Interaction between men and woman at work

[Grofica]

I have a question and i am not sure if this should be here or under manners so please move it if i put it in the wrong place...

My question is as a "newbie"...

I am female and i work in a place where there are WAY more men then woman and of course a lot of people like to joke. and a lot of people come to visit my co-worker...

i find it awkward when her friends come to visit they always want to shake hands (as to say hi) and i am not sure a polite way to disregard the gesture...

Also my co-worker is nice but way too nice and she is always hugging and putting her hands on me... (not in a bad way its ment with kindness) but how do i let her know that its not very appropriate.

i dont mind a hug when its warrented but she is excessive. its kind of irriating as well as inapropriate. :exhausted

[UmmSqueakster]

Assalamu Alaikum,

If a male approaches me and I anticipate a handshake, I put my right hand over my heart, smile politely and give a little nod of my head. I do the same if someone sticks their hand out for a shake, although then it's a little more ackward. But, overtime, you develop a thick skin :)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

my sister quit her job coz of this reason


*HINT HINT*



never EVER underestimate the affect free-mixed environment can have on emaan...


Luqman alaihissalaam advised his son (something to the affect of) : "o my son, walk behind a lion, walk behind a leopard, walk behind anything but NEVER walk behind a woman"


just an example, i know its not tottaly insync with the topic :)



Assalamu Alaikum




oh and btw, now shes got a job where she dont get bothered by men at all, Alhamdulillaah :D


give ups omething for Allah, you WILL be replaced with better :) fil dunya or akhirah :)

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

I think the most important aspect that must always be kept in mind is that we are all being tested in the life of this world. We shall remain humans, with all the weaknesses and desires of humans, time and again we shall falter, we shall do wrong... yes, we shall remain humans, but we must never become unmindful of our Lord's likings and dislikings.

the Prophet (pbuh) is in keeping with his general teachings and the general spirit of Islam to not only avoid sin in its final shape, but also to avoid being a part of an environment, which is likely to lure man into a sin.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Grofica]

Well the job place is not so bad and its not a matter of tempation...

and my husband is here with me about only 6-7 min away... (its a large work area)

the men dont really bother me they are here for my co-worker i just dont really like to be put in the position to shake hands and i always feel awkward... i like the hand over the heart thing though! :-) i will try it.

[Malaikah]

:sl:

Sister just explain to them that you don't shake hands with men for religious reasons. Alhamdulilah it always works for me.

[glo]

From what I have read more than 40% of the population in Bosnia and Herzegovina are Muslims.
Perhaps your work colleagues have a better understanding of Islamic ways than you realise. Chances are you are not the first muslimah they meet.

Peace :)

[Grofica]

well it depends on where you are in bosnia however my husband and i work outside the country right now. :-(

[glo]

Where are you living and working at the moment, Grofica?

[Grofica]

well i actually dont like to say online... everyone has an opinion... one way or the other... sorry i will answer any other question... :-)

[glo]

well i actually dont like to say online... everyone has an opinion... one way or the other... sorry i will answer any other question... :-)

I completely understand. Don't ever feel you have to answer any questions you don't feel comfortable to, Grofica!

I just like to ask a lot of questions ... I'm nosey like that! :D

Peace

[Grofica]

Its ok i mean i have a million questions too... i have been posting some of them lately (he he he)

I am getting to the point where i miss home but i know my husband and i are on the right path... we want to make a good start for ourselves... i am only 25+ (26 but i am in denial ~ my mamma said that women never age past 25) he he he...

[yusuf18]

I have a question and i am not sure if this should be here or under manners so please move it if i put it in the wrong place...

My question is as a "newbie"...

I am female and i work in a place where there are WAY more men then woman and of course a lot of people like to joke. and a lot of people come to visit my co-worker...

i find it awkward when her friends come to visit they always want to shake hands (as to say hi) and i am not sure a polite way to disregard the gesture...

Also my co-worker is nice but way too nice and she is always hugging and putting her hands on me... (not in a bad way its ment with kindness) but how do i let her know that its not very appropriate.

i dont mind a hug when its warrented but she is excessive. its kind of irriating as well as inapropriate. :exhausted

allhu mustan/ La Howla Wa Laa Qowata Illa Billah subanallah this is what our ummah is comeing down to first of all why are you working sister let alone mixing with othere men which totaly haram i advise you to quit you job sister and fear allah if you dont fear allah carry on

[Grofica]

first of all why are you working sister let alone mixing with othere men which totaly haram i advise you to quit you job sister and fear allah if you dont fear allah carry on

Tons of woman work,

I even see a huge amount of women working in Dubai, even at the airports women work near to men. i dont understand why working with men is haram. I mean i have seen it everywhere...

as far as why i work... well not everyone in life has the option not to. and my husband and i have plans and we are here together...

all the men are maintenance people so i dont see them much but occasionally they come for my co-worker... its just the place in which i work holds a very western attitude where its customary to shake hands when greeting someone (something i have grown up with but never really cared for anyway) and i was looking for an approiate way to decline the hand.

the men that come around never talk to me in an inapproiate way (mostly because i dont act like my co-worker) i just want to draw the line a little deeper in the sand i guess you could say.

I really would like more information on how working is haram.

Thank you

~Grofica

[yusuf18]

Tons of woman work,

I even see a huge amount of women working in Dubai, even at the airports women work near to men. i dont understand why working with men is haram. I mean i have seen it everywhere...

as far as why i work... well not everyone in life has the option not to. and my husband and i have plans and we are here together...

all the men are maintenance people so i dont see them much but occasionally they come for my co-worker... its just the place in which i work holds a very western attitude where its customary to shake hands when greeting someone (something i have grown up with but never really cared for anyway) and i was looking for an approiate way to decline the hand.

the men that come around never talk to me in an inapproiate way (mostly because i dont act like my co-worker) i just want to draw the line a little deeper in the sand i guess you could say.

I really would like more information on how working is haram.

Thank you

~Grofica

ermmm shakeing hands is haram i brought daleel
“The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045).so if you are true belever you would accept what the messsenger says and also women must stay home allahs says *{And stay in your houses, and make not a dazzling display, like that of the former Times of Ignorance)i rest my case

[Grofica]

I do believe he said (somewhere else perhaps) stay in your houses unless you need to go out... (i am paraphrazing sorry) work is a nessessity, an obligation, not a dazzeling display.

on a site for muslim women i found:

Muslim women are not forbidden from going out in the community, working, or visiting relatives and female friends, if there is no objection from their guardian/husband and they are covered and behave and speak according to Islamic guidelines.

I also did some research on what you said and i found some stuff from the Koran:

And in no wise covet those things in which Allah hath bestowed His gifts more freely on some of you than on others: to men is allotted what they earn, and to women what they earn: But ask Allah of His bounty: For Allah hath full knowledge of all things. (4:32)

And when he arrived at the watering (place) in Madyan. He found there a group of men watering (their flocks), and besides them he found two women who were keeping back (their flocks):He said :"What is the matter with you?" they said: "We cannot water (our flocks) unit] the shepherds take back (their flocks):And our father is a very old man," (28:23)

Earning of livelihood for the family is basically a duty of the man. Islamic society makes the man responsible for providing bread and butter for his wife and children and meeting their expenses. However, there may arise situations where the women have also to work for earning livelihood. So the Qur'an does not debar them from working. This right of earning income through lawful (Halal) means is granted to a woman by the Revealed Book when it says:"...to men is allotted what they earn, and to women what they earn"‑(4:32). Earning signifies the reward of good deeds in the next world as well as earning of provision for the family in this world.

The incident referred to by the Qur'an in verse 23 of chapter 28, according to most of the Commentators, pertains to the daughters of Hadrat Shoaib[1], one of whom later became the wife of Prophet Moses. Hadrat Shoaib was an old man and could not look after his flock of sheep. His young daughters tended the sheep and worked for grazing and watering the flock. Prophet Moses, one day reached Madyan and found there some men watering their sheep when two women were holding back. He offered his services and watered their sheep. Afterwards, he was employed by their father with the condition that he would be married with one of the girls in consideration of his services. From this incident reported by the Qur'an, some scholars infer that women can engage in the earning of bread for the family under economic compulsions.

According to some authentic Traditions of Prophet Muhammad (may Allah's peace be upon him), he permitted the women to earn for themselves and for their family. A Hadith quoted in Sahih Muslim states that the Prophet permitted a woman who had been divorced, to visit her garden and take her fruit. According to another Hadith reported by Umme Atiyyah, the Prophet allowed the women to render services in Jihad like preparing food, nursing the wounded etc. From this we can conclude that the women can adopt the profession of a nurse and of a doctor.

Hadrat Saudah, the wife of the Prophet (PBUH), was skilled in tanning‑the skins of the animals and used to make a considerable amount of earning from this vocation. Abdullah-*b‑Mas'ud was mostly engaged in religious work and had no time to earn for the family. So his wife used to work as artisan to earn livelihood for the family. When the Prophet came to know about it, he assured her reward for this in the hereafter[2]. Khaulah‑b‑Thalabah also used to meet the needs of her husband who was a poor man and earned nothing and she told this thing to the Prophet[3].

A lady named Qailah was a trader and bought and sold goods. Once she met the Prophet and asked him some questions about trade. It is also narrated about Asma‑b-*Makhramah that she received perfumes from her son in Yemen and sold them[4].

There are many such incidents reported in the books of history which establish that the women used to work in the days of the Prophet to support their families and the Prophet never objected to their such engagements. From such incidents we cannot resist the conclusion that the Muslim women can engage themselves in lawful professions to earn income for supporting their families in case of need provided they comply with the instructions of the Qur'an and Sunnah regarding modesty.

I also found a few scholar point of views...

1. Encyclopaedia of Islam says: "Islam does not restrict the economic activity of women; what it restricts are those factors which might encourage or incite the spread of obscenity in society. If women take proper care of these things and observe Shari' instructions, they are not barred from engaging in any lawful activity outside their houses which is necessary for their livelihood, for Allah's Messenger explicitly permitted this in these words: "O women! You have been allowed by Allah to go out for your needs." (Bukhari)

2. Dr. Hamidullah writes: "In every epoch of Islamic history, including the time of the Prophet, one sees Muslim women engaged in every profession that suited them. They worked as nurses, teachers, and even as combatants by the side of men when necessary, in addition to being singers, hair‑dressers, etc. Caliph Umar employed a lady, Shifa' bint Abdallah, as inspector in the market at the capital (Madinah), as Ibn Hajar (Isabah) records. The same lady had taught Hafsah, wife of the Prophet, how to write and read. The jurists admit the possibility of women being appointed as judges of tribunals, and there are several examples of the kind. In brief, far from becoming a parasite, a woman could collaborate with men, in Muslim society, to earn her livelihood and to develop her talents." (Introduction to Islam)

3. Justice Aftab Hussain, in his book "Status of the women in Islam writes: "Careerism among women is not hobby. The object of some in choosing a career is to make themselves useful to the society. For them money is a secondary consideration. For others there are economic compulsions. The uneducated widows or deserted wives generally earn money by sewing and needle work but literate women avail of their talents in finding many vocations for living honourably. During this age of inflations and unpredictable rise in the costs of living many an educated women assist their husbands, parents, brothers and sisters by putting to use their talents for earning honest money, to make the two ends meet. And then the question is why they should not turn out to be useful members of the Ummah or society. One thing which is common among those ladies is that with few exceptions, in fact much fewer than males, they entertain considerable love and reverence for Islam, the Prophet (PBUH) and the saints. They are generally chaste and guard their modesty. No scandal is attached to them. They marry, have children but persevere in their careers."

as for the physical contact think i know and understand... thats why i asked for a way out of the awkward situation of the handshake... perhaps you misread into my questions thinking the men were after me. its considered normal in western culture to shake the hand of the person your meeting. and if not done politely it can be considered rude not to...

i was mearly asking for a polite way out of a socially awkward situation.

i dont find anywhere where it says that a woman can not work. if anything the koran promotes woman's usefulness to the economy. :-)

[The Ruler]

Sweaty palms is always a good excuse.

[Yanal]

:sl:
Well it's your friends problem she is interacting with other men. Here's a few questions to you try to answer them so I can fully understand the concept of your problem and inshAllah I will be able to help.
:sl:

[Grofica]

Im sorry Alpha Jr. but i dont see your questions...



P.S. the female i was talking about is not my friend but a co-worker...

[Selising]

I did the same thing like one of the sister. I told them I do not shake hand with man. It was very hard last time when not many people practising Islam in Malaysia. When more practising Muslimah went to work and this new tradition started, people tend to understand that a muslimah cannot shake hand with man. So, nowadays people will not offer to shake hand with a muslim women who cover their head. For a muslim women with free hair they will still wants to shake hand with her.

[ragdollcat1982]

I as a Christian will not shake hands or have any physical contact with men other than my husband or family. I just tell them that I do not want to get germs that could make me sick, which is true.

[Malaikah]

I as a Christian will not shake hands or have any physical contact with men other than my husband or family. I just tell them that I do not want to get germs that could make me sick, which is true.

That's very unique! I've never heard of a Christian like this. Is your real reason for not wanting to touch men the germs issue, or because you think it is not appropriate?

[ragdollcat1982]

I think it is inappropriate, but some people sadly do not understand it. So if they make an issue of it I just tell them I dont want to get germs and get sick. Which is also true, so I guess both are true because I do not want to get sick.

[Malaikah]

That's interesting! Personally, I'd find it more offensive if someone didn't shake my hand for 'germ' reasons than for religious reasons... its strange who people think sometimes.

[SouljahOfAllah]

yh i just do the hand on heart nod thing. I guess it puts the message across

[Grofica]

I like the hand on the heart thing... i think it sounds very femine and graceful.... now lets see if i can pull it off with some grace...

let me tell you... graceful is not my middle name :-( he he he

[ragdollcat1982]

That's interesting! Personally, I'd find it more offensive if someone didn't shake my hand for 'germ' reasons than for religious reasons... its strange who people think sometimes.

I used to shake hands indiscriminatly. Two years ago I got sick really bad with a flu like illness that was so bad that I ended up in the hospital ER because I was so sick and dehydrated that I could not stand up. That is when I stopped shaking hands for health reasons. I have no insuraunce and do not qualify for Medicaid. I really cant afford to get sick. But during the last year I have been more religious and examining what God wants of me and I think that unrelated men and women having any physical contact is a playground for tempation. So I do not do it all now with men.