what is the Islamic way to disagre with your Parents

[ayan333]

:sl:

i need urgent help..i keep disagreeing with my Parents and i find myself comitting a major sin over and over again so i need your help

i no it might sound stupid but..


what is the correct way to disagree with your Parents?

what if they wont listen or agree and you know you have to do what ever it is they disagree with?

how much of a sin is disoebying your Parnets although you tried to respect them while still going on with your plans?

JazakALLAH Khair in advance

[ahmed_indian]

u shd not obey paretns in things which are against Islam

in other things u can debate in a polite manner (afterall they took care of u when u was an infant)

take help of some religious elder...

and keep making dua and patience.

almost everybody have to go thru it.

[mathematician]

If they won't listen that's their problem. If after explaining to them gently why you want something they are still angry then that's their problem and not yours. That would be immaturity on their part and for that there is no sin on you.
There is no sin on disobeying your parents for things that you want to do that are halaal and they don't like. The sin comes from being disrespectful toward them. You have a right to your individual choices.

[Yanal]

What are you disobeying them for?

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[anonymous]

If they won't listen that's their problem. If after explaining to them gently why you want something they are still angry then that's their problem and not yours. That would be immaturity on their part and for that there is no sin on you.
There is no sin on disobeying your parents for things that you want to do that are halaal and they don't like. The sin comes from being disrespectful toward them. You have a right to your individual choices.

If only someone could have told me this when parents were forcing me to get married.imsad:hmm:

...Allah knows best.

[Muhammad]

:sl:

Whatever the case, the key thing is respecting your parents. You have to try and use wisdom and avoid causing your parents to be angry at you. They are the ones who spend their lives making du'aa for you and are the cause of many blessings - they are the key to success.

The position of parents, and the mutual obligations and responsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail. In fact kindness and obedience is so strongly emphasized, that Allaah (swt) has linked showing gratitude to one's parents with showing gratitude to Allaah (swt).

One of the dearest deeds is being good and dutiful to parents:
'Abdullaah Ibn Mas'ood

narrated: I asked the Prophet

"Which deed is the dearest to Allaah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" [Al-Bukhaari]

If they won't listen that's their problem. If after explaining to them gently why you want something they are still angry then that's their problem and not yours. That would be immaturity on their part and for that there is no sin on you.

Is this not a disrespectful attitude to have? And as you said, it is sinful to disrespect them.

There is no sin on disobeying your parents for things that you want to do that are halaal and they don't like. The sin comes from being disrespectful toward them. You have a right to your individual choices.

The following is good advice:

You have to acknowledge their status and respect them and offer them good companionship, even if they give you a hard time with regard to things that Allaah has made permissible for you. Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents well even if they are kuffaar who call you to shirk, so how about if they are calling us to something which they sincerely believe to be good? Even if sometimes it causes you some difficulty with regard to something that is permissible for you, the best thing to do is to obey them and do what they want. Even though you do not have to do this, it is a kind of sacrifice and giving them preference, because they are the most deserving of being given good treatment. In the Qur’aan, Allaah has mentioned obedience to parents immediately after worship of Him, in order to demonstrate the high status afforded obedience to parents.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/5053

[Intisar]

:sl: I used to argue a lot with my mother, and most of the time my Dad was the only one who was on my side.

I think you need to find a way to respectfully disagree with your parents, and remember that family are the dearest to you and they'll have your back. Don't yell, don't talk back, don't say any harsh/mean words, just respect their opinion and be generally respectful. And then come with some Islamic evidence to back up what you want to say, they should then understand insha'Allaah.

I have argued with my mother on a lot of things: ie, her trying to force me to not wear ''scary clothes'' to the airport, don't wear ''terrorist'' attire to an interview (you won't get the job), niqab is not apart of Islam and if you do start wearing it I'll be sad and not so pleased about it.

But alhamdulilah I had my Dad to back me up!! This is not the case for everyone though, and probably for you since you said ''parents'' (I assume).

And also, make du'a for your parents (insha'Allaah that they come around) and be a generally good Muslim person. Because when your imaan is high, you're usually not quick to jump at people especially your parents since Allaah has told us in the Quran to speak to them gently and use kind words.

Allaah swt answered my du'a(s) and my mother no longer feels the same way she used to. She has also become more religious alhamdulilah.

I never used to scream/yell or talk back to her, I just used to tell her things directly from the Quraan or sunnah of rasulullaah saws. Maybe you should try this method?

May Allaah make things easier on you and your family insha'Allaah. Ameen.

:w:

[ayan333]

:sl:
JazakALLAH Khair but shes waaaaaaaay more knowledgable then i am so she knows it all MashALLAH

i hope n Pray that it all stops asap InshALLAH!

:w:

[Yanal]

:sl:

Question Do we have to listen and act upon whatever our parents say eves if it is wrong to do?
FatwaPraise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

It is our duty to be dutiful to our parents, to treat them kindly, to fulfill their rights over us and to obey them, but in what is good and righteous. In other words, we should not obey them if they order us to do what is Haram in Islam. A Prophetic Hadith that reads: "Obedience is limited to good and righteous matters" [Reported by Imam Bukhari ].
Another Hadith reads: "There should be no obedience to some creature if such an obedience constitutes disobedience to Allah" [ Ahmad ].
Also, if our parents order us to do what we cannot do, then we are not obliged to fulfill their request, since Allah, The Exalted, does not burden a person beyond his scope. However, we have to present our apology kindly and politely.
Thus, we tell our brother, the inquirer: It is Haram to disobey your parents and to be in contrast with them even though for trivial matters as long as you can do such things, without causing any harm to you.
Know that being undutiful is of several kinds and degrees and you are advised to avoid any of them.
If you disobey them, we advise you to do your best to regain their satisfaction and pardon so that you can avoid their becoming angry at you. Then, note Allah's Messenger's Hadith concerning a mother: "Stick to her feet (i.e. to show obedience, respect, reverence), since Paradise is under her feet" [Reported by Imam Muslim ].
Also, Allah has Ordered us to treat our parents kindly and warned us of disobeying or hurting them in word or in deed.
Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.} [17: 23].
The above-mentioned verse states that one should not say to them a word of disrespect that might hurt them. But, you have to show patience and seek Allah's reward, as they were patient when you were a child. The verse "nor shout at them " means do not scold them.
Imam al-Razi said: 'The verse "say not to them a word of disrespect " means one should not show any form of boredom towards parents. The verse "nor shout at them " means one's showing his contradiction to his parents opinion as a form of denial of their sayings.
The verse: "but address them in terms of honor " means one has to avoid any form of harsh words and Allah guides one to resort to good words and sayings.
Allah knows best.

[mathematician]

Brother Muhammad, it is not disrespecting your parents to do something for yourself when the action is completely halaal according to the Qur'an for example. We are humans and we will have differences. Yes sometimes our parents will express unhappiness by some of our actions but that's just human nature. If you try to satisfy all of your parents' desires then that's ok as long as they are halaal but it is not necessary to do that. It's a choice.
Parents sometimes have to show some level of maturity and understand that their children have their own soul, have a right to their own choices. If they cannot do that then they have failed in that aspect.

The comments you gave from islamqa.com simply give you the opinion of one imam who thinks you "should" obey your parents even if they tell you to do something you don't like. That is his opinion and notice how he has no choice but to say "even though you do not have to do this....."
Putting parents aside, even if it's another human being, if you try to satisfy all their desires and do exactly what they tell you then you are looking for a difficult life in this world, which is not necessary at all if you have Allah not imposing that kind of life on you.
wa sallamu 'alaykum brother-in-Islam

[witness]

:sl:

I wonder if it depends on one's level of iman....

If it is strong, choosing the preference of the parents may not cause resentment on any level.
Determining whether this resentment exists or not would require a great deal of maturity and honesty within oneself.

In the absence of the above if things go wrong by choosing the parents preference there will always be a danger of blaming them which may cause difficulties in fulfilling their rights easily.

It may be wiser to make it easy on oneself to do what one is happier doing (within islamic boundries) so that it is easier to fulfill the rights and duties of the parents in a genuine honest manner and also easier to take responsibility for one's own choices.

Wslm

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

not respond to their harshness with harshness. Rather you should try to speak kindly to them, and treat them kindly, and seek reward with Allah Taala. Be polite to disagree with them. :)

“O you who believe! If you obey and fear Allaah, He will grant you Furqaan [(a criterion to judge between right and wrong), or (Makhraj, i.e. a way for you to get out from every difficulty)], and will expiate for you your sins, and forgive you; and Allaah is the Owner of the Great Bounty”
[al-Anfaal 8:29]


We ask Allah to make things easy for you and protect you from all evil.