Why is getting Married so Difficult....

[AnonymousPoster]

AsalamuAlykum,

I'm a young practising Somali brother, University Graduate and have a good job, so why is getting married so difficult?

[ahmed_indian]

salaam,

bcoz we are more into studying and job.

they are just looking for beauty, money and fun.

brother, keep praying to Allah and try to find a pious girl. ask ur parents or local imam.

[Sahabiyaat]

i think parents, especially a girl's, make it extremely difficult, its almost like they never went through this, the way they create so many obstacles!

[nebula]

Just have paitence i know its hard bro but make dua to Allah to give you a beautiful pious muslim wife, beautiful as in pleasing to your eyes :)
Allah is the provider akhi! and go to your masjid go to ur muslim brothers tell them you want to get married, she won't fall from the sky but you'll find her inshallah akhi!

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[The Ruler]

... Because women, akhi, are complicated beings.

[nebula]

i dont think its the sisters that are complicated its just that marriage has been made complicated :D, you gotta have a marriage resume lol, and your experience and skills gotta be on it :X

[mathematician]

It's difficult because we want to choose our partners. In the past it was easy because everything was arranged. So you never had to do any work. Your parents find you someone propose for you, etc, and all you have to do is to agree to marry that person. :)

[Güven]

i dont think its the sisters that are complicated its just that marriage has been made complicated :D, you gotta have a marriage resume lol, and your experience and skills gotta be on it :X

no no no The Ruler is right!

Women are complicated :exhausted

[Yanal]

Its not complicated to get married it's complicated to find someone special to marry. You need to ask your family to find someone they think is suitable enough for you to marry,if they find one women,try to talk to her and find things she likes and her hobbies plus her past life and if she was involved with anyone else. In other words try to find small and big details about her.

Just keep trying and inshAllah you will find a sister suitable for you and your family. Don't overstress it's not like you are 40(hopefully). Don't stress or you might look tired when you "interview" her,just carry on with your regular life and routine and inshAllah Allah will make everything happen just right.

[islamlover_girl]

Don`t worry brother, in shaa Allah when u meet the one who Allah choose for u any difficult will disappear .

[S_87]

its not difficult, maybe youre just looking in the wrong places?

[Muslim Woman]

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

... so why is getting married so difficult?

Match making is my hobby. From my experience , I found that men want nice looking women . It's a pity . Some women & their guardian also sometimes dont' prefer religious persons but look for rich & handsome men.

We all have so many things to learn from this true story.

A Hope for Desperate Souls

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...am%2FDIELayout

[Imam]

AsalamuAlykum,

why is getting married so difficult?

peace

The answer is according to where you live....

in the developing countries the reason is not the parents nor the girl make it difficult ..in these countries most parents and girls welcome any proposal of marriage when the man have the minimum requirements to lead a matrimonial life...

so what is the problem?
It is that most young men don't have even the minimum requirements to lead a matrimonial life... and hardly afford a single life !


peace

[Mysterious Uk]

AsalamuAlykum,

I'm a young practising Somali brother, University Graduate and have a good job, so why is getting married so difficult?

High (sometimes unrealistic) expectations, both for guys and girls.

Just be patient brother because inshallah when you find the right girl she will be perfect!

[Sahabiyaat]

peace



so what is the problem?
It is that most young men don't have even the minimum requirements to lead a matrimonial life... and hardly afford a single life !

and what is that down to!
wrong parenting!

or they are just disappointingly lazy good for nothings! living off their parents money!

[convert]

AsalamuAlykum,

I'm a young practising Somali brother, University Graduate and have a good job, so why is getting married so difficult?

Brother, I hear you. I have a huge knock against me being as I am a white convert.

its not difficult, maybe youre just looking in the wrong places?

Subhanallah, what planet do you live on? I would like to visit.

[Imam]

athey are just disappointingly lazy good for nothings! living off their parents money!

I'm afraid it seems you talk from the prospective of a person not aware of how far the economic situation in the developing world arrived ,statements as:
(parents, especially a girl's, make it extremely difficult, they create so many obstacles!)

is mere old slogan ,hardly exist.....

It is not the parents neither the couples who create the obstacles...it is the economical situation who creates obstacles for All.....

anyone says otherwise is simply misinformed and needs to go and see with his,her own eyes...

peace

[convert]

Its not complicated to get married it's complicated to find someone special to marry. You need to ask your family to find someone they think is suitable enough for you to marry,if they find one women,try to talk to her and find things she likes and her hobbies plus her past life and if she was involved with anyone else. In other words try to find small and big details about her.

Just keep trying and inshAllah you will find a sister suitable for you and your family. Don't overstress it's not like you are 40(hopefully). Don't stress or you might look tired when you "interview" her,just carry on with your regular life and routine and inshAllah Allah will make everything happen just right.

Once again, I would disagree. I find it harder than pulling teeth.

[Sahabiyaat]

(parents, especially a girl's, make it extremely difficult, they create so many obstacles!)

is mere old slogan ,hardly exist.....

maybe in your world its not. But in mine, its a harsh reality.

oh..

Just to add.Im pakistani.that might exaplin it! *rolls eyes*!

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I agree with sis Sahabiyaat. I'm pakistani too sis Loool.

Just because its easy for you, doesn't mean it's easy for the next person! Parents DO make it difficult and I know this because I'm starting to see it with my mother....:/ Her list includes a dude with a silly PhD, good paying job and then DEEN. Basically she'd be rejecting half the population of bros that are practising and she doesnt seem to mind that. I've given her examples of nice bros and she rejects one after another...I'm gunna lose my mind.

So those of you who think its NOT TRUE and just a silly slogan, your wrong buddy!

A parents definition of suitable varies. Most have expectations too HIGH and I might miss out on a good brother just because its about the education and job!

[Imam]

Just because its easy for you, doesn't mean it's easy for the next person! Parents DO make it difficult and I know this because I'm starting to see it with my mother....:/ Her list includes a dude with a silly PhD, good paying job and then DEEN. Basically she'd be rejecting half the population of bros that are practising and she doesnt seem to mind that. I've given her examples of nice bros and she rejects one after another...I'm gunna lose my mind.

peace

It seems you would generalize your case and the way your parents approach the matter with the whole Pakistani community...that is simply not true...I met dozens of Pakistanis,Indians,Bangladeshi,North Africans etc.... and I had discussions with all regarding such specific point and found out that the same reason for the trouble in marriage is similar in all the developing world ,is not what your parents do ..it is what I mentioned before ....none ever told me the obstacle for marriage for most the population there is that parents would view their daughter as the princess who should win the best knight !! and your case(and some others too) with your mother by no mean represents the general rule....(most
parents would welcome any proposal of marriage from a good guy has the minimum requirements of marriage)......

well, that is my opinion and you have yours ..and the matter doesn't deserve argument at all .

peace for all

[S_87]

Subhanallah, what planet do you live on? I would like to visit.

:rolleyes:

seriously there are many many many single sisters and brothers out there looking to get married so it is definitely not a case of there being no women/men bring available...Maybe the problem is we set our standards too high/we look for someone perfect in every way/theres loads of reasons but there ARE one the other hand many people also getting married. it is a matter of where u look...finding a suitor is not in itself all that difficult

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I never generalized anyone, please tell me where i did that dude? I never said this was the ruling majority either! My point was tackling what you guys claim to be "hardly" the case, which is definitely not true. Please dont make stuff up as if I actually said it! I dont really care what people have told you to be quite frank, as I'm not claiming what exists as compared to another. The only person doing that is yourself. I just wont let silly comments pass by. I'm letting you know both sides exist. Thats all.

Oh and u can't claim to know which exists more than another. As many people might say what you did while many others will say most parents hold aspirations too high. All in all, you don't know. The only way you would know is if you actually spoke to every single parent on this planet, which I highly doubt.

[Imam]

I never generalized anyone, please tell me where i did that dude?

A parents definition of suitable varies. Most have expectations too HIGH

well, I think we arrived at the point of our discussion to be over...

thanx and
all the best

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Thats not generalizing. you claimed I was generalizing Pakistanis which I didnt, so you didnt answer my question. But anyway I think im talking to a wall here...Allahu Must'aan.

Oh btw, that line u quoted was a mistake on my part. I should have said there are parents, so my bad for that.

Anyways I'm done now.

:sl:

[convert]

:rolleyes:

seriously there are many many many single sisters and brothers out there looking to get married so it is definitely not a case of there being no women/men bring available...Maybe the problem is we set our standards too high/we look for someone perfect in every way/theres loads of reasons but there ARE one the other hand many people also getting married. it is a matter of where u look...finding a suitor is not in itself all that difficult

Ok I don't have much of any standards beyond deen, and even then I'm not one of those hard brothers. I have consistently been humiliated and dismissed throughout the process. So, I reiterate: what planet do you live on? Perhaps someone from there will marry me?

[Sahabiyaat]

Her list includes a dude with a silly PhD, good paying job and then DEEN

well....atleast shes choosing something good for you.......Im presented with one argument ; 'were related'. end of story. :)


ok brother imam, me and sis light of heaven come from a certain percentage (not sure how much, but its certainly a diminishing number as you say, because the people i speak to seem to find this practice ridiculous), of those pakistani unfortunates whose parents think like this.and it sucks.

the last thing on our minds is the bloody credit crunch!

[Yanal]

It might also be that you are lazy and think a so called perfect sister will walk up to you and ask if you want to marry her. I think not,if your doing nothing but asking us,I guess now you know the problem,get the laziness shrugged off and start peaking your nose around.

Btw is that the problem? Expand on your question please.

[أبو سليمان عمر]

ALL you need is sabr and to look when it is time you will get married inshallah akhi you are not the one who has be dismissed i wont say humiliated becasue it happens and nothing humiliating about it so dua look and sabr inshallah all will be well

[Banu_Hashim]

I think it's actually harder in the western countries... where everyone's thinking the same thing.. "It's soo hard to get married" (which true to an extent), whereby no one moves forward in the marriage process. Maybe it's because parents/relatives set so many unrealistic criteria ?

[Intisar]

:sl: I'm a Somali too, and I'm not a Uni grad but a student. I'm barely 19, and being a Somali I'm sure you know the tradition of the oldest daughter having to get married first. Well, it took my mother some convincing to allow her to let me get married early, and I explained everything to her and my family even helped.

My tips are keeping your options open, asking for help from family, and making it known that you want to get married. I don't wanna sound weird or anything, but shoot, if you even mention the mere fact that you're a Uni grad I'm sure you won't have any problems inshaAllaah (with finding a wife). Be patient and reliant on Allaah swt, after all marriage (like everything else) is Qadr.

InshaAllaah all works out for you. :)

[chacha_jalebi]

elloooo brother :D

salaam

have you asked you wana get married>? spoken to family? or if your a shy one, friends? spoken to the local imam?

its not difficult to marry, you just gota find the right person, thats the difficult bit me thinks, but keep a open mind, like dont restrict yourself, like say she has to be like me or summin, cos your unique :D and also after marriage, both hubby and wife brush of on each other, like you pick up each others habits and stuff

but i dont think its difficult to get married, its like when we goin for a exam and we like yeh man i wana smack that exam, but you aint done no revision, how you gona smack the exam :p likewise with marriage, you gota get out there, talk to people who can make thins happen, there are many muslims and muslimahs who wana get married, talk to the right people and soon, you can be given us weddin invites :D inshallah

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: I'm a Somali too, and I'm not a Uni grad but a student. I'm barely 19, and being a Somali I'm sure you know the tradition of the oldest daughter having to get married first. Well, it took my mother some convincing to allow her to let me get married early, and I explained everything to her and my family even helped.

My tips are keeping your options open, asking for help from family, and making it known that you want to get married. I don't wanna sound weird or anything, but shoot, if you even mention the mere fact that you're a Uni grad I'm sure you won't have any problems inshaAllaah (with finding a wife). Be patient and reliant on Allaah swt, after all marriage (like everything else) is Qadr.

InshaAllaah all works out for you. :)

Jazakallah Khair for everones advise and input, I appreciate what everyone has said.

For me the issue is not finding a sister, when it comes to Somali practising brothers and sisters, the Ratio is 50 sisters to every 1 brother, there are way more practising sisters than brothers who are looking for practising brothers. I don't mean to show off, but being a young Somali brother in my 20's with a degree and a good job, finding a sister is fairley easy Alahmdulilah. BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous, everyone always makes a big noise when people commit zina (which is ofcourse wrong and haram and we seek Allahs protection) but when someone wants to make it halal and be safe from all these evils which are around us, we get a big NO NO.

Again Jazakallah Khair, I ask Allah for his guidance.

[S_87]

Ok I don't have much of any standards beyond deen, and even then I'm not one of those hard brothers. I have consistently been humiliated and dismissed throughout the process. So, I reiterate: what planet do you live on? Perhaps someone from there will marry me?

Sorry to hear that then brother, it sure sucks to be dismissed just because youre a revert (i take it thats the reason?) A yes many parents can be closed minded into accepting a revert who may be great and meet their 'requirements' in every other way, just because hes from the wrong background. Have you tried putting feelers out to other brothers you know at the masjid/etc who may have sisters or know of people looking to get married where the fact that you being a revert will not be looked at (or may be a + since yes, there are many many sisters that prefer reverts)

May Allah make it easy for you

[Sahabiyaat]

i think parents, especially a girl's, make it extremely difficult, its almost like they never went through this, the way they create so many obstacles!

I'm afraid it seems you talk from the prospective of a person not aware of how far the economic situation in the developing world arrived ,statements as:
(parents, especially a girl's, make it extremely difficult, they create so many obstacles!)

is mere old slogan ,hardly exist.....

It is not the parents neither the couples who create the obstacles...it is the economical situation who creates obstacles for All.....

anyone says otherwise is simply misinformed and needs to go and see with his,her own eyes...

peace

Jazakallah Khair for everones advise and input, I appreciate what everyone has said.

For me the issue is not finding a sister, when it comes to Somali practising brothers and sisters, the Ratio is 50 sisters to every 1 brother, there are way more practising sisters than brothers who are looking for practising brothers. I don't mean to show off, but being a young Somali brother in my 20's with a degree and a good job, finding a sister is fairley easy Alahmdulilah. BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous, everyone always makes a big noise when people commit zina (which is ofcourse wrong and haram and we seek Allahs protection) but when someone wants to make it halal and be safe from all these evils which are around us, we get a big NO NO.

Again Jazakallah Khair, I ask Allah for his guidance.

I'd love to say 'in your face'!! right now brother imam, but i wont ...ok i just did.:D

[burdenofbeing]

yeah families and traditions. they suck. being able to separate islam from tradition is crucial for every muslim.

not only marriage, but also divorcing is difficult as well. We don't get married for ever and ever, yet we act like as if we are. There are many failed marriages that keep going because of fear, and that fear is not fear of god.

One day perhaps..

[Sahabiyaat]

[QUOTE=burdenofbeing;1132791]. There are many failed marriages that keep going because of fear, and that fear is not fear of god.

QUOTE]

ofcourse its not fear of God.

My mum points out to me how marriages are failing today and how back then, people hacked it no matter what.But i told her the only reason they hacked it was because there was so much pressure on them never ever to divorce, no matter what came, dispite violence, unhappiness, abuse, depression for both parties, couples were forced and even blackmailed by their families to stay together.....i mean what the hell is that all about.Doesnt the Quran say if you must, you can seperate?

Indeed, religion is easy, we just make it hard for ourselves.

[convert]

Sorry to hear that then brother, it sure sucks to be dismissed just because youre a revert (i take it thats the reason?) A yes many parents can be closed minded into accepting a revert who may be great and meet their 'requirements' in every other way, just because hes from the wrong background. Have you tried putting feelers out to other brothers you know at the masjid/etc who may have sisters or know of people looking to get married where the fact that you being a revert will not be looked at (or may be a + since yes, there are many many sisters that prefer reverts)

May Allah make it easy for you

Forgive me for my salty attitude, no need to take my frustrations out on you.

I mean, its a symptom of the problem but not the whole problem I guess. I've asked around with guys my age. Most of the time its a sister who

1) Doesn't want to involve her father right away... but cultural issues won't be an issue says she :rollseyes
2) Doesn't understand on anything more than a superficial level that I am a convert (i.e. my family is non-muslim and I'm not going to abandon them because they are kuffar, can you handle that?)
3) Wants a convert who she thinks she can dominate and will allow her to abandon family duties

In every meeting I have had, I have been contacted though. I know better than to ask uncles about their daughters, that ain't gonna fly.

Also, I know literally no muslim sisters. Lack of community is an issue as well. A HUGE issue for converts.

[Erundur]

... Because women, akhi, are complicated beings.

I believe it.
:blind:

also because the issue of the girls folks and the standards they've set also the women's. and vice versa

i can see why so many date. its difficult to support one another.

[Intisar]

Jazakallah Khair for everones advise and input, I appreciate what everyone has said.

For me the issue is not finding a sister, when it comes to Somali practising brothers and sisters, the Ratio is 50 sisters to every 1 brother, there are way more practising sisters than brothers who are looking for practising brothers. I don't mean to show off, but being a young Somali brother in my 20's with a degree and a good job, finding a sister is fairley easy Alahmdulilah. BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous, everyone always makes a big noise when people commit zina (which is ofcourse wrong and haram and we seek Allahs protection) but when someone wants to make it halal and be safe from all these evils which are around us, we get a big NO NO.

Again Jazakallah Khair, I ask Allah for his guidance.

:sl: Exactly, but alhamdulilah there are many Somali families that are welcoming no matter what part of the country you're from, or what tribe you come from. Most Somali families, you will notice, that are attached to qabeel are usually the not-so religious or not-so practising ones, because if you come from a religious family 10 out of 10 chances are they won't refuse a man for you just because he comes from tribe XYZ. :D I know this for a fact. I know many young somali couples, mashaAllaah, that are from completely different tribes and are happily married alhamdulilah. You need not worry about the eedos and adeeros, but what the father thinks inshaAllaah and if they still refuse you can always include an imaam.

Just be patient, and like I said before get people you know and trust involved. My family is the same exact way, they want me to finish my education, get a job, and then get married. But it took them a looooot of convincing, but alhamdulilah they came around. So if it's a problem with your parents thinking it's a problem too, you can always tell them benefits of getting married early.

Ilahay ha ku fuudeeyo inshaAllaah. :)

[MO783]

I no how hard it is, just keep praying and making dua, Inshallah it will come.

[S_87]

Forgive me for my salty attitude, no need to take my frustrations out on you.

no problem

I mean, its a symptom of the problem but not the whole problem I guess. I've asked around with guys my age. Most of the time its a sister who

1) Doesn't want to involve her father right away... but cultural issues won't be an issue says she :rollseyes
2) Doesn't understand on anything more than a superficial level that I am a convert (i.e. my family is non-muslim and I'm not going to abandon them because they are kuffar, can you handle that?)
3) Wants a convert who she thinks she can dominate and will allow her to abandon family duties

In every meeting I have had, I have been contacted though. I know better than to ask uncles about their daughters, that ain't gonna fly.

Also, I know literally no muslim sisters. Lack of community is an issue as well. A HUGE issue for converts.

hmmm seems youve had some bad experiences, we do have some convert brothers here who have managed to marry into families, inshaAllah they can give you advice as to how they did it.
Also, do you not have a masjid in ur area that you are known in?

[nebula]

Jazakallah Khair for everones advise and input, I appreciate what everyone has said.

For me the issue is not finding a sister, when it comes to Somali practising brothers and sisters, the Ratio is 50 sisters to every 1 brother, there are way more practising sisters than brothers who are looking for practising brothers. I don't mean to show off, but being a young Somali brother in my 20's with a degree and a good job, finding a sister is fairley easy Alahmdulilah. BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous, everyone always makes a big noise when people commit zina (which is ofcourse wrong and haram and we seek Allahs protection) but when someone wants to make it halal and be safe from all these evils which are around us, we get a big NO NO.

Again Jazakallah Khair, I ask Allah for his guidance.

bro does the sister have to be from somali? i mean can't you marry a sister from a different country? or would your parents object to that aswell?

[convert]

no problem



hmmm seems youve had some bad experiences, we do have some convert brothers here who have managed to marry into families, inshaAllah they can give you advice as to how they did it.
Also, do you not have a masjid in ur area that you are known in?

I go to the masjid for all but dhurh (I pray at work) on a daily basis so they know me there. Its just the community isn't all that open. I mean, a couple brothers have mentioned they would help me in this regard but nothing ever came from it.

[Banu_Hashim]

I know many young somali couples, mashaAllaah, that are from completely different tribes and are happily married alhamdulilah. You need not worry about the eedos and adeeros, but what the father thinks inshaAllaah and if they still refuse you can always include an imaam.

Alhamdulilah. That's why Islam came... to get rid of tribalism (and nationality) barriers.

[AnonymousPoster]

bro does the sister have to be from somali? i mean can't you marry a sister from a different country? or would your parents object to that aswell?

I can marry who I want, but I'm Somali and I love my Somali women (Love as in respect and think highly of them), I couldn't imagine marrying a non-somali's, Mashallah Somali sisters are excellent wives and mothers (no offense to all non Somali sisters, I'm sure you all make great wives and mothers). So inshallah my plans are to marry a Somali sister.

Again Jazakallah Khair for everyones advise. :D

[edil]

Brother may Allah give you a righteous wife and ease your situation, am a somali aswell and I see this type of issue day in and day out and the best thing you can do is pray to Allah and put your trust in him. The brothers and sisters already gave you good advices. You should let your close friends, family members, and the imam know that you want to get married and hopefully they'll find you someone. Once again this is not easy and requires lots of patients.

[Ar-RaYYan]

Jazakallah Khair for everones advise and input, I appreciate what everyone has said.

For me the issue is not finding a sister, when it comes to Somali practising brothers and sisters, the Ratio is 50 sisters to every 1 brother, there are way more practising sisters than brothers who are looking for practising brothers. I don't mean to show off, but being a young Somali brother in my 20's with a degree and a good job, finding a sister is fairley easy Alahmdulilah. BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous, everyone always makes a big noise when people commit zina (which is ofcourse wrong and haram and we seek Allahs protection) but when someone wants to make it halal and be safe from all these evils which are around us, we get a big NO NO.

Again Jazakallah Khair, I ask Allah for his guidance.

woah that stupid qabeel thing do exist then :skeleton: I mean serioulsy who cares if you are bloody hawiyo or dharood! What happened to personality, good manners n practising deen! But akhi if the girl is from a different tribe and she agrees to marry inshallah she could convince her parents to let her marry you. If not you could always ask advice from an imam you trust and maybe he could step in and inshallah make the parenst aware that refusing to let their daughter you because you are from different tribe isnt a legitimate reason.
yeah like sis Ameena* said most religious families wouldn't care if you from a different tribe as long as their daughter is marrying a good man they can trust, its just that those families who are 'qabeelistic' tend to be those who are not practising. Like someone else said maybe you are looking in the wrong place.

[Ar-RaYYan]

Ok I don't have much of any standards beyond deen, and even then I'm not one of those hard brothers. I have consistently been humiliated and dismissed throughout the process. So, I reiterate: what planet do you live on? Perhaps someone from there will marry me?

because you are a revert? woah that is really sad! imsad
wow Im surprised this is the first time im hearing things like that! Most of the people i know (sisters i mean :D) would love to marry a revert not because of the reasons you have listed below! :exhausted

I mean, its a symptom of the problem but not the whole problem I guess. I've asked around with guys my age. Most of the time its a sister who

1) Doesn't want to involve her father right away... but cultural issues won't be an issue says she
2) Doesn't understand on anything more than a superficial level that I am a convert (i.e. my family is non-muslim and I'm not going to abandon them because they are kuffar, can you handle that?)
3) Wants a convert who she thinks she can dominate and will allow her to abandon family duties

[convert]

because you are a revert? woah that is really sad! imsad
wow Im surprised this is the first time im hearing things like that! Most of the people i know (sisters i mean :D) would love to marry a revert not because of the reasons you have listed below! :exhausted

It happens, some sisters are a little naieve I guess. Its good that they are willing but they just don't really think things through fully you know? When it hits them "oh wow this might be a little tough" then it can end on a sour note. Also, even though they don't mean to, sometimes they can say some stuff thats kinda offensive.

Its ok, I mean I got a meeting coming up later this week. InshaAllah it will go ok. If not, I guess I've gotta track down my friends from college and try the auntie network.

Also: is it seriously that bad for Somalis? I mean, I know about and have dealt with the outsider trying to marry a Somali sister but I never thought it would be so ridiculous for their own people.

[Sahabiyaat]

Its ok, I mean I got a meeting coming up later this week. InshaAllah it will go ok. If not, I guess I've gotta track down my friends from college and try the auntie network.

The auntie network :muddlehea

surely your situation cant be that bad!!! lol.

[convert]

The auntie network :muddlehea

surely your situation cant be that bad!!! lol.

la howla wa la quwata ila billah

Afraid so.

[nebula]

whats the auntie network?

[convert]

whats the auntie network?

They don't have this across the pond?

I have a bunch of Paki friends. Their mothers have all been anxious to marry me off since I took shahadah. I might just let them try if this doesn't go through.

[AbuSalahudeen]

whats the auntie network?

Brother its faster than the fastest wireless broadband connection, its the fastest way to get news and information out there.

I call it the :skeleton::skeleton: Halimo Network :skeleton::skeleton:.

[nebula]

ohh okay i get it know... the auntie network you mean to say if you tell a "auntie" you want to get married then she'll tell other aunties and the news will spread from england to pakistan to australia

[convert]

ohh okay i get it know... the auntie network you mean to say if you tell a "auntie" you want to get married then she'll tell other aunties and the news will spread from england to pakistan to australia

Bingo. I've been to the potlucks, iftars, and eid gatherings... the auntie network is intense. I just fear the type of sister I would get. I mean to say, deen doesn't seem like its really even put into account in the matches I have personally seen.

[nebula]

^ bro i don't have much advice to give but all i can say is that just be paitent inshallah, its hard being paitence but its one of the characteristics of a mu'min! :)

[Ar-RaYYan]

It happens, some sisters are a little naieve I guess. Its good that they are willing but they just don't really think things through fully you know? When it hits them "oh wow this might be a little tough" then it can end on a sour note. Also, even though they don't mean to, sometimes they can say some stuff thats kinda offensive.

wow thats kinda sad. I got this feeling that those sisters werent exactly ready for marriage. n about saying offensive stuff well that is immature and childish, i bet they were just trying to blame you less guilt to deal to with in that way. Inshallah be glad you didnt marry someone like that!

Its ok, I mean I got a meeting coming up later this week. InshaAllah it will go ok. If not, I guess I've gotta track down my friends from college and try the auntie network.

inshallah i sincerely hope that goes well! May Allah make this meeting easy for you and with a good result inshallah

the auntie network! that is really really scary :exhausted hope u dont come to that situation

Also: is it seriously that bad for Somalis? I mean, I know about and have dealt with the outsider trying to marry a Somali sister but I never thought it would be so ridiculous for their own people.

[/QUOTE]

Im surprised myself! I mean obvioulsy i know somalis have got this problem with tribe thing but i had no idea that in this age n time someone would refuse to marry their daughter because that person happen to be from a different tribe!! Alhamdullilah i dont know anyone that have been refused because of that reason n even those less practising are not that bad. My parents are from completely different tribes n when they got married they were not religious at all so im surprised that something like that happens in our generation!
n about outsiders marrying a somali sisters- well i know a lot of somali sisters that married reverts, asians or other blacks n alhmadullilah their marriage is fine.
btw are you implying that you've asked a somali sister for marriage n it didnt work out?

[Imam]

I'd love to say 'in your face'!! right now brother imam, but i wont ...ok i just did.:D

:)


Have you read what the man is talking about?

BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous

He is obviously talking about different cultural marriage (whether the person belong to different race,country,religion,tribe etcc.)and its difficulties ....

he answered another question,Why marriage from a person who is different in some cultural,geographical aspects than you is difficult?

and he answered but not the complete answeres as fears and doubts not only
what is expected from parents but the couples as well...


If you accept his answer(tribal differences) to be proper to the question :
Why marriage generally difficult in the developing countries ,including Somalia etc.....?

then you should assume that the millions of young men and woman who passed the 30's ,in such countries , without marriage or even hope of soon marriage , is due to tribal issues...... and that is simply untrue as normally one would marry from his,her home,tribe etc......

so back again to my broader original question: Why is getting Married generally so Difficult in developing countries?
the answer(which you would hear often if you in such countries stop any single man in the street asking him why not yet married) :

due to the economical difficulties....

well ,I hope you deal with such trouble with mother regarding choice by resorting to your father....
and I advice you and other sisters to trust more the opinion of the father regarding the man who propose marriage as none understands a man better than a man like him.......


I shared my thoughts with you again as you proved yourself to be a descent person ......

peace and bless

[youngsister]

Jazakallah Khair for everones advise and input, I appreciate what everyone has said.

For me the issue is not finding a sister, when it comes to Somali practising brothers and sisters, the Ratio is 50 sisters to every 1 brother, there are way more practising sisters than brothers who are looking for practising brothers. I don't mean to show off, but being a young Somali brother in my 20's with a degree and a good job, finding a sister is fairley easy Alahmdulilah. BUT the issue comes with the families, they are soooooooooooooooooooo difficult, because you come from a different part or a different tribe, for this reason only they would not give you a chance. I know this issue is apparent in pritty much in every culture, but why, its just ridiculous, everyone always makes a big noise when people commit zina (which is ofcourse wrong and haram and we seek Allahs protection) but when someone wants to make it halal and be safe from all these evils which are around us, we get a big NO NO.

Again Jazakallah Khair, I ask Allah for his guidance.

Brother you have it easier than many trust me..like you said in the somali community there are more practising sisters than brothers..I am a somali sister and it will be a struggle for me to find a good brother simply because there arent many out there.

Why would you want to be married to a family who is into qabil? Trust me is important that you get on with the family if they are so ignorant and difficult insha Allah look for someone else. There are many sisters on marriage out there it shouldnt be that difficult to find one.

May Allah swt grant you a pious wife.

[AbuSalahudeen]

Brother you have it easier than many trust me..like you said in the somali community there are more practising sisters than brothers..I am a somali sister and it will be a struggle for me to find a good brother simply because there arent many out there.

Why would you want to be married to a family who is into qabil? Trust me is important that you get on with the family if they are so ignorant and difficult insha Allah look for someone else. There are many sisters on marriage out there it shouldnt be that difficult to find one.

May Allah swt grant you a pious wife.

Its always alot harder for sisters, so in that case sisters could get there male family members to approach brother she may like to get to know for the purposes of marriage ofcourse.

[Sahabiyaat]

and also the proportion of men to women.....its like were queing up to get married, and all men have to do is take their pick.:mmokay:

[AbuSalahudeen]

and also the proportion of men to women.....its like were queing up to get married, and all men have to do is take their pick.:mmokay:

There is nothing stopping sisters from asking Brothers, through male family members.

[nebula]

and also the proportion of men to women.....its like were queing up to get married, and all men have to do is take their pick.:mmokay:

lol, haha

I could imagine that, hmm i choose you! you are the chosen one!

or take a name out of the hat! the winner is ukthi number 3!

"oh my! i won!"

[Cabdullahi]

I would be like.......

'' I pick you and you, that one there......erm oh i got one more choice haven't i.....the sister on the left .....yeah you! dont act like its not you

thats four sisters in the bag!


on a serious not inshallah brother who started the thread you'll get your wifey just play your cards right.....

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

whats the auntie network?

Something you should seek refuge in Allaah from. :skeleton:

[noorseeker]

so whats the proportion of asian practising girls to guys.

i aint got a clue, i cant name one practising sister , i ask my friends, everyone,

where are you all

[Ar-RaYYan]

so whats the proportion of asian practising girls to guys.

i aint got a clue, i cant name one practising sister , i ask my friends, everyone,

where are you all

that is so weird! i know some brummy asian practising sisters! Maybe you are looking in the wrong place bro :D

[Musaafirah]

so whats the proportion of asian practising girls to guys.

i aint got a clue, i cant name one practising sister , i ask my friends, everyone,

where are you all

Dude, you live in Brummie land, don't tell me you've never come across a practicing sister! Unless of course you live in the wrong part of the city.
Seriously, more and more people (in my experience) are becoming practicing masha'allah. Thing is, you've got to see what your criteria and expectations are and make sure they're not unreasonably high.
To original poster, I hope Allah eases your path for you.

[AbuSalahudeen]

so whats the proportion of asian practising girls to guys.

i aint got a clue, i cant name one practising sister , i ask my friends, everyone,

where are you all

I'm from London, and I know there are many many practising sisters in Birmingham, have you ever been to Coventry Road lol its like Kabul mashallah. I love Coventry Road, if I was to leave London and move to another part of England I would for sure head to Coventry Road, Small Heath near Green Lane Masjid.

[Cabdullahi]

Where Im from its abit hard for a guy like me who has diffidence :( to spark the hunt,but im broke anyway.....so i just have to forget it....but mashallah the thread starter has a job and a complete degree, you've clearly cleared the big hurdles you just need to find the right person and you wont achieve that sitting at home scratching your head

[Ar-RaYYan]

I'm from London, and I know there are many many practising sisters in Birmingham, have you ever been to Coventry Road lol its like Kabul mashallah. I love Coventry Road, if I was to leave London and move to another part of England I would for sure head to Coventry Road, Small Heath near Green Lane Masjid.

yeah mashallah its true! you would never realise you are living in a non-muslim country and more and more reverts are moving there
I used to live there and do still attend Greenlane Masjid is a great mosque mashallah :thumbs_up

[AbuSalahudeen]

yeah mashallah its true! you would never realise you are living in a non-muslim country and more and more reverts are moving there
I used to live there and do still attend Greenlane Masjid is a great mosque mashallah :thumbs_up

Mashallah I love Green Lane Masjid, I attend the annual conference there every year, there is also a nice masjid near by run my Somalis.

[Ar-RaYYan]

Mashallah I love Green Lane Masjid, I attend the annual conference there every year, there is also a nice masjid near by run my Somalis.

yeah the annual conference usually attracts people all over the country and the whole masjid is packed mashallah! and there are loads of different ethnic groups mashallah thats what i love about -has more this 'ummah' feeling .
yeah the other one is called 'Ar-Rahma' and i think they also built another mosque near small heath

[AbuSalahudeen]

yeah the annual conference usually attracts people all over the country and the whole masjid is packed mashallah! and there are loads of different ethnic groups mashallah thats what i love about -has more this 'ummah' feeling .
yeah the other one is called 'Ar-Rahma' and i think they also built another mosque near small heath

Mashallah thats it Ar-Rahma or Ar-Rahman masjid, mashallah really liked that Masjid.

[yusuf18]

Mashallah thats it Ar-Rahma or Ar-Rahman masjid, mashallah really liked that Masjid.

we shud leave the kuffa land uk im makeing hijra inshallah and hope more brothers follow

[noorseeker]

so whats the proportion of asian practising girls to guys.

i aint got a clue, i cant name one practising sister , i ask my friends, everyone,

where are you all

[nebula]

^ bro does she have to be asian practicing? :) i mean bro were all 1 ummah we shouldn't worry about marrying people from our own race well i wouldn't mind marrying any sister tbh, alhumdulilah my parents wouldn't mind even tho their pakistani. :O

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

well....atleast shes choosing something good for you.......Im presented with one argument ; 'were related'. end of story. :)


ok brother imam, me and sis light of heaven come from a certain percentage (not sure how much, but its certainly a diminishing number as you say, because the people i speak to seem to find this practice ridiculous), of those pakistani unfortunates whose parents think like this.and it sucks.

the last thing on our minds is the bloody credit crunch!

Urgh. Sis it's not good if your mother practically said no to a lot of bros already. As soon as she hears the not higher than BA or has such and such a job, its full stop no. She doesnt consider any further. And quite honestly its ridiculous. For the love of Allah, if Allah wants He can take that away from you, then what will you do, complain? You'd better be ready then. So thats why I dont CARE. Oh and I really didnt claim theres more of my situation, but u cant say its barely there, coz this issue and the non issue r in equal amounts. I was trying to make the point that to say its hardly there is too much of a stretch. I know this brother who really doesnt have a good job but because he's concerned about doing everything halal. Well he's been rejected by majority of the Muslim families, it not being the girls fault. But anyway, case closed, on this topic.

:sl:

[Sahabiyaat]

Urgh. Sis it's not good if your mother practically said no to a lot of bros already. As soon as she hears the not higher than BA or has such and such a job, its full stop no. She doesnt consider any further. And quite honestly its ridiculous. For the love of Allah, if Allah wants He can take that away from you, then what will you do, complain? You'd better be ready then. So thats why I dont CARE. Oh and I really didnt claim theres more of my situation, but u cant say its barely there, coz this issue and the non issue r in equal amounts. I was trying to make the point that to say its hardly there is too much of a stretch. I know this brother who really doesnt have a good job but because he's concerned about doing everything halal. Well he's been rejected by majority of the Muslim families, it not being the girls fault. But anyway, case closed, on this topic.

:sl:

thats sucks mannn.

im rebelling :mmokay:

[S_87]

we shud leave the kuffa land uk im makeing hijra inshallah and hope more brothers follow

dont be so quick to say stuff like that, its easier to practice islam in some way in uk than egypt you know