I want to give up but my heart won't let me

[04/11/2009]

As'salaamu alaikum brothers and sisters, I hope you can help me with my probelm in anyway insha allah. For little more than a year now i have been looking to get married, i have extensively searched and taken every avenue that i could think of or was suggested to find a husband, but it seems muslim men in this age they care more about a persons looks rather than their deen or character i say this because i have a disability the reason why iam constantly turned down this is making me really depressed alot i wish they would just get to know the person iam inside but they won't give me the time of day. I want to give up but like the tittle suggested my heart will not let me i have tried doing things to get it out of my mind like going back to school and that didn't work, seeing all the girls that i knew married with babies adds up to my hurt i know iam a good person inside and a practicing muslim alhamdulilah and iam not a bad looking woman either but its just not enough for them. How am i suppose to complete half of my deen when iam treated as though iam some alien from another planet due to my disability that i cannot do anything about. I wish they would see that iam a human being with feelings and has the same needs as everyone else. Please give me advice.imsad

[noorahmad]

Allahumma Rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ainin, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaha illa Anta.
Oh Allah, i hope for your mercy. Do not tire me of me even for a moment. place all my affair in order. there is no God but you.(Abu dawud 4/324)

[Sahabiyaat]

My darling, why dont you try looking for someone who also has a disability, and will be more willing to accept you?, Im not going to sugar coat anything, but you should not look up to or accept anybody that doesnt accept you, and therefore someone with your problem will be more suited to you as a person? what do u think? Have u tried this?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
dua
patience

dua
patience

dua
patience
:)

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[convert]

I understand what you're going through. Nobody wants to marry a convert either. Its qadrullah. InshaAllah you find a spouse. Make dua for me as well.

[nebula]

im sorry to hear about this sister, Allah tests us all in different ways, just don't give up sis, theres someone out their for all of us, if the brothers don't give you attention then sis don't give them any, your no different from anyone else, anyone who thinks so isn't a muslim, everyones equal in this deen and don't let anyone make you think different, like the other sister said do dua and sabr sis sabr! inshallah it will pay off walahi it will. Another thing sis try and read on the lifes of the Prophets and read about the hardships they went through and inshallah try and reflect.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

hmm... you sound like a very intelligent muslimah.

i cant recall a disability which would reduce the appeal to be honest if you are as you have described.






be patient sis, a righteous brother willl come along.


trust me, there are sisters without disabilities waiting longer then you! dont EVER EVER start thinking bad about Allah (i know its easy to in such situations), im sure ALlah wishes the best for you !


keep asking him... keep asking ! inshAllah

My darling, why dont you try looking for someone who also has a disability

hmm personally, IF I WAS DISABLED i wouldnt want someone with a disability (although i wouldnt reject the idea totally until ive checked the person out). But because im not disabled i wouldnt mind someone with a disability.

its just easier that way i guess.

[noorseeker]

Reading the title of this thread, i know what you mean, you try and get it out your head but you just cant, you see married people everywhere,

all you can do is wait sister, I dont doubt the fact we wont get a partner, its just the mind is just curious as to how it will come about.

hang in there, your not alone

[04/11/2009]

My darling, why dont you try looking for someone who also has a disability, and will be more willing to accept you?, Im not going to sugar coat anything, but you should not look up to or accept anybody that doesnt accept you, and therefore someone with your problem will be more suited to you as a person? what do u think? Have u tried this?

I am open to a brother who has disability but i haven't seen one yet. Jazakallahu khair all of you for your advice.

[Cabdullahi]

Sister,i hope im not being nosy but what is your disability and may allah grant you husband ameen

[ragdollcat1982]

I am open to a brother who has disability but i haven't seen one yet. Jazakallahu khair all of you for your advice.

I am so sorry that you are having trouble finding a spouse and that people can be so shallow. My husband is disabled and my health is not the best, I will pray for you. Have you ever tried an Islamic marriage site or even eharmony?

[04/11/2009]

Abdulahii- i have polio and ameen to your dua.

Ragdoll- i have tried pretty much everything from muslim sites to eharmony , family and friends Jazakallahu khair sister.

[YusufNoor]

Abdulahii- i have polio and ameen to your dua.

Ragdoll- i have tried pretty much everything from muslim sites to eharmony , family and friends Jazakallahu khair sister.

:sl:

have Sabr and rely on Allah Subhanu wa Ta' Aala!

i met my wife 2 years ago. she told me that she gets up before Fajr and prays, and then reads 1 Juz from the Qur'an every day!

i asked her to marry me!

we've been married for almost 2 years.

she had polio when she was one. she is permanently handi-capped. but Alhumdulillah, she has Taqwah!

her older sister had it MUCH worse, she's wheel chair bound. she's divorced but she has 2 beautiful children!

Allah knows best when and who you will marry. you don't know.

maybe, he's not ready yet!

you see, i REALLY met my wife 3+ years ago, but i wasn't a Muslim then.

a short time later i DID become a Muslim.

EXACTLY one year later, we met...

again...

:w:

[جوري]

^^ brother you give excellent advise..Baraka Allah feek
sis everyone can get married at ANY age, with all ailments and all situations, I have seen divorcee(s) get married, people in their forty get married, people in their sixty, but all when Allah swt wills .. there is always hope.. have faith in Allah swt that he is only driving you to what is best for you.. Insha'Allah you'll have all your heart desires.. there is always hope...

pls don't feel like you are behind scehdule or have to cave in to some pressure or sccumb to talks or expectations of people...

have hope and always smile..

Baraka Allah feeki

:w:

[amna_mirza]

:sl:
You should also keep reminding your self that life is a test. Allah is testing you and he will reward you for it. Allah will also reward you for your disability, so you should be happy about that. You are accumulating good deeds because of you disability and that will definitely add up.

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

Always do make duas. For truly, life in this world is just temporary. The materials things that we have now, don’t matter when we die.

“Allah increases the provision for whom He wills, and straitens (it for whom He wills), and they rejoice in the life of the world, whereas the life of this world as compared with the Hereafter is but a brief passing enjoyment" (26) Ar-Rad

You could be like those who turn to Allah in times of need and grateful of the blessings of Allah. And everything is tests in this world. Be patience.

[04/11/2009]

Jazakallahu khair, alhamdulilah i feel much better reading all the advice. May allah grant all of you whatever good your hearts desire. Ameen.

[جوري]

You are such a lovely sister, and so easy to love Masha'Allah..
I love you in Allah swt, you have such a tender soft heart, and I know one day soon Allah swt will grant you something phenomenal for your patience and for your amazing heart..

I love listening to suret Yousef.. indeed great patience is rewarded with great success..

ameen

:w:

[7eighty6]

I can totally understand with you sister. I am not handicapped or anything, fairly normal and a lot of people tell me I am good looking also. But when the time came for marriage, for whatever reason I got rejected a lot. It's was more painful that most of the marriages were coming from my family. It hurt me to see my parents were losing hope and was becoming restless. My mom even got to the point and said once - go find yourself a wife... Imagine, how hard it must have been. All i ever wanted was to be a good son, a good muslim and a successful person in life. I thought i would find someone sincere in due time, but it never really happened the way I expected it. Later, i met my wife. She was not everything I had hoped for but she had some Iman in her, so I married her. Our difference there, but I am just resting it up to Allah. To provide me patience and strength to live this short life with. Even to this day, i look in the mirror and wonder why these girls didn't want to marry me. It took my heart out and made me feel really ugly. I just put it in my past and so glad that part of my life is over with.

all i know is- without Allah's mercy we are nothing. I could have been Brad Pitt but without his mercy no one could help me. So ask Allah for help and stay persistent. All shall work out as it was planned out 50,000 years before the world was created.

[04/11/2009]

Gossamer- Jazakallahu khair my sister in islam you have warmed my heart with your kind words.

Brother 7eighty6- Jazakallahu khair for sharing your story.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you 04/11/2009; I have always found the people here to be kind and encouraging in times of need. I believe you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

My mum had multiple sclerosis and for about the last twenty years of her life, she could not move her hands, or legs. I honestly do not know how she endured this for so long, she seemed to have a quiet and gentle faith in God, she rarely complained. She always seemed more concerned about our problems, than her own.

She could only sit in her wheel chair for two or three hours at a time, before it became uncomfortable for her, and there seemed so little any of us could do to help.

I can only say she is the strongest person I shall ever meet, she endured so much in loving kindness for others. Her body might have seemed dead to her, but she had a wonderful spirit.

This prayer is so powerful in striving to come to terms with the things in life that seem impossible to cope with, you are in my prayers. We must trust that God puts all things right in a greater good life after death.

Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change.
Lord grant me the courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

In the spirit of praying to a loving and kind God

Eric