Confused & Scared!

[Xruupa]

Hi.I am 19 years old and About four months ago, I started dating this guy who I think is decent and hardworking. He values his education just like I do. We really do like or love each other very much and we meet once every week for a movie and/or dinner. We kiss almost every time we meet and I am really scared of how much I have angered Allah for doing these sins. I have noticed that in the beginning I was kind of reluctant to kiss or hug but now it seems alright and I don't hesitate.I used to consider myself a practicing Muslimah for I wear the Hijab and pray but with these sins I don't think any of my good deeds would be accepted! Is that true? Is there no point for doing good deeds like giving charity,praying night prayer, reading Quran or helping a friend or a relative through a problem?? Even if we stop the kissing and hugging then is going to a movie and having dinner still a humongous sin? will my good deeds now be acceptable? Is there any form of dating that is allowed in Islam without getting the family involved? Because my parents expect me to finish my studies.So I am not considering marriage until after two/three years or so after I am almost done with college.I really want to keep up this relationship without angering Allah for 2/3 more years, is there any way this can be done without talking on the phone and meeting? Is there anyway it can be done without marriage???? And I want to stop but my iman is just not strong enough..what do you guys think would motivate me to stop this? :cry:

[Yanal]

Marry him if you wish this you can do anything without sin because he will be your husband and inshallah your good deeds will get accepted. Why wear the hijab and kissin public that disgraced Islam and if you live in India or US right now the islamic religion is not the very best infront of white people(no offence).

[muddasir]

Asalam O Alikum Sister,

Well sister first you can even continue your studies after marriage.

but if you cannot and as you said "I really want to keep up this relationship without angering Allah for 2/3 more years"

what i understand from your point is that you still want to live with your parent before marriage for atleast 2/3 years until your studies complete and also want to have a relationship with a boy , so what i advice you for this is to do nikah with him. After nikah if you both decided you can still live with your parent and you can go with your husband freely anywhere you want and after 2/3 years when he also start his carrier you can go to your husband house and start a new life.

[qassy!]

Hi.I am 19 years old and About four months ago, I started dating this guy who I think is decent and hardworking. He values his education just like I do. We really do like or love each other very much and we meet once every week for a movie and/or dinner. We kiss almost every time we meet and I am really scared of how much I have angered Allah for doing these sins. I have noticed that in the beginning I was kind of reluctant to kiss or hug but now it seems alright and I don't hesitate.I used to consider myself a practicing Muslimah for I wear the Hijab and pray but with these sins I don't think any of my good deeds would be accepted! Is that true? Is there no point for doing good deeds like giving charity,praying night prayer, reading Quran or helping a friend or a relative through a problem?? Even if we stop the kissing and hugging then is going to a movie and having dinner still a humongous sin? will my good deeds now be acceptable? Is there any form of dating that is allowed in Islam without getting the family involved? Because my parents expect me to finish my studies.So I am not considering marriage until after two/three years or so after I am almost done with college.I really want to keep up this relationship without angering Allah for 2/3 more years, is there any way this can be done without talking on the phone and meeting? Is there anyway it can be done without marriage???? And I want to stop but my iman is just not strong enough..what do you guys think would motivate me to stop this? :cry:

ur 19, its understanable ur parents marage after studies. Have links but in public places, yeah dont go cinima please!!!!!! i hate doing that with girl it always ends up bad........have dinner like in resturants but make sure its not quite, and dont be in the same room alone with him....

That will prevent u from kissing him or even worse...and make him understand

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[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ wat the..

NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOO


its HARAM for you to be WITH him AT ALL without hte KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR MAHRAMS OK!


Good !!

[qassy!]

^ wat the..

NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOO


its HARAM for you to be WITH him AT ALL without hte KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR MAHRAMS OK!


Good !!

Her intentions are marrage? On Shariah TV and the schlar was ajmal masroor. he said you can meet opp sex in public place, as long as ur intentions are not wrong.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Her intentions are marrage? On Shariah TV and the schlar was ajmal masroor. he said you can meet opp sex in public place, as long as ur intentions are not wrong.

lol now ask him if that meant "are we allowed to have bf/gf" as you made it sound in your above post :p

[qassy!]

lol now ask him if that meant "are we allowed to have bf/gf" as you made it sound in your above post :p

he also said if ur looking for wifey

[Cabdullahi]

he also said if ur looking for wifey

cool so as long as u have the notion that she will eventually be your wife then it is permissible to take her out wherever ,…even if it is 5 years of dating?....brother you guyz will get bored of just talking because we human's and especially men are sick in the head..we keep on going until we get that physical contact....so therefore if you are seriously ready for marriage then ud obviously avoid the above and proceed to notify the mahrams …then only can you go for the much awaited stroll on the park looking at each other with critical eyes and not lustful ones!!

thats my advice i hope the sister can relate to it

:sl:

[islamirama]

Inshallah you're good deeds are accepted for anything good you do. If we do bad sin then it is written for us and if we do a good deed then it is written for us. Which is why the prophet (saws) said to follow a bad deed with a good deed to erase it. So inshallah continue doing your good deeds.

As for this guy. Your dating him is haraam, any form of physical contact his haraam, being alone with him is haraam, going to movies and having dinner is haraam. This is not the islamic way but rather then kuffar way of getting to know someone. The islamic way is for him to go talk to your wali. If you are not ready for marriage but you want to keep seeing each other and also not displease Allah then do nikaah, this way you will be husband/wife islamically, and you can do the see-off or wedding party and farewell after graduation. If you can't do that either, then meet him only in a group gathering and never one-on-one. Even then, how islamic would that be? How can one lower their gaze or not tempt to touch each other for 2-3years? You mentioned your imaan is not strong, in 2-3 yrs that hug and kiss can lead to something else. It's better to do nikah now and your wedding later.

[nebula]

Her intentions are marrage? On Shariah TV and the schlar was ajmal masroor. he said you can meet opp sex in public place, as long as ur intentions are not wrong.

Bro just because you saw something on TV doesnt mean its true, we are ment to follow our Prophets Sunnah and Hadeeth also the Quran. The Quran clearly says that the believeing men and women are ment to lower the gaze and guard the chastity. How could one guard their chastity if your meeting a strange women whom you are non mahram to? You would obviously look at this women with lust because you would imagine her being your wife etc.

One small sin leads to many other sins so its better not to do that small sin in the first place. You should start a relationship in a Halal manner only then will you get the full blessings from Allah, but if you start it off in a manner that will displease Allah then you wont get the blessings that you would have gotten.

Also Ajmal.. is a controversial schlolar.. he believes such things like music is halaal...

[Niyya Safya]

Asalaamu Alaikum

I have to agree with Fighting4Iman and islamirama on this. I have known aaa loott of people who got married while they were in college - even people I thought just didn't seem ready for marriage because they seemed a little too immature to me, but I was wrong. So yeah, consider marriage. Kids can wait till after you're done inshaAllah. The more you interact with this guy in the haram way, the more barakah is taken from your marriage.

Marriage or not, just do the right thing - easier said than done, I know, but fight your nafs on this one. Remember Allah will take care of you if you do the right thing and strive to be the best you can ~ inshaAllah. Everything is a test - don't forget :)

About you not having enough iman: one can't expect iman to just enter one's heart. For iman to enter into the heart, you have to do good deeds first, be patient enough, and then you will start to feel something in your heart inshaAllah. And I have to say it's good you still have some fear. So really stop before it gets to the point where you won't feel a thing. (Even then inshaAllah it's not too late, but it would be harder to turn to Allah, so make the right move and don't make it harder on yourself.)

I don't know if you're in this situation or can relate, but just wanted to add this: I've heard a lot from friends who say they've met someone decent, but don't want to end it or don't want to get married just yet. They always argue I want to get know more about him to avoid problems & gossip if an engagement or marriage fail. THAT DOES NOT WORK; it doesn't make sense. You can take all the time to talk you want to 'get to know' someone, but you won't. I've heard of too many marriages that start that way and don't last long or are not happy. There a couple things you can do to really get to know someone in a short period of time & in the halal way (so I'm talkin quality, not quantity.)

[edil]

Salams sis am really sorry to hear about your situation, just know that this world is full of trials and the one who passes the trials will be really happy with the end results. So sis keep your head up high and know that marriage and school have nothing to do with each other, you can get married and still continue on with your education matter of fact you might be able to concentrate in school if you were married because you wouldnt think of anyone. I have friends who are married yet they go to school and attend the halaqas. If for some reason its not possible in your case just be patient and protect your modesty sis.

[qassy!]

Bro just because you saw something on TV doesnt mean its true, we are ment to follow our Prophets Sunnah and Hadeeth also the Quran. The Quran clearly says that the believeing men and women are ment to lower the gaze and guard the chastity. How could one guard their chastity if your meeting a strange women whom you are non mahram to? You would obviously look at this women with lust because you would imagine her being your wife etc.

One small sin leads to many other sins so its better not to do that small sin in the first place. You should start a relationship in a Halal manner only then will you get the full blessings from Allah, but if you start it off in a manner that will displease Allah then you wont get the blessings that you would have gotten.

Also Ajmal.. is a controversial schlolar.. he believes such things like music is halaal...

define controversial scholar?

[nebula]

define controversial scholar?

Out of everything i said you pick that, haha... you got skooled nicely bro :P