/* */

PDA

View Full Version : Haram marriage?



AnonymousPoster
04-17-2009, 01:05 PM
:sl:

I was wondering if this is considered a haram marriage. If a guy proposes to a girl. She doesn't want him in her heart but her parents do. She doesn't want to disappoint them so she can't say no but she has a hard time saying yes. She tells them she needs more time to think and then after some fighting and arguing she tells them to do whatever they want. The parents accept the proposal and the girl breaks down in tears because she doesn't want it.

Is this a haram marriage? The girl never said no but it is quite clear in her heart and her action that she doesn't want it.
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
ahmed_indian
04-18-2009, 11:42 AM
if a marriage is done Islamically, its a marriage no matter whether u accept it in ur heart or not. and Allah knows best.

but why not explain to the parents....are parents ur enemies?

and i dont understand that parents do so much for their children but regarding marriage they are so unmindful of their child's wishes.

may Allah help you.
Reply

Zahida
04-18-2009, 12:11 PM
:sl: You should be honest with your parents and tell them that this is not what YOU want...............You mustn't do this if your heart is not in it and you will only cause yourself and your parents heartache and suffering later on if the marraige does not succeed..............

What your parents are doing now is nothing compared to what they will feel if they continue with this marraige afterwards.............

Little one be honest with them, don't let them emotionally blackmail you into marraige and yes where you are not consenting the marraige would be haraam..............Good luck.:bump1::w:
Reply

noorseeker
04-18-2009, 07:01 PM
You have to remain steadfast sister, if your not happy from the start it can only get better.
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
limitless
04-18-2009, 07:12 PM
salaam

It is isn't considered haraam, if the islamic conditions are met. However, if you don't want to proceed in marrying this fellow, I'd highly recommand you say no. This is because later on, many problems may arise. So inorder to prevent that, it is better to say no right now then later on regretting it for the rest of your life.

wa salam
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
04-18-2009, 07:27 PM
sounds pure forced

SAVE THAT GIRL!
Reply

Zahida
04-18-2009, 07:33 PM
:sl: She has to save herself........ i have seen this happen before and what happens........??? Only more hardship and pain afterwards not just for the girl but for her parents too and what about the man she is to marry???........and his parents and family???? Our pakistani culture needs to come out of the ancient times and keep up with their children........

The girl has not disobeyedher parents or disrespected them, however has been put between a rock and a hard place by the people who love her and are asking her to make a decision to suit them........this really angers me as i have seen it happen once toooooooooo often!!!

I just hope the girls is strong enough to make the right decision............:bump1::w:
format_quote Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman
sounds pure forced

SAVE THAT GIRL!
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-18-2009, 08:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

I was wondering if this is considered a haram marriage. If a guy proposes to a girl. She doesn't want him in her heart but her parents do. She doesn't want to disappoint them so she can't say no but she has a hard time saying yes. She tells them she needs more time to think and then after some fighting and arguing she tells them to do whatever they want. The parents accept the proposal and the girl breaks down in tears because she doesn't want it.

Is this a haram marriage? The girl never said no but it is quite clear in her heart and her action that she doesn't want it.
If a sister doesnt want to she should tell parents because we look at this
It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).
So by being silent you agree or saying what ever you want. this is you life sister dont be afraid to say no
both the guardian and the woman must agree to the marriage.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or other female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and much corruption.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1022.
so if a good man comes (i dont know this man ) and ask and daughter is silent or says do what ever you want how would they Know (THEY BEING PARENTS)
Allah KNOWS BEST
Reply

aadil77
04-18-2009, 10:55 PM
If you're the brother proposing, how are you going to feel about your marriage when you remember that your wife never wanted to marry you in the first place and had been forced into it? Wouldn't you rather marry someone who wants to happily accept you without breaking 'down in tears'

If you're the sister, if you're not happy about it then don't go ahead with it you can't be forced into a potentially painful marriage for the rest of your life.
Reply

alcurad
04-18-2009, 11:28 PM
the marriage is invalid since the girl refuses, saying do whatever you want under pressure does not count as agreement.
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-18-2009, 11:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77
If you're the brother proposing, how are you going to feel about your marriage when you remember that your wife never wanted to marry you in the first place and had been forced into it? Wouldn't you rather marry someone who wants to happily accept you without breaking 'down in tears'

If you're the sister, if you're not happy about it then don't go ahead with it you can't be forced into a potentially painful marriage for the rest of your life.
Akhi i probably wouldnt like it a bit but that wasnt her Question her Question was would it be a haram marriage
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-18-2009, 11:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by alcurad
the marriage is invalid since the girl refuses, saying do whatever you want under pressure does not count as agreement.
First we will say Allah knows best if it is invalid or not unless you have daleel
Now we read what she wrote and from that parents might not know so how can we say yes it is invalid . And to you sis tell whom ever she is to tell her parents no she doesnt want to. is it haram Allah KNOWS best but in my opinion no it is not because she didnt refuse maybe this is what parents want they might know man and or family so in short if she doesnt want to she should not say let me think about it if she already knows or maybe etc say no let the man be on his way (MAY ALLAH FORGIVE ME IF IM WRONG) Ameen
but this is my opinion
Maybe you should try going to islamqa.com or fatwaislam.com
very good reliable islamic sites
Reply

Najm
04-19-2009, 12:26 AM
AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

The thing is some parents are just too difficult. They do all kinds of things to put their "happiness" before their daughters "happniess". There is soo much emtional blackmailing going on, that the daughter is put in a position where the choice is only a "yes".

Parents talk about their respect, and how they want this and that, but forget about the daughter. They forget that the daughter will have to spend the rest of the life with their spouse. And when things goes wrong, who will they blame? The parents of course!!

The parents do play an important role, but they arent the ones getting married. They are supposed to make the marriage process easier and not harder. They force their daughters to get married, and only realise the mistake later on. Its such a shame. imsad


Ukhti form OP, try your best to stick up for yourself. Its really hard, and mentally tiring. Sometimes you will feel like giving up, sometimes you will feel there is no hope, and you will feel you have no control.

Try your best to remain steadfast. Stay close to Allah (Subhana WaTa'ala), and seek His guidance.

FiAmaaniAllah
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-19-2009, 12:37 AM
Indeed some parents do they will be asked on that on the day of judgment but some not all :) as you said try your best to stick up for yourself and dua istikfar May Allah give you want is best for you ameen
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
04-19-2009, 12:54 PM
:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

I was wondering if this is considered a haram marriage. If a guy proposes to a girl. She doesn't want him in her heart but her parents do. She doesn't want to disappoint them so she can't say no but she has a hard time saying yes. She tells them she needs more time to think and then after some fighting and arguing she tells them to do whatever they want. The parents accept the proposal and the girl breaks down in tears because she doesn't want it.

Is this a haram marriage? The girl never said no but it is quite clear in her heart and her action that she doesn't want it.
i dont know, but really if she doesnt want him, she has every right to refuse, so take that option inshallah. she isnt doing anything wrong...it'll only get worse if she gets into a marriage she doesnt want....

speak to her parents or get someone to so that they understand where she is coming from ...
but really tell her she has every right to refuse so she should grab it with both hands...
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-20-2009, 07:12 PM
What if after the marriage has taken place she falls in love with the guy? I mean she becomes truely in love with him to the point that she can't see her life without him. Is there a way for her to redo the marriage process or has no sin been commited?

I mean when they married she didn't want it but now she does. From what I have read, this would be considered a haram act. Can they do something to make their marriage more halal in terms of the religion?

Also, would you ever tell the guy about this? What if other people know and he could possibly hear through them? Should she tell him first to deal with it? If you were the guy what would you do when you heard this?
Reply

ATHEISTofPEACE
04-20-2009, 07:22 PM
You should not marry him.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
04-21-2009, 06:37 AM
:sl:
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
What if after the marriage has taken place she falls in love with the guy? I mean she becomes truely in love with him to the point that she can't see her life without him. Is there a way for her to redo the marriage process or has no sin been commited?

I mean when they married she didn't want it but now she does. From what I have read, this would be considered a haram act. Can they do something to make their marriage more halal in terms of the religion?

Also, would you ever tell the guy about this? What if other people know and he could possibly hear through them? Should she tell him first to deal with it? If you were the guy what would you do when you heard this?
so what your saying is that she now loves the dude she was forced to marry and she was in love with another before him and now she wants to tell her husband that there was another before him :?
Reply

أبو سليمان عمر
04-21-2009, 06:40 AM
That is why it is best to begin knowing each other in the context of reality, and that reality begins in marriage, not in the imagination, which cannot make us ready for the responsibilities, the commitments, and the reciprocity of marriage. Nurturing one’s love before marriage is as good as building castles in the air: Once one awakes, the clouds disappear!

in Islam, when a man and a woman choose each other for marriage, neither is entitled to know about the past (personal private life) of the other. This is the extent to which Islam wants us to rise above the lower self and learn to love for the sake of Allah, not to love as in “to possess” each other.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-21-2009, 01:43 PM
Yeah, telling him would be a bad idea.

But is there anyway to make this marriage halal? Is there anyway to redo the marriage and make sure that it is halal?
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-28-2009, 01:00 PM
I guess there is no way to redo your marriage vows in islam to make it halal.
Reply

anonymous
04-29-2009, 11:25 AM
AssalamuAlaykum sis

Although you wasnt asked in the right way, and you didnt say yes as such, dont you think the marriage is valid if the contract was all done with and you gave your supposed consent for the second time @ the nikah? It's all halal if done in the right way. Why would you wanna redo?

And at the past...Nobody needs to know...Save yourself and Allah (swt) who you should repent to.
Reply

alcurad
04-29-2009, 11:43 AM
if both want to remain together now, then it's halal, you needn't do anything else regarding legal issues or vows etc.
Reply

Muslim Woman
04-29-2009, 12:00 PM


In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace


format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
:sl:

Is this a haram marriage? The girl never said no but...
Parents must not force daughter ( or son ) in to marriage . But s/he says yes in front of 2 witnesses , Mahr is given to her --then marriage is valid.

A girl complained to Prophet (pbuh) that her father gave her in to marriage without her permission . Prophet allowed that girl to break it if she wants but did not declare marriage as haram.
Reply

Yanal
04-29-2009, 05:23 PM
Thats being greedy brother ,if someone doesn't want to marry personally,why be greedy?
I don't know if that marriage is haaram because her parents and your parents accept but that is not the problem,the problem is that the sister herself doesn't want to marry. My advice: try to give her time and space and may Allah makes things work out. Ameen.

Btw if she does want to marry you,ask her if she really does. Maybe she might love another man,and have an affair with him when your at work..
Reply

AnonymousPoster
04-29-2009, 05:37 PM
Asalamualaikum

wow...sister, you seem to be in the same situation i am...and sorry it is rather long!

I relate this if anyone else is in this situation to be aware of your rights and then make a conscious descision.

I didn't have anyone else i wanted to marry only that i definitley didn't want to marry my husband.
I made it clear to my parents but they couldn't take no for an answer and started using emotional blackmail... they ignored the issue and postponed it for 6 years..by which time most people knew of the proposal and so called acceptance by my parents. This was a most difficult time,as i had to act like it was ok... if anyone cared to notice, i never showed it was ok.
when it was time i said it again that i don't like him...if i had known then i wasn't doing a bad thing islamically by making my parents unhappy i would have stuck to my answer. They told me how sinful it is to do this to your parents and i got frightened of that. so i said i'll accept if it makes you happy but don't think i will be happy with the marriage.
After which more emotional blackmail followed ...to say i am happy and mean it. I couldn't understand how that would be possible but they seem to think so...i convinced them to let the groom know ,i don't what was said to him but they agreed istikhara should be done and the result would depend on that. they wanted to intrepret the dreams ...lol obviously mine was a clear 'no' ..no need for interpretation!
somone must have mentioned to my dad that the devil can come and interfere with such things...so it became ..my istikhara was not valid.
The grooms one was unsure but more positive...i mean what kind of a man would want to marry someone who doesn't want to marry him?!
That was it...it happend and i thought id make a go of it since i was here.
im trying and its not too bad...almost 8 years now and 1 child...theres no way i can leave now and that is my descion for the welfare of my child.
I pray that i can love my husband so i can treat him better..i just hope my feelings for him and some of my resulting actions will be forgiven.
Any sisters out there please know the status and rights of the husband before you get tied up .... it is extremely difficult to sincerely do the right things when you have taken the choice under ignorance.
As for anyone in this situation...what keeps me sane is knowing that Allah does only what is good for His slaves and so i pin my hopes there and know inshallah ...it will be ok.

a request for duas for all in this place.
wasalam
Reply

AnonymousPoster
05-01-2009, 03:57 PM
If you were the guy and you found out that the person you are going to marry was forced to marry you but now they say they love you how would you react?
Reply

anonymous
05-07-2009, 09:45 PM
Aslmkm,

It is very possible to discover you actually like and love the person...
Although it may take time to get over the initial anger and pain from the forcing though.
It is possible for someone in this situation to love their partner.
Just remember ...Allah is the controller of hearts.:)

wslm
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-16-2015, 12:36 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-26-2014, 03:11 PM
  3. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-27-2010, 12:22 AM
British Wholesales - Certified Wholesale Linen & Towels | Holiday in the Maldives

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!