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anonymous
03-18-2009, 06:39 PM
:sl:
This site has benefited me a lot, so I think it would be better if i start off here. I have an issue that I should've addressed earilier, but failed to. My mother has recently started to talk about engagement sort of thing. However, I told her bluntly as i can, I don't want to. Not particularly due to typical circumstances, but the fact I don't think I can handle marriage at all. I am very against it. I can't imagine myself loving a woman, and all of that comes along. I am not gay, just to make things clear. I've seen horrible things happen in marraige, i.e, constant arguments, physical abuse, and worse of al cheating. More women are actually having an affair, becoming more "manly" and think their all that. They annoy me. Not that I would go on a killing-spree or something, but it's just i dont trust them at all. I used to distrust my own mother for some time. I'll always have in mind, that this woman is up to something that is not good, shes plotting to kill me lol, it sounds funny but thats what i think. I don't know what to do. I don't like the idea of marriage due to these issues with me. Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab". Like what is up with that? And think they can do what men can do. Should I even be cocncered as a muslim for marriage? I don't think its necessary for one to marry, well that is what i think anyway.

:w:
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Muhammad
03-22-2009, 11:46 AM
Wa Alaykum Assalaam,

May Allaah (swt) make things easy for you and increase you in guidance, Aameen.

Insha'Allaah someone can post some advice about this topic.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
03-22-2009, 11:56 AM
:sl:

Originally Posted by anonymous
:sl:
My mother has recently started to talk about engagement sort of thing. However, I told her bluntly as i can, I don't want to. Not particularly due to typical circumstances, but the fact I don't think I can handle marriage at all. I am very against it. I can't imagine myself loving a woman, and all of that comes along.
have you had some kind of childhood disturbances?

I've seen horrible things happen in marraige, i.e, constant arguments, physical abuse, and worse of al cheating.
have you not seen a happily married couple? trust me, there are plenty out there...
More women are actually having an affair, becoming more "manly" and think their all that. They annoy me. Not that I would go on a killing-spree or something, but it's just i dont trust them at all.
alot of women have affoars,
probably becuase they are forced into marrying someone against their will :rollseyes
but if you marry a girl with her consent and pay attention to her and show her the love and respect she deserves, then she wont have a need for that stuff...you teach people how to treat you...


I don't know what to do. I don't like the idea of marriage due to these issues with me. Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab". Like what is up with that?
and alot of other women fear allah too....
Reply

Muhaba
03-22-2009, 12:11 PM
I really think you should see a psychologist/counselor for this problem of yours. you seem to have a phobia, are even paranoid if you think someone would be trying to kill you. this problem can be solved through counseling, i'm sure. the psychologist will dig into your past/subconscious to uproot the main cause of your phobia, which even you may not be aware of. and once the cause is known, it will be much easier for you to overcome your phobia of women.

btw, in some countries women may be having affairs, but not in all. you can marry someone that you or your family knows well, someone from a muslim country. i'm sure you will be able to love your wife very much, once your phobias are removed. May Allah help you overcome your phobias.
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Zahida
03-22-2009, 12:35 PM
:sl: Umm ul-Shaheed, put everything very well. I also feel that maybe past events or experiences are making you feel this way. You must put your trust in Allah............... Whatever happens has already been predestined for you.

May Allah ease your difficulties and replace them with ease. Ameen.:w::bump1:
Reply

crayon
03-22-2009, 01:01 PM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab".
Hmmm.. I'm loving the generalizations.:rollseyes

From what you said in your post, you seem to have some sort of issue with the opposite sex, which you should probably sort out before you get married. Otherwise, you would be paranoid, and it would be unfair to your wife.
Reply

S_87
03-22-2009, 01:16 PM
think about the many muslim women who think that of muslim men :)
Reply

nms
03-23-2009, 04:22 AM
Originally Posted by amani
think about the many muslim women who think that of muslim men :)
I agree with this quote. many muslim woman are good and kind.
Reply

Vito
03-23-2009, 05:33 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
:sl:
Should I even be cocncered as a muslim for marriage? I don't think its necessary for one to marry, well that is what i think anyway.

:w:
Is Marriage Compulsory in Islam?

A Muslim always has a choice; he is never forced to do things as long as he knows the consequences of his choice and is fully responsible for the outcome of his actions. Applying this basic concept to marriage, the favored option by Allah is to find a good, pious mate and get married.

Muslims who want to please Allah must not choose celibacy for no reason while they are capable of getting married. And Muslims who are unable to get married for acceptable reasons are still expected to refrain from premarital sex until Allah wills it for them to afford marriage.

Marriage is compulsory for a man if he has the means to easily pay the dower and to support a wife and children; he is healthy; and he fears that if does not marry he may be tempted to commit fornication.

Marriage is also compulsory for a woman if she has no other means of maintaining herself and she fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication.

But even for a person who has a strong will to control his/her sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him/her away from his/her devotion to Allah, marriage is commendable.

The general opinion is that if a person, male or female, fears that if he/she does not marry he/she will commit fornication, then marriage becomes wajib (obligatory). If a person has strong sexual urges, then it becomes wajib for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed, especially if one has the means.

Marriage is not recommended for a man who does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, who has no sex drive, or who dislikes children.

The Qur’an and the Sunnah clearly show that marriage is a mithaq—a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter that can be taken lightly. One should follow the Islamic rules for selecting a mate for life, and should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one.
Taken from www.readingislam.com
Reply

anonymous
03-25-2009, 01:06 AM
:sl:

I don't have phobia. However, I suppose I did have a bad childhood. Most females along with males did bully me, verbally. Then you add my parents fighting, mostly my dad. I began to hate girls. They should not exist at all, this is before I came to Islam. I do have a muslim family, its just nobody ever had the time, nor effort to pay attention to me especially regards to Islam. So I found my way through in the end, alhamdulilah.

Typical, for female users to say "men do the same or worse". Not necessarily, according to statistics, its the women.

But thats just another talk, another argument. I suppose, the verbal bullying has created deep hatred. It's not like i would hate those who get abused, mistreated, disrespected, but those who are corrupted.

I wouldn't dare to mistreat a women/girl who is pious, respectful and kind. But the ones who do create trouble just for their selfish "womenly" cause, makes me want to do something about it.

I feel confused many times and I know for sure a psychologist CANNOT resolve my issue, I can reason things out, but this I can not. I've actually gotten proposal from actual sisters, but what did I say to them, you can find someone better im not worth your time.

As far as the marriage goes, yes I already know I shouldn't get involved. My mom disagrees with me, she believes I am not capable of haramming any women. So the issue is, do I just keep making dua and leave it to Allah swt because that is what I do for most of everything. Or is there some way, I should try to stop thinking this way. I barely talked to any girl in high school. I don't think I even had any female friends in my life. I've kept myself distant, that made my friends believe im gay, when I am not. So that is another issue as well. Why does the society fucntion this way now? You must be with a female, unless your "homosexual orientated"?

That just upsets me and annoys me so much. Why are muslim women trying to be so into their career rather than paying attention to their kids and family! I had a grudge with my mom over that, but she said that my dad wouldn't finanicially support us besides providing a house and a meal. Other expensives were not "his responsbility".

=\ I feel completely lost now. Sorry, forget this. It was stupid anyway to attempt at it.

thanks for all youre responeses everyone.

:w:
Reply

coddles76
03-25-2009, 01:35 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
:sl:
This site has benefited me a lot, so I think it would be better if i start off here. I have an issue that I should've addressed earilier, but failed to. My mother has recently started to talk about engagement sort of thing. However, I told her bluntly as i can, I don't want to. Not particularly due to typical circumstances, but the fact I don't think I can handle marriage at all. I am very against it. I can't imagine myself loving a woman, and all of that comes along. I am not gay, just to make things clear. I've seen horrible things happen in marraige, i.e, constant arguments, physical abuse, and worse of al cheating. More women are actually having an affair, becoming more "manly" and think their all that. They annoy me. Not that I would go on a killing-spree or something, but it's just i dont trust them at all. I used to distrust my own mother for some time. I'll always have in mind, that this woman is up to something that is not good, shes plotting to kill me lol, it sounds funny but thats what i think. I don't know what to do. I don't like the idea of marriage due to these issues with me. Most muslim women are cheating, running off, and lying constantly and these are the ones who wear "hijab". Like what is up with that? And think they can do what men can do. Should I even be cocncered as a muslim for marriage? I don't think its necessary for one to marry, well that is what i think anyway.

:w:
There are many righteous and very decent females out there. My wife is one of them. Generalising won't help your mental state either and you have to make dua constantly to try to remove this state from your thinking, Allah SWT has created both the man and women for a reason and Allah SWT says:

[Quran 7:189]It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love).
Reply

anonymous
03-25-2009, 01:56 AM
Originally Posted by coddles76
There are many righteous and very decent females out there. My wife is one of them. Generalising won't help your mental state either and you have to make dua constantly to try to remove this state from your thinking, Allah SWT has created both the man and women for a reason and Allah SWT says:

[Quran 7:189]It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love).
Yeah That is what I keep telling myself. I have this doubtfulness in me. I suppose I am a type of person who prefers to know things are going to be done this way and that is that. The uncertainity that is present, is making me this way.

Jazakallah.
Reply

alcurad
03-25-2009, 02:23 AM
it's not as bad as you make it brother, moat women are actually not so bad_really:)-give it time and any problem is solved, don't fret too much about crossing a bridge you might never have to cross, that is, don't go into dark broodings before knowing enough. it'll be alright, if you want it to be, and remember, how we see others is really a reflection of ourselves.
don't worry, have faith in God and strive to better yourself, the rest is going to fall in place:)
Reply

coddles76
03-25-2009, 03:21 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Yeah That is what I keep telling myself. I have this doubtfulness in me. I suppose I am a type of person who prefers to know things are going to be done this way and that is that. The uncertainity that is present, is making me this way.

Jazakallah.
The doubtfulness is a mixture of insecurity and the shaytaan trying to steer you off the things that could lead you to goodness. Marriage is suppossed to steer you into a path of righteousness and completes half your faith, the shaytaan dislikes that you get married and have a succesful companionship and sends his soldiers everyday trying to break down those successful marriages. Try to seek refuge in Allah SWT from the cursed Shaytaan.
May Allah SWT protect us all from his evil promptings inshAllah
Reply

anonymous
04-17-2009, 11:08 PM
What I hate is this. Not htat I want to pick a certain ethncity i am sure others are same. But recently many and i mean, many pakistani muslim women end up marrying either a sikh guy, or hindu guy. Or they are married with kids, and run away with either of those two. This is what bogs me down. Like, WHY? Why? Especially for married ones! Why do they have to do this? Do they really want to go to hell? and riot in there? Thats why I decided not to get married, regardless. I don't trust any women in these times, they are liars, and commit adultery more than men do. From what I hear and seen, its enough to make me not to marry at all. Its disgusting how these women , pakistani ones can go so far. I feel ashammed of it, yet they don't!
Reply

FatimaAsSideqah
04-17-2009, 11:21 PM
:sl:

I can understand your feelings brother.

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbors. And I command you to take good care of the women.’ (Bukhari)

Even when women misbehave, tolerance and not violence is recommended, as a way to solve the problem. The Prophet (pbuh) said:

‘No believing man should hate a believing woman, if he hates one of her manners, he should be satisfied with another.’

The same meaning is repeated in a heavenly advice for husbands through the Qur'an - the holy book of Muslims – that says:

... live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (Surah 4 Verse 19)

I just put the facts on here.

Not all of women are bad because many many plenty of pious, believers women out there. Trust me. :)
Reply

Cabdullahi
04-17-2009, 11:26 PM
''More women are actually having an affair, becoming more''

more women are alone at home while their husbands are away spending time in titty bars
Reply

seeker-of-light
04-17-2009, 11:36 PM
sorry, but from my experience guys cheat on their wives much more commonly than women cheat on husbands. this is why i am paranoid about guys and marriage, because i have had an abusive relationship with a man previously that really affected me badly. i would suggest at least getting over your biases towards women though, while right now i am afraid of any kind of commitment to a guy i do have respect for them. while there are some bad women, not ALL women are bad. perhaps you have had some negative experiences, however i would not allow this to develop into dislike or general annoyance against women thinking that they are all like this. i know i am not like this=s
Reply

ATHEISTofPEACE
04-17-2009, 11:54 PM
Originally Posted by amani
think about the many muslim women who think that of muslim men :)
This topic really falls out of the religon. Some men fell this way about woman, some woman about men. I think the op needs a doctor.
Reply

ATHEISTofPEACE
04-17-2009, 11:56 PM
Really is there a point to saying who cheats more and why? It is just going to be stippulation based on stero types and personal expeinces. I think it would be best to say some people cheat.
Reply

FatimaAsSideqah
04-17-2009, 11:59 PM
^^ I have to say, I am agree with you. Let to say 50:50.
Reply

xxxx2
04-18-2009, 12:00 AM
it is strange how we are concerened more for the others than for our own self!

Allah has ordered us to save our self first!!! <<why do we bother with others more>>> from the hell fire secondly our family
<<have we done this commandment?

lets forget what the rest our doing lets get back in track our self first learn our deen and practise and be patient in it and call to it.

and as for not getting married;

{And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad ), and made for them wives and offspring. And it was not for a Messenger to bring a sign except by Allaah's Leave. (For) each and every matter there is a Decree (from Allaah).} (Soorah ar-Ra'd, Aayah 38)

And the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) also married, and he said:

«Indeed, I marry women. So, whoever goes against my Sunnah, then he is not from me.»

Because of this, the scholars have said: "marriage for one who experiences desires is better than voluntary acts of worship, since it entails much good"

having said that i think u should look out you may have magic done on you so do check your self ,Allah knows Best


again lets look at our self and not let others stuff concern us if Allah wills you learn more about deen you will get to see and know inshallah there are many muslimah good ones ,

, now if we look at other side ourselves, MAN, it is actually mostly our fault becouse we have lost control of our duties to support and protect our dignity , if we were to learn righteous knowledge and apply it in our homes surely women and kids will be better but it is the man then women fault cos we also knwo that women in genaral aspect are weaker than man so what do you expect ?

open your eyes cos you wont find a man like the sahaba nor a women like the wifes of sahaba so wake up come to reality dont blame others but our own self learn learn and learn the deen, help the truth by learning it !


and to end Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) has said:

«O youthful people, if any of you have the means to, he should get married, as it lowers the eyesight and protects the private parts. Those who have not the ability to do so should fast, as it will be a shield for him». This was recorded by al-Bukhaaree and Muslim.

The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) also said:

«If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, then will be tribulations in the land and great evil». This was recorded by at-Tirmidhee with a hasan chain.
Reply

xxxx2
04-18-2009, 12:09 AM
it is strange how we are concerened more for the others than for our own self!

Allah has ordered us to save our self first!!! <<why do we bother with others more>>> from the hell fire secondly our family
<<have we done this commandment?

lets forget what the rest our doing lets get back in track our self first learn our deen and practise and be patient in it and call to it.

and as for not getting married;

{And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad ), and made for them wives and offspring. And it was not for a Messenger to bring a sign except by Allaah's Leave. (For) each and every matter there is a Decree (from Allaah).} (Soorah ar-Ra'd, Aayah 38)

And the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) also married, and he said:

«Indeed, I marry women. So, whoever goes against my Sunnah, then he is not from me.»

Because of this, the scholars have said: "marriage for one who experiences desires is better than voluntary acts of worship, since it entails much good"

having said that i think u should look out you may have magic done on you so do check your self ,Allah knows Best


again lets look at our self and not let others stuff concern us if Allah wills you learn more about deen you will get to see and know inshallah there are many muslimah good ones ,

, now if we look at other side ourselves, MAN, it is actually mostly our fault becouse we have lost control of our duties to support and protect our dignity , if we were to learn righteous knowledge and apply it in our homes surely women and kids will be better but it is the man then women fault cos we also knwo that women in genaral aspect are weaker than man so what do you expect ?

open your eyes cos you wont find a man like the sahaba nor a women like the wifes of sahaba so wake up come to reality dont blame others but our own self learn learn and learn the deen, help the truth by learning it !


and to end Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) has said:

«O youthful people, if any of you have the means to, he should get married, as it lowers the eyesight and protects the private parts. Those who have not the ability to do so should fast, as it will be a shield for him». This was recorded by al-Bukhaaree and Muslim.

The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) also said:

«If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, then will be tribulations in the land and great evil». This was recorded by at-Tirmidhee with a hasan chain.
Reply

ATHEISTofPEACE
04-18-2009, 12:28 AM
Originally Posted by albani
cos we also knwo that women in genaral aspect are weaker than man so what do you expect ?

.
I do not know this.
Reply

Sahabiyaat
04-18-2009, 09:34 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
What I hate is this. Not htat I want to pick a certain ethncity i am sure others are same. But recently many and i mean, many pakistani muslim women end up marrying either a sikh guy, or hindu guy. Or they are married with kids, and run away with either of those two. This is what bogs me down. Like, WHY? Why? Especially for married ones! Why do they have to do this? Do they really want to go to hell? and riot in there? Thats why I decided not to get married, regardless. I don't trust any women in these times, they are liars, and commit adultery more than men do. From what I hear and seen, its enough to make me not to marry at all. Its disgusting how these women , pakistani ones can go so far. I feel ashammed of it, yet they don't!
im a pakistani muslim girl.:)


anyway,do u really think if the husbands of these woman who run away (not cheat, because there is NO excuse for cheating on your spouse),were to treat them just as the prophet did his wives, their wives would leave them?

It is because they are mistreated, neglected, abused, and taken for as an object, that they finally break and want a way out.You are very narrow minded if you think, one sunny morning they have this sudden impulse to pack their bags because THEY are decietful/cheating/impious etc..


Why are you taking the e.g of other peoples marriages? and on that basis, refusing proposals and choosing celibacy?.ll you need to do is open you mind a bit and look for the right person with the qualities you find attractive.

Its not impossible my brother, as impossible as it may seem sometimes, and i know this is SO cheesy, but there is somone out there for you! .And treat her like you would glass, as that is how they prophet described us, because glass breaks easily. :)
:w:
Reply

Zahida
04-18-2009, 12:21 PM
:sl: Little one every step of your life is undoubtfullness as you put it .............. you are just jumping to conclusions and not really giving anything a chance.............you need to learn to tackle and face difficulties as they arise and if you put your trust in Allah 100% then there are no obstacles because He will always guide you.............

You need to try and stop being so negative, everyone has had some bad experience of some sort there is no such thing as PERFECT................:D:w:
Originally Posted by anonymous
Yeah That is what I keep telling myself. I have this doubtfulness in me. I suppose I am a type of person who prefers to know things are going to be done this way and that is that. The uncertainity that is present, is making me this way.

Jazakallah.
Reply

Nihila
04-18-2009, 12:52 PM
^ Agree with the above!

There are, no doubt, many many good women out there. And men. :D

We cannot base our lives around the experiences of others. If we did it's unlikely we'd ever leave our homes for fear of everything bad that could happen. Those men who have had wives of the nature you described, you are not them. It makes complete sense that you don't want to get married and wind up in a similar relationship to that of your parents. But you are not them.

There is good and bad in everyone; it's up to you to make things work for yourself. I agree entirely with an earlier post which suggested it all begins with you. If you take responsibility for yourself, do what you need to do and are striving for good; there's nothing you can't handle, God willing.

Take care of you before you attempt to take care of anyone else.
Reply

anonymous
04-18-2009, 07:39 PM
Originally Posted by FatimaAsSideqah
:sl:

I can understand your feelings brother.

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbors. And I command you to take good care of the women.’ (Bukhari)

Even when women misbehave, tolerance and not violence is recommended, as a way to solve the problem. The Prophet (pbuh) said:

‘No believing man should hate a believing woman, if he hates one of her manners, he should be satisfied with another.’

The same meaning is repeated in a heavenly advice for husbands through the Qur'an - the holy book of Muslims – that says:

... live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. (Surah 4 Verse 19)

I just put the facts on here.

Not all of women are bad because many many plenty of pious, believers women out there. Trust me. :)
Thanks sister. I am very well aware of all of them :).

Originally Posted by albani
it is strange how we are concerened more for the others than for our own self!

Allah has ordered us to save our self first!!! <<why do we bother with others more>>> from the hell fire secondly our family
<<have we done this commandment?

lets forget what the rest our doing lets get back in track our self first learn our deen and practise and be patient in it and call to it.

and as for not getting married;

{And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad ), and made for them wives and offspring. And it was not for a Messenger to bring a sign except by Allaah's Leave. (For) each and every matter there is a Decree (from Allaah).} (Soorah ar-Ra'd, Aayah 38)

And the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) also married, and he said:

«Indeed, I marry women. So, whoever goes against my Sunnah, then he is not from me.»

Because of this, the scholars have said: "marriage for one who experiences desires is better than voluntary acts of worship, since it entails much good"

having said that i think u should look out you may have magic done on you so do check your self ,Allah knows Best


again lets look at our self and not let others stuff concern us if Allah wills you learn more about deen you will get to see and know inshallah there are many muslimah good ones ,

, now if we look at other side ourselves, MAN, it is actually mostly our fault becouse we have lost control of our duties to support and protect our dignity , if we were to learn righteous knowledge and apply it in our homes surely women and kids will be better but it is the man then women fault cos we also knwo that women in genaral aspect are weaker than man so what do you expect ?

open your eyes cos you wont find a man like the sahaba nor a women like the wifes of sahaba so wake up come to reality dont blame others but our own self learn learn and learn the deen, help the truth by learning it !


and to end Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) has said:

«O youthful people, if any of you have the means to, he should get married, as it lowers the eyesight and protects the private parts. Those who have not the ability to do so should fast, as it will be a shield for him». This was recorded by al-Bukhaaree and Muslim.

The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) also said:

«If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, you should marry him. If you do not do so, then will be tribulations in the land and great evil». This was recorded by at-Tirmidhee with a hasan chain.
Brother, there is no magic in me. Nothing is wrong with me. The issue is, these women are too sexualized. They can't control themselves. Why should I pay the price of her being stupid? I haven't had any girlfriend, or any relation with any girl whatsoever. How am I able to prevent myself, yet these women can not? My family isn't the best, its actually not even on average. Yet, I am able to be a good muslim practising bro as i can be to the max.

Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
im a pakistani muslim girl.:)


anyway,do u really think if the husbands of these woman who run away (not cheat, because there is NO excuse for cheating on your spouse),were to treat them just as the prophet did his wives, their wives would leave them?

It is because they are mistreated, neglected, abused, and taken for as an object, that they finally break and want a way out.You are very narrow minded if you think, one sunny morning they have this sudden impulse to pack their bags because THEY are decietful/cheating/impious etc..


Why are you taking the e.g of other peoples marriages? and on that basis, refusing proposals and choosing celibacy?.ll you need to do is open you mind a bit and look for the right person with the qualities you find attractive.

Its not impossible my brother, as impossible as it may seem sometimes, and i know this is SO cheesy, but there is somone out there for you! .And treat her like you would glass, as that is how they prophet described us, because glass breaks easily. :)
:w:
No offense to you sis, but I am open minded. Apparently, sisters such as you , claiming that "men like us" are narrow minded and did I mention "uneducated" are the only lamest reason to give. These husbands Did not abuse them at all, they did everything they could for them! They are not bad, trust me. And hypotheticaly, in marriages issues do arise. However, there are ways to dealt with them. This does not mean, if the wife is being unloved, she should seek haraam ways of doing so. IF that is the case, the women is at fault, being weak, and has fallen for shai'taan. Don't blame everything on men, there are certain responsbilites for a wife, no matter what.

Originally Posted by Nihila
^ Agree with the above!

There are, no doubt, many many good women out there. And men. :D

We cannot base our lives around the experiences of others. If we did it's unlikely we'd ever leave our homes for fear of everything bad that could happen. Those men who have had wives of the nature you described, you are not them. It makes complete sense that you don't want to get married and wind up in a similar relationship to that of your parents. But you are not them.

There is good and bad in everyone; it's up to you to make things work for yourself. I agree entirely with an earlier post which suggested it all begins with you. If you take responsibility for yourself, do what you need to do and are striving for good; there's nothing you can't handle, God willing.

Take care of you before you attempt to take care of anyone else.
I can take care of myself more than anyone else. I have never troubled my parents about anything or anyone else. I've learned to deal with life's issue. The case is that, trusting another woman is something I don't like, especially now adays. Right, again i am going to say it. The men do the best they can, yet these women still want more. I am speaking from experience here. The husband asked his wife, and she replied "I just don't love you anymore, I like thsi other man, he is better". What do you have to say to that then?

That is a real quote. An imaam's wife had committed adultery, far worse. And he's been very good to her, she said samething "I just don't love you anymore, i love someone else, he is better". I'm sorry, but I don't want to handle that kind of B.S.

I doubt any of you will understand what I am trying to convey here. But few of the posts, had suggest that There are good women and if its luck or fate on my side, i'll meet one. But there are good men who are betrayed and hurt like that, and I'm sure many of you watch news and seen such cases.

Thanks for posting and everything, appreciate it.
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Mysterious Uk
04-18-2009, 07:58 PM
To put it simply: If you don't want to ge married then don't, at least not until some of your feelings towards women are a bit resolved. To be honest it wouldn't be fair on a future wife if you think she is potentially a cheat or untrustworthy.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but just being honest really.
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Ali.
04-18-2009, 08:04 PM
Bro', what are you?

Are you martian?

You're human.

Every human is a human.

You say you are open-minded.

As practising as you say you are, you being human, don't you think there are other humans who share your attitudes? Humans are male and female.

:)
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-18-2009, 08:14 PM
If you are not ready dont marry
Reply

Yanal
04-18-2009, 10:39 PM
You will have to marry some time. Here's my advice: find a sister suitable for a basic wife,note all small details and ask questions and see if she hesitates don't ask her FBI kind of questions rather east going ones. Post all questions here.
Source: whatever came into my mind while reading this.
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أبو سليمان عمر
04-18-2009, 10:48 PM
Originally Posted by Yanal
You will have to marry some time. Here's my advice: find a sister suitable for a basic wife,note all small details and ask questions and see if she hesitates don't ask her FBI kind of questions rather east going ones. Post all questions here.
Source: whatever came into my mind while reading this.
what do you mean by (ask questions and see if she hesitates) ?
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-18-2009, 10:55 PM
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marrying women who are religiously committed, as he said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466.

Who is the woman who is religiously committed?
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/96584
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Ummu Sufyaan
04-19-2009, 12:58 PM
:sl:
To put it simply: If you don't want to ge married then don't, at least not until some of your feelings towards women are a bit resolved. To be honest it wouldn't be fair on a future wife if you think she is potentially a cheat or untrustworthy.
ditto...akhee, if that's your attitude towards women, quite frankly she's better off with someone who appreciates her and trusts her... :rollseyes

would you want your wife to think of you like that...
Reply

Mujahidah4Allah
04-19-2009, 01:12 PM
:sl:

Besides the story of the imam have you also seen this experience of these type of women within your own home? Pious and righteous women are slightly hard to seek, but it doesn't mean they don't exist, maybe you should read about leading ladies in Islam to clear some sort of doubt thats within?

wa/salam
Reply

burdenofbeing
04-19-2009, 01:23 PM
A shrink will help. It's natural that you think it won't. It WILL help.
Reply

Najm
04-19-2009, 01:44 PM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu


All this help and advise is great to hear, and most are really good.

First of all, you MUST be a very pious brother > near perfect, so your concerned about all these women, because your clearly the best, and all the women are the worst.


I noticed a very big problem with the opening post. Big problem.......Your blaming your "problems" to be women.

Your not prepared to take any blame, its all about the women, they did this and that. They wear hijab and be bad etc etc etc

And maybe its your understanding but in reality most women are respectful, loving and caring etc. Its usually the men who abuse them etc Do you expect your mum to take it when your dad abuses your mum all the time? I dont think so.

Hijab or non-hijab, muslim or non-muslim. We are all humans, and humans make mistake. I can surely tell you, that your not perfect, we all have done things we regret. Lets stop blaming others and taking things out of context to prove a point. We never know why something, happens without the whole story. They are just all rumours. Stop listening.


If you think that "pakistani" women are like this and that then clearly you havent seen enough. Lets not indulge in other peoples business, cause only Allah (Subhana WaTa'ala) knows all.

Why dont you have courage and be the better man? You stayed away from "girls" from high school > thats great!! Dont think your "only" one cause you arent.

Get married, and show how its done. Be the best husband you can, and if you do that then you will surely have the best wife with you, because she will have respect for you....and love grows, and when that happens then all the negatives of life disappears.

Dont base your life on other people, cause you dont know all. You get to live your life the way you want. Have the right attitude, Islam teaches us the right attitude. If you yourself have the right attitude there wont be any problems. Show respect. Be humble. Be Patient.

Teach yourself to respect others especially women.

FiAmaaniAllah
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TrueStranger
04-19-2009, 09:17 PM
:sl:

You are too concerned about the lives of others bro and very quick at generalizing and spilling the faults of others. You can’t easily criticize others without knowing their situation and what lead to it. And enough with the blaming game, and who is more licentious. You speak about personal experiences, yet you claim to have never been involved with a woman, so what are these “personal experiences” you speak about other then them “verbally bullying” you? You are holding serious grudges bro, which are not healthy for you. Accusing others of committing adultery is a serious claim, especially when you didn’t see them committing such an act with your own two eyes. So I suggest you stop such degrading accusations that are based on hearsay!

If you don’t want to get married, then don’t. You are a grown man, tell your mom what little trust you have for women, I am sure she will understand.

Salaam
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Yanal
04-19-2009, 09:19 PM
If she hesitates she's a nice women because she has not done anything bad enought to practice that question for when someone asks it.

It's ok if you don't worry only genius people recognize hard core grammar.
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Zahida
04-19-2009, 09:29 PM
:sl: Well said sister...............and i know i am not like this and the females in my family are not like this and the females i associate with are not this also....................:bump1::w:
Originally Posted by seeker-of-light
sorry, but from my experience guys cheat on their wives much more commonly than women cheat on husbands. this is why i am paranoid about guys and marriage, because i have had an abusive relationship with a man previously that really affected me badly. i would suggest at least getting over your biases towards women though, while right now i am afraid of any kind of commitment to a guy i do have respect for them. while there are some bad women, not ALL women are bad. perhaps you have had some negative experiences, however i would not allow this to develop into dislike or general annoyance against women thinking that they are all like this. i know i am not like this=s
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Yanal
04-19-2009, 09:33 PM
Affairs are many problems why people are religious hermits...Islamic ones too).
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Woodrow
04-19-2009, 10:17 PM
It is not uncommon for a young man to feel he has no desire to get married. Being married is a big sacrifice and a person needs to have a good deal of maturity before stepping into it.

Many young men will find many excuses not to marry: Such as:: Women cheat, marriage doesn't last, I do not want a wife, I have never seen a good marriage etc etc etc

The simple fact is you may be mature enough to realize you are not ready for marriage. Seek first to assure yourself you are mature enough to marry. Once you know you are ready for marriage, your views about mariage will change.

It is probably a good thing, at this stage of your life, you have negative feelings about marriage. Take your time, be certain you are ready for marriage and after that decide if marriage is for you.
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roohani.doctor
04-20-2009, 03:05 AM
I think brother najm said everything quite nicely.

You seem to blaming all your problems on what you have seen and what you "perceive" women to be. Believe me not all the women out there are like what you think they are.

You say you don't wanna ever get married. That choice is completely your own and if you think you can steer clear of sin for the rest of your life then kudos to you. I;m not saying get married right now. Just that try to forget the girls/boys who verbally abused you and convince yourself that you are worthy enough to be loved and when a pious girl comes along, don't automatically say no.

I really sympathize with you and I wish you would learn to not be so harsh on women. No one is perfect. You have to accept their mistakes in order to be with them.

You say a shrink wont help you but it might. You can go and rant all you want to these people and believe it or not, it'll actually make you feel a lot better and you'll slowly get rid of these thoughts or at least understand why you are so bitter. God bless.
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ahmed_indian
04-20-2009, 01:21 PM
if everybody will think like u bro, the humanity will end soon

the problem is not with women, the problem is with the society in which they are brought up.

maybe u have not come across women who are taught Islamic morals and are Allah-fearing.

otherwise u might sacrifice a lot to marry one of them.
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IbnAbdulHakim
04-20-2009, 05:56 PM
lol


bro as crazy as girls are, not all of them are bad.


fact


my own sisters/cousins etc are proof of that :)
Reply

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