feeling ugly

[anonymous]

Salam

I feel so ugly, and I don't know why. People have told me i'm pretty, and I even hope that I am. But I don't look as pretty as a lot of girls I come across.

I am trying my best in life and doing everything to the best level possible, I've kept my honor and dignity in check since day one...so why must i go through these insecurities?

Why am I made less good looking or not good looking at all compared to those who don't do justice to their looks?

What kind of world is this...plus I fear that I'll not meet a man I've always hoped for, my esteem has hit rock bottom, I'm beginning to settle for less. I feel so bad about this. And it's all because of my looks.

Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!

And you might say looks eventually die but a good character and personality lives, but these days the minute a pretty woman is around men including Muslim ones, they prefer her over the better person as a whole.

I'm not suggesting I'm better than people, but I know I've made considerable effort in my life and deserve the one thing I've remained patient for...so why is this the case?

Why does God make humans like this, and then makes them suffer and unable to achieve the things we want as a reward for our hard work?

Please advice me.

[transition?]

:sl:


Your appearance may be a test. God is Just. This may be a test to confirm your belief of His Attribute. Everyone will be beautiful in Heaven. Life here is short, so don't worry too much. Your appearance may work to your benefit and prevent you from marrying a shallow man. I've noticed how disgustingly shallow society has gotten too. +o( I'm pretty sure I read that society will be corrupted if men starting marrying women for their beauty. Do not let other people's shallows create insecurities. For they are the ones in error. Be sure of it. Do not fear their shallow judgemental nature. Try avoiding those people. Instead be strong. Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder. Who cares what you are in the eyes of the believers or nonbelievers? Find happiness in the fact that Allah (swt) raises that status of pious believers. Perhaps you are blessed with piety than with beauty. For surely piety gets a person into Heaven not beauty.

And sister, you are not ugly. :D If beauty pleases your future husband more than piety.. than sister he is surely not worth marrying. InshaAllah, God is Just and you will marry someone who appreciates the fact that you offer a gift of the greatest kind - a spouse that helps the other by enjoining in good and forbidding evil - a gift which will help him get into Heaven.

[sevgi]

Salam

I feel so ugly, and I don't know why. People have told me i'm pretty, and I even hope that I am. But I don't look as pretty as a lot of girls I come across.

I am trying my best in life and doing everything to the best level possible, I've kept my honor and dignity in check since day one...so why must i go through these insecurities?

Why am I made less good looking or not good looking at all compared to those who don't do justice to their looks?

What kind of world is this...plus I fear that I'll not meet a man I've always hoped for, my esteem has hit rock bottom, I'm beginning to settle for less. I feel so bad about this. And it's all because of my looks.

Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!

And you might say looks eventually die but a good character and personality lives, but these days the minute a pretty woman is around men including Muslim ones, they prefer her over the better person as a whole.

I'm not suggesting I'm better than people, but I know I've made considerable effort in my life and deserve the one thing I've remained patient for...so why is this the case?

Why does God make humans like this, and then makes them suffer and unable to achieve the things we want as a reward for our hard work?

Please advice me.

You know what sis, I understand you so clearly...have no doubt on that.

I was in a very serious relationship over a year ago. I was set to be married etc...but then it died (alhamdulillah) but now I am struggling with the amount of weight I have put on. I am not particularly pretty or ugly..quite average, i guess...but i dnt see myself this way. I see the ugliest thing when I look in the mirror...and the weight I have put on has just thrown me in the deep end of insecurities.

Trust me I know how this affects everything. EVERYTHING. coz we are women...and our mortal flaw is wanting to look good and expressing our beauty...inside and out. when people tell you its not important...dont listen to them...coz outter beauty is important.

im gna give this advice to both you and me. yes, outter beauty is important...but it is not the out beauty that you think other see and perceive that is important...it is the beauty you see in yourself. and at the moment...you dnt see any..other see more beauty than you. so we have to steal some of their perception dont we :D

leme tell you what to try...you dnt have to try this...but its worth a go.

1. dnt wait or expect compliments to feel like you appear 'adequate'. at this stage, not only do you feel ugly...u feel inadequate and only when people say 'hey you look nice' do you feel 'normal'. if you leave the house feeling adequate and 'normal'...when someone compliments you, your esteem will be boosted to the next level...like feeling 'ok' about your appearance.

2. the next time someone compliments you...dont think at all. dnt return the cmpliment...just say 'thank you' and smile.

3. what you wear has a HUGE effect on how you feel abt urself. allocate some money...i dnt know what ur financial situation is...but go and buy urself something uber trendy. if you wear an abayah, go buy urself something awesome to wear in the house...even some cute pjs will do it. i dno if you wear the hijab, (heck i dnt even know if you are muslim :P) but either way, allocating some money to go get ur hair done...or buying some dye and getting ur frends to dye it for you will be help. why? coz you are spending time with ur body and ur appearance...and you are changing something little on the outside.

4. you didnt mention a weight problem...but still, excersize helps you become in tune with your body and skin. what you do to your body and self during exercise is up to you. so guess what ur brain starts doing? it starts accepting ur body and appearance as it is..as its own.

5. have faith in Allah to know that he has created all people equally and adequately ugly. no..you dnt look like some really pretty girls. and you never will. but guess what...every feature on ur face and on ur body was specially hand crafted for you and ur personality...there is a reason why ur cheeks curve that way..and why ur eyes look that way and why ur nose is how it is.

6. men are ugly. uglier than me and you. they have no physical beauty whatsoever. a woman is always beautiful to them (my dad told me that)...if they have appropriate standards that is...a guy once to told me "you are either hot or you're not". i wanted to smash his face in. we care too much abt what guys see us as sis. but you know, they shud look in the mirror and realise that they are lucky to have any women get attracted to them.

7. if you are a muslim sister...keep in mind that the guys around you (if any) are all brothers...and are most probably conservative about stuff like this. im sure that if they cud, they would compliment you often....coz you are beautiful. always. coz that is why women were created by Allah...to be beautiful in every way possible.

8. I have a non-muslim guy frend. he told me once that when i put myself down..it makes me ugly and it pushes people away. like, i used to reject compliments out loud (now i only reject them in my head :P) and he just said its so disgusting for guys so to see girls who arent proud of who they are. if you dnt love urself...how do you expect a stranger man to love you? a proudly adequate, well presented girl is always more attractive than an overtly open and 'hot' or an overtly insecure, complaining girl. guys like everything in moderation. so should you.

I have no idea if this helps. ive been struggling with this stuff for a year etc...and this is all the stuff ive been telling myself and trying to do. and it helps me.

sorry if ive said anything to offend anyone.


peace.

[noorseeker]

6. men are ugly. uglier than me and you. they have no physical beauty whatsoever. a woman is always beautiful to them (my dad told me that)...if they have appropriate standards that is...a guy once to told me "you are either hot or you're not". i wanted to smash his face in. we care too much abt what guys see us as sis. but you know, they shud look in the mirror and realise that they are lucky to have any women get attracted to them.

LOL this is so true, i need help with this aswell. but im slowly getting there.Inshallah

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[glo]

Dear anonymous

I wonder why so many women feel insecure about how they look? Much of it must be due to the pressure media expectations put us under, and perhaps also the societal thinking that we 'must be good-looking to find a husband'.

There is a verse in Psalm 139 which tells us that we are all 'wonderfully made'.

Do not beat yourself up about how you think you look - or even about how others think you look ...
Believe that Allah made you just as you are, that he has a wonderful purpose for you and that in his eyes you are no less beautiful than anybody else!!
Just be patient and see what God has in store for you! :statisfie

Sending you my prayers and best wishes.

[sevgi]

6. men are ugly. uglier than me and you. they have no physical beauty whatsoever. a woman is always beautiful to them (my dad told me that)...if they have appropriate standards that is...a guy once to told me "you are either hot or you're not". i wanted to smash his face in. we care too much abt what guys see us as sis. but you know, they shud look in the mirror and realise that they are lucky to have any women get attracted to them.

LOL this is so true, i need help with this aswell. but im slowly getting there.Inshallah

Dw bro...women are a magnificent mix of huge hearts and huge insecurities. you make her feel special and she's yours. express ur stability and security through ur stance...and shes urs. if you were super hot she wudnt be attracted to you anyway...thats how women roll...NATURALLY. she'd be intimidated...BUT these days..i dno whats happening...

[crayon]

if you dnt love urself...how do you expect a stranger man to love you?

Exactly.
That's all it comes down to, sis.
You are what you perceive yourself to be. People perceive you the way you perceive yourself.
If you think you're fat and ugly and boring, then believe it or not, people will find you fat, ugly, and boring.
But if you decide that you're happy with the way you look, and are content with who you are, then everyone around you will be too.
Don't go to others looking for appreciation and nice words when you can't manage them for yourself.

"Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!"

Sis, that's what everyone says. No one's life is perfect, everyone is like "if not for this one thing, life would be great!". But everyone has that "one thing". If suddenly one day you woke up gorgeous, your happiness would last a short amount of time, and then you'd find another "one thing" that, if gone, would make your life perfect. Some people want to look better, some want to lose weight, some want to be smarter, some want to be talented. Ultimately, we've all got good and bad points about us, no one is perfect.

Accept yourself for who you are; you will be happy, and other people will love you for it.

[S_87]

youre as pretty as you feel. its normal that we see the flaws in ourselves and think everyone else seems much more pretty but i bet if you ask those people theyll see flaws in their own selves and consider you pretty. A lot of people are also 'pretty' after having made themselves up and in the mornings arent so good looking :p
if we all looked the same to fit that 'pretty' or 'ugly' bracket the world would be such a boring place. we all have our flaws and are all beautiful in our own ways. look at yourself carefully...are you really UGLY? deep down do you REALLY think that? and dont worry about men not finding you attractive, beauty IS in the eys of the beholder :)

[tresbien]

would u mind reading the research i made on beauty in morocco in the eyes of religious men.it is on this forum or other ones.

[YusufNoor]

Salam

I feel so ugly, and I don't know why. People have told me i'm pretty, and I even hope that I am. But I don't look as pretty as a lot of girls I come across.

Sister, you should try to avoid that kind of jealousy. you are as Allah[SWT] made you, and He knew EXACTLY what kind of looks would be best for you!

I am trying my best in life and doing everything to the best level possible, I've kept my honor and dignity in check since day one...so why must i go through these insecurities?

those above mentioned jealousies will bring on insecurity. focus on Salaat and Zhikr.

Why am I made less good looking or not good looking at all compared to those who don't do justice to their looks?

MAYBE Allah[SWT] is protecting you from Zina!


What kind of world is this...plus I fear that I'll not meet a man I've always hoped for, my esteem has hit rock bottom, I'm beginning to settle for less. I feel so bad about this. And it's all because of my looks.

Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!

And you might say looks eventually die but a good character and personality lives, but these days the minute a pretty woman is around men including Muslim ones, they prefer her over the better person as a whole.

those are the kind of Muslims that you don't want to marry. and i doubt that many of them are at the Masjid for Fajr.

I'm not suggesting I'm better than people, but I know I've made considerable effort in my life and deserve the one thing I've remained patient for...so why is this the case?

Sabr[patience] IS worship! all along you have felt that you have been suffering when in actuality, you have been engaged in worship. sometimes what you like is not good for you and sometimes what is good for you, you do not like.

Why does God make humans like this, and then makes them suffer and unable to achieve the things we want as a reward for our hard work?

a little more Sabr, more concentration in Salaat and Zhikr will get you plenty of reward regardless of whether or not you get a husband tomorrow.

Please advice me.

:sl:

have Sabr Sister. when i met my wife i didn't feel that looks were important, she told me that she gets up before Fajr everyday and reads one Juz of the Qur'an and that she fasts on Mondays and Thursdays. [ i sorta had a pretty lady friend who NEVER read the Qur'an once in her life!] i actually asked her to marry me BECAUSE she said that! [in like a week or two! :)]

don't get me wrong, she wasn't unattractive. she walks with a brace[she had polio at 1]. and so her face grimaced when she walked. HOWEVER, once we were married, her SMILE has become the most beautiful and cherished of visions for me!

i was raised non-Muslim and we used to watch the move the Ten Commandments every year. somewhere in there is the line "beauty is a curse to our women." [OK it's a fictionalized account, but] the Egyptian overlords would take the pretty Hebrew girls for themselves regardless if they were in love with one of their own.

it sounds like you are jealous of the woman who are distracted by their beauty, and thus that you would prefer the same distractions. Alhumdulillah, Allah[SWT] has kept you from being so challenged!

have Taqwah and where necessary, Tawbah!

:w:

[sevgi]

:sl:

have Sabr Sister. when i met my wife i didn't feel that looks were important, she told me that she gets up before Fajr everyday and reads one Juz of the Qur'an and that she fasts on Mondays and Thursdays. [ i sorta had a pretty lady friend who NEVER read the Qur'an once in her life!] i actually asked her to marry me BECAUSE she said that! [in like a week or two! :)]

don't get me wrong, she wasn't unattractive. she walks with a brace[she had polio at 1]. and so her face grimaced when she walked. HOWEVER, once we were married, her SMILE has become the most beautiful and cherished of visions for me!

i was raised non-Muslim and we used to watch the move the Ten Commandments every year. somewhere in there is the line "beauty is a curse to our women." [OK it's a fictionalized account, but] the Egyptian overlords would take the pretty Hebrew girls for themselves regardless if they were in love with one of their own.

it sounds like you are jealous of the woman who are distracted by their beauty, and thus that you would prefer the same distractions. Alhumdulillah, Allah[SWT] has kept you from being so challenged!

have Taqwah and where necessary, Tawbah!

:w:

salams,

You, my dear brother, are simply ...I'm lost for words. Thank you for being an example for younger brothers out there.

Salams to your wife and tell her to pray for you and the rest of the male ummah population.

ws

[Banu_Hashim]

Really good replies from everyone. I basically think if someone marries you just for looks then they're quite shallow... and not looking at the bigger picture and what's more important, which is piety and building a good family on this earth so that you may be with your spouse in the hereafter, InshAllah.

May Allah give you patience.

And lastly, I'm sure you're not ugly.

[Whatsthepoint]

Exactly.
That's all it comes down to, sis.
You are what you perceive yourself to be. People perceive you the way you perceive yourself.
If you think you're fat and ugly and boring, then believe it or not, people will find you fat, ugly, and boring.
But if you decide that you're happy with the way you look, and are content with who you are, then everyone around you will be too.
Don't go to others looking for appreciation and nice words when you can't manage them for yourself.

"Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!"

Sis, that's what everyone says. No one's life is perfect, everyone is like "if not for this one thing, life would be great!". But everyone has that "one thing". If suddenly one day you woke up gorgeous, your happiness would last a short amount of time, and then you'd find another "one thing" that, if gone, would make your life perfect. Some people want to look better, some want to lose weight, some want to be smarter, some want to be talented. Ultimately, we've all got good and bad points about us, no one is perfect.

Accept yourself for who you are; you will be happy, and other people will love you for it.

There are some fairly common standards nevertheless.
Cute lil' nose.

[Yanal]

I always feel I'm ugly because the atmosphere around me makes me think about pimples,hairy,etc.

[Whatsthepoint]

I always feel I'm ugly because the atmosphere around me makes me think about pimples,hairy,etc.

then shave and use anti pimples products.

[Yanal]

Shhhhh... I was supporting the sister in a way.

[Whatsthepoint]

Shhhhh... I was supporting the sister in a way.

Yeah I see now.
That was an act of good mercy, sorry.

[crayon]

There are some fairly common standards nevertheless.

Hey, different strokes for different folks!

[BNDGR]

Asalam alaikum dear sis,
I feel for you so much sis! We women do tend to judge ourselves so harshly, believe me I know. I can pick myself up and down!
Try to realize that those muslim brothers are very shallow, yes they could marry some girl who they think is pretty, but like someone else said, the looks are not what makes the person, they need to have true character and deen inside them and that shows all the way thru. You sound like you know you have immense qualities. And Allah has a plan for and inshallah will reward your qualities with the best man ever! :)
try to be confident in who you are, don't let anyone else determine your self worth for you!!
You sound like a beautiful person and very sincere. Having confidence in yourself and your qualities will make you so attractive and draw people to you.
Take care sis!

[BNDGR]

:sl:

have Sabr Sister. when i met my wife i didn't feel that looks were important, she told me that she gets up before Fajr everyday and reads one Juz of the Qur'an and that she fasts on Mondays and Thursdays. [ i sorta had a pretty lady friend who NEVER read the Qur'an once in her life!] i actually asked her to marry me BECAUSE she said that! [in like a week or two! :)]

don't get me wrong, she wasn't unattractive. she walks with a brace[she had polio at 1]. and so her face grimaced when she walked. HOWEVER, once we were married, her SMILE has become the most beautiful and cherished of visions for me!

i was raised non-Muslim and we used to watch the move the Ten Commandments every year. somewhere in there is the line "beauty is a curse to our women." [OK it's a fictionalized account, but] the Egyptian overlords would take the pretty Hebrew girls for themselves regardless if they were in love with one of their own.

it sounds like you are jealous of the woman who are distracted by their beauty, and thus that you would prefer the same distractions. Alhumdulillah, Allah[SWT] has kept you from being so challenged!

have Taqwah and where necessary, Tawbah!

:w:

MashaAllah brother, I wish more brothers could see things this way by looking at what qualities she has and not just on the outer appearance!

[aminahjaan]

The grass is always greener on the other side,
You're beautiful the way you are, and if you think you're ugly, then it's mocking Allah's creation unless of course you have stupid unneeded plastic surgery everywhere.
Everyone is gorgeous and equal in Allah's eyes. Don't cake in make-up or do anything drastic to prove you're pretty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty is skin deep.

[Intisar]

:sl: There's always a general perception of beauty, I was watching the Oprah show today and subhanAllaah it really opened my eyes to that old saying ''beauty is in the eye of beholder''. I saw women from SouthEast Asia with long necks, they would put many necklaces on and start at a young age because they considered that beautiful -- along with extremely small feet. I also saw that women in Mauritania, West Africa, would go to extreme lengths to become fat. SubhanAllaah, if I were in Mauritania they'd think I were a sickly individual because I am a fairly thin girl but over here I'm considered fairly good because thin is in. At the end of the day YOU have to be satisfied with yourself, you have to wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself ''I am beautiful'' (as cheesy as it sounds). Just like smiling everyday even though you feel like dying inside; it really does change your emotions.

Do not compare yourself to other women, as a woman, you have the natural tendency to do that. You'll say to yourself, ''ohh em gee, I wish I had as beautiful eyes as Maryam over there. Or straight teeth like Layla''. At the end of the day, everyone is different, Allaah made them look that way for a reason - and vice versa. Just because they look a particular way, it doesn't mean the same for you, it's all up to Allaah.

Sis do not dwell on it because beauty is truly skin deep. So many women think they're ''ugly'', but they end up getting married to a man who really doesn't see what they see and he thinks that his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.

And if you really have a problem with how you look, then inshaa'Allaah a bit of taking care of yourself wouldn't hurt. Eating healthy, having a good skincare regimen, getting enough sleep etc.

Trust me sis there are so many women who are afraid of men because they fear that they will notice a small pimple on their nose, even though brothers should be lowering their gaze, but to be honest brothers don't even focus on small things they actually look at the bigger picture. Sisters have much more complex emotions and tend to knit-pick things. Just read the Quran, read Don't Be Sad (La Tahzan) and realise that you are beautiful in your own way! You don't have to look like anybody else's definition of beauty, but the definition that Allaah gave you, ie. how you look. Because he meant for you to look that way.

Make Allaah your best friend for he is the only one that you can truly turn to you and you feel like he's listening, make du'a to him and be thankful for all that he has blessed you with. Surround yourself with only goodness and inshaa'Allaah always try to perform good deeds because it shows (ie. nuur). Have you ever heard people say, ''Oh mashaa'Allaah sister you're nuuring?" It's true, sometimes with people they just have that happy glow mashaa'Allaah I just can't explain it. They always seem to be content and happy and performing good deeds and never going into doing bad things.

It's probably just a phase and I can totally relate, you'll go through it a lot, you just need to know that you are who you are, and Allaah meant for you to be that way.

[Cabdullahi]

:sl:
sister you're not ugly.........some of the most beautiful people are the most ugliest inside and the most ugliest people are the most beautiful inside
i know some girls enjoy being looked at because of the adrenaline rush,always looking to flatter,some try out different cosmetic products and some go extreme ways...

but beautifying the inner self
will land you a place in heaven,so ignore your outer shell
just look presentable
i hope what i've said will help and remember that good character to the most high is appreciable


p.s ....that lady oprah should get back to africa and i hope she gets stung by a cobra

peace

[IbnAbdulHakim]

im not gonna suger coat this advice


only a retarded ape man would want a beautiful yet b.*tc*y girl
and only a retarded woman would want a handsome player

the good ones dont value looks as much as your lead to believe, and i hope you understand that.

my family is proof of that, my cousinsa re proof of that, my friends are proof of that.


dont deceive yourself, and start raising that self esteem

[sevgi]

:sl:



p.s ....that lady oprah should get back to africa and i hope she gets stung by a cobra

peace

Why would you want Oprah to be stung by a cobra? That's not very nice. How can you will ill upon a creation of Allah?

[Cabdullahi]

Why would you want Oprah to be stung by a cobra? That's not very nice. How can you will ill upon a creation of Allah?

maybe my remarks were abit overboard but I've said the above because of various reasons....namely because of how she has pioneered a way of setting a calm and sweet tone for her shows but only to rob many women of their minds by indirectly implying that it is the male who has suffocated the female and denied for her,her freedom....and one other reason is because of her endorsement of the book called 'the secret'...In it 'apparently' you will find the key to unlock and achieve greatness in wealth and other worldly things,its the science of attracting what the stupendous human being desires and yearns for........its a tool to deceive.............

she's does great stuff fair play to her, like sending gifts to poor african kids but all of that means nothing,she's just merely a conwoman



[Yusufali 92:8] But he who is a greedy miser and thinks himself self-sufficient

[Yusufali 92:9] And gives the lie to the best,-

[Yusufali 92:10] We will indeed make smooth for him the path to Misery;

[Yusufali 92:11] Nor will his wealth profit him when he falls headlong (into the Pit)

this post of mine might be a bit of topic but inshallah the thread starter can take out something valuable if anything

[seeker-of-light]

allah has created you=) that in itself is enough to make you beautiful!

[noorseeker]

I made a simillar thread a few months back, and got some really good answers, ok i posted it as annonymous, its in the advice section called i feel ugly,

Im still working on it my self, so this thread is a little reminder for me aswell

[youngsister]

You know what sis, I understand you so clearly...have no doubt on that.

I was in a very serious relationship over a year ago. I was set to be married etc...but then it died (alhamdulillah) but now I am struggling with the amount of weight I have put on. I am not particularly pretty or ugly..quite average, i guess...but i dnt see myself this way. I see the ugliest thing when I look in the mirror...and the weight I have put on has just thrown me in the deep end of insecurities.

Trust me I know how this affects everything. EVERYTHING. coz we are women...and our mortal flaw is wanting to look good and expressing our beauty...inside and out. when people tell you its not important...dont listen to them...coz outter beauty is important.

im gna give this advice to both you and me. yes, outter beauty is important...but it is not the out beauty that you think other see and perceive that is important...it is the beauty you see in yourself. and at the moment...you dnt see any..other see more beauty than you. so we have to steal some of their perception dont we :D

leme tell you what to try...you dnt have to try this...but its worth a go.

1. dnt wait or expect compliments to feel like you appear 'adequate'. at this stage, not only do you feel ugly...u feel inadequate and only when people say 'hey you look nice' do you feel 'normal'. if you leave the house feeling adequate and 'normal'...when someone compliments you, your esteem will be boosted to the next level...like feeling 'ok' about your appearance.

2. the next time someone compliments you...dont think at all. dnt return the cmpliment...just say 'thank you' and smile.

3. what you wear has a HUGE effect on how you feel abt urself. allocate some money...i dnt know what ur financial situation is...but go and buy urself something uber trendy. if you wear an abayah, go buy urself something awesome to wear in the house...even some cute pjs will do it. i dno if you wear the hijab, (heck i dnt even know if you are muslim :P) but either way, allocating some money to go get ur hair done...or buying some dye and getting ur frends to dye it for you will be help. why? coz you are spending time with ur body and ur appearance...and you are changing something little on the outside.

4. you didnt mention a weight problem...but still, excersize helps you become in tune with your body and skin. what you do to your body and self during exercise is up to you. so guess what ur brain starts doing? it starts accepting ur body and appearance as it is..as its own.

5. have faith in Allah to know that he has created all people equally and adequately ugly. no..you dnt look like some really pretty girls. and you never will. but guess what...every feature on ur face and on ur body was specially hand crafted for you and ur personality...there is a reason why ur cheeks curve that way..and why ur eyes look that way and why ur nose is how it is.

6. men are ugly. uglier than me and you. they have no physical beauty whatsoever. a woman is always beautiful to them (my dad told me that)...if they have appropriate standards that is...a guy once to told me "you are either hot or you're not". i wanted to smash his face in. we care too much abt what guys see us as sis. but you know, they shud look in the mirror and realise that they are lucky to have any women get attracted to them.

7. if you are a muslim sister...keep in mind that the guys around you (if any) are all brothers...and are most probably conservative about stuff like this. im sure that if they cud, they would compliment you often....coz you are beautiful. always. coz that is why women were created by Allah...to be beautiful in every way possible.

8. I have a non-muslim guy frend. he told me once that when i put myself down..it makes me ugly and it pushes people away. like, i used to reject compliments out loud (now i only reject them in my head :P) and he just said its so disgusting for guys so to see girls who arent proud of who they are. if you dnt love urself...how do you expect a stranger man to love you? a proudly adequate, well presented girl is always more attractive than an overtly open and 'hot' or an overtly insecure, complaining girl. guys like everything in moderation. so should you.

I have no idea if this helps. ive been struggling with this stuff for a year etc...and this is all the stuff ive been telling myself and trying to do. and it helps me.

sorry if ive said anything to offend anyone.


peace.

:sl:

This is a very very good answer sis I agree totally.

[sevgi]

:sl:

This is a very very good answer sis I agree totally.

Jazakallah khayr...Insallah we can all benefit from it. :)

[noorseeker]

i fight with the mirror everday, and i always got a cap on.

last few days i have been feeling a change in me, so what if im not good looking, at least i wont be the reason of someone sinning ,i.e girls gazing at me.

its all in the head, dont get me wrong i aint over it yet, but Inshallah i will get there.

[Ushae]

A woman should be married for her virtue and nothing else. Remember this well. If you marry a woman for anyting else such as her beauty, wealth or status then the marriage is likely to encounter difficulties.

U

[AnonymousPoster]

Salam

I feel so ugly, and I don't know why. People have told me i'm pretty, and I even hope that I am. But I don't look as pretty as a lot of girls I come across.

I am trying my best in life and doing everything to the best level possible, I've kept my honor and dignity in check since day one...so why must i go through these insecurities?

Why am I made less good looking or not good looking at all compared to those who don't do justice to their looks?

What kind of world is this...plus I fear that I'll not meet a man I've always hoped for, my esteem has hit rock bottom, I'm beginning to settle for less. I feel so bad about this. And it's all because of my looks.

Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!

And you might say looks eventually die but a good character and personality lives, but these days the minute a pretty woman is around men including Muslim ones, they prefer her over the better person as a whole.

I'm not suggesting I'm better than people, but I know I've made considerable effort in my life and deserve the one thing I've remained patient for...so why is this the case?

Why does God make humans like this, and then makes them suffer and unable to achieve the things we want as a reward for our hard work?

Please advice me.

If it's any consolation, my long term love left me for a less attractive girl. I used to think looks were important, but I couldn't have been further from the truth!!

:cry:

[sevgi]

i fight with the mirror everday, and i always got a cap on.

last few days i have been feeling a change in me, so what if im not good looking, at least i wont be the reason of someone sinning ,i.e girls gazing at me.

its all in the head, dont get me wrong i aint over it yet, but Inshallah i will get there.

Wooot!

Take that hat off. You dont need it. Even if you dont have hair. You dont need hair either. (unless its an islamic cap)

If you like, you can wear my hijab for me. :P

[noorseeker]

okay i got the long eye lashes , nice smile and dimples, but i aint good looking if you get what im saying

[nebula]

Allah created us all! we are all beautiful... our faces and bodys are just a temporary uniform u could say for our souls... our souls is what we should care about! make our souls beautiful with good deeds, thoughts and actions! to please the creator!

Sister dont worry about your looks inshallah

[bewildred]

Dear Sister,

You FEEL ugly. You surely are not so. You obviously have some self-esteem issues. You need to learn how to love yourself and have an accepting glance at your image. I know, I know, it's easier said than done. I bet you're a pretty and cute girl. I hope that with time, you can see your real "you" in the mirror.

A caring sister

S.

[Raizins]

Wa3alaikum as salam wara7matullahi wabarakatuh
Dude, sister, I know exactly how you're feeling. But the more I think about my looks the more insecure I get. I mean, especially at school when all the girls are wearing full make-up and extravagant outfits.. I try to overlook that and not even think about my appearance, except for that I am who I am, and if you love me great, if not, too bad. :D It's the confidence in a person that attracts others, not their looks. Sure the appearance is the first thing that people see about someone, but really, if a person is attracted to you just because of how you look, it's really not the same as being attracted to you internally, your personality. And that feels so much more rewarding. <3

[God-is-great]

looks dont mean anything really
what really counts is what’s inside your heart
“beauty is in the eye of the beholder”
one of my favorite quote

[Al-Zaara]

Don't bother about Junior, sevgi.

Looks aren't everything. You as a whole creation, whole existens, are everything. You can't take one "good" thing and expect no "bad" to come with it. We're humans, full of flaws.

[nms]

sometimes i feel ugly too and feel that i am not worth anything.

[nms]

i think every one goes though this, keep your head up and try not to be negitive with your self. that might help and pray to God that you get better and pray that all the negitive feelings go away. sorry i cant spell

[IbnAbdulHakim]

today on the way home i saw a brother whos pigmentation was completely distorted, his skin droopy... his eyes discolored...

i took a look at him and began sending a thousand praises to Allaah.


you feel ugly?... how do they feel?

and this particular brother had a full beard... completely sunnah clothing... he seemed so pious. he was beautiful :)

[God-is-great]

Subahanallah, we never realize how perfect we are made
There are some who are born without limbs and are still living there lives
Most of them don’t even complain cuz they are thankful that they are still alive
Look at us, physically we are perfect, but we still complain that we are “ugly”.
What about those who don’t even have arms, or legs, or who are blind, or deaf, or dumb?
So before we start to complain, think of those who don’t have what we have. Instead of complaining, we should be thankful that we are physically perfect and that we are able to do what others can’t.

[جوري]

astghfor Alla ukhty or akhi.. reading threads like this make me angry, I wish I hadn't seen it..
Reflect on what you mock by alleging you are ugly.
You mock your parents who have passed their genes on to you and wanted a lovely off spring to fill their world
and you look down upon how Allah swt chose to create you (which is in the best form)
To me forgive me for saying but true ugliness comes from ingratitude..

Consider that two of my colleagues died recently to a drunk driver, and I will not write of their struggles and their lives because I think it does a precious human life injustice to sum it up in a paragraph...

Go open a window smell the fresh air and smile-- be thankful to Allah swt for creating you, giving you a chance at life, at friends, at a loving family, a working body and making you a part of this great umma.. use all your senses and think of those less fortunate if only you knew truly how many are less forunate perhaps you wouldn't waste time thinking of something so useless and superficial ..

forgive me if I were harsh.. but your post rather upset me...

[anonymous]

Salam

I feel so ugly, and I don't know why. People have told me i'm pretty, and I even hope that I am. But I don't look as pretty as a lot of girls I come across.

I am trying my best in life and doing everything to the best level possible, I've kept my honor and dignity in check since day one...so why must i go through these insecurities?

Why am I made less good looking or not good looking at all compared to those who don't do justice to their looks?

What kind of world is this...plus I fear that I'll not meet a man I've always hoped for, my esteem has hit rock bottom, I'm beginning to settle for less. I feel so bad about this. And it's all because of my looks.

Everything is fine but this one thing ruins it!

And you might say looks eventually die but a good character and personality lives, but these days the minute a pretty woman is around men including Muslim ones, they prefer her over the better person as a whole.

I'm not suggesting I'm better than people, but I know I've made considerable effort in my life and deserve the one thing I've remained patient for...so why is this the case?

Why does God make humans like this, and then makes them suffer and unable to achieve the things we want as a reward for our hard work?

Please advice me.

:salamext:

You look how you look for a reason. You might not realise it now, and you may not ralise it later, but there is definitely a reason. The difference is that Allaah makes it known to some people through realisation and hides it from some people to see how grateful they will be to Him.