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AnonymousPoster
03-20-2009, 10:34 AM
Someone please advise me.

To make a long story short, I was seeing this guy for about a year (please don't tell me I shouldn't have been in a haram relationship) I already know it was wrong. imsad

I found out 6 months ago that he cheated on me and he was in another serious relaionship all along. I haven't got over him and I can't see it happening :'(

Although I know thisman is not for because of his actions, I still love him very much.

Is it possible for me to make Dua for Allah swt to put me in my ex's heart? :cry:

I'm so upset, I know Allah swt doesn't want me to be with this man but I can't let go it's so hard!!

Is it possible to still make Dua for my ex to fall for me? Afterall Dua can change someone's destiny right? imsad

Please tell I can, I need something to hold onto otherwise I will go insane!!!
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nms
03-20-2009, 10:56 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Someone please advise me.

To make a long story short, I was seeing this guy for about a year (please don't tell me I shouldn't have been in a haram relationship) I already know it was wrong. imsad

I found out 6 months ago that he cheated on me and he was in another serious relaionship all along. I haven't got over him and I can't see it happening :'(

Although I know thisman is not for because of his actions, I still love him very much.

Is it possible for me to make Dua for Allah swt to put me in my ex's heart? :cry:

I'm so upset, I know Allah swt doesn't want me to be with this man but I can't let go it's so hard!!

Is it possible to still make Dua for my ex to fall for me? Afterall Dua can change someone's destiny right? imsad

Please tell I can, I need something to hold onto otherwise I will go insane!!!
i dont know if there is a dua for that, but i do know that everything happens for a reson. as hard as it could be maybe he is not right for you. i think you should try and be strong dont think about him, i know easy said then done, but Allah knows what best.
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Snowflake
03-21-2009, 07:05 AM
Why would you wanna be with a cheat? Come on sis, have some respect for yourself. Avoid falling into sin. You are lucky Allah saved you from more harm. Be grateful, repent, seek forgiveness and avoid which Allah hates. Life can be hunky dory if we follow the right path. :)
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AnonymousPoster
03-21-2009, 12:16 PM
I know he is a cheat, but Allah swt can change peoples hearts. He can change someones destiny if they make dua right?

I'm just looking to olh on to anything at the moment. I can't do simple daily chores without this man in my head.

I am repenting for my sin of being with him before and I am still repenting, but I also want him to be part of my life, I don't want anyone but him. :cry:

How am i ever going to marry someone else if my heart is with this man? He left me 7 mon ths ago and is now playing happy with this other girl while I am left facing the consequenses imsad

But, I still have a little hope that Allah swt can change his heart if I keep making dua. I can't live if I don't have hope....
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~Taalibah~
03-21-2009, 02:42 PM
Sister in Islam, it is better to make Dua asking Allah for what is best for you for He knows best.

Make Dua unto Allah Ta'aala asking Him to please put into your heart that which is good and take out the evil within, And to guide you into good and protect you from evil.
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seeker-of-light
03-21-2009, 10:16 PM
please...you must let go of him, he will only hurt you more sis. i have recently gotten out of a very abusive relationship, he cheated on me all the time and expected me to wait and watch...i wanted him to change, i tried with everything i had to give...but in the end he told me that i was nothing to him, and told me to get lost he never wanted to see me again...
i dont want this to happen to you sis, i dont want you to have to suffer the way that i have. i understand what you mean, and if you need support i am always here for you, i stayed in a relationship for 2 years even though i was being cheated on, unappreciated, and emotionally abused because i loved him and i expected that any day he would change. i will make duaas to allah for you, that you may find the strength to know that you do not deserve to be cheated on, and that you will find much better, 10,000 times better than this man ever treated you!
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AnonymousPoster
03-24-2009, 09:59 AM
Thanks for the replies.

I'm sorry to what happened. imsad

I am extremely depressed about everything going on in my life, Allah swt can change anyones situation with dua. If I don't make dua to be with him, what other hope do I have? :cry:
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Malaikah
03-24-2009, 10:09 AM
:sl:

Sister make dua for Allah to help you get over him and to give you a man who deserves and will appreciated and love you and who you will love more than you could imagine loving this guy who cheated on you!
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AnonymousPoster
03-25-2009, 04:14 PM
I do make Dua to move on from him, but I also make Dua for Allah SWT to put me in his heart.
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Al-Zaara
03-25-2009, 04:22 PM
^ So you are contradicting yourself in your dua? Y'know, God doesn't get confused, but you do. Think about this really throughly.

In my opinion, you dua should be along the lines of getting a righteous Muslim and respecting man who loves you and respects you and will be there for you and your child, be it this man or another.
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AnonymousPoster
03-25-2009, 04:34 PM
Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
^ So you are contradicting yourself in your dua? Y'know, God doesn't get confused, but you do. Think about this really throughly.

In my opinion, you dua should be along the lines of getting a righteous Muslim and respecting man who loves you and respects you and will be there for you and your child, be it this man or another.
I'm not contradicting myself, could just mean that I am making Dua to move on from him, but Allah SWT can still put me in his heart.

Say if I found someone and got married, and my ex was always thinking about me and he called me out of the blue one day to tell me he wants me back etc... I will turn around and tell him, you know what, I have found someone a million times better than you and I have moved on GOODBYE!!

I want him to feel the way he made me feel. That'; why I want to be in his heart even if I move on from him. :cry:
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Woodrow
03-25-2009, 04:43 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I know he is a cheat, but Allah swt can change peoples hearts. He can change someones destiny if they make dua right?

I'm just looking to olh on to anything at the moment. I can't do simple daily chores without this man in my head.

I am repenting for my sin of being with him before and I am still repenting, but I also want him to be part of my life, I don't want anyone but him. :cry:

How am i ever going to marry someone else if my heart is with this man? He left me 7 mon ths ago and is now playing happy with this other girl while I am left facing the consequenses imsad

But, I still have a little hope that Allah swt can change his heart if I keep making dua. I can't live if I don't have hope....

Would not a better Du'a be to have Allaah(swt) send you some one worthy of you and get this low-life out of your thoughts?

Stop and think. If he changes in any way he will no longer be the person you thought you loved. It is possible that you can be put into his heart, but the cost could very well be that as part of that change he may become somebody you can not tolerate.
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Al-Zaara
03-25-2009, 04:45 PM
I knew you'd say that... Don't sister. Really, there is no use. Do you realize he might never want you back again? You are the one left heartbroken here, he was playing you all along. What good will a broken heart of his do to you in the future? And besides, you should put all strength on asking Allah for forgiveness and not asking for a revenge.

You're hurt and depressed, it is not unusual to feel this way now. But you'll think about this later, when you're stronger than before and inshaAllah content about your life.

I really hope for your best, I know this ain't easy, believe me, I really hope Allah will help you.
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Woodrow
03-25-2009, 04:47 PM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I'm not contradicting myself, could just mean that I am making Dua to move on from him, but Allah SWT can still put me in his heart.

Say if I found someone and got married, and my ex was always thinking about me and he called me out of the blue one day to tell me he wants me back etc... I will turn around and tell him, you know what, I have found someone a million times better than you and I have moved on GOODBYE!!

I want him to feel the way he made me feel. That'; why I want to be in his heart even if I move on from him. :cry:
OOOps, I did not read this before I did my above reply.

That sounds like wanting vengence. Very understandable. but, let Allaah(swt) handle the vengence, he is much better at it. Also keep in mind, you have gained, you are on the path to have your sin removed, while Mr. Idiot is blindly going forward into deeper sin.
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AnonymousPoster
03-25-2009, 04:51 PM
Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
I knew you'd say that... Don't sister. Really, there is no use. Do you realize he might never want you back again? You are the one left heartbroken here, he was playing you all along. What good will a broken heart of his do to you in the future? And besides, you should put all strength on asking Allah for forgiveness and not asking for a revenge.

You're hurt and depressed, it is not unusual to feel this way now. But you'll think about this later, when you're stronger than before and inshaAllah content about your life.

I really hope for your best, I know this ain't easy, believe me, I really hope Allah will help you.

Yes I feel like... I feel like.... no words can describe this pain and if I have any little hope of aomething happening, then I am NOT giving it up no matter what anyone says. It is up to Allah swt at the end of the day and He can make ANYTHING happen.

Thanks for yours Duas I really do appreciate it. :)
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Ummu Sufyaan
03-26-2009, 07:11 AM
:sl:
sorry sis, why do you want someone who doesnt want you? really, do explain to me, cos i dont get it!
if someone doesn't want you, why are you wasting your energy on them?

and secondly as mentioned, ask for forgiveness before anything :)
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AnonymousPoster
03-26-2009, 09:25 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
OOOps, I did not read this before I did my above reply.

That sounds like wanting vengence. Very understandable. but, let Allaah(swt) handle the vengence, he is much better at it. Also keep in mind, you have gained, you are on the path to have your sin removed, while Mr. Idiot is blindly going forward into deeper sin.

Alhumdullilah... that has put a bit of light in my heart. Thank you. :statisfie
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AnonymousPoster
03-26-2009, 09:33 AM
Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
:sl:
sorry sis, why do you want someone who doesnt want you? really, do explain to me, cos i dont get it! if someone doesn't want you, why are you wasting your energy on them?

and secondly as mentioned, ask for forgiveness before anything :)

:salamext:

Sis, you will only understand this when you have loved someone so much and they don't love you in return.

You CAN love someone even if they don't love you in return. Love is a very strong feeling and you can't just snap out of it because the other person doesn't love you. It takes time to move on and so what if I am making Dua for him to love me, i'm allowed to have some hope, there is no harm in that.
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Ummu Sufyaan
03-26-2009, 09:55 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:salamext:

Sis, you will only understand this when you have loved someone so much and they don't love you in return.

You CAN love someone even if they don't love you in return.
i dont differ with you. what i dont get, is why do you want them to love you back when they don't feel the same :? :)

i thought it wudda been easier to move on if the other person didnt feel the same. :)
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AnonymousPoster
03-26-2009, 10:03 AM
Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed
i dont differ with you. what i dont get, is why do you want them to love you back when they don't feel the same :? :)

i thought it wudda been easier to move on if the other person didnt feel the same. :)
Let me explain again,

It doesn't make it any easier for me to move on just because he doesn't love me, in fact it makes it that little bit harder. You know how that saying goes "We always want the things we can't have" and "The less they give, the more we want". I hope that clears it up for you.
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Al-Zaara
03-26-2009, 10:44 AM
^ I completely understand you.
Heartache alone hasn't killed anyone but that is where the pain lies.

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
Yes I feel like... I feel like.... no words can describe this pain and if I have any little hope of aomething happening, then I am NOT giving it up no matter what anyone says. It is up to Allah swt at the end of the day and He can make ANYTHING happen.

Thanks for yours Duas I really do appreciate it. :)
I feel bad if you feel I wanted to destroy your hope, very selfish of me to talk like this, I'm not in your shoes. I truly feel you will get over this inshaAllah.

Sister, hold on Allah alone. Because Allah is the most powerful. You don't feel love if He hasn't willed it, neither can you feel relief without Him. InshaAllah, you may read beautiful prayers, do dhikr and the Qur'an, to find yourself that hope and strength, which promises you happiness and peace and which gives you the push to everyday move on.
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AnonymousPoster
03-26-2009, 11:06 AM
Originally Posted by Al-Zaara
^ I completely understand you.
Heartache alone hasn't killed anyone but that is where the pain lies.


I feel bad if you feel I wanted to destroy your hope, very selfish of me to talk like this, I'm not in your shoes. I truly feel you will get over this inshaAllah.

Sister, hold on Allah alone. Because Allah is the most powerful. You don't feel love if He hasn't willed it, neither can you feel relief without Him. InshaAllah, you may read beautiful prayers, do dhikr and the Qur'an, to find yourself that hope and strength, which promises you happiness and peace and which gives you the push to everyday move on.

:salamext:

You didn't destroy my hope, I won't let anyone destroy it :).

Thank you for understanding, after readin that, it bought tears to my eyes. :cry:
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Revert to Peace
03-27-2009, 11:53 AM
[QUOTE=AnonymousGender;1116011]Let me explain again,

It doesn't make it any easier for me to move on just because he doesn't love me, in fact it makes it that little bit harder. You know how that saying goes "We always want the things we can't have" and "The less they give, the more we want".


:sl:

Sis... I have been there too... even at my 'old' age LOL.. and I relate to absolutely everything you say. It is very hard but we have to keep praying, asking for guidance, asking to be shown the right way... even if we deep down know what is right for us yet sometimes we struggle and fight over what Allah swt wants for us, we will eventually listen and submit, as this is the whole point of our deen, to our Rabb as Allah alim. Love should not be so overpowering that it blinds us against reason, understanding, what is actually good for us. So many women stay in abusive relationships because they love someone, even though this person is not good for them. They love the security, the familiarity, they fear being without that person in their life, they know this person has good points, when he is being good, and for those reasons we love that person, but we should not accept the bad times and it's then we need to find the strength to make a decision for the good of ourselves. Also... no man should be the centre of our life.. Allah is the centre of our life.. we love for the sake of Allah.

Walahi la adheem, I do empathise with you sister. Unrequited love is such a paintful experience. If you want to chat, want some support, as love is a tough emotion and at the end of the day we are only human, and dunya is our biggest test, PM me and I will try to be there for you, insha'Allah and take the baby steps with you to understand and move on..

Moving on is a slow process, it takes Allah, strength, lots of tears, plans A-Z!, friends, support, more tears, du'a, du'a, du'a but slowly and surely the sunshine will come out again insha'Allah. It's a bit like grieving. I know it's hard to understand but Allah knows what is best for you and is taking this person from you for a reason. Believe me, you may not know or feel it now but Allah will provide something better. Sister... PM me and we can chat more.

Fi aman Allah
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Yanal
04-28-2009, 03:53 AM
You must move on if he was already in a serious relationship with another women. It's the mistakes we do that cause us agonizing pain. You should have not had a relationship with him at the first place you see ,bad deeds=bad outcomes. And that is the similar situation with you. You should have followed(not stalk) him for a while before entering the relationship with him.

Here's my friends story who is non muslim: He went to India and left his girlfriend while he was gone she dated other guys and he still doesn't know about that,though everyone else knows, no one dares to tell him to break his heart .
That is the problem with todays youth making mistakes. Hope your problem is/will be solved inshAllah. Ameen.
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witness
04-28-2009, 04:48 AM
Asalamualaikum,

Sister...that must be painful and i pray for your pain to be eased by a cool soothing relief..however that comes by.(sorry...assumed ur a sister since u were seeing a guy:))

I understand this dua completely ..only for me it was in a reverse situation and was asking for the feeling to be put in me..although i didn't really want it i , figured it would be good for me. ..i know its contradicting!
Anyway, alhumdulilah i think im sort of there now.
....Its amazing how different situations can make people ask for the same thing...
When i looked at it like this i felt better ...its only because Allah swt wants us to ask sincerely from Him alone that we feel like that (so He can increase His Mercy and Blessings on us) and we do that best when we feel theres nothing else we can do. Emotion is such a powerful motivator...
How beautiful that Allah swt puts us in these situations because He wants us to achieve more than what we would be willing to otherwise.

However...being human ..it hurts... i guess to feel and be in that grief is admitting to our weakness...
and however much we may be running/turning away- :statisfie its Allah swt thats waiting for us with the soothing comfort and strength that we need).

(and asking for the impossible may just testify that we belive Allah swt can do anything :D)..... keeping that in mind... we just need to ask Allah to do what is best for us and make it so that we are totally content and happy with what is best for us...

May Allah swt protect our iman and draw us closer to Him. ameen
Take care
wasalam
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uksister
11-24-2009, 01:42 AM
I have been through the same situation as you but i am still with him. He was cheating on me for a long period but told me that he didn't like the girl and his family was forcing him to get married to her. Everything came in the open to me but he still denies eveything. I was with him for over 6 years and the other girl said she was with him for over 4 years. I love him alot and i think thats what kept us together. I trust him alot now and beleive he has changed because he was young back then. Do duaa inshallah we ge married soon.

To be honest if i was in this situation now i would really leave him. No guy is worth your tears. I was lonely and vunerable back then!!!!
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Insecured soul
11-24-2009, 02:33 AM
imagine the worst possibilities, what if he feels something for u right now but then later he abandons you?? and then ul start thinking that this pain is better than that one?

confort and solace is only in salaat and being steadfast.

do u think ur the 1st one to feel this way? many like you have gone through all this, yeah i know it pains but the problem lies where people cheat and lie and its unislamic.

the best way is islamic way, if u like someone perform istikhara and do marriage and ul find baraka't

wish u all the best sister :)
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جوري
11-24-2009, 02:40 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
I know he is a cheat, but Allah swt can change peoples hearts. He can change someones destiny if they make dua right?

....
Then why don't you make du3a that Allah swt frees you from your bondage and replace this heartache with what is better?.. It isn't love what you are experiencing love is tender and kind and has no wants from either end.

I know that when you fall in love for the first time, you think no one in the world has felt this way before and no one ever will.. take it from someone who has spent yrs chasing delusions it isn't worth all this emotion, channel all those feelings for something beneficial and know that no effort great or small goes unaccounted for with Allah swt..

I will put on the table for your consideration a week or two worth of fast, or fast until you start to feel better.. there is a reason that Allah swt prescribes such rituals for us in our time of woe, there really is healing in them..

may Allah swt make it easy on you, bless you and grant you that which is better

ameen
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Dagless
11-24-2009, 02:47 AM
If he has cheated on you how can you ever trust this guy again? Even if he comes back he might do this kind of thing again and, if you are married with kids, this situation right now will seem like a walk in the park.

I understand what you're going through but even you cannot think this way all the time. I am sure some moments of the day it clicks in your head that this guy is not for you, that he would not bring you joy and that you only want him for what has passed, not who he is now. If you were to imagine right now you had him would you even want him?

I don't want to use the word 'karma' but... generally in life, when people are dishonest and cause grief like this, it comes back and bites them in the a**. Maybe you will get the chance to tell him to get lost, maybe you won't, but don't assume he is living happily ever after.

Anyway keep praying since what you ask for is your business. Pour it all out to God. He already knows what you want and what is best for you. If its meant to be it will be. If not then consider yourself saved from a cheat.
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CuteStuff
11-24-2009, 11:28 AM
Originally Posted by uksister
I have been through the same situation as you but i am still with him. He was cheating on me for a long period but told me that he didn't like the girl and his family was forcing him to get married to her. Everything came in the open to me but he still denies eveything. I was with him for over 6 years and the other girl said she was with him for over 4 years. I love him alot and i think thats what kept us together. I trust him alot now and beleive he has changed because he was young back then. Do duaa inshallah we ge married soon.

To be honest if i was in this situation now i would really leave him. No guy is worth your tears. I was lonely and vunerable back then!!!!
Well your in the same boat as the initial poster, and No you would not have left him - you been with him for 6 years and he cheated on you for four of those years.. and you have still stuck by him.

If someone has cheated on someone why would you want to stick around - it shows you are second best. Plus this will happen when haraam relationships are invovled - hence we shouldnt be doing them.
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