Should I give up?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: Brothers and sisters in Islam. I'm hoping someone can advise me on the situation I'm in. I'd be very grateful.

I've been making dua for something for a long time now and although I'm pretty certain it's not ment to be, I still carry on and exhaust myself hoping Allah swt will one day give me the thing I very much long for.

I know it's not meant to be because i've seen so many signs to show me that this is not the person for me because of the way he is. I keep telling myself that Allah swt is showing me these signs so i should let go. But something is stopping me from giving up and I believe Allah swt can change hearts, so why not hold on?

I know we shouldn’t ever give up on dua, but that is the only thing that could change what was written for me in the first place right? The person I want is with someone else… and he doesn’t want me, but I know Allah swt will help me, should I just carry on making dua or should I give up? :cry:

P.S Please don’t mention doing Istikhara. I have my reasons.

[Al-Zaara]

Aleykum selam,

You should give up. You can't constantly live in the future or with the hopes of the phrase "what if". He is with someone else - why do you want to break something which someone is happy with, to make yourself happy? You won't ever get good of such things or such duas.

You should trust in Allah, leave this be and move on.

[Abu Sukkar]

Universal Advice

http://www.islamicboard.com/1143419-post12.html

[AnonymousPoster]

Aleykum selam,

You should give up. You can't constantly live in the future or with the hopes of the phrase "what if". He is with someone else - why do you want to break something which someone is happy with, to make yourself happy? You won't ever get good of such things or such duas.

You should trust in Allah, leave this be and move on.

He is not married to this other person. Until he gets married, I can keep trying. He is not even married yet so how am I trying to break ties? imsad

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[Al-Zaara]

Geez...

He likes her, maybe even loves her, and is with her. That's a tie already even though not halal or eternal or whatever. Again, I stand behind my first answer. Maybe someone else will come and tell you something which you can agree with. InshaAllah, you'll be alright.

Selam aleykum.

[AnonymousPoster]

Geez...

He likes her, maybe even loves her, and is with her. That's a tie already even though not halal or eternal or whatever. Again, I stand behind my first answer. Maybe someone else will come and tell you something which you can agree with. InshaAllah, you'll be alright.

Selam aleykum.

How can I give up on the one thing I want so much? I am in complete misery and feel like I'm going insane. Knowing that I could make dua to Allah swt and put my trust in Him, that was my only hope and now I feel like I have to give up! :exhausted

I am NOT praying directly to Allah swt to break up ties, how can you say that??? I have making dua for what I want is that not allowed tell me??? What is wrong with me asking for I want???

[AnonymousPoster]

I agree completely with Al-Zaara.

Shaytan?

It could be 'hope' in Allah swt?

[Al-Zaara]

But sister! Is everything we want good for us? Is it sister? Has no girl ever loved the wrong person so hard that her heart was about to die inside of her and she couldn't understand how she still could breath? You might think I don't understand you, but sadly, I do all too well.

I am not assuming you are asking for something like that directly, now did I state it anywhere like that? But it is what has to happen for you to have him. Simple as that. If you really loved him, you'd pray he'd always be guided in the right path and be happy nomatter what, be it with you on his side or her.

Maybe there is someone who does want you and is good for you, but you won't be able to see him through the love you have for this person, which just gives you sorrow.

Pray to Allah to find someone who loves you, be it him or someone else. Really, that's the best dua you can make.

[Al-Zaara]

^ Amiin, inshaAllah. :)

[AnonymousPoster]

But sister! Is everything we want good for us? Is it sister? Has no girl ever loved the wrong person so hard that her heart was about to die inside of her and she couldn't understand how she still could breath? You might think I don't understand you, but sadly, I do all too well.

I am not assuming you are asking for something like that directly, now did I state it anywhere like that? But it is what has to happen for you to have him. Simple as that. If you really loved him, you'd pray he'd always be guided in the right path and be happy nomatter what, be it with you on his side or her.

Maybe there is someone who does want you and is good for you, but you won't be able to see him through the love you have for this person, which just gives you sorrow.

Pray to Allah to find someone who loves you, be it him or someone else. Really, that's the best dua you can make.

Please don’t get impatient with me.

He is all I see, all I want, all I crave for. I pray to Allah swt to take my life if I can’t have him. I can’t see myself living if I stop praying for him to be mine.

I get angry sometimes at Allah swt (Astaghfirullah) because whoever I have wanted in the past He took them away from me. Why couldn’t I have had just one of them just ONE? They might not have been good for me, fair enough, but why did I have to go through this again, again, and again?

I thought this time Allah will be kind to me and let me have what I want, but now I realize I have to give up on that thing and I won’t get it, YET AGAIN!!!

Where can you begin to have patience when you’ve been let down so many times, brought yourself up again, only to be beaten black and blue to the ground again. :enough!:

If I have to give up on this guy then I have to give up on everything, that includes praying, because I can’t live without him. I cry in my prayers and I beg Allah swt to give me that man’s love, and now I’m told I am commiting sin because I am trying to break up ties. I have just been beaten helpless, breathless to the ground again. My life may as well end. :raging:

Oh’ Allah, I beg you… take my life, I beg you take my life, I can’t deal with anymore tests, I have failed miserably. Oh’ Allah please forgive me and take my life.:exhausted :enough!:

[Donia]

Salaamu Alaikum sister.

I have to be honest and say that I am a little sad to read your post. I understand that you continue to pray out of hope for Allah to "give you what you want". It is always good to have hope for Allah. I don't think your reasons for praying are the best and I really believe that's something you should take a look at.

Your attraction to this man is just unhealthy. I'm sorry to say that. I don't know the whole story or the full extent of what the situation is but you have to be happy with yourself before you can look at being with anybody else. It doesn't seem like you are happy just with yourself and please forgive me if I'm wrong.

I only say that because you don't want to even live if you can't be with this man. That is sad to me and I am concerned for you sister because there is so much more to life.

Be patient.. Pray to Allah to heal your heart and bless you with a man that will be good for your deen and you. Remember that Allah knows best and we do not know and Allah loves those who are patient.

Please do not praying especially just because of a man.. Astaghfurillah. Pray for the love of Allah... and to please Allah.

I do agree with the brother that Shaytan may be messing with you. To make you confused.. upset.. to turn you from Allah. Audubillah... May Allah protect you from that. Seek refuge with Allah from shaytan.

I'll make dua for you inshAllah.

[Snowflake]

It's fine wanting/loving someone, but you said you feel he isn't the right person for you because of the way he is. I gather you mean he is not steadfast in his deen? If that is correct, then why do you want him? What qualities draw you to him? Is he commited to his deen? Does he love and obey Allah? Does he love al-Quran? Does he pray? Does he strive to be a good muslim and spend in the way of Allah? How do you know it isn't lust? (I apologize if I'm wrong) But I don't understand how you can love someone who doesn't possess the qualities that should be the reason for loving someone, ie. their character and deen.

[transition?]

:sl:

One is Rewarded for giving up certain things for the Sake of Allah (swt).

Whatever your heart may want, your soul will always be pleased with the Remembrance of Allah (swt).
In all your confusion, can you ever go wrong with following...what pleases Allah (swt)?

Sabr/patience, my sister, has boundless rewards. Here is an opportunity to use it. the Path to Paradise is paved ;), you just have to walk it
Your Lord is the Best Helper and May He Grant you into Paradise so you may join your reward:)

Every soul is burdened! We feel the pressure and emotions and the highs and lows, but believers are not burdened with more than they can handle. :)

Do you day to day duties, and leave the rest up to Allah (swt).

[coddles76]

:sl:

Give up on the things that displeases Allah SWT and strive for the things that please Allah SWT. If this man is with someone else outside the band of marriage then I say Give up ASAP on him and move on to find a righteous man who will benefit you in your faith.

And Allah SWT knows best.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
the way i look at it is that since he isnt interested in you and is with someone else, then i think its best to let it go...i mean if you were both interested in one another and he was "free" then i would advise you to make dua...but as i said since he isnt...then yeah i wouldn't want to be with someone who didnt want to be with me.

i get where you're coming from with the dua, but really say he was married wouldn't you still be making dua to get him?...my point: it seems that you're chasing a mirage imsad

As much as i believe in dua, and know that the hearts are in the hands of Allah, one really needs to look at reality as well because it may just be that your holding onto false hopes and therefore digging yourself a hole, where as you could be moving on...you said your self that you can see why Allah doesn't want him for you...grab that with both hands and go find someone whose hearts beats for you too awww :-[ :p

secondly, how would you feel if you were in that girls shoe's and some girl tried taking him away from you...?

you say that hes the thing that you only want? i ask sis, how every often do you see him. have you tried dissociating yourself from him? (if you haven't already)not talking to hi/seeing him etc...all these things just increase ones feelings towards another. so if that's the case, take the initiative and stay away from him :) one thing to also keep in mind is no matter what anyone says or does to advice you, it will never work unless and until you are ready to change yourself.

also, what makes you think that you cant get over this guy if you've gotten over the others?

I get angry sometimes at Allah swt (Astaghfirullah) because whoever I have wanted in the past He took them away from me. Why couldn’t I have had just one of them just ONE? They might not have been good for me, fair enough, but why did I have to go through this again, again, and again?

maybe its you that puts yourself in these situations? :rollseyes

[AnonymousPoster]

Why do I carry on making myself look st*pid!!! I have no control over the way I'm feeling, Shaitan has taken over cpompletely and I am so lost. You can ask me to recite as much Qur'an as you want and to pray as many namaz as possible... but I have already tried that and nothing is working. Don't tell me to be patient either, I've had enough of listening to all that.

Tell me... would it still be haram to commit suicide if someone has put the evil on you? I hahve no control over these feelings and no control over what I'm doing I'm goin crazy. I keep calling him and calling him and pestering him and he honestly doesn't want to know, what is making me do this?????????????? Something has taken over me and is destroying me and I know it's the effect of evil eye ebcause I went to someone who confirmed i had it.

So tell me.... if I commit suicide, it won't be haarm will it, because it's not me who wants to do this, I'm only doing it so i stop calling him and that si the only way I'll stop calling him. I am not repsonisble for my actions if I have evil eye on me am I?????????????????????

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
^don't you realize (and no offense here) that the more you call him, etc the more your scaring him off?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
^don't you realize (and no offense here) that the more you call him, etc the more your scaring him off?

Yes I know that yet I'm still doing it I don't know what's wrong with me! :grumbling

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
do something else instead. every time you want to call him, go eat a cookie :p

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you AnonymousGender;

So tell me.... if I commit suicide, it won't be haarm will it, because it's not me who wants to do this, I'm only doing it so i stop calling him and that si the only way I'll stop calling him.

I don’t know how I grew up in the 1960s without a cell phone, and we didn’t even have a phone in our house. I still don’t have a phone, and I am so pleased, I feel they are used for all the wrong reasons. All the important stuff has to be said directly to a person’s face so you can see their body language, and guage their thoughts more accurately, phones just don’t do that.

Give your phone to your parents or a friend for a week, then another week, maybe a month. It will be hard, maybe as hard as giving up smoking.

I wonder what is harder to do, live without a phone, or give up on living

We pray for things we want on this Earth, but they may not be the things that help us attain eternal salvation. Here is a wonderful prayer copied from this forum, sadly I forgot to take any references of were it comes from.

We pray in our way; and Allah answers in his way

I asked for Strength.........
And Allah gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And Allah gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And Allah gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And Allah gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And Allah gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favours.........
And Allah gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed
My Prayer has been answered.

You are in my prayers

Eric

[Afifa]

:sl:
Whatever happens you should never give up on dua. Dua is the most powerful tool. It can make anything happen. You might not realise but everytime you make dua a good has come out of it as when you make dua 1 out these 3 things happen.
Either

1. your dua is accepted
2. You dont get what you asked for but a difficulty is removed from your path
3. You wont get what you asked for but Allah will give you better in the Akhirat.

So in making dua thier is a lot of benefit. Your duas will never go to waste. So never give up on dua.
:)

:w:

[anonymous]

salam

you said u have ur reasons on y u dont want to do istikhara?

so u dont want Allah to guide u?

u dont want Allah to tell u whats best for u?

subhanAllah we say we love n trust Allah so much, is this our love and trust??!!

subhanAllah

may Allah guide us all, ameen

i'm sorry if my words my seem harsh to you but this is the reality - we are all hunky dory if Allah gives us something n keeps us happy - but when He constraints/restricts something on us in our life then we start complaining n say we want that so much - have u ever thought that the person u love - that was haraam love in the first place?

i'm not saying that i dont talk to guys - this is reminder to myself firstmost - but at the end of the day it is wrong and this is what gets us into trouble

if you dont pay attention to what Allah has asked u not to do, if u do it, then how can u expect Allah to pay attention to u?? :exhausted

search for Allah with a true heart sister, only then will u be able to taste the true sweetness of Imaan

[anonymous]

and i know its easier said than done but yeh

[Yanal]

But when he does get married sister,your hope and faith with Allah will break,so you should stop right now,and find a better man for yourself. And inshAllah you will and you and him will get a place in heaven. Ameen.

[iammuslim98]

Hi anonymous. What happened? How did this story end for you?