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Overcoming Extreme Shyness
Sheikh Sâlih al-Ghâmidî|
Extreme shyness affects a person's ability to interact with others and prevents him from participating effectively in society and making a positive contribution.
Such a shy person is in dire need of social skills and does not know how to conduct himself in a wide range of situations. He suffers from low self-esteem and fears the negative evaluation of others.
It is important for a person who is suffering from this debilitating condition to conquer it. In embarking upon this task, his first priority will be to properly understand what is causing him to feel this way. This affliction, in most cases, is reinforced by certain false ideas and beliefs that the sufferer has. He may always be thinking that other people are evaluating him negatively and derogating him. Typically, he is also a person who subjects himself to a considerable amount of undue and severe self-reproach.
However, this excessive shyness will not be the full portrayal of his character, but only one aspect of it. And if there is a negative aspect to his character, he will most certainly have many other qualities that are positive.
He will need to exert every effort to put a stop to the negative thinking that is holding him back and push all those false notions out of his mind. In their stead, he needs to come with positive thinking about himself and others.
He will need to muster up the courage to confront the challenges of society instead of avoiding them. Avoidance only makes matters worse. He should take on these challenges gradually, starting with situations that he finds the least frightening and preparing in advance something to say on these occasions, no matter how small. Things will be difficult at first, but persistence pays off, and soon he will see positive results. He needs to set realistic goals, remain flexible, and endeavor to reach his goals with confidence.
Islam is a comprehensive religion in which we can find solutions to all the difficulties and all of the disquiet from which an individual can suffer. Allah says: “And We reveal of the Qur'ân that which is a healing and a mercy for believers though it increase the evil-doers in naught save ruin.” [ Sûrah al-Isrâ' : 82]
Belief in Allah is the basis of personal self-confidence. It provides protection against all the problems and the sources of disquiet that can beset a person.
Islam calls upon the individual to be positive in his relationship both with himself and with others. It guides the believers to lofty moral standards that must be translated into many exemplary manners and modes of conduct. These, in turn, strengthen the social ties between people.
In the process of adopting such morals and attitudes, we as individuals develop the social skills that we need to perfect our conduct in our dealings with others and to become positively involved in society. This protects us from becoming introverted or withdrawn into ourselves.
Prayer is also very important. It is the connection between the worshipper and his Lord. It brings tranquility and contentment to the worshiper's heart, increases his self-confidence, and dispels his sense of sinfulness and the feelings of guilt, fear, and insecurity that it brings.
Reading the Qur'ân also brings contentment to the heart as well as strengthens character. It is a cure for the sicknesses of the heart, rectifying the negative, distorted images that a person may have of himself.
In reading the Qur'ân, one should concentrate on certain verses, like Sûrah al-Fâtihah , the last three verses of Sûrah al-Baqarah , Âyah al-Kursî , Sûrah al-Ikhlâs , Sûrah al-Falaq and Sûrah al-Nâs .
The excessively shy person must not forget to turn to Allah in sincere and earnest supplication, for it is a healing for people from their sorrows, their distress, their worries, and their disquiet. Supplications are the enemy of all afflictions and they are weapons that a believer wields against all misfortune.
The following are some of the supplications of our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) for the alleviation of distress and worry:
“O Allah! I seek refuge with You from problems and tribulations, and I seek refuge with you from incapacity and laziness, and I seek refuge with You from cowardice and miserliness, and I seek refuge with you from being overcome by debt and from the compulsion of men.”
“O Allah! Grant my soul to be God-fearing; purify it, for You are the best one to purify it. Indeed, you are its guardian and master.”
“O Allah! I ask You for the well-being of this world and the Hereafter.”
“O Allah! Indeed, I ask You for pardon and for well-being in my religion, my worldly life, my family, and my wealth. Allah! Conceal my shame and safeguard my honor. O Allah! Protect me in what is before me and what is behind me and what is to my right and what is to my left and what is above me. And I seek your refuge from being afflicted from below.”
The preferred hours for supplication should be sought, like the last part of the night and during prostration in prayer.
We must always seek Allah's help to solve our problems and overcome our difficulties. We must be steadfast in asking Allah for forgiveness.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever is constant in seeking Allah's forgiveness, Allah will prepare a way out for him from every difficulty and a release from every anxiety, and provide for him from whence he could never expect.” [ Sunan Abî Dâwûd ]
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