Problem

[abedjan1]

I`m a 27 yr old Muslim. A while back i met this girl from school she approached me and started asking questions about Islam its been almost 2 yrs as, time went on we found we had a lot in common ( we did not date ). She wants to become a Muslim and has done extensive research on her own. She did a lot of stuff which were bad, but i think it was because of the fact of where she was and the company she had with her ( she used to sell drugs and other stuff is which is not permitted in Islam). She is completely different now and regrets what she did in the past to a point where she cry's almost every time she talks about it.

I want to get married to this girl because she`s a good person and i know she will be a good Muslim too, my problem lies with my parents they are very old school and always mention how they want me to get married to a good Muslim girl. Most of my cousins have actually married out of Islam and their wife's converted into Islam and my parents say they have no problem with it but think they got into Islam because they wanted to get married ( being a Muslim by name basically ) I do not know how to approach them and tell them that i want to get married to this girl.

She is a christian right now and her parents are too.

[Snowflake]

A Christian does not have to convert for you to marry her. May Allah guide her to the true deen. Ameen. But my advice is to make Istikhara first and then act according to it. That is the recommened thing to do no matter who you are considering marriage with.

[abedjan1]

I understand that she can remain a christian, but she wants to revert back to Islam. I do not know if she should first and then i tell my parents or tell my parents and then she can revert.

[julie sarri]

I would say if she has a real interest in reverting to Islam then help her to revert. As you said she did study about Islam on her own so i would tell your parents this fact tell them how long she was interested in Islam and how she went out to further her knowledge of the deen. This will let them know that she was interested before the whole idea of getting married came up inshaallah Allah will guide her more

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[crayon]

Not sure what advice to give, but in case you don't already know, for it to be permissible for a muslim man to marry a christian or jewish woman, the woman must be chaste.

"if a woman is not chaste, and she has boyfriends or lovers with whom she is intimate, then Islam forbids marriage to her, whether she is a Muslim or a woman from among the People of the Book, just as it forbids marriage to a man who has girlfriends or lovers, to protect married life from collapse and to protect against mixing of lineages and to avoid causes of dispute, accusation and suspicion."
source

[mathematician]

salamu 'alaykum,
Selling drugs is a grave sin. I know you say she is completely different now, but I have to ask, how do you know? Are you sure about that? I am not raising this question to cause suspicion but I hope you are correct.
Let's say you marry her, will you be ok with the bad stuff she did in the past?
You have to think about that because many men think oh yeah I will get over it but once a few small problems arise in marriage they remember back all the bad stuff and are all of a sudden not ok with it.

Praise be to Allah that He granted you parents who want you to marry a good muslim girl. That was the advice of prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.
The thing here to keep in mind is your parents are intelligent. They are correct that in many cases people so-called convert to Islam for love, which is nonsense.
My advice to you would be if she does not become a muslim by heart then move on to somebody else. I know Allah made it halaal to marry chaste christian women but there is a lot of responsibilities that will come with that. You would have to raise your children as muslims and she may not like that. If you live in a non-muslim country and things go wrong, she will have the control of the kids.

May Allah bless you with a great wife. Ameen.

[abedjan1]

I would say if she has a real interest in reverting to Islam then help her to revert. As you said she did study about Islam on her own so i would tell your parents this fact tell them how long she was interested in Islam and how she went out to further her knowledge of the deen. This will let them know that she was interested before the whole idea of getting married came up inshaallah Allah will guide her more

She actually said she is going to revert weather or not we get married. She is now talking to a w omens Muslims group here.

Not sure what advice to give, but in case you don't already know, for it to be permissible for a muslim man to marry a christian or jewish woman, the woman must be chaste.

"if a woman is not chaste, and she has boyfriends or lovers with whom she is intimate, then Islam forbids marriage to her, whether she is a Muslim or a woman from among the People of the Book, just as it forbids marriage to a man who has girlfriends or lovers, to protect married life from collapse and to protect against mixing of lineages and to avoid causes of dispute, accusation and suspicion."
source

The woman is chaste, she goes home, school and back again, i know this because she does not hang around those type people anymore and all of her friends are now Muslims girls.

salamu 'alaykum,
Selling drugs is a grave sin. I know you say she is completely different now, but I have to ask, how do you know? Are you sure about that? I am not raising this question to cause suspicion but I hope you are correct.
Let's say you marry her, will you be ok with the bad stuff she did in the past?
You have to think about that because many men think oh yeah I will get over it but once a few small problems arise in marriage they remember back all the bad stuff and are all of a sudden not ok with it.

Praise be to Allah that He granted you parents who want you to marry a good muslim girl. That was the advice of prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.
The thing here to keep in mind is your parents are intelligent. They are correct that in many cases people so-called convert to Islam for love, which is nonsense.
My advice to you would be if she does not become a muslim by heart then move on to somebody else. I know Allah made it halaal to marry chaste christian women but there is a lot of responsibilities that will come with that. You would have to raise your children as muslims and she may not like that. If you live in a non-muslim country and things go wrong, she will have the control of the kids.

May Allah bless you with a great wife. Ameen.

Yes i know selling drugs is a grave sin. I have thought about if i do marry i know there will be that baggage that comes with it, but i also know that i am not the one to judge what she did in the past nor will or do i judge her now. I also know and understand marriage is not easy but from 2 yrs of knowing this girl by conversation i also know she has changed and is not wanting to be a muslim by name but by heart.

I know they are responsibilities that comes with marriage and actually talked about children as her response was if i`m a Muslim and your a Muslim then our children will be Muslims also. We do live in a non-Muslim country and i am not worried about it as i know it will be difficult.

[Snowflake]

I think you should make istikhara regardless. Love is so blinding that we think it can overcome anything, but reality can bring problems that even the strongest love can't deal with. It is better to do istikhara rather than have two good years of marriage and a lifetime of regret. It is the Sunnah.