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pipay
04-22-2009, 08:13 AM
I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?
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'Abd-al Latif
04-22-2009, 10:13 AM
Abortion is haram but boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are haram to begin with!
Reply

S_87
04-22-2009, 10:22 AM
Hello and Welcome :)

Her boyfriend wanting the baby to be aborted is absolutely selfish and his way of getting out of what he has done. Tell him to be a man and face up to his responsibilities and mistakes, he is probably scared of what his parents would say at what he has done?
Reply

- Qatada -
04-22-2009, 12:50 PM
Hi.

Abortion isnt allowed under such a situation, and the child should be muslim.

Maybe you can advise the mother to come on this forum and the female member sisters can help her and give her advice? :)
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Muslim Woman
04-22-2009, 03:38 PM
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
... Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?

May God guide them , Ameen. They committed a major sin ---had close physical relationship before marriage . Now they want to do another sin ....kill the baby .

I think , they should get married right now . Baby is supposed to be raised as Muslim.
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kwolney01
04-22-2009, 08:29 PM
Abortion is absolutely haram in Islam...I can't believe he would ask her to do that.

Them having a relationship is haram in the first place, he is just trying to take the "easy" way out.

InshAllah the women will not go through with it.
Reply

pipay
04-23-2009, 05:44 AM
hi. i'm pipay's friend. she allowed me to use her account so that i can understand everything well (hope it's allowed).

Actually, I went on vacation last december to my country but before that, my boyfriend forced me to have sex with him for his security. He's thinking that I will no longer be back. After my vacation, I came to know that I'm pregnant and he refuse to admit the truth. One night, he ask me to marry him, then I said yes. Suddenly he told me that he is already married and his family will not allow him to marry to a foreign country. I told him to end the relationship but until now, he doesn't want to let me go.

One day, he told me to abort the baby and I said no. I cannot let myself commit another sin and mistake in my life. I cannot correct a mistake with another mistake. This is life, this is human, I cannot kill my own baby. Sometimes, he's telling me that one day he may be lost, gone back to pakistan because of my decision to let the baby live. I'm afraid to lose him because practically I need his support for our baby.

Please advise me. Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me? What if she didn't agree? Is there any cases of "secret" second marriage? What if the first wife came to know that his husband has a second wife? Would that be void? If marrying is not possible, should my baby be a muslim or a christian?
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Yanal
04-25-2009, 09:56 PM
Well abortion is haaram,so to avoid doing any major sins the Christian girl will have to convert to Islam and marry.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
04-25-2009, 10:21 PM
Everything your boyfriend has done up until now and is still doing is absolutely wrong.
For one as u said, he is married and has had a relationship with u while he is married and NOT married to you. Third, he wants you to abort the child. It's absolutely haram what he has done and aborting the child as well.

Honestly he just seems like he's playing with your emotions and trying to take the easy way out. It's not worth staying with him and to commit another sin and kill your baby. I can't imagine how his wife would feel and I think you should marry and I'm hoping you do accept Islam inshaAllah, that on your own accord. If you have any other questions pleaseee ask, we'll help.
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Yanal
04-25-2009, 10:26 PM
Its not her boyfriend ,it's her friends boyfriend and the friend itself.
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Ansariyah
04-25-2009, 10:31 PM
This so called Muslim man in Question makes me sick...!

No offence but he really sounds insane.
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Yanal
04-25-2009, 10:36 PM
Its how life is planned,it's his life and he's risking himself into hell and all we can do is to warn this sister to tell him and hope for the best.
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The Ruler
04-25-2009, 10:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me?
Nope.

Is there any cases of "secret" second marriage?
Yup.

What if the first wife came to know that his husband has a second wife? Would that be void?
Nope.

If marrying is not possible, should my baby be a muslim or a christian?
Muslim.
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IbnAbdulHakim
04-26-2009, 01:02 AM
the boyfriend should take responsibility



may Allah guide him Ameen
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Yanal
04-26-2009, 01:04 AM
Shhh no swearing,that could get you an infraction......
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alcurad
04-26-2009, 01:18 AM
you can abort as long the pregnancy is not past a certain time.
the time differs according to whom you ask, generally it would be around/after the 4th month, I'm not sure.
before that, the fetus is taken to be not a human life, ie. no spirit, just flesh.
either case, I don't think you should do it, a potential life is a precious thing, it should be nurtured, not aborted.
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أبو سليمان عمر
04-26-2009, 01:26 AM
The basic principle is that it is not permissible to abort a woman’s pregnancy at any stage except for a legitimate shar’i reason. If the pregnancy is still a nutfah (drop), i.e., forty days or less, and if aborting it will serve a shar’i interest or ward off some harm that may affect the mother, it is permissible to abort it in this case.
BUT . IF SHE HAS THE kid he/she belongs to his mother, and should not be named after his/her father. This is the ruling concerning the illegitimate child: he/she should not be named after his/her father because he was conceived in fornication, not in wedlock. It is obligatory to take care of this child and bring him up with Islamic manners and morals.
the illegitimate child has nothing to do with his parents’ crime, and that he has all the same rights as any other Muslim, male or female. He must also fear Allaah so that he may become one of the people of Paradise with whom Allaah is pleased.
http://islamqa.com/en/search/illegit...AllWords/t,q,a
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alcurad
04-26-2009, 01:35 AM
brother, the child could be named after the father, if the father is known, regardless of wedlock or not.
nowadays there are many ways to prove fatherhood, it is up to her though. see, he has to take care of the child under law, and if he proves this is not his child, the mother will take all the burden or raising it.
thus in this case it is up to her to name him, although in their society I'd say the name doesn't matter that much.
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TabTabiun
04-26-2009, 01:39 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?
Hi, well first and formal the baby is not his Islamically due to the fact that the child is illegitimate he is his mother's child only, and abortion is nott haraam before the fetus is noticeably human and Allah Azza Wa Jaal knows best.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
04-26-2009, 01:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Yanal
Its not her boyfriend ,it's her friends boyfriend and the friend itself.
The one who spoke in that post was her, the one i replied 2.
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أبو سليمان عمر
04-26-2009, 01:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Please advise me. Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me?
No he doesnt but he should tell them
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
What if she didn't agree?
she doesnt need to agree
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Is there any cases of "secret" second marriage?
Marriage in sunnah should be announced because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in Musnad ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1072)
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
What if the first wife came to know that his husband has a second wife?
What if ?
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Would that be void?
no
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
If marrying is not possible, should my baby be a muslim or a christian?
If the marrige is our isnt the baby should be muslim

The best thing for you to do is to become Muslim, because Allaah created mankind to worship Him as He wants. He wants us to worship Him in the Islamic way. The Christian religion was right in its own time (when it first came), but it has been distorted, then Allaah abrogated it with Islam. The Muslims recognize the religion of the Messiah, may peace be upon him, but it was followed before Islam came, by a small group of people. Then Islam came and abrogated it, so it is not right to follow it now.
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Tornado
04-26-2009, 01:57 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?
Tell her to go see her parents/guardians if possible. This is not a light issue = /
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أبو سليمان عمر
04-26-2009, 02:03 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by alcurad
brother, the child could be named after the father, if the father is known, regardless of wedlock or not.
nowadays there are many ways to prove fatherhood, it is up to her though. see, he has to take care of the child under law, and if he proves this is not his child, the mother will take all the burden or raising it.
thus in this case it is up to her to name him, although in their society I'd say the name doesn't matter that much.
can you show me where it says so :) Jazak Allahu khayr
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Yanal
04-26-2009, 02:27 AM
If he refuses to marry then?
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alcurad
04-26-2009, 02:35 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Umar^111
can you show me where it says so :) Jazak Allahu khayr
http://www.uslaw.com/library/article...tml?area_id=15

if you meant the child being named, it is not allowed to call a child the name of someone who is not his parent, otherwise the fifth verse, chapter 33(Al Ahzab) says:
"ادعـهم لآبائـهم هـو أقسـط عنـد الله"

YUSUFALI: Call them by (the names of) their fathers: that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if ye know not their father's (names, call them) your Brothers in faith, or your (maula's:clients in PIKHTAL). But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.

it goes for all children, not just the adopted, that they be named by their 'real/biological' father's name.

the Hadeeth:“The child is to be attributed to the husband and the adulterer deserves nothing.” is not correct, rather it is one of the arabs idioms/proverbs, it is not a religious edict.

allowing the person to get away with it and not supporting the mother monetarily is no a good idea, regardless of wedlock or not, nowadays we have DNA testing etc to prove parentage without a doubt, it should be applied if the person is not supporting his own child.

as for the name, there is nothing that indicates a child cannot be named after his father except a single hadeeth, which is not correct according to some at least, and is taken out of context in the first place, and several more practical reasons for calling the child after his father making it invalid.

NB, it doesn't matter what x scholar or y scholar said if they don't have strong evidence for it.
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pipay
04-26-2009, 06:00 AM
thanks to everybody who has given their advices, it's really a big help.
yesterday, i met him. he is really not willing to take the responsibility.he told me that he really love me but not to the point of having a baby. but i don't have any plans of aborting the baby. what i need is just a financial support! but how?
he told me that in their culture, once his family came to know about the baby, they will never forgive him. how true is it especially in pakistanis? and why? i believe that your family would still be your family forever and they will not throw you out that easily, instead, they must give you proper advices and support you, right?
and if i'm a christian, how can i raise my baby to be a muslim? i don't know that much about it.
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pipay
04-26-2009, 06:12 AM
Hi, well first and formal the baby is not his Islamically due to the fact that the child is illegitimate he is his mother's child only, and abortion is nott haraam before the fetus is noticeably human and Allah Azza Wa Jaal knows best.

Is my baby considered illegitimate?
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alcurad
04-26-2009, 06:33 AM
illegitimate in what way?

and yes, 'desi' culture might be too hot blooded for such things,,depends though.
it is his child, regardless of him saying he didn't want it, if he didn't want, why didn't he leave you be in the first place, I think he should be held responsible.
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pipay
04-26-2009, 06:59 AM
sorry coz i don't know how to make "qoute" in this forum. the first paragraph was sent by somebody, that's why i asked if my baby is illegitimate. anyway, for clarification, i was asking if my baby was illigitimate because we are not married. but when i made some researches, it said that my baby would still be legitimate and entitled for his rights (with his father) even if we are not married. but what are these rights and legitimacy?
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glo
04-26-2009, 07:43 AM
Pipay's friend, do you want to marry that man who forced you to have sex with him??
Why not find a more caring and trusting man to help you raise your child as his own?
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pipay
04-26-2009, 07:50 AM
Glo, actually I really don't know now if I still want to be with him. But since we are on a crisi right now, I must admit that I need financial support at this moment especially to cover my delivery expenses.
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glo
04-26-2009, 07:53 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Glo, actually I really don't know now if I still want to be with him. But since we are on a crisi right now, I must admit that I need financial support at this moment especially to cover my delivery expenses.
That's tough situation for you!
Is there no other help you can turn to? Charities or such?

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, if that's okay with you. :)

Peace
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pipay
04-26-2009, 08:08 AM
thanks glo, i really appreciate it.

i don't know yet if i can ask somebody to help me with this but since he is the father, he should be held responsible with this, especially financially. but for now, i want to be spiritually and emotionally stable so that i can think positively. i know money is only secondary, although we really need it. i never lose hope that one day, there is a brighter future for me and my baby even without him. i don't know if muslims believe in karma, but i do believe. my parents thought me never to make revenge that's why i'm leaving everything to my God. it's up to him what kind of karma he will give to the father of my baby.

i know i love him. but whatever he is doing right now to me and my baby, well, i hope the love remains even if it means separation. but if the time comes for him to realize the proper things to do, i just wish we are still here and ready to accept him. otherwise, i pity him. i never regret of continuing this pregnancy, although people might find it immoral or sinful. i still believe that our god knows how to forgive and i am willing to do anything just to have it.

giving my baby a chance to live, for me, is already a start of my repentance. and i always believe that my baby will give me a new hope, a new light, a new direction.
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Muslim Woman
04-26-2009, 09:29 AM
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/peace ;

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
..Suddenly he told me that he is already married and his family will not allow him to marry to a foreign country.
he can't avoid his responsibility like this . He did not take their permission when he had an unethical relatioship with you but now he needs their permission ??? U must take a decision about this guy who is not a God fearing person & looks like he is not repented .

As glo suggessted , u may contact some organistations to help u .


Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me?
If there is a condition in his marriage contract that he must not take other wife as long as he is married to his first wife , then he needs permission ( not that his second marriage will be invalid without it but to avoid legal punishmet).

Othewise , he can marry u without divorcing the first wife or taking his written permission.
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Muslim Woman
04-26-2009, 06:19 PM
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace ;


format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
i don't know yet if i can ask somebody to help me with this .
You two are living in which country ? What's the law about this matter ? DNA test will easily prove who is the dad & he must pay all the expenses. Tell / threat him that you will take legal actions if he refuses his duty . Also , u don't need to change your religion to marry him . He must marry you in presence of witnesses but I guess , for the time being he may hide the news from family if he fears that they will stop supporting him financially .

I only hope that we will fear God more & will keep away from committing such mistakes /sins . I am really feeling bad that you are in such a condition and a Muslim is involved in this sin.
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pipay
04-27-2009, 05:19 AM
Originally, he's from pakistan and I'm from philippines. we met here in dubai and we are both working here but living separately. he asked me many times to marry him but i don't know if his intentions are true but suddenly when i said yes, he told me that he is already married and that he cannot marry me. i don't about the laws here regarding this matter.
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noorseeker
04-27-2009, 05:29 AM
Bismillah

he should be a man and take responsibilty
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pipay
04-27-2009, 08:51 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by nightstar
Bismillah

he should be a man and take responsibilty
BUT HOW??

And please explain to me how i can raise my baby to be a muslim if i myself doesn't know how.
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- Qatada -
04-27-2009, 05:39 PM
Hi


Like glo said, it might be useful to get in contact with some charities or women organisations. This might be a useful link;

http://www.timeoutdubai.com/community/features


In regard to your baby, in Islam - its the duty of the husband to provide food, drink, shelter and clothing for his wife and children. Maybe you can go to a nearby mosque and ask the Imam there if you can also get some support from any organisations, or if he knows of any sisters who can help you and support you and your child?

In regard to your question about whether Muslims believe in Karma, we believe that God/Allah is One, and that He is Just. He is also merciful to those who turn to Him, and He responds to those who turn to Him.

When My servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every supplicant when he calles on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. [Qur'an 2:186]
So whatever wrong or oppression someone does to someone else, they will get an equal recompense for that. So it isn't really karma, but Allah/God's justice to His servants.


If you have anymore questions, please continue to ask.


Remember that your not the only woman to have a child, Mary the mother of Jesus (peace be upon them) also had a child, without any father there to support her. Here's a good article and example from the Islamic perspective on how Mary handled her experience when people looked down upon her;

Mary, the mother of Jesus;
http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/1398/

You might benefit from it, and learn some wisdoms for when you give birth. For example, we learn from the Qur'an that when a woman gives birth, one of the best foods God/Allah inspired Mary to do was to eat dates since they're nutritious.



I hope things turn out well for you, and if you have anymore questions - then please do ask. :)
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Muslim Woman
04-28-2009, 12:53 AM
In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace


format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
... i don't about the laws here regarding this matter.
U must know about the law of the local country . In Islam , adultery is a major sin & punishment is 100 lashes. Not sure if this is applicable to non-Muslims or
not .

Did u talk to your family about your problem ?
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Muslim Woman
04-28-2009, 01:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by - Qatada -

..Remember that your not the only woman to have a child, Mary the mother of Jesus (peace be upon them) also had a child, without any father :)
No offence to anybody but birth of Jesus (pbuh) was a miracle and must not be compared with sins of human being.
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pipay
04-28-2009, 05:38 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by - Qatada -

Maybe you can go to a nearby mosque and ask the Imam there if you can also get some support from any organisations, or if he knows of any sisters who can help you and support you and your child?
How can I enter a mosque? I think it's not allowed for a woman to enter. And how can I recognize an Imam? How to approach him?

I already discuss this matter to my family from the very first day I came to know that I'm pregnant. We all have the same thinking and principles: this baby is a blessing.. We all agreed to take care of the baby and he's going to have 3 fathers!! My father (even if he's too old) and my 2 brothers (even if they already have their own families). I know real father is still different but what can I do? I think it would be better so that there is somebody whom he can turn to regarding "boy's talk" instead of nothing.
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- Qatada -
04-28-2009, 06:11 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
No offence to anybody but birth of Jesus (pbuh) was a miracle and must not be compared with sins of human being.

:salamext:


I understand, what i meant is that Mary/Maryam had a child, so she can look at her as a good example.



format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
How can I enter a mosque? I think it's not allowed for a woman to enter. And how can I recognize an Imam? How to approach him?
Are there no mosques in your area where women pray aswell? Or do you know of any muslim women - who live their life on islam - in your area that you can be friends with?


I already discuss this matter to my family from the very first day I came to know that I'm pregnant. We all have the same thinking and principles: this baby is a blessing.. We all agreed to take care of the baby and he's going to have 3 fathers!! My father (even if he's too old) and my 2 brothers (even if they already have their own families). I know real father is still different but what can I do? I think it would be better so that there is somebody whom he can turn to regarding "boy's talk" instead of nothing.
Yeah, that's good. Its good and healthy for children to have both mother and father people to look up to for help.
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glo
04-28-2009, 06:11 AM
It's good to know that you have family, pipay!
Do they live near you, or far away?

Your family sound like they are going to be very supportive. That must be a real blessing! :)

Peace
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pipay
04-28-2009, 07:35 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by - Qatada -
:salamext:
Are there no mosques in your area where women pray aswell? Or do you know of any muslim women - who live their life on islam - in your area that you can be friends with?
there are mosques in my area but i cannot see any ladies going there, only males. usually muslim women are fully covered and most of them are not even looking at us. shall i ask male muslim to introduce me to some female muslim?

my family is in philippines. i will give birth in my country because i don't have anybody here to assist me when i deliver.
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Muslim Woman
04-29-2009, 01:46 AM


In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace


format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
there are mosques in my area .
Can u make a phone call ? Also , before letting them know about your problem , first learn about the local laws regading pregnancy without marriage .
Reply

Muslim Woman
04-29-2009, 01:57 AM


In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace


**

Jumeirah Mosque is the only mosque in Dubai open to non-Muslims, and one of only two open to non-Muslims in the United Arab Emirates. The other is the new Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi.

Non-Muslims can visit Jumeirah Mosque as part of a guided tour commencing at 10 am every Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. The tour costs 10 dirhams (3 USD) and lasts an hour and a quarter.

Bookings are not required but visitors should arrive at least five minutes beforehand. Latecomers are not permitted entry.

http://united-arab-emirates-travel.s...osque_in_dubai
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pipay
04-29-2009, 12:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace




Can u make a phone call ? Also , before letting them know about your problem , first learn about the local laws regading pregnancy without marriage .
phone call to who?
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glo
04-29-2009, 06:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace




Can u make a phone call ? Also , before letting them know about your problem , first learn about the local laws regading pregnancy without marriage .
If this sister contacted a mosque for help, might she have to expect punishment for having had premarital sex?
Are lashes given to pregnant women too?

Peace
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Zahida
04-29-2009, 07:49 PM
:sl: Seek help and guidance little one ................this may come in the form of a human being that Allah will guide you to......... InshaAllah....


Don't be ashamed. We are all full of faults but quicker to judge others............

Whatever yur circumstances it sounds like you are reaching out for help. I wish you all the best. May Allah guide you and make your affairs easy. Ameen.:w::bump1:
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- Qatada -
04-29-2009, 10:43 PM
pipay, it might be a good idea if you can become friends with a muslim woman by talking to some if you see them doing shopping. If you want, tell them you want to know about islam so they will help you.

If you cant, then you could try to ask the imam, or maybe a muslim woman who might be with her husband who can be friends with you?


Remember to always ask God to help you. :)
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pipay
04-30-2009, 05:28 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
If this sister contacted a mosque for help, might she have to expect punishment for having had premarital sex?
Are lashes given to pregnant women too?

Peace
yeah. this is also one thing in my mind. i maybe like a criminal voluntarily coming to a police officer to catch me and give me punishment.
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Ali_008
04-30-2009, 06:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
yeah. this is also one thing in my mind. i maybe like a criminal voluntarily coming to a police officer to catch me and give me punishment.
:sl:

Firstly, even if you are punished it won't happen till you're pregnant. At the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) a pregnant woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and confessed her Zina. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked her to come to him after her delivery. After she delivered the child, she went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and he told her to come to him after the time when the baby will no longer need the mother's milk and she has found someone to take care of the baby. The woman gave the responsibility to her father and came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and then he ordered the woman to be stoned. After her stoning, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) prayed for that woman and one of his companions asked him "O Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) that woman committed Zina and you're praying for her?" To this the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied "The regret which the woman had for her act was as much as causing the salvation of every resident of this city."

Secondly, the mother in this case is a Christian and we the Muslims don't have any rights upon her. She can be excused for having done the deed in ignorance but the father can be punished as he's a Muslim if there are four witnesses.

So don't be scared about the punishment, consult some religious and pious Muslim women who'll get you closer to Islam and sincerely repent.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said : IF a person sins and later sincerely repents then he becomes as if he never committed that sin."

And those who repent with utmost dignity, Allah turns all their bad deeds into good deeds.
MAY ALLAH GUIDE ALL OF US
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- Qatada -
04-30-2009, 07:24 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
yeah. this is also one thing in my mind. i maybe like a criminal voluntarily coming to a police officer to catch me and give me punishment.

Normal people don't tell the police, so if you become friends with a muslim woman and tell her that you didn't know because you're a christian, then i'm sure she won't tell anyone and she will want to help you as a friend.
Reply

pipay
05-04-2009, 05:40 AM
I had a chance to tale to him yesterday regarding this topic. He told me that there are 3 things that does not allow him to take the responsibility: his family, his society, and his religion. I told him not to use his society and religion because I am not that stupid not to know anything. I told him that right now I am consulting muslims from a group (this group) and I know something about Islam because he insisted to me that a muslim cannot marry a non-muslim. Then, I told him that all muslims are saying that a male muslim can marry a female christian and never make it as an excuse to escape for what he did. And for his society, I told him that some muslim people here in this forum are also from pakistan, so there's no way to use his "society" and "religion" as an excuse. And for his family, well, I don't know about them. But as far as I am concern, he should be responsible for all this thing because he lied to me from the very beginning and even forced me to have security for himself.

Now, I want him to be liable for what is happening. I know that he is now planning to go away to escape, and before it happen, I want to get the support my baby needs. Can somebody recommend a lawyer for this case? I want take advise from a lawyer first before going to the police.
Reply

glo
05-04-2009, 08:34 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I had a chance to tale to him yesterday regarding this topic. He told me that there are 3 things that does not allow him to take the responsibility: his family, his society, and his religion. I told him not to use his society and religion because I am not that stupid not to know anything. I told him that right now I am consulting muslims from a group (this group) and I know something about Islam because he insisted to me that a muslim cannot marry a non-muslim. Then, I told him that all muslims are saying that a male muslim can marry a female christian and never make it as an excuse to escape for what he did. And for his society, I told him that some muslim people here in this forum are also from pakistan, so there's no way to use his "society" and "religion" as an excuse. And for his family, well, I don't know about them. But as far as I am concern, he should be responsible for all this thing because he lied to me from the very beginning and even forced me to have security for himself.

Now, I want him to be liable for what is happening. I know that he is now planning to go away to escape, and before it happen, I want to get the support my baby needs. Can somebody recommend a lawyer for this case? I want take advise from a lawyer first before going to the police.
Good for you for having gained information and being able to put it to use!

When the father of your child insists that he cannot marry a Christian woman, do you think he is trying to convert you to Islam or simply trying to get out of taking responsibility for fathering a child?
I am sure Muslims here will join me in telling you that neither of those two things is acceptable.

Remind me, are you in Saudi at the moment?
I don't know what the legal system is like there. Hopefully somebody can help you with your question about a lawyer.

You sound like quite a fighter, pipay! Go get 'em, sister! :statisfie

Peace
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pipay
05-04-2009, 11:15 AM
Thanks glo. I'm in Dubai right now.

Well, neither of the two reasons you've given, it's up to him. I don't want to hear ANY reasons from him because I don't think I can trust his words. I don't even have the assurance that he is saying the truth, so better not to let him speak, anyway, I believe I've given him enough time to speak before, it's just that he wasted it.

A fighter?? Well, yes.. Maybe because of my past experiences (even not related to this situation). I just don't want people to abuse me or anyone in my family because NEVER in my whole life I used or abused anybody. And it's not fair to let them do it to me. Thanks to him anyway for giving me another experience in my life that would make me more stronger and confident. Not like him... LOSER!!!
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glo
05-04-2009, 11:21 AM
You are going to make a wonderful mother, pipay, the way you stand up for yourself and yours! :statisfie

Are you still condering marrying this guy, or are you now just fighting for financial support for yourself and the baby?

I hope all goes well. God bless, and peace. :)
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pipay
05-04-2009, 12:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
You are going to make a wonderful mother, pipay, the way you stand up for yourself and yours! :statisfie

Are you still condering marrying this guy, or are you now just fighting for financial support for yourself and the baby?

I hope all goes well. God bless, and peace. :)
I wish I could be a good mother!

Honestly speaking, the love is still there and it could not be easily erased. I still want to be with him (just seeing each other regularly, not living at the same house) to secure financial support for my baby, but marriage? Not really.. I will not sacrifice my life forever for a cheater like him..
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idk
05-04-2009, 12:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I wish I could be a good mother!

Honestly speaking, the love is still there and it could not be easily erased. I still want to be with him (just seeing each other regularly, not living at the same house) to secure financial support for my baby, but marriage? Not really.. I will not sacrifice my life forever for a cheater like him..
Listen sis,

If youre gonna carry on going out wit him it will make it even more hard for you when the time comes for him to break up with you. If i was you, i would break his heart before he breaks yours, and break his nose too! Imagine you were his wife..and he was cheating with another woman - besides, hes cheated once, whos to say he wont get yet another woman pregnant?
Put him in his tracks and give him a real moral shake up!
Dont let yourself be pushed around by someone like this honey!


Sis, ring up your local mosque, thats a must. You wont get any punishment, instead you will find that they are tres helpful, especially if you explain, ring up the non muslim mosque number given above, and i garauntee they will give you some help. I doubt this man will even bother to help you once the baby is born - he will just run off back to pakistan and u wont hear of him again! They will sympathise with you, but you have to end your rlshp with this man, he is terrible!
Maybe you could ask your family to help you out for a lil while?

Maybe you could research real islam, because it is so far from what that man shows, and find a really nice brother for you to marry in Dubai, who will accept you and your baby.Try asking the mosque to explain your situation to a convert, and they may find you a suitable partner.
Im sure you dont want to be a second wife to this man!

And of course you will make a wonderful mother, you are a very brave, very strong woman, and you are very determined to move and repent to maker a better life for you and your baby, making you very selfless and thoughtful, and isnt that just what a mother should be like?
Inshallah God will make you strong and help you to bring up your baby as a muslim.


P.s - why dont you make your own account sis - then you can post about any other things that bother you?
Were all here for you (=

Good luck sis x
Reply

pipay
05-04-2009, 12:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by idk

If youre gonna carry on going out wit him it will make it even more hard for you when the time comes for him to break up with you. If i was you, i would break his heart before he breaks yours, and break his nose too!
x
Well actually that is one thing playing in my mind.. breaking his heart!!! but I don't know how because I want a really painful one that would give him lesson.. Can u suggest how?

Since my friends is calling me pipay also, the original pipay gave this account to me. So Im officially pipay!

Thanks for supporting me my dear sis!
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idk
05-04-2009, 01:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Well actually that is one thing playing in my mind.. breaking his heart!!! but I don't know how because I want a really painful one that would give him lesson.. Can u suggest how?

Since my friends is calling me pipay also, the original pipay gave this account to me. So Im officially pipay!

Thanks for supporting me my dear sis!

Welcome sis :D

Well, if you want to be really, really cruel you can turn up to his house and break up with him in front of his wife...sis this would definately teach him a lesson - but presuming you still love him you dont want to hurt him too much, right?

I suggest next time he tries to tell you he loves you, push him away, give him a good ol' slap and tell him its all over. Then tell him that you and your baby, not his, will be fine without him, and if he shows up again, you will tell his wife everything. Say he can run off to Pakistan like a coward but where will he run on the day of judgement from God? And how will he be able to rest his conscience knowing he has another child out there who he has left, another family? Add that the world will definately be better off without him, and how can he ever look his wife in the eyes again and however will he hug his children, or tell them not to mess around with boys/girls when they are older without feeling like a hypocrite? And what if his family find out one day?

This should drive him crazy and definately make him think and maybe repent..and sis it is your right to ask him for financial support - biologically, he is the father of your baby, and he has to provide for it ! However, dont ever beg or plead, just square up to him and say:

'And i will be expecting you to provide for my baby, not for me, ( you can pay for yourself out of your work money, im sure ) because it is your duty as a man and i will be expecting (a certain amount) in the bank every month/week/year otherwise I will seek the assistance of a lawyer.'



And add that God is definately not happy with him, and even though your (you, sis pipay) just a human being he can mess around with, he can definately not mess God around!

and thats ok, my pleasure :statisfie
Reply

- Qatada -
05-04-2009, 01:32 PM
:salamext: idk


We know that its the guys fault for doing alot of wrong, but how would it be his families fault? Remember that this is something big, and even though its not fair on pipay - should the whole family be affected because of his sin?

It might be that he goes even worse, and he might not repent. He might cheat more because his family hate him too..


That's why Allah tells us;
Qur'an 17:32. And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fâhishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads to other evils.)
Reply

pipay
05-05-2009, 06:05 AM
I know it's not his family's fault but i received a call from a lady telling me that she is the wife. I told that if she wants anything, just ask her husband. I didn't say a thing to her. Then she keeps on calling but I refused to answer. Why should they bother me too much? I am also a victim! Should I tell her the truth now?
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witness
05-05-2009, 09:29 AM
just an opinion...

i think by letting his family know, even if he does run away his past will haunt him...if his family have a sense of duty/morals i think they will try to guide him to do the right thing or do the right thing themselves.

If not then at the least he will have to face the consequence from his family.

I hope everything works out for you sis.
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pipay
05-05-2009, 12:02 PM
Should I tell them the whole story and pursue filing a case in the court or police?
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idk
05-05-2009, 12:05 PM
I think u should, you are at a point where you are past caring what happens to him, now you must only care what happens to you and your baby, and try to sort it out before your baby is born, because then you can start afresh and forget all that happened.

He has to pay for what he has done and repent, and you have to move on in your life.

You cannot let him get away..try the court, not the police.


I agree with the sis above - tell his family, if they still want to be with him, they can forgive and forget and help him right his wrongs, if they dont well, this should not be taken lightly, and in the end its his own fault! This could be charged as rape, since he forced you into it.

And you could also add that you are being harrassed by him/his family, or maybe you could support his wife if she is willing...if she just wants to tear your guts out, then just ignore her.

If she does need support, however, try to help her and keep her strong, if she wants.
Stay strong sister x
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pipay
05-05-2009, 01:38 PM
Just now I called one nurse from Dubai Hospital and she told me that either I go to police or the court, same thing will happen, both of us will be put in jail for 6 months (even my baby) and after this, deported to our countries. I'm so disappointed!!
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-05-2009, 04:00 PM
Why would you go to jail? It wasnt your fault :/
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pipay
05-06-2009, 05:38 AM
She told me that there police officers who are ready to pick up women who has like this case because it is the punishment for people who had sex without marriage. What should I do now?
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glo
05-06-2009, 06:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Just now I called one nurse from Dubai Hospital and she told me that either I go to police or the court, same thing will happen, both of us will be put in jail for 6 months (even my baby) and after this, deported to our countries. I'm so disappointed!!
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
She told me that there police officers who are ready to pick up women who has like this case because it is the punishment for people who had sex without marriage. What should I do now?
If that is the case, then you are in a really sticky situation.
If you come out and tell the truth, you risk punishment, imprisonment and deportation. (But will you then also have a right to financial support from the father? If that's what you are really fighting for, you have to decide whether imprisonment and deportation is worth that ...)
If you keep quiet, the father is of the hook, nobody ever finds out the truth, and you are left to your own devices ...

Could you go back to your own country and fight your case from there, I wonder?

You are in my thoughts and prayers, pipay's friend.
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pipay
05-06-2009, 08:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
If you come out and tell the truth, you risk punishment, imprisonment and deportation. (But will you then also have a right to financial support from the father? If that's what you are really fighting for, you have to decide whether imprisonment and deportation is worth that ...)
If you keep quiet, the father is of the hook, nobody ever finds out the truth, and you are left to your own devices ...

Could you go back to your own country and fight your case from there, I wonder?
I already thought about it. I can take the risk of imprisonment and deportation but I can't help to see or even think that my baby would also take the same risk. I would rather see my baby grow in an orphanage rather than inside the jail. We cannot get any support from his father either.

If I file a case in my country, he needs to appear in court also. But how would this be possible if he's in other country? Even the court might find it difficult to find him.
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Muslim Woman
05-06-2009, 09:01 AM
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Why should they bother me too much? I am also a victim!

I don't want to be rude but here the victim is man's wife , not you .

You are equally responsible for what happened . She is calling ...I guess ...she heard that her husband has fallen in to the trap of a woman . When we hear any married man is having an affair , we also blame the lady.

Anyway , talk to a lawyer . Ask her if Islamic punishment is applicable to non-Muslims also . If yes , then may be it's better if you go back to your country & as glo suggested , go for legal assistance from there. Lawyers can give u some tips how to do that . U can ask help from your Embassy , too.
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pipay
05-06-2009, 11:07 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

I don't want to be rude but here the victim is man's wife , not you .
He lied to me from the beginning. He told me that he is not married and never had any kids. Do you think I would still pursue with the relationship if he told me from the very beginning that he has wife and kids? Definitely NO!!
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idk
05-06-2009, 04:13 PM
he raped you!
and you should explain all of this !
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glo
05-06-2009, 04:29 PM
Explaining all this is one thing, proving it quite another!
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idk
05-06-2009, 04:33 PM
Very true.

But as he is a muslim, she can make him swear with his hand on the quran and by the name of Allah that this is the truth..its like a christian putting their hand on the bible...you wouldnt wanna lie!

And if he does lie, it makes it an even huuuuuger sin than it already is...
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glo
05-06-2009, 04:35 PM
Much as I'd hope you are right, I fear that might be a little naive.
Some people will lie and even break an oath on their holy book to save their own skin ...
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pipay
05-07-2009, 06:26 AM
Yeah, I think glo is right coz everytime we tried to talk about these things he also put the blame on me. Of course, I admit that in some ways I also have committed a mistake but for me, this things will not happen if he didn't lie to me in the first place. I will never have a relationship with a committed man! Many times we made promises and even make swears from our religion. And I can say that even if you let him put his hand on the Quran or even his whole body, well, it's nothing. He will tell lies to escape from this situation.
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glo
05-07-2009, 06:28 AM
So, what is your plan, pipay's friend?
How far into the pregnancy are you?
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pipay
05-07-2009, 07:13 AM
No matter what happen, I will deliver the baby at any risk, even if it means taking my life.

For him, I really don't know.. Maybe, if I will be given the opportunity to talk to his family, then I will tell them the truth what really happened up to last moment I talked with him. Then, it's all up to them whether to hate him, advise him, etc.

Actually, I just want him to acknowledge our baby especially in case something happens to me. Even if he will not take the baby with him, at least, my baby knows who is his father and that he has a father. Financial support is just a second thing.

Hopefully, I can think of better ways. Thanks to everyone who has given their time to give me advises. I really appreciate you guys.
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glo
05-07-2009, 07:16 AM
I hope all goes well for you and you enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood, pipay's friend! :statisfie

((hug to you))
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pipay
05-07-2009, 10:39 AM
thank you so much glo..:statisfie
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Muslim Woman
05-08-2009, 12:24 PM

In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
No matter what happen, I will deliver the baby at any risk, .

It's better if u go back to your country now. Facing tension so much alone in a foreign county is not good for the health of yourself & your baby. U may go for other legal steps later.

What your parents & other family members want you do now ? Go back to them or stay here & may face legal punishment ?
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pipay
05-10-2009, 06:17 AM
They want me to keep my baby.. I will go back to my country for delivery and come back here in Dubai after a few months to support my baby. My mom said that I can leave my baby with her and my father so that I will not be worried and I agreed. My family is very supportive to me.
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Muslim Woman
05-11-2009, 08:29 AM

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
... I will go back to my country for delivery ....
Do your boss & colleagues know about your pregnancy ? I was just wondering if anyone reports Police about it & u may get in to problem ?
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pipay
05-11-2009, 11:00 AM
My boss and my colleagues knows that i am pregnant. Some of them are asking about my husband and I told them that he was here before but decided to go to other foreign country because he has a better offer there.
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Muslim Woman
05-12-2009, 08:31 AM

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
My boss and my colleagues knows that i am pregnant. Some of them are asking about my husband and I told them that he was here before but decided to go to other foreign country because he has a better offer there.
yak , so many tensions ...very sorry that because of a Muslim , you are facing so much troubles . I hope , u won't start hating all Muslims :(
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pipay
05-13-2009, 06:00 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
yak , so many tensions ...very sorry that because of a Muslim , you are facing so much troubles . I hope , u won't start hating all Muslims :(
Well honestly, i did (just an initial reaction from humans) but then as time goes by I came to realize that not all people are the same. I just want to get out of this situation for the meantime and after i give birth, I will face whatever I need to face.

Life is just too ironic. Last sunday I was surprised because he was waiting for me down my office building and he told me that he will drop me home. I don't want to argue wiht him in front of my colleagues because they might come to know that we have had a relationship before (because we agreed to finish up everything and nobody in my office knows about the relationship). Before I got down the car he asked me so many questions about my male colleagues and he told me not to talk like that to them and not to entertain any friendship to any males. I asked him if he is jealous and he told me no and changed the topic. He even told me to keep myself at home and never talk to strangers (well, i have my own mind and thinking, right?). Whenever i asked him if he is jealous, he's changing the topic.

I've got a small accident this week and had a bandage at my left arm. He sent me a message late night asking what happened at my arm. I didn't answer. The next day he asked again. I said "why? u told me that u don't care about me". He said yes, but he just want to know what happened. Is he crazy? :rolleyes: Why is he acting this way?
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Zahida
05-13-2009, 07:44 AM
:sl:I wish you the best of luck with your situation. Allah does not burden us with more than we can cope. InshAllah all will be ok for you, at leastyou have the love and support of your family. Ameen....................

In answer to your question 'why does he behave this way' .................. All men do.........they just cannot show their feelings and express themselves a easily as women..................:w:
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pipay
05-13-2009, 09:58 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Zahida
In answer to your question 'why does he behave this way' .................. All men do.........they just cannot show their feelings and express themselves a easily as women..................:w:
but what does it mean? if he cares about me then why should he tell me again and again that he doesn't instead of just shutting up and hurting my feelings? and one time when i tries to take off some dirt from his shirt, he removed my hand and told me not to show any love to him, i didn't say a word. Why? Men doesn't know when they hurt???????:mad:
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-13-2009, 04:39 PM
Sigh...this dude is just driving you nuts, do u want that?? His wife didnt know about u so im guessing he doesnt care about her, so how does he care about you? I'm not trying to like make u feel bad or anything, it's just something that came to mind. I mean if he cared, would he have done ANY of this...I believe not...

I really, truly hope ALL the very best to you sister. We will be here for u whenever u need us. tc :wub: :)

May your baby be the coolness of ur eyesss InshaAllah :D
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glo
05-13-2009, 08:31 PM
I have to agree with Light of Heaven, pipay's friend.
Much as you may be infatuated with this guy, he sounds like trouble!
My advice would be to let him go!
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pipay
05-14-2009, 05:44 AM
i already agreed for us to separate. but why do he need to bother me from time to time? why can't he just shut himself up and run away from me as far as he could? sometimes i really want to call his wife, maybe in that way he will stop bothering me. can i?
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glo
05-14-2009, 06:47 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
i already agreed for us to separate. but why do he need to bother me from time to time? why can't he just shut himself up and run away from me as far as he could? sometimes i really want to call his wife, maybe in that way he will stop bothering me. can i?
Just be firm with him, pipay's friend. Tell him you want no more contact (if that is what you have decided). Don't answer his calls, don't speak to him. You can always threaten to tell his wife - perhaps that will deter him.

The problem is, when I hear you talk about this guy, I detect that you may still have feelings for him ...
That's something you will have to deal with, and be quite clear in your mind what it actually is that you want.

Take care. :)
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pipay
05-14-2009, 07:02 AM
yes glo, i admit that i still have feelings with him. but i cannot take this feeling out of my heart in just one day. that's why i really don't want to see him again and never to bother me.
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Muslim Woman
05-16-2009, 12:39 PM

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

He agreed to give you the expanses for the baby Or u have to bear all the costs ?
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pipay
05-17-2009, 05:32 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
He agreed to give you the expanses for the baby Or u have to bear all the costs ?
well i guess unfortunately, i have to bear it all!!!!!!
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Muslim Woman
05-17-2009, 11:08 AM

In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
well i guess unfortunately, i have to bear it all!!!!!!
next time if he comes in front of u , on behalf of me , give him this gift



Seriously ....he should bear all the expenses , what's his excuse for not giving u the cost ??
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pipay
05-17-2009, 12:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

next time if he comes in front of u , on behalf of me , give him this gift



Seriously ....he should bear all the expenses , what's his excuse for not giving u the cost ??
hehehe. from where you got that icon? don't worry, as soon as my injured arm got well, i'll give him as much as i can..

before he asked me if it's ok that he will give financial support but through another person. he will not show his face to me or even call me. maybe only once in six months. i said that is very well fine to me. but he didn't finished tha talk, he changed the topic and when i tried to put that topic again, he's not answering anymore.. i don't know why....
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-17-2009, 02:41 PM
oye ve, I'm not u nor there and I feel I'm losing my mind. I wonder if he's mentally ok?? Sounds mad confused...
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Muslim Woman
05-17-2009, 05:32 PM
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/ Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
hehehe. from where you got that icon?
hahaha , one more for him from The Islam Path



....
he's not answering anymore.. i don't know why....
In that case , after going back to your country , take legal help.
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pipay
05-18-2009, 07:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Light of Heaven
I wonder if he's mentally ok?? Sounds mad confused...
Yeah. But he keeps on insisting that I'm the one who has mental illness especially whenever I try to explain the situation and start discussing the "baby" matter.

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
after going back to your country , take legal help.
I think it's better coz I'm also worried on what will happen if I insist to "fight" right now as the baby inside me might also be affected. After I give birth, then I can take all actions without any restrictions.
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HopeFul
05-18-2009, 09:12 AM
Hmm pipay, I ahve lived in Abu Dhabi for some time so i have a very clear idea of your situation, so may Pakistani and Indian men come there and because of he high cost of schooling leave their families behind and live in a bachelor style..

Here lots of them indulge themselves in " away" from home women comfort, to try and make up for sexual and emotional rift, most of them dont visit their families once a year, in that acse they get involved here " no strings attached".. But to take maximum out of the relationship, they base it on lies and false promises so that the other gives in and provides as wifey relationshp as possible..

you have been a victim of this...

but I must say that you should ahve realised that not many pakistanis marry philipinos even if theya re muslims, it is not in the culture, he is right though even if he Did get serious with youa fter all this, the culture wont accept you back there.. though there ARE people who ahve made it just fine, theya re exceptions though with broad minded families..

the fact here is , he has and still been using you, as his wife is not there with him. He will never accept you and you should not let him play with you..

he acts in a nice way so he can still use you further, as much as he can, he pertends he loves you but he doesnt and when you try and get into a much deeper conversation than a passing remark he avoids the subject because that was what it was all along, just a passing remark and not a deep expression of a real emotion.

Don't be fooled by him, if he loves you he will ask you to marry you even if it were in secret only limited for this specific country and ont taking you back home and would at elast ahve suported the baby costs..

To tell you the truth he probaly has to suppor another family in already constraint situation and the family will know if he gave the money to you because it would eb taken out of THEIR allowance..

he knows that too...

My advice for you would be to try and get away from him and show him some strength, he will never pay for your baby otehrwise he would have so far..

moreover think about becoming a muslim, I know yor family is more important to you right now as they will take care of the baby, but there's a whole lot of people who will support you if you reverted.. and if your eally love the baby then teaching him about Allah will eb the ultimate present you would be giving him, the security of paradise and salvation from hell fire through His obediance..

May Allah have mercy on you andguide you to His right path and solve your problems, ameen
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pipay
05-18-2009, 11:00 AM
thank you so much HopeFul. Don't worry I'll try all your advices at least one at a time. It really helped me so much..
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Muslim Woman
05-18-2009, 02:37 PM
In the name of Allah , the Most Gracious , Ever Merciful

Salaam/Peace


format_quote Originally Posted by HopeFul
....there's a whole lot of people who will support you if you reverted..

Just to get financial support , no one should accept Islam .

Sis , if u don't beleive that God is one & Muhammed (pbuh) is His messenger , then don't pretend to be a Muslim.
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HopeFul
05-19-2009, 07:04 AM
I meant emotional support sister, a lot of people will support her in her time of need..
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Zahida
05-19-2009, 07:51 AM
:sl: Thi guy sounds very similar to my husband and likes to be a control freak, behaving like a stubborn child when things don't go his way.............If i were you sister i would leave him..........prove to him that you can and are living a very comfortable and happy life without him and from what i can understand he will not be able to tolerate this and leave everything in the hands of Allah. If it is meant to be then he will come back to you............. When people behave like that the best thing to do is to leave them and get on by yourself.... People like him cannot be changed but will change due to circumstances and from recieving what they have dealt out in the first place Ameen. Just be strong and inadvertently teach him a lesson.:):w:
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pipay
05-19-2009, 08:35 AM
I'm trying to go away from him but the thing is whenever I feel so far from him, he's always showing up. Sometimes I'm thinking, is it me or him who cannot let go? Just like now, he sent me messages and I didn't reply, he sent me credit and then called to check whether I received the credit or not. I asked him why he sent me. He paused for a while then suddenly answered that he feel pity for me because I don't have credit on my mobile. Is this his way of hiding his feelings? Why do he need to act like this? He told me it's over.. And now what is he trying to do? I'm starting to hate him!!! He's crazy!!!
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Donia
05-19-2009, 03:01 PM
I know it's hard but if you can, try not to "figure him out". Only Allah knows why people act the way they do. It could be that he secretly cares and wants to help or it could be that he doesn't care at all. Allahu alam. Just focus on your baby and you right now. The baby is going to be depending on you so try to get yourself on the right track and don't worry about him so much.
I do think you should try to get some financial support from him if possible but then just leave it at that.
Be STRONG. :)
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ragdollcat1982
05-19-2009, 03:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I'm trying to go away from him but the thing is whenever I feel so far from him, he's always showing up. Sometimes I'm thinking, is it me or him who cannot let go? Just like now, he sent me messages and I didn't reply, he sent me credit and then called to check whether I received the credit or not. I asked him why he sent me. He paused for a while then suddenly answered that he feel pity for me because I don't have credit on my mobile. Is this his way of hiding his feelings? Why do he need to act like this? He told me it's over.. And now what is he trying to do? I'm starting to hate him!!! He's crazy!!!



I take it you are a Catholic since you are from the Phillipians? I would urge to get away from this man and think about your baby. You have an obligation to your unborn child and its welfare. Take him to court for child support if you must, but this guy sounds dangerous and you need to get as far away from him as you can. I have been in an abusive sitatiion it does not get better. If he really loved you he would not have lied to you about being married, he would not have raped you and then try to force you to abort the baby. I know that Islam permits polygamy, but Christianity does not and as a Christian you could not by following your faith enter into such a union. This is another womans husband and she is a victim as well just like your unborn child. If you ever do decide to convert to Islam there are plenty of good brothers out there that would be a good husband and provider to you and treat you with respect due to a woman.
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Zahida
05-19-2009, 05:49 PM
:sl: Sis i agree with Donia very strongly just concentrate on you and the Blessing you have in the form of a child and let him go.......... don't respond to him when he is showing you this irresponsible and childish behaviour........ you are better than that and you know that......... let him go i know it is hard because i have been there myself. Console yourself by knowing that none of this is your fault.

Take care...hugsxx:w::)
format_quote Originally Posted by Donia
I know it's hard but if you can, try not to "figure him out". Only Allah knows why people act the way they do. It could be that he secretly cares and wants to help or it could be that he doesn't care at all. Allahu alam. Just focus on your baby and you right now. The baby is going to be depending on you so try to get yourself on the right track and don't worry about him so much.
I do think you should try to get some financial support from him if possible but then just leave it at that.
Be STRONG. :)
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pipay
05-20-2009, 06:54 AM
Thanks my dear sisters. I wish this could be easy for me and I wish not to see him anymore....
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Muslim Woman
05-21-2009, 12:12 PM
Salaam/Peace


format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Thanks my dear sisters. I wish this could be easy for me and I wish not to see him anymore....

He managed to calmed down his wife ? She is not calling you or him anymore ?
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pipay
05-21-2009, 02:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

He managed to calmed down his wife ? She is not calling you or him anymore ?
He told me that they (his family) are still asking him if it is true that he has a girlfriend here whom he got pregnant because somebody is giving all the news to his family (thanks to him - at least somebody is there to tell the truth). And of course, he's denying it/me.
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glo
05-21-2009, 02:11 PM
Do you know who it is who knows about you and has told his family?
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pipay
05-23-2009, 06:06 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Do you know who it is who knows about you and has told his family?
I'm not really sure about who he is coz he's not saying any names to me or maybe he himself is not sure who's telling his family. But he suspects one of his colleagues because according to him, he's just living about 30 km away from his home in pakistan and most of the time, their families are visiting each others home. But for me, I think there are other people who's responsible for that.
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جوري
05-23-2009, 06:49 AM
in the beginning reading your thread I was feeling very angry.. I just thought you should find whatever means to ruin this guy's life as he ruined yours.. but then I thought.. a baby is a wonderful thing.. and what a blessing, I know so many couples having such a difficult time conceiving, spending their entire life savings on failed treatments..

this baby is a gift (though you and he might not quite see it that way)-- I don't know what this guy will do if threatened, he already seems like a grade A liar and a coward, I rather feel sorry for his wife, and think you should get out while you can.. (also I read a few pages back) about some nurse telling you of imprisonment.. I really wouldn't believe everything others tell you, given how many Hollywood hookers and gay clubs they have in UAE I doubt very much their consciousness will be awakened only to implement on a non-Muslim woman, they have no jurisprudence over you...

now to get back to my original point, if this guy feels threatened and he has already proven cowardly asking you for murder itself, I wouldn't really be very cavalier especially if you are carrying a child confronting him or asking him for anything.. I think you should cut your losses and move on, except you've actually gained something wonderful.. I don't know what sort of support system you have, but I believe just like you found a support system on this forum, that you'll have one in real life.. I think you should anonymously call a mosque and see what advise they have for you.. I also don't know how old you are or what you do for a living, but perhaps you can enroll in some night classes, get a degree and think about supporting yourself and your child with the help of your family?

in closure pls forgive me if someone gave you similar or different advise that you see as better suited for your situation as I only briefly skimmed through the pages..

I'll be thinking of you..

all the best
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pipay
05-23-2009, 09:56 AM
I'm now 28 years old and currently working as an environmental consultant and my work is really affected.

Last week he told me to make way to remove the baby otherwise, he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him. Is it true that he can take the baby with him according to islam? why? he's refusing to have the baby then he will take it?
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Muslim Woman
05-23-2009, 04:53 PM
Salaam/peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
...he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him.

He is now giving u threats ? It's better if u go away from him as soon as possible. He may try to harm you or baby.

A man is responsible for all kinds of financial supports for wife & kids . As he is not the legal husband and he is denying the baby , possibly he can't ask the custody of the baby. Also , Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) once asked a kid if s/he wants to stay with mom or dad. After hearing baby's opinion , Prophet gave mom the custody.

So , a man can't take a 2 year old baby forcefully from mom and there is no such verse in Quran ; but as a dad , he must provide all the costs .

And God Knows Best.
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Zahida
05-23-2009, 05:15 PM
:sl: Oh my dear sis, the more you remain in contact with this idiot(forgive me) the more he will torture you and make your life miserable..........you are only twenty eight and very well educated with a good job. Sis concentrate on your child and your future don't get too involved with this guy.

If you leave him alone or do not respond to him..........he will back off and maybe this will change his attitude InshaAllah. You have to be strong and show him you are strong by ignoring him this will soon change him.:):w:
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-23-2009, 05:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Yeah. But he keeps on insisting that I'm the one who has mental illness especially whenever I try to explain the situation and start discussing the "baby" matter.
Obviously he's in denial!! :enough!::skeleton:
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جوري
05-23-2009, 08:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I'm now 28 years old and currently working as an environmental consultant and my work is really affected.

Last week he told me to make way to remove the baby otherwise, he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him. Is it true that he can take the baby with him according to islam? why? he's refusing to have the baby then he will take it?

Greetings,

I found this on our hadith thread active on this forum:


*The Prophet (SAWS) said: 'If anyone separates a mother from her child, Allah will separate him from those he loves on the Day of Resurrection'. (Tirmidhi, Darimi)

So, he shouldn't Islamically speaking take your child from you.. but can he?
this guy sounds like a dunce, I don't know his side of things, but already he has committed cardinal sins and is asking you to commit even bigger cardinal sins by aborting a precious life ( he is not the creator of life to demand it be taken away for no just cause). He seems like a juvenile retard who is threatened that his life is heading for disarray so he is trying to guilt and/or instill fear in you in the process.... You don't need this kind of stress when pregnant in fact I'd just advise you to migrate to a different city and just get out get out get out.. I don't know how to scream that at you enough, this is a very bad situation you are in.. You should start acting like a mother (please) think of your child and how you'll support and give him/her a decent life... This isn't the sort of man you want for a father for your child.. honestly it will just be a vicious cycle.. you break the cycle right now by deciding for better..

be a good mother
give your child a good education a good upbringing
if you want to study Islam you must do it by proper schooling not by the words of an idiot who thinks murder or prying children from their mothers or cheating on his wife or committing adultery is Islamic!

and Allah swt knows best!

peace
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Zahida
05-23-2009, 10:37 PM
:sl: Thankyou Glo................:)

This guy sounds like a complete freak what kind of man tries to tell you that you are mental when you are carrying his child??????

To be honest sis Pipay you are better off without him, and the sooner yu make that decision the better it is for you and your unborn child. You do not need this tension and stress whilst you are pregnant or infact afterwards....................

Also think about the effects of all of this after your baby is born. You just need to take time out and STOP being a target of his negative attitude by removing yourself from the situation. Give it a try sis, and see the outcome. Things could only get better.

If they don't then at least you will have peace of mind. I hope you understand what i mean but in this situation i wold advise time out, a short break from him and then see how things go................. All the best sis.We all have you best interests at heart but the ball is in your court.:):w:
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pipay
05-24-2009, 07:29 AM
thanks to all your advices. right now i'm looking for another place, might be around the same area i'm staying right no or a little bit far because i cannot travel and carry things that much as i am still at the process of recovery coz last week i had a premature contraction, so the doctor adviced me to take a complete bed rest. i'm planning not to tell him about this and i will try to go home (to my country) next month without his knowledge. i think it would be better if i stay with my family even though it's still early coz i'm really scared with my premature contraction. hopefully this will work.
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Muslim Woman
05-24-2009, 12:33 PM
Salaam/peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
... i will try to go home (to my country) next month

yes , that's a good decision ; but talk to your doctor before the flight if it's safe to make the journey .
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glo
05-24-2009, 12:53 PM
I agree, pipay's friend.
Go home - where there are people to love you and support you, and where you can relax and concentrate on yourself and your baby!

Everything else can be dealt with in good time ...

(((hugs to you and baby)))

Peace
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جوري
05-24-2009, 04:48 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
thanks to all your advices. right now i'm looking for another place, might be around the same area i'm staying right no or a little bit far because i cannot travel and carry things that much as i am still at the process of recovery coz last week i had a premature contraction, so the doctor adviced me to take a complete bed rest. i'm planning not to tell him about this and i will try to go home (to my country) next month without his knowledge. i think it would be better if i stay with my family even though it's still early coz i'm really scared with my premature contraction. hopefully this will work.
that a girl.. now you are thinking like a mother.. not having this guy in your life isn't something awful.. think about it as a true blessing.. the only person we collectively feel sorry for here is his wife, as she obviously didn't get a choice and certainly doesn't know the kind of man he is-- you do and you have a choice..

I hope things work out for you (we'll be thinking of you) and I hope this deal hasn't soured you on Islam and Muslims, he isn't a representative of Islam!

peace and all the best
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ragdollcat1982
05-24-2009, 05:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I'm now 28 years old and currently working as an environmental consultant and my work is really affected.

Last week he told me to make way to remove the baby otherwise, he will wait till my baby reaches 2 years old and he will take my baby with him. Is it true that he can take the baby with him according to islam? why? he's refusing to have the baby then he will take it?

Personally I think you should surrender the child for adoption. When I was 17 I got involved in a relationship with an abusive man who because I would not have an abortion punched me in the stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. I was 5 months along and delievered a stillborn girl. Your obligation is to your child and then yourself. Giving what I have been thorough I would tell him the child died (God forgive me) so that my child would be protected.
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جوري
05-24-2009, 05:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
Personally I think you should surrender the child for adoption. When I was 17 I got involved in a relationship with an abusive man who because I would not have an abortion punched me in the stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. I was 5 months along and delievered a stillborn girl. Your obligation is to your child and then yourself. Giving what I have been thorough I would tell him the child died (God forgive me) so that my child would be protected.

In islam there is a hadith that states '' la tamarado fa tamrado fa tamoto'

lying about an infliction that God didn't obtrude upon you is truly a sin. It isn't good to right a wrong by way of another wrong, and also she is 28 not 17, how could you even suggest she give her child up for adoption?

I don't even know how a 17 year old could give her child up let alone a 28 year old.. what is more important, pursuing an education, making money or taking care of a human life that God entrusted in your care? Every child that is born is meant to be.. They are not some commodity to be exchanged, aborted or spoken of as if they don't exist...

This whole thread is seriously starting to upset me!
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ragdollcat1982
05-24-2009, 06:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
In islam there is a hadith that states '' la tamarado fa tamrado fa tamoto'

lying about an infliction that God didn't obtrude upon you is truly a sin. It isn't good to right a wrong by way of another wrong, and also she is 28 not 17, how could you even suggest she give her child up for adoption?

I don't even know how a 17 year old could give her child up let alone a 28 year old.. what is more important, pursuing an education, making money or taking care of a human life that God entrusted in your care? Every child that is born is meant to be.. They are not some commodity to be exchanged, aborted or spoken of as if they don't exist...

This whole thread is seriously starting to upset me!




From a non Muslim prespective adoption is a viable alternative to abortion or for a woman who cannot care for her child for whatever reason. I was raised by my aunt and uncle from birth until 14 because my mom was a drug addict and my father a drunk. Both were teenagers who could not care for themselves much less me. Children are not commodities and I have never beleived that. Ideally I think that the child should stay with natural parents or placed like I was with my maternal aunt and her husband with blood relatives. It sounds to me that she is afraid for her childs safety/life and adoption would be viable to protect that childs life if she is that afraid. Her obligation is to her child and its welfare, sometimes we have to do things and make sacrifices for our children. Had I been raised by my birth parents I would not have had a chance in life, I would have most likely been severly abused or dead by now. When I was 14 my aunt passed away and I was given back to my mom and she was still into drugs. It was at 17 that I met a man and became pregnant. I had every intention of raising my child myself,but my ex did not want to pay child support ordered me to get an abortion and I refused, so he punched me in the belly and caused me to go into preterm labor. Loosing my daughter has had a profound effect on me and now that I have a son I would do anything to protect them including giving them to people who would care for them so they would not be harmed. Moses (PBUH) mother did just that thing when she put him in a basket in the river to keep him from being slaughtered like the other Hebrew males by the Eygyptians. I can imagine how difficult that must have been for her.
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glo
05-24-2009, 06:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
Personally I think you should surrender the child for adoption. When I was 17 I got involved in a relationship with an abusive man who because I would not have an abortion punched me in the stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. I was 5 months along and delievered a stillborn girl. Your obligation is to your child and then yourself. Giving what I have been thorough I would tell him the child died (God forgive me) so that my child would be protected.
That's such a sad story! :cry:

I have a friend who is now in her early 40's.
When she was about 16 she became pregnant.
Her parents took her to the doctors and between them they put pressure on her to have the child aborted (which in the end she did).
She says that nobody, but nobody gave her the option to bear the baby and either keep it or put it up for adoption ... imsad The only option presented to her by parents and health professionals was to get rid of it!
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ragdollcat1982
05-24-2009, 06:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
That's such a sad story! :cry:

I have a friend who is now in her early 40's.
When she was about 16 she became pregnant.
Her parents took her to the doctors and between them they put pressure on her to have the child aborted (which in the end she did).
She says that nobody, but nobody gave her the option to bear the baby and either keep it or put it up for adoption ... imsad The only option presented to her by parents and health professionals was to get rid of it!

So sad that in America especially that children are viewed as property not blessings.
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جوري
05-24-2009, 07:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
From a non Muslim prespective adoption is a viable alternative to abortion or for a woman who cannot care for her child for whatever reason. I was raised by my aunt and uncle from birth until 14 because my mom was a drug addict and my father a drunk. Both were teenagers who could not care for themselves much less me. Children are not commodities and I have never beleived that. Ideally I think that the child should stay with natural parents or placed like I was with my maternal aunt and her husband with blood relatives. It sounds to me that she is afraid for her childs safety/life and adoption would be viable to protect that childs life if she is that afraid. Her obligation is to her child and its welfare, sometimes we have to do things and make sacrifices for our children. Had I been raised by my birth parents I would not have had a chance in life, I would have most likely been severly abused or dead by now. When I was 14 my aunt passed away and I was given back to my mom and she was still into drugs. It was at 17 that I met a man and became pregnant. I had every intention of raising my child myself,but my ex did not want to pay child support ordered me to get an abortion and I refused, so he punched me in the belly and caused me to go into preterm labor. Loosing my daughter has had a profound effect on me and now that I have a son I would do anything to protect them including giving them to people who would care for them so they would not be harmed. Moses (PBUH) mother did just that thing when she put him in a basket in the river to keep him from being slaughtered like the other Hebrew males by the Eygyptians. I can imagine how difficult that must have been for her.

Moses' mother was given divine comfort even though it was difficult, she knew that since Allah swt made a promise he'd fulfill it...

We are not talking about prophets or their mothers here, we are talking about everyday human beings. Who engage in sexual activity and think that there is no responsibility to come with it. Your mother had an obligation toward you, having you should have meant that she'd sober up act like a mother and your father getting a job to support his young family. Them being the way they are isn't an excuse for adoption.. forgive me but they are just bad people.

I believe the lady above loves her child, after all it is a creature that has been growing beneath her heart for nine months, and Allah swt placed it in that safe place to create amongst other things a deep bond between the two, no one has a right to pry them apart no matter what the reasons.

I don't believe in giving a child up for adoption but I do believe in the Islam enforced 'sponsorship' I don't wish to speak of charitable acts but practically everyone I know is sponsoring a child in some poor country even with as little as 70c a day, she could put her story in one of those programs if she really can't afford it, and I know she'd receive aid in no time, but I believe that aside from very basic things all a child needs is love and nurture...

I am sorry about your losses, but I am not sorry about my opposing your point of view, though you are entitled to your opinion.

peace
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ragdollcat1982
05-24-2009, 07:10 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
Moses' mother was given divine comfort even though it was difficult, she knew that since Allah swt made a promise he'd fulfill it...

We are not talking about prophets or their mothers here, we are talking about everyday human beings. Who engage in sexual activity and think that there is no responsibility to come with it. Your mother had an obligation toward you, having you should have meant that she'd sober up act like a mother and your father getting a job to support his young family. Them being the way they are isn't an excuse for adoption.. forgive me but they are just bad people.

I believe the lady above loves her child, after all it is a creature that has been growing beneath her heart for nine months, and Allah swt placed it in that safe place to create amongst other things a deep bond between the two, no one has a right to pry them apart no matter what the reasons.

I don't believe in giving a child up for adoption but I do believe in the Islam enforced 'sponsorship' I don't wish to speak of charitable acts but practically everyone I know is sponsoring a child in some poor country even with as little as 70c a day, she could put her story in one of those programs if she really can't afford it, and I know she'd receive aid in no time, but I believe that aside from very basic things all a child needs is love and nurture...

I am sorry about your losses, but I am not sorry about my opposing your point of view, though you are entitled to your opinion.

peace

I can understand your opposition to adoption. I use the story of Moses to illistrate that sometimes mothers do things to protect their children no matter how hard it was. My mom only cared about herself and was not going to sober up for any one. My aunt God bless her saved me from being made a ward of the state. My mom was high on drugs when she went to the hospital to have me and because of that I was to be made a ward of the state and my aunt flew up and said oh no your not, as she believed family takes care of its own. She believed it was her Christian duty to care for her niece. She was my mom not my birthmother. Mom is still a drug addict and dad is still a drunk. I have nothing to do with them now. Children like you said need love and nuturing and I clearly would not have got that from either of my birthparents. The choice of what to do is up to pipay. I was merely offering a suggestion as since she is a Christian adoption would be acceptable.
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ragdollcat1982
05-24-2009, 07:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
M Your mother had an obligation toward you, having you should have meant that she'd sober up act like a mother and your father getting a job to support his young family. Them being the way they are isn't an excuse for adoption.. forgive me but they are just bad people.




I was never legally adopted. All my aunt and uncle had was guardianship so that they could get me medical care , enroll me in school etc. my parents are not bad people just sick people with addictions. I have forgiven them and leave their fate in the hands of God.
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جوري
05-24-2009, 08:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
I was never legally adopted. All my aunt and uncle had was guardianship so that they could get me medical care , enroll me in school etc. my parents are not bad people just sick people with addictions. I have forgiven them and leave their fate in the hands of God.
then your aunt has sponsored you! -- the term 'sickness' implies that they had no hand in the matter, when they did and still do.

anyhow, let's get back to pipay's friend' ongoing problem.

all the best
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ragdollcat1982
05-25-2009, 02:57 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
then your aunt has sponsored you! -- the term 'sickness' implies that they had no hand in the matter, when they did and still do.

anyhow, let's get back to pipay's friend' ongoing problem.

all the best

I will keep Pipay in my prayers and hope that God will give her the strength to get through this time. I do not hold a grudge against my parents as I believe that drug addiction is a disease. Holding a grudge only eats up a person.
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pipay
05-26-2009, 05:49 AM
sorry to hear your story ragdollcat. I just wish that i could be responsible enough to be a good mother to my baby amidst all the things happening to me.
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wafi
05-26-2009, 06:10 AM
your friend You should make sincere repentance towards Allah, ask His forgiveness as much as possible, and continue doing good deeds and supererogatory acts.

abort the baby in Islam has its own conditions and terms ...but pregnancy from (Zina) is not a valid excuse to abort baby but any co-operation for doing so is not permissible regardless of how serious its results are.

in your friend situation he must take the responsibility ...
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wafi
05-26-2009, 06:14 AM
ooo sorry i just response to first post didn't about all these progress

god bless u and hope u have succeed life :)
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LostMember
05-27-2009, 03:37 AM
Don't abort. This guy is making **** up as he goes along. All these religious reasons he's giving should be negated by the fact that he raped you - obviously he's not very religious and he's using Islam to his advantage. The guy is scum. Any parent that doesn't take responsibility for their creation is.
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User_23338
05-27-2009, 04:25 AM
astukfirallah, why would a christian have a muslim boyfriend?

that is so friggen haraam omg, what the heck is wrong with people nowadays?
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Muslim Woman
05-27-2009, 05:03 AM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by MrKhan89
astukfirallah, why would a christian have a muslim boyfriend?
we may also ask why on earth a Muslim married man had a girlfriend ? He ruined her life .

I guess , when he will return to his wife , he will deny all the charges & will start a normal life again. But for the unwed mom , life won't be same again. In this world ,it's difficult to be a single mom specially when baby's dad is denying to give any financial support.

Let no married men stay away from wife for long when they can't control their desire. May Allah guide us all .
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pipay
05-27-2009, 05:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by MrKhan89
astukfirallah, why would a christian have a muslim boyfriend?

that is so friggen haraam omg, what the heck is wrong with people nowadays?
Christians are allowed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Unlike other cultures or religions, we see this stage to know our partner better and it doesn't mean that you are also into that "sex relation".
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true believer
05-27-2009, 01:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by kwolney01
Abortion is absolutely haram in Islam...I can't believe he would ask her to do that.

Them having a relationship is haram in the first place, he is just trying to take the "easy" way out.

InshAllah the women will not go through with it.
huh? sorri but i've been told and always believed that abortion is allowed in islam, but it can only be done before between 12 weeks or 140 days...basically before the foetus is given a soul. may allah forgive me if im wrong.
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
sorry to hear your story ragdollcat. I just wish that i could be responsible enough to be a good mother to my baby amidst all the things happening to me.



You can be responsibele and be a good mother, but you must choose to do so. If you set your mind to it you can do it.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-27-2009, 04:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by MrKhan89
astukfirallah, why would a christian have a muslim boyfriend?

that is so friggen haraam omg, what the heck is wrong with people nowadays?
The problem is not with her but the Muslim guy. This sister is not Muslim but the guy she dated IS. So why are up at her?
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pipay
05-28-2009, 05:56 AM
Honestly, I didn't know that it's not allowed for muslims to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I only came to know here in this forum.
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HopeFul
05-28-2009, 08:44 AM
How owould you know almost ALl the shieikhs and men away from families in UAE indulge themselves in relationships, most with on muslims, chritians. Thats disgusting, perhaps UAE is worse than many non muslim countries!
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Zahida
05-28-2009, 12:36 PM
:sl: Pipay............. I am proud of you and the fact that you have made a mature decision.

InshaAllah all will be ok just look after yourself and your baby. Ameen.:bump1::w:
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Muslim Woman
05-30-2009, 04:57 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by true believer
.. abortion is allowed in islam, but it can only be done before between 12 weeks or 140 days...
not sure about rape victim but I read that abortion is not allowed unless Doctor says
it's needed on mother's health ground. Yes , I heard that some scholars think it's permissible before ..as u mentioned 140 days but
I found it doubtful . There is no such verse in Quran .Is there any authentic hadith ? Not sure.

Don't want to be off topic. Pipay's friend , let us know when u return to your parents . If possible ,
don't come back in the same place where that man can come to you again.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-30-2009, 06:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Honestly, I didn't know that it's not allowed for muslims to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I only came to know here in this forum.
Thats fine sis, it's not your fault. But you know now, which is good:)
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bob123
05-30-2009, 08:03 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?
surely this is a decision for your friend and not her boyfriend.
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pipay
06-02-2009, 07:45 AM
I will try to transfer as soon as possible but maybe after my delivery because I'm in a very delicate situation right now as I am having a premature contraction up to now. Anyway, he will be transferring also, far from me. So this might be one way not to see each other again.
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Muslim Woman
06-02-2009, 12:29 PM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
..I'm in a very delicate situation right now as I am having a premature contraction up to now.
May God cure you fast , Amen. Any of your family member can come to you now ?


he will be transferring . ..
That's good.
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pipay
06-02-2009, 12:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
Any of your family member can come to you now ?
Unfortunately, no. My cousin is staying with me but it seems like I'm taking care of her, not her taking care of me althoug she's older than me. So I think it would be better to go back to my country earlier than planned.
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Muslim Woman
06-03-2009, 12:40 PM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
.. So I think it would be better to go back to my country earlier than planned.
yes , that's better . U need to stay with your family members now rather than facing all struggles alone.

Wish you a safe journey & may God forgive you . Also bless you & kid.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-03-2009, 06:04 PM
Be safe sis and take of yourself. Ameen to the du'a above :)
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glo
06-03-2009, 07:10 PM
Best wishes for you and your baby from me too.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and join Muslim Woman and Light of Heaven in their du'a. :)
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pipay
06-04-2009, 08:41 AM
Thanks to all of you for all the support and advices you had shared with me. I will try my best to recover from all these things as soon as I can.

God bless us all!!!:sunny:
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Muslim Woman
06-21-2009, 12:33 AM
Salaam/Peace;

hello pipay , went back home ?
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-21-2009, 03:32 AM
:sl:

I hope ur doing well sis InshaAllah. All the best! xx :wub:

Peace.
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pipay
06-21-2009, 06:00 AM
hi everybody. i'm still here in dubai and still arranging my leave. hopefully my flight will be on july 10. keep in touch everybody. thanks for all your support..
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جوري
06-21-2009, 06:18 AM
I hope you have a very safe flight.. did your doctor give you clearance for such a trip?.. I believe I read somewhere that you are seven month or so? try to take it easy pls.. purchase some graduated compression socks

and try to walk often during flight.. I fear for your health cutting it too close.. I feel it might be better for you to wait until the baby is born before you travel.. what do you think?

today I upset my four year old niece and she looked at me with quivering lips before she softly wept (because she has too much pride to weep loudly) and it is just killing me to think about.. but isn't it amazing how their personalities are so developed from such a young age?.. I just know how much you'll fall in love with your baby once you see him/her if not already so..
I wish you luck pipay.. though you might not appreciate it, you are quite a lucky woman.. it is an amazing thing indeed to bring life into the world and know that you are unconditionally loved as you love for no special reason..
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pipay
06-22-2009, 06:20 AM
Thanks gossamer.. my friends were also asking me to deliver here but i feel that, as long as i'm in dubai, stress and worries would be there. especially that his father (my baby's father) is still calling me from time to time. I just want to give ourselves a break. I don't know if you will call me selfish, but for now, I don't want to give him any right with my baby. I'm not yet ready. I didn't even tell him whether I'm carrying a boy or a girl. In some unavoidable circumstances (since our offices are just in the same building), he told me to bring up the baby as a muslim and never harrass or bit him. I told him straight... "How can I make him a muslim if I am a Christian? I don't know Islam deeply. He needs somebody who is a muslim. And from where you got the courage to tell me such things? You yourself is irresponsible. Of course I will not bit my child because I know how to be a parent and I know how to love. Don't you ever tell me what to do with my baby because you are not a reliable person to listen to. JUST SHUT UP!!".
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sister herb
06-22-2009, 06:27 AM
Peace with you;

I have read this discussion many times and wish the best luck to you and your baby.

What I want to say; don´t care about demands of that man; it is Allah who decides if your baby will at some day finds Islam or not. I believe you will be a good and caring mom to him/her. This is the most important.

your sister Harb
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Muslim Woman
06-23-2009, 09:35 AM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
...he told me to bring up the baby as a muslim

I can't beleive it . How dare he is to told u so . Tell him that he will be responsible if you & the baby start hating all Muslims & and he will be responsible on the Day of Judgment because of his shameless sinful act.
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pipay
06-24-2009, 05:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
How dare he is to told u so .
Yes!! How dare him!! And how he can expect me to do so? I am not a muslim and I never practiced being a muslim! And he thinks that I will listen to him? duh!!! :enough!: Then what's next? He wants to see my baby?!!! Ok fine.. go to my country to see my baby.... I will never show him even the pictures and shadow of my baby!!! SO STUPID GUY!!
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Muslim Woman
06-24-2009, 12:49 PM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
...... :enough!: ...SO STUPID GUY!!
yap , he deserve this

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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
06-24-2009, 01:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Thanks gossamer.. my friends were also asking me to deliver here but i feel that, as long as i'm in dubai, stress and worries would be there. especially that his father (my baby's father) is still calling me from time to time. I just want to give ourselves a break. I don't know if you will call me selfish, but for now, I don't want to give him any right with my baby. I'm not yet ready. I didn't even tell him whether I'm carrying a boy or a girl. In some unavoidable circumstances (since our offices are just in the same building), he told me to bring up the baby as a muslim and never harrass or bit him. I told him straight... "How can I make him a muslim if I am a Christian? I don't know Islam deeply. He needs somebody who is a muslim. And from where you got the courage to tell me such things? You yourself is irresponsible. Of course I will not bit my child because I know how to be a parent and I know how to love. Don't you ever tell me what to do with my baby because you are not a reliable person to listen to. JUST SHUT UP!!".
I don't know how your putting up with him. I'd be out of my MIND! LOL! Sheesh! I'm not you nor am I there but I'm getting soo annoyed. Bah :/
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pipay
06-29-2009, 06:52 AM
If you cannot beat your enemy, join them!! hehehe. He's getting crazier all the time. Can u imagine, one time he held me facing to him, asking me if I am proposing a marriage to him. I asked why. He said nothing. Then he repeated after a while, if I am proposing marriage to him and if I want to get married with him even secretly. I asked him what's wrong. He kept quiet. I want to laugh and get angry at the same time. What does he want now? What he's thinking now? Did he realized that I can live without him? That I am not bothered even if he leaves me and my baby? Or shall I say: HAHAHAHA!!! LOSER!!!
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Muslim Woman
06-30-2009, 08:03 AM
Salaam/Peace ;


format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
.... What does he want now? !!!

Don't know but u must not allow him to come to you anymore -- unless u still love & wants to marry him.
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- IqRa -
06-30-2009, 08:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
thanks to everybody who has given their advices, it's really a big help.
yesterday, i met him. he is really not willing to take the responsibility.he told me that he really love me but not to the point of having a baby. but i don't have any plans of aborting the baby. what i need is just a financial support! but how?
he told me that in their culture, once his family came to know about the baby, they will never forgive him. how true is it especially in pakistanis? and why? i believe that your family would still be your family forever and they will not throw you out that easily, instead, they must give you proper advices and support you, right?
and if i'm a christian, how can i raise my baby to be a muslim? i don't know that much about it.
Seriously, move on. If he's Asian, especially Pakistani, thats it. He's playing you.
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ژاله
06-30-2009, 09:10 AM
^thats definite he is playing around,but you cant label all the pakistanis or asians to be like that man,please dont discriminate among nationalities and ethinicities on the basis of indiviuals.people belonging to pakistan or asia here might be be hurt or offended by this,and they will certainly not like that...
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Bub
06-30-2009, 10:14 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
If you cannot beat your enemy, join them!! hehehe. He's getting crazier all the time. Can u imagine, one time he held me facing to him, asking me if I am proposing a marriage to him. I asked why. He said nothing. Then he repeated after a while, if I am proposing marriage to him and if I want to get married with him even secretly. I asked him what's wrong. He kept quiet. I want to laugh and get angry at the same time. What does he want now? What he's thinking now? Did he realized that I can live without him? That I am not bothered even if he leaves me and my baby? Or shall I say: HAHAHAHA!!! LOSER!!!

:enough!: oh lord! oh lord!! he is so annoying!! he is try to playing a game with you, stay away from him.
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pipay
06-30-2009, 01:03 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
Salaam/Peace ;
Don't know but u must not allow him to come to you anymore -- unless u still love & wants to marry him.
i will not lie to you.. i still love him but he's annoying me.. do you think he's still worth to be loved and be married and to be given a second chance after all what happened? i know myself. even though i still love a person but if he's not giving me the proper treatment i deserve, then, definitely i know how to stop even if it hurts me.. but through muslim woman, something came up in my mind.. does he deserve to be given a second chance at least for the sake of our baby? can somebody gaive their opinions regarding this. and how would i know, as i am a christian, whether the marriage he is proposing is real? whether the ceremony is real and valid? i read in some topics in this forum that two person can be married IN A HOUSE with just two witnesses. and about the agreement or marriage contract, who will prepare the document? in case we want to have some other arrangements, who will write in the agreement?
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HopeFul
06-30-2009, 02:47 PM
I cant believe you're thinking baout it :D

I mean, seriosuly, hasn't he hurt you enough ?

I would have shot the guy:p, gone to jail and payed for it with my life, but wouldnt have put up with him!!:P
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pipay
07-01-2009, 07:05 AM
Sorry Hopeful, though it may really sound like that. But I'm just curious now about the islamic marriage, not to him. and even there's one side of me that wants to marry him, still the other side is shouting not to marry him. I know i will not marry him coz i already think of all possibilities that might happen when we live together. it will definitely be miserable and i don't want to tie myself in that kind of situation.
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north_malaysian
07-01-2009, 07:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I have a friend, she's an unwed christian. She got pregnant by a muslim boyfriend. Her boyfriend wants the baby to be aborted, is it haraam? Should the baby be a muslim or a christian? Can somebody give advice to my friend?
Muslim Boy had sex without marriage = Haraam
Muslim Boy asked a person to abort the baby = Double Haraam

In case, if the baby is born, he's illegitimate.. which means the Muslim guy has no legal duty or responsibility to that baby... so... he cant make the baby become Muslim as he has no legal relationship to that baby. Which means, if the baby is a girl... in the future the Muslim guy can marry her too...
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ژاله
07-01-2009, 09:06 AM
^really??are you sure??the father can marry his illegitimate daughter?
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Muslim Woman
07-01-2009, 12:57 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by north_malaysian
, if the baby is a girl... in the future the Muslim guy can marry her too...
No ,no bro , I don't think it's correct . A father can't marry his own daughter , does not matter if she is born out of marriage. Marriage between Father -daugther is totally forbidden.
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Muslim Woman
07-01-2009, 01:01 PM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
I know i will not marry him
If decision is final , then pl. tell him to go back to his wife before he commits more sins like having physical relationship with you or someone else.
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جوري
07-01-2009, 06:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
i will not lie to you.. i still love him but he's annoying me.. do you think he's still worth to be loved and be married and to be given a second chance after all what happened? i know myself. even though i still love a person but if he's not giving me the proper treatment i deserve, then, definitely i know how to stop even if it hurts me.. but through muslim woman, something came up in my mind.. does he deserve to be given a second chance at least for the sake of our baby? can somebody gaive their opinions regarding this. and how would i know, as i am a christian, whether the marriage he is proposing is real? whether the ceremony is real and valid? i read in some topics in this forum that two person can be married IN A HOUSE with just two witnesses. and about the agreement or marriage contract, who will prepare the document? in case we want to have some other arrangements, who will write in the agreement?

Greetings pipay,

I trust you are well.. I strongly believe in second chances yes, but if he is sincere, I am going to be honest, I am not thrilled about an 8 month pregnant woman boarding an airplane and traveling by herself, and I think all children deserve both parents.. I think perhaps you should have a candid talk with him, if he is still a player then move on, if he is serious, then I think you owe it to yourself and to your child to give a second chance..

priorities when you are a mother.. I hope this works out for you.. at least pls reconsider flying, certain altitudes are very dangerous for a pregnant woman, as well immobility on long flights.. pls consider though you might not feel it, that the body of a pregnant woman is completely different from a regular woman..

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends air travel be avoided after 36 weeks [36] . Some airlines require medical certificates for women who are pregnant beyond 36 weeks gestation.

Obstruction of the vena cava from uterine compression and altered clotting factors combined with immobility and dehydration place the pregnant passenger at increased risk for DVT. She should be encouraged to ambulate every hour or two and to follow the recommendations for DVT prevention. (See "Deep vein thrombosis" above and see "Maternal cardiovascular and hemodynamic adaptation to pregnancy").


thus again, I ask you to pls re-consider flying so late in your pregnancy, for your sake and that of your child.. most people feel fine and then they are suddenly dead.. the way you see yourself from the outside might be completely different from how your body is reacting to stressors.

Won't you please wait until after your baby's birth to make any hasty decisions out of anger?


thank you

all the best
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Muslim Woman
07-02-2009, 12:40 AM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
.. I strongly believe in second chances yes, but if he is sincere.. I am not thrilled about an 8 month pregnant woman boarding an airplane
some good advices :)

The more I think about the situation , I feel how important it is to fear & obey God & how we should always ask God to help us avoid Satan's temptation.

People now a days don't want to get married soon but as the world is full of temptation ,it's important that they should get married when they can & live a normal life. Also , stay away from spouses may create many problems. Sadly , people are not conscious about these things :(
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جوري
07-02-2009, 02:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
:sl:



some good advices :)

The more I think about the situation , I feel how important it is to fear & obey God & how we should always ask God to help us avoid Satan's temptation.

People now a days don't want to get married soon but as the world is full of temptation ,it's important that they should get married when they can & live a normal life. Also , stay away from spouses may create many problems. Sadly , people are not conscious about these things :(
life is an instant, I think we take everyday for granted like meh just another miserable day.. we don't recognize the gift of life, and love, food, children, friendships, family, interactions, our impact on the lives of others.. I don't know why it bothers me so much now to think of people's fragilities and have them exploited or abused.. I just saw this video today of this poor woman losing her 2 year old son (he could have been saved)..

http://www.youtube.com/user/waheedm

it filled me with so much sadness.. sob7an Allah..


:w:
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north_malaysian
07-02-2009, 03:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman
:sl:



No ,no bro , I don't think it's correct . A father can't marry his own daughter , does not matter if she is born out of marriage. Marriage between Father -daugther is totally forbidden.
From what I've learnt in Shaffite madhhab .. it's allowed... that's why the people who have the child out of the wedlock are really great sinners...

The guy has no status as a "father" to a child... how can he be called a "father to the child"
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pipay
07-02-2009, 08:59 AM
Thanks gossamer for your advices.. I'm trying to reconsider my flight but sometimes I get more worried that I will stay here and keep on thinking so many things. I can't even forget about my work responsibilities, annoying people, etc. etc., that's why i decided to go back home in my country, at least for a peace of mind. Anyway, i'll try to compose myself and weigh all things again and try reconsidering everything.
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جوري
07-02-2009, 07:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Thanks gossamer for your advices.. I'm trying to reconsider my flight but sometimes I get more worried that I will stay here and keep on thinking so many things. I can't even forget about my work responsibilities, annoying people, etc. etc., that's why i decided to go back home in my country, at least for a peace of mind. Anyway, i'll try to compose myself and weigh all things again and try reconsidering everything.

Greetings pipay,

I am not asking you to give up the idea of going back to your country, just the idea of traveling so late in your pregnancy do read up on the topics I have provided above.. and I am still hoping you can work things out with this guy... but that is just the optimist in me...

everyone has annoying people at work, trust me no work place is utopic I know the mind works it so that it seems better else where when you desire an escape but the nitty gritty of it, is that people tend to not be particularly kind.. there is hatred, and jealousy and competition, resentment and disrespect everywhere you go...

all the best
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glo
07-02-2009, 07:23 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
.. and I am still hoping you can work things out with this guy... but that is just the optimist in me...

all the best
But how, if he is married to another woman and his wife doesn't know about this relationship and the pregnancy?
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جوري
07-02-2009, 09:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
But how, if he is married to another woman and his wife doesn't know about this relationship and the pregnancy?

I don't know dearest of all glos
that is the point of trying to work something out and getting it out in the open with his wife....
surely in the west folks have wives and mistresses and at some point parties find out about each other. I'd like for her son or daughter to have a father as well as a support system, a parent has a financial obligation to the child no matter how it was begotten...

if you aren't part of the solution you are part of the problem!

all the best
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Muslim Woman
07-03-2009, 01:16 AM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by glo
But how, if he is married to another woman and his wife doesn't know about this relationship and the pregnancy?
I think , papay must marry or leave that man . But she is now hanging between these 2 situations . She is still talking to this man & I am afraid , if she allows him to visit her , they may repeat the same mistake they did in the past.

May God forgive & help them to take a decision.

A Muslim man can take second wife without divorcing his first wife. So , papay , pl. tell him firmly not to talk /touch you again unless you two are married. Either he must go back to his wife or tell her that he is taking another wife. Then it will up to his wife to take the decision if she wants to end her married life or not. But pl. don't continue this illegal relationship anymore.

May Allah forgive me if I am giving the wrong advice.
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جوري
07-03-2009, 01:26 AM
^^ that is excellent sincere advise sis, and that is an obligation on Muslims to offer the best advise in accordance with their knowledge --- the situation can't be left in a gray area, a decisive action must be taken especially for the sake of the unborn child.. but right now pipay's friend needs to also focus on delivering this baby safely before a major decision is taken. One can only deal with one stressor at a time.. first have the child safely, 2- inform the father that a child has been brought into the world and what is a mutual responsible decision on both parental units needs to be reached.

:w:
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pipay
07-03-2009, 11:43 AM
that's what i'm thinking.. taking one step at a time. solving one problem after the other otherwise, i might get crazy. don't worry, very seldom we talk and see each other and nothing is happening. i dont him to touch my tummy either.
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glo
07-03-2009, 05:10 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye
I don't know dearest of all glos
The nicest thing I have been called in a while ...! :giggling:

that is the point of trying to work something out and getting it out in the open with his wife....
surely in the west folks have wives and mistresses and at some point parties find out about each other.
No doubt about it!
But I have yet to hear of such a case which was resolved amicably ... usually either the marriage breaks down or the mistress has to go, or both.
I cannot see many wives being happy with the thought of the husband having another relationship (and of course another wife is legally not an option ... so perhaps Islamically this situation could be solved more easily and realistically.)

I'd like for her son or daughter to have a father as well as a support system, a parent has a financial obligation to the child no matter how it was begotten...
I completely agree with that.
But from what pipay's friend has told us I am not sure that this guy has the necessary qualities and maturity ...

all the best
And the same to you.
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جوري
07-03-2009, 05:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
The nicest thing I have been called in a while ...! :giggling:
:hmm:


No doubt about it!
But I have yet to hear of such a case which was resolved amicably ... usually either the marriage breaks down or the mistress has to go, or both.
I cannot see many wives being happy with the thought of the husband having another relationship (and of course another wife is legally not an option ... so perhaps Islamically this situation could be solved more easily and realistically.)
Considering that 50% of men cheat in the west, and one in four marriages ends in divorce, I am sure there is a certain percentage of working it out that we don't know about.. the thing is, it isn't our place to work it out for them, we can only offer the best advise under the circumstance for all parties involved, the most important party of all being the child. children are innocent from the sins of their parents and deserve to have something worked out.


I completely agree with that.
But from what pipay's friend has told us I am not sure that this guy has the necessary qualities and maturity ...
Yeah, life's circumstances can mature you very fast especially when life altering, again, not our place to judge what will happen subsequent to her bringing a human life into the world. and again I state if we aren't a part of the solution, we are a part of the problem.. we are not here to reiterate what someone said, we are here to offer advise!

And the same to you.
Thanks
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pipay
07-09-2009, 12:43 PM
hi brothers and sisters. im home now!! i arrived last night. it feels great to see my country again though the weather is too hot but at least i'm with my family.
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Muslim Woman
07-09-2009, 12:54 PM
Salaam/Peace;

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
hi brothers and sisters. im home now!! i arrived last night. it feels great to see my country again though the weather is too hot but at least i'm with my family.
wow that's great . Hope u had a safe journey . Now take rest :)
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جوري
07-10-2009, 02:04 AM
Oh pipay.. I am so glad you are safe and sound..
best of luck and congratulations in advance on being a mother..

all the best
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glo
07-10-2009, 06:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
hi brothers and sisters. im home now!! i arrived last night. it feels great to see my country again though the weather is too hot but at least i'm with my family.
I am so very, very pleased for you! :statisfie
I hope your family are making you welcome and are looking after you.

I am thinking about you often, and I continue to pray for a good pregnancy and a safe delivery.

God bless you both, pipay's friend. :)
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ژاله
07-10-2009, 06:51 AM
best of luck pipay...:)
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pipay
07-11-2009, 01:40 PM
thanks to all of u. i still have difficulty in sleeping. my body didn't adjust yet in the climate and time (4 hours difference from Dubai). but then i feel really good especially with my nephew. he's talking to my baby (tummy) everyday. he's too excited. i wish him to come out early so that we will have plenty of time together. thanks for you prayers.. :statisfie
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Bub
07-11-2009, 10:57 PM
glad to hear ur home safetly, mashaAllah...take care of urself
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Muslim Woman
07-25-2009, 03:07 AM
Salaam/Peace

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
...i still have difficulty in sleeping.
Enjoying sleeping now or still have difficulties ?

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pipay
08-08-2009, 01:26 PM
[QUOTE=Muslim Woman;1191075]
Enjoying sleeping now or still have difficulties ?QUOTE]

Still can't sleep properly, I don't know why. Maybe because of the weather, ambiance, excitement, pain, nervousness, etc. or all of the above. According to my doctor, I will deliver my baby anytime now. I'M SO EXCITED!!!
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glo
08-08-2009, 04:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Still can't sleep properly, I don't know why. Maybe because of the weather, ambiance, excitement, pain, nervousness, etc. or all of the above. According to my doctor, I will deliver my baby anytime now. I'M SO EXCITED!!!
How exciting! I wish you well for the delivery. Having babies is about the most exciting thing in the whole world!! :statisfie

Try to get as much rest as you can in these last few days. You may have disrupted nights ahead.

All my love to you and baby. :)
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pipay
08-21-2009, 02:02 PM
Hi everyone! I gave birth last week, 2 weeks earlier than my due date. It's a boy! I'm so happy to see him although he gave me too much pain in the labor room :exhausted, the feeling is so different. I feel so blessed (although he looks more like his father :raging:). I can feel the overwhelming love and care inside me. He's so sweet and seems to understand everything I say.
Thanks for all your prayers..:statisfie
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markislam
08-21-2009, 02:28 PM
the punishment for it in most islamic countries is stoning to death, it is haram in the first place.
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cat eyes
08-21-2009, 02:37 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
hi. i'm pipay's friend. she allowed me to use her account so that i can understand everything well (hope it's allowed).

Actually, I went on vacation last december to my country but before that, my boyfriend forced me to have sex with him for his security. He's thinking that I will no longer be back. After my vacation, I came to know that I'm pregnant and he refuse to admit the truth. One night, he ask me to marry him, then I said yes. Suddenly he told me that he is already married and his family will not allow him to marry to a foreign country. I told him to end the relationship but until now, he doesn't want to let me go.

One day, he told me to abort the baby and I said no. I cannot let myself commit another sin and mistake in my life. I cannot correct a mistake with another mistake. This is life, this is human, I cannot kill my own baby. Sometimes, he's telling me that one day he may be lost, gone back to pakistan because of my decision to let the baby live. I'm afraid to lose him because practically I need his support for our baby.

Please advise me. Do he need to ask permission from his wife and family to marry me? What if she didn't agree? Is there any cases of "secret" second marriage? What if the first wife came to know that his husband has a second wife? Would that be void? If marrying is not possible, should my baby be a muslim or a christian?
first of all hes already a married man with a family he commited zina with you. don't bother this man again. you got preganant. it was your own decision at the end of the day to sleep with him.. this is not the question here weather the baby should be muslim or not,leave this with god. no human will know now what will become of this child with a father like that. you were never marrried with him in the first place. if he wants you to do all these selfish things,and still meet up with you and want an affair only i would suggest you leave him and live alone with your baby.

he will get his punishment you don't worry about that..because if he don't show you to islam and marry you.. theres no hope for this child at all, and the future generation, theres little hope. he willl reap what he sows..that will be the result of your foolish decision anyway of sleeping with him. on the other hand if he comes to you and says to you i want to marry you as a second wife well its good however the first wife must know about. if he tell you i want to marry you in secret. this guy is no good or worth it to a life of miseery with.

its not the best advice you are getting from others. you can't just decide to convert now because you got pregnant. it dosen't work like that at all. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN IT!
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جوري
08-21-2009, 03:44 PM
congrats pipay.. here is to wishing you and your baby the best..
I hope there will be great things in your future...
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zakirs
08-21-2009, 07:58 PM
May Allah help u and your child sister.may he show the right path to you and your child :)
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Bub
08-21-2009, 08:03 PM
MashaAllah about your baby, im sure u will be a GREAT mother to your son! All the best
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pipay
08-22-2009, 01:53 PM
thanks to all your support. i will try my best to give all the love and affection and be both a mother and a father to him.

Ramadan Mubarak to all the muslims here!!
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Misz_Muslimah
08-22-2009, 01:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
thanks to all your support. i will try my best to give all the love and affection and be both a mother and a father to him.

Ramadan Mubarak to all the muslims here!!
Ramadhan Mubarak to you too :)
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Muslim Woman
08-23-2009, 03:33 AM
Salaam/ Peace;

format_quote Originally Posted by pipay
Hi everyone! I gave birth last week,

May God forgives you , bless your baby ; Don't repeat the mistake in life InshaAllah.

Wish you all the best :statisfie
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