husband and wife

[halloula]

:sl: i got a question it may be funny for some people but it is really a question that goes all the time in my mind.

how a husband should punish his wife if she does something wrong in his point of vue :D

please give me answers

:w:

[nazam786]

He should punish her with a miswak.

Just kidding. Hmm i don't know really.
A husband should not punish his wife unless she has done something really bad

[youngsister]

:sl:

Punish?

She is a woman not a child, how about talking to her?
Lack of communication is the biggest problem in marriage so sit down and talk like adults.

[Musaafirah]

^^Yup, there's nothing that can't be solved by an open and honest conversation.
(hmm, wonder where I got that from?)

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[sevgi]

:sl:

However she punishes him when he does something bad in her point of view.

Be nice and you shall be treated nicely. Only fair. If you are a woman who talks or complains too much...he's gna bash you in any chance he gets:p

[rozeena]

he should discuss it with her and make her understand.but the worst punishment my hubby could give me is not to talk to me imsadimsadimsad no that would be very hard lol

[halloula]

i dont have problem with my husband that could lead to punishment at the moment st least, but it's just a question that comes to my mind because a lot of women that i know tell me about home discipline between them and they husbands .One of my friends yesterday visited me ans she was talking about a set of rules that her husband set in the house and that when she breaks any of them she's punished and she was saying that allah (swt) has even said that in quran and that bring me the idea of this thread to ask how is that. But personally i do solve every thing with my husband by communication only one problem that i got it was carried for a while because of luck of contact but solved at the end.

:sl:

If you are a woman who talks or complains too much...he's gna bash you in any chance he gets:p

Really i do complain a lot but hamdulilah i didnt get bashed yet

[sevgi]

Really i do complain a lot but hamdulilah i didnt get bashed yet

I was joking sis :)

[halloula]

i know sis and i was joking too may allah protect all of us amine

[sevgi]

People are saying that communication ought to be what solves it. I agree with that to an extent, but what if the action taken by the wife (or vice versa) was such that it wouldn't be possible to solve it by communication? If a guy's wife were to upset him by doing something that he expressly forbids her from doing and she does it anyway, do you think he'd be in the mood for "talking" about it? Pfft, if it were me, I'd be annoyed and probably give her the cold shoulder for a while, until she realises that she's upset me. Refusing to share the bed is also another thing a guy might try, just to let her know that he is upset with her.

Really, who here honestly feels in the mood to "talk" and "communicate" when they are feeling annoyed/upset?

Nobody told you to talk about it in the heat of the moment, Alpha.

Obviously you would wait till the heat is off. Knowing men, he will probably scream at her when he finds out about her 'ill-doing' and then feel really bad about it later, at which point he will come to apologise and she too will apologise and the communication will proceed.

In my head anyway. I wouldn't know better. If I were the husband, I probably wouldn't scream. I don't think I know how to. :thumbs_do

[sevgi]

That's just it, though. In the heat of the moment, not talking about it and ignoring her would be my 'punishment'.

So you wouldn't even scream at her? You'd just stare blankly until she comes and says sorry? What if she is sorry when she comes upto you and tells you about what she has committed?

[syilla]

:salamext:

Actually in islam there are steps in bringing the wife back to senses... lol now i've too google :D

[sevgi]

Ideally, I'd be all forgiving and say "aww, it's okay".

But say it's something very serious that I've drilled into her mind that she must not to at any cost, yet she still goes ahead and does it? I'd be very annoyed and I'm sure others would feel the same way, if they were in the same situation with their wife/husband.

How would the annoyance manifest itself? Different for different people, I guess. Guys would generally tend to shout and women would display passive agression for a while (you know, pretend that everything is "fine", but act annoyed) then eventually they'd blow. :uuh:

If it were me, I'd try and avoid her as much as possible and yeah, I would feel compassion that she feels sorry over it and would go back and make up with her later.

Realistically speaking, both men and women would find their ways of "punishment", they just wouldn't think of it as being punishment.

You know, if a woman does something her husband is utterly opposed to, she is probably 'punishing' him for something he has done to upset her. If this is the case, she wouldn't be sorry and he'd get angry for no reason.

Hah.

[Eric H]

Hello Alpha Dude;

not talking about it and ignoring her would be my 'punishment'

A husband and wife were not talking after a row. But the husband needed the wife to wake him up in the morning. Rather than asking her he gave her a note saying, please wake me up at 5am, I need to catch a plane for a business trip.

The husband woke up at 9am and was furious with his wife for not waking him up.

However on his bedside table was a note from his wife saying, wake up it is 5 am.:D

These women they always have to write the last note, and have the last word.

Take care

Eric

[sevgi]

hello alpha dude;

a husband and wife were not talking after a row. But the husband needed the wife to wake him up in the morning. Rather than asking her he gave her a note saying, please wake me up at 5am, i need to catch a plane for a business trip.

The husband woke up at 9am and was furious with his wife for not waking him up.

However on his bedside table was a note from his wife saying, wake up it is 5 am.:d

these women they always have to write the last note, and have the last word.

Take care

eric

Oh zing!

I wish I could do that. I always feel bad. I've never held a grudge. I wish I could. I do.

[sevgi]

^^ I just realised how adorable that is. She actually woke up and wrote a note in the present tense. Gnaww.

[S_87]

what kind of 'wrong'? depending on the 'wrong', the Quran addresses this:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great.
4:34

*oh this doesnt mean men can beat their wives up and the following links explain this ayah inshaAllah*
http://tafsir.com/default.asp?sid=4&tid=11037
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/98624/...20women%20beat

[alcurad]

stay away, some shouting is good at times, then make up afterwards.
that, and tickle her..

[ayesha309]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl8g8S6F3do
Sheikh Arifi explaining it

[youngsister]

:sl:

Alpha I am aware that of course the wife or husband wouldnt want to talk at the time but after they will need to resolve their issues rather than ignore each other forever or be foolish towards each other.

[Sitara]

:sl:

Just like the information you have provided here I came across a website which is totally dedicated to sisters and contains lots of useful information as well as inspirational content for the sisters. The website is www.supermuslimwoman.com

[Zahida]

:sl: The cold shoulder/not talking to her technique from a womans point of view just makes the situation worse. You need to be able to tell her what she has done wrong and be able to deal with it there and then......

An example from experience i did something my husband did not approve of but he would not talk about it or discuss it and didn't talk to me for a few days. Then it was forgotten. Then when there is another arguement that issue is brought up because it was not resolved in the first place. Men are quite stubborn.................................

Also many marraiges in trouble are down to the man (sorry guys!!!!!!!!!!)

Discipline is something that comes from knowing your duties as a husband/wife and fullfilling them. Discipline is something that as a teacher i practise on my students and as a mother on my children..........:D:w:

[halloula]

i agree with you zahida on every single word you say. But there are some couple that agree on running a home discipline for both of them as my friend and her husband she has rules as well that runs at home and if he breaks them she get angry and dont talk to him and he will obviously knows why she did that because they already talk about it and everyone know what he should do. Same her husband. Me personally i dont agree on running any discipline at home with my husband because life between couple should be sharing and if anyone does mistakes it should let it to cool down for couple of hours if men should go have a coffee with friends or something, women should see what duties she has to finish or go have a shower until the heat is off talk about it later and try to solve the problem. My husband when he gets upset of a mistake i did he would talk to me but he will be soooooo cold he will be always saying i dont have anythhing to say or if he bother to talk he will talk seriously and only about serious matter and he wont be aas usual a happy guy, But as i know him very well i mould say what's wrong and he will tell me why he's upset and try to
solve it if i'm being stubborn he would continue acting the same until i realize what i did.

[Intisar]

Punish? The wife and husband are supposed to be on the same level, what's this punish talk?

Just be honest with each other, there shouldn't be a need for any sort of punishment in a marriage.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

I do it in 3 steps!

1. A dose of the eery total silence treatment..... for a day...
2. A dose of the hysterical overchatty mood.... which is talking for a whole day non stop... about things that don't make sense
3. shed b so confused that she never repeats the mistake agian...

[Vito]

Not married yet but, from what I've seen, marriage is always a 'work in progress' I guess you could say. Of course, no one does mistakes right? BUT, in that rare case someone does a mistake (wife or husband), I think its important that the situation never gets out of hand. Its easy for people to get over emotional when they are angry and people never tend to think ahead or even think at all. I guess it would be hard to say since I'm not in that situation but, like others have said, I think taking time out to have a good talk with the spouse would be the best. No coat hangers, electrical wires, fan blades, nintendo systems, etc. etc. being thrown around

. Just a good, nice talk. Were all adults. Unless of course I get cheated on. In that case, she better be wearing her running shoes!

[-Elle-]

Oh, wow interesting thread...o.k. I probably wouldn't punish my husband for doing something wrong, and wouldn't expect him to punish me.

The way I see it is plain and simple; if you're husband/wife does something that upsets you,and they KNEW doing that *thing* would upset you/get you angry, let them know.

Women; don't turn and twist around what's upsetting you; be direct, and if someone tells you"just forget about it.." DONT. It will stay in your heart and you need closure and understanding of your spouse's actions.

Communication is definetly good advice, but it's more how you communicate that makes a real difference in resolving a problem.

I once heard this piece of advice: When communicating with someone about a problem, don't say " you did this and THIS and this, I can't believe you...

Rather, use I

So the conversation would go something like, "I feel upset, I am frustrated with the situation, I need to understand WHY..."

Might sound lame but I thought it was actually a pretty good way of communicating. Usually,when people argue, they put the blame on each other. Focusing on what's hurting you and on how you feel can get the message accross to your partner in a less aggressive and clearer manner.

So yeah, that's my 2 cents:)

[saba muslimah]

oh...
punish?? why? Its not only Sisters fault...well In that case (If wife going opposite to the islam n Suunah..then he should gv punish her or May b simple & exteremset is "Don't tok wid wife" dats better right way. :-)
I agree wid syilla..!

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you all;

Marriage can be tough, and the longer you are married the harder you need to try to keep it together.

The longer you are married the more chances you have of upsetting your partner, there are so many conflicting needs in a marriage. Suffering with PMT. Or being on the receiving end every month is a challenge. Lack of money, lack of time, being tired, demanding kids, conflicting ways of dealing with the kids, the in laws, there are so many pressures on a marriage that cause problems, time after time, year after year.

These things can drive a wedge between you, and the marriage ends in divorce; or you find ways to cope with these recurring problems time after time. I seem to remember in the UK the average length of a marriage is just 11 years, so many kids grow up knowing different step parents; that is so sad.

Talking about the problems is good, forgiving is even better, without forgiveness the marriage cannot grow. Even if it seems that just one of you is doing most of the forgiving, you must persevere for love to find a way. The test to see if you have forgiven your partner is when you have an argument, do you keep bringing up stuff that happened years ago?

We still do things that upset each other; I have known my wife 25 years this week, the first 25 years have been a challenge, we are slowly changing, maybe if we have another 25 years we shall get a few things right.

I became a Christian about ten years ago; and my wife became a Christian seven years ago. This has also caused conflicting needs over the last few years, gradually we are coming to the understanding that we both need to put God first.

In the spirit of praying to a merciful and forgiving God,

Eric

[Vito]

I don't really know the statistics and all but, that is a problem that I see and hear happening more often in todays world. People are quick to leave each other rather than work things out. I see so many single people with kids. Not sure whether they were married at one point or not but, its just sad. Even back home its starting to become a lot more common.

[innocent]

I only read the main post and a few answers.
As a lot of others have said talking about it is what would get to the root of the problem, not dishing out punishments.

[Zahida]

:sl: Brother kai you are so right, i have been in that situation so many times, the threats i will pack my bags and go i will divorce you blah blah blah because you know what????? Men are cowards they cannot admit that when they are in fault they just cannot do it why????????

I do not intend any hurt by my comment but generally have found that men are not really very good at apologising or admitting to something when they are at fault. My husband being one of those ...............:w:;D

I don't really know the statistics and all but, that is a problem that I see and hear happening more often in todays world. People are quick to leave each other rather than work things out. I see so many single people with kids. Not sure whether they were married at one point or not but, its just sad. Even back home its starting to become a lot more common.

[Güven]

Call the mother

[Nájlá]

hahahaha i could imagine that ;D


Lock her in the room....jus for 2 minutes and u'll see how she says sorry to u the next minute and be's all nice :D no really that would work. :p


ladies dont jump on me...

[-Elle-]

Call the mother

LOL!!!I am loving the smiley!!!

:sl: Brother kai you are so right, i have been in that situation so many times, the threats i will pack my bags and go i will divorce you blah blah blah because you know what????? Men are cowards they cannot admit that when they are in fault they just cannot do it why????????

I do not intend any hurt by my comment but generally have found that men are not really very good at apologising or admitting to something when they are at fault. My husband being one of those ...............:w:;D

I AGREE.AGREE.AGREE. Men have the hardest time admitting they are wrong, even when the situation is CLEAR.

Now of course some women too have the same problem, but I can honestly say, by personal experience, that men are more apt to push on a matter even when they know they are wrong. Why do I believe this? Most men,(teachers,clients,classmates,family members...etc) behave like this! Even if you prove to them that they are mistaken,they will either brush off the subject(yet not admit they are wrong), or get angry.

This can be due to excess pride, or them being too stubborn. although, I know that on my side(please, insh'Allah the bros won't get offended, I am not speaking of all men of course) that arab men would not admit they are wrong to a woman. They just, won't. So,coming back to the main point, whether you are a woman or man(:D), if you're wrong and you know
you're wrong, admit to it, no matter how embarassed you might be afterwards.

I myself probably befit well(hm..more or less) the traits I gave men here(lol) yet, if I am mistaken, I admit to it right away( and at times I had caused a pretty big scene, only to be proven wrong) I apoligized and said I was wrong and we laughed about it afterwards although,in the heat of the moment, we were truly angry(and if it were a more serious situation, the other person would've probably cooled off seeing you admit to your fault).

Honestly, this is the only mature way to act.

[Cabdullahi]

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

[-Elle-]

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

?? lol, brother are you serious?

If a woman does that then No, her actions should NOT be condoned, but I doubt an intelligent, smart and respectable woman would use her husband's rightful actions and maturity( i.e, admitting to his mistake.) as blackmail or reveal her husband's mistake to the world. She IS his wife, he IS dear to her, why would she do such a thing? Do you honestly believe women to be that spiteful???:confused::confused::confused:

To resolve a problem, both sides need to be in agreement. A man/woman denying their error will lead absolutly no where, especially if they know they are wrong.

Anyway, I won't be arguing this any further for I believe to have made my point clear enough.

[Zahida]

:sl: Not necessarily Junior. Not all women are like that very few disclose things about their spouse. However it would take alot for a woman to have to do that. For me it was the last resort. I tried to solve things with my husband and my husband alone..............

Yes women can be manipulative but so can men. They will also find something to use against you...............

Men have more superiority than women constantly remind us of that!!!:hmm::w:

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

[halloula]

i agree with you zahida men ty to find any weak point that the womean have to use it against them .women they dont want anything from this life except being happy and have peacful life

[Zahida]

:sl: True the Koran orders every man to treat his wife with love and respect!!!!!!!:w::sunny:

i agree with you zahida men ty to find any weak point that the womean have to use it against them .women they dont want anything from this life except being happy and have peacful life

[Sahabiyaat]

^ men not admitting they are wrong comes back to the way women act....for example if a man admits to wrong doing, then the woman will pick up on that and use it habitually either as a way of getting something she really wants (a form of blackmail),to use the husband's hiccup to win future arguments......or even worse revealing the shameful information to the masses to ridicule

so what if we men conceal our mistakes?!?.......women are very manipulative and are very dangerous creatures in my eyes.....reason being that they are the only species that ply trade on man’s greatest weakness


peace sisters

Lord have mercy, finally i know why men never admit their mistakes! So thats what you think!

This is how i would react if my husband admitted to a mistake.

1) All my anger would immediately go, or slowly.
2) I would become relaxed and happy that the tension between us is over
3) and i would forget all about it!

I would rather keep it in my heart if he did not admit to the mistake!

as for the topic; punishemnt? if my husband stopped speaking to me, that would be the worst punishemnt for me.When your upset, just say it.dont mope around making the other person more confused, it just creates more tension, more misunderstandings and becomes a bigger mess.Trust me, in any relationship, when you just say what on your mind, clarigy and discuss it, and if need be, apologise, problems over!

[tresbien]

Alhamdulliah i am a kindhearted man.Some men and women are nice to strangers or friends when they r at their home they display differnt unusual behaviour.Their friends praise them outside and their spouses are punished inside.

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

Lord have mercy, finally i know why men never admit their mistakes! So thats what you think!

This is how i would react if my husband admitted to a mistake.

1) All my anger would immediately go, or slowly.
2) I would become relaxed and happy that the tension between us is over
3) and i would forget all about it!

I would rather keep it in my heart if he did not admit to the mistake!

as for the topic; punishemnt? if my husband stopped speaking to me, that would be the worst punishemnt for me.When your upset, just say it.dont mope around making the other person more confused, it just creates more tension, more misunderstandings and becomes a bigger mess.Trust me, in any relationship, when you just say what on your mind, clarigy and discuss it, and if need be, apologise, problems over!

:salamext:

I totally agree with you, on everything you said. That's how I'd react in both the situations you've described.

Secondly, all these generalisations are quite unfair - to both men and women. 'Most men are like this...', 'Most women are like this...'. How about you wait and see what person you end up with, and treat them as an individual? And to the people who are already married, I can assure you that not all men/women are like that. We can only really say 'most' when we've dealt with all men or women, or we have solid evidence that proves that. And I don't think the limited socialisations we've experienced counts as solid evidence. Allaah Knows best.

[God-is-great]

Alrighty!
Wow, this is a very interesting topic.

Ok so this is how I would handle the situation. If my wife had done something that I had forbidden her to do, I would first ask her why she had done it. There’s a slight chance that she did it cuz of what I had done. Maybe I did something to upset her and she did it to get my attention. Allahu a3lam

So anyways, after asking her, I would try my best to be reasonable and understandable. And hopefully inshallah after our little chat and making up, things would turn to normal and this little incident would be forgotten.

[nms]

i think a man and wife should talk about what borthers them both, i also think that they should pick and choose thier battles not fight over all