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Najm
02-12-2009, 10:09 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Maybe not the right section. I have been reading so much about marriage. But until i do get married, is there anything good about being single?

Sometimes it seems a simple case of....... single people wanting to get married and........... married people wanting to get single.

I feel there is so much hype in getting married, and then not turning out the way you wanted it to be.

Please comment...

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

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Ibn Abi Ahmed
02-12-2009, 10:18 PM
Originally Posted by Najm

I feel there is so much hype in getting married, and then not turning out the way you wanted it to be.

Please comment...

FiAmaaniAllah
:sl:

Only because usually those that really want to get married spend their single days wishing they were married and not getting themselves ready for things that come after it. If people educated themselves about marriage, from an Islamic perspective and from other variant perspectives as well such as psychological etc, as they would for any other thing in life, they can make it work out very well.

So it's how you utilize your time that can make it good or bad. If you spend your single days moping about how you're not married and aren't doing anything about it, then you're going to be very miserable. However, if you spent that time using your desire for marriage and companionship into proactively learning about marriage and training yourself for it, it's going to get good now and down the line Insha'Allaah. Personally, I hate being single, but I try not to let that get into the way of me doing things that I need to do and working my way towards a married life.
Reply

Mujahidah4Allah
02-12-2009, 10:27 PM
:sl:

yeah you can eat sleep etc when you want ...

wa/salam
Reply

Trumble
02-12-2009, 10:28 PM
Originally Posted by Najm
But until i do get married, is there anything good about being single?
A great deal, most of which you don't appreciate until you no longer are!

The main one is freedom, the ability to do what you want when you want, and have the time to do it. You just can't do that when you are married. Don't get me wrong, it's a freedom you voluntarily give up in favour of responsibility, mutual respect, partnership and (hopefully) increased happiness. My point is just enjoy it when you can; you will miss it from time to time no matter how much you love your wife!
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Güven
02-12-2009, 10:33 PM
Originally Posted by Mujahidah4Allah
:sl:

yeah you can eat sleep etc when you want ...

wa/salam
:wasalamex

And when you are married not? :X
Reply

alcurad
02-12-2009, 10:46 PM
rather what's wrong with being single..
don't think about marriage as an obligation. it's not something that you have to do, well we mostly do, but that's instinct. been single as well as getting married are both self serving in the end.
Reply

Mujahidah4Allah
02-12-2009, 11:00 PM
Originally Posted by Güven
:wasalamex

And when you are married not? :X

i think in the beginning the wife waits then she acts single when she wants when he starts taking the mick?

wa/salam
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
02-12-2009, 11:24 PM
Originally Posted by Mujahidah4Allah
:sl:

yeah you can eat sleep etc when you want ...

wa/salam
if you cant do that after marriage i aint getting married


lol just fish off
Reply

Mujahidah4Allah
02-12-2009, 11:28 PM
maybe an experienced married sis should tell us what happens :X i'm just assuming...
wa/salam
Reply

zanjabeela
02-13-2009, 03:41 AM
:sl:

  • Your life is your own.
  • Your time is your own.
  • You can dedicate a bit more time to your ibadah that you would otherwise give to your spouse, his/her family, and his/her friends. (I know, marriage is ibadah too, but you'll miss being able to read 1 juz or whatever a day when you're married.)
  • You don't have to be responsible for another individual's needs and feelings at least 50% of the time.
  • You can eat what you want every single day of the week, never wondering, "Hmmmm, what would he/she like for breakfast, lunch and dinner?"
  • You can do your laundry when you need it done, not when he/she does.
  • You can leave your dirty socks lying in a pile by the side of your bed without knowing your husband/wife thinks you're so gross.
  • You can wear that ratty old flannel shirt to bed without your wife/husband saying, "Honey, here's the credit card, go buy nicer sleepwear."
  • Et cetera ad nauseum.


Sure, this all sounds like stuff you don't need...but when you're married, you just might miss it. So, close your eyes and imagine how life will really change when you're married and you just might find the good parts of being single.

:w:
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 04:32 AM
Wasn't Said Nursi single (all his life)? :ooh:
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 05:22 AM
:sl:

I think that there are things we can do in our singledom which we cannot do during marriage. Especially with refence to things involving our deen and Iman.

Whilst you are single, you are supposed to grow spiritually, as much as you can and do dawah and just seek knowledge etc.

After you are married, you are restricted in many ways. Family life takes a toll on you and you work out new ways to grow spiritually etc. Serving your family becomes a way of expressive your love and respect for you deen etc.

So the best of both worlds is what you should be looking for, bro.

On a practical level, both are hard and easy. It is all about getting to know yourself in relation to yourself and then getting to know yourself in relation to living with your partner. You are, essentially, a whole new person. While you are single you might hate being alone. Then when you get married, you might pray for a lonely minute. So are you a person who likes or dislikes alone time? Both. Two different people in two different worlds.

Wasalaam.
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 05:23 AM
Originally Posted by Pomak
Wasn't Said Nursi single (all his life)? :ooh:
Yes he was. As is Fethullah Gulen Hodja.

They are men who have devoted their lives to dawah though. Marriage would just be a constraint and tie them to this world rather than the hereafter.
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 06:18 AM
Originally Posted by sevgi
Yes he was. As is Fethullah Gulen Hodja.

They are men who have devoted their lives to dawah though. Marriage would just be a constraint and tie them to this world rather than the hereafter.
Also because of the attitudes of the Republic in those days towards scholars. Or so i was told.

Also about Gulen, didn't he like make his students promise that they would get married? (true or not?)
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 06:21 AM
Originally Posted by pomak

also about gulen, didn't he like make his students promise that they would get married? (true or not?)
untrue!!!!!!!!
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 06:24 AM
Originally Posted by sevgi
untrue!!!!!!!!
Hmm i must have of misheard.
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 06:42 AM
Originally Posted by Pomak
Hmm i must have of misheard.
They are students...not followers. He doesn't have the right to ask for such a thing.
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 06:46 AM
Originally Posted by sevgi
They are students...not followers. He doesn't have the right to ask for such a thing.
okok, has he "urged" very strongly, that this sunnah should be followed by them?

I mean are we playing semantics or has he said nothing on the subject?
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 06:52 AM
Originally Posted by Pomak
okok, has he "urged" very strongly, that this sunnah should be followed by them?

I mean are we playing semantics or has he said nothing on the subject?
No. Dude. I've been his student since I was nine years old. Does it look like I have plans of not being married?

Geez.
Reply

noorseeker
02-13-2009, 07:40 AM
Its hard being single, you want to share your joy and sadness with someone , with my case just having someone to talk to.

When Getting married , you now have to take someone else's feelings into consideration.
Its a life changing thing for most of us. You cant do as you please all the time,
you cant meet up with the boys when you want and come home when you like.

Like now for example , im in my room with the light on, on L.I. if i were married i would have to think oh my wifes asleep, i dont want to disturb her .

If my wife were to follow my routine day in day out, she would get very bored.

My room is a mess, my wardrobe is my floor , theres so many sweet wrappers in the bin,
socks on the floor, man im gonna miss these days.


someone said to me when you getting married, just to get the laugh i said the washing machine aint broke yet.LOL
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
02-13-2009, 08:17 AM
:wasalamex
Originally Posted by Najm
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
Maybe not the right section. I have been reading so much about marriage. But until i do get married, is there anything good about being single?
there would be alot no doubt about it, but at the same time, there are negatives about it, as well. So, i think both marriage and single life have their equal negatives and positives.
i say whether or not there is good to being single, if you have found the right person, and you feel ready for marriage, etc, then go for it, and don't waste time, right?

Sometimes it seems a simple case of....... single people wanting to get married and........... married people wanting to get single.

I feel there is so much hype in getting married, and then not turning out the way you wanted it to be.
i get what you mean. for me personally, marriage scares me a little, and to be honest, i dont see what the hype is in getting married. i mean its sweet and cute, etc, don't get me wrong. but there is also a responsibly which for some reason people seem to ignore, and hence have this whole rosy/fairy tale, out of touch with reality idea of it. i dont mean to sound negative or rude or anything, but alot of people don't seem to approach the whole idea of marriage in a balanced way, imo. and i think that's were all the "hype" comes from...i mean, its important to know that when you get married, its not all going to be "happy days" right?


Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

Only because usually those that really want to get married spend their single days wishing they were married and not getting themselves ready for things that come after it. If people educated themselves about marriage, from an Islamic perspective and from other variant perspectives as well such as psychological etc, as they would for any other thing in life, they can make it work out very well.

So it's how you utilize your time that can make it good or bad. If you spend your single days moping about how you're not married and aren't doing anything about it, then you're going to be very miserable. However, if you spent that time using your desire for marriage and companionship into proactively learning about marriage and training yourself for it, it's going to get good now and down the line Insha'Allaah. Personally, I hate being single, but I try not to let that get into the way of me doing things that I need to do and working my way towards a married life.
I think that there are things we can do in our singledom which we cannot do during marriage. Especially with refence to things involving our deen and Iman.

Whilst you are single, you are supposed to grow spiritually, as much as you can and do dawah and just seek knowledge etc.

After you are married, you are restricted in many ways. Family life takes a toll on you and you work out new ways to grow spiritually etc. Serving your family becomes a way of expressive your love and respect for you deen etc.

So the best of both worlds is what you should be looking for, bro.

On a practical level, both are hard and easy. It is all about getting to know yourself in relation to yourself and then getting to know yourself in relation to living with your partner. You are, essentially, a whole new person. While you are single you might hate being alone. Then when you get married, you might pray for a lonely minute. So are you a person who likes or dislikes alone time? Both. Two different people in two different worlds.
agreed...
Reply

noorseeker
02-13-2009, 08:24 AM
I always have this image of im making my wife happy everyday , making her laugh and joke, everythinh cushy, but i doubt marriage will be like that everyday,

Because im not in a positon to get married, have to most likely wait post 30, it makes me value it even more,
Reply

MinAhlilHadeeth
02-13-2009, 08:49 AM
:salamext:

I agree with Abu Sayyad wholeheartedly, on every point.

Originally Posted by zAnjabeela
:sl:

  • You can dedicate a bit more time to your ibadah that you would otherwise give to your spouse, his/her family, and his/her friends. (I know, marriage is ibadah too, but you'll miss being able to read 1 juz or whatever a day when you're married.)
:wasalamex

I really don't see why you can't read even more than 1 juz a day when you're married. If people blame this on marriage, they're really just looking for excuses. I think we should start to wonder what's wrong with our marriages, if we are distracting each other to the extent that we don't even have time to read the book of Allaah. Just my two cents.
Reply

crayon
02-13-2009, 11:07 AM
Both being single and being married have advantages and disadvantages.
The only way we can be truly happy is to love the stage of life we're currently experiencing.
You spend your single life wishing you were married, then when you get married, when the first couple of lovey dovey months are over, you start missing being single and independent.

Each part of your life is different, has different pleasures, different responsibilities, different disadvantages. But we have to live through every single one of those stages. If we're constantly rushing ahead to the next stage, or longing for the previous stage, you can never fully experience and live the stage you're currently at.

When you're a kid, enjoy being a kid, and live that stage of your life.
When you're an adult, enjoy being an adult, and live that stage of your life.

When you don't have a job, not having one, and live that stage of your life.
When you have a job, enjoy having one, and live that stage of your life.

When you're single, enjoy being single, and live that stage of your life.
When you're married, enjoy being married, and live that stage of your life.

The same reasoning can be applied to every single aspect of life. One stage isn't better or worse than the other, it's simply different.
I hope my ramblings made some sense to someone other than me..
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 11:34 AM
Originally Posted by sevgi

They are men who have devoted their lives to dawah though. Marriage would just be a constraint and tie them to this world rather than the hereafter.
^this is wrong.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven."
Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Bukhari
Reply

noorseeker
02-13-2009, 11:46 AM
Originally Posted by crayon
Both being single and being married have advantages and disadvantages.
The only way we can be truly happy is to love the stage of life we're currently experiencing.
You spend your single life wishing you were married, then when you get married, when the first couple of lovey dovey months are over, you start missing being single and independent.

Each part of your life is different, has different pleasures, different responsibilities, different disadvantages. But we have to live through every single one of those stages. If we're constantly rushing ahead to the next stage, or longing for the previous stage, you can never fully experience and live the stage you're currently at.

When you're a kid, enjoy being a kid, and live that stage of your life.
When you're an adult, enjoy being an adult, and live that stage of your life.

When you don't have a job, not having one, and live that stage of your life.
When you have a job, enjoy having one, and live that stage of your life.

When you're single, enjoy being single, and live that stage of your life.
When you're married, enjoy being married, and live that stage of your life.

The same reasoning can be applied to every single aspect of life. One stage isn't better or worse than the other, it's simply different.
I hope my ramblings made some sense to someone other than me..
Great advice JazakAllah khayran
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 12:02 PM
Originally Posted by amani
^this is wrong.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven."
Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Bukhari
Are you sure you don't want to add anything?
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 12:35 PM
Originally Posted by Pomak
Are you sure you don't want to add anything?
i think the hadith says it all, dont you :)
Reply

Hafswa
02-13-2009, 12:46 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
Both being single and being married have advantages and disadvantages.
The only way we can be truly happy is to love the stage of life we're currently experiencing.
You spend your single life wishing you were married, then when you get married, when the first couple of lovey dovey months are over, you start missing being single and independent.

Each part of your life is different, has different pleasures, different responsibilities, different disadvantages. But we have to live through every single one of those stages. If we're constantly rushing ahead to the next stage, or longing for the previous stage, you can never fully experience and live the stage you're currently at.

When you're a kid, enjoy being a kid, and live that stage of your life.
When you're an adult, enjoy being an adult, and live that stage of your life.

When you don't have a job, not having one, and live that stage of your life.
When you have a job, enjoy having one, and live that stage of your life.

When you're single, enjoy being single, and live that stage of your life.
When you're married, enjoy being married, and live that stage of your life.

The same reasoning can be applied to every single aspect of life. One stage isn't better or worse than the other, it's simply different.
I hope my ramblings made some sense to someone other than me..
Well said sis :awesome:..... we can never have our cake and eat it all too:)
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 12:55 PM
Originally Posted by amani
i think the hadith says it all, dont you :)
So i take it your making Takfeer on Said Nursi? (He didn't marry or grow a beard, both of which are sunnah at bare minimum)

Because frankly thats how i read that hadith, with no commentary or further input.
Reply

MO783
02-13-2009, 12:59 PM
:sl:

This depends on the individual I guess but I want to marry, im tired of being single

imsad
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 01:01 PM
Originally Posted by amani
i think the hadith says it all, dont you :)
Sis, you don't even know who we are talking about.
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 01:04 PM
Originally Posted by Pomak
So i take it your making Takfeer on Said Nursi? (He didn't marry or grow a beard, both of which are sunnah at bare minimum)

Because frankly thats how i read that hadith, with no commentary or further input.
i didnt make tafkir of him SubhanAllah i dont even know who he is. I intentionally took out his name from the quote and only made comment on the part of the quote i was speaking about. And what i was saying was that marriage is part of the deen and it is not piety or devotion to the hereafter to not marry as the hadith clearly states..which in summary was about men who wanted to do things which they thought would bring them piety and Muhammed :arabic5: corrected them..and with regards to staying away from women said:

By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me
and He is the best of examples.
Reply

Hafswa
02-13-2009, 01:05 PM
Originally Posted by MO783
:sl:

This depends on the individual I guess but I want to marry, im tired of being single

imsad
Will make du'a for you:)
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 01:05 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
Sis, you don't even know who we are talking about.
yes i know i dont know who you are talking about which is why i didnt comment on HIM but i commented on your quote
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 01:06 PM
Originally Posted by amani
i didnt make tafkir of him SubhanAllah i dont even know who he is. I intentionally took out his name from the quote and only made comment on the part of the quote i was speaking about. And what i was saying was that marriage is part of the deen and it is not piety or devotion to the hereafter to not marry as the hadith clearly states..which in summary was about men who wanted to do things which they thought would bring them piety and Muhammed :arabic5: corrected them..and with regards to staying away from women said:



and He is the best of examples.
So if you cannot or do not follow one of his examples, it means that you do not think he is the best of examples?
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 01:08 PM
Originally Posted by amani
yes i know i dont know who you are talking about which is why i didnt comment on HIM but i commented on your quote
Your quote said that what i said about these men WAS NOT TRUE and that they WERE NOT OF OUR PROPHET.

If you don't know their circumstances, just keep to yourself.
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 01:10 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
So if you cannot or do not follow one of his examples, it means that you do not think he is the best of examples?
not at all but you said:

They are men who have devoted their lives to dawah though. Marriage would just be a constraint and tie them to this world rather than the hereafter.
which i understand as they left marriage as a choice as it would have been an obstacle in their striving for the aakhirah.
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 01:11 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
Your quote said that what i said about these men WAS NOT TRUE and that they WERE NOT OF OUR PROPHET.

If you don't know their circumstances, just keep to yourself.
so what exactly did you mean by your quote? ^o)
Reply

sevgi
02-13-2009, 01:13 PM
Read their biographies and their works and you will understand. I'm no preacher. There is no way I can explain this to you without you knowing who and what they are.
Reply

S_87
02-13-2009, 01:19 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
Read their biographies and their works and you will understand. I'm no preacher. There is no way I can explain this to you without you knowing who and what they are.
sure id be glad if u can direct me to their biographies.
and again i would like to say, my comment was based on what you said about marriage being a constraint...not about these peoples lives
Reply

Pomak
02-13-2009, 01:53 PM
Originally Posted by amani
sure id be glad if u can direct me to their biographies.
and again i would like to say, my comment was based on what you said about marriage being a constraint...not about these peoples lives
http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/B...si/Default.htm

:)
Reply

Najm
02-13-2009, 03:15 PM
WalaikumAsSalam WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

Only because usually those that really want to get married spend their single days wishing they were married and not getting themselves ready for things that come after it. If people educated themselves about marriage, from an Islamic perspective and from other variant perspectives as well such as psychological etc, as they would for any other thing in life, they can make it work out very well.

So it's how you utilize your time that can make it good or bad. If you spend your single days moping about how you're not married and aren't doing anything about it, then you're going to be very miserable. However, if you spent that time using your desire for marriage and companionship into proactively learning about marriage and training yourself for it, it's going to get good now and down the line Insha'Allaah. Personally, I hate being single, but I try not to let that get into the way of me doing things that I need to do and working my way towards a married life.
Excellent Answer!! On the bold writings.....say someone does all that, then don't you think they will expect so much from the marriage and get so less?? :-[

What does one need to do, as a process from being single to mariage life? And to enjoy both phases of life?. :-[

Originally Posted by Mujahidah4Allah
:sl:

yeah you can eat sleep etc when you want ...

wa/salam
^o) You can do that anyway, read opening post again....

Originally Posted by Trumble
A great deal, most of which you don't appreciate until you no longer are!

The main one is freedom, the ability to do what you want when you want, and have the time to do it. You just can't do that when you are married. Don't get me wrong, it's a freedom you voluntarily give up in favour of responsibility, mutual respect, partnership and (hopefully) increased happiness. My point is just enjoy it when you can; you will miss it from time to time no matter how much you love your wife!

Peace....
Good point, about freedom and enjoyment. :D But i dont see how marriage can restict someone sooooo much. People have responsibility when they are single too, yes its a different kind but nevertheless. I am sure you can enjoy with your spouse too, if you get the right one. How much freedom does one want?

Peace...


Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
if you cant do that after marriage i aint getting married


lol just fish off
Yeah you get me :D

Originally Posted by zAnjabeela
:sl:

  • Your life is your own.
  • Your time is your own.
  • You can dedicate a bit more time to your ibadah that you would otherwise give to your spouse, his/her family, and his/her friends. (I know, marriage is ibadah too, but you'll miss being able to read 1 juz or whatever a day when you're married.)
  • You don't have to be responsible for another individual's needs and feelings at least 50% of the time.
  • You can eat what you want every single day of the week, never wondering, "Hmmmm, what would he/she like for breakfast, lunch and dinner?"
  • You can do your laundry when you need it done, not when he/she does.
  • You can leave your dirty socks lying in a pile by the side of your bed without knowing your husband/wife thinks you're so gross.
  • You can wear that ratty old flannel shirt to bed without your wife/husband saying, "Honey, here's the credit card, go buy nicer sleepwear."
  • Et cetera ad nauseum.


Sure, this all sounds like stuff you don't need...but when you're married, you just might miss it. So, close your eyes and imagine how life will really change when you're married and you just might find the good parts of being single.

:w:

Excellent advise! Nevertheless some you can do while your married such point numbers 3, 5,6,7,8! Just cause your single it doesnt mean you shuould have dirty socks lying around, laundry etc! Not being able to read 1 juzz is an excuse! Most of these points are workable during married life, and its not that restrictive, as you think!

Lets hear more advantages of being single!!

FiAmaaniAllah!
Reply

Najm
02-13-2009, 04:59 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Originally Posted by sevgi
:sl:

I think that there are things we can do in our singledom which we cannot do during marriage. Especially with refence to things involving our deen and Iman.

Whilst you are single, you are supposed to grow spiritually, as much as you can and do dawah and just seek knowledge etc.

After you are married, you are restricted in many ways. Family life takes a toll on you and you work out new ways to grow spiritually etc. Serving your family becomes a way of expressive your love and respect for you deen etc.

So the best of both worlds is what you should be looking for, bro.

On a practical level, both are hard and easy. It is all about getting to know yourself in relation to yourself and then getting to know yourself in relation to living with your partner. You are, essentially, a whole new person. While you are single you might hate being alone. Then when you get married, you might pray for a lonely minute. So are you a person who likes or dislikes alone time? Both. Two different people in two different worlds.

Wasalaam.
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

:blind:I feel a bit confused. I understand that we should get the best of both worlds. But you havent really mentioned what is best about being single. Please comment further on the first part:-[


When you single dont you have responisibiliyt given by you parents, i.e. looking after them or extra? <<< And cant that restrict someone ? I know some people are resticted, by the parents, but after mariage they are not. Just a reminder to stay on topic please

Originally Posted by nightstar
Its hard being single, you want to share your joy and sadness with someone , with my case just having someone to talk to.

When Getting married , you now have to take someone else's feelings into consideration.
Its a life changing thing for most of us. You cant do as you please all the time,
you cant meet up with the boys when you want and come home when you like.

Like now for example , im in my room with the light on, on L.I. if i were married i would have to think oh my wifes asleep, i dont want to disturb her .

If my wife were to follow my routine day in day out, she would get very bored.

My room is a mess, my wardrobe is my floor , theres so many sweet wrappers in the bin,
socks on the floor, man im gonna miss these days.


someone said to me when you getting married, just to get the laugh i said the washing machine aint broke yet.LOL
Interesting post, i just dont understand, as a single person you cant clean your own room. I dont see why you should be messy in the first place. Please do clean the room.

And when you do get married, i dont expect you spouse to clean after your droppings ( no pun intended
) :D
AI dont see why you should be disturbing the wife, while sees a sleep, you want her to look beautiful right?

Dont bore your wife everm and Just find a different room for LI.

So is there anything really good about being single?


Originally Posted by nightstar
I always have this image of im making my wife happy everyday , making her laugh and joke, everythinh cushy, but i doubt marriage will be like that everyday,

Because im not in a positon to get married, have to most likely wait post 30, it makes me value it even more,
Alhamdulillah, its really up to you if you want to keep your wife happy everyday :D

Originally Posted by Faizah
:salamext:

I agree with Abu Sayyad wholeheartedly, on every point.



:wasalamex

I really don't see why you can't read even more than 1 juz a day when you're married. If people blame this on marriage, they're really just looking for excuses. I think we should start to wonder what's wrong with our marriages, if we are distracting each other to the extent that we don't even have time to read the book of Allaah. Just my two cents.
Alhamdulillah. I agree too. Uhkti, for yourself, is there anything you miss from being single :-[

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

muslim sister)
02-13-2009, 05:07 PM
Originally Posted by MO783
:sl:

This depends on the individual I guess but I want to marry, im tired of being single

imsad
Same here,maybe after marriage I will miss my singe days but for now I wish I would miss my single days
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MinAhlilHadeeth
02-13-2009, 05:09 PM
Originally Posted by Najm

Alhamdulillah. I agree too. Uhkti, for yourself, is there anything you miss from being single :-[

FiAmaaniAllah
:salamext:

Well, I don't see my friends as often, as I've moved quite far away from them. But I gained a much better companion in return, wal-Hamdulillaah. Apart from that, there isn't anything else I miss.
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Najm
02-13-2009, 05:19 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
:wasalamex

there would be alot no doubt about it, but at the same time, there are negatives about it, as well. So, i think both marriage and single life have their equal negatives and positives.
i say whether or not there is good to being single, if you have found the right person, and you feel ready for marriage, etc, then go for it, and don't waste time, right?


i get what you mean. for me personally, marriage scares me a little, and to be honest, i dont see what the hype is in getting married. i mean its sweet and cute, etc, don't get me wrong. but there is also a responsibly which for some reason people seem to ignore, and hence have this whole rosy/fairy tale, out of touch with reality idea of it. i dont mean to sound negative or rude or anything, but alot of people don't seem to approach the whole idea of marriage in a balanced way, imo. and i think that's were all the "hype" comes from...i mean, its important to know that when you get married, its not all going to be "happy days" right?





agreed...
JazakiAllah Khair for your reply. So what are some of negatives and positives about marriage?:-[ Sometimes the right person, may have the wrong families, i.e. like the spouses are cool with each other but parents are not or in the parents eyes theres always someone better :blind:etc...thats a different topic, lol i think im so against parents thinking they are right, maybe another thread? :-[ But no, i woundnt waste time at all :)

I understand about the hype. I think it kinda builds up over the years of being single, and the excitement gets high. Marriage has good and bad days, but its really how spouses deal with that, and like have they set their structure of living together etc. Marriage should be balance Alhamdulillah .



Originally Posted by crayon
Both being single and being married have advantages and disadvantages.
The only way we can be truly happy is to love the stage of life we're currently experiencing.
You spend your single life wishing you were married, then when you get married, when the first couple of lovey dovey months are over, you start missing being single and independent.

Each part of your life is different, has different pleasures, different responsibilities, different disadvantages. But we have to live through every single one of those stages. If we're constantly rushing ahead to the next stage, or longing for the previous stage, you can never fully experience and live the stage you're currently at.

When you're a kid, enjoy being a kid, and live that stage of your life.
When you're an adult, enjoy being an adult, and live that stage of your life.

When you don't have a job, not having one, and live that stage of your life.
When you have a job, enjoy having one, and live that stage of your life.

When you're single, enjoy being single, and live that stage of your life.
When you're married, enjoy being married, and live that stage of your life.

The same reasoning can be applied to every single aspect of life. One stage isn't better or worse than the other, it's simply different.
I hope my ramblings made some sense to someone other than me..

Excellent post!! It made some sense, and i like it.....Love every stage!! So would you like to tell me some pros and cons???

Love can be sustained, if spouses do it properly from the start.

Originally Posted by amani

Narrated Anas bin Malik: A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven."
Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Bukhari

Nice Hadith, i will always be pro-marriage. I'll keep that in mind inshaAllah.Any comment on the opening post? :-[

JazakAllah Khair for all your reponses, most appreciated.

FiAmaaniAllah.
Reply

Ibn Abi Ahmed
02-13-2009, 05:31 PM
Originally Posted by Faizah
I really don't see why you can't read even more than 1 juz a day when you're married. If people blame this on marriage, they're really just looking for excuses. I think we should start to wonder what's wrong with our marriages, if we are distracting each other to the extent that we don't even have time to read the book of Allaah. Just my two cents.
:sl:

Agreed. I'm not too sure of this, but to build on your point, isn't being married and fulfilling your responsibilities going to bear a higher ajr than reciting a Juz or two of Qur'aan? Because, reciting Qur'an only benefits yourself, whereas in marriage you're benefiting yourself, your spouse and society? You'd be establishing a family and raising Muslims on the methadology of the Prophet (salalahu 'alayhi wa sallam), so naturally the ajr is greater taking into account how marriage is half of the religion?

Originally Posted by crayon
Both being single and being married have advantages and disadvantages.
The only way we can be truly happy is to love the stage of life we're currently experiencing.
You spend your single life wishing you were married, then when you get married, when the first couple of lovey dovey months are over, you start missing being single and independent.

Each part of your life is different, has different pleasures, different responsibilities, different disadvantages. But we have to live through every single one of those stages. If we're constantly rushing ahead to the next stage, or longing for the previous stage, you can never fully experience and live the stage you're currently at.

When you're a kid, enjoy being a kid, and live that stage of your life.
When you're an adult, enjoy being an adult, and live that stage of your life.

When you don't have a job, not having one, and live that stage of your life.
When you have a job, enjoy having one, and live that stage of your life.

When you're single, enjoy being single, and live that stage of your life.
When you're married, enjoy being married, and live that stage of your life.

The same reasoning can be applied to every single aspect of life. One stage isn't better or worse than the other, it's simply different.
I hope my ramblings made some sense to someone other than me..
Great perspective, indeed there is happiness in being content.

Originally Posted by MO783
:sl:

This depends on the individual I guess but I want to marry, im tired of being single

imsad
:w:

May Allaah make it easy for you and for us.

Originally Posted by Najm
WalaikumAsSalam WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Excellent Answer!! On the bold writings.....say someone does all that, then don't you think they will expect so much from the marriage and get so less?? :-[

:wasalamex

No, because educating yourself about marriage isn't just about how to deal w/ your spouse, it's wider than that; one of the most crucial lessons I've learned in my research about marriage is that as a spouse, you should never ever look at your rights in the relationship and wait for them to be fulfilled, i.e. don't 'expect' any special treatment, rather you have to focus on your obligations and work hard in fulfilling that, so when you get something like say a gift or extra nice treatment from your spouse, you weren't expecting it and you value it a lot more. As Muslims we don't expect anything from any of the creation, rather we expect and place our hopes and reliance on Allaah alone, and this applies in marriage just as it does in any other aspect of life. As Umar r.a. said, few are homes that are built upon love, rather people get along by kindness and ihsaan to one another. The problems in marriage arise when the husband wants his wife to fulfill all his rights, and she wants him to fulfill all rights due to her, and neither are concerned about their obligations. This is why educating yourself and training yourself for marriage is on par in terms of importance with choosing a proper pious spouse, because once the foundation is strong and deep, what's built upon it is sturdy and long-lasting by the permission of Allaah.

Ibn Abbas (r.a.) said the following profound statement in explanation of the following ayah from the Speech of Allaah:

{"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those over their husbands) over them to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them"}[al-Baqarah; 228]

Explaining this verse, he said, "I verily adorn myself for my wife the same as she adorns herself for me. Also I would not ask her to fulfill all the rights which she owes me, so that it would become binding upon me to fulfill all the rights which I owe her."

The narration is Hasan. So it's a two way streak, it's a partnership, it isn't an employer/client relationship; as you would like something from her, you ought to make sure you're doing the same for her.

:w:
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Danah
02-13-2009, 05:43 PM
Many things are good on it
Actually I like it very much being single, I have a lot of free time that I can achieve many of the goals I have set in my life. I dont think that I will have such a free time when I get married
I have to enjoy every moment of my time now and use it very wisely before getting a lot of responsibilities with a family and a husband.
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BlissfullyJaded
02-13-2009, 07:26 PM
:sl:

It's not really an excuse about the 1 juzz thing. I think when you have kids, and they're always up to something mashaAllah, it becomes harder to concentrate on reading Quraan... It's not impossible if you make the extra effort, but this thread is about the joy of being single, and from that joy is being able to read Quran without any other thoughts about that your husband will be home in a couple hours and what is left to clean up / heat the food, and keep your kid(s) out of harming themselves, etc.

Although once the kids grow up, and the routines become better, it does become a lot easier...
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Soulja Girl
02-13-2009, 07:32 PM
:sl:

Being single iz kewl... :coolious: You get treated liike a kid and get whatever you want... :D You don't gotta act your age... =) Your parents shower you wiv loadza goodies and love of course! :statisfie And yeaaa, so on! But I'm sure being married iz kewl too... :hmm: Both probz have their advantages and disadvantages... :)
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BlissfullyJaded
02-13-2009, 07:34 PM
:sl:

^ Oh pshh... I wouldn't act my age if I were to get married. And he'll havta live with that. :skeleton:
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zanjabeela
02-13-2009, 08:28 PM
:sl:
Ok...I know the thing about not being able to do as much ibadah after marriage as when you were single sounds like an excuse. Also, perhaps quite a few people probably saw an increase in their ibadah after marriage. But, there are more than a few women (and men!) who've seen the amount of ibadah they do go down. Telling them, "Marriage is just an excuse" will probably tick them off beyond all reason, or sadden them to the depths of depression, because they know how much they want to be reading more Qur'aan, doing more dhikr, reading more Islamic literature. And they also know that the house must be dust-free, the food has to be salted just so, and the kids have to be bathed and in their PJs by the time hubby gets home. And they also know that once hubby gets home, he needs a bit of attention himself (he's a human being, not a machine, after all!). And perhaps they are juggling a few more tasks in the air: keeping the mother-in-law happy, babysitting the sister-in-law's kids, and conducting a part-time home business to augment the household income. Maybe these are all things that you and I don't think are necessary. But for that woman, in that situation, at that time...they are necessary. And that woman (or man!) knows that as soon as it's possible, she will be returning as much of her attention to Allah as she can, at least as much attention as she paid in her single days.

For her (or him!), these are not excuses. They are reasons.

And herein, I described some of the good things about being single: not being obligated to do more than you would like. Doing what you want. Putting yourself first. Of course, marriage has its own rewards: putting another being first is an incredible thing for which there is much personal and deeni reward. But, this thread is about the joys of singlehood...not the joys of marriage :)

:w:
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Cabdullahi
02-13-2009, 08:30 PM
marriage is cool....but if i was to get married then id have to stop playing video games,watch football on tv and play pranks :(................and i cannot leave my mum....no chance!
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Banu_Hashim
02-13-2009, 08:31 PM
Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

Only because usually those that really want to get married spend their single days wishing they were married and not getting themselves ready for things that come after it. If people educated themselves about marriage, from an Islamic perspective and from other variant perspectives as well such as psychological etc, as they would for any other thing in life, they can make it work out very well.

So it's how you utilize your time that can make it good or bad. If you spend your single days moping about how you're not married and aren't doing anything about it, then you're going to be very miserable. However, if you spent that time using your desire for marriage and companionship into proactively learning about marriage and training yourself for it, it's going to get good now and down the line Insha'Allaah. Personally, I hate being single, but I try not to let that get into the way of me doing things that I need to do and working my way towards a married life.
What he said. :D
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S_87
02-13-2009, 08:36 PM
Nice Hadith, i will always be pro-marriage. I'll keep that in mind inshaAllah.Any comment on the opening post?
there are a lot of good things about being single (like not having to deal with what is seemingly another species, or having to worry about someone else which somehow comes naturally) ...many are mentioned just like there are a lot of good things about being attached.
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bewildred
02-13-2009, 08:49 PM
Well, well, when you meet the right person. I mean the person you love and the one who has the qualities you love in a person and you marry her/him, you'd regret every second you lived away from her/him. El hamdulillah, I met this very special one.
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Faseeha
02-14-2009, 01:06 AM
Originally Posted by Najm
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Maybe not the right section. I have been reading so much about marriage. But until i do get married, is there anything good about being single?

Sometimes it seems a simple case of....... single people wanting to get married and........... married people wanting to get single.

I feel there is so much hype in getting married, and then not turning out the way you wanted it to be.

Please comment...

FiAmaaniAllah
:sl:

I think the answer to this question will vary from person to person, and depends on the situation they're in as well as their views and expectations from marriage and life. For example, one of the advantages of being single i would say is that you have freedom, which might decrease drastically if you're married, but then again that too depends on the situation, I know of some women who have really strict husbands, and they've got to report their every move to their husbands (whether i think that is right or wrong is another topic altogether) I also know of women who've been given more freedom after getting married, for example being able to study or work, which was not the case before marriage.

The things which I personally love about being single, not having to answer to anyone (except my parents), having so much spare time on my hands to be able to do the things i enjoy because i don't have a hubby and kids to take care off, or a house to clean, and food to cook. Also, i get time to do alot of self discovering and growth, and to obtain knowledge, which i might not have time for after marriage. I'm at a point or stage in my life where i enjoy having my freedom and lack of responsibility, but Insha'Allah when i do get married, I might get to a point where i'll enjoy the advantages of being married more then those of not being married.
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aminahjaan
02-14-2009, 01:16 AM
You can talk to yourself and sing without embarrassing yourself.
And eat like a wolverine
And you won't be self conscious the whole day
And you can make weird faces at yourself when you see a reflection haha
not that...I do that...
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Pomak
02-14-2009, 01:41 AM
You can't go out with your friends, when you want. Also you can easily get on "the blacklist" very easily. (ill spare you THAT story)
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crayon
02-14-2009, 09:18 AM
Originally Posted by Najm

Excellent post!! It made some sense, and i like it.....Love every stage!! So would you like to tell me some pros and cons???
The main advantage of being single is that you come first. Whether it's how to spend your time, money, chocolate, whatever. You do what's best for you. When you get married you have to take into consideration a whole other person, may sometimes have to force yourself to do things you wouldn't like otherwise.. And it all comes down to this one point, I think, having to "share" a life rather than have one on your own.

The main disadvantage of being single, is that it can get lonely at times. Yes, you've got friends and family and all those, but sometimes it isn't enough. Especially if you're in a society where everyone is with someone, and it's just you that's alone, it can be difficult. It's wanting to experience everything that goes on in your life with someone who always is and will be by your side, but not being able to.
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Danah
02-14-2009, 04:59 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
Both being single and being married have advantages and disadvantages.
The only way we can be truly happy is to love the stage of life we're currently experiencing.
You spend your single life wishing you were married, then when you get married, when the first couple of lovey dovey months are over, you start missing being single and independent.

Each part of your life is different, has different pleasures, different responsibilities, different disadvantages. But we have to live through every single one of those stages. If we're constantly rushing ahead to the next stage, or longing for the previous stage, you can never fully experience and live the stage you're currently at.

When you're a kid, enjoy being a kid, and live that stage of your life.
When you're an adult, enjoy being an adult, and live that stage of your life.

When you don't have a job, not having one, and live that stage of your life.
When you have a job, enjoy having one, and live that stage of your life.

When you're single, enjoy being single, and live that stage of your life.
When you're married, enjoy being married, and live that stage of your life.

The same reasoning can be applied to every single aspect of life. One stage isn't better or worse than the other, it's simply different.
I hope my ramblings made some sense to someone other than me..
very true....
Subhan Allah that just remind me the verse in Surat Al Anbiyaa
Man is made of haste

human nature like rush everything...:rollseyes
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noorseeker
02-14-2009, 06:14 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
The main advantage of being single is that you come first. Whether it's how to spend your time, money, chocolate, whatever. You do what's best for you. When you get married you have to take into consideration a whole other person, may sometimes have to force yourself to do things you wouldn't like otherwise.. And it all comes down to this one point, I think, having to "share" a life rather than have one on your own.

The main disadvantage of being single, is that it can get lonely at times. Yes, you've got friends and family and all those, but sometimes it isn't enough. Especially if you're in a society where everyone is with someone, and it's just you that's alone, it can be difficult. It's wanting to experience everything that goes on in your life with someone who always is and will be by your side, but not being able to.
lol. i need to find a hiding space
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Sarah9
02-14-2009, 06:50 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
Yes he was. As is Fethullah Gulen Hodja.

They are men who have devoted their lives to dawah though. Marriage would just be a constraint and tie them to this world rather than the hereafter.
It seems that until you find the right person, you wouldn't necessarily have to think of or treat yourself as "single" (or...someone who's sloppy or can do whatever they'd like, as opposed to a "responsible" person); you could think of yourself, and act, as someone who is preparing themselves, above anything else, for the hereafter. That way, if you're not meant to be with anyone, you won't have wasted a lot of your life energy anticipating something that was never going to happen. And if you do get married someday, you'll probably have developed more internal resources with which to handle being a spouse. It seems that focusing as much as possible on your spiritual, rather than your love, life would ultimately be what is most rewarding.

That's just my opinion, though...I've had bad experiences with guys. imsad (Actually, with people in general...but that's a different story.) And I often take my unopposed messiness for granted.
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S_87
02-14-2009, 08:08 PM
Originally Posted by aminahjaan
You can talk to yourself and sing without embarrassing yourself.
And eat like a wolverine
And you won't be self conscious the whole day
And you can make weird faces at yourself when you see a reflection haha
not that...I do that...
you can totally do all of those things :p
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-14-2009, 09:42 PM
hmm a lot of people seem to be under the impression that you cant be "yourself" anymore after marriage.


lol all im saying is im gnna say/act be the exact way i am after marriage, i know that for a fact. and hey i'll show it before marriage just so she can be ready, if she cant take/accept/like it thats her, and she/he aint for you.


marriage aint no ball n chain, its jus a whole loada gain :) if u do it for the right reasons
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Musaafirah
02-14-2009, 09:44 PM
My friend's uncles married with 2 kids and he's still as immature as ever. Thing is with girlies it ain't the same. Rah. I'll see if I can break with tradition and carry on being annoying..sheesh, I sound evil.
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-14-2009, 09:49 PM
Originally Posted by Musaafir
My friend's uncles married with 2 kids and he's still as immature as ever. Thing is with girlies it ain't the same. Rah. I'll see if I can break with tradition and carry on being annoying..sheesh, I sound evil.
define immature?
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
02-14-2009, 11:47 PM
Originally Posted by crayon
The main disadvantage of being single, is that it can get lonely at times. Yes, you've got friends and family and all those, but sometimes it isn't enough. Especially if you're in a society where everyone is with someone, and it's just you that's alone, it can be difficult. It's wanting to experience everything that goes on in your life with someone who always is and will be by your side, but not being able to.
Exactly..humans by nature are social creatures..so marriage and desire to have a companion is only natural and normal.
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Hussain
02-15-2009, 12:09 AM
Originally Posted by muslim sister)
Same here,maybe after marriage I will miss my singe days but for now I wish I would miss my single days
To be honest i personally think that 'its what you want to make of your marriage'. one day ill get married too inshallah.but for now i take everyday as it comes.
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
02-15-2009, 05:12 AM
:sl:

Quite in tune with this topic, I was listening to a lecture and was reminded about this thread whilst listening. The talk is called 'Boys and Girls' by Abu Eesa. It can be found here:

http://www.propheticguidance.co.uk/h...eesa_audio.asp

Very good talk :thumbs_up:thumbs_up
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Ummu Sufyaan
02-15-2009, 07:40 AM
:wasalamex
Originally Posted by Najm
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Sometimes the right person, may have the wrong families, i.e. like the spouses are cool with each other but parents are not or in the parents eyes theres always someone better :blind:etc...thats a different topic, lol i think im so against parents thinking they are right, maybe another thread? :-[ But no, i woundnt waste time at all :)
i think at the end of the day, if the couple are happy with one another and strive together to please Allah, then that is all sufficient. i dont know what you exactly you mean by there is always some better, but again, if you and your spouse are happy with one another, then why worry what others have to say. i mean if your family really didnt like them, then you wouldnt have married them, right?



Originally Posted by Faizah
I really don't see why you can't read even more than 1 juz a day when you're married. If people blame this on marriage, they're really just looking for excuses. I think we should start to wonder what's wrong with our marriages, if we are distracting each other to the extent that we don't even have time to read the book of Allaah. Just my two cents.
Originally Posted by Jawharah
:sl:
It's not really an excuse about the 1 juzz thing. I think when you have kids, and they're always up to something mashaAllah, it becomes harder to concentrate on reading Quraan... It's not impossible if you make the extra effort, but this thread is about the joy of being single, and from that joy is being able to read Quran without any other thoughts about that your husband will be home in a couple hours and what is left to clean up / heat the food, and keep your kid(s) out of harming themselves, etc.
Although once the kids grow up, and the routines become better, it does become a lot easier...
agreed with both of them :)


Peace....
Good point, about freedom and enjoyment. :D But i dont see how marriage can restict someone sooooo much. People have responsibility when they are single too, yes its a different kind but nevertheless. I am sure you can enjoy with your spouse too, if you get the right one. How much freedom does one want?
i know this isnt aimed at me, but Agreed. Surely the advantages of being single are directed in other ways when your’re married.
And hey, at the end of the day marriage is give and take no? sure you’re married and all, but it doesn’t mean you have to be around each other 24/7! I mean you can still see your friends, and do what you want when they’re not around or something, eg if hubbis/wifey arent around... sure not as much, but I guess in other ways this stuff can be replaced with something else. i would think its about adjusting, and setting your priorities, innit
So, each have their pros/cons. If being single means seeing friends more often, then being married means hugging your kid. What more could you want? What the heck, I wouldn’t replace my shaheed to be kid for no one!

And if being single means being independent, then being married, means you have something to share with someone and making your fellow Muslim happy! And what better than to make your spouse happy! ok i sound as cheesy as cheese cake :hmm:...and you know what, you are responsible when your're single as well, again, in different ways...

So, in ways where you have an advantage in being single, then you have another advantage in being married, only in a different way. And the same for the negative. The way you have a disadvantage in being single, then you have a disadvantage in being married, only in a different way too. you just have to take the good with the bad.


Interesting post, i just dont understand, as a single person you cant clean your own room. I dont see why you should be messy in the first place. Please do clean the room.

And when you do get married, i dont expect you spouse to clean after your droppings ( no pun intended) :D
this isnt intended at anyone in this thread, but I hear this stuff so many times, and I just cant sink my teeth into it. i mean how can you live in your own filth? what is so hard about cleaning up after your self? ^o)

So is there anything really good about being single?
you see your family all the time...which your probably not going to when you get married. well, if your a sister anyway...
as far as i can think, thats the only thing that i'll miss...
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noorseeker
02-15-2009, 08:11 AM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
define immature?
Making silly faces, and sounds, and saying funny things,

fightiing over who gets the sweets,

I do all these with my nieces and that, i aint going to change either,
marriage has to be fun,

I so know my mum is gonna tell me to behave infront of my future wifey , inshallah.

im a big kid at heart.
Reply

muslim sister)
02-15-2009, 12:28 PM
Originally Posted by Hussain
To be honest i personally think that 'its what you want to make of your marriage'.
Well,actually you are wrong,how can u say that?nobody would like to make their marriage miserable that they will miss their singe days.it is whether u want or not sometimes after being married u will miss your early state,it doesn't mean if u miss your single days,that u r fed up with marriage,it is silly that u think I want to make my marriage like that ^o)
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-15-2009, 02:14 PM
Originally Posted by nightstar
Making silly faces, and sounds, and saying funny things,

fightiing over who gets the sweets,

I do all these with my nieces and that, i aint going to change either,
marriage has to be fun,

I so know my mum is gonna tell me to behave infront of my future wifey , inshallah.

im a big kid at heart.

everything you described there isnt immature at all, its silly sweet :p

immature is a lack of understanding, not being "grown up", not being able to cope IMHO, lashing out and acting unco-operative, all that is immature !
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crayon
02-15-2009, 03:37 PM
Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

Quite in tune with this topic, I was listening to a lecture and was reminded about this thread whilst listening. The talk is called 'Boys and Girls' by Abu Eesa. It can be found here:

http://www.propheticguidance.co.uk/h...eesa_audio.asp

Very good talk :thumbs_up:thumbs_up
Wa alaykum asalam

Jazak Allah khair for sharing, very nice talk.
Missed some of the end though, my mom accidentally closed the window it had loaded in...:mmokay:
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Whatsthepoint
02-15-2009, 04:11 PM
Depends on the person and prior experience. Some people can't stand being single, some can't stand not being single, some are no longer single, but want to get back, some are single again, but hate it, some are not single anymopre and love it and some broke up with their spouse and are having the time of their lives.
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Amadeus85
02-15-2009, 04:26 PM
Life of single can be pleasure.
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-15-2009, 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by Aaron85
Life of single can be pleasure.
but pleasure derived from sin only brings emptiness
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Amadeus85
02-15-2009, 05:22 PM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
but pleasure derived from sin only brings emptiness
Hold on, I wasnt talking about sex :D

I mean that being in relationship is big responsibility, you must take care of your partner, consider her feelings and wishes. Now you are not alone, so your freedom is limited. You cant watch Champions League always, you cant play football with friends at any time, you cant surf net at any time. Thats why I treat it natural, I dont look for anyone, I count that I will meet the second half just like that, by predistination.
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IbnAbdulHakim
02-15-2009, 05:32 PM
Originally Posted by Aaron85
Hold on, I wasnt talking about sex :D

I mean that being in relationship is big responsibility, you must take care of your partner, consider her feelings and wishes. Now you are not alone, so your freedom is limited. You cant watch Champions League always, you cant play football with friends at any time, you cant surf net at any time. Thats why I treat it natural, I dont look for anyone, I count that I will meet the second half just like that, by predistination.
lol true i guess but if she helps you become a better person thats good right :), as long as she lets you be you
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Whatsthepoint
02-15-2009, 05:41 PM
Really, there's nothing singles don't have that non-singles do, except of course for some feeling of safety that not everyone craves for. Its a modern age, after all.
Reply

Musaafirah
02-16-2009, 11:21 AM
Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
define immature?
immature (not in a bad way) as in, he orders toys for his son, plays with it himself. Loves his games, and still has a carefee attitude...
Reply

MinAhlilHadeeth
02-16-2009, 11:45 AM
Originally Posted by Musaafir
My friend's uncles married with 2 kids and he's still as immature as ever. Thing is with girlies it ain't the same. Rah. I'll see if I can break with tradition and carry on being annoying..sheesh, I sound evil.
:salamext:

I beg to differ. Actually, I'm able to be myself more in front of my husband than anyone else (not saying I'm immature, but that I don't need to act like someone other than myself). With everyone else, there's always something I feel I should keep to myself. But if you find someone who appreciates you for who you are, you won't be afraid to be yourself, or to share anything with them.

I also don't understand why people make it out like considering your spouse's feeling is such a chore? Think about it. When you do something to please your loved ones, doesn't that bring you joy as well? The same applies with your spouse, if not more. This joy is infinitely increased if you also do it with the intention of pleasing Allaah, as you know you aren't waiting for reward from someone other than Allaah. Whether your spouse appreciates it or not, which inshaa'Allaah they will, Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala will reward you for even an atom's weight of good.

But, I have to say, there really is no point in spending your single days all glum and depressed. Be patient, Allaah does not burden a soul with more than it can handle. I know it's difficult when you don't know what the future holds, but make the most of your life as it is. Who knows? Maybe you'll never get married, maybe you'll die in one minute from now! So be thankful to Allaah for the blessings He has bestowed upon you now, and spend your time wisely. And Allaah Knows best.
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Musaafirah
02-16-2009, 11:57 AM
Originally Posted by Faizah
:salamext:

I beg to differ. Actually, I'm able to be myself more in front of my husband than anyone else (not saying I'm immature, but that I don't need to act like someone other than myself). With everyone else, there's always something I feel I should keep to myself. But if you find someone who appreciates you for who you are, you won't be afraid to be yourself, or to share anything with them.

I also don't understand why people make it out like considering your spouse's feeling is such a chore? Think about it. When you do something to please your loved ones, doesn't that bring you joy as well? The same applies with your spouse, if not more. This joy is infinitely increased if you also do it with the intention of pleasing Allaah, as you know you aren't waiting for reward from someone other than Allaah. Whether your spouse appreciates it or not, which inshaa'Allaah they will, Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala will reward you for even an atom's weight of good.

But, I have to say, there really is no point in spending your single days all glum and depressed. Be patient, Allaah does not burden a soul with more than it can handle. I know it's difficult when you don't know what the future holds, but make the most of your life as it is. Who knows? Maybe you'll never get married, maybe you'll die in one minute from now! So be thankful to Allaah for the blessings He has bestowed upon you now, and spend your time wisely. And Allaah Knows best.
Oh no, i didn't mean with the hubby, am hoping that I'll remain myself with my him insha'allah. I'm talking about with familia and everything. Seriously, they expect the married girls to suddenly change their tone of talking and sound more mature! D'you get me now?
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sevgi
02-16-2009, 04:59 PM
:sl:

I just remembered that a million posts ago, brother Najm had asked me a question regarding my post.

I am so not answering it now. It has lost it's meaning :)

Sorry bout that brother.

:w:
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Ansariyah
02-16-2009, 06:07 PM
I don't see why people think wen ur married u wont be able to play video games n do ur hobbies? Why shud one change themselves just cause ur married, unless ur marrying someone who doesn't really love u for who u are.
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Najm
04-05-2009, 06:09 AM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Its been a while since i posted on this thread!

Originally Posted by zanjabeela
:sl:
Ok...I know the thing about not being able to do as much ibadah after marriage as when you were single sounds like an excuse. Also, perhaps quite a few people probably saw an increase in their ibadah after marriage. But, there are more than a few women (and men!) who've seen the amount of ibadah they do go down. Telling them, "Marriage is just an excuse" will probably tick them off beyond all reason, or sadden them to the depths of depression, because they know how much they want to be reading more Qur'aan, doing more dhikr, reading more Islamic literature. And they also know that the house must be dust-free, the food has to be salted just so, and the kids have to be bathed and in their PJs by the time hubby gets home. And they also know that once hubby gets home, he needs a bit of attention himself (he's a human being, not a machine, after all!). And perhaps they are juggling a few more tasks in the air: keeping the mother-in-law happy, babysitting the sister-in-law's kids, and conducting a part-time home business to augment the household income. Maybe these are all things that you and I don't think are necessary. But for that woman, in that situation, at that time...they are necessary. And that woman (or man!) knows that as soon as it's possible, she will be returning as much of her attention to Allah as she can, at least as much attention as she paid in her single days.

For her (or him!), these are not excuses. They are reasons.

And herein, I described some of the good things about being single: not being obligated to do more than you would like. Doing what you want. Putting yourself first. Of course, marriage has its own rewards: putting another being first is an incredible thing for which there is much personal and deeni reward. But, this thread is about the joys of singlehood...not the joys of marriage :)

:w:
It seems like im hearing excuses! Maybe it would be less ibadah! But to be honest wouldnt someone find time throughout the day to make up for ibadah!! Its about planning your day! I even like doing certain chores you can to dihkr. You can wake up an hour earlier to start you day by reading the Quran! I dont think marriage restricts you from ibadah at all!

The thing about putting yourself, sounds great, its sounds like a good thing about being single, but then i think, if someone has the most amazing spouse, you wouldnt want to put yourself first! Cause you will want to share yourself with them!



Originally Posted by crayon
The main advantage of being single is that you come first. Whether it's how to spend your time, money, chocolate, whatever. You do what's best for you. When you get married you have to take into consideration a whole other person, may sometimes have to force yourself to do things you wouldn't like otherwise.. And it all comes down to this one point, I think, having to "share" a life rather than have one on your own.

The main disadvantage of being single, is that it can get lonely at times. Yes, you've got friends and family and all those, but sometimes it isn't enough. Especially if you're in a society where everyone is with someone, and it's just you that's alone, it can be difficult. It's wanting to experience everything that goes on in your life with someone who always is and will be by your side, but not being able to.

When you love that other person, you wouldnt care about yourself! You wouldnt want to leave them at all!! And you would love to do whats best for them! I would any.

Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
Exactly..humans by nature are social creatures..so marriage and desire to have a companion is only natural and normal.
Alhamdulillah

I think the best thing about single is the optimism that builds while waiting to get married! :rolleyes:

JazakAllah Khair for all the replies, i am very grateful!

FiAmaaniAllah
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Cabdullahi
04-06-2009, 04:46 AM
nobody really wants to stay single....you would want a life partner at some point.....but if these ladies are abolishing the PS3 then .....single it is!
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coddles76
04-06-2009, 04:59 AM
Originally Posted by Najm
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Maybe not the right section. I have been reading so much about marriage. But until i do get married, is there anything good about being single?

Sometimes it seems a simple case of....... single people wanting to get married and........... married people wanting to get single.

I feel there is so much hype in getting married, and then not turning out the way you wanted it to be.

Please comment...

FiAmaaniAllah
Besides freedom I can't really think of anything else but What I can find is NOT good about being single is that you will not have a companion to share your life with, a person who will help you through your battle in fulfilling your commitments to your creator, to fulfill half your Deen
and to find comfort in sharing your emotions.
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saba muslimah
04-06-2009, 05:27 AM
When you love that other person, you wouldnt care about yourself! You wouldnt want to leave them at all!! And you would love to do whats best for them! I would any.
Hhmmm Sound Nice
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saba muslimah
04-06-2009, 05:34 AM
Originally Posted by coddles76
Besides freedom I can't really think of anything else but What I can find is NOT good about being single is that you will not have a companion to share your life with, a person who will help you through your battle in fulfilling your commitments to your creator, to fulfill half your Deen
and to find comfort in sharing your emotions.

yep Agreed ...
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Faseeha
04-06-2009, 04:49 PM
:sl:

When being married means you'll have to sacrifice so much that you can't be happy anymore then yeah, its better to be single.

Alot of people live in a fantasy that once you find the right partner everything will just fall into place, reality isn't like that. There are more unhappy marriages out there then happy one's. You'd be surprised at the number of women being physically, mentally or emotionally abused. Men cheat without it even pricking their conscience. I won't even go into the damages that the husbands getting a second wife causes to the first one's well being. Lets not forget husbands who are always busy at work so that they have no time for their families. Those that are emotionally distant, or can't show affection.The list goes on, and on.

And in all the above cases I am talking of muslim men!!

I would think twice before marring anytime soon. I would love to complete half my Imaan, but if that means that my whole life will be ruined by some man's selfishness then I'd rather be single.
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Muezzin
04-06-2009, 07:53 PM
Is there anything good about being single?
There's more leeway to be stereotypically blokey.

And to think: 'Joint account? Whassat?'
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aamirsaab
04-06-2009, 08:59 PM
:sl:
It's a helluva lot cheaper!
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Ali.
04-06-2009, 09:06 PM
Originally Posted by aamirsaab
:sl:
It's a helluva lot cheaper!
Wa 'alaykum assalam,

If both are earning wages. ;)
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Shah4Justice
04-06-2009, 09:08 PM
:sl:
:smile: seems fun though, but 'tis a very very serious topic...i think
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Shah4Justice
04-06-2009, 09:16 PM
:sl:

the fun lies not in being single or married...its really how you spend that time.
while I am single, I dont long for the married life...meaning I dont really wish for it to come all ov a sudden...Allah has specified right time for every thing u c... even when my family talks about me getting married I just enjoy the "Talk Show" :smile: and yes, I do think how it would be with my life partner, how she would handle the life's challenges and how I would face them. How long will it take for us to understand each other and how many habits will be different from each other and how we would accept them and enjoy and laugh about things. how, when she is sad or worried, i would try to comfort her and vice versa...
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Re.TiReD
04-06-2009, 09:18 PM
In the name of Allah, the creator, the bestower


AssalamuAlaykum, just came accross this du'a, and thought some people might like it *smiles*

allahuma urzuqni zawjah/zawj taqiyah naqiyah baarah wari3ah tukrimuni fee deeni wa dunyay walaa tu' theeni fee deeni wa dunyay

Oh Allah grant me a wife/husband who is pious, pure, virtuous, devout, who will be generous to me in this world and the next and who will not harm me in this world and the next.

اللهم ارزقني زوجة تقية نقية بارة ورعة تكرمني في ديني ودنياي ولا تؤذيني في ديني ولا دنياي

Ameen.

C'mon people, get memorizing.
-----
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جوري
04-06-2009, 09:21 PM
lots O good things about being single, too numerous to count..problem is, if you are like most, you're always thinking about the next stage of your life that you end up missing out on where you are..

that lovey erotic marriage really lasts two yrs tops.. so it would be great if you have an excellent friend and companion in your partner.. (not the case for most people unfortunately) I have seldom met a completely in love couple of many yrs.. most people I have come across want a divorce around 3-5 yrs so if you can actually survive those, it is an achievement in and of itself ...


moral of the story is, don't spend too much time dwelling, since life is what happens to you whilst you are busy making other plans...

my two cents

:w:
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Shah4Justice
04-06-2009, 09:30 PM
:sl:

ummm one thing more... C its not only about spending the time in youth only...all those days that couples spend together actually turn into very sweet memories the very next moment..memories that u treasure when u are old..and then u talk about them sometimes.... and at times it would happen that both would be thinking about the same things...or finding similar solutions to a problem..
u must have noticed that i like to think "sweetness" in life rather than sulking about the bad things that happen to ppl...
my sumpathies definitely are with those who have suffered the bitterness of life...yes, honestly.. but y not put a smile on those faces by talking about good things...there are soooo many sources of getting bad news these days.."I just want every one to think and talk about happy stuff and spread smiles and warmth of affection and not the pain of despair.

I hope I didnt hurt anyone....if I did :muddlehea plz forgive me and gimme a biiiiiig smile :D
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