Dad

[AnonymousPoster]

Hello everyone,


Ok, this is quite a sensitive issue for me but I need to tell someone about it.

Basically, about a year and a few months ago my mum told me that my dad (they're both married) got married to a woman in another country (Morocco). She told me that he did it without her knowledge, and at the same time that she was unaware that he had married/was seeing another woman, he would take frequent trips to Morocco. (my parents are both muslim).

He said his reason was that he wants to live in Morocco soon, and that he needs someone there to look after him - how he doesn't want my mum to live in morocco with him because the healthcare there isn't the best (she has a few health problems noted below). He told her that he would stay in Morocco for 6 months and see us for the remaining six months.

She's completely torn and still is to this day. I've had several arguments with him about this situation in defense of my mum, but nothing's ever improved. She has Angina & high blood pressure, so the stress from this really exacerbates her condition - and I'm so worried for her :cry:. Besides my brothers, I'm the only person she really speaks to, to let out her frustration.

I can't lie, I've lost a lot of respect for him and his actions. It feels as if he's only thinking of himself and not about the effect that it has on the family. It's really straining my family's relationship with him.

What makes it worse is that the woman in Morocco is much younger than my mum.

I don't know if what he's doing is OK or not - it feels so wrong. It feels like he's had an affair with this other woman.

My mum is such a great person. I really don't think she deserves this. She's done so much for me and my family, it just hurts to see her like this.

If anyone could spare some advice, or tell me about the religious aspects of this, I would greatly appreciate it.


Thank you.

[ragdollcat1982]

Im a Christian, but what I do know of polygamy as allowed in Islam is that a husband has to inform his wife that he is taking another one and that if she does not feel that can handle that can ask for a divorce. I am sorry this happened to your mum . I am sure the muslims on this forum will be able to offer you the proper advice.

[جوري]

I am sorry sis, I don't know what to say.. perhaps it is for the best your parents go their separate ways if it is too intolerable for you and your mom?...
Many women feel really stabbed when their husbands cheat on them and I know he went about it the legal route but, the fact that he wants to exclude your mom from Morocco is very suspicious....

I think what you need to know and hear is that they both love you no matter what.. I mean you are their wonderful offspring..
I think you should be supportive of your mother whatever her decision but don't try to influence it -- they both need to work this out for themselves ..
I am sorry if my reply came out all wrong, I am really out of it tonight.. but felt compelled to write you..

Insha'Allah things will get better for you and yours

:w:

[ragdollcat1982]

Does a Muslim woman have the right to stipulate in her marriage contract that she is to be informed if her husband wants to take another wife or that she is to be the only wife. If I were to embrace Islam I do not think that I could share my husband with another woman it would just tear me up.

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[Dawud_uk]

Does a Muslim woman have the right to stipulate in her marriage contract that she is to be informed if her husband wants to take another wife or that she is to be the only wife. If I were to embrace Islam I do not think that I could share my husband with another woman it would just tear me up.

yes, she could put that as a condition of the marriage, that he has to inform her if he wishes to take another wife.

but most men are more honest with themselves and realise to have more than one wife is a massive burden and difficulty, especially in this day and age so keep away from it so if you did revert you would be best discussing this with any brother you were thinking of marrying.

[Dawud_uk]

Hello everyone,


Ok, this is quite a sensitive issue for me but I need to tell someone about it.

Basically, about a year and a few months ago my mum told me that my dad (they're both married) got married to a woman in another country (Morocco). She told me that he did it without her knowledge, and at the same time that she was unaware that he had married/was seeing another woman, he would take frequent trips to Morocco. (my parents are both muslim).

He said his reason was that he wants to live in Morocco soon, and that he needs someone there to look after him - how he doesn't want my mum to live in morocco with him because the healthcare there isn't the best (she has a few health problems noted below). He told her that he would stay in Morocco for 6 months and see us for the remaining six months.

She's completely torn and still is to this day. I've had several arguments with him about this situation in defense of my mum, but nothing's ever improved. She has Angina & high blood pressure, so the stress from this really exacerbates her condition - and I'm so worried for her :cry:. Besides my brothers, I'm the only person she really speaks to, to let out her frustration.

I can't lie, I've lost a lot of respect for him and his actions. It feels as if he's only thinking of himself and not about the effect that it has on the family. It's really straining my family's relationship with him.

What makes it worse is that the woman in Morocco is much younger than my mum.

I don't know if what he's doing is OK or not - it feels so wrong. It feels like he's had an affair with this other woman.

My mum is such a great person. I really don't think she deserves this. She's done so much for me and my family, it just hurts to see her like this.

If anyone could spare some advice, or tell me about the religious aspects of this, I would greatly appreciate it.


Thank you.

:sl:

it does seem he has thought of his own desires but we cant say that for sure without knowing the full details which you are in a better position to judge than us.

as far as you are describing, it isnt necessarily the case he has had an affair, maybe made a hurtful decision out of weakness and not told his wife he was intending on taking another wife but this doesnt mean he has had an affair.

we should make excuses for our brothers and sisters, especially when it is your parents.

why couldnt you sit down with your dad and explain what is he has done to your family, the way he has gone about things seems wrong, even if taking another wife is allowed to him it is hurtful to do it in this way.

:sl:

[doorster]

She told me that he did it without her knowledge, and at the same time that she was unaware that he had married/was seeing another woman, he would take frequent trips to Morocco.

this is against the rules (as I understand them) for a start (secret liaisons are haram)

as for the plight of OP and his/her mom is concerned all I can do is to sympathise and hope that they do not dwell on it.

[Tony]

Woow, your mum is so fortunate to have you. Remember that paradise is beneath the feet of your mother, keeplooking after her and insha'Allah it willbe made easy for the both of you. Imagine howit would be if she was alone, we all get our hearts broken what really matters is when other people help to restructure the peices. Allahs blessings be upon you and your familly, and may your dad reconsider his descision