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AnonymousPoster
03-29-2009, 11:10 PM
Salam

I am in such a deep mess, I don't know how I ended up in this mess. I will just share my story.

There is a local halal store across the street from us. There is a afghani guy who works there, who developed feelings for me. On my first visits, when I stood there to order my take away, he would stand there frozen keep starring at me, I would try to look away. He would apologize, and try to lower his gaze. Like as though he had no control over his own eyes.

One time as me and my lil 9 year old cousin were crossing the street, my cousin demanded I get him an Ice Cream. I kept trying to put it off, but he kept insisting. The only place near by that I could take him was the restaurant. I felt too shy to go there so I told my cousin to go get his Ice cream with the change I gave him. To avoid any weird incidents!

When he got in, I stood in an area where the people in the restaurant couldnt possibly see me. After a few mins, my cousin comes without any Ice Cream and the money!!! "Sis, the guy who works there asked me to call u inside".

I was shocked, I didn't understand. I told my cousin to get the money!! I was planning to just leave as soon he returned. There comes the guy!! With 2 Ice creams, walking up to me....

He said "I don't usually tend to my customers needs outside the restaurant but u are worth the trouble, here are the Ice Creams, I was a little bit shocked and felt emberrassed. How did he know that I was related to the lil boy? I guess he's seen me from a distance...

Weeks, months passed, he proclaimed his love.

I never imagined that this would happen but I ended up feeling the same, but Allah had his own plans.

My brother who went to study overseas returned recently. I couldn't wait a minute I told him all about my adventure that started from the restaurant, that led me to lose my heart. My brother happily agreed to meet . When they met, they both stood there, shocked. I didn't understand, this meeting unfolded many scary things. Apparently my brother already knew him. His older brother had a fight with my brother once, he wanted to stab him, his brother is now imprisoned for what he tried to do to my brother back then, apparently he'll be imprisoned for 7 years.

I knew about the stabbing incident, but I never knew that the guy had a brother in our area, how was I to know?

My brother stormed out, as he asked me to come, later in the car he told me the entire story. My brother wants me to forget everything. I would have never allowed anything to have gone this far would I have known what happened.

I am in complete shock, so is everyone in my family that knows of this.

My brother blatantly considers him his enemy, but he didn't stab him, his brother did. He wants to apologize for what his brother did, but my family will never forgive.

isn't Life so strange?

I love my brother enough to forget but will my heart too?
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Mikayeel
03-29-2009, 11:24 PM
Bump
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mathematician
03-30-2009, 01:37 AM
Ok put things into reality. He stared at you and then he said he's in love with you. That's lust. That's not love. What did he know about you so well that he can call it love? Please don't confuse the two. (well at least he did)
You will come across many different kind of guys/men in life. There's nothing strange.
But sometimes shaytan will do anything to keep a slave in distress by calling things "strange".
Sister if you don't mind answering a question. Was your father around when you were a child? Was he a good father figure for you? If not, you need to seek professional counselling. They can help you deal with the pain you are going through.
If you don't go for counselling then men will take advantage of your emotions.
Then what ends up happening is you will jump from one relationship to another. Women with symptoms like yours tend to cheat on their husbands because they try to find more attention from men. This doesn't mean they are evil, but they have some problems that were never dealt with.
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arabianprincess
03-30-2009, 02:51 AM
well all i can say now really this is a sad situation . i mean realistically they shouldnt blame him for wat his brother did.. but its just the way is.. when they see him they remember wat his brother did.. all i can advise u that family will always comes first.. n u will always need ur family.. so all i can say is that u forget him n move on.. i know its not easy... when u love somebody.. it takes awhile .. but if its meant to be and ur meant for him then inshallah it will happen so no need to stress over it .. n continue on with ur life.. salamz
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Ummu Sufyaan
03-30-2009, 06:51 AM
:sl:
subhanallah...okay so from what ive understood the guy you're interested in has nothing to do with this stabbing incident and is apologetic for it?
if yes, maybe you could try speaking to your family?...

and also-and im sorry to day this- but the character of this dude seems a bit fishy! again sorry to say it :) i mean don't you find it a bit creepy how he went through your cousin to get your attention! ukhtee, this isnt he characteristics of a respectable person. he should've been a man about it, and went and seen your family. why didnt he do that?

My brother blatantly considers him his enemy, but he didn't stab him, his brother did. He wants to apologize for what his brother did, but my family will never forgive.
totally understandable...ok i may be looking into things too much but what u also have to consider is that if you do you end up getting married to this guy is how his bro is gna react to your family...he may wnna get revenge, and you may be the pawn in his game. :)


well all i can say now really this is a sad situation . i mean realistically they shouldnt blame him for wat his brother did.. but its just the way is.. when they see him they remember wat his brother did.. all i can advise u that family will always comes first.. n u will always need ur family.. so all i can say is that u forget him n move on.. i know its not easy... when u love somebody.. it takes awhile .. but if its meant to be and ur meant for him then inshallah it will happen so no need to stress over it .. n continue on with ur life.. salamz
ditto to that. :)
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saba muslimah
03-30-2009, 07:39 AM
Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

isn't Life so strange?

I love my brother enough to forget but will my heart too?
:w:

Dear its Sad story...
But i think U got sumtihng like experience by dis...Many things happend with us in our daily life & they give us lesson hhmmm well we learnt alot by these situation..., Wat u think????

"May Allah Protect us from satan"

Tekcare sis:smile:
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noorahmad
03-30-2009, 06:59 PM
make isthi'ghaara,
i wouldnt consider it to be lust, to stare at her, maybe he was just confused about his feelings, as it was the first time, make dua for the best to happen...
Allahumma Rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ainin, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaha illa Anta.
Oh Allah, i hope for your mercy. Do not tire me of me even for a moment. place all my affair in order. there is no God but you.(Abu dawud 4/324)
__________________
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mathematician
03-30-2009, 07:42 PM
sorry nooraahmad but if someone says they "love" you after staring at you then it's lust.
Love comes from getting to know the person really well and it's not that first spark you get by gazing at someone.
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Ansariyah
03-31-2009, 10:56 AM
Originally Posted by mathematician
sorry nooraahmad but if someone says they "love" you after staring at you then it's lust.
Love comes from getting to know the person really well and it's not that first spark you get by gazing at someone.
u might have good intentions but u come across very judgemental n rude.

The sister never said he said I love you after starring at her the first time:

Weeks, months passed, he proclaimed his love.
I also don't think that u shud be questioning her relationship wit her father, u don't know her really, n trying to read her isn't really nice.

n saying women who have symptons like hers tend to cheat on their husbands was soo uncalled for n beyond rude. Is this how Muslims speak to each other wen a person comes seeking advice?:muddlehea
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Al-Zaara
03-31-2009, 11:47 AM
Aleykum selam, sister

How did he know that I was related to the lil boy? I guess he's seen me from a distance...
He could have asked your brother "Why isn't that girl coming too?" Your brother could have answered something and he'd ask "Is she your sister?" .. for example.



I honestly cannot say much more, this is a very heartbreaking situation you're in, but do know that Alpha's theory is very common. Though sister, it doesn't have to be that way, no one is saying that. If that was the case, then many successful marriages were results of 'misguidance by the devil'. But there is a strong point in making things as halal as possible. Through the means of being righteous and doings acts that please Allah, you're more protected from experiencing dramas, even worse than this. Just be very catious.

I do want to ask you something. His older brother wanted to hurt your brother and is in jail. The younger brother knew your brother, that's understandable. And to be even more honest, I'd be very surprised if he hadn't seen you before; I'd be surprised if he wouldn't have known you were related to the victim of his older brother. Because it's just something I find to be rather usual, especially for men, to know people and their relatives...

Darling, one thing is sure, if you stop seeing him and ignore him, time will pass with difficulty but so will your feelings pass. This doesn't mean he's forever from your heart, if you really love him. It's just like some people that always remember their first-love, it's something special with some encounters in our lives. If you really want to be strong and move on, you will have to rely on Allah.
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mathematician
03-31-2009, 06:34 PM
salamu 'alaykum sister Yanoorah,

I don't think there is anything rude at all when I questionned her relationship with her father. If she went to a psychologist she would be asked that same question. When you come asking for help, you will be asked questions.
I could have easily said to her "yeah ok make du'a and insha'Allah everything will be ok". But life doesn't work that way. It's more complicated than simply uttering a few words to Allah.

One thing you are correct about is I have good intentions.
There are many stories and books written on how women who are hurt like the sister here go on in their adult life and if they didn't get the help they needed then they end up developping the pattern of seeking men's attention.

Everything can be considered rude, but I am trying to help the sister know what is going on so that she can seek the help now and not end up being one of those women who cheat on their husbands, ruin their lives, etc.
(it would be nice if you did some learning on this topic, you would know what I am talking about)

No hard feelings sis. peace.
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