PDA

View Full Version : Why is is being 'mean' respected?



Sahabiyaat
03-13-2009, 05:52 PM
:sl:

I'd love everybodys views on this

All my life ive noticed.....if you treat people good, they begin to take it for granted and think your a bit soft, the moment you try a bit of *****iness, you start to recieve a bit more respect?


why ?

why is being nice seen as being 'smiple' or 'soft' and kicking people out of the way admired?

How do you strike the balance as a muslim? I mean having self-respect and honour, but at the same time displaying a kind character?
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
Chuck
03-13-2009, 05:54 PM
Why is is being 'mean' respected?
Because thats what works these days. :(

Whenever I've been nice people took advantage of me.
Reply

Musaafirah
03-13-2009, 06:00 PM
Oh I completely understand ya sis.
It seems people who are mean tend to be more popular, and the kind ones tend to be kind of not approached sort of thing...
Thing is, the appreciation of these people never really last long...I guess it has something to do with 'model' behaviour or something? Have you seen that the higher up some people get the meaner they get?
This doesn't apply to all situtions but do you get what I mean?
I dunno, I guess the best thing is to be yourself but firm, but not mean at the same time...
Reply

Ali.
03-13-2009, 09:27 PM
Feared, not respected. And when being nice to someone, often they start taking advantage of you, you must be kind but not soft.. there's a difference.
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
Tony
03-13-2009, 09:32 PM
Youre quality is ever stregnthened by the meanies, the more they abuse the more important for you to stand in the face of their abuse and smile. may Allah grant you the peace you deserve. Keep smilling, Peace
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
03-14-2009, 08:07 AM
wa alaykum us-Salaam
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
:sl:
I'd love everybodys views on this
All my life ive noticed.....if you treat people good, they begin to take it for granted and think your a bit soft, the moment you try a bit of *****iness, you start to recieve a bit more respect?
coz they see ya can stand up for yourself so they back off...and also if you repect yourself (ie dont let yourself get used and abused) then others will do the same innit :)


How do you strike the balance as a muslim? I mean having self-respect and honour, but at the same time displaying a kind character?
easy :) be kind as much as necessary....but yh if you see that you're being used and abused, put your foot down otherwise people will get the better of you...if you dont care for yourself, noone else will either :)
Reply

K.Venugopal
03-14-2009, 08:19 AM
Beware if you feel people respect you when you are 'mean'. They are probably only giving you a long rope to ... you know what! There is nothing to beat being good. Even if people take you for granted, in the long run they will be grateful for your goodness.
Reply

Sahabiyaat
03-14-2009, 09:51 PM
JazakAllah for the replies!


Im very good at controlling my mean side.....its the last last resort.I hate being mean!!! its a terrible feeling knowing uve just touched a nerve with someone.

As Bill and Ted would say; Be excellent to each other! lol.

Indeed nothing beats the feeling of having done someone good for the sake of Allah, and u require no compensation. ...what u also dnt require is no cheek! lol. thats what brings out the mean side in some people


and how good is it when someone is nice to you......but does anyone ever gt the feeling that the ppl that are always good to u, u urself start to take them for granted, not realising ur complacency may be hurting them?
Reply

Sahabiyaat
03-16-2009, 12:08 AM
bumpity bump
Reply

Faseeha
03-18-2009, 04:55 PM
:sl:

I don't think mean people are always respected. Yes sometimes they are, by people who envy them, but not always.

A decent person wouldn't respect a mean person because they wouldn't like the attributes they see in that person.

There is a balance between being kind and compassionate and knowing when to be hard and firm, so there is a way to be a good person without being taken advantage of.

Also I believe that respect is a two way thing, you've got to be able to give respect in order to receive it. If you respect the people around you, even if they're very different from you, you'll find yourself being respected.
Reply

Ansariyah
03-18-2009, 06:03 PM
Sis I soo know how u feel!
I think the same wud apply wen ur assertive? Cause I notice people will treat u better if u are assertive. Being nice doesn't mean kiss up to everyone. n being assertive doesn't mean being aggresive.
Reply

Sahabiyaat
03-18-2009, 09:49 PM
So HOW exactly do u be assertive, without coming across as a complete....*****..sorry about the lingo.....but this thing has always bugged me...............i cant seem to strike the balance.

Im a pretty pleasant person and when i notice ive been taken advantage of because of that.....well.........I can be assertive but for some strange strange reason, i feel so guilty afterwards and think, should i have been a bit more softer?


i dunno :s ...bleruugh...
Reply

alcurad
03-18-2009, 10:03 PM
friendship, loyalty, love, kindness and all the other highly thought of constructs are what we aspire to/for, but should never be used against us, or make us puppets of someone else.
never wear your heart on your sleeve, nor be fooled into thinking kindness is it's own reward. it is not always so, we have been given brains to use them, some ideas sound nice, but they have to be taken less for granted if you wish to survive intact in this world.
if this sounds too cynical, it isn't, I'm simply saying if you find yourself being taken for granted, then obviously you're doing it wrong. we should be dignified, and not give in to every request or 'opening', observe how some are kind to others, but never get abused, this is because they also are assertive of their own rights when push comes to shove,,
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
03-19-2009, 08:12 AM
:sl:
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
Im a pretty pleasant person and when i notice ive been taken advantage of because of that.....well.........I can be assertive but for some strange strange reason, i feel so guilty afterwards and think, should i have been a bit more softer?
LOL...i guess try evaluating what you said and just think whether your response was necessary or not... don't put yourself on a guilt trip tho if it isnt necessary :)

and also for some people if you show sternness towards them then they'll stop being mean :p so its good for them too lol
Reply

Hafswa
03-19-2009, 11:54 AM
Salaam,
First, respect should be commanded and not earned as most people tend to think. By commanded I mean....that feeling of awe you get when someone walks in the room and by the way they carry themselves, you instantly admire them or recognize that they are exceptional. That is commanding respect. Earning respect is by exerting force, acquiring power unfairly or by instilling fear in the other person.

To echo what has been said, there is a clear distiction between being mean, plain rude and assertive. Assertive people to me are those who are not afraid to stand for what they believe in, their principles in life and their value systems. They speak what they think and are ready to be held accountable for it anytime. However, such strong characters at time stick to their guns until it seems that they are push overs and can easily be mistake to be mean people. This sometimes pushes people away from them and they become lonely and bitter at times.

To strike the balance for a pleasant person like you Sahabiyaat would be hard as your conscince might later haunt you with guilty thoughts such as: " Did I really have to talk to him/her that way?" or you simply cannot get over the look of disbelief in their face . Such is life because eventually at some point you can only let people get away with so much. You will be forced at sometime not to seem like the nice person who does everything when asked or just says yes or ok and say hey....I won't do this or stand for this and that's is final :) even though your heart will be pounding at that time.
Reply

Peterwf
03-19-2009, 11:59 AM
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

(Proverbs 15:1)
Reply

Yanal
03-19-2009, 06:27 PM
:sl:
Nice question . The answer is that mainly people are scared of mean/or bad people whom scare people.it's not literally called respect it's just that they are scared of you making you think it's respect by being mean is the Shytaan making doubts in your mind.
Reply

Cabdullahi
03-19-2009, 06:46 PM
be not b.itchy!..show kindness and tell the truth so that you dont have to remember what you said earlier
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 27
    Last Post: 01-16-2008, 04:26 AM
  2. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 12-28-2007, 05:53 AM
  3. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-05-2007, 06:01 AM
  4. Replies: 45
    Last Post: 05-21-2006, 07:28 PM

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!