format_quote Originally Posted by
innocent
I have twin teenage daughters 13yrs. One of them wears hijab but the other one doesnt. The hijabi one knows how to pray and is trying to get into the habit but the other one is very reluctant. I watch islamic programs and make her sit with me but she doesnt take any notice of the things which are advised. She questions everything to the tiniest detail and says why do we have to do this and its not fair that we cant do so and so.
I know its partly my fault for not teaching her when she was younger and for not following it myself. I only started following Islam last Ramadan. Shes very rebellious and stubborn very strong willed. She says she wants to do music as one of her subjects when they have to choose their options. I've told her its haram but she says she likes it and wants to do it and will do it. I pray for her with every salah. What else can i do?
Jazakallah khair for any advice.
Well, you can beat yourself up over having not taught her when she was younger and not following it yourself, or you can decide to do something about it. I suggest, that if it is really important to you, try the latter.
You don't say the age of your daughter, but all children regardless of age or even disposition seek a few things from their parents. And, though we may not feel it is the case, they even pay attention to us looking for these things:
1) our love, attention, and respect
2) guidance (yes, even your rebellious daughter is looking to you for guidance)
3) proof that a particular way of life works or that it doesn't work
And because all children also want to be their own person, they will also rebel at some stage (even your daughter who is learning all of the things you want her to will at sometime in someway act to set herself apart from you and as her own person). So, given that don't get too awfully concerned about the rollercoaster of parenting. It generally evens out over time. But for your immediate goals, I suggest that you simply live a genuine lifestyle before her that reflects your values, and that encourages her in those that you wish for her to adopt, but that doesn't demand.
Ask yourself what you want in 20 years:
A daughter who sought her own place in this world so much that when her mother tried to cram something that she herself didn't believe down her throat that she rebelled so much she ran away from it and would have nothing to do with it.
OR
A daughter who didn't buy into the things and decision that her mother adopted (probably to your daughter as an out of the blue change in her life), but that she also saw make a real change in her mother that brought peace and serenity into her home so that it raised her interest in what this new thing in her mother's life was. Thereby leading her to investigate it at the point in her adult life where she once again realized she needed her mother's counsel.
I don't know that those are your only options, but I suspect they are the two most likely scenarios, and you (not your daughter) get to decide which of them you will set in motion.
Good luck and peace be with you.
BTW, I write this as a father or both and son and a daughter. My daughter followed my lifestyle, but my son questioned it and rebelled. Recently, at the age of 27, he has called me up with questions indicated that he is seeking answers in his life that he thinks that perhaps his dad might have afterall. I think that is because I was consistent in encouraging him, but always left it ultimately as his decision to make. Afterall, even as a parent I can't force my child to believe in something they don't believe for themselves. I can make them go through the motions, at least until they move out of the house, but if they don't adopt those behaviors as a result of believing them for themselves, they will never really own nor practice them as an adult. And though it might have appeared to the rest of the world that I was raising childrend, I wasn't, My goal as a parent was really to raise mature and responsible adults.
Just a thought.