It's been driving me crazy.

[AnonymousPoster]

I am going crazy, i really am. I don;t know what to do. it seems like am my fathers puppet and he is the puppet master. He wants to tell me what way to run my life. I understand am a girl but i'l like to make my own decision from time to time. he just doesn;t understand.

There is no mother in the house so am forced to take that role when it comes to duties and chores. Then again it's my family i really don;t mind it but i would also like some appreciation every now and then for what i do.

I am so overwhelmed with everything that i just want to leave. I want to get marrid so i can leave this **** house. I used to pray night and day for allah to get me out of this. I am so sick of it wallahi.

I found someone to marry, i believe we are suitable for each other and the connection is there. I mentioned it to my father that i want to get married and i have someone. He doesn't want to hear it because he is older than me by 3 yrs and he is from a different tribe within my people. He is objecting it but inshallah i do plan to wed and he would have to accept it. The only thing is that he isn't financially ready to have a family now and he is saving up now. so inshallah in the summer we plan to get married.

I love my father and i avoid making his worry or mad. The worst thing of all is he doesn't want to understand my point of view. It's his way or no way with anything.

I am just so frustrated and I don't know what to do. I want to leave asap but the guy isn't ready to get married now.

I know have patience, i have been patient for 7 yrs, i don't know how long i can last here, it seems to be getting worse day in day out. The household responsibilities, my job and money, what i wear, what car i should buy.

I work fulltime and get paid good money and i haven't bought a new shirt or scarf since jan of 2008, because am afraid he will say am spending too much money. imsadimsadimsad. I don't know. may allah guide me to the right direction and get evil out of my way. It is killing me. And i feel guilty for wanting to leave him and run away. :cry:

[Musaafirah]

Hope your father sees your side of the story. I think to him, you're still regarded as his little girl and he's finding it hard to accept you've grown up.
I hope you haven't gone out of your way to keep relations with the brother though.
Do you have any female relatives who you can talk to and mention it to your dad?
Are you old enough to get married?
But, hold on, if the guy isn't ready, is it worth stressing over?
I don't know, see what other people reply..

[AnonymousPoster]

No there really isnt a person i can turn to and seek help from.

I still do have contact with the brother and i do no plan to cut any relations with him. He is saving up so inshallah by the summer things will be finalized inshallah. He is a practicing muslim and the only reason he is objecting is because of his tribe.

Btw I am 21 and he is 24.

[Musaafirah]

Okies. I'm now 22, but my parents are still overprotective of me lol.
So maybe that's a factor?
If it's only just coz of the tribal differences will there be any way of you getting through to him? Explaining how he is? What about the dude? Has he officially asked for your hand in marriage?
If he's practicing and all, wouldn't it be best to not go out of your way to keep in contact him and tell him to propose properly when he's ready?
I dunno...Sorry for not being much help.

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[IbnAbdulHakim]

id be worried if your father wasnt like that


sis talk to him, i know for a fact if i was a daddy i wud be as protective as a father can be !

[Yanal]

Siince you have only one parent now he doesn't want to lose you like your mother. Tell him how you feel if that doesn't work leave him a note explaining what so ever...... Do you have any other sibilings that can handle him after you leave?

[S_87]

even though its tempting, no man is worth the heartbreak ull cause ur father

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

:salamext:

Is your father at all practicing? I married outside of my tribe, and my father was very understanding, due to his fear of Allaah, and the fact that my husband's family isn't at all tribalistic and are also practicing.

Try mentioning his good qualities, and explain that you still share the same culture so your families will still understand each other. If he really is a good catch, 'what other people say' is a silly reason to not marry him.

And yes, I agree that you should cease any private contact with this brother. No matter what the context, there really is no need for it. The brother should simply contact your father when he is ready, as was already mentioned. If your father refuses, then that is simply the matter. Be patient inshaa'Allaah, I know how frustrating this must be.

[Ansariyah]

I wud like to ask u one question sister:

Why do u want to marry this guy?

Pls bear in mind: That this is coming from someone who's not married n somwhat immature, but I have learned a few things along the way while watching others failures. U have to seriously think about why u want to get married. While reading through ur post I have come across "I can't wait to get out of here"?..Is that why u want to get married?

I know it's better for me to wait for you to answer this question. Sister think long, think hard. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Our expectations shud be real. We have to get to know ourselves well enuff before we expect others to come n fix us, or know us at all. How well do u know this guy? sorry if I sound nosy...

I just want u to open ur eyes, I have seen some people who slept through making the biggest decisions in their lives n are now paying for it big time. Who's this guy? Wat on earth did I marry?

Don't become someone who wakes up "after it's all been done" n wonders..huh what. stay awake sis..this is ur life. As the agonies ur going through wit ur Dad are real, remember that u don't want to run away from that to enter another hell...that right now seems like a jannah to u. Allah knows best.

I am not against for u to get married, I just don't want u to get hurt.

Our Families are part of us...u had no choice to select who ur Dad was gonna be, but u do have the choice to select a husband...so select the best one! Don't settle for less...

Oh n ur father Loves u!!

I'm sorry if I have said anything wrong.

[Argamemnon]

but u do have the choice to select a husband...so select the best one! Don't settle for less...

There is no 'best' husband or wife...

[Ansariyah]

There is no 'best' husband or wife...

Why?

[Argamemnon]

Why?

Because there are billions of men, lol. And the ones that you think are good men can turn out to be the opposite once you get to know them. People are dangerous creatures :bump1:

[Ansariyah]

Because there are billions of men, lol. And the ones that you think are good men can turn out to be the opposite once you get to know them. People are dangerous creatures :bump1:

okeeey...am I suppose to take u seriously wit those funny smilies? lol

[Argamemnon]

okeeey...am I suppose to take u seriously wit those funny smilies? lol

yes, i'm a serious man even when joking. lol

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

as suggested

And yes, I agree that you should cease any private contact with this brother. No matter what the context, there really is no need for it. The brother should simply contact your father when he is ready, as was already mentioned. If your father refuses, then that is simply the matter. Be patient inshaa'Allaah, I know how frustrating this must be.

if the dude is allowing you to see him in private, and not to mention that hes seeking to get married, although he isnt finalcally capable of looking after a wife (i really dont get that).. doesnt this tell you the type of person that he is :?

I am so overwhelmed with everything that i just want to leave. I want to get marrid so i can leave this **** house. I used to pray night and day for allah to get me out of this. I am so sick of it wallahi.

I am just so frustrated and I don't know what to do. I want to leave asap but the guy isn't ready to get married now.

i dont think you should be getting married just to escape from your house...you shouldn't use someone like that :/

He is objecting it but inshallah i do plan to wed and he would have to accept it.

subahnallah, that is no way to treat your father..perhaps your he's reason as to why he doesn't want you to marry outside your trube, etc are legitimate..

and id reject a dude for my daughter if he was seeing her in private and making wedding arragements...this stuff is to be done through the elders...if he really cared for you, then he would do it the proper way...the halal way :)

just have sabr and make dua, inshallah...:thumbs_up

even though its tempting, no man is worth the heartbreak ull cause ur father

agreed!

may allah grants you ease form your hardships :)

[AnonymousPoster]

jazakullah kheyr for reply everyone. Am going to ell you guys my side of it.

Musaafir
I tried to explain it to him and i still am. He knows that i am serious about this so inshallah we will see.
And the guy has asked me if i wanted to get married to him and i said yes. I would be glad to marry him.

when i said he wasn't ready, i meant as in furnishing the house and whatnot. he does have a stable job and he lives with his parents. He started saving up so that inshallah he can have the money for mahar and the furniture by the summer.

Yanal

I do have a younger sister and she attends university. She is able to do the household chores along with cooking but am afraid that she will want to get a job and leave her studies behind. I really don't want that for her, because she can't do both.

Amani
You don't know my father, not that he is a bad guy but you have to force things upon him for him to accept it.

Faizah

he prays but he isn't very religious. I do mention good things about him but he isn't interested because of his tribe. He also thinks that i don't know whats good for me and he does, if he had the chose he would make me marry my 40 yr old cousin.

I don;t plan on losing contact because i don't have a vaid reason. he isn't pressuring me into marry him and he wants all to go well. He isn't bad wallahi.

Yanoorah

Manshallah, he is intelligent, educated, religious, charming, well mannered. I can go on and on.

It is tru, i can't wait to get out the house but i have felt this way for 7 years, but that doesn;t mean i will run off the first guy that says i want to marry you.

I have had proposal from guy that are in my tribe, can start a family and are alot older than me but i didn't chose them because i don't have a connection with them. With him i do.

I have known him for 4 months now.

Ramlah

I have seen him for 3 days since i have known him. He lives in a different state that I. The only communication we do is over the phone and msn.

Allah knows best and Inshallah what is written will happen. All i do is make other happy and put myself last. It really is a burden on me because he isn;t even giving him a chance and seeing what i see. There is a reason why i mntion this particular man to him and not bring others.

I just put my trust in Allah(swt) Inshallah everything will be fine.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

subhanAllah

may Allah guide you towards whats right


sister i think you should ALWAYS BE GENTLE in trying to persuade your parents and NEVER FORCE THEM.


ALWAYS BE GENTLE



ALWAYS



dont let them shed tears because of you....

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
I still wouldn't force him to agree...i would hate for my marriage to start like that :exhausted
i would just keep on persisting (nicely of course) and as i said, if he still dosent agree, go to sheikh or something...and if that still doesn't work, then just have sabr and make dua :thumbs_up :)

btw, has this brother tried contacting your dad or at least sent someone to:? i mean to speak about marriage :?

[maryam87]

People are dangerous creatures :bump1:

we r indeed dangerous creatures!!!!!!!!