should I disobey my mother??

[muslimah 4 life]

:sl:

I am stuck in an awkward situation. My mum and aunt (dads sister) have never really got on. I have always tried to keep out of the way and let them do whatever.
My aunty has moved from Germany to the UK and is insisting I go to spend some time with her inthe holidays. I really want to go but my mum clearly told me today she doesn't want me to go.
I think she's being unfair. I am married and old enough to make my own choices and personally I don't like to break family ties.
If I don't go not only will my aunt get upset but so will my dad. If I do go my mum will get angry as she thinks it's only to spite her that my aunt invited me. I am also scared I may commit a sin if I don't listen to my mum. :muddlehea


:w:

[aadil77]

pakistanis, whats with them and their family politics. This is what its like when I go to pakistan I have to behave in such a way that makes it looks as if i'm respecting my mums wishes but then not disrespecting other family members and at the same time making it look like i'm not 'supporting' them, which would offend my mum.

It's ridiculous how they get children involved in these bs politics

[buddy1]

Sister........I think you should explain to your mum that just because they dont get on, it doesnt mean you should suffer!!

I dont sepak to my estranged husbands family, but if any of them asked to see one of my 3 children, that are fathered by him, I certainly wouldnt stop them! I'd be pleased that they were not dragging my babies in to an on going arguement that we have.....

like you said you are old enough to make your own decisions, and you should explain to her that you want to go and see your aunty, and would like your mum to be pleased that you want to keep your family connected!

She should think herself lucky that she has such a good daughter that wants to keep everyone happy!

[ahmed_indian]

no advice sorry! if i had one, i would have used for myself first!

all i can is may Allah help us all.

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[muslimah 4 life]

:sl:

I have tried to explain to my mother that she will be the better one if I go, as my aunt must suspect she's going to stop me so this will prove her wrong.
She will not listen and is acting as if I am disobeying her.
To be honest I think I should have kept quiet and told her at the last minute I am going.:X

I have decided I should go my aunt hasn't wronged me and even if she has she is my aunt. Inshallah my mum won't be mad with me for too long, she'll probably use it against me for the rest of my life but making her angry is better then hurting my dad and aunt.
Don't get me wrong, I don't like to disobey my mum even at a time like this I just pray Allah forgives me.

[Al-Zaara]

Doesn't your mother come first Islamically? What does it hurt you to not go? Aunt will be angry, but she knows you're listening to your mother, she can't accuse you of anything but being obedient to your mother. Your father should also understand this. Mother comes first, no? Maybe you could ask your aunt to visit you instead.

[Snowflake]

^Mother does come first but not before Allah and His messenger. Allah and His Rasul (saw) have commanded us not to sever relations with family. I think the sister should explain to her mother gently that what she is asking is a matter that is displeasing to Allah and she may be held accountable for it. Pride is man's downfall.

[muslimah 4 life]

That's why I can't make my mind up. Allah knows my intention is only to stop all this fitnah in the family.
The reason why I don't want to hurt my aunt is she doesn't have her own children, in a way I feel like my mum is just making a point that she has children and they will do as she says.
There is no way my mum will happily let me go, won't be much of a break for me just adding to my stress.
I am upset with my mum because I look after her, she knows my siblings wouldn't do half of what I do. Everyone who knows me says recognizes that so do my parents then why can't my mum swallow her pride for me?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Ahhh Pakistani families :x Not sure if u r but they're like that! Anyway i dunno wat to say sis, had I any advice I'd have used it on myself loollll. Even I know its displeasing to Allah, but parentssssssss..wat can u do! May Allah make it easy for u sis Ameen. Perhaps its ur test, but also ur mom as well? Yes she's ur mother, but Allah does come first. All the best ukhti.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

your mothers happiness if more important then your aunts.


explain to your aunt why you cant come... thats what i would do.


or convince your mother


dont disobey your mother

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

It's not so much about happiness. I'm sure if it didn't have anything to do with disobeying Allah, she'd reject going in a heartbeat. From what she's saying, seems like it means severing ties within the family. That's something we are NOT allowed to do, so therefore it's displeasing Allah. Allahu Alam tho, thats what I'm gettin out of it.
Perhaps someone can tell you better sister, InshaAllah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ its not haram for her to not visit her auntie, neither will she be severing ties because she will still call/talk etc right? she can visit when her mums chilled out

disobeying parents = haram

not visiting auntie = halal

[muslimah 4 life]

Yes sister I am a pakistani. I guess it's common with us guys, what a shame!
I have a week am praying my mum feels bad and asks me to go herself, if only.
So am I disobeying Allah (swt) if my mum doesn't want me to go yet I still go?:confused:
My dad asked me today when I was planning on going, I know he really wants me to go thats his only sister.

Aah well, thats families!

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yes I figured u were lol. I know it's sad! You dont wana disobey Allah but they make u feel guilty :D. I dunno sis, I myself wonder these things. I dont know much else to say.

P.S. Bro iman i didnt use the word haram dude! For a reason :D

I won't incase I make something haram or halal, which in fact might not be! =]

:sl:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

ASK AN AALIM!!!!


lol seriously sounds complex


to obey mother or father?

father wants u 2 go, mother dont


ASK AN AALIM!!

[muslimah 4 life]

^ its not haram for her to not visit her auntie, neither will she be severing ties because she will still call/talk etc right? she can visit when her mums chilled out

disobeying parents = haram

not visiting auntie = halal

My aunt has invited me many times and knows I don't go to keep my mum happy. This time she made it clear that if i don't go her husband will stop her from coming to mine.
Either way I will be disobeying a parent. If I go my mum, if I don't my dad, question is which one?

[muslimah 4 life]

Thanks guys. I feel shy asking an alim what would he think? So much is going on inthe world and look at these muppets! But I guess I should so I know my decision will be islamically correct inshallah.

:w:

[Al-Zaara]

^Mother does come first but not before Allah and His messenger. Allah and His Rasul (saw) have commanded us not to sever relations with family. I think the sister should explain to her mother gently that what she is asking is a matter that is displeasing to Allah and she may be held accountable for it. Pride is man's downfall.

Ah yes, but it is not she who broke the ties in first place and it is NOT breaking ties if you do not visit. She does no sin if she doesnt go, Allah knows she just wishes to help and change. It's also Allah's command to obey your mother. When I read the next:

This time she made it clear that if i don't go her husband will stop her from coming to mine.

I found it to be disturbing and I wouldn't go myself, 'cause they (mother and aunt) seem to just use her to deepen their dislike towards eachother. She's not guilty of anything. The girl has good intentions of getting the family back together, but she has to find another way of doing this. To strongly talk with your mother, and father, to make things clear and to excuse one's dificult situation to the aunt aswell.

[muslimah 4 life]

:sl:

Thanks for all your opinions guys. If I hadn't asked you guys, I was so upset with the way my mum reacted I would've just gone. I'm thankful each one of you reminded me not to upset my mum.
Although it's going to be hard I am going to ask my mum again and tell her that I do want to go too. She's my mother and nobody has a greater place then her but as a father my dad has rights too, and that must include us keeping in touch with his family.
My grandparents don't live here inthe Uk it's only my aunt from my dads side. The whole of my mums family live here with us in Birmingham and even though they can be worse then my aunt we still see them regardless :rollseyes.
Just do dua for me I am sure inthe end Allah will do what is best for all of us.

:w: