big problem in my marriage, help

[AnonymousPoster]

Here it goes, I was married in Nov 06. Right now my husband and I are not together, still married though. When we had gotten married it was against parents wishes, to make that part of the story short my family forgave us and everything was ok, for the time being, but soon after our marriage things began to fall apart, see I got pregnant and my husband was not acting like the way a man should with his wife. So I left him when I was about 4 months in my pregnancy, I went home to my parents. Which by the way they live in the us and I was in Egypt at the time, but anyways, I still tired to make my marriage work, but my husband was being selfish. Soon I had a baby boy and my marriage was still not so good. To make this all short. The situation I am in now is that, my husband has disrespected my father a number of times, but my father still for gave my husband. Well now my father has no more remorse for my husband because he did it to him quite a few times. My husband now is in the state that he has sent money for his son, but after one year of not. He also sent a letter that if I were to go back to him that I could travel as needed with taking his son. He wants to work things out but my family (father) has tired with him and my husband every time disrespected him. Well now my father is against working it out so are his parents, I am having a hard time trusting him not to hurt me sense he has before, my son is in the middle of this. I do not know what is wrong from right in this situation. I love my husband and want a family but I love my father, he was there for me when my husband wasn’t. In the Muslim religion, the husband is suppose to treat his wife with kindness and look after her, the wife should listen to her husband, and treat him with the same. I treated him so well, and he was not good to me. Now he says he was wrong that he loves me and he will show me for starters he sent me money for me and his son he sent the paper that states me and him could travel when needed (his son needs permission to travel from the father) this paper gives me the right to travel and take his son as I need. But see my father now says he will have nothing to do with me if I go. Help I don’t know what to do.

[Dawud_uk]

:sl: sister,

it is a difficult dilema and no one here is an alim or alima to give you an official answer so what we can give is only advice so here is mine...

i would give your husband another chance, if you are still married to him then obey him and respect him, and try to change him if you can to practice the deen more and not backbite and attack his brother in islam (your father).

i have met brothers who have had much worse problems at the beginnings of marriages and worked them out, so give it another chance if you think you can trust him.

finally... is he practicing islam fully? if he is then it will be much easier to trust he will not do haram things again like backbiting but if he isnt then you will have to judge things based on what you know of his character.

finally... remember everyone makes mistakes, Allah is the most forgiving and merciful but he also shows forgiveness and mercy to those who show it to others.

:sl:

[nazam786]

When you got pregnant you husband acted like he didnt care? I mean that should have been 1 of his biggest joy in his life. specially when you know you have a kid on the way. He should be treating you nicely and care about you, Rather than acting as if he doesnt care.

You should try to give him another chance and see hows things go.

We can only pray for things to get better. Inshallah everything would be better for you like you want it to be.

[MO783]

:sl:

May Allah make it easy for you Inshallah

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[sevgi]

:sl:

If you give your husband another chance, your father's heart will melt with time and he will forgive you, for his grandson at least.

If you don't give your husband another chanve, you may lose him and the only opportunity to mend things forever. Your son may never forgive you for not trying once again and for bringing him up without his biological father.

If you believe with all your heart that your husband will be bad to you again, don't go back. Only go back if you trust him whole heartedly coz coming back to your dad won't be so easy this time.

As bro Alpha said, do lots of istihara. It will put your mind and heart at ease inshallah.

:w:

[nms]

thank you for all the good advice. what could i ask of my husband to prove and show me that he will not hurt me again, i mean he has told me, but is there any proof i can request?

[tresbien]

My husband does not like anything relating to my parents. He has had problems with my mother and they have had misunderstandings. Is it right for him to delete my parents from his life? And what are his duties towards my parents?

This situation has caused problems within our marriage and my health and I can\\\'t endure it anymore. I need to resolve this conflict. Please help me.
Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will ease your suffering and increase you in patience until your situation is eased. We also ask Allah to increase your reward for trying to be dutiful to your parents and obedient to your husband for where there is conflict in the family there is also a great trial for its members. Know that Allah has established the rights of each and every family member and for each his duties and responsibilities so that harmony will prevail.

Since you did not provide any specific details about the problem between your husband and your parents, we can only provide a generalized response. Surely you have the right to visit your parents and to extend to them every courtesy due to them, and they have a right to visit you in your home and be received with courtesy and respect.
However, your parents have no right to interfere in your marriage, to encourage you to deny your husband his rights, or to support you in any matter contrary to Sharia law.

According to Islamic principles, matters of conflict between Muslims should be resolved through mutual consultation and with consideration to everyone’s rights and in a way that is pleasing to Allah. In a word, Muslims are to show kindness and respect to one another if there is a disagreement, especially in family relations. If the parties cannot resolve the matter themselves then it is commendable to seek outside advice or consultation from one’s elders, other family members, or persons in authority who may be influential in finding a satisfactory solution.

By no means should conflicts extend to point of doing harm to one’s health; this is not beneficial to anyone, harms marital relations, and undermines the foundation of family life.

By all means discuss this matter frankly and with kindness with your husband and with your parents, informing them of their religious duty to resolve conflicts lovingly and to heal hurt feelings in an Islamic way.

Also, it would be helpful when you speak with them to mention Allah’s name often for it serves as a reminder for the believers of their duty to Allah and to one another.

May Allah bless the peacemakers and those who strive to bring accord where there is discord. We pray that Allah will establish lasting peace and joy to your home, and restore you to good health.
islamweb

[tresbien]

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

Go back to your husband and please u parents.Listen to me my brothers . if u sister left her house and told u i would divorce my husband, do not help her nor listen to her request, she will come back to him and place in you in an embarassed situation with him and this is will be ingrained in his mind that u want to destroy his family.Whereever he sees , he will remember u interference and your curiosity.

[sevgi]

My husband does not like anything relating to my parents. He has had problems with my mother and they have had misunderstandings. Is it right for him to delete my parents from his life? And what are his duties towards my parents?

This situation has caused problems within our marriage and my health and I can\\\'t endure it anymore. I need to resolve this conflict. Please help me.
Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah and ask His peace and blessings upon His Prophet Muhammad, his family and his companions.

Dear Sister, we pray that Allah will ease your suffering and increase you in patience until your situation is eased. We also ask Allah to increase your reward for trying to be dutiful to your parents and obedient to your husband for where there is conflict in the family there is also a great trial for its members. Know that Allah has established the rights of each and every family member and for each his duties and responsibilities so that harmony will prevail.

Since you did not provide any specific details about the problem between your husband and your parents, we can only provide a generalized response. Surely you have the right to visit your parents and to extend to them every courtesy due to them, and they have a right to visit you in your home and be received with courtesy and respect.
However, your parents have no right to interfere in your marriage, to encourage you to deny your husband his rights, or to support you in any matter contrary to Sharia law.

According to Islamic principles, matters of conflict between Muslims should be resolved through mutual consultation and with consideration to everyone’s rights and in a way that is pleasing to Allah. In a word, Muslims are to show kindness and respect to one another if there is a disagreement, especially in family relations. If the parties cannot resolve the matter themselves then it is commendable to seek outside advice or consultation from one’s elders, other family members, or persons in authority who may be influential in finding a satisfactory solution.

By no means should conflicts extend to point of doing harm to one’s health; this is not beneficial to anyone, harms marital relations, and undermines the foundation of family life.

By all means discuss this matter frankly and with kindness with your husband and with your parents, informing them of their religious duty to resolve conflicts lovingly and to heal hurt feelings in an Islamic way.

Also, it would be helpful when you speak with them to mention Allah’s name often for it serves as a reminder for the believers of their duty to Allah and to one another.

May Allah bless the peacemakers and those who strive to bring accord where there is discord. We pray that Allah will establish lasting peace and joy to your home, and restore you to good health.
islamweb

Did you quote this from somewhere? You aren't married and you aren't a female either. :hmm:

[Hafswa]

Did you quote this from somewhere?

Looks like a reference from a post somewhere else...
Good advice though:sunny:

[tresbien]

islamweb

[layla is here]

Go back to your husband. your family will understand eventually. Try your best not to have conflicts arise again. You can change your husband behaviour with time inshaAllah.

[AnonymousPoster]

i talked to my father and told him im thinking of giving my marraige a chance again. he was not happy at all and said he will have nothing to do with me. im really upset. but i do not want my marriage to fall apart. i have been a year and half away from my husband, he has not seen his son yet, thats killing me i feel so bad. i also feel that i have showen my husband that when you teat someone bad their is a point that they will not take it any more. i feel like he learned from his mistake. but what if i go to him and he does me wrong again. then what? i have to make sure he doesnt hurt me again, but how

[Zahida]

:sl: May Allah ease your affairs sis. iould advise you as the above for you to pray istikhaara and follow your instincts..........

Sis there is no gaurantee that your husband will not hurt you again. This is a chance that you have to take if you wish to do so. It is so sad when things get out of control like this and women are forced to choose between their parents and spouse i really feel for you also you have brought your son up for the last year or so by yourself. You will take himand go to your husband InshaAllah things will work out for you, but if they don't then what??? Sis as a mother i know that you will just hurt more for your son more than you do now...............

Whatever choice you make please make sure you are ready to face the situation however it arises. Allah show His Mercy and Compassion on you and Guide you the right way. Ameen...........:w::D

i talked to my father and told him im thinking of giving my marraige a chance again. he was not happy at all and said he will have nothing to do with me. im really upset. but i do not want my marriage to fall apart. i have been a year and half away from my husband, he has not seen his son yet, thats killing me i feel so bad. i also feel that i have showen my husband that when you teat someone bad their is a point that they will not take it any more. i feel like he learned from his mistake. but what if i go to him and he does me wrong again. then what? i have to make sure he doesnt hurt me again, but how

[nms]

im sorry but what do you mean by "Sis as a mother i know that you will just hurt more for your son more than you do now..............." for some reson i dont really understand. you think i should give it a chance?

[nms]

thank you for your advice and honesty.

[nms]

dawud_uk,if you dont mind my asking but what kind of problems had you seen befor that were worse then mine.
thank u for your advice again,

[Zahida]

:sl: Sorry i have taken my time to reply. Sis i mean no bad feelings for you i sincerely wish and pray for you that Allah helps you to solve this situation you are facing, what i mean is that your son does not know his father. They have never met.

I sincerly hope that your husband and son have a beautiful relationship. Ameen. However if the situation does not resolve then you would have introduced your son to his father and your son will feel hurt..........that is worse. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting anything to you to go to him or not is a choice that you have to make by yourself.

InshaAllah Allah will shower you with His Mercy and Blessings and you will be reunited with your husband and live with each other with love and compassion. Ameen.:peace::w:

im sorry but what do you mean by "Sis as a mother i know that you will just hurt more for your son more than you do now..............." for some reson i dont really understand. you think i should give it a chance?

[AnonymousPoster]

i was online with my husband, my father shut my computer off and began to tell me, that i am wrong and that i should not be talking to him because of everything that has happen. When i got back online to talk to my husband, i fealt as if he didnt know or care for what he put me in with my family. i feel really bad for what is happening. i love my husband. i really dont have a clue what is right from wrong right now, i cant seem to make anyone understand how it feels to have a child from your husband and be forced to make a choice.
:cry:

[nms]

i cant handle all this.

[saba muslimah]

May Allah ease your affairs sis. iould advise you as the above for you to pray istikhaara and follow your instincts..........Whatever choice you make please make sure you are ready to face the situation however it arises. Allah show His Mercy and Compassion on you and Guide you the right way. Ameen...........

hhmm ...right
Well...sis Do ur best
May Allah make it Easy 4 u

[Vito]

Its pretty hard to say. Doesn't seem like your husband was fit for marriage to begin with.

As far as my opinion goes, I think its only fair to give him one last chance, or at least go and introduce the little guy to his father. Its possible he changed but, I don't think talking on the phone or computer will help you to see the truth. Just sit down and really try to explain to your dad you want to do this for the sake of your son and at the same time, not lose your relationship with your dad. If you come to the conclusion that all the talk over the computer/phone was just an act and that your husband hasn't matured and doesn't want anything to do with you or your/his son, than I think you need to move on and try focusing on your son's future. InshaAllah whatever decision you make it will all work out for you, your son, and your family.

[Zahida]

:sl: You say that when you went online he did not show any remorse or care for what he has put you and the family through.......... Tell me sis. The year and a half you have been apart has he supported you and his child?

I feel that you must do what your head tells you. Not follow your heart. Pray as much as you can sis and make dua that Allah guides you....... Ameen. I feel terrible for you, it is difficult when you are put in a situation where you have to make choices, and are doubtful.............. No-one can tell you what is going to happen, you won't know or have the answers unless you go to your husband. If you don't go you will be thinking what if. It is hard sis. May Allah guide you. Ameen.:w::sunny:

i was online with my husband, my father shut my computer off and began to tell me, that i am wrong and that i should not be talking to him because of everything that has happen. When i got back online to talk to my husband, i fealt as if he didnt know or care for what he put me in with my family. i feel really bad for what is happening. i love my husband. i really dont have a clue what is right from wrong right now, i cant seem to make anyone understand how it feels to have a child from your husband and be forced to make a choice.
:cry:

[nms]

the past year and a half his mother got our son some clothes, he just begain to not to long ago send me and his son money, but all the money i put it towards our son not me, he also got his son clothes. i had writen in my post that his father after about one year begain to send for his son, but his mother did get the clothes befor. i hope this makes sence.

[halloula]

listen to your heart sister i got exact the same problem except i didnt have kids and i went to my husband and now i'm living sooooooooo happy it's the best days of my life.
If you sure that your husband loves you and you do love him and got a son in the middle i think you should try to give him chance let your heart guide you and you will be happy inshallah

[nms]

listen to your heart sister i got exact the same problem except i didnt have kids and i went to my husband and now i'm living sooooooooo happy it's the best days of my life.
If you sure that your husband loves you and you do love him and got a son in the middle i think you should try to give him chance let your heart guide you and you will be happy inshallah

was your husband always good to you. i mean see my husband did me wrong befor and that is what hard on me. i wish thier was somthing i could do that would just get thrown in front of me an this would be my solution. i am praying and praying for something but nothing is changing with my father, we keep fighting becase i will not do devorce and he teold me to go to him but he wouldnt be there, and the thing is i was in the sitution befor with my father and husband, i just want to be sure that my husband would take our son from me if things do not work out, i want to know how i can be sure he will do me right this time. i want i want. somtimes i feel like i am being selfish because our son is in the middle.. alhaduolelallah for everything. i wish i had some one with me to be there for me. i cant even talk to anyone in my commuity here because everyone knows my family.. i have to keep it to myself which i guess is best so people dont need to know. i wish i make up my mind soon.. how did you leave your fathers house halloua?

[halloula]

my husband was good to me when we got married and he treated me with love but after wproblems started with my father he turned not to understand me and fight with me all the time over everything and nothing and then he left the place where we live. my problems started with my dad and he wanted me to divorse i was looking toward the problem as id it will never end but i was praying i done istikharah and the need salat (haja) and allah helped me. How i left my husband send me a ticket and i left after i try to make up things between him and my father. and hamdoulilah everything is working properly.Hope allah ease everything for you sister

[nms]

well when you made things better with your father and husband, did your husband and father talk or did you just talk to your father.
my sitution is different, my husband and i were ok till well, problems with himself started, he had done me wrong, then would try to make things better, but things between him and my father were good for a short time, now not. my father will not talk, after all that happen. i have to choose beween them. i wish i could talk to you alone, i need to talk with some one, i pray and pray but dont see a change.

[halloula]

my husband and my father doesnt talk anymore they just talk the day i was leaving and he told him to take care of me. and me going to my husband was a choice for me too i choose to be with my husband because i know i couldnt leave without him i was going to death

[nms]

my husband and my father doesnt talk anymore they just talk the day i was leaving and he told him to take care of me. and me going to my husband was a choice for me too i choose to be with my husband because i know i couldnt leave without him i was going to death

that is really kind of your father. i wrote to you on hotmail. please read it

[nms]

i feel really down to say this but i do not think my father and husband will be ok for a long time. this makes me want to cry. i cant stop thinking.

[nms]

Here it goes, I was married in Nov 06. Right now my husband and I are not together, still married though. When we had gotten married it was against parents wishes, to make that part of the story short my family forgave us and everything was ok, for the time being, but soon after our marriage things began to fall apart, see I got pregnant and my husband was not acting like the way a man should with his wife. So I left him when I was about 4 months in my pregnancy, I went home to my parents. Which by the way they live in the us and I was in Egypt at the time, but anyways, I still tired to make my marriage work, but my husband was being selfish. Soon I had a baby boy and my marriage was still not so good. To make this all short. The situation I am in now is that, my husband has disrespected my father a number of times, but my father still for gave my husband. Well now my father has no more remorse for my husband because he did it to him quite a few times. My husband now is in the state that he has sent money for his son, but after one year of not. He also sent a letter that if I were to go back to him that I could travel as needed with taking his son. He wants to work things out but my family (father) has tired with him and my husband every time disrespected him. Well now my father is against working it out so are his parents, I am having a hard time trusting him not to hurt me sense he has before, my son is in the middle of this. I do not know what is wrong from right in this situation. I love my husband and want a family but I love my father, he was there for me when my husband wasn’t. In the Muslim religion, the husband is suppose to treat his wife with kindness and look after her, the wife should listen to her husband, and treat him with the same. I treated him so well, and he was not good to me. Now he says he was wrong that he loves me and he will show me for starters he sent me money for me and his son he sent the paper that states me and him could travel when needed (his son needs permission to travel from the father) this paper gives me the right to travel and take his son as I need. But see my father now says he will have nothing to do with me if I go. Help I don’t know what to do.

thank you everyone who has given me the advice, but i do have a big fear, do you think and could this happen that my husband take my child from me if i go to him and thigns dont work out? please answer back someone

[جوري]

sob7an Allah.. have you tried couples therapy? I only suggest this because to be honest anything I'll write will not be objective, I don't think I can love or even like a man who disrespects my father. In fact reading your words seem to rouse some pretty angry feelings in me toward your husband not just for disrespecting your father to his relationship with you but as an elder gentleman.. I have no respect for people who show no respect especially to our elders ..

old habits die hard.. I don't see anyone changing over night ..shabb 3la ma shab 3lyh.

17:23- Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little.


your dad took care of you when you were little and when you were abandoned by this guy.. so I don't know.. you'll have to give this one some serious thought..

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

[nms]

sob7an Allah.. have you tried couples therapy? I only suggest this because to be honest anything I'll write will not be objective, I don't think I can love or even like a man who disrespects my father. In fact reading your words seem to rouse some pretty angry feelings in me toward your husband not just for disrespecting your father to his relationship with you but as an elder gentleman.. I have no respect for people who show no respect especially to our elders ..

old habits die hard.. I don't see anyone changing over night ..shabb 3la ma shab 3lyh.

17:23- Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little.


your dad took care of you when you were little and when you were abandoned by this guy.. so I don't know.. you'll have to give this one some serious thought..

and Allah swt knows best

:w:

thank you you have one strong point.
last week i had called my husband and his mother answered she was rude to me. i said to her i am talking with respect to you, you dont need to speak this way to me. well she said i have talk to her this way and so does my mother and father. i wanted so bad to disrespect her but i am respectful and did not. i later told my husband i am resecptful to her because she is your mother and she is older then me. yesterday me and him fought. i got very heated and told him that just so he knows i am resecptful to people and i do not rank no one. i do this not because someone may think i am lower then them or i have to. because this is how i am. i think my marrage might be comming to a end stufalallah (i cant spell)

[nms]

it been four weeks, i have been staying strong with my decision to not be with my husband, it does hurt and sometimes i look at our son and fear if i am doing the right thing. then i remember what he put me though and feel mad at him, and thankful im not with him. i hope my feelings would just be normal.

[nms]

it been four weeks, i have been staying strong with my decision to not be with my husband, it does hurt and sometimes i look at our son and fear if i am doing the right thing. then i remember what he put me though and feel mad at him, and thankful im not with him. i hope my feelings would just be normal.

:exhausted i didnt do anything to him (my husband) for all this.

[Zahida]

:sl: InshaAllah as the time passes you will start to feel better........... I know how you feel because in the end all you can remember is the pain and hurt they caused you and you forget about the good times................ My advise to you is just try to be the bestest mum ever for your little boy, and everytime you feel sad or think about your husband just thank Allah for removing him from your life, and do dua that whtever is your future be better for you and your son. Ameen. Take care.:):w::)

:exhausted i didnt do anything to him (my husband) for all this.

[Muhaba]

why can't you ask your husband to come to where you live and then live with him for a while to see how things go? you can also get in writing that he will not take the child from you.

Show verse 232 of Surah Al-Baqarah to your father where Allah has instructed people not to stop divorced women from marrying their former husbands (so why should your father stop you from going to your husband although you aren't divorced). But IMO it would be best for your husband to come & live with you where you're living, close to your parents to see if he's changed or not. Try to get your father & your husband to talk. maybe even have your family talk to his family. why is there so much hostility between you and his family? were his family not happy when you married him? but before you do anything else, do salah istikhaara (asking Allah to guide you to make the right decisions) and then Salah Haaja (asking Allah to makes things right between you & your husband as well as between your families). Additionally, read Surah Yasin as much as you can and ask Allah to make everything all right for you.

[nms]

hi everyone thanks for the advice in this thread..
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.

[nms]

hi everyone thanks for the advice in this thread..
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.[/QUOTE]

[nms]

Here it goes, I was married in Nov 06. Right now my husband and I are not together, still married though. When we had gotten married it was against parents wishes, to make that part of the story short my family forgave us and everything was ok, for the time being, but soon after our marriage things began to fall apart, see I got pregnant and my husband was not acting like the way a man should with his wife. So I left him when I was about 4 months in my pregnancy, I went home to my parents. Which by the way they live in the us and I was in Egypt at the time, but anyways, I still tired to make my marriage work, but my husband was being selfish. Soon I had a baby boy and my marriage was still not so good. To make this all short. The situation I am in now is that, my husband has disrespected my father a number of times, but my father still for gave my husband. Well now my father has no more remorse for my husband because he did it to him quite a few times. My husband now is in the state that he has sent money for his son, but after one year of not. He also sent a letter that if I were to go back to him that I could travel as needed with taking his son. He wants to work things out but my family (father) has tired with him and my husband every time disrespected him. Well now my father is against working it out so are his parents, I am having a hard time trusting him not to hurt me sense he has before, my son is in the middle of this. I do not know what is wrong from right in this situation. I love my husband and want a family but I love my father, he was there for me when my husband wasn’t. In the Muslim religion, the husband is suppose to treat his wife with kindness and look after her, the wife should listen to her husband, and treat him with the same. I treated him so well, and he was not good to me. Now he says he was wrong that he loves me and he will show me for starters he sent me money for me and his son he sent the paper that states me and him could travel when needed (his son needs permission to travel from the father) this paper gives me the right to travel and take his son as I need. But see my father now says he will have nothing to do with me if I go. Help I don’t know what to do.

hi everyone thanks for the advice in this thread..
Its been about four months now from when i said i wasnt going to my husband. but now he called me and said that he has made bad chioces again. he said he wants to come here to the US where i am. and he wants to see his son and make things better with me. then of course that i had given him my time and trusted his word he now has went back and foruth with his word.. i dont understand i keep pray that Allah has claimbed him down, that maybe he has changed.. Can people change? well anyways when he did this to me after the second time he did it i said thats it. i dont belive him to my self. i begain to treat him so cold, i even sometimes just dont answer his phone calls because im in such a hurt and upset mood, one of the times he had sent me a message saying thank u and i didnt respond so he sent another saying u are cold and this is clear thank u bye i snaped and said ur welcome bye. he then had sent a email telling me that this was the last time he will give me the change to disrespect him ever again, then he blocked me off his messenger list. i deleated the entire messenger because i found out he had done this, i sent him a message saying you palyed with my head, im filing the devorce. i feel disrespected.I went though so much because of him. it hurts me to have to treat him this way, but i do this so i wouldnt get hurt any further, but i think its to late. i am hurt like new again. i try and tell myself that this is been to long, my son and i will be fine inshallah, i cant take this i should be stronger and my father and my family is done trying to make things work. ( read this thread from the beginning if this seems confusing to understand the whole issue) he has hurt me time and time again. i am so confused i mean i think i should end the marraige once and for all, but then i find myself crying over my son who has not seen his daddy and for him who hasnt seen his son,(this kills me inside). Then i remeber everything from the beginning and i get my self so down that i end up sending him messages tell him its his fault that im so hurt.