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RazMaTaz
03-13-2009, 11:34 AM
Salams

my fiance made a confession to me yesterday that she smoked weed yesterday, only having 2-3 puffs she claimed. She said shes been going through difficulty with family because her mum n dad keep arguing.

Her best friend however, i believe has been a real bad influence on her in the last few years. Her best friend smoked, and now my fiance ended up smoking too because curiousity got to the better side of her.

my fiance claims shes cutting down and trying her best to quit, but its times like this i just wanna burst into tears cuz i never met a girl who would even consider doing smoking, yet alone a drug, but at the same time i just feel shes so right for me cuz we have so much in comman. She claimed she wasnt thinking straight and just accepted taking the drug.

The reason smoking as a whole bothers me so much is because my uncle past away from cancer cuz he smoked alot, and i dont want to see my fiance go through the same fiasco, yet alone her mate.

Is it worth calling the marriage off or shall i just blast her? I do believe she wont do drugs again, but as long has her mates around, shes still gonna have a form of weakness to smoke. I cant tell her to break up with her mate cuz they been best friends for so long.

What to do??
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Snowflake
03-13-2009, 03:19 PM
If she had done this in the past, I'd have said let it go. But now that she is going to be your wife, she either quits before marriage or do not marry her. If you accept her as your wife while she's doing drugs, she's just going to think she can get away with it in the future. You have yourself (not to mention your money), your deen and your future offspring to think of.
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RazMaTaz
03-13-2009, 04:31 PM
Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
If she had done this in the past, I'd have said let it go. But now that she is going to be your wife, she either quits before marriage or do not marry her. If you accept her as your wife while she's doing drugs, she's just going to think she can get away with it in the future. You have yourself (not to mention your money), your deen and your future offspring to think of.
Thing is she openly admitted to the drug smoking and she said she would never do it again. I do believe her, but part of me is still not convinced. Shes a well educated woman and i know she wouldnt lift another drug product, but the fact she still smokes is still bad. I do not wanna call the marriage off because god know what she might do after, and her parents are having difficulty so i dont know what to do. I could let her go, but in the time of need where she needs me most with her parents having problems, and then me also saying i dont wanna marry her, shes gonna go over the edge.
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RazMaTaz
03-17-2009, 11:54 AM
please bros n sisters, give me advice :enough!:
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_Rida_
03-17-2009, 11:57 AM
:salamext:

Do what you think is right. If you trust her enough that she won’t smoke again, then leave it. If you don’t, then take the appropriate action you think is correct.
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Snowflake
03-17-2009, 03:59 PM
Originally Posted by RazMaTaz
Thing is she openly admitted to the drug smoking and she said she would never do it again. I do believe her, but part of me is still not convinced. Shes a well educated woman and i know she wouldnt lift another drug product, but the fact she still smokes is still bad. I do not wanna call the marriage off because god know what she might do after, and her parents are having difficulty so i dont know what to do. I could let her go, but in the time of need where she needs me most with her parents having problems, and then me also saying i dont wanna marry her, shes gonna go over the edge.
May Allah forgive me and make my advice not affect your decision if it is wrong, as only Allah knows best. But, as someone who is older than you and therefore more experienced in life (lol) I'd say this.. If your fiance is the type of person who can tip over the edge when faced with hardships, there is a chance that she could also turn to drugs again if faced with problems in the future. Marriage, as rosy as you want it to be doesn't run smoothly on its own. Problems arise and need to be dealt with wisely. If you fear of what she might do if you call off the marriage, consider what she might do if you have problems in the future. That's just my way of looking at things brother. Your best option is to turn to Allah SWT and make Istikhara. Pray to Allah to turn you away from this marriage if is it bad for your deen, duniya and akhirah, and bless it if it is good for you. This approach won't fail you inshaAllah, whereas our advice can. Sorry, I don't know what else to say.
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Khalil_Allah
03-18-2009, 07:07 AM
Ok, you are making a common error. You think it is her friends that are causing this. Maybe she is getting it from her friends, but believe me, it is SHE who is to blame. Even a recovering heroin addict, with sound heart and mind, can sit in a room with 30 people shooting heroin and say no.

To be certain, you cannot change her. And if you try to preach to her about how wrong it is that she is smoking, you are going to push her away. You still love her and want this to work out, and therefore, you are going to have to accept her and her bad habits. If it is enough that you don't want her, then end it.

But you seem to suggest that it is not.

Anyhow, weed is just not that bad. Yes it intoxicates (in a way), but you'll never have to worry about her losing her judgment and doing something epic stupid (as if she were drinking alcohol).

Just talk to her about it in a non-confrontational way. Ask her how it makes her feel. Ask her what she likes about it. Make sure she knows that you aren't judging her (and make sure that you ARENT judging her), and learn as much as you can about when and why she does this. Then try to help her find alternative activities that will help her get the same feeling. Working out can do this, because you can get "high" on endorphins.

Just remember, the change has to come from within her... it can never be imposed upon her. Be creative in your support. If you are super-clever, you can help her fight her weed-smoking without her ever knowing it.

May Allah guide both you and your lady.
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Whatsthepoint
03-18-2009, 11:56 AM
Is it even banned in Islam?
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Cabdullahi
03-18-2009, 12:03 PM
^anything that intoxicates the mind is banned come on garfield!
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MO783
03-18-2009, 12:40 PM
Originally Posted by RazMaTaz
please bros n sisters, give me advice :enough!:
:sl:

Sorry to here this,

First you need to sit down and chat to her, atleast she not lied to you.

you need to tell her to stop seeing her friend for the sake of your marraige, its your time to guide her, but I will be honoest woth you, if she does not listen to you know then will she listen to you when you are actally married.

by the way girls smoking etc is a comon problem, guys dont help though.

May Allah make it easy for you
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