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AnonymousPoster
03-21-2009, 10:02 PM
i commited a grave sin in my past...and it is still haunting me to this day, i am even ashamed to post this anonymously because it is that bad...
i was in a relationship with a guy who i really loved, and for awhile it was good. it was only an online relationship, but it really helped me when i was suffering alot in school because i was very alienated and abused by my peers but then, things started spiraling downwards, he began saying very cruel abusive things to me, he made me feel as a lesser, worthless human being. but because i loved him, and maybe my naiiveness too, i stayed with him...no matter what he said or did to me
my self esteem dropped so low, i felt like the worst person on earth because i was bothered by him so much....i was never good enough. then he asked me to do something, and i really dont understand why i did it but i did...and i will regret it for rest of my life. he asked me to take a sexual picture of myself...and since i only wanted make him happy i did...well he stopped verbally beating up on me, for a little while, then he started again
i guess that was my fault, for staying with him for so long...but i felt trapped and that there was no other way, i had no support, i had not embraced islam yet and hadnt even heard of it. i am sure there are some people who have done worse...but it always bothers me, because i dont know even if he still has those pictures or not...it makes me very uneasy because while i cover myself up in hijab now i know what horrible sin i did...i cant even sleep at night because of it
first, for any girls like this who feel like they are helpless, dont EVER do what i did. you will regret it the rest of your life.
second, i want to ask, what can i do now? i have asked for allah's forgiveness, but i cannot forgive myself for what i have done, for my stupidity...does anyone have any advice for me? i understand that what i have done is wrong, and i have learned from my mistakes, but i am so afraid...
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Ummu Sufyaan
03-22-2009, 07:19 AM
:sl:
first, for any girls like this who feel like they are helpless, dont EVER do what i did. you will regret it the rest of your life.
id like to add to that as well. seriously sisters if a guy's serious about you, he'd ask to see your wali/mahrams i,e for marriage...if he runs from that that he doesn't have yours (or his) best interests at heart....unless/until then, imo he's messin with ya head/heart...he ain't worth the trouble quite frankly...
and vise versa for the brothers...

second, i want to ask, what can i do now? i have asked for allah's forgiveness, but i cannot forgive myself for what i have done, for my stupidity...does anyone have any advice for me? i understand that what i have done is wrong, and i have learned from my mistakes, but i am so afraid...
if you have repented and changed your way, i cant commend you enough :D
read this too :)
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ml#post1035182

sis, somethign very important i have learnt in my life is not to worry about somethign that isn't in your control...you're just cause yourself more anxiety and fear...fear and anxiety are normal but sis in the same way that there is a chance of him doing somethign bad with them pics is the same way that there is a possibility that he wont :)...
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Snowflake
03-22-2009, 09:53 AM
Oh sis my heart goes out to you. I understand you did what you did before you accepted Islam. Allah purified you when you accepted Islam. alhumdulillah,we can never be grateful enough to Him for His kindness and Mercy to us. :cry:

Are you afraid he might misuse your pic? If so, then please don't fear, inshaAllah, Allah will protect you. Make dua to Allah to guard your honour sis. And know that Allah subhana wa tala says that He is as He is as His servant expects Him to be. Expect His mercy and blessings and protection and He will grant them to you inshaAllah. His Dominion is over all things and His mercy for all His Creation and especially for the believers. Let go of your fear sis. May Allah be with you. Ameen.


Hadith Qudsi 15:
On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Allah the Almighty said:
I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.

(1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be". The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty.

It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).
http://www.iiu.edu.my/deed/hadith/ot...dithqudsi.html
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Zahida
03-22-2009, 12:41 PM
:sl: Go to the police get the picture back............... this man is not to be trusted and will make your life a living **** as he is already doing...... You must to this to protect yourself..................

Well done on embracing Islam and also you have realised that what you did in the past was wrong and seeking repentance from Allah is the first step. Allah is forgiving little one, so please stop torturing yourself about this..........

I strongly feel you should involve the police and get the picture back...............

May Allah ease your affairs.:w::)
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Tony
03-22-2009, 12:57 PM
I agree with Zahida, go to police and get your photo, there will be things you can set in place to stop him showing anyone else these photos.
Would be interested to know how old you both were at time of photo as there are obvious implications for this guy around child protection laws. Hope you resolve situation im sure the sisters on this forum will offer you support throughout whatever ensues. May Allah protect and guide you
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Snowflake
03-22-2009, 02:04 PM
^I disagree. Going to the police will enable other people to see the pic(s). Trust in Allah is the best thing. Make dua that he hasn't got the pics anymore and if he has Allah causes him to lose them. InshaAllah. Dua and dua and more dua is your weapon against evil.
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elee
03-22-2009, 05:24 PM
sis, I wouldn't be so worried in your place, where does all that your worry and paranoia come from?? Are you worried because you think he may do something bad with ur pics, or because you sent him nude pics? You did a bad thing, but in my opinion it's his fault, he's obviously idiot, don't ever let person like him lower's your self esteem. Your fault is because you let him abuse you and sent pics, but we ain't perfect and make mistakes. you learned a lesson. in future don't commit sins and if someone will abuse you in spite of that, move away from him.

:w:
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Zahida
03-22-2009, 06:37 PM
:sl: My honest opinion on this is that she should try and get the pictures back.......... this guy sounds like a monster there is no garuntee what he might do................ If the sis involves the police and gets her pictures back then this matter can be put to sleep, at the moment she is paranoid because this man does still posess those pictures..............our sis deserves to be able to live her life in peace not worrying about her past and what might happen, therefore i feel she should take matters into her hand whilst she has the chance.................. the police are there to help not judge, If they see the pictures it would not matter so much, they probably come across this kind of thing regularly...............but if the pics are used in any other way she has will be scarred for life.............................:w::thumbs_up
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muslimah 4 life
03-22-2009, 06:55 PM
:sl:

My dear sister when you accepted the true religion of islam ALL your previous sins were forgiven so stop worrying that Allah swt won't forgive you. Allah is most forgiving and most merciful.

I don't think you should aggravate the issue. If he was going to do something he most likely would have done it by now. Just pray to Allah and inshallah Allah will continue to cover your sin as he has done so far.

:w:
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Snowflake
03-22-2009, 07:33 PM
Sis Zahida, you are absolutely right our sis deserves to live without worrying. No one can make the guy give 'back' the pics, since the relationship was online suggesting that the pics would've bee sent over the internet. Also it was in the past. Allah willing he won't have the pics by now. May have reformatted pc etc? He might've copied to disk and police wouldn't know. All that will happen is the police might get to see them if they are still on his PC. I strongly doubt they are. I don't like the idea of a sis\s pic passing infront of more eyes. Nothing is beyond Allah. Dua is enough to protect one against evil as Allah is the only One who can prevent harm. Our dua is that Allah protects our sister(s) against the evil within themselves and others. Ameen.

Sis should make the following duaa inshaAllah

What to say if you fear people may harm you

132. Allaahummak-fineehim bimaa shi'ta.

O Allah, suffice (i.e. protect) me against them however You wish.

Reference: Muslim 4/2300.

http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/
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Zahida
03-22-2009, 10:51 PM
:sl: ^^^ I do agree with you sis............. InshaAllah Allah will protect her and what she did in innocence is forgiven..................

I am just wound about about this idiotic man!!! Sorry feeling very lightheaded log off sleep.:w::bump1:
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AnonymousPoster
03-27-2009, 10:21 PM
thank you everyone, your words are very comforting for me. i still am afraid, and i dont think the police would be able to help since it was an online relationship, just one that he manipulated my emotions and thoughts even after i had logged off. once again thank you everyone for your support, i ask that you make duaas for me that no more eyes will see those pictures and that they will be deleted...
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mathematician
03-28-2009, 01:23 AM
salamu 'alaykum sister,
have you ever heard of "Times heals everything"? or "don't cry over spilled milk"?
Those 2 statements are powerful. Think about their meaning and be happy.
This was an unfortunate situation my sister, but praise be to Allah that it wasn't so bad. When Umar ibn Khattab (a companion of the prophet Muhammad peace be upon him) said "when I go through a hardship, I think of 3 things. (1) things could have been a lot worse. (2) the reward for this hardship is greater than the hardship itself. (3) my faith is unshakable".
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wth1257
03-28-2009, 06:15 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
i commited a grave sin in my past...and it is still haunting me to this day, i am even ashamed to post this anonymously because it is that bad...
i was in a relationship with a guy who i really loved, and for awhile it was good. it was only an online relationship, but it really helped me when i was suffering alot in school because i was very alienated and abused by my peers but then, things started spiraling downwards, he began saying very cruel abusive things to me, he made me feel as a lesser, worthless human being. but because i loved him, and maybe my naiiveness too, i stayed with him...no matter what he said or did to me
my self esteem dropped so low, i felt like the worst person on earth because i was bothered by him so much....i was never good enough. then he asked me to do something, and i really dont understand why i did it but i did...and i will regret it for rest of my life. he asked me to take a sexual picture of myself...and since i only wanted make him happy i did...well he stopped verbally beating up on me, for a little while, then he started again
i guess that was my fault, for staying with him for so long...but i felt trapped and that there was no other way, i had no support, i had not embraced islam yet and hadnt even heard of it. i am sure there are some people who have done worse...but it always bothers me, because i dont know even if he still has those pictures or not...it makes me very uneasy because while i cover myself up in hijab now i know what horrible sin i did...i cant even sleep at night because of it
first, for any girls like this who feel like they are helpless, dont EVER do what i did. you will regret it the rest of your life.
second, i want to ask, what can i do now? i have asked for allah's forgiveness, but i cannot forgive myself for what i have done, for my stupidity...does anyone have any advice for me? i understand that what i have done is wrong, and i have learned from my mistakes, but i am so afraid...

Doesn't the Shahadah abolish all past sins? It seems like your square with God in that you've taken the requisit actions to repent, but it seems to limitation lies in you. Either not truely believing God has forgiven you for your sin or because beyond your sin you still are ahsamed. If it's the latter then why be ashamed? Isin't it true in Islam that you are subject to no authority and approval aside from God almighty? It seems like you have God's forgiveness, so why worry about anything else?

Abusers are bullies. With your fear you are allowing him to continue to abuse you continue to dominate and control you even if you all arn;t in contact. The only one who can end his abuse and domination is you, you can do it by refusing to allow him to have power over you. He's nothing. He has to "get his kicks" by verbally abusing women he meets on the internet and sexually humiliating them. He's a looser. Don't let that looser hae influence over you, you are so much more than him :)
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wth1257
03-28-2009, 06:28 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
thank you everyone, your words are very comforting for me. i still am afraid, and i dont think the police would be able to help since it was an online relationship, just one that he manipulated my emotions and thoughts even after i had logged off. once again thank you everyone for your support, i ask that you make duaas for me that no more eyes will see those pictures and that they will be deleted...
:raging:

This thread burns me up. Not you, but thinking about that little worm and what he did. Don't worry. He's a nothing. A sad little nothing. Go on, live your life, make something of yourself and forget all about that looser. I know it's hard but he can't victimize you unless you let him. Ultimately YOU have the power, not him.
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