My Dream or My Love?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
i am in a very big problem and i just dont have the slightest idea about what to do. my husband to be soon has just said something he probably should have told me about a year back. i want to study medicine inshallah and my soon to be husband has just said he wants a housewife and someone who can look after the house and children etc. as some of you might know if im going to study medicine and become a doctor i will be really busy and even when im studying il be really busy. he said he doesnt want to marry me if i dont when im about 34ish stop working. nw if i start my career properly when im 30ish he expects me to stop working a couple of years after :S i dont understand what to do. should i say im going to choose my dream/career or should i forget all my dreams and do what he wants me to do. btw he has no objection me going to university and studying its just he wants me to stop working around 30ish :S

:w:

[Ansariyah]

He wants u to stop working at 30'ish..the Question is: How long u got till then?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

the greatest achievement for women is to raise children who become righteous muslims.


who become shaheeds.

who become great people..

you can teach..


dont give up on a righteous husband just because he wants a wife who will take care of his children...

[Re.TiReD]

At the end of the day, home is where the heart is and what greater responsibility and honour can a women have than to take care of her home and children

Originally posted by me. Let him do all the hard graft :p

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[Ali.]

I think you need to talk it through with him and explain. I've heard of people who dream of becoming Doctors from childhood - if you're one of them then I'd advise you don't throw it away too easily.

Allah knows best. You could try making istikharah prayer aswell.

[Ansariyah]

Sis u can become a GP..n open up ur own place n practice from home when u want. My mom's a Doctor!!

[syilla]

we need more women doctors.... :'( . i don't want men doctor touching me :'(

sis...we can only plan... and your hubby can only say what he wants...but the future is not in our hands

[AnonymousPoster]

Sis u can become a GP..n open up ur own place n practice from home when u want. My mom's a Doctor!!

we've kind of sorted things out and yeah thats one of the ideas we came up with. i think inshallah i want to open up a medican practice so i can work part time or whenever i want. but only if allah wills.

thank you brothers and sisters for all your advice. very much appreciated.
:w:

[Re.TiReD]

i am in a very big problem and i just dont have the slightest idea about what to do.

From that ^^

we've kind of sorted things out

To this ^^

Masha'Allah, see how Allah (swt) opens up pathways for His beloved servants. May He (swt) keep you under the shade of His mercy always. Ameen!

WassalamuAlaykum

[The Ruler]

There are other good men out there. God fearing and understanding. There's no reason why you ought to sacrifice your dream for a man. And he's not your husband yet, so you aren't bound to listen to him. If you really want to do medicine and want to have a career, ignore the guy.

[TabTabiun]

Well if you don't want to be a house wife just look for someone else that doesn't mind you working, it is I would think a better time to decide that now then to have children down the line and you are depressed or become depressed because you never wanted to stay home in the first place.o just move on and look for someone that will support you.

[جوري]

I really think you should search inside your own soul for an answer to this one..
often in life when we look back, it is the road we didn't take that we most regret not the safe choices.. are you going to be happy with this marriage or will you resent him down the line?

My own experience I have noticed that the only one who can understand the life style and demands of a physician is another physician..

I wish you the best whatever you decide on insha'Allah

:w:

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

There are other good men out there. God fearing and understanding. There's no reason why you ought to sacrifice your dream for a man. And he's not your husband yet, so you aren't bound to listen to him. If you really want to do medicine and want to have a career, ignore the guy.

why should one sacrifice a man for their dream too :?

@ OP sis try to come to a compromise with your future..if not and you feel you cant give up your career and feel that both you and your futures directions in life are too different, then ukhtee, i guess its best to find someone who is more "compatible."

i mean i dont think that what he is asking is illlegit or anything, but at the same time if you two have two different ideas for a marriage, then that could be potential trouble in the future, no?

either way and above all, don't forget to pray istikhara :)

[AnonymousPoster]

I think im going to do istikhara inshallah but do you think i should talk to him about doing it first? i tell him everything :uuh: ive never done it istikhara before..

[The Ruler]

why should one sacrifice a man for their dream too :?

Because a man, a good one, you can find again. Dream, once abandoned, is hard to find again.

[AnonymousPoster]

Because a man, a good one, you can find again. Dream, once abandoned, is hard to find again.

i dont think thats true sister.. its really hard to find a good, pious religious man nowadays that why i dont want to be with anyone else.

please dua for me brothers and sisters :(

[The Ruler]

i dont think thats true sister.. its really hard to find a good, pious religious man nowadays that why i dont want to be with anyone else.

please dua for me brothers and sisters :(

I think you've confllicting feelings. To me, my dreams take priority over men. Now and forever. And that's why I'd sacrifice a man for a chance to do medicine. But that's to me.

Besides, you found one pious, religious man, right? What makes you say you can't find another? And I wonder... Did the dude give you a reason as to why he doesn't want you working after 34 years of age?

[gladTidings]

Salaam Sis.

The decision very much depends on you and your aims in life. The key to finding an answer, however, lies in istikhara, so inshAllah make sincere dua'a and ask for what is best for you in this life and the hereafter. It may be that you will have to sacrifice one thing for another, but remember Allah swt is the All-Wise and His decision is the best for you inshAllah.

I've been through the whole idea of wanting to study medicine. Allah swt had other plans for me which, in hindsight, I can say was the best for me.Alhamdullilah =).

Can I ask...is your heart inclined to one over the other?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

Because a man, a good one, you can find again. Dream, once abandoned, is hard to find again.

lol i think it goes the same for the guy too ;D :p
but i guess it also depends on what your priorities in life :)

[جوري]

Not that I am here to bash brothers honestly but one should question the intent of one who doesn't wish to allow another to seek a higher education especially in this day and age or worst yet, seek it and cut it in its prime (which seems almost vengeful to me personally)
One of my eldest aunts, who was tortured really about her education/marriage woes, up to and including being taken out of college by force (this was way back when) but still, she enrolled to classes from home, eventually became a teacher, her husband died while her youngest was only 7 were it not for her degree to go back to teaching she would have been living on handouts for the rest of her life.. one really must consider the situation from all angels ..
Honey moons don't last forever
death comes to young and old, man and woman
husbands can lose their jobs too
and this might not be a biggie on many people's lists but working always equals to the ability of being able to give to charity

One day Allah's Messenger (pbuh) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I placed my trust in Allah." At that, the Prophet (pbuh) said, "Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah" - Tirmidhi [Lessons from this hadith] Placing trust in Allah means doing everything that is necessary for success!

Still I say the final decision should lie with the OP

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

[youngsister]

Not that I am here to bash brothers honestly but one should question the intent of one who doesn't wish to allow another to seek a higher education especially in this day and age or worst yet, seek it and cut it in its prime (which seems almost vengeful to me personally)
One of my eldest aunts, who was tortured really about her education/marriage woes, up to and including being taken out of college by force (this was way back when) but still, she enrolled to classes from home, eventually became a teacher, her husband died while her youngest was only 7 were it not for her degree to go back to teaching she would have been living on handouts for the rest of her life.. one really must consider the situation from all angels ..
Honey moons don't last forever
death comes to young and old, man and woman
husbands can lose their jobs too
and this might not be a biggie on many people's lists but working always equals to the ability of being able to give to charity

One day Allah's Messenger (pbuh) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I placed my trust in Allah." At that, the Prophet (pbuh) said, "Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah" - Tirmidhi [Lessons from this hadith] Placing trust in Allah means doing everything that is necessary for success!

Still I say the final decision should lie with the OP

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

:sl:
Mmm I agree many just feel intimidated while others know that they not entitle to her money so they prefer her to be at home. (From what I have seen).

Anyways to the sister who made the topic, you know the answer you need to seriously ask yourself if you are going to regret this later..and if you do it can cause troubles in the marriage.

Also whats his reason, being a doctor is not a haram job..i mean he would have a point if you were working in a office full of men (i worked in an office not the best enviroment) but you be doing a job in which you would gain a lot of good deeds, subxanallah.

To me there is no point going to Uni doing a medicine degree and then not work, 6 years of stress for what?
And plus its easy to find a practising brother this days trust me just make dua.
Think about it sis.

[AnonymousPoster]

The Ruler - He doesnt want me working when im getting to the afe of 35/36 simply because he thinks i wont have any time for him or the kids (inshallah) and he wants me to look after the home and another reason he said is because he wants me to be there when he comes home from work and he realises that being a doctor will be a tough job so he thinks when he comes home from work i'll be tired as well as him so we won't really have time for each other. and thats the causes of all marriage breakdowns, when partners dont have time for each other. do u understand? and islamically, it kind of is my duty to look after the home etc.

pearl - no my heart hasnt. its like a 50/50 thing and im just so confused..

Skye Ephémérine - hes not telling me to not go onto further education. he just wants me to work for like 6/7 years and then stop or something but he wants to open a medical practice for me when im around that age, inshallah, if Allah wills.

and also, he said his mother wont be very happy with me working till im like 45/50 :X:hmm: