Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,
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Praise be to Allaah.
One of the mistakes that some couples make is telling one another about their pasts which the other partner has nothing to do with. Why would a wife tell her husband about things in the past that have nothing to do with the husband?
The past, with all that is in it, has gone, so why should one bring it up again and talk about it again and bring it back to life?
The past should remain hidden in the heart, known to no one except Allaah.
Both spouses should start their married life on a basis of piety and obedience to Allaah, and on mutual love. Each of them should know the rights of the other, so that they may fulfil the purpose of marriage which Allaah mentioned in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
[al-Room 30:21]
Some people think that this frankness is a positive sign of a good relationship between the spouses, but this is wrong and real life proves that it is wrong. This frankness may be a cause of the relationship between the spouses being spoiled.
How can the frankness that leads to that be a good thing? The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) granted a concession allowing a man to lie to his wife and a woman to lie to her husband if that will lead to an increase in love between them.
There are some cases in which there is nothing wrong with one spouse concealing things from the other, and it may be wise to do so, because disclosing them may lead to negative consequences, and there is no purpose to be served by disclosing them.
Both spouses have secrets from before marriage, and private matters which must be kept private and hidden, known to no one except Allaah, and they must repent from them if they are sinful.
Yes, they should be frank with one another in matters that have to do with their married life and raising their children,and making plans for their married life to be successful.
You made a mistake by telling your husband about that, and now you are suffering the results of that mistake.
It would be wise now not to tell your family or anyone else anything about this matter, because it was over a long time ago. Telling them may stir up a great deal of enmity and you have no need of that.
Our advice to your husband is to understand the situation properly, especially since you did not know what was going on at the time, and it was not as he imagines it. Your husband has to understand that and he should not destroy his family and punish you for something that happened years ago and for which you do not deserve to be blamed because you were too young. We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and to reconcile between you.
And Allaah knows best.
Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,
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The complete fatwa can be found
here.
These fatwa might also answer some of your questions:
He found out that his wife was having a relationship with a man, then she repented. Should he divorce her?
Should she tell her husband about her previous relationships?
If the above don't answer your questions, you really ought to contact a trusted scholar Insha Allah.