, he asked

2) you said that you read allot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs

you know the meaning of?

hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the

meaning of any yet, but i am hoping to soon inshallah ive just been abit

busy.

the third question the young man asked, was

3) i have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are allot

more prettier than you, why should i marry you?

hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents

with fury, and said i do not want to marry this man he is insulting my

beauty, and intelligence.

and the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an

agreement of marriage.

this time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you

do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were

religious like you wanted. what did you ask the girl?? tell us!

the young man said, firstly i asked her,


who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

the parents said so, what is wrong with that??

The young man said, "no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his

messenger(saw) more than anyone else in the world"

If a woman loves Allah and the prophet (Allah bless him and grant him

peace) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful

to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share

this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.


The young man said, then i asked, you read allot of qur'an, can you tell me

the meaning of any surah?

and she said no. because I haven't had time yet.

so i thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who have

knowledge"

she has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would

i marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and

what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the

woman the best of teachers.


And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, prettier than her,

had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?

that is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you

do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise.

The young man said i said this on purpose, to test whether she could

control her anger.


The prophet(saw) said "do not get angry, do not get angry, do not angry"

when asked how to become pious. because anger is from Satan.

if a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do

you think she will be able to control it with her husband??


so, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on,

knowledge, not looks,

practice, not preaching,

Forgiveness, not anger,

spiritual love, not lust.

and compromise

One should look for a person who

1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw)

2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.

3) can control her anger

and another important and crucial factor. That she be

4) willing to compromise.

and it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same

things.


Marriage is not what we usually think about it as.....It's beyond sweet talks, good gifts, romantic dinners...A successful marriage is based on love, understanding, compromise, trust etc but more on our correct understanding of Islam...Follow Islam's criteria for marriage and you all will have a blissful and happy marriage.....Islam has clearly stated the rights and duties of men and women ...Just follow it....GoodLuck to all my Muslim brothers & Sisters!

I know to find the right mate is kinda difficult..with a hundred questions and fears in mind...but oh well it does happen..and for all:smile:...Just pray...and your potential partner will come to u:coolious:...hehe

:thankyou:


Reply

Banu_Hashim
01-08-2009, 08:06 PM
Originally Posted by arabianprincess
well some people do believe in ur way of thinking .. but if u do think about it ... hes the one who needs to work and make money and raise a family .. its his duty unlike a female she doesnt have too ... but if she wanted to work then its on her and her money is hers .. but if she do wanna help out then thats a different story but its not really an our thing when it comes to her money ... thats how i see it..
So... basically... What's his is hers and what's hers is only hers? :rolleyes:
Reply

wth1257
01-08-2009, 09:25 PM
Originally Posted by Banu_Hashim
So... basically... What's his is hers and what's hers is only hers? :rolleyes:
Exactly. Also, she is not, never has been, and never will be wrong

ever:D

I mean I'm not married but from observational reaserch this is my conclusion:P
Reply

arabianprincess
01-09-2009, 04:08 AM
[QUOTE=Banu_Hashim;1077175]So... basically... What's his is hers and what's hers is only hers? :rolleyes:[/QU

wat his is there's together and wats her is hers .. :D so wat u think ?
Reply

arabianprincess
01-09-2009, 04:10 AM
Originally Posted by wth1257
Exactly. Also, she is not, never has been, and never will be wrong

ever:D

I mean I'm not married but from observational reaserch this is my conclusion:P
lol we r not like that... we do admit when we r wrong but normallllly its always the guys fualt ..:bump1::D
Reply

Banu_Hashim
01-09-2009, 07:56 AM
[QUOTE=arabianprincess;1077377]
Originally Posted by Banu_Hashim
So... basically... What's his is hers and what's hers is only hers? :rolleyes:[/QU

wat his is there's together and wats her is hers .. :D so wat u think ?
lol.. um... I think you just rephrased what I said. :p
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-09-2009, 08:01 AM
wa alaykum us-Salaam
Originally Posted by Dua_e_Sehar


:sl:

I know its a long but worth reading especially unmarried muslims!:smile:

Here's Some Advice - Some questions to ask:D


Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose

parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage

proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was

becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in

mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would

always say "she's not the one!"

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which

was hard to find)? However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet

a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each

other questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask

first.

The young girl asked the young man soooo many questions. She asked about

his life, his education, his friends, his family , his habits, his hobbies,

his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences, his shoe size..

lol. Basically everything.

And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and

politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over

an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man do you have any questions?

the young man said, it's ok. I only have 3 questions...

the young girl thought, wow, only 3 questions okay, shoot.

The young man's first question was,

1) who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would

ever overcome?

she said, this is an easy question. my mother.

he smiled

second question, he asked

2) you said that you read allot of qur'an, could you tell me which surahs

you know the meaning of?

hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, I do not know the

meaning of any yet, but i am hoping to soon inshallah ive just been abit

busy.

the third question the young man asked, was

3) i have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are allot

more prettier than you, why should i marry you?

hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents

with fury, and said i do not want to marry this man he is insulting my

beauty, and intelligence.

and the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an

agreement of marriage.

this time, the young mans parents were really angry, and said what did you

do to anger that girl, the family were so nice, and pleasant, and they were

religious like you wanted. what did you ask the girl?? tell us!

the young man said, firstly i asked her,


who do you love the most? she said, her mother,

the parents said so, what is wrong with that??

The young man said, "no one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his

messenger(saw) more than anyone else in the world"

If a woman loves Allah and the prophet (Allah bless him and grant him

peace) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful

to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share

this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.


The young man said, then i asked, you read allot of qur'an, can you tell me

the meaning of any surah?

and she said no. because I haven't had time yet.

so i thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who have

knowledge"

she has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would

i marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and

what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the

woman the best of teachers.


And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, prettier than her,

had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you?

that is why she stormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you

do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise.

The young man said i said this on purpose, to test whether she could

control her anger.


The prophet(saw) said "do not get angry, do not get angry, do not angry"

when asked how to become pious. because anger is from Satan.

if a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just met, do

you think she will be able to control it with her husband??


so, the moral of this story is, a marriage is based on,

knowledge, not looks,

practice, not preaching,

Forgiveness, not anger,

spiritual love, not lust.

and compromise

One should look for a person who

1) Has love for Allah (swt) and the messenger (saw)

2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act upon it.

3) can control her anger

and another important and crucial factor. That she be

4) willing to compromise.

and it goes both ways, so women seeking a man, should look for the same

things.


Marriage is not what we usually think about it as.....It's beyond sweet talks, good gifts, romantic dinners...A successful marriage is based on love, understanding, compromise, trust etc but more on our correct understanding of Islam...Follow Islam's criteria for marriage and you all will have a blissful and happy marriage.....Islam has clearly stated the rights and duties of men and women ...Just follow it....GoodLuck to all my Muslim brothers & Sisters!

I know to find the right mate is kinda difficult..with a hundred questions and fears in mind...but oh well it does happen..and for all:smile:...Just pray...and your potential partner will come to u:coolious:...hehe

:thankyou:


if i had the time, i would answer to that :p i remember reading it way back when somewhere...i remember i couldn't stand the guy :p

thanks for sharing tho :D
Reply

arabianprincess
01-09-2009, 04:29 PM
[QUOTE=Banu_Hashim;1077421]
Originally Posted by arabianprincess

lol.. um... I think you just rephrased what I said. :p
loooooooooooooooooooooooooool i thought u wrote u know wat watever LOL its ... probably cuz i m sayma LOL but grt :bump1:
Reply

misstique009
01-09-2009, 04:51 PM
Wow sis that was a very inspiring episode...absolutley touching and above all very true.
Reply

wth1257
01-09-2009, 10:53 PM
Originally Posted by arabianprincess
lol we r not like that... we do admit when we r wrong but normallllly its always the guys fualt ..:bump1::D
:D

lol at the last part
Reply

KelleyD
01-10-2009, 05:39 AM
Originally Posted by Dua_e_Sehar
[B]

:sl:

I know its a long but worth reading especially unmarried muslims!:smile:
Beautiful. Thanks for posting such an encouraging story. :smile:
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-10-2009, 09:29 PM
:sl:
Dua_e_Sehar:
That was an inspiring story Jazakallah for sharing!

Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
wa alaykum us-Salaam


if i had the time, i would answer to that :p i remember reading it way back when somewhere...i remember i couldn't stand the guy :p

You couldnt??! I wonder if there is one even similar to that.^o)
:w:
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-11-2009, 11:31 AM
:sl:
^ lol or maybe it was the story in general that i couldn't stand :p

I wonder if there is one even similar to that.
how do you mean :? :-[ :D
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-13-2009, 09:05 PM
Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
:sl:
^ lol or maybe it was the story in general that i couldn't stand :p


how do you mean :? :-[ :D
:w:
I meant guys like that are hard to come by.:blind:
Reply

Imam
01-15-2009, 12:33 AM
Originally Posted by Dua_e_Sehar


:sl:



Marriage is not what we usually think about it as.....It's beyond sweet talks, good gifts, romantic dinners...A successful marriage is based on love, understanding, compromise, trust etc but more on our correct understanding of Islam...Follow Islam's criteria for marriage and you all will have a blissful and happy marriage.....Islam has clearly stated the rights and duties of men and women ...Just follow it....GoodLuck to all my Muslim brothers & Sisters!

I know to find the right mate is kinda difficult..with a hundred questions and fears in mind...but oh well it does happen..and for all:smile:...Just pray...and your potential partner will come to u:coolious:...hehe

:thankyou:



Great post


and that is true,women usually feel more worried about choosing the partner,and has hundreds of questions and fears more than the man if he is about to get marry .......


but that is normal as long as the woman more emotional than the man


I pray for Allah to lead me and all the brothers and sisters in the board to their life partners ....

Holy Quran 30:21 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.


what if comes to the hearts some dislike?


Holy Quran: live with them(wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.


you see how the noble Quran teachings encouraging the unity of family

peace

:w:
Reply

KelleyD
01-17-2009, 07:45 AM
I know that the Quran states:

'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)

but I wonder how many good Muslim men want to marry but can't or are forced to delay marriage for years because of that. Economically speaking, times are not getting any better. Wages aren't going up. Unemployment is rising to some of the highest levels we've ever seen. How is it possible in these difficult times for one to come up with "free gifts". It seems a bit frivolous at a time when I think what is important is to keep our focus on the solemn and sacred uniting of Muslim men and women. Perhaps, I'm not in understanding of what "free gift" really means.
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-17-2009, 08:12 AM
^Subject to correction...

Mehr e fatimi is the sunnat amount to give, however if that is not within ones means then an agreement to an amount within his capability should be made.
Reply

KelleyD
01-17-2009, 08:55 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
^Subject to correction...

Mehr e fatimi is the sunnat amount to give, however if that is not within ones means then an agreement to an amount within his capability should be made.
Thank you for the clarification, Sister. I think I was getting Mehr e fatimi confused with "dowry". I had read something about it in an article several months ago. I just tracked it down. Here is a small portion:

Nura Abdul Sattar, a psychiatrist, said that Saudi men drive women to marry non-Saudis by refusing to marry them. “Saudi men refuse to marry Saudi women for many reasons including unemployment, high dowries or because Saudi women are working in undesirable jobs such as nurses or in private companies. At the same time marriages between Saudi women and non-Saudi men always end tragically because of cultural differences.
http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1&sect...=20&m=8&y=2006

and also, this:

Tribe Sidelights: Imposes Fine to Counter Rocketing Dowry Demands
Arab News

AL-BAHA, 27 May 2008 — Faced with a barrage of complaints from young men who are unable to marry due to high dowry demands, a tribe in this southern Saudi city has ruled that tribe members wishing to get married cannot pay more than SR50,000 in dowry, the Al-Madinah daily reported yesterday. Couples who exceed this limit will be asked to pay SR10,000 to the Al-Bir Charity which helps couples from low-income families get married. In Islam, a dowry is a mandatory gift of money, possessions or property made by the husband to the wife. It becomes her exclusive property. The amount of dowry given should not burden the groom. However, in recent years, increasingly extravagant dowry demands have become a major obstacle to marriage and many Saudi men have had to defer marriage because they are unable to afford the money demanded by the parents of their prospective bride and the costs of the ceremony itself.
http://www.arabnews.com/?page=1&sect...=27&m=5&y=2008

It is all a bit confusing for me. Maybe these articles are only in reference to Saudi men and not other places.
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-17-2009, 03:13 PM
Yeah maybe.

But i find interesting or at least i wonder why they ask for so much?
Reply

KelleyD
01-18-2009, 08:49 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
Yeah maybe.

But i find interesting or at least i wonder why they ask for so much?
I don't know. I wonder if it has anything to do with having big extravegant weddings that cost upwards of 5,000-10,000 dollars. Maybe the parents want the dowry to cover both the bride dowry and cost of the wedding.
Reply

anonymous
01-20-2009, 08:52 AM
hmmm i would ask if he would be ok wit marrying the most overally shy, tense, timid and sensitive person on earth imsad
Reply

Dua_e_Sehar
01-22-2009, 03:56 AM
Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
wa alaykum us-Salaam


if i had the time, i would answer to that :p i remember reading it way back when somewhere...i remember i couldn't stand the guy :p

thanks for sharing tho :D
Assalam Alaikum

find time and answer plz :D
u r welcome & Thanks:)
Reply

Dua_e_Sehar
01-22-2009, 03:57 AM
Originally Posted by KelleyD
Beautiful. Thanks for posting such an encouraging story. :smile:
Jazakallah khair
Thanks for liking it:)
Reply

Dua_e_Sehar
01-22-2009, 03:58 AM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:sl:
Dua_e_Sehar:
That was an inspiring story Jazakallah for sharing!




You couldnt??! I wonder if there is one even similar to that.^o)
:w:
Thanks Sabeeha :)
Jazakallah khair !
Reply

Dua_e_Sehar
01-22-2009, 04:00 AM
Originally Posted by Imam
Great post


and that is true,women usually feel more worried about choosing the partner,and has hundreds of questions and fears more than the man if he is about to get marry .......


but that is normal as long as the woman more emotional than the man


I pray for Allah to lead me and all the brothers and sisters in the board to their life partners ....

Holy Quran 30:21 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.


what if comes to the hearts some dislike?


Holy Quran: live with them(wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.


you see how the noble Quran teachings encouraging the unity of family

peace

:w:

Jazakallah khair & Thanks !
Hmmm yea woman are made that way....to worry too much ...hehe

ameen .....and Good Luck....:)
Reply

maron
01-22-2009, 04:11 AM
I would ask whether or not he would let me work..
Because the job is very important to me.
Reply

SixTen
01-22-2009, 04:11 AM
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true ;D (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
Reply

maron
01-22-2009, 04:26 AM
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
it seems you tried that by yourself,right?
anyway,I agree with you.
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-22-2009, 01:07 PM
Originally Posted by SixTen
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true ;D (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
True, thats why we have to be careful, but then u can only be so careful.
Reply

MinAhlilHadeeth
01-22-2009, 05:00 PM
Originally Posted by KelleyD
I don't know. I wonder if it has anything to do with having big extravegant weddings that cost upwards of 5,000-10,000 dollars. Maybe the parents want the dowry to cover both the bride dowry and cost of the wedding.
:salamext: sister,

Well, a sister should be considerate and look at the brother's financial status when asking for her mahr, and what kind of a wedding she wants. After all, she doesn't want to burden a soul with more than it can bear (especially the man that she intends to spend the rest of her life with). And who wants to start married life off with a huge debt? The most blessed marriage is the least expensive one.

"...but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala) likes not al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance)."
(Soorah 7: Ayah 31)
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-23-2009, 08:26 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
True, thats why we have to be careful, but then u can only be so careful.
i think you could just do really good background checks...i think that says a lot about someone more that what the person may say about themselves :)
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-23-2009, 03:14 PM
Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
:sl:

i think you could just do really good background checks...i think that says a lot about someone more that what the person may say about themselves :)
:thumbs_upAnd thats the norm here in SA. But still i can think of one to cases that went off....
Reply

simplicity786
01-23-2009, 04:48 PM
i think the main questions for me would be the following and the rest would follow. if im not happy with the answers to these, then there would be no point asking further questions.

Do you pray salaah on a daily basis?
how important is religion in your life?
Do you have a job? (can you put a roof over my head)
would you like to have children?
what do you expect of a wife?
Reply

Umar001
01-23-2009, 05:01 PM
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum,

Interesting questions, the stuff about money is pretty shocking.

I don't want to offend anyone so I will only post one the possible questions:

Sister, you, and your family, do realise I'm a revert - right?

Hello? Where you going? What do you mean you have to go...Imam she ran away! hehe

May Allah make us all very practicing and our future spouses practicing too and grant us pious, knowledgeable, loyal and courageous offspring.


Br.al-Habeshi
Reply

nebula
01-23-2009, 05:09 PM
Im gonna ask you one last time are you 100% sure you wanna marry me???

and then id say: wow your crazy!

lool :):thumbs_up
Reply

crayon
01-23-2009, 06:03 PM
Originally Posted by Al Habeshi
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum,

Interesting questions, the stuff about money is pretty shocking.

I don't want to offend anyone so I will only post one the possible questions:
Sister, you, and your family, do realise I'm a revert - right?

Hello? Where you going? What do you mean you have to go...Imam she ran away! hehe
May Allah make us all very practicing and our future spouses practicing too and grant us pious, knowledgeable, loyal and courageous offspring.


Br.al-Habeshi
Wa alaykum asalam,

Hmmm..why is that sisters don't want to marry a revert?:?

Ameen to your duaa.
Reply

S_87
01-23-2009, 06:22 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
Wa alaykum asalam,

Hmmm..why is that sisters don't want to marry a revert?:?

Ameen to your duaa.
yeh true :? i thought reverts were in demand :?
Reply

Umar001
01-23-2009, 06:52 PM
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,

Some sisters do, but they realise it can be difficult on the family. You can understand that sometimes parents can get a bit scared about reverts, specially if there are bad reverts around, add to that that reverts don't, in some cases, have reliable family which is one way people find out about people.

It can be daunting for us fathers who have reverts knock on our door.

It can be fustrating but also kind of understandable.


Br.al-Habeshi
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-23-2009, 06:57 PM
Thats so true brother.
Reply

simplicity786
01-23-2009, 07:56 PM
i know a sister who’s married to a revert, she’s happy and has children.. Personally don’t see the problem but i know the Asian culture would find it difficult accepting, which is a shame..
Reply

crayon
01-24-2009, 08:46 AM
Originally Posted by amani
yeh true :? i thought reverts were in demand :?
Lol yeah, exactly.

Originally Posted by Al Habeshi
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,

Some sisters do, but they realise it can be difficult on the family. You can understand that sometimes parents can get a bit scared about reverts, specially if there are bad reverts around, add to that that reverts don't, in some cases, have reliable family which is one way people find out about people.

It can be daunting for us fathers who have reverts knock on our door.

It can be fustrating but also kind of understandable.


Br.al-Habeshi
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.. So I guess it's not really the sister that has the problem, but her parents and family. More often than not the sister just ends up conceding to her parents wishes as to not cause needless problems.. ah well. Khair inshallah.
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-24-2009, 09:36 AM
Originally Posted by crayon
Lol yeah, exactly.



Yeah, I think I know what you mean.. So I guess it's not really the sister that has the problem, but her parents and family. More often than not the sister just ends up conceding to her parents wishes as to not cause needless problems.. ah well. Khair inshallah.
:sl:

Umm, no offence meant here at all.
But i personally would be wary on marrying a revert. Not that anything is wrong with them at all. Most are generally stronger in (in a way) Deen as they are fresh with the Deen while we who grew up with Deen tend to be 'used' to it. I dont know if thats explaining it correctly.
But why i would be wary is there has been know cases where they go back to their old ways.
And yeah i dont think my parents would consider.

Allah knows best.
Reply

crayon
01-24-2009, 10:13 AM
Yeah, I know what you mean sis, and I completely understand.
I believe it depends on the specific revert though. Some reverts are the "free thinking" kind, who take what they want from the religion and leave the rest. Some are so hardcore into the religion there's no way they'll be able to keep it up. But some are between these two extremes, and I think it's those that are the ones that are least likely to go back to their former ways.
A lot of the time, you can tell whether a person is serious about their reversion or not. You can usually tell the amount of sincerity a person has from dealing with them. And while the chance that they may go back to their old religion/habits is a legitimate concern, for me personally, I don't think it would be enough reason to dismiss anyone immediately just because he's a revert.

So yeah, one should be wary, but not exclude the possibility altogether.

'Most are generally stronger in (in a way) Deen as they are fresh with the Deen while we who grew up with Deen tend to be 'used' to it. I dont know if thats explaining it correctly.'
Exactly. So many reverts have this sort of love for the deen, this enthusiasm, that is rarely found in born muslims (i'm generalizing here, i'm talking about the majority of regular "yes i pray once or twice a day" sort of muslims). And for me, this advantage is is what outweighs the disadvantage of the chance that they leave islam.
Reply

KelleyD
01-24-2009, 10:21 AM
Originally Posted by Faizah
:salamext: sister,

Well, a sister should be considerate and look at the brother's financial status when asking for her mahr, and what kind of a wedding she wants. After all, she doesn't want to burden a soul with more than it can bear (especially the man that she intends to spend the rest of her life with). And who wants to start married life off with a huge debt? The most blessed marriage is the least expensive one.

"...but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala) likes not al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance)."
(Soorah 7: Ayah 31)
Salam WaLakum Sister,
Well said. I agree with you. :thumbs_up
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-24-2009, 03:02 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
Yeah, I know what you mean sis, and I completely understand.
I believe it depends on the specific revert though. Some reverts are the "free thinking" kind, who take what they want from the religion and leave the rest. Some are so hardcore into the religion there's no way they'll be able to keep it up. But some are between these two extremes, and I think it's those that are the ones that are least likely to go back to their former ways.
A lot of the time, you can tell whether a person is serious about their reversion or not. You can usually tell the amount of sincerity a person has from dealing with them. And while the chance that they may go back to their old religion/habits is a legitimate concern, for me personally, I don't think it would be enough reason to dismiss anyone immediately just because he's a revert.

So yeah, one should be wary, but not exclude the possibility altogether.

'Most are generally stronger in (in a way) Deen as they are fresh with the Deen while we who grew up with Deen tend to be 'used' to it. I dont know if thats explaining it correctly.'
Exactly. So many reverts have this sort of love for the deen, this enthusiasm, that is rarely found in born muslims (i'm generalizing here, i'm talking about the majority of regular "yes i pray once or twice a day" sort of muslims). And for me, this advantage is is what outweighs the disadvantage of the chance that they leave islam.
Well said sister. And yes i agree abt not ruling out the possibility all together.
Reply

Najm
01-24-2009, 11:00 PM
Originally Posted by SixTen
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true ;D (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I know what you mean, its really hard to be yourself, not only that,

its like a job interview you know >>> idea being showing that your the best man for the marriage and you want the lady!!! And then after marriage that they are not ready! :-[


FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

Faseeha
01-24-2009, 11:27 PM
Originally Posted by SixTen
Questions questions, the fact is - when you are meeting a potential - they will not act themselves >.> or who knows what they say is true ;D (ye I know, what a pessimistic post :/)
You never truly know a person until you live with them, so even with all the background checks and questions, you can only really rely on Istighara, and put your trust only in Allah
Reply

SeekingTaqwa
01-24-2009, 11:46 PM
:salamext:

Only one Question to ask:

"I am looking for a spouse who will love me, care for me and be devoted to me more than anyone else and treat me like a king/queen.

Of course, it is Allaah :arabic2: you should love most and devote your entire life to but I mean after Allaah :arabic2: would you love and care for me most?"

If the answer you get is yes, your response to marriage is no until this possible spouse completes his/her imaan.

If the answer you receive is no, respond by saying,
"Talk to me about Muhammad :arabic5: and take it from there.
If the love is genuine, they will have plenty to say.
If they have plenty to say, listen carefully.
If you listen carefully, you will be able to make judgements based upon their words, which would be coming from their heart.
If their heart is filled with love for Muhammad :arabic5: you've found your match.
Because if they love Muhammad :arabic5: they would yearn to be like Him in Character, Manners, Deeds, Worship, Kindness, Compassion, Justice, Respect.
No more questions would need asking.

:salmext:
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
01-25-2009, 08:36 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
:thumbs_upAnd thats the norm here in SA. But still i can think of one to cases that went off....
you know sis i think you gotta be creative about it how you go aou it...
i was just thinking that to test one personality, etc forget the qns. well, not completely :p and have them answer you in a hmmm how can i say unique and subtle way...in a way where they don't realize that your questioning, hence they don't know what you want to hear and not come up with hokey answers lol :p :D

so basically, you get them to read/listen/watch something and ask them what they think of it...to the minutes details if possible... and then you see what they have to say and compare that to your own mentality/thinking.

not a questionnaire or anything, but a pierce of say poetry, a documentary and ask him to comment about it...for me, if i see that i agree/disagree/have the more or less the same thought and comments as he, then that means (to me) that hes personality is similar to mine, or i just generally feel that something would "click."

although, it may be an effort to find something that covers all your preferences lol :skeleton: :p

so your ARE questioning them, but in a way where they can't cheat you :lol:
Reply

MinAhlilHadeeth
01-25-2009, 09:42 AM
I believe it depends on the specific revert though. Some reverts are the "free thinking" kind, who take what they want from the religion and leave the rest. Some are so hardcore into the religion there's no way they'll be able to keep it up. But some are between these two extremes, and I think it's those that are the ones that are least likely to go back to their former ways.
Yep, the same can be said for born Muslims who start practicing at one point or another. Really, tawfeeq is from Allaah. Someone who was practicing all their life may also be exposed to some fitnah, and want to get a taste of it... and thus die upon it. May Allaah give us a good endinhg
Reply

Najm
01-25-2009, 01:44 PM
Originally Posted by Proudly_Muslim
You never truly know a person until you live with them, so even with all the background checks and questions, you can only really rely on Istighara, and put your trust only in Allah
AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Just to add that, you so right, but one should tie the camel, and have trust in Allah!!!

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

Umar001
01-25-2009, 02:00 PM
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum,

I think the problem I was trying to highlight is when being a revert alone, or being from a different tribe alone is used as a distinguishing factor.

When these attributes are used as a sort of scale to know whether the person is good or not. So that when a young lady is brought to my parents they like her until I say she is a revert and then say she is not good enough, even if she had been chaste and not bad previously, and vice versa.

This is, in my view, a mere aspect of the wider problem of Muslims.

Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while.

Br.al-Habeshi
Reply

Najm
01-25-2009, 02:14 PM
Originally Posted by Al Habeshi
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum,

I think the problem I was trying to highlight is when being a revert alone, or being from a different tribe alone is used as a distinguishing factor.

When these attributes are used as a sort of scale to know whether the person is good or not. So that when a young lady is brought to my parents they like her until I say she is a revert and then say she is not good enough, even if she had been chaste and not bad previously, and vice versa.

This is, in my view, a mere aspect of the wider problem of Muslims.

Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while.

Br.al-Habeshi
AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

So much so i agree!!! Reverts are seen as taking a risk! imsad Its peoples perception, and people being stuck in their own culture!

With the new generation, there will be 2 groups, where there will be a vast divide! 1 group will be very far away from sunnah following the west,

and the other group much closer to sunnah than ever before, InshaAllah!

May Allah make us those who follow the sunnah of our Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi WaSalam)

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

crayon
01-25-2009, 03:56 PM
Originally Posted by Al Habeshi
Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum,

I think the problem I was trying to highlight is when being a revert alone, or being from a different tribe alone is used as a distinguishing factor.

When these attributes are used as a sort of scale to know whether the person is good or not. So that when a young lady is brought to my parents they like her until I say she is a revert and then say she is not good enough, even if she had been chaste and not bad previously, and vice versa.

This is, in my view, a mere aspect of the wider problem of Muslims.

Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while.

Br.al-Habeshi
Wa alaykum asalam,

Ahh okay, I think I understand what you mean now. I agree, yeah, the simple fact that a person is a revert, or from a different place/tribe/etc. should not immediately be dismissed from a parents consideration, and not be considered "up to par" with their child.

"Insha'Allah with a new generation we will be closer to the sunnah than we have been in a long while."
Ameen to that.


Random comment- I think there's a huuuge generation gap between a lot of young practicing muslims and their parents when it comes to all the different aspects of marriage. Meh. Why is that, and how are we supposed to deal with it?
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-25-2009, 08:53 PM
Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
:sl:

you know sis i think you gotta be creative about it how you go aou it...
i was just thinking that to test one personality, etc forget the qns. well, not completely :p and have them answer you in a hmmm how can i say unique and subtle way...in a way where they don't realize that your questioning, hence they don't know what you want to hear and not come up with hokey answers lol :p :D

so basically, you get them to read/listen/watch something and ask them what they think of it...to the minutes details if possible... and then you see what they have to say and compare that to your own mentality/thinking.

not a questionnaire or anything, but a pierce of say poetry, a documentary and ask him to comment about it...for me, if i see that i agree/disagree/have the more or less the same thought and comments as he, then that means (to me) that hes personality is similar to mine, or i just generally feel that something would "click."

although, it may be an effort to find something that covers all your preferences lol :skeleton: :p

so your ARE questioning them, but in a way where they can't cheat you :lol:
:sl:
I like you reasoning sis:coolious:. It is however going to be difficult finding something like that. :hmm:
Reply

Pk_#2
01-25-2009, 08:56 PM
Girls can be so annoying, I feel sorry for the lads, they gotta marry one. :uuh:

:peace:
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-25-2009, 09:09 PM
Eh?
What about guys? They can be more annoying.....?:p
Reply

Najm
01-25-2009, 10:26 PM
Originally Posted by Pk_#2
Girls can be so annoying, I feel sorry for the lads, they gotta marry one. :uuh:

:peace:
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
Eh?
What about guys? They can be more annoying.....?:p

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I think girls expect too much, which drives the guys out!!!

Sabeeha aint sure hence, the question marks for approval, its ok uhkti, its really ok, dw

Most girls are not annoying UhtkE, they are just misunderstood like you!!
:embarrass


AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
Reply

Musaafirah
01-26-2009, 10:46 AM
Randomness. Is it wrong for me to ask whether a potential partner smokes? Or is that seen as rude?
Reply

crayon
01-26-2009, 11:51 AM
Originally Posted by Musaafir
Randomness. Is it wrong for me to ask whether a potential partner smokes? Or is that seen as rude?
No way would it be rude.. I'm definitely making sure he's a non smoker before even considering him. Haram AND nasty.+o(
Reply

Al-Zaara
01-26-2009, 12:40 PM
Originally Posted by Musaafir
Randomness. Is it wrong for me to ask whether a potential partner smokes? Or is that seen as rude?
Nothing wrong at all.

This thread is still going strong. How come the Marriage Section ever got deleted? Haha.
Reply

Musaafirah
01-26-2009, 12:42 PM
When did the section get deleted?
Anyway, would it be wrong to ask the question before even considering the proposal?
Before any sort of meeting etc :-[
Reply

Al-Zaara
01-26-2009, 12:54 PM
Lightyears ago.
I ask always before even meeting the guy or even knowing his name. I ask my parents who ask his parents, or something.
Reply

Musaafirah
01-26-2009, 12:55 PM
Cool. So there's nothing wrong with me. Woop.
Reply

Pk_#2
01-26-2009, 12:59 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
Eh?
What about guys? They can be more annoying.....?:p
I've never met an annoying lad before, but them again no lad out their can beat my annoyingness, (is that a word?)

Originally Posted by Najm
AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Most girls are not annoying UhtkE, they are just misunderstood like you!!
:embarrass


AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
WaAlikum As Salaam WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

imsad Oh oK akhE, But then why are boys so stoopid?

AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-26-2009, 03:51 PM
Musaafir:
Definitely not! I too find out everything possible about a guy before i'd see him. As for smoking, i would ask him straight out, buut most likely my father would have found that out already.

Originally Posted by Najm
AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

I think girls expect too much, which drives the guys out!!!

Sabeeha aint sure hence, the question marks for approval, its ok uhkti, its really ok, dw

Most girls are not annoying UhtkE, they are just misunderstood like you!!
:embarrass


AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
^o):mmokay:
Uhh while i admit to having misunderstandings, this is not one of them.
The question marks were put more so as not to sound offensive. :p
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-26-2009, 03:53 PM
Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
Nothing wrong at all.

This thread is still going strong. How come the Marriage Section ever got deleted? Haha.
It did?? Aww
Reply

Najm
01-26-2009, 06:55 PM
Originally Posted by Pk_#2
I've never met an annoying lad before, but them again no lad out their can beat my annoyingness, (is that a word?)



WaAlikum As Salaam WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

imsad Oh oK akhE, But then why are boys so stoopid?

AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

FiAmaaniAllah
AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

Annoying is my word, your taking my words too?imsad

Boys just are, hence why we have mums and sisters! You should be happy your mum and sisters looks after you!! :-[


AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.


Originally Posted by Sabeeha
Musaafir:
Definitely not! I too find out everything possible about a guy before i'd see him. As for smoking, i would ask him straight out, buut most likely my father would have found that out already.



^o):mmokay:
Uhh while i admit to having misunderstandings, this is not one of them.
The question marks were put more so as not to sound offensive. :p

AsSalamOAlikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Im glad you admit it! :X I know what you did with the question marks, so I said "its ok" :-[

Anyways, before a potential partner comes around your house make sure you have checked the basic background stuff i.e all the important things you want!!......deen, education, life story etc

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

Najm
01-27-2009, 01:14 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Just wanted to add some more questions...


  1. What aspect of marriage is most important to you?
  2. What are your long term goals in life?
  3. What kind of schooling is best for children and why?
  4. What do expect in terms of finance?
  5. How do you express anger?
  6. How would you like to solve issues between each other?
  7. Do you have friends of the opposite gender?
  8. Where would you like to go for vacations?
  9. How do you express your feelings?
  10. What would you love to do in your spare time?


My apologies if already asked :-[

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-27-2009, 03:14 PM
^Some good q's.:thumbs_up
Reply

Musaafirah
01-27-2009, 08:06 PM
Thing is, how on earth do you manage to ask the questions? (face to face that is)
I've worked with male colleagues and whatnot, but I was never the one to start a converstation. At my placement it took me at least 3 months to even say hi to some dudes and that was only in response.
I don't think I could ask all the burning questions face to face.
Would it be weird if I wrote 'em down instead? Parents'll probably think I'm mad though, not to say they don't already.:rollseyes
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-27-2009, 09:32 PM
Originally Posted by Musaafir
Thing is, how on earth do you manage to ask the questions? (face to face that is)
I've worked with male colleagues and whatnot, but I was never the one to start a converstation. At my placement it took me at least 3 months to even say hi to some dudes and that was only in response.
I don't think I could ask all the burning questions face to face.
Would it be weird if I wrote 'em down instead? Parents'll probably think I'm mad though, not to say they don't already.:rollseyes
Thats something i wonder about myself. I have the mouth to say i will but i can only know when it happens, lol.

I know my friend wrote down what she wanted to ask and read and re-read the q's so that she almost knew it by heart and the list wasnt very long, say between 5-10 q's
Mos q's parents can see to and clarify, i guess.
Reply

KashifB
01-27-2009, 11:03 PM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
i wouldnt ask anything to be honest


i'd just joke with her


thats it




i'll let my parents do the asking and finding out lol



Assalamu Alaikum
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
huh?


i dont want my wife to work, at the same time i wont stop her if she insists on working for say a school (primary not secondary or islamic) or something which requires no mixing with opp gender but i would insist when complications arise (helping family/pregnancy etc)


what does that tell you about my attitude towards women? seriously i wanna know



Assalamu ALaikum
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
subhanAllah you demean the position of wife and mother so much where our prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam raised their position so high by saying "he who is best to his wife is best of men" and "below the mothers feet lies jannah"...


"men are expected to work their asses off, nothing more" (bring home money n take care o stuff etc)


^ see how that sounds!




please try not to think like that inshAllah.


Assalamu Alaikum

I agree 100% with Fighting4Iman . :thumbs_up
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
01-28-2009, 02:31 AM
:sl:

Lots of great questions posted..just to add:

1) What makes you smile?
2) What is something small that makes you extremely happy?
3) Who do you think you are?
4) Complete: "I am...."
5) Why are you considering me for marriage?
Reply

Faseeha
01-28-2009, 11:31 AM
Would it be appropriate to ask about the person's past, for example Have u had a gf/bf before? have you ever tried drugs, or been clubbing, etc? This would apply only if the person was born muslim.
Reply

Re.TiReD
01-28-2009, 01:09 PM
Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

Lots of great questions posted..just to add:

1) What makes you smile?
2) What is something small that makes you extremely happy?
3) Who do you think you are?
4) Complete: "I am...."
5) Why are you considering me for marriage?
:wasalamex

First one is cute masha'Allah, 3rd sounds like it should have this emo after it >> ^o) and number 4....If it was me I'd laugh my head off.

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
^ I don't get 3 and 4.

Sounds threatening. :hmm:

Isn't this too ambiguous? She could say anything. "I am... sitting here right now" lol
;D I thought the same :-[

Originally Posted by Proudly_Muslim
Would it be appropriate to ask about the person's past, for example Have u had a gf/bf before? have you ever tried drugs, or been clubbing, etc? This would apply only if the person was born muslim.
Why would you wanna ask that?? If Allah (swt) has concealed his/her sins then who are you to ask. If its in the past then its in the past, name one person who hasnt done something wrong or something they have repented for. If they tell you then they will, if not I think you should leave em. You can ask the ppl who know him/her a little about the character and from there deduce if they're the kinda person who would do any of the above. Wallahu A'lam.
Reply

Mikayeel
01-28-2009, 01:16 PM
:sl:

I would ask her, how many kiddos can u handle? My desire is to have as many possible, hopefully 8 twins :)
Reply

Re.TiReD
01-28-2009, 01:19 PM
:wasalamex

^ that just made me think of something. Rather than asking her how many she could handle (how would she know anyway?) ... wouldnt you put her first and be easy on her instead....I mean 8 twins? U mean 8 sets? :eek: or 4? :skeleton:
Reply

Mikayeel
01-28-2009, 01:22 PM
^

:sl:

lol, uhm yes u r right i will break it down easily, like how many u wish to have.
Yep 8 twins, like that thread u posted, if that would happen to me i'd be the happiest guy alive :D
Reply

Re.TiReD
01-28-2009, 01:24 PM
:wasalamex

Oh Lordd! :skeleton:

You mean octuplets?

Ya Allah have mercy on Mikayeel's future wife. Ameen.

Anyway am outta this thread :D

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

simplicity786
01-28-2009, 01:27 PM
Originally Posted by Mikayeel
:sl:

I would ask her, how many kiddos can u handle? My desire is to have as many possible, hopefully 8 twins :)
lol if you can provide for 8 then why not ask that question
Reply

Mikayeel
01-28-2009, 02:43 PM
Originally Posted by simplicity786
lol if you can provide for 8 then why not ask that question
Allah is the provider for the kids :D, thats never an excuse, saying i dnt want have kids cuz am not finacially stable, have them and inshAllah allah will open new 'risk(arabic)' for u.

:w: :)
Reply

Faseeha
01-28-2009, 03:58 PM
Why would you wanna ask that?? If Allah (swt) has concealed his/her sins then who are you to ask. If its in the past then its in the past, name one person who hasnt done something wrong or something they have repented for. If they tell you then they will, if not I think you should leave em. You can ask the ppl who know him/her a little about the character and from there deduce if they're the kinda person who would do any of the above. Wallahu A'lam.
I personally wouldn't want to ask those questions, I don't judge people on their past but i know plenty of people who wouldn't even consider marrying someone with a shady past. In fact in this day and age, it's become common for people to ask for their future hubby/wife to have an HIV test done. Besides there are some habits that some people never kick like gambling or drugs, so it would be good to know those things
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-28-2009, 04:02 PM
Originally Posted by Proudly_Muslim
Would it be appropriate to ask about the person's past, for example Have u had a gf/bf before? have you ever tried drugs, or been clubbing, etc? This would apply only if the person was born muslim.
I would, especially here in SA.:X
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
^ I don't get 3 and 4.

Sounds threatening. :hmm:
I agree.:?
Reply

~Taalibah~
01-28-2009, 04:11 PM
Originally Posted by Mikayeel
I would ask her, how many kiddos can u handle? My desire is to have as many possible, hopefully 8 twins

:w: :)
Then ask away bro!
I would like to ask the same q (not 8 kids) but have been told it will not be err, polite or not courteous to do so. I 'll have to get to know tho.
Reply

Mikayeel
01-28-2009, 04:50 PM
Originally Posted by Sabeeha
Then ask away bro!
I would like to ask the same q (not 8 kids) but have been told it will not be err, polite or not courteous to do so. I 'll have to get to know tho.
:sl: :)

Its a very important question maybe not the very polite to ask straightaway, but before you marry some one at some stage u have to ask him how many kids u planning to get, or how many r u happy with (nd then hope for this answer) THe more the better ofcourse!!!! :D

:w:
Reply

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