Marrying

[anonymous]

Asaalamalaykum, would a sister marry a man who isnt attractive yet has good qualities and characters of a muslim in him?

honest replys sisters :cry:

[Ar-RaYYan]

i will give you an honest answer brother!
If the brother is practising, have a good qualities such as sense of humour, mature , reliable , honest etc definetly I would marry him! but obviously that have to be mutual attraction between the couple!
looks are not that important to women as its to men! Women value more the security marriage brings. Some of the sisters actually value inner beauty than physical appearance. I think majority of the sisters would rather marry some one who might not be good-looking but has a good character than someone who is attractive but is arrogant, unreliable and not practising his deen properly.
Brother, do not despair inshallah there will be a sister who will inshallah find you attractive and would marry you. when evaluating ourselve we are our worst enemy so you might think you are 'unattractive' but there will be inshallah a sister that will find you attractive will glady and gratefully marry you.

Do not give up :D

inshallah i will make a du'a for you

[IbnAbdulHakim]

my sisters always say they dont care about looks.



besides, no ones totally ugly - everyone can be decent lookin if they tried :)

if your fat - go slim
if you got acne - go on a diet
if your super skinny - go fat ;D

i honestly think everyone can be decent looking if they tried :) you dont have to be drop dead stunning

[Intisar]

if your fat - go slim
if you got acne - go on a diet
if your super skinny - go fat ;D

^^ :sl: Easier said than done.

Well in my experience with the sisters that I know, most sisters would be perfectly fine with marrying an average looking brother who's deen is exceptional 'cause the general consensus is that looks fade lol and the family that prays together, stays together! :)

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[-Elle-]

I will tell you my 100% honest opinion on the matter;

Some sisters say yes, but when it comes right down to it(marriage) they'll refuse him if they don't think he is good looking.
It happens.
Some sisters say it matters, but when her naseeb comes along,even though in the eyes of the entire world he is "not good looking",she will see him as the most beautiful man in the world.
It happens frequently,trust me, I've seen it in NUMEROUS occasions.


Personally, and I really mean this, I would.Definetly. I don't care what people think of him,as someone else had mentioned,there has to be attraction, and attraction does not always necessarily come from looks. It can come from personality,actions,etc...If a sister sees a bro for the first time and goes...hm..yeah,he's not all that good looking,then gets to know him, her opinion might change 110% percent,and she might be completly committed to him.Even if someone "great looking" comes along, she wouldn't care.

I've seen this situation too:)

Women are not as shallow as most men think...but sometimes...if you're considered a "beautiful" girl/guy...and you marry an unattractive guy/girl, in the eyes of many(sometimes your close ones,which is really sad..) they will make distastful comments. It's horrible, unjust and condemnable (and very annoying)...but both of you have to learn to live with it and not pay it any mind.

In the end, if you ask me, no one is "ugly"...truth said,beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Hope it helped;best of luck
:sl:

[kwolney01]

There's a hadith that says you shouldn't dislike something about your spouse because if one quality in them does not suit you some other quality will be.

I would gladly marry a Muslim brother if he was not attractive to me but was a great Muslim. You should marry someone because of their iman not because of their looks.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

Asaalamalaykum, would a sister marry a man who isnt attractive yet has good qualities and characters of a muslim in him?

honest replys sisters :cry:

honesty? looks arent the hugest issue to most sisters...having said that though she would probably find that she needs to marry someone she finds attractive.. if she does reject you for your looks, she probably doesn't think you're ugly or anything, but just not her type good looking...get me?
also, a sis might marry a brother she finds unattractive yet only marry him because she feels he'll be a good father...

most sisters would marry someone they thought was physically unattractive and yet be totally attracted to his character, manners, etc and that alone to her would make him physically attractive...also most sisters would marry someone they thought was physically unattractive with the expectation that his looks would grow on her once they get to know each other properly...so time and friendship is important here...as i said, his character manners etc will make him physically attractive to her.
and thats with most girls i think because girls are more attracted to character and manners in a guy then looks, but with guys its usually the other way around, innit.
you know how they say that someone can be super duper unattractive yet have the best manners and that would totally shine through and make them physcailly attractive...and then theres the opposite of that where someone is super duper attractive and yet have the worst attitude and that would completely make them super duper physically unattractive get me?

[Zahida]

:sl:hrmmm.......... Beauty is within the eyes of the beholder..... You may like something that another dislikes, if there is something maybe even one thing about a person that you dislike look for the 100 things that you can find and like!!!!!!

Looks don't really matter as long as you get on and have respect and love for each other..................

As bro above said everyone can be beautiful!!:D:w:

[Cabdullahi]

unanimous posts from the sisters....i hope no1 is lieing

[The Ruler]

No. Because being handsome (like Ren-sama) is crucial. But that's my opinion.

[Ar-RaYYan]

unanimous posts from the sisters....i hope no1 is lieing

the brother wanted an honest answer so we gave him a one!
Why bother writing all that if we are not truthful?!

[S_87]

he would have to be what I find attractive. and attractiveness to everyone is different. so if you dont 'fit' a certain catergory then dont lose hope.

[Khayal]

:sl:Brother

If she is a smart and pious muslimah , then I don't think she will look towards the physical beauty, but the inner beauty. I will suggest you that you should follow the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and try to be like him the Prophet Muhammad (SAW). Then you will see the noor in your personality better than that of physical beauty, InshaAllaah.
:w:

.

[islamlover_girl]

I think that the characters of a muslim is the most attractive thing in the man,characters of a muslim means that he is kind, faithful to his wife, romantic with his wife , a good father ,I think thats enough to be a very attractive man.

[Revert to Peace]

:w:

I agree with the sisters... a man may not be conventionally 'good looking' but beauty comes from inside. And, although on first looks a brother may not make you go wow... when you start to know his personality, his character, insha'Allah then you go wow... and his beauty shines through. This is my experience of my fiance... not unattractive, but not instantly wow.. but masha'Allah, alhamdulillah, now walahi he is the most handsomest of men in my eyes because I adore his personality, his character traits.. and he does have lovely eyes! :embarrass

So brothers don't despair.. some of us all have these looks insecurities but Allah alim... it's the person who loves us for who we are inside that counts. As long as you are have a great deen, are good to yourself, keep clean and tidy, you will find your muslimah.

Fi aman Allah
:smile:

[SouljahOfAllah]

Hey no worries, one man could be the most digustinging ugliest thing to one women, but the most sttractive thing to another.
the inner beauty is like water, where as the outer beauty is fire. if there is a spark of inner beauty it will extinguish the fire.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Zahida]

:sl: Wow! MashaAllah did you think that up or did you read it from somewhere?? Beautifully said.............:D:w:

Hey no worries, one man could be the most digustinging ugliest thing to one women, but the most sttractive thing to another.
the inner beauty is like water, where as the outer beauty is fire. if there is a spark of inner beauty it will extinguish the fire.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[noorseeker]

^^^^
well said made me smile

[SouljahOfAllah]

:sl: Wow! MashaAllah did you think that up or did you read it from somewhere?? Beautifully said.............:D:w:

hey i aint a copy :D i like to make things up :D :D

[convert]

As long as hes from back home, all is gravy right sisters?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Huh? I personally wouldn't care where the guy is from. The idea of marrying outside my culture really intrigues me :D:D A revert would be just as cool!

To the original poster:

Like it was said, what someone holds to be unattractive, others may find attractive and visa versa. I've experienced this! As a friend of mine was seeking to marry a bro and he was just as interested in her. She was attracted to him a lotttt and she asked me what i thought and i jus thought he's ok. Soooooooo really, u shouldnt worry brother! inshaAllah.

People have their preference, but deen is so much more important! All these physical concepts soon fade with time but at least you'll still have something to love i.e. the persons deen! inshaAllah.


Don't forget the Qadr of Allah Ta'ala :)

:sl:

[convert]

^^Huh? I personally wouldn't care where the guy is from. The idea of marrying outside my culture really intrigues me :D:D A revert would be just as cool!

To the original poster:

Like it was said, what someone holds to be unattractive, others may find attractive and visa versa. I've experienced this! As a friend of mine was seeking to marry a bro and he was just as interested in her. She was attracted to him a lotttt and she asked me what i thought and i jus thought he's ok. Soooooooo really, u shouldnt worry brother! inshaAllah.

People have their preference, but deen is so much more important! All these physical concepts soon fade with time but at least you'll still have something to love i.e. the persons deen! inshaAllah.


Don't forget the Qadr of Allah Ta'ala :)

:sl:

I think you are naieve sister but mashaAllah.

Also: sorry, my adab is out of line. Just frustrated at a lot of stuff. Please forgive me all.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Naive about what? I hold to that and I don't let peoples opinion get in my way. When I say things, I mean it :) Other than when I'm annoyed...

No need bro InshaAllah...may Allah(swt) ease your affairs, Ameen.


:sl:

[buddy1]

sweetie, would the world not be the most boring and depressing world ever if we were all attracted to the same people!?

My estranged husband, is a very good looking guy and all of my sisters admit to it, but he is a very selfish man, doesnt have the best personality in the world, not the greatest sense of humour etc etc etc! the only good that came from my marraige to him was three unbeleivebly beautiful children! (mainly down to me! hahahaha!)

honey what im trying to say is even if they are the most beautiful person outside doesnt mean they arent the most beautiful person on the inside.

it tends to be, the other way round, if they are perfect to look at they usually have more vices on the inside (the inside what counts!) but if they are not quite perfect on the outside it means they are more than likely much better on the inside!

im reading this back to myself thinkin "i dont think she is gunna understand this jargon i just wrote!" but i hope you do! xxxx

[S_87]

As long as hes from back home, all is gravy right sisters?

oh i so know what u mean :rolleyes: frustrating :raging:

[youngsister]

:sl:Brother

If she is a smart and pious muslimah , then I don't think she will look towards the physical beauty, but the inner beauty. I will suggest you that you should follow the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and try to be like him the Prophet Muhammad (SAW). Then you will see the noor in your personality better than that of physical beauty, InshaAllaah.
:w:

.

:sl:

I dont fully agree with you.

Yes deen comes first. Yes personality is crucial. HOWEVER marriage is suppose to protect you from fitnah, many people can easily say that they dont care about looks but when it comes down to it i cant see many people marrying an obese bold man. (no offense)

So if you choose to refuse a religious man because you dont find him attractive then you are not pious?
I dont want to go into detail but you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person and have children with him.

I wouldnt refuse an average looking brother if he is pious but there has to be something there.

[noorseeker]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

[-Elle-]

:sl:

I dont fully agree with you.

Yes deen comes first. Yes personality is crucial. HOWEVER marriage is suppose to protect you from fitnah, many people can easily say that they dont care about looks but when it comes down to it i cant see many people marrying an obese bold man. (no offense)

So if you choose to refuse a religious man because you dont find him attractive then you are not pious?
I dont want to go into detail but you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person and have children with him.

I wouldnt refuse an average looking brother if he is pious but there has to be something there.

agreed. Its possible for some women that looks truly don't matter, Allahu 3alam I mean were not in their heads you can't say they're lying...

but I believe that for most women, looks play a part in marriage. Even if it plays a small part in your decision(like..5-10%?); it is still a relevant aspect. And I don't see anything wrong with that,as long as this aspect(beauty) does not overshadow your entire judgement of the guy who is looking to marry you.
And,like I mentioned before, you can actually become attracted to his physical beauty after getting to know him; sounds strange but it happens.

[anonymous]

I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

Why brother? Is it impossible for Allaah, the One who has absolute power over all things to give u a partner? He is the same Merciful and Compassionate Lord who has fulfilled the wishes of thousands and millions in the past. If He, the All Merciful provides for those of His slaves who don't obey Him, then He definitely provides better and something more special to those of his slaves who do obey Him and control their desires for His sake. Who are patient for His sake. Who endure pain for His sake. Who can go and easily give in to the shaytaan and fall into sin, but they restrain themselves for His sake. He has a special type of Mercy and love for those slaves, and He is the Most appreciative. Do not think that Allaah will waste you. Do not think Allaah will turn you away, for you are very special to Him. By Allaah, if u do not give up from asking Him and sincerly praying to Him with hope, He will definitely reward you for your patience and give u even better than what u desire. And when that day comes, I hope you remember my words. :wasalamex

Anon.

[S_87]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

dont feel like that, im sure that tif you made a poll then you will see the majority of members have so problem with the way they look/weight anything. we see our own imperfections that other people looking at us may not notice.

[maryam87]

To be honest the most important trait a guy would need to have for me would be to be humble. However saying this if i didnt know the guy and i saw him for the first time whatever the sisters tell you he will need to be accepting to the eyes of the female. Its definately not all about the looks but if you do have something else that shines then shine it dont hide it away.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

speak for yourself bro, i dont ask for wat i cant offer. if i want a beautiful wife, then naturally i'll do everything to make myself just as good

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

i can think of quite a few

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

again i completely disagree, and i have a very strong reason for doing so.
for me... the beauty will only increase, im sure!

my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

i like that mentality

i have it too! even if i get married and have kids, i wont rely on anyone else inshaAllah

[noorseeker]

so why are the girls back home different , guys just can pick and choose who they want over there without fear of rejection,

girls in the western countries, we cannot do that,'

Yeah i can go home and find a pretty wife, with no fear of rejection,
but its not about that, i want someone to marry me for me, and not for status


we cant pick and choose in the west, lol.

[Snowflake]

^cuz they want to come to the UK or wherever?

Todays girls back home are just as fussy and from what I've seen, even more.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

girls back home do choose

ive heard of rejection cases.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

we brothers tend to want a beautiful wife , but we feel the sister should ignore our looks, it just how us guys are.

Depends if the poster wants a beautiful wife. No offence how many average looking girls do you see with really handsome husbands, not many,

You could have the most beautiful wife in the world, but like most men, we will get bored of her looks.

I have this romanticised idea , when inshallah i get married, i will only have eyes for my wife, my gaze will not wonder, but im sure it will.

When i read this thread i smiled , because i couldve been the thread starter.
I fight with the mirror everyday, and i do feel no one will look at me for marriage.
my mind is mentally prepared to live out my life alone,

:sl:

Sometimes we just need to stop thinking so much over our looks, and put our trust in Allaah. I guess it's something that can't be helped though..because of the society that we're living in which places so much emphasis on physical beauty. But realize that there's a beauty that comes naturally which varies from person to person and is perceived differently person to person, and there's also a beauty (which is physical too) that comes about from doing good, some of our Salaf used to say that praying Tahajjud brightens the face, and that sins darken the face. So honestly, just focus on your deeds and getting closer to Allaah, to the Qur'aan and there will be a natural light on your face that Allaah will bestow on you that will over sight anything else bi'idhnillah. This goes for everyone.

agreed. Its possible for some women that looks truly don't matter, Allahu 3alam I mean were not in their heads you can't say they're lying...

but I believe that for most women, looks play a part in marriage. Even if it plays a small part in your decision(like..5-10%?); it is still a relevant aspect. And I don't see anything wrong with that,as long as this aspect(beauty) does not overshadow your entire judgement of the guy who is looking to marry you.
And,like I mentioned before, you can actually become attracted to his physical beauty after getting to know him; sounds strange but it happens.

There's nothing wrong with that. Sisters, you should make sure that you don't marry someone you're not attracted to. I.e. Make sure you're attracted to the person you'll marry, I mean you'll be sleeping with each other for the years to come, you want to make sure you at least like how the other person looks!

dont feel like that, im sure that tif you made a poll then you will see the majority of members have so problem with the way they look/weight anything. we see our own imperfections that other people looking at us may not notice.

Yes! This is so true. :thumbs_up

so why are the girls back home different , guys just can pick and choose who they want over there without fear of rejection,

girls in the western countries, we cannot do that,'

Yeah i can go home and find a pretty wife, with no fear of rejection,
but its not about that, i want someone to marry me for me, and not for status


we cant pick and choose in the west, lol.

Of course you can. You just need to realize that there are a lot of good sisters out there in the West itself. You just need to put yourself out there, start getting involved in the community etc, volunteer and you'll no doubt find someone Insha'Allaah who'll want to marry you for you. And I personally think you should try to marry someone who has a similar background as you, similar past (like growing up in same place, etc) so that you can relate and be compatible. I firmly believe that marrying from back home is not that good of an idea..because of how different you two would have grown up.

[Mysterious Uk]

:sl:

I firmly believe that marrying from back home is not that good of an idea..because of how different you two would have grown up.

I agree, people back home and people here think differently if you know what i mean.

[noorseeker]

[QUOTE=Mysterious Uk;1124793]I agree, people back home and people here think differently if you know what i mean.[/QUOTE

the language barrier firstly would be a problem for me , my bengalis not very good, and i cant joke about in bengali, as i can in english.

I would lose 80%of my personality.

Or more importantly, i couldnt translate hadeeths or any sort of islamic knowledge properly to her. imsad

[burdenofbeing]

I'm not really very handsome if you ask me, but my wife thinks otherwise. she also told me that when she gets angry at me, my looks start diminishing. :) this is the way female mind works.

[Ansariyah]

Bro,There must be more that u can offer besides ur looks, there's just more to life besides that anyway.:sunny:

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

As long as hes from back home, all is gravy right sisters?

oh hell no! :skeleton:

I agree, people back home and people here think differently if you know what i mean.

ditto...i cannot image myself being happy with someone raised back home...the mentality differs. i cant stand theirs...esp for a dude. i don't know i just don't like it... they're not necessarily bad, but deffo not my type good..
besides i don't think my dad would marry me off to someone back home anyway :statisfie

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

I appreciate beauty in everything. But the way to my heart is through my smile. Someone who can make your eyes dance through laughter becomes that beautiful person. One of the favourite things to do is laugh. Besides did you know that the longer you know a person, you start to see their inside shining through to the outside. So whether they are attractive or ugly makes no difference. It only becomes that heuristic if you let it. Take my advice, before you jump to or away from looks, wait and see what comes from their mouth before you jump their bones, or run away.