format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
Sis it seems like u have alot on your mind and need to destress. Stop working yourself up by going round and round in circles. Allah swt only presents us with challenges that He knows we can deal with and those that make us better.
Do you have any friends to talk to about what you are going through? Any family members?
Have you applied for his visa? Maybe the long distant thing is making it harder? I was the other way round, I could talk abit to my husband on the phone but on the face it was like what do I say to u.
When there is no love, it becomes very difficult I understand and its very much hard to consider anything more.
Stop being so hard on yourself, trust me it gets u no where. Have you prayed for guidance? Did you recieve any sign. I strongly suggest you do and follow it.
You may not know sis but I know exactly how you feel..
The very thing that makes this situation worse is that i dont have any family around me I have a very smal family and small siblings they look up to me for support but i have no one to talk to in my family i dont want to worry my parens cause they know how im feeling and i dont want them to blame them selfs. I have started applying yet cause myjob is not going very well i jsut cant build up the strength to face it someday im scared im gona lose my job cause i keep missing days and when i am there its like im not really there.
i think i keep spending too much time o my own which makes it worse. I try talking to my friends but soemtimes i jsut dont feel like seeing them because they just ot understand non of them are married andthe busy with teir own stuff there so much a person can do for you.
I have prayed isthikara many time i cry and beg allah for forgivness and to guide my heart but i still cant grow towards him but at the same time i still cant get my head round to finishing it all. Everytime i pray isthikara i get more confused i get all this weird feelings like hatred towards my self and sometimes i feel like allah doesnt want to help me. Somedays i feel like i have no reason to end it sometime i think there is nothing really major wrong with him but i know the way i feel about it. I dont know if im reading it wrong or if shaitan playing with my head.
format_quote Originally Posted by
wth1257
Well you certainly are not "a waste" and "used" you are obviously an intelligent, religious, and caring individual. If the marriage can not work then it can not work. If you want to try and work with the individual to save the marriage that's great, but ultimately if you can't love him and lead a happy life with him then you just can't. And while he may be trying to work things out now, and he may be disappointed it's not to his benefit either to be married to someone who just will not be happy in the marriage. Have you talked to your husband about this? Does he know how much you are hurting from the way things are?
The thing is i dont understand him i have told him how i feel and he knows im finding it hard. But instead of being patient with me and taking things slow he expects things from me to say things and be certain way towards him. I can understand how its like for him he just wants to get on with the marriage but i cant help the way i feel in it. He plays the guilt trip on me saying things like i dont like him because he thinks i think hes like this and like that and starts blaming him self and says i dont like him because of his weaknesses or because i wanted this and i wanted that.
I hav tried to explain to him that im still dealing with the evnt but he just thinks i should get over it and move on its been too long. He jsut expects meto forget everything and jsut play happy family. But he doesnt say things to me to make me forget whats happend. I just feel like he tells me what to do but doesnt try to understand the situation. I dont know hes not completely the bad guy and i feel bad feeling like this towards him but this whole thing just exhausts me out i feel like the bad guy and hes the good guy therefre i am making allah angry thats way i feel so opressed. I dont even know if talking about him here Iis the right thing or not dont want to make it sound favourable to me ut this just how i feel. but i jsut dont know how much i can keep it all inside me. I was gonna go abroad to see if i could make things work but i jsut know he will expect things from and his family will tell me to be this way and that way like before.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Scents of Jannah
Sis, don't think yourself as unworthy. Everyone is a sinner, whether we know about it or not. You deserve happiness just like anyone else hun. Take the rights Allah has given you and use them to change your situation. If you decide you want divorce and husband does not agree, you can apply for khula through Shariah Council. You might face a lot of opposition from family but you are within your rights, so be strong. I pray Allah brings you peace and happiness. Ameen.
I know what you are saying but i really dont know if i have a valid reason. I just feel like if i hurt him i will never be happy. We are suppose to show mercy to people in order for allah to show mercy on us so i dont know how i be perseived in the eye of allah for taking away someone elses happiness. To i really have the right to destroy someone elses happiness to find happiness. I know their hoping to come here and build a life and i gave them this hope and now im gonna take it away.
I just dont know what allah thinks of me i dont even know if i have right to complain or cry or feel like this i just think i brought it all upon my self. I mean in the quran it says we are what we earn with our own two hands so i must have angered allah to feel so much pain maybe if i practiced more before i got married maybe things would have been different maybe if my thinking were diffrent maybe i wouldnt be in this situation.
This event has scared me so much I dont care what people think of me or how i am percieved in their eyes but all i know is that i will have no one other than allah and i know i have no one other than allah to rely on and if Allah is angry with me and if i get cursed from allah for doing this what do i realy have left what hoe do i really have the only person who can make it better is Alah and i dont know how he sees me or what allah thinks of me.
I dont know there so much inside of me i just dont know who or what im suppose to be i really am losing it.