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deen_2007
02-13-2009, 12:02 AM
Salam

i wanted to ask anyone for help on what Islam says we can do in these situations?

If a Brother wanted to get married to this sister but his parents are refusing this marriage propasal only because she is not what they are looking for, ie her family not of high status or she isn't so beautyful, Is there anything he can do that would not make him commit sin by going against his parents?

the sister is practicing Islam, and everyone in her family are practicing muslims too. But what his parents have a problem with is the fact that her brother has gone down the wrong route and to them that means that if they get their son married to this family, their own extended family will say they didn't get their son married to a 'good' family.

the Brother himslef would like to marry this person but because he is the eldest son and he doesn't want to disobey his parents and make them upset, he is likely not to do anything about it, and refuse any proposals that come his way because he feels he cannot marry the person his parents chose for him.as she is going to be what they think is right and not what he thinks is right for him.

thank you for your help and advice,

wa'salam
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S_87
02-13-2009, 11:20 AM
if their reasons are superficial then it should be noted that a male does not need a walis approval for marriage
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noorseeker
02-13-2009, 11:54 AM
I hope it works out inshallah
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Pomak
02-13-2009, 11:58 AM
Sister this isn't so much about IF he can marry without his parents approval but rather how to convince the parents to drop their... objections?
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deen_2007
02-13-2009, 01:53 PM
thank you that anwered my question. so he doesnt need his walis permission.

can someone pls give me the link for any hadiths or anything that backs this up thank you
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sevgi
02-13-2009, 01:57 PM
I pray for the day when we are rid of cultural, national social and familial prejudice.
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BNDGR
02-13-2009, 05:10 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
I pray for the day when we are rid of cultural, national social and familial prejudice.
I couldn't have said it better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do families do this???
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sevgi
02-13-2009, 05:18 PM
Originally Posted by BNDGR
I couldn't have said it better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do families do this???
They don't know better. This is the way it 'was' and hence 'is' in their heads. Most of us are born to migrant parents. They can't help their traditionalist thoughts...and we can't help our 'newage' ones.

This is our test...but my kids are marrying into any background they like Inshallah.
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Vito
02-13-2009, 05:25 PM
Correct me if I'm wrong but, I don't think its even a sin in the first place. Sorry I have no hadith for this though. I personally think the son does not have to convince anyone at all honestly or prove anything to anyone. Sounds like two good people want to get married so, whats there to question? The fact that the son's family is worried about their 'status' or what other people think, shows that the fault is with them themselves, and not the girl's family. Whatever happens though, I wish you guys the best.
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Mikayeel
02-13-2009, 09:06 PM
Originally Posted by sevgi
I pray for the day when we are rid of cultural, national social and familial prejudice.
I am alongside u praying for the same!
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Zahida
02-13-2009, 10:01 PM
:sl::sl: I will join yourselves in that, i am so sick and tired of seeing this constantly................. I mention no names but had a student come to me yesterday and told me her parents are taking her to Pakistan in a couple of weeks and expect her to get marriedimsad she is only a baby herself and due to do her GCSE exams in a couple of months:raging: She could be something if her parents let her.................^o) When is this going to change?????

Sorry guys just releasing some of my pent up anger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-[:w:
Originally Posted by Mikayeel
I am alongside u praying for the same!
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deen_2007
02-14-2009, 12:45 AM
salam thank you all for your comments..

the problem even after knowing all this is that i guess he does not want to hurt his parents and feels if he does in some way he'll be sinful for going againts them.

the saddest thing is, being that person. where you are judged like you are not a 'person' and your family are so low. and to live with that feeling is a challenge.

make dua pls, salam
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