AssalamuAlaykum
My heart hurts today, I think it’s a good thing though, I read somewhere that the pain a believer feels is so that Allah can expiate for him his sins. My heart hurts in the realisation that mankind is at loss without Allah, without a Supreme being to ask from, to have hope and faith in, but not many people realise that…and the ones that do; sometimes realise a little late.
I was thinking last night- I thought and thought till I could think no longer, I cried and cried till I could cry no longer- and I asked myself, where does true happiness lie? I acknowledged the feeling I had been experiencing for the past few days, a calmness settling in my soul due to having repented, and I decided that was it, that true happiness lies in the contentment and calmness of the soul.
But a while later, I saw my father happy because of something I had done, and decided that was it, that true happiness lies in the happiness of your loved ones…but still, there was something missing, so I gave it more thought and came to a conclusion…True happiness lies in faith.
I’ve lived so much of my life without valuing each moment; I had always been shy as a child- primary school, secondary school, college, university and work, only when it came to the final years or months in each of these places would I begin to open up, that people would see a flower beginning to bloom, but for me then, it was always too late, too late to do anything meaningful as I would have to move on to my next destination or stage in life.
At times I fear the same for my life also, what if my eyes open when it’s too late, what if the realisation of the reality of this life, its temporary pleasures and illusions dawn on me during those last few years or months of my life? Naudhu Billah.
But now, now I have faith Alhamdulillah…
…I have faith…I hurt myself and smile, tell myself I can cope. I fall, I get back up. If I lose, I make an extra effort to win next time; and when I cry, I cry only out of the fear of Allah. I have faith.
I believe that if I turn 360 degrees to face Allah, as I should; He’ll turn towards me, I’m certain of it. Again…I have faith. Now do you believe me when I say true happiness lies in having faith?
All these people we see in the world with broken hearts over trivial worldly pursuits that went wrong; turn your hearts to Allah 100%. We profess to love Allah yet can’t seem to trust Him in all affairs, but tell me this, why do hearts break? Hearts break because we place trust in a person, we trust them to love us unconditionally, across the boundaries of time and space, but when they let us down; our hearts all but break…But now I dare myself to give you a guarantee, to place all that trust you once had –if not more- in Allah, the One who created you and knows you better than you know yourself, give Him your trust…and sure He’ll test you just like He tests all believers, but this time you wont feel as let down…and just because you have faith. I guarantee it; the tests are to strengthen a person.
Last night I was doubled up with grief, literally, I could not stand up straight…But I just stopped for a moment and remembered…remembered that not a single soul or being can help me through this save Allah. Sure people can offer kind words and support, but only He can remove the calamity. And Wallahi I tell no lies, I felt something in me strengthen physically, it was as though a hand was strengthening my spine and forcing me to stand tall…
…And I felt happy in that realisation and moment of awe and wonder, I felt blessed because so many people complain, of misery, sadness and broken hearts, but for all my sorrows, I thought I had gotten off lightly. But now that I have found my own peace I don’t know how to comfort the ones that are still hurting, don’t know how to explain to them….
…I don’t know how to explain to them that its ok to despair for a second, a minute, several hours, -we’re only human- but when they refuse to trust Allah, when they turn to everybody but Allah….I feel at a loss, I want them to realise how important faith is and how time is running out for us, life will soon be over…
How many of the people reading this (Assuming you’ve got this far), will cry at the realisation that they spent so many years chasing after the Dunya. But as I write this I smile, I smile knowing that my heart once hurt due to love that couldn’t be…But still I smile because all it took was a hurt heart - not even a broken one – to realise that nothing will work unless its done in the halal way; with Allah’s mercy, blessings, love and care.
I love all my brothers and sisters in Deen and want them to come to the same realisation as me. I want them to thank Allah and cry tears of happiness over tranquillity so sweet and pure that one could forget all the troubles and pain one has ever felt…And all because of their Imaan and hope in Allah…I want them to feel their hearts and souls mending with Allah’s love and pleasure, Bi ithnillah…
Somebody once said that this life is like a shadow…I say ‘Go with the flow’…don’t try holding onto it, nor making the shadow stay….Just go wherever life takes you, stay strong, stay hopeful and remain true to yourself. Because cant nobody put you down if Allah is by your side. You’re special.
Here’s an idea Insha'Allah, Just look at that rose:
This rose will wilt and die. If the one for whom it was meant, if the love for whom it was meant was halal, then the flower would bloom and be replaced by that special someone. But until then, this rose is but an ordinary flower…it will bloom wilt and die, just like every haram desire….
I'm very sorry for my thoughts being jumbled, this is just a release for me, please bear with me Insha'Allah, I dont mind people ignoring this thread, as long as I can let it out...
WassalamuAlaykum
P.S I took this from another forum