attraction to wife: Qn for the brothers

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
i can understand why this thread would be deleted or whatever, but i am genuinely interested to know the answer to my question.
ive posted in this section, so that the anonymous option may be used (by the brothers) if need be.

just something from another forum has has my mind ticking away...
it is known that men tend to be more visual/attracted to physical beauty. say a dude is a married to someone he finds his wife attractive (obviously), but one day his gaze accidentally falls on other than his wife and he finds the other girl attractive. now, naturally (if im thinking right) he'll want to see in his wife what he saw in this other girl. you know he wants his wife to look like her, and as a result he really isn't attracted to what his wife originally looks like, even though he found her attractive before.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
That doesn't just happen solely in men. Both genders have several physical features that create attraction, so the question can be applied to both male and female.

But, its not just physical attributes that sustain a relationship; security (i.e. care) is also needed.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

Lol, not quite sure to be honest. Guess it would depend on a lot of things really: just exactly how attractive that other person is; current mood set etc.

[convert]

Frankly, I'm not looking for some knockout dimepiece. I dated before I was muslim and I know the hassle of putting up with high maintenance people.

I just want someone who is "practicing" (whatever that means) and would make a good wife and mother.

Besides, I'm a powerlifter, former football player and wrestler and look like a big, barrel-chested gorilla myself.

[Snowflake]

Of couse men find other women attractive. But that doesn't mean they will find their own wife less attractive after seeing others. A guy would have to be really shallow to do that.

There is a hadith in which the Prophet (saw) said that if a man sees a woman he is attracted to, he should come home to his wife and 'cover her' so to speak. Attraction to other women is usually lust, so once that's been dealt with, he should be ok. I'll try to find the hadith inshaAllah.

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[AbuSalahudeen]

:sl:

I think every man wants to be attracted to his wife, and it probably is a healthy thing in a relationship. But we should marry someone for more than just their looks, you must get along, enjoy each others company, love each others personalities etc etc. But if someone marries a sister for just her looks and she is amazingly beautiful, after a while her looks will be normal for the husband and if she has a bad personality, or their personalities clash then they are in muddy waters.

As men we must be aware of the plot of Shaytaan, and his love to distroy marriages and families.

Marriages are more than just romance, they are about establishing a god fearing family, raising pious children who worship Allah alone, contributing to their communities by forbidding what is wrong and enjoy what is good as a family. I'm not saying love dubby love and romance shouldn't exist, but what I'm saying is marriage should be about the greater love, and that love is the love of Allah and his messenger.

[Yanal]

For me I will always love and find my wife who Allah has found. I don't know about gazing at other women because that is haaram so most likely I will lower my gaze to the ground when some sister is passing me because "Between two people,the third is the Shytaan" and he will definately try to create love between these two individuals and will cause fitnah and many other things. But that is my opinion,if from my answer someone has an opposite he should use the anonymous user.

Btw let's try to stay on topic. Ameen! And may Allah never have stress on us and guide us to the right oath Ameen!

[noorseeker]

Theres going to always be someone better looking than your own wife,
it doesnt mean you will loose attraction.

You should be content with your spouse, and not wish, i wish my wife looked like that.
Its not only about looks, you might see another woman, and wish your wife had their qualities
e.g, i wish my wife would do that for me, cook me my favourite meal all the time, not moan 24/7 e.t.c

We all are going to lose our looks any way,

[nebula]

I think once a person has a wife she should be the most beautiful women to him, because like shes your wife!! you have a relationship that Allah loves with her, shes ur companion ur friend for life!

yeah like the brother said, they'll always be someone better looking maybe? but no1 can take the place of your wife because shes special! chosen 1. I wouldn't feel the need to ever stair at another women besides my wife.

[ahmed_indian]

I think once a person has a wife she should be the most beautiful women to him, because like shes your wife!! you have a relationship that Allah loves with her, shes ur companion ur friend for life!

masha'allah brother....100% right!

looks are not everything. ur wife is ur partner, ur friend, ur heart!

if there is a strong bond of love between the husband's and wife's heart it does not break just by looking at other woman(by mistake).

[Banu_Hashim]

When a brother marries someone (at least it would appear so for me), you're marrying them because you find them attractive as a whole person, which of course includes their looks, and intelligence, deen, their etiquettes etc..

When you actually get married, you've found your spouse who will confide in you their problems etc. and you'll become so close that even if there's a another woman "better" looking; who cares right?

For me the original beauty would always be present and should become even more apparent as the marriage progresses.

:)

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


bro, anything is possible in life. :) if you work on your wife to be attractive the way u want her to be, and keep telling yourself that you're attracted to her.. then your mind will believe it. especially because of the fact that u did like her beauty at one time.

also remember to lower your gaze alot.. otherwise, theres so much evils that come out of it. if u ever do accidentally stare at a girl, then try to remove her from your mind and try to prevent yourself from thinking about her. if you do get emotions though, then try to apply them emotions onto your wife so you love her more than any other girl.

[AbuSalahudeen]

:sl:
i can understand why this thread would be deleted or whatever, but i am genuinely interested to know the answer to my question.
ive posted in this section, so that the anonymous option may be used (by the brothers) if need be.

just something from another forum has has my mind ticking away...
it is known that men tend to be more visual/attracted to physical beauty. say a dude is a married to someone he finds attractive (obviously), but one day his gaze accidentally falls on other than his wife and he finds the other girl attractive. now, naturally (if im thinking right) he'll want to see in his wife what he saw in this other girl. you know he wants his wife to look like her, and as a result he really isn't attracted to what his wife originally looks like, even though he found her attractive before.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

You see sister, we brothers are not as shallow as people think we are. :bump1:

[Hamayun]

If you had a Rose in your hand and you really liked it, then saw a tulip and found that to be very pretty too. It doesn't make the rose any less beautiful.

A man may find himself attracted to another woman but I don't think it changes how he feels about his wife. This is only my opinion of course.

Personally if a person loves someone for physical beauty then that person is really shallow.

[AnonymousPoster]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

To find something more attractive than my wife? Auzubillah!!

"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

[Sûrah Rûm: 21]

To have found "love and mercy" in marriage, why would husband be attracted to someone else?

When theres love, affection, desire for your wife, you will no longer need anyone else. Attraction is just not looks, its the way she does everything. The wife is THE package, the complete package!! Never let anyone get in the way!!!! Alhamdulillah!

Beauty never disappears.

FiAmaaniAllah

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum


my answer is simple..


firstly: the man aint suppose to look for a long time - a glance aint enough to see amazing beauty in another.

secondly: if he does "STARE" at another woman and thus finds her intoxicatingly more beautiful then his own wife, the whole situation comes down to him, will he be sick enough to treat his wife badly? or will he know that girl is nothing compared to the woman his spending his life with.


thirdly: it is impossible to be infatuated with a girl without knowing her... IMPOSSIBLE ! therefore the guy will DEFINITLY forget the girl he found attractive ! unless his stupid enough to meet up with her.




ok maybe my answers not so simple...




Assalamu Alaikum

[convert]

thirdly: it is impossible to be infatuated with a girl without knowing her... IMPOSSIBLE !

I got an engineering degree in college and I disagree with this statement based on the type of men I studied with.

[idk]

Oh dont worry sis, we can always snap them back into action (sharpens knife).

JOKE !

Nah thats just a girl he saw for a fleeting moment.
Guys tend to have the mind of a goldfish lol, so a girl is probably instantly erased.
And this girl doesnt cook your meals, or help you when your sick, or raise your kids.
Plus, even if he is attracted to his girl, he should love his wife, even if her hair looks dangerously flammable from how dry it is, even if she looks like a cheetah shes breaking out in so many zits.
Love is deeper than that, i should hope.

Salam.

[idk]

thirdly: it is impossible to be infatuated with a girl without knowing her... IMPOSSIBLE ! therefore the guy will DEFINITLY forget the girl he found attractive ! unless his stupid enough to meet up with her.

Judging from all the guys in my school who love Beyonce, Rihanna, Shakira and Katy Perry, and all the girls that are in 'love' with Chris Brown, Cristiano Ronaldo, T.I and all the other celebs then it is more than possible, lol.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I got an engineering degree in college and I disagree with this statement based on the type of men I studied with.

i disagree with your disagreement based on every men ive ever known ! including my own personal experience!



HAH !

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Judging from all the guys in my school who love Beyonce, Rihanna, Shakira and Katy Perry, and all the girls that are in 'love' with Chris Brown, Cristiano Ronaldo, T.I and all the other celebs then it is more than possible, lol.

sis your mistaking a "crush" with "infatuation"


infatuation or "love" as mnay people call it, is IMPOSSIBLE without knowing someone properly


crushes can be forgotten... as for infatuations... good luck!

[idk]

sis your mistaking a "crush" with "infatuation"


infatuation or "love" as mnay people call it, is IMPOSSIBLE without knowing someone properly


crushes can be forgotten... as for infatuations... good luck!

Agreed.

To be honest, thats true.
You know, alot of people claim to 'love' someone when its just a crush, which makes love look so skeazy and cheap.
It really annoys me.

Salams.

[GreyKode]

hey convert, assalamu alaikum, this might be out of topic, but may I ask what is your engineering field. :D

[S_87]

heres something that comes to mind:

Jabir heard Allah's Apostle :arabic5: say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels.
Muslim

[convert]

hey convert, assalamu alaikum, this might be out of topic, but may I ask what is your engineering field. :D

wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah

computer science

[GreyKode]

wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah

computer science

:thumbs_up, close enough, I am electrical engineering(Communications).

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

Seriously bros, if you see someone else that you find attractive, get her walis # and make her your second wife, simple as that! :P

Before I get a horde of neg reps for that comment, sisters please realize it was only a joke, I am not that shallow, Alhamdullilah. :scared:

I think someone mentioned the hadeeth above about what one should do if they see someone on the road that catches their attention. After all, it's only lust, and once that's taken care of in the proper manner with one's wife, it goes away. That's the Prophetic solution and therefore, complete Alhamdullilah.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

Of course he will. There are a thousand super-attractive women out there and believe me men tend to forget easily Alhamdullilah. So even if by chance he sees some supermodel on the street, when he's with his wife, the supermodel will be out of his head, because the bond between the husband and wife, if it's been nurtured properly, is very strong and a small slip of the eye isn't strong enough to change that most of the time. I say most of the time because the hearts are in between the Hands of Allaah and if He wishes he can test people, wallahu 'alam.

And regarding lowering the gaze, sometimes the fitnah's so bad, especially in the summer, that even with lowering the gaze it's just really hard to deal with the fitnah, so something the sisters should remember is what her husband goes through on a daily basis. He's going to work and there are women there who're trying to show as much skin as they can, all the while he's doing his best to lower his gaze, then traveling to and from work, more fitnah and throughout all of that he's working really hard to lower his gaze and guard his eyesight. So imagine when he comes home and finds the one woman he's allowed to look at in her pajamas or something, with messed up hair etc, looking completely unattractive - that'll just turn him off and if it's habitual then it's a problem that needs to be addressed. It may sound trivial, but it isn't. Sisters you ought to make sure that you do dress up for your husband, go all out because he is the one person you're allowed to do it for. Don't take that for granted, there are cases of adultery occurring in our communities - and it's because some need on either side is not being met.

And secondly, please remember that lowering the gaze isn't just for the brothers, it's also for the sisters.

Lastly, a lot of comments in this thread are in my view idealistic, in the sense that they're implying that once one gets married, the fitnah disappears because the guy now has a wife at home. If she's beautiful, he should be happy, and if she isn't too attractive, then after all it's only religion that matters. Brother's wake up - you'll still find other women attractive, sure the fitnah may be to a lesser degree, but it'll still be there, it's in our nature to be attracted to women, wife or no wife. So instead of denying this, we ought to realize it and be on guard. We can't get rid of a problem by pretending it's not there, but by realizing how it comes about and how we can avoid it.

Ps- I once came to know that someone in a local masjid had hung up a sign - it said something like: 'Looking for marriage - Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab'. :D

[Yanal]

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

:sl: Most likely sister he will only find a woman attractive in a few areas not the whole body and probably wont see that woman again for him to stay interested and if a women finds that a husband is looking at other women she should be caution but not over caution because the husband might suspect and start doubting her instead. Trust me i know about this,my aunt had the same problem,she suspected my uncle and then my uncle started to counter attacking her and doubting her. May Allah never put us and our marriages at times like these. Ameen.

[mathematician]

Let's make a few things clear shall we? Every man on this earth will feel some "lust" or "sexual attraction" or whatever you want to call it to other women. The test realky comes down to what you do with those feelings. Do you commit zina? The righteous people too go through those feelings but they are less frequent because they are occupied in remembering Allah.

When you think of will a man see original beauty in his wife again, think of food. The first time you ate a really good food. What happens after? Well, some days that same food will taste like the very first day you ate it. At other times it will feel like normal food. Sometimes it will not taste good at all.

[coddles76]

If your not content and happy with your wife the way she is and the way you married her and Vice Versa, YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.
So to me, being content is important. A human being always wants MORE, being content is the key. Don't aim to high and its the content of the character not the material looks of a person that counts.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

Nah thats just a girl he saw for a fleeting moment.
Guys tend to have the mind of a goldfish lol, so a girl is probably instantly erased.
And this girl doesnt cook your meals, or help you when your sick, or raise your kids.
Plus, even if he is attracted to his girl, he should love his wife, even if her hair looks dangerously flammable from how dry it is, even if she looks like a cheetah shes breaking out in so many zits.

So men have a fish memory? Hmm :p

Love is deeper than that, i should hope.

It’s not always about love though, is it? men are naturally attracted to physical beauty. So I mean my qn was more like even if he did find that woman more attractive....wouldn’t his wife be in his eyes not so attractive anymore because he has someone (more attractive) to compare her to...i don’t mean to say that he does this intentionally, but because he’s attracted to physical beauty, wouldn’t he naturally want his wife to look like that.
So im asking, even if he did find that other girl so god-dang attractive, is there anyway by some miracle, that one day he'll turn around and see the beauty that was always there and he was initially attracted to...

Am i just thinking too much or do i have point :?

:sl:
Seriously bros, if you see someone else that you find attractive, get her walis # and make her your second wife, simple as that! :P

Seriously brothers, if you wish to be backhanded by your wives so hard that your eyes balls would fall out and/or you’ll fall over backwards, please go right ahead and take this advice.

Before I get a horde of neg reps for that comment, sisters please realize it was only a joke, I am not that shallow, Alhamdullilah. :scared:

I know, i couldn’t help myself.

Ps- I once came to know that someone in a local masjid had hung up a sign - it said something like: 'Looking for marriage - Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab'. :D

Thats more like what i mean. Because he’s already seen something more attractive, so wouldn’t it stick, right? Even before he’s married, he may have seen other women-maybe he wasn’t really practising for example - so he sort of bases what he wants in his future/wife based on what he’s seen, not intentionally of course....sort of like what i mentioned to the sister above.

[AnonymousPoster]

Human mind/heart never (mostly never in some abnormal cases) does not long for something impossible. if it is at all possible threres a chance it will have the longing.

(If he is true to himself and not a coward) ....then having this other woman is possible...the longing for... depends on how much the person is willing to lose ....family, wife, respect, dignity, honour,life and perhaps even the success of the hereafter.

If he doesn't want to lose the above...he will no doubt see the beauty in his wife again.

If he is not true to himself and is a coward...he will be causing a great deal of anguish and pain within himself...a rather sorry state to be in....
and which may still eventually end up in him losing the above anyway.

In this case he will be gaining alot to make himself see the beauty in his wife again...and this is not impossible.....mind over matter!

[S_87]

:sl:


Thats more like what i mean. Because he’s already seen something more attractive, so wouldn’t it stick, right? Even before he’s married, he may have seen other women-maybe he wasn’t really practising for example - so he sort of bases what he wants in his future/wife based on what he’s seen, not intentionally of course....sort of like what i mentioned to the sister above.

there are male models and actors too so he soooo should look in the mirror before he sets his standards

[Snowflake]

Shaytan may beautify a sinful action between a man and woman
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, 'Men are not tempted by anything more than women.' [Agreed upon] For this reason, women are commanded to cover their bodies and men are commanded to lower their gaze. He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) forbade being alone with a non-mahram woman and said that no man is ever alone with a non-mahram woman but Shaytan is the third one. This is because Shaytan may beautify a sinful action for them and thus, we must try to subdue Shaytan and drive away his deception and act in accordance with the guidelines of Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), who said, 'The woman comes in the form of a Shaytan and goes in the form of the Shaytan. So if one of you sees a woman that pleases him, he should go to his family and that will get rid of what is in him.' [Saheeh Muslim]

Imam Ibnul-Qayyim said in this context, 'One of his (Shaytan) plots is that he always bewitches people's mind until they are deceived. No one is saved from his sorcery except those whom Allah Wills. He makes attractive to the mind that which will harm it, until a person thinks of something as most beneficial, and he (Shaytan) discourages him from that which is the most beneficial, until he thinks that it will harm him. La ilaaha illAllah, how may people have been tempted by this sorcery!' [Quoted from, ‘Aalam al-Jinn was-Shayateen by Umar S. Al-Ashqar]

http://www.qsep.com/modules.php?name...rticle&aid=264

[Cabdullahi]

Im not going to post anonymous

If i saw a better woman walking on the street.....i would ofcourse feel affected but id look at my wife and just smile at her and say to myself.....AHMED YOUR WIFE IS BETTER! SHAYTAN GETAWAY FROM ME....Now!

To the thread starter...sister just relax you will find a husband that will only like your uniqueness and beauty.....i dont want to say this but im getting the vibe that you might be feeling self concious and might have insecurities but who hasnt eh!:D

[noorseeker]

Im not attractive, so im sure my future wife will find other men more attractive than me,
but i never really thought about it before, if i will get jealous of other men.

I cant compete looks wise,so its not in my hands,

[yusuf18]

Im not attractive, so im sure my future wife will find other men more attractive than me,
but i never really thought about it before, if i will get jealous of other men.

I cant compete looks wise,so its not in my hands,

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly i man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam

[anonymous]

Aslmkm,

To the poster above this one...

can a man be satisfied with 4 then?

what if a better looking woman turned up? :D

should a man start firing divorces?

wslm

[yusuf18]

Aslmkm,

To the poster above this one...

can a man be satisfied with 4 then?

what if a better looking woman turned up? :D

should a man start firing divorces?

wslm

ofcourse then its not alowed

[Intisar]

:sl: Comparing women never works, cause you'll always find someone more aesthetically pleasing or appealing and you'll never be satisfied. And looks can be overshadowed by the fact that your spouse makes you a genuinely happy person. If your spouse is highly attractive to you, then maybe you should start reminding yourself of it (''dang, I bagged me a dimepeice''). :D

All jokes aside, the stuff that your spouse does for you that is beneficial to your eeman will eventually overshadow their downfalls and what the other girl was lookin like will be a mere (clouded) memory.

I think you should always do stuff to keep that alive, like things that you know your spouse loves just to increase the love between the two inshaAllaah. So you can kind of slap yourself whenever these types of things come up.

(And if it's THAT BAD, maybe consider taking another wife.) :X

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly A man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam

Yes, Allaah does know best because there are many brothers out there who are more than content with just one, so I don't think you can speak for all men when you say that akhee.

[Ar-RaYYan]

[QUOTE]

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly A man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam[/QUOTE]

Really? what makes you say that since you are not married yourself ? I dont think its fair to generalise something that is entirely your opinion.

[yusuf18]

:sl: Comparing women never works, cause you'll always find someone more aesthetically pleasing or appealing and you'll never be satisfied. And looks can be overshadowed by the fact that your spouse makes you a genuinely happy person. If your spouse is highly attractive to you, then maybe you should start reminding yourself of it (''dang, I bagged me a dimepeice''). :D

All jokes aside, the stuff that your spouse does for you that is beneficial to your eeman will eventually overshadow their downfalls and what the other girl was lookin like will be a mere (clouded) memory.

I think you should always do stuff to keep that alive, like things that you know your spouse loves just to increase the love between the two inshaAllaah. So you can kind of slap yourself whenever these types of things come up.

(And if it's THAT BAD, maybe consider taking another wife.) :X



Yes, Allaah does know best because there are many brothers out there who are more than content with just one, so I don't think you can speak for all men when you say that akhee.

true sister but as a man i know how it feels and allah himself said men were created weak and carnt handel their deisers allah knows all and he knows men and women are diffent in this respect

[yusuf18]

[QUOTE=Ar-RaYYan;1135224]

Really? what makes you say that since you are not married yourself ? I dont think its fair to generalise something that is entirely your opinion.

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

[Intisar]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

She's saying it because Allaah created every man differently, and you're painting all men with the same brush. You're reasoning is ''because you're a man''. That's called a GENERALISATION, so unless you've met every married and they've given you that answer (regardless of whether they have 1-4 wives), then your comment holds no weight.

And you're not even married yourself, to no wife let alone one, so how did you come to such a conclusion? Nevermind, don't answer that, I don't want to derail this thread.

Just some food for thought.

[yusuf18]

She's saying it because Allaah created every man differently, and you're painting all men with the same brush. You're reasoning is ''because you're a man''. That's called a GENERALISATION, so unless you've met every married and they've given you that answer (regardless of whether they have 1-4 wives), then your comment holds no weight.

And you're not even married yourself, to no wife let alone one, so how did you come to such a conclusion? Nevermind, don't answer that, I don't want to derail this thread.

Just some food for thought.

sister im not paint all men with the same brush our lord and his messenger already did that and all of us men know that we carnt control our desiers thats a known fact but may allah forgive us all ameen

[Ar-RaYYan]

[QUOTE=yusuf18;1135230][QUOTE=Ar-RaYYan;1135224]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect

In what respect are you talking about? that husband will be attracted to other women and therefore inclined to marry them or husbands will never be fully satisfied with their first wife?
For either of them i dont agree with you and if you read the other male members posts i believe they disagree with you as well

at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/

true but it isnt always the case. Believe it or not there are some monogamy marriages where the couple stay together for over 60 or 70 years

sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

can you show me where in my post i seemed reluctant by the idea my husband should have more than one wife? i was just point out that not all men would agree with your statement.

[Vito]

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly A man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam

We are not permitted 4 wives so we can have a little bit of each flavor, if you get what I mean. Not sure where you came up with that 'fact' as far as men not never being satisfied with one wife. I'm also not sure it is safe to say all men are the same. I wouldn't say that all men cannot control their desires as well. Up to this point I've been able to keep control of myself and whenever I get married, I can only see it getting easier, not harder. But of course thats just me.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray

In all honesty, I don't. Even though Allaah has allowed us to take more than one wife I honestly don't think I can. It's just not for me, wallahu 'alam. And I definitly would not do it simply to satisfy my desires. Let's not forget that the Messenger (saw) was married to Khadija exclusively for such a long period of time - he didn't marry anyone else with her. So it does differ from man to man - you cannot paint everyone with the same brush.

[noorseeker]

Sisters , i dont think you will ever understand the attraction we have for women, it is so strong .
we can get attracted to a girl from her back, from 200 metres way,

The ratio of good looking men to good looking women is really low

[S_87]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

that is an extremely crazy mentality and an insult to men! yes 4 wives are allowed-totally fine but to say that after the honeymoon period men start to stray?! dont you men have no self control? i know many many men who have not strayed and have been married long enough to have 100s of 'honeymoon' periods. 4 wives are permissible but not an absolute necessity for a man to be happy!!!

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

To the thread starter...sister just relax you will find a husband that will only like your uniqueness and beauty.....i dont want to say this but im getting the vibe that you might be feeling self concious and might have insecurities but who hasnt eh!:D

maybe iam but then again maybe im not as i said, something which was said on another forum just triggered my thoughts to open this thread...

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.

so? that's normal in every marriage. i mean the honeymoon phase being over. it doesn't mean you go out and get married again...that's just called being hasty and immature...and what use is it going to be anyway. its just going to happen again if he did get married.:$ you just need to "restart" or whatever it's called...

[Danah]

sister with all respect you carnt say i dont know it becouse every man feels the same way in this respect and thats why allah looks out for us in this way yes you may be happy with the first wife but after the honey moon period men will start to stray.at the end of the day if some men dont take up more wives they end up cheating ect/sister are you happy with idea of your husband takeing more wives you seem relcutant

OMG!!!!.....that give a VERY dark image about all men in the world which made me feel sick!!+o(

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
^but not applicable to all men :exhausted :D probably not even most...

[yusuf18]

what i mean is evey man has urge for multipal wives thats common sence the only reason is the cost of liveing ect at the time of the profhet polagamny was widely practised and the reason why some men get violent to his wife mite come down to his needs not being met just my opoinon.

[Sahabiyaat]

we can get attracted to a girl from her back, from 200 metres way,

:ermm:

[Raudha]

^In the time of the prophet (SAW), they used to marry the widows in order to protect them and support them financially etc. as well as to take care of their children if they were little. The reason for marrying more than one woman was not always out of personal interest and to feed their desires.

[Sahabiyaat]

^In the time of the prophet (SAW), they used to marry the widows in order to protect them and support them financially etc. as well as to take care of their children if they were little. The reason for marrying more than one woman was not always out of personal interest and to feed their desires.

and now if a man does marry a woman with childern, you hear of cases where he has sexually abused his step daughters.........
Its disgusting.Marriage is simply seen as a way for men to have more sex with different women.
The original objectives seem like an impossible joke now.

[Raudha]

and now if a man does marry a woman with childern, you hear of cases where he has sexually abused his step daughters.........
Its disgusting.Marriage is simply seen as a way for men to have more sex with different women.
The original objectives seem like an impossible joke now.

:ooh: I still feel that we are being too general about today's men and their attitudes towards women

[maryam87]

im getting a taste of the dark side of men now. Its freaking me out!
I thought the idea of polygamy purpose had more value :(

[Raudha]

^Like I said, not all men are that shallow :X

[maryam87]

^Like I said, not all men are that shallow :X

Thanks for the comfort :thumbs_up

[Sahabiyaat]

:ooh: I still feel that we are being too general about today's men and their attitudes towards women

..well men in south africa must be darn good! cuz there not in the UK!! :D

..and the uk is ethnically diverse, so thats an overview of men of diff ethnicites. or maybe not.Allah knows best sis.

...questions for the brothers...


what would you do if you caught your wife looking at another man....for a little too long? ...would you confront her about it or would you let it go and think.....'oh obviously she must have felt attracted to him for a bit' :) , cuz your all saying we have to dismiss it like that?

[yusuf18]

im getting a taste of the dark side of men now. Its freaking me out!
I thought the idea of polygamy purpose had more value :(

wake up sisters polgamy is also to stasify mens desiers witout the need of cheating

[yusuf18]

..well men in south africa must be darn good! cuz there not in the UK!! :D

..and the uk is ethnically diverse, so thats an overview of men of diff ethnicites. or maybe not.Allah knows best sis.

...questions for the brothers...


what would you do if you caught your wife looking at another man....for a little too long? ...would you confront her about it or would you let it go and think.....'oh obviously she must have felt attracted to him for a bit' :) , cuz your all saying we have to dismiss it like that?

weres the haya of women then knowdays women act like men in their desiers allahu mustan

[Raudha]

well men in south africa must be darn good! cuz there not in the UK!! :D

Subhanallah! actually we have both extremes :astagfiru

...questions for the brothers...


what would you do if you caught your wife looking at another man....for a little too long? ...would you confront her about it or wolud you let it go and think.....'oh obviously she must have felt attracted to him for a bit' :) , cuz we your all saying we have to dismiss it like that?

Exactly! :?

[Sahabiyaat]

weres the haya of women then knowdays women act like men in their desiers allahu mustan

so the haya of a woman must be stronger than the haya of a man simply because of the level of the desire each possesses.

I have less desire...so i should have more haya....shouldnt it be the other way round? :)

if men have such strong desires, then a good muslim man will make sure his sense of haya equals his desires?
right?

[yusuf18]

so the haya of a woman must be stronger than the haya of a man simply because of the level of the desire each possesses.

I have less desire...so i should have more haya....shouldnt it be the other way round? :)

if men have such strong desires, then a good muslim man will make sure his sense of haya equals his desires?
right?

women without haya are just like the kuffa women no shyness no modesity and they will be treated acordinaly

[Sahabiyaat]

you havent anwsered either of my questions.

what would you do in the aforementioned situation
and shouldnt a man's sense of haya equal his level of desire.

[noorseeker]

Yes we find other women attractive,

Doesnt mean i, goin to try and get her am i. Hows is thread turned into a polygamy thread.

I think the question to sisters is , are you afraid your man will cheat on you.

Many non practising brothers, are players , they do cheat, And you know what girls know it, unless their in some dream land.

I dont like seeing haram relationships, but i hate it more if the brother is married,i had a conversation yesterday with a friend, why do you think guys go back home to get married. Coz them girls cant say anything , or do anything in the case they do get caught

[Vito]

Don't forget the rules involving polygamy in Islam.. It is not just some little task where you get bored with one and go to the other. There are very strict rules that the man must follow. I'm not sure how exactly a man will find it desirable to take care of more than one family.

I think the problem that this thread will see soon is a brothers vs sisters type thread, but its clear that almost all the brothers feel the same about this subject, except of course yusuf18

[yusuf18]

oh also dont avoid anwsering the question brother yusuf!
what would you do in that situation.
I bet brothers would just slap her! lol, such is your ghaairah im sure. (whereas we are meant to have none......wonderful....)

first of all i dont want a wife who is a w~~~ a muslima must have HAYAH men look at atthere women becouse that is the nature of men /men are weak in this respect not saying women dont look but they can control

[yusuf18]

Don't forget the rules involving polygamy in Islam.. It is not just some little task where you get bored with one and go to the other. There are very strict rules that the man must follow. I'm not sure how exactly a man will find it desirable to take care of more than one family.

yes i know the rules very well the must provide for them equaly money clothes but not love becouse you carnt control the love

[Raudha]

women without haya are just like the kuffa women no shyness no modesity and they will be treated acordinaly

Same with the men :ermm:

[yusuf18]

Same with the men :ermm:

no sister if the women in west had more respect the men wouldnt treat them a sex objects and they riducle them calling them dirty names and some sisters mite end up at that tunnel sisters will always lose in that respects allah gave you honour so keep to that

[Sahabiyaat]

first of all i dont want a wife who is a w~~~ a muslima must have HAYAH men look at atthere women becouse that is the nature of men /men are weak in this respect not saying women dont look but they can control

...ah so a prolonged glance makes us w*****.......yet a mans prolonged glance is nature...... :) .That is a harsh and disgusting word to use brother.

well guess what.


I pity the weakness of men.....people say women will lead men to hell....i say your own weaknesses will.

bottom line, i would equally reprimand both men and women for their prolonged glances of the oppsite sex.

[maryam87]

first of all i dont want a wife who is a w~~~ a muslima must have HAYAH men look at atthere women becouse that is the nature of men /men are weak in this respect not saying women dont look but they can control

Can other brothers confirm this? I thought this was a case of weak iman arent u supossed to lower ur gaze anyway hence u wouldnt even have that problem

[yusuf18]

Can other brothers confirm this? I thought this was a case of weak iman arent u supossed to lower ur gaze anyway hence u wouldnt even have that problem

omg dont ever thinks for 1 minit that women and men are the same in this respect you will never know unless your a man how hard it is

[Danah]

:sl:
^but not applicable to all men :exhausted :D probably not even most...

lol, but even though, after the honey moon?? give me a break!!
that is craziness, even if it was a single man in the world think that way!!!!

[yusuf18]

...ah so a prolonged glance makes us w*****.......yet a mans prolonged glance is nature...... :) .That is a harsh and disgusting word to use brother.

well guess what.


I pity the weakness of men.....people say women will lead men to hell....i say your own weaknesses will.

bottom line, i would equally reprimand both men and women for their prolonged glances of the oppsite sex.

proffhet muhammad said the things he fears for his ummah is women

[The Ruler]

omg dont ever thinks for 1 minit that women and men are the same in this respect you will never know unless your a man how hard it is

I suppose you've been a woman at some point in your life to come to the conlcusion that women's desires are easier to control?

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

:sl:
so? that's normal in every marriage. i mean the honeymoon phase being over. it doesn't mean you go out and get married again...that's just called being hasty and immature...and what use is it going to be anyway. its just going to happen again if he did get married.:$ you just need to "restart" or whatever it's called...

I don't think the brother's married yet, so you should take his words with a few grains of salt.

what i mean is evey man has urge for multipal wives thats common sence the only reason is the cost of liveing ect

Nope. That's incorrect.

^In the time of the prophet (SAW), they used to marry the widows in order to protect them and support them financially etc. as well as to take care of their children if they were little. The reason for marrying more than one woman was not always out of personal interest and to feed their desires.

True.

what would you do if you caught your wife looking at another man....for a little too long? ...would you confront her about it or would you let it go and think.....'oh obviously she must have felt attracted to him for a bit' :) , cuz your all saying we have to dismiss it like that?

I'll be like...'Baby, keep checking him out and watch when we get to Jannah (insha allah) I'm gonna be spending all my time with my Hoors' :P Lol.

On a serious note, I'd know enough of my wife to know that even if she glances at someone she'll lower her gaze and turn away. It's what I would do, so I'd expect the same from her.

women without haya are just like the kuffa women no shyness no modesity and they will be treated acordinaly

You have to be careful in your words. Instead of adopting an attitude of treating them accordingly etc, you can take some positive action and come up with solutions and figure out how we can help those sisters that act like that to come back to the religion. The problem isn't that they are inherently bad, it's the deception of Shaytan and low imaan and once that gets addressed they'll change.

And it applies to men as well as women. I'd actually say some of the things that men do are worse than what our sisters have ever imagined of doing.

first of all i dont want a wife who is a w~~~ a muslima must have HAYAH men look at atthere women becouse that is the nature of men /men are weak in this respect not saying women dont look but they can control

This makes no sense brother. A woman cannot look at another man because then she'll be lacking hayaa and when a man looks at a woman, it's due to his nature? Actually, both genders are attracted to each other and Allaah has commanded both to take the same action - i.e. lower the gaze.

I pity the weakness of men.....people say women will lead men to hell....i say your own weaknesses will.

It's both. Women are the core of society (and I'm not saying this out of bias), they raise the children, they take care of the most core foundation of the society - the family. So if the women are corrupt, the society will fall, and if they're upright, then the society benefits. It actually shows how important women are more than anything, so much depends on them.

bottom line, i would equally reprimand both men and women for their prolonged glances of the oppsite sex.

:thumbs_up

Can other brothers confirm this? I thought this was a case of weak iman arent u supossed to lower ur gaze anyway hence u wouldnt even have that problem

Yeah. If you lower your gaze you'll forget about it. And in case it sticks in your head, then we have the Prophetic solution which was mention in the hadeeth earlier in this thread.

[yusuf18]

the sisters are the foundation if they are bad the brothers are so we need to build a stronger foundation its like starting from the top when the bottom is broken

[Ar-RaYYan]

what i mean is evey man has urge for multipal wives thats common sence the only reason is the cost of liveing ect at the time of the profhet polagamny was widely practised and the reason why some men get violent to his wife mite come down to his needs not being met just my opoinon.

Ahh so you finally admitted that it was just your opinion not a fact! Well done!

[Muezzin]

Let's calm down.

As for the topic, blokes should remember:

The prettier the woman, the longer the receipt.

[Danah]

the sisters are the foundation if they are bad the brothers are so we need to build a stronger foundation its like starting from the top when the bottom is broken

I disagree,
why you are throwing the responsibility on the sisters only?
each one will be questioned to what s/he did, both genders have to lower their gazes, holding their desires as much as they can:


كُلُّ نَفۡسِۭ بِمَا كَسَبَتۡ رَهِينَةٌ
Every soul is a pledge for its own deeds
[74:38]



قُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ يَغُضُّواْ مِنۡ أَبۡصَـٰرِهِمۡ وَيَحۡفَظُواْ فُرُوجَهُمۡۚ ذَٲلِكَ أَزۡكَىٰ لَهُمۡ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرُۢ بِمَا يَصۡنَعُونَ (٣٠) وَقُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنَـٰتِ يَغۡضُضۡنَ مِنۡ أَبۡصَـٰرِهِنَّ وَيَحۡفَظۡنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبۡدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنۡهَاۖ وَلۡيَضۡرِبۡنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِہِنَّ

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. (30) And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms.....
[24:30-31]

sorry, but really I cant understand your theory brother!!

[yusuf18]

I disagree,
why you are throwing the responsibility on the sisters only?
each one will be questioned to what he did, both genders have to lower their gazes, holding their desires as much as they can:


كُلُّ نَفۡسِۭ بِمَا كَسَبَتۡ رَهِينَةٌ
Every soul is a pledge for its own deeds
[74:38]



قُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنِينَ يَغُضُّواْ مِنۡ أَبۡصَـٰرِهِمۡ وَيَحۡفَظُواْ فُرُوجَهُمۡۚ ذَٲلِكَ أَزۡكَىٰ لَهُمۡ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرُۢ بِمَا يَصۡنَعُونَ (٣٠) وَقُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنَـٰتِ يَغۡضُضۡنَ مِنۡ أَبۡصَـٰرِهِنَّ وَيَحۡفَظۡنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبۡدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنۡهَاۖ وَلۡيَضۡرِبۡنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِہِنَّ

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. (30) And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms.....
[24:30-31]

sorry, but really I cant understand your theory brother!!

not only lowering the gaze and why didnt allah tell men to wear hijab aswell allah knows women the are cause thats why he told them to wear a veil/allah taked more detail on sisters covering up./and also sisters are the foundation becouse they will bring up the next scholar of islam and the next mayrty we need to be able to trust them and bring them up right ect if our sisters end up corupt allah mustan what hope have we got

[The Ruler]

This is probably off-topic, but so are the posts in the last 2 pages... But could you quote the hadiths that specify women as the ones to "bring up the next scholar of islam and the next mayrty"?

I don't think that a man is responsible only for his sperm and his money.

[Ar-RaYYan]

yea and ......

well as far as i remember you were the one that stated that 'Most husband would never be satisfied with their first wife' and i told you to stop making generalisation! and you keep arguing that most men are this and that and now you've have finally admitted it was just your opinion! we wouldnt have three extra pages on this thread if you could have stated that before.

[Danah]

not only lowering the gaze and why didnt allah tell men to wear hijab aswell allah knows women the are cause thats why he told them to wear a veil/allah taked more detail on sisters covering up./and also sisters are the foundation becouse they will bring up the next scholar of islam and the next mayrty we need to be able to trust them and bring them up right ect if our sisters end up corupt allah mustan what hope have we got

and who told you that men are not ordered to wear hijab?

why people think about woman when they hear the word hijb:?

men have their awrah from navel to knee, aren't they? so each one his his/her own hijab my brother....so don't mix up things please