Silences

[The Ruler]

:sl:

I talk little (unless it's something that I have a strong opinion about... And those things are very few). This morning, at the bus stop, a random lady began talking to me... And all I could think about whilst smiling in a 'the-world-is-beautiful' way was the fact that she was a stranger and that she musn't initiate a conversation with me unless I feel the need to do so. Yes, I'm very... Selfish?

Anyway... I appreciate the silence between a stranger and myself. But whilst walking back after school, I was with a friend, and since I hardly initiate conversations, our journey consisted mostly of silence and her poor attempts at conversation. And, of course, it was uncomfortable. For me, who knew I made her uncomfortable... And her, who didn't appreciate the awkward silence. That made me wonder about the saying that a friend is someone with whom you sit in silence but feel like you've talked a lot. (Or something like that)

And my conclusion: it's bull.

My conclusion was based on several experiences with friends I've known for several years (10) and friends I known recently (2).

All I want is to find out if I'm right. Well, for majority of the people anyway.

Do I not make sense? Vote anyway.

NB: You may ignore the third option on the poll. It was another of my odd-number obsession thing. But of course, I kept the members hidden, just in case one of you might feel obliged to be honest and admit...

[alcurad]

nani??

[Cabdullahi]

When i was young i was very quiet but now that i am older, i always have something to share with those who i have bonded with but if i dont know them then im quiet

[The Ruler]

nani??

Done.

When i was young i was very quiet but now that i am older, i always have something to share with those who i have bonded with but if i dont know them then im quiet

Generally speaking, what do you tend to talk about? Things like?

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[BintAbee]

:sl:

i never used to speak much before but since i started uni i have become a chatterbox. i don't talk to every person i see but among my friends, i talk a lot. I used to wonder why people feel the need to talk so much but now I realised that the next person somehow feels more at ease when you talk to them. when you don't talk, they sometimes think that you feel that you are better than the rest and feel it beyond yourself to talk to them coz they are too low or else they may think that you are upset with them or very snooty and unfriendly. And usually women feel the urge to talk all the time more than men do (that's just my opinion. there may be exceptions)

:w:

[crayon]

Silence is only uncomfortable if you think it's uncomfortable. Whenever there's an awkward silence with anyone, and I'm like "uhmmm yeah, this is awkward...", I just tell myself that. And it's no longer awkward, it becomes peaceful and fulfilling. Silence is such an interesting thing, with both friends and strangers, the feeling differs depending upon whom the silence is shared with.

And I do agree with that saying that you posted, very much so. So many times have I spent my time with friends just sitting and thinking. Deep amazing conversation followed by a long pensive silence, that isn't awkward in the least.

Hmmm well it's almost midnight and I think I just rambled without even answering the question?...

[Cabdullahi]

Done.



Generally speaking, what do you tend to talk about? Things like?

i talk about things that when i do people say im crazy for example ''concpiracies'' erm boring stuff like football but to my small sisters i just make them laugh and play pranks on them,....there's two years difference between them one is 12 the other is 14 and they are always
arguing and fighting so i pulled out my phone and said i will video their argument and post it on youtube and when ppl view it they will automatically say these two must be worst enemies or something, but then i will reply and say no they're actually sisters! and everybody will be ohhhh shocked,that made them giggle alittle and they kinda stopped the arguments now

[mystifyed]

i am really really quiet. Every one says why dont u talk
and i go i dont feel like it

[Cabdullahi]

Silence is only uncomfortable if you think it's uncomfortable. Whenever there's an awkward silence with anyone, and I'm like "uhmmm yeah, this is awkward...", I just tell myself that. And it's no longer awkward, it becomes peaceful and fulfilling. Silence is such an interesting thing, with both friends and strangers, the feeling differs depending upon whom the silence is shared with.
And I do agree with that saying that you posted, very much so. So many times have I spent my time with friends just sitting and thinking. Deep amazing conversation followed by a long pensive silence, that isn't awkward in the least.

Hmmm well it's almost midnight and I think I just rambled without even answering the question?...

does it always have to be philosophical chill out with the textbook terminology

[The Ruler]

they sometimes think that you feel that you are better than the rest and feel it beyond yourself to talk to them coz they are too low or else they may think that you are upset with them or very snooty and unfriendly.

I see. It's a good thing I smile whilst I'm silent. Heh.

Hmmm well it's almost midnight and I think I just rambled without even answering the question?...

No... Quite frankly, your answer brought out points I never thought about. Omoshirokatta. (Hehe~)

to my small sisters i just make them laugh and play pranks on them,....there's two years difference between them one is 12 the other is 14

My sisters, too, are 12 and 14. And the only topic I can talk to them about is anime. Even with my 7 year-old brother it's the same. My parents encourage me to talk to them about school work etc, but I just can't find it in me to sit down and talk to them about something like that. It takes too much effort. And I forbade any type of heart to heart conversations.

arguing and fighting so i pulled out my phone and said i will video their argument and post it on youtube and when ppl view it they will automatically say these two must be worst enemies or something, but then i will reply and say no they're actually sisters! and everybody will be ohhhh shocked,that made them giggle alittle and they kinda stopped the arguments now

Haha, that's funny... Though silly of them. My siblings hardly ever fight unless it's the teen sisters vs the child sister-of-a-brother.

Silence is such an interesting thing, with both friends and strangers, the feeling differs depending upon whom the silence is shared with.

crayon, could you give me an example? Maybe tomorrow... Hmm? =]

[Güven]

interesting thread, I used to be a silencer too (still am though) , I also felt like I made people uncomfortable lol those were funny moments when I think about it.


especially with strangers ....honestly I dont want them to talk to me lol strange ?
I do talk most of the time with friends and especially if its about Soccer, Islam, school, work ,cars and Life but usually the convo never lasts more then 10 minutes.

[Nájlá]

argh i hate talking to strangers. well i dont but i dont know what to tallk to them about.

Like theres this women whose a customer and always comes to our shop and I'd always see her by this bus stop after school and she'll be talking and talking to me and am 'like ummmm yeh' uncomfortable...

and theres this other lolipop women who comes and randomly comes and talks to me. And she'd be talking about what she did in the weekends and about her grand children. and i'll be like 'yeh,yeh' then when she stops for a bit a quickly say that i have to go otherwise i'll be late.

am usually quite. But sometimes silence is a good thing.

[Cabdullahi]

what i hate is when you have relatives(family friends) over and they have a kid about your age and you have to make them feel welcomed...its hard i hate that....i always start by saying......YO! did you watch the match....and then i would on the PS3 and our eyes would be glued on the tv playing games.......... without talking and getting to know each other taking place

[The Ruler]

especially with strangers ....honestly I dont want them to talk to me lol strange ?

Not really (answering your '?').

I do talk most of the time with friends and especially if its about Soccer, Islam, school, work ,cars and Life but usually the convo never lasts more then 10 minutes.

The only two things I have from that list is a Life and Islam. But since my friends are all non-muslims and we try not to debate about religion to minimise our misunderstandings, Islam is a topic we don't talk about... Unless we're discussing me and my sense of fashion.

And Life is something I prefer to keep private.

Like theres this women whose a customer and always comes to our shop and I'd always see her by this bus stop after school and she'll be talking and talking to me and am 'like ummmm yeh' uncomfortable...

and theres this other lolipop women who comes and randomly comes and talks to me. And she'd be talking about what she did in the weekends and about her grand children. and i'll be like 'yeh,yeh' then when she stops for a bit a quickly say that i have to go otherwise i'll be late.

I usually have my headphones on to keep things like that at bay. But the lady this morning thought it was necessary even though I couldn't hear her. she suddenly asked me if I was going to college, I replied, "yes". Her, "oh, so are you applying to university?"; me, "of course"; her, "what for?"; me, "medicine"; her, "I knew you were going to say that!"... I asked her, rather curious, "why" to which she simply said, "I just did". Tch. Then she was talking about her son who also wanted to medicine... But the bus arrived, and I was never so grateful for the good-timing.

[Nájlá]

Or when ur forced to talk to ur relative's on the phone. I hate it.

it will go like this.

me: salam
person: wasalam
me: how are u and hows ur family...
person: fine alhamdulillah everyone's okay.
me:ummm....

break into a silence.

me: umm my brother wants to talk to u....

lol

[The Ruler]

what i hate is when you have relatives(family friends) over and they have a kid about your age and you have to make them feel welcomed...its hard i hate that....i always start by saying......YO! did you watch the match....and then i would on the PS3 and our eyes would be glued on the tv playing games.......... without talking and getting to know each other taking place

It's easy to "help mum in the kitchen".

Oh, I'm liking the way the poll results are turning out to be. Heh.

[Afifa]

Or when ur forced to talk to ur relative's on the phone. I hate it.

it will go like this.

me: salam
person: wasalam
me: how are u and hows ur family...
person: fine alhamdulillah everyone's okay.
me:ummm....

break into a silence.

me: umm my brother wants to talk to u....

lol

;D
funny how your brother says exatcly what you said and then your mum wants to 'talk' to them :p

[Güven]

^LOL that happens with me all the time ;D

and especially If you have a little sister in house, Man I dont know about you guys but my sister ,who is 8, TALKS ALOT , I think she has already talked more than half of my whole lifetime!

[The Ruler]

60% of my phone conversations consist of 'ah', 'oh', 'hmm' and 'I see'. I avoid conversing on the phone as much as possible.

[The Ruler]

^Yes, but what about a stranger who stupidly had a sudden urge to converse with you?

[Danah]

when I was a teenager, I liked talking and talking without stopping, but now I changed a lot!!! I wonder now how come I endure being that talkative....lol

I think the most reason of that change is this screen I am facing now, when I started being addicted in using the computer I became a quiet person, dont like to talk much even with my relatives, especially when I have strange interests than everyone in the home.......so its kinda hard to talk in something I dont have an interest in.

but sometimes I got annoyed when people think that I am arrogant to not talk to them.....when I really dont have any interest on what they are talking about, why on earth I have to force myself to talk?? :?

about silence?..........
well for me it depends on the person I am talking to....taking this scenario: "waiting in the lounge of a hospital" some strangers I feel like I cant talk to them easily and go on a light conversation with them very smoothly, while for some others having a conversation with is a very hard thing.....they start telling their life stories and I am just like,...."oh"....."I see"........"oh yeah what u can do this is the life".........especially if the destiny lead me to sit near a woman who had a fight with her family and complains a lot :uuh:

with friends?.....my close friends, there is no way we can sit silently, especially if I sit with the friends that know me very well and know the way I think and see things....because they will avoid talk about things I hate or dont have any interest on....so I am fine with that

when I prefer the silence? when someone start talking about their family problems, I hate being involved in such things....

[Musaafirah]

I talk too much full stop.
Thing is, I won't speak to strangers. I don't go out of my way to bond with my fellow final year students who I don't really know because I came back from placement and they've all carried on from the second year. The only people I talk to in uni are those that went on placement with me and a few fellow muslim sisters and that and I feel cool sitting in silence coz we don't have much in common apart from our courses.
I feel kind of uncomfortable sitting in silence with people I don't quite know, but who I'm getting to know coz I don't know what they're like or what they're likely to be thinking.
With friends however I can sit in silence and feel all cool..Or initiate a conversation. I'll always find something to talk about.
Does that make me some sort of weirdo.
(Oh, I voted I'm a big mouthed idiot who can't stop talking. Tch <whatever that's supposed to mean)

[Cabdullahi]

the above two sisters are officially LI's chatterboxes ... just look at their posts!!! :ooh: ..one even said she is not chatty anymore ..nice joke

[Re.TiReD]

60% of my phone conversations consist of 'ah', 'oh', 'hmm' and 'I see'. I avoid conversing on the phone as much as possible.

AssalamuAlaykum!

Haha L0o0oL I love hearing the sound of my own voice when I'm talking to you on the phone.......Nootttttt! I hate it, which is why I've stopped talking much on the fone to people now :embarrass coz I can ramble on and on...and on.

Like seriously, I dont talk as much as I used to, and even on the internet, I dont really talk, its just my fingers that have a habit of being able to move real fast :D

Oh and in answer to ur question (I forgot what it was, sorry) but yeh, some silences are nice. And others are cringeworthy. But nothing you can do about them

WassalamuAlaykum

[God-is-great]

I find silence with a stranger is really uncomfortable
Whereas with a friend, I can just add in some joke to fill in
Its easier to make jokes with friends than with strangers
Furthermore, im the kind of person who doesn’t talk much
I almost never start a conversation with strangers
Mainly cuz im a really shy person
With muslim brothers its just salam, wa alaikum salam
Then walk off :D

[Danah]

the above two sisters are officially LI's chatterboxes ... just look at their posts!!! :ooh: ..one even said she is not chatty anymore ..nice joke

lol, I am supposing myself one of those whom u pointed to.

Well, when I have amazing sisters in the board why I will keep silent like a dead body :?

The thread was focusing more on the real life I guess.....and I have said that I became less chatter after being addicted to Internet.

but really I am more quiet in the real world comparing to Cyberspace....I found more people having the same interests I have and that the reason, so I have something to talk about with them

good note from you brother :thumbs_up looks like u r doing a pretty good search here :rollseyes

[crayon]

does it always have to be philosophical chill out with the textbook terminology

Righhht.^o)

crayon, could you give me an example? Maybe tomorrow... Hmm? =]

Well, with close friends, or family even, whenever there's a silence, I think-
I'm close enough to this person that I can simply sit in their company without having to keep conversation going. When conversation happens, it happens, and when it doesn't, then that's great too.

With strangers, or acquaintances-
It's so interesting to be in a world where we all interact with one another, without even having to speak, most of the time. The bus driver, the lady in the shop, the people sitting next to me on the park bench. Sometimes you can just send off good vibes, a smile, and feel content; there's no need for conversation.

I think the reason silence is awkward a lot of the time is because you feel like you're expected to make conversation, and that when you don't, you're doing something wrong, and that causes you to feel uncomfortable. Whereas when you tell yourself that logically there's no reason that you must be forced to talk, that awkwardness goes away. And even further, when you tell yourself that silence is fulfilling, it even makes you feel happy there's nothing to talk about. So it's all in your head, I guess.

[Silver]

I always have something to say and sometime i don't make any sense. I find it easy to make conversation except when I'm on the phone with one of my relatives, I don't know what to talk about. I ask them about their family and then I talk about the weather and ask them what they had for lunch!!!!!!! Then I quickly tell my mom that the phonecall is for her...

[Musaafirah]

the above two sisters are officially LI's chatterboxes ... just look at their posts!!! :ooh: ..one even said she is not chatty anymore ..nice joke

Oh Ha ha (!)
Doesn't mean I'd talk to ya in real life or anything...
anyway, the topic was about silences, so I was just giving a general impression of how I take silences and all.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i have a lot of silences between friends/cousins etc.

its very nice

between strangers it CAN get awkward, only coz you havent reached the comfort zone with them yet.


thats all


Assalamu Alaikum

[Al-Zaara]

smiling in a 'the-world-is-beautiful' way

Hahaha... ;D I smile a lot and try to do it with strangers aswell. 'Cause my neutral expression is something like 'the-world-is-pathetic-and-not-worth-me', even though I could be very happy.

But whilst walking back after school, I was with a friend, and since I hardly initiate conversations, our journey consisted mostly of silence and her poor attempts at conversation.

If I was that friend I would probably a long time ago started a psycho-monologue.

I've started conversations with strangers, simply for the sake of it. I have also often come across people who talk with strangers. I tend to like them, they are interesting.

[The Ruler]

I really don't understand why anyone whould find silences between themselves and a complete stranger uncomfortable. I really don't understand.

I'm surprised there were 8 votes for the third option. I suppose not many people see themselves in the way I see myself. Tch.

[aadil77]

I really don't understand why anyone whould find silences between themselves and a complete stranger uncomfortable. I really don't understand.

I'm surprised there were 8 votes for the third option. I suppose not many people see themselves in the way I see myself. Tch.

Depends on what kind of situation you're in, sometimes you can avoid it sometimes you'll have to say somethin or you'll seem weird

[~Raynn~]

Silences between yourself and a friend are definitely worse...though it depends...

If it's a friend you're not incredibly close to, but whose good opinion you obviously wanna keep, you have to think a lot before you say anything, so it's hard to start a conversation...you can both tell it's difficult, and the silences are awkward...

But if it's someone you know really well, it's easy to say whatever it is that first comes into your mind...and even if there really is nothing to say, any silence there is is simply peaceful...

As for strangers, I wouldn't feel comfortable randomly starting a conversation with someone I didn't know, but if they speak to me, I'd just keeping smiling, and nod or shake my head at the appropriate times...there's only so long that they'd be able to keep talking, in that case, lol...


And, :giggling: I find trying to talk to relatives over the phone absolutely terrible, too...

[Yanal]

Im usually attentive and quite.

[AntiKarateKid]

No silence is as awkward as the silence on an elevator. :skeleton:

[Woodrow]

I chose number three. I actually do talk more then I post here. It has gotten me into trouble more than a few times. but I still have not learned to shut-up.

[cute123]

I love to keep on talking with people whom i love - parents - brother , but prefer to be silent with strangers.

[_Rida_]

:sl:

Silence between yourself and a friend, because if you're silent with a friend and it is uncomfortable, that isn't right, cause you are supposed to be comfortable with it.

[Re.TiReD]

No silence is as awkward as the silence on an elevator. :skeleton:

You're telling me! :skeleton: I hate it, I've even gotten out before reaching the correct floor because teh silence was deafening.

[alcurad]

well, when you finish talking, ie. nothing left to talk about take a break and do something else. It bothers me when people try to break the silence for the sake of it, not that I'm not talkative at times:)

[Umm Hurairah]

Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

Silences are good, because when you're talking, you start back-biting without even realizing it (has happened so many times, Astaghfirullah). I stopped talking when I realized that people use everything you say against you, one time or another. The best way to have a conversation, imo, is to keep the talking on to the next person. Like ask the person constant questions, even if you have 0 interest in the answers. "How's school? Did you finish *** assignment? How is your sister/mother? What did you have for breakfast (this might seem too obvious, but really, people can go on about breakfast for so long, it's surprising)?" Works every time, Insha Allah. <3

[aadil77]

You're telling me! :skeleton: I hate it, I've even gotten out before reaching the correct floor because teh silence was deafening.

Lol, If I found it awkward I would have said somehting stupid like 'woh this silence is awkward' :D stuff like that usually breaks the ice

[Musaafirah]

^^ I do that. Foot-in-mouth disease is what I seem to suffer from.
I think I must've freaked a fair few people out.
(Oh, I wouldn't initiate a conversation with a dude in an elevator though..I'll only talk to a person who I see all the time in the lift who's a girl and who I don't really know)

[Ali.]

Very interesting thread topic..

I initially voted Silence between yourself and a friend, but having some thought about this, I change my mind.
I think if you pay attention, with a close, "real", if you like, friend/family member, silence could go on for millenia and none of you could care. I reminisced to times of silence between me and family members and [alhamdulillah (?)], it didn't seem to be of much bother. But when I think of "friends" who are perhaps, not that close to me, there is a tension and an itching obligation to speak and say something just for the sake of keeping the title of 'friend'.

Understood? :-[

[~Raynn~]

^ Yup, I totally agree... ^

[Muezzin]

The most awkward silence for me is when I'm with family rather than friends, specifically in a family gathering type of context. You know, after the meet and greet, and everyone has sat down and then before the momentum of discussion really gets going, there's this tumbleweed of nothingness? Hate it.

No silence is as awkward as the silence on an elevator. :skeleton:

In such situations, I take it you enjoy the punctuation of a fart?