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AnonymousPoster
12-19-2008, 07:23 PM
does doing things with a girl and stopping right before the big Z considered zina as well????? the things is i use to be a rebel and iv dated around and even cross some boundries which i am regretful for and im trying to change my ways ( trying not to associate with girls) but im finding it really hard. not to brag but alot of girls have a crush on me in school and this one girl who is my sisters best friend has had a thing for me for the longest time but before i use to date this other girl who was also in her class so she never really said anything to me but we ended on a sour note and ever since then iv been trying to stick to the straight path because i realized why allah has forbidden it and that its for our own good to keep our selves from being hurt. well anyway i digress. so today i had off from school and i was at home but my sister is still in highschool and so is her best friend and she usually comes home for lunch but this time she brought along her best friend -.-. while my sister was downstairs cooking her friend came upstairs in my room and started talking to me and we were just playing around and she starts play fighting and it doesnt lead to anywhere good imsad and she kisses me and im just paralyzed because i know its wrong but i couldnt stop myself :cry:. so my sister comes upstairs and asks if id drop her off to work so i say fine ok so i drop my sister and her best friend off at work and im like quite the whole way feeling really guilty abt what i just did and vow inside my heart never ever to do that again. well my sister and her best friend work in different departments in the same company but turns out when we get there her best friends department is closed so my sister is like well can u drop her off at home im going to work im like ummm okay i really wanted to tell her that she should walk but it was snowing so i took her anyway and when we get to her house she tries to kiss me again but this time i told her i couldnt and that i had to go pray jummahs namaaz ( she doesnt know what that is cuz shes white). i dont know what to do i feel really guilty abt the whole thing my mom use to tell me zina is unforgivable
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Ali.
12-19-2008, 07:53 PM
Well firstly I congratulate you on realising that what you were doing is wrong. I think what you must do now is sincerely repent to Allah [swt] for your sins, that includes:
  • Promising you must never commit the sin again, no matter what!
  • Feel a deep regret for the sin, and realise that what you did is wrong
  • Start to 'repel evil with good', i.e. start commiting good deeds from now on! :)


Remember, Allah [swt] is all merciful:

...For He [Allah [swt]] is Oft- Returning, Most Merciful.
2:54

Except those who repent and make amends and openly declare (the Truth): To them I turn; for I am Oft-returning, Most Merciful.
2:160

...For verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
3:89

Allah accept the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and repent soon afterwards; to them will Allah turn in mercy: For Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.
4:17

And remember; we humans are prone to make errors, what you must do, though, is to learn from your mistakes, insha'Allah! :)

& Also:

Allah the Almighty has said:

"O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind.

O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.

O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its."

[Related by Al-Tirmithi].

Take care, bro'.
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AnonymousPoster
12-19-2008, 08:14 PM
the thing is im afraid my repentance will not be accepted because when i was doing it i knew in the back of my head it was wrong but i dont know what came over me. im trying my hardest to stick to the straight path but one girls are like my weakness, its just that after me and the first girl broke up ( she dumped for someone els) i took it as a blow to my ego and lost alot of my confidence because it has never happened to me before. but ever since then its like i unintentionally flirt with girls and get them really attracted to me if i can tell that they think im attractive but i always back out and feel guilty i feel so disgusted with myself that i constantly seek gratification from attractive women just to feel good abt myself but i dont know what to do abt it because no mater how hard i try its sooooo hard to avoid talking to girls in school or at work and almost all the time they flirt with me and always in the back of my head i kno its wrong and i have these mood swings where ill try and keep to myself and avoid everyone but then they think im mad at them. i even tried cutting out my friends because none of my friends are muslim ughhh sometimes i wished i lived in an islamic country with islamic law and all these woman were covered up!!!!
Reply

Ali.
12-19-2008, 08:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
the thing is im afraid my repentance will not be accepted
You must be positive about your repentance; optimistic: put your faith and trust in Allah [swt].

because when i was doing it i knew in the back of my head it was wrong but i dont know what came over me.
It's not just you, you know. I'm sure nearly, if not all of us have experienced this/experience this on a daily basis - you must try and improve everyday, take it in 'steps' if you like.

im trying my hardest to stick to the straight path but one girls are like my weakness, its just that after me and the first girl broke up ( she dumped for someone els) i took it as a blow to my ego and lost alot of my confidence because it has never happened to me before. but ever since then its like i unintentionally flirt with girls and get them really attracted to me if i can tell that they think im attractive but i always back out and feel guilty i feel so disgusted with myself that i constantly seek gratification from attractive women just to feel good abt myself but i dont know what to do abt it because no mater how hard i try its sooooo hard to avoid talking to girls in school or at work and almost all the time they flirt with me and always in the back of my head i kno its wrong and i have these mood swings where ill try and keep to myself and avoid everyone but then they think im mad at them.
Hmm, it seems to me what'd be best for you, and we're all unique in our own individual ways, is to try and stay away from girls as much as possible, don't look at them, don't even say hi to them (unless in your work area it'd be considered extremely rude - in that case just say good morning and that's it), completely block them out. So what if they think you're mad at them - just explain to them that you're not and you're busy or going somewhere, and maybe they'll get the message that you don't want to talk to them at all.

Take care, bro'.
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IbnAbdulHakim
12-19-2008, 08:33 PM
sincere repentance if never rejected
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Umm Hurairah
12-20-2008, 01:14 AM
Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

Question: A person who has commited sin[who knew he is commiting sin -at the time]....now that same person feels such guilt that cant be expressed. What should this person do?.

Answer:Praise be to Allaah. The Muslim does not have to tell anyone of his sin, rather it is not recommended that he should do that. He should conceal his sin and not expose it. The Muslim should feel disturbed about his sin so that he will be motivated to repent sincerely. It is not sufficient for the Muslim to recognize that he has committed a sin, rather he should remember that Allaah is always watching, so that he will not do it at all. If the Shaytaan makes him fall into one of his traps, he must regret committing this sin and he has to give it up and resolve not to return to it.

In this way the Muslim will have done what Allaah requires of him, namely sincere repentance. The Muslim must not despair of the mercy of Allaah or think that He is unlikely to forgive his sin or guide him to repentance. For the Shaytaan is eager to make the Muslim fall into sin and then he is eager to close the doors of repentance in his face.

After he repents sincerely, the Muslim becomes better than he was before he committed this sin. Sincere repentance may alert him to things that he was careless about, so he gives up bad companions who help him to commit sin, and he stops travelling to immoral countries where he committed sin, and he stops watching and listening to things that Allaah has forbidden, namely singing, musical instruments and movies.

Perhaps he has been careless about these matters but the sincere repentance that Allaah has enjoined awakens him to that.

The Muslim may forget that Allaah is always watching before he commits the sin, because if he was aware of that he would not have done it. But if he had forgotten, then he should try to remember whilst he is committing the sin that Allaah can see him, and that the noble angels can see him, and that Allaah may decree that he should die whilst he is committing this sin – so how would he meet his Lord in the Hereafter?

If the Shaytaan manages to ensnare the Muslim before and during the sin, then let him remember afterwards that Allaah stretches forth His hand at night to accept the repentance of those who sinned during the day, and He stretches forth His hand during the day to accept the repentance of those who sinned at night, and that Allaah rejoices over the repentance of His slave even though He is the one Who guided him to repent and made it easy for him, and He has no need of the repentance of this person.

The Muslim must fear Allaah his Lord and regret what he has done; he must also resolve not to return to it and to do a lot of acts of worship. He must change his environment and friends, looking for something better. It is not permissible for him to mention his sin to anyone, and he should make his repentance sincerely for the sake of Allaah alone. He should also be eager to pray in congregation in the mosque and attend study circles.

We ask Allaah to help us to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make it easy for us to do good.

And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

Source


-----------------------------------------

Question: I have committed many sins which no one knows of except Allaah. What do I have to do so that Allaah will accept my repentance?

Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

A Muslim’s faith may become weak and he may be overwhelmed by his desires. The Shaytaan may make sin attractive to him, so he wrongs himself (commits sin) and falls into that which Allaah has forbidden. But Allaah is Kind to His slaves, and His mercy encompasses all things. Whoever repents after doing wrong, Allaah will accept his repentance, for Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful.

“But whosoever repents after his crime and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then verily, Allaah will pardon him (accept his repentance). Verily, Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful [al-Maa’idah 5:39 – interpretation of the meaning]

Allaah is Forgiving and Generous. He commands all His slaves to repent sincerely so that they may gain the mercy of Allaah and His Paradise. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)” [al-Tahreem 66:8]

The gate of repentance is open to His slaves, until the sun rises from the west. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah spreads out His Hand at night to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the day, and He spreads out His Hand during the day to accept the repentance of those who did wrong during the night. (This will continue) until the sun rises from the west.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2759)

Sincere repentance is not merely the matter of words spoken on the tongue. Rather, the acceptance of repentance is subject to the condition that the person gives up the sin straight away, that he regrets what has happened in the past, that he resolves not to go back to the thing he has repented from, that he restores people’s rights or property if his sin involved wrongdoing towards others, and that he repents before the agony of death is upon him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allaah will forgive and Allaah is Ever All-Knower, All-Wise.

And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: ‘Now I repent;’ nor of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful torment” [al-Nisaa’ 4:17-18]

Allaah accepts repentance and is Merciful. He calls sinners to repent, so that He might forgive them:

“…your Lord has written (prescribed) Mercy for Himself, so that if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying Allaah), then surely, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-An’aam 6:54 – interpretation of the meaning]

Allaah is Kind to His slaves and loves those who repent. He accepts their repentance, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do”[al-Shooraa 42:25]

“Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”[al-Baqarah 2:222]

When a kaafir becomes a Muslim, Allaah turns his bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat), and forgives him all his previous sins, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven” [al-Anfaal 8:38]

Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, and He loves the repentance of His slaves. He commands them to repent so that He might forgive them. But the devils among mankind and the jinn want to turn people away from the truth and make them incline towards falsehood, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah wishes to accept your repentance, but those who follow their lusts, wish that you (believers) should deviate tremendously away (from the Right Path) [al-Nisaa’4:27]

The mercy of Allaah encompasses all things. If a person’s sins are very great and he has wronged himself very much, but he then repents, Allaah will accept his repentance and will forgive his sins no matter how great they are. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Zumar 39:53]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Our Lord comes down to the lowest heaven when one-third of the night remains, and says, ‘Who will call upon Me so that I may answer him? Who will ask Me so that I may give to him? Who will seek My forgiveness so that I may forgive him?’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 758)

Man is weak. If a person sins then he has to repent and seek forgiveness every time. Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, and He is the One Who says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allaah’s forgiveness, he will find Allaah Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Nisaa’ 4:110]

The Muslim is vulnerable to making mistakes and sins. So he has to repent and seek forgiveness repeatedly. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By Allaah, I seek the forgiveness of Allaah and I turn to Him in repentance more than seventy times each day.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6307)

Allaah loves the repentance of His slaves, and accept it. Indeed, He rejoices over it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a person repents, Allaah rejoices more than one of you who found his camel after he lost it in the desert.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6309)

From Usool al-Deen al-Islami by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem al-Tuwayjri

Source
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-20-2008, 08:43 AM
:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
does doing things with a girl and stopping right before the big Z considered zina as well????? the things is i use to be a rebel and iv dated around and even cross some boundries which i am regretful for and im trying to change my ways ( trying not to associate with girls) but im finding it really hard. not to brag but alot of girls have a crush on me in school.
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
im trying my hardest to stick to the straight path but one girls are like my weakness,
grow a beard ahkee. seriously, girls generally arent attracted to men with beards. that and lower your gaze...:thumbs_up


well anyway i digress. so today i had off from school and i was at home but my sister is still in highschool and so is her best friend and she usually comes home for lunch but this time she brought along her best friend -.-. while my sister was downstairs cooking her friend came upstairs in my room and started talking to me and we were just playing around and she starts play fighting and it doesnt lead to anywhere good imsad and she kisses me and im just paralyzed because i know its wrong but i couldnt stop myself :cry:.
well my sister and her best friend work in different departments in the same company but turns out when we get there her best friends department is closed so my sister is like well can u drop her off at home im going to work im like ummm okay i really wanted to tell her that she should walk but it was snowing so i took her anyway and when we get to her house she tries to kiss me again but this time i told her i couldnt and that i had to go pray jummahs namaaz ( she doesnt know what that is cuz shes white). i dont know what to do i feel really guilty abt the whole thing my mom use to tell me zina is unforgivable
mashallah! keep that attitude up, and when she eventually will get that you have no interest in her...

beside, the fact that she throws herself at you goes to show what the type of girl she is... i mean shes just out there to have fun...if she threw herself at you like that, then chances are she'll do it to another guy too :rollseyes...is that what you want?

akhee, stay away from this girl...i mean right away... and if she tries anything fishy, just keep on rejecting her...she'll get the message inshallah...


feel guilty i feel so disgusted with myself that i constantly seek gratification from attractive women just to feel good abt myself
cant you seek gratification in a different way...not necessarily about your look, but about something else about you...
and maybe you should think about marriage:? that way youll seek gratification in a lawful way, inshallah...

but i dont know what to do abt it because no mater how hard i try its sooooo hard to avoid talking to girls in school or at work
get new friends? hang out with a more pious crowd...maybe a little extreme, but change jobs...
seriously, the way to avoid free mixing is just to not mix and keep your gaze lowered when speaking to the opposite gender...

i know it sounds a little horrible, but i used to go to a mixed school the best way that i used to avoid it was just to ignore the boys...no joke...i mean so rarely would they speak to me, but when they did, id act like a snob :-[ :hiding: that would usually do the trick...:-[ meh it was either that or freemix :/

so i guess your body language is also important...


and almost all the time they flirt with me and always in the back of my head i kno its wrong and i have these mood swings where ill try and keep to myself and avoid everyone but then they think im mad at them.
just say that you prefer to be alone or something...seriously sometimes its just best to hand these things down straight up and honestly :thumbs_up
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themuffinman
12-21-2008, 06:38 AM
thnks for the replies everyone. the thing about growing a bear is id love to but the only facial hair i grow is on my chin which doesnt get long either so its like a lil goatee which looks good on me imsad. i mentioned earlier i also had a seriouse g/f before and sometimes i think of her and still have these false feelings for her which make even even harder for me to concentrate. are these feelings haraam as well am i sinning just thinking about her????
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themuffinman
12-21-2008, 06:41 AM
ughhhh i think the anonymouse thingy stopped working o,0
Reply

noorseeker
12-21-2008, 08:10 AM
Dont worry about the anon thing, YOU dont have to be ashamed, First of all i really respect you for what you are trying, at least you realise the mistake you made, and looking for help.

If i was in your position ,i wouldnt know what to do. It must be hard,

If you wana remain anon, quiclky reach 50 posts and edit your reply, as though you are giving advice to your self.
Reply

qassy!
12-22-2008, 12:00 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
the thing is im afraid my repentance will not be accepted because when i was doing it i knew in the back of my head it was wrong but i dont know what came over me. im trying my hardest to stick to the straight path but one girls are like my weakness, its just that after me and the first girl broke up ( she dumped for someone els) i took it as a blow to my ego and lost alot of my confidence because it has never happened to me before. but ever since then its like i unintentionally flirt with girls and get them really attracted to me if i can tell that they think im attractive but i always back out and feel guilty i feel so disgusted with myself that i constantly seek gratification from attractive women just to feel good abt myself but i dont know what to do abt it because no mater how hard i try its sooooo hard to avoid talking to girls in school or at work and almost all the time they flirt with me and always in the back of my head i kno its wrong and i have these mood swings where ill try and keep to myself and avoid everyone but then they think im mad at them. i even tried cutting out my friends because none of my friends are muslim ughhh sometimes i wished i lived in an islamic country with islamic law and all these woman were covered up!!!!
bruv everyone say change friends etc, etc i know its hard man....these gals get 2 me as well.........what i did it sort of helped, but still working on it

Just stop chatting 2 them, like when they call dont pick up, or chat on MSN. It gets them thinking ur not interested. WHen you go work, college or w/e....just walk past and say "im just doing something meet me in the canteen in 10 mins" and just dont turn up...

it will hack them off because you avoid them, trust me theres other guys out there they like.........

like in college right now, i only chat 2 a few girls i cant help but back in the days i was all over them start slow and move up in the game


it sounds hard yeah but i dont think its unrealistic....liek changing ur friends is unrealistic 2 me
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