Seeking Feedback and Advice

[Sarah9]

Hello. My name is Sarah. I'm 19 years old. I first came to be interested in Islam four years ago, after I had a near-death experience. I became a Muslim this year.

I don't belong to a Muslim community--mostly because I don't know anyone in my area who's Muslim, and have never been a part of one before. I have some Muslim acquaintances online, though; all of them live far away from me.
I actually fell in love with one of them. He's the first person I've ever truly loved. He hasn't loved me back, though--largely, I think, because he appears to be bisexual or gay; a perpetual source of agony for me. He's been all I've had for the last couple of years--the only person I talk to, the only one I think about all the time, the only one I'd like to share my life with. He ended our correspondence about 10 months ago, and for 10 months I've been suffering from terrible depression. I've had no one to turn to for a long time. Lately, I've been crying constantly and have been thinking every day about committing suicide.

What would happen to me, in a spiritual sense, if I took my own life?

Also, how does Islam view homosexuality? Is sexual orientation determined partially, completely, or not at all by choice?

Most of all...I'm despondent. Mainstream society, in the US and maybe in most other places, too, seems to be so immoral and a-spiritual. Sometimes I feel as though I can't take the pain of living in the world as I've known it to be.

Does anyone here feel moved to offer feedback or advice about this situation, or about any of these issues? Responses of any kind would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

Thank you for listening; peace be upon all of you.

[Sarah9]

He's been very cold to me; whenever I think about it, the pain is overwhelming. Sometimes I want to forget everything about my old life and move somewhere far away. I'm pretty much alone in the world. I wouldn't be leaving very much behind.
Does anyone have any advice about starting over in a new place?

[bewildred]

Correct me please but homosexuality is haram when it's there's a sexual intercourse. If there's just this attraction that gay pple feel for pple of the same gender, is it considered haram???

[alcurad]

^true, although it is to be resisted, it's not unlike any other temptation in that regard.
and no, it's not necessarily eternal punishment for suicide, but it is a grave sin, the creator has not given us life to throw away. it's not meant to be without hardship either, which is why we make friends and families.

it's only natural for you to be depressed and upset, could you perhaps find a mosque/Islamic center? maybe you could meet the sisters there, even ones going through what you are going through..

may Allah grant us all strength and patience.

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[bell]

peaCE be with you

[kjra]

Assalamu-alaikum sister, i really do not know what to say. Im really sorry for what you are going through.
All i can say is that please do not think of committing suicide...as it is haraam [forbidden]. I know sometimes when we have problems in our lives....it becomes unbearable....but have faith and trust in Allah.

I can understand the feeling of lonliness and emptyness.....the only way to overcome that is through praying to Allah. Continue praying and do not lose faith in Allah.
Sister are there any mosques by you? if there is....why don't you go and try and meet some sisters there...? It may help you. Im sorry i know i havn't been of much help. take care sister.
ws

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Sarah9;

How are you today, please talk to us again, and never give up hope.

In the spirit of praying to a wonderful God.

Eric

[Vito]

Go back 4 years ago when you nearly died and looked into Islam. And now within the last 2 months, you converted. Think about why you wanted to become a Muslim. Use this as a starting point for a new life, not ending it! Forget the past. Forget the guy who never even liked you. Its not worth it. Don't let someone who doesn't care about you ruing YOUR life. This life is full of struggles and hardships but, it is important that you be strong and keep your head up and try to make the most out of it. Life is what you make it to be. Don't think by committing suicide you're taking the easy way out.

I don't know your situation at home, and with your family but, if you have no one to talk to, just log in to these forums and people will always be here. Or like the others above me suggested, try to find a mosque or some kind of place where Muslims meet and see what they can help you with. Whether you need advice, or just to let out some steam, continually come here and keep us up to date. Trust me it will help. Theres a lot of good people here.