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azwar
05-13-2009, 02:52 PM
asslam-o-elakum brothers and sisters,

I apologize if this question has been asked for before. I am a devoted muslim who has been in somewhat, at least with help from Allah have tried really hard to be in, a clean relationship with my non muslim girlfriend. We are so much in love at the moment and i have promised myself Insyaallah to stay clean in this relationship.

Having this intention to stay clean i really really want to marry her Insyaallah but i don't know how, as far as the right way to do it. I am seeking your advice on this matter and hoping i can get some answers to my question

Jizakallah Khair and may Allah keep you and your family safe
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glo
05-13-2009, 03:20 PM
As far as I understand Islam permits a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman as long as she is a Christian or a Jew.

Personally speaking, however, I would advise you against marrying somebody who does not share your own faith.
If you are a devout Muslim, then your religion will be very important to you. Almost inevitably, sooner or later your differences in beliefs would bring tension and conflict into your relationship. And it may be difficult for either of you to live your faith to the full extend!

I am not saying that it cannot be done with much grace, understanding and tolerance on both parts - but on the whole I would advise against it.

I hope all goes well for both of you.

Peace :)
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S_87
05-13-2009, 04:00 PM
Originally Posted by glo
As far as I understand Islam permits a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman as long as she is a Christian or a Jew.

Personally speaking, however, I would advise you against marrying somebody who does not share your own faith.If you are a devout Muslim, then your religion will be very important to you. Almost inevitably, sooner or later your differences in beliefs would bring tension and conflict into your relationship. And it may be difficult for either of you to live your faith to the full extend!

I am not saying that it cannot be done with much grace, understanding and tolerance on both parts - but on the whole I would advise against it.

I hope all goes well for both of you.

Peace :)
Ditto
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Civilsed
05-13-2009, 04:17 PM
:sl:

I would seriously think about asking her to become muslim. You should be focused on finding a wife that will be good for your deen. Exlain to her how important it is and start teaching her about islam. Make Dua that Allah Guides her.

I know too many brothers who face difficulties now especially with kids. Some brither have now devorced their wives and their kids are not being brought up that well in relation to Islam

This said the quote below is also correct as long as we understand what ahl kitab is and there is not Shirk involved i.e. if she is Christian she must worship Allah alone and not Jesus (AS) and so on.

Originally Posted by glo
As far as I understand Islam permits a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman as long as she is a Christian or a Jew.
I hope all goes well for both of you. And Allah Know best
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UmmSqueakster
05-13-2009, 05:02 PM
I'm conflicted.

On one hand, I know many beautiful muslim sisters who came to islam through their marriage to a muslim man.

On the other, I've also seen many disasters that have developed out of interfaith relationships, especially when children arrive and all the lovey dovey behavior is thrown to the wayside.

My advice? There's no such thing as a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship in islam. If you are devout, then you should strive to please Allah (swt) in all actions, and even a chaste dating relationship is not pleasing to Allah (swt). Either marry her or break up.

If you do decide to marry her, have a good long talk about how your marriage will work and how your children are raised. Don't think it will resolve itself later. More likely than not, it will blow up in your face.

For myself, I cannot ever imagine marrying someone who isn't muslim. Loving Allah (swt) and loving the Prophet (saws) are of the utmost importance to me, and I can't imagine sharing my life with someone who does not share my loves.
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Dawud_uk
05-13-2009, 08:11 PM
:sl:

firstly it is not allowed to be boyfriend and girlfriend whether you touch her or not, it is not allowed fullstop ok? this is always some form of zina, whether it is zina or the tongue where you talk to this ghair mahram women without good cause or reason, or zina of the hand where it progresses to touching or zina of the private parts.

all of it is forbidden, though some are worse than others.

also, from helping out people in the past i can be honest with you here and tell you 90% of these relationships dont work out, and brothers end up seeing their children being raised as kuffar and i cannot imagine a worse test for a muslim to bare.

now who is it that a muslim can marry other than a muslimah?

CHASTE women of the people of the book, that means a jewish or christian woman but not just any christian or jew but one who has not been kissed, touched or slept around outside of marriage. i.e almost no women in todays western society.

as well as this some ulema are of the opinion that only monotheistic women of the book, i.e those that dont believe in trinity or those who havent taken their priests and rabbis are partners besides Allah are permissable.

:sl:
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Whatsthepoint
05-13-2009, 08:14 PM
Originally Posted by Dawud_uk
CHASTE women of the people of the book, that means a jewish or christian woman but not just any christian or jew but one who has not been kissed, touched or slept around outside of marriage. i.e almost no women in todays western society.
There is one woman like that! Susan Boyle!
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ummsara1108
05-14-2009, 01:33 AM
It's funny how others instantly say NO, NEVER, WILL NEVER WORK OUT, Well:

I am a non muslim and my husband is a muslim. We have been married for 14 yrs and everything couldn't be better. I'm not saying that we have not had our issues, but just like any marriage there are issues of all kinds.

And as for asking her to become a muslim, it is not your place. All you can do is guide her, involve her and see where her heart truely is.

I mean if it's allowed by Allah, then what's the problem?

Some ppl are not strong enough to take on such differances, but if your heart is in the right place then those differances shall be over come with the guidence of allah.

Just remember all of the replies are just someone elses opinion, but seeing they do not live your life or pay your bills, or make salah for you, then the ultimate decision is up to you with allahs guidence. Of course not all marriages work out, mixed or not! Just because you marry someone from the same religion or ethnic backround does not gurantee a successful marriage.
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Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн
05-14-2009, 01:42 AM
:sl: brother.

Just one thing I'd like to say, there's no such thing as a clean bf/gf relationship in Islam cuz in Islam that doesn't "exist" in any shape or form.

If you do decide to marry her, have a good long talk about how your marriage will work and how your children are raised. Don't think it will resolve itself later. More likely than not, it will blow up in your face.

For myself, I cannot ever imagine marrying someone who isn't muslim. Loving Allah (swt) and loving the Prophet (saws) are of the utmost importance to me, and I can't imagine sharing my life with someone who does not share my loves.
Dittoooo.
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Yanal
05-14-2009, 02:34 AM
:sl:
I respect you but there are two problems to this: 1) You have a girlfriend which is haaram even if she was a muslim.

2) You are marrying a non muslim. Which us also haaram.

But both of them can be fixed and inshAllah will. These are the solutions: make her a muslim and ask her parents permission to marry and marry her. And ask for forgivness to Allah for having a girlfriend,problem solved inshAllah.
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Dawud_uk
05-14-2009, 06:24 AM
Originally Posted by Alpha Jr
:sl:
I respect you but there are two problems to this: 1) You have a girlfriend which is haaram even if she was a muslim.

2) You are marrying a non muslim. Which us also haaram.

But both of them can be fixed and inshAllah will. These are the solutions: make her a muslim and ask her parents permission to marry and marry her. And ask for forgivness to Allah for having a girlfriend,problem solved inshAllah.
:sl:

this isnt quite correct, the wali of a new muslimah is not her father or brother unless they are muslim as a kaffir cannot be in a position of authority over such matters over a muslimah.

so the wali would be any male muslim from her family, but if she doesnt have one then the responsibility would fall to the local imam to either do it himself or appoint a wali for her.

many of the problems new muslim sisters face in inappropiate marriage proposals and marriages would be solved if this rule by followed.

:sl:
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Dawud_uk
05-14-2009, 06:29 AM
Originally Posted by ummsara1108
It's funny how others instantly say NO, NEVER, WILL NEVER WORK OUT, Well:

I am a non muslim and my husband is a muslim. We have been married for 14 yrs and everything couldn't be better. I'm not saying that we have not had our issues, but just like any marriage there are issues of all kinds.

And as for asking her to become a muslim, it is not your place. All you can do is guide her, involve her and see where her heart truely is.

I mean if it's allowed by Allah, then what's the problem?

Some ppl are not strong enough to take on such differances, but if your heart is in the right place then those differances shall be over come with the guidence of allah.

Just remember all of the replies are just someone elses opinion, but seeing they do not live your life or pay your bills, or make salah for you, then the ultimate decision is up to you with allahs guidence. Of course not all marriages work out, mixed or not! Just because you marry someone from the same religion or ethnic backround does not gurantee a successful marriage.
peace ummsara,

it is not a matter of saying it will never work out, just that it is very unlikely and that the muslim community is littered with the emotional disaster cases such breakups cause.

for a start i have never and i mean never heard of a kaffir judge siding with a muslim in cases of custody in such cases, even when the woman is the muslim and the man non-muslim, still the non muslim gets custody in the uk everytime.

i hope inshallah one day you will embrace islam, but think how much it will break your husband's and children's hearts should you die before then upon disbelief (in their eyes).

this is why the scholars of the muslims warn strictly against such marriages even where it is allowed because they are the ones who must try to help stitch peoples lives back together after families are torn apart and know better than the rest of us the problems such marriages can cause.
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north_malaysian
05-14-2009, 06:39 AM
Originally Posted by Whatsthepoint
There is one woman like that! Susan Boyle!
LOL...

hey... you can still find ultra ultra-conservative Christian women... maybe in the villages on the mountainous region of Greece...
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amazing2009
05-14-2009, 05:50 PM
Originally Posted by Alpha Jr
:sl:
I respect you but there are two problems to this: 1) You have a girlfriend which is haaram even if she was a muslim.

2) You are marrying a non muslim. Which us also haaram.

But both of them can be fixed and inshAllah will. These are the solutions: make her a muslim and ask her parents permission to marry and marry her. And ask for forgivness to Allah for having a girlfriend,problem solved inshAllah.
JazakALLAH Khairan
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ragdollcat1982
05-14-2009, 10:21 PM
If one observes the protocol of finding a mate in Islam, how would a man find a Jewish or Christian woman to marry? When I was in college I became good friends with a young Kuwaiti man. Nothing romantic and we never were alone without other people around. He did ask me if I would consider marrying him so that he could get his green card. . However his parents were not happy about the idea of him marrying a Christian, especially an American. Last I heard he went back to Kuwait and married some girl his parents picked out for him and he did not want to marry her, but felt he owed it to his parents.
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amna_mirza
05-16-2009, 01:39 PM
Don't do it.
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