plz help

[AnonymousPoster]

salams,
i hope ur ll well inshallah, i need to write this post coz am kinda low and depressed, hope u ppl can help Inshallah.
THe thing is i have been feelin really low, unhappy and i dont feel connected wid Allah SWT and islam itself.

I feel that when i pray, i dont feel anyfin, no proper peace, i cry abt it but i feel faith for me just gives me a headache.tauba, but am just so angry, i dont feel like praying, i feel like ma wishes/ dreams aint goiing to happen.

ive had counseling, coz i seem to have problems wid maself, self esteem, confidence and had issue wid ma mates, i.e. insecurity/ jealously etc,,,

i wish for so much and it feels like i aint gettin what i wish and dream for. i feel like ma friends will get the perfect husbands, and that wishes may come true but me, i dont feel like its going to happe for me, the way i want it.... i.e.e marriage, ma future, etc.
i want good for ma friends, but i cant feel upset and insecure abt maself, and take it out on God,
Why does life feel like this, they say time will tell and be paient but its hard,feels like everyone gets what they want.. and the fingd i like, but me i feel in life, god forbid, that i might have to settle iwd somefin i dont like,,,,,

am tired of being insecure, Im honestly fed up and dont care about anyfin, becuase having feelings/hopes/dreams hurt when they dont come, whats thepoint of caring abt having a religious decent person as a husband, whats the point of gettin married,its more likely everyone gets what they want except me, Allah hu alim, but i was so angry and upset last night, and my mentality to things aint good on islam, marriage, friendship... just dont cre
Allah SWT help me Inshallah.Ameen
plz help
Jazakallah khair

[mathematician]

'alaykum salam sister,
The first thing you should note is if you don't feel anything when you pray that is not so bad. In fact it can be a good thing. It gives you a chance to pray for Allah and not to seek for the pleasure you get from praying. When one offers prayers it must be to please Allah even if there is nothing in return for you. Otherwise you are not really praying for Allah but for yourself. For yourself in the sense that you pray to get your own happiness. This may be an "ok" form of worship but the greatest form of worship is when you worship Allah to please Him and not you.

What you need to learn is reality sister. Having a "great husband" does not bring as much pleasure as your mind imagines. Marriage is not what you imagine. It may start that way but that's not how things go after some time. After some years of marriage it will become some normal thing must people don't feel much pleasure from. That's the reality of pleasure in this world. That's the major difference between pleasures of Jannah and this world.
In Jannah, a couple will love each other's company every single second and their love will increase time after time. In this world, people will have big feelings for each other in the beginning, but slowly that disappears and people may start wishing they married somebody else for example. They may not express it but it's a reality of this life.
Haven't you ever wished for something thinking it will do all these miracles for you in terms of happiness, and then when you got it it was not even true? Each of us wishes for things and then we get some of them realizing they bring very little pleasure compared to what we imagined.
Those experiences are supposed to be lessons for you to apply to things you cannot get at the moment. So realize that what you imagine and what is reality are completely different, and most of the time what you imagine is not true at all.

The way to heal yourself is to listen to others when they speak about reality vs. imagination, to come to realization that what others have that you think brings them some form of paradise in this world is just not true,
I can guarantee you that there are millions of people out there that don't have even half of the things you have. But you know some of those people are probably a lot happier than you are because they don't look at what they don't have. Instead they appreciate what they have, thank God for it, and feel lucky for those little blessings.
You sister should be one of those people. :)
If you want you can send me a private message and discuss this further. The good
news is with some effort you will insha'Allah come to realization that you have so much to be happy for, and when you come to that realization you will thank Allah for it not from your lips, but from your heart. Few people are that lucky. Thanking Allah with one's heart will bring Allah's pleasure to you, and then you can tell me if there is anything out there that is better than having Allah's pleasure? :)
I hope this helps. Blessed be Allah.

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:


Anonymous, think about it, how do you know your prayer hasn't been answered by Allah? It might be that when u made the request, Allah accepted it without u knowing, and when its your time for marriage, Allah will have shown you that your dua has been accepted?


Try to do this, try to make du'a more often to Allah so you have a stronger connection with Him, ask Him for even for the smaller things in life. If these smaller things in life get answered to - that will increase you in your trust in Allah, and then you're getting a sign that even the bigger du'as have been accepted insha Allah.


Your security comes from Allah, so ask Him for strength. I used to be so unconfident in the past, but i prayed to Allah to help me, and now i'm way more confident. But this never happened straight away, i faced some things in life which made me more confident. So it might be that this sadness of yours may be the cause for your strength in the near future insha Allah. It might be that these feelings of sadness are preparing you so that you can face similar problems if they were to come up in the future. This is then a sign that you have become stronger.


So keep your trust in Allah, He's strengthening you without you even knowing it. Ask Allah for a good partner, and He will give you one. Don't stress too much about things which you have no control over. Focus on now, think of ways which will make you more secure and stronger now, so you can build up for the future insha Allah. Then, when something happens in the future - you already know how to react, you're strong enough for it, and Allah will aid you for more future events.

[AnonymousPoster]

Salams,

thanks for your replies, i just wana be happy for ma friends , you know when they get married, i will feel insecure, i dont know how to be happy for others, as am so caught up wid ma worries, marriage, i dont know when it will be, everyone dreams abt it, nuffins perfect, but i aint asking for a prince..lol, God forgive me for being like that, i just feel that ma hopes and dreams aint coming true, i hope this aint true, its more likely ma friends get what they want.
Allah hu alim, may he make me strong Inshallah
anyways am just caught up wid Exam stress at the mo, Inshallah will sort this...
Wsalam

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[ahmed_indian]

salaam alaikum,

almost nobody gets everything they wish (including me). it is not necessary that all your friends will get everything and you nothing.have you not seen many people with big homes, cars, friends but no happiness?

this life is a test....if you want to dream; dream of Allah's pleasure and jannah. in paradise, you'll get everything you wish for!

if you'll look people below you, then you'll be able to recognise Allah's favour upon you. eg. u have friends but there are many with no frnds to talk to!

keep praying to Allah for faith, sabr, good husband. bcoz Allah Has power over all things

[AnonymousPoster]

salams

salaam alaikum,

almost nobody gets everything they wish (including me). it is not necessary that all your friends will get everything and you nothing.have you not seen many people with big homes, cars, friends but no happiness?

this life is a test....if you want to dream; dream of Allah's pleasure and jannah. in paradise, you'll get everything you wish for!

if you'll look people below you, then you'll be able to recognise Allah's favour upon you. eg. u have friends but there are many with no frnds to talk to!

keep praying to Allah for faith, sabr, good husband. bcoz Allah Has power over all things

Jazakallah khair, its just an insecurity of Qadar,, u know, i feel compared?? How do u stop comparing yourself with others, i wana learn as its breaking me apart, my self esteem, confidence and is affecting my friendship.

[mathematician]

salam sister. I wanted to reply to your private message but it turns out I cannot
do that because I don't have 50 posts. So I will give the reply here.
'alaykum salam sister,
I have to ask. How old are you? As you get older you will
become much better at dealing with your issues. :)
What good things do you have in your life? Make a list. Tell me about all the good things you have in your life.
Your negative attitude could also be because of the people around you. Do you have friends that tell you things like "Oh so-and-so is so beautiful. She can get any guy in the world she wants."
It could be that the people around you say good things about others and not you and that makes you feel like you don't have much.
Let me know about what I said and then I can say more.
wa sallam.

[Yanal]

Sister do not feel unsecured when you are connecting with your lord,with a perfect religion you will face side effects such as struggles that may seem at times that Allah has turned away from you when that is not true,he is just testing your patience because Sabr=Paradise,without patience how will u wait your turn on the day of Judgement? And how will you wait to meet the blessed Prophets? You need patience and that is what Allah is trying to bring into you.

[roohani.doctor]

One thing I would tell you from me own experience. Never expect too much from the pleasures of this dunya. Our fate is in the hands of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala.

I used to be like you sis. Sometimes I still fall in that trap and wonder why I'm the one being 'left out'. Will I ever have a husband who will love me for me? Then I catch myself. Because these desires that I wish for are Satan's way of messing with me. Cuz he knows my week points. He knows what will lead me to sin. YES, we all are humans and we NEED to feel loved and cared for. But should we waste our time wishing for the future that may never come?

What I am trying to say sis, is that, convince yourself that you are just as worthy of love as your friends are, and one day INSHA'ALLAH you will marry the man of your dreams. But till that day comes, spend your time in optimism, in happiness, in peace with your creator. Be thankful of your family, of your friends and love yourself for who you are. One good way is a pretty much a cliche, but --> every night, make a list of everything you did that you liked about yourself and what you did that you did not like, and try to change the bad stuff. I've personally not done this but have known people who have and it helped them. Try to weed the bad things out.

Like I said, I was once where you are. I understand the emotional struggles you go through everyday, and I feel your pain. You said you feel as if your hopes and dreams dont come true. Be patient, sister. Allah has planned different steps for us that we must go through in this life. Each individual has different tests they must pass. No ONE's life is exactly the same. Instead of being angry/upset over some wish that did not come true, know that maybe Allah has something much better planned for you.

Changing the way you think will not be easy. Lots of tears will be involved. I've had my share of them. But at the end, you will be a different person. Your goal should be to make YOURSELF happy. Do not 'wait' for a husband impatiently, instead this is gonna sound really really tacky and very lame so I apologise in advance,:-[:-[ but write him letters. *red* I used to do that when I had hit rock-bottom. Its a way of self-therapy. lol. It DOES work though. Just pour your heart out. Write whatever comes to mind. Imagine he is in front of you, what would you tell him? Yell at him too - always works. This way you feel like he does exist more in reality. Obviously dont create a fictional character and mix reality and fantasy.

On a more sensible side, PRAY to Allah. At least you are praying. I used to think that if I dont feel anything, then what is the point in praying? So I stopped for a long long time. :cry::cry::cry: The choice is never ours. Allah has ordered us to pray. How can we sit idle while the Azan is ?ringing? (not sure wut word to use here, ringing is probably the worst).

Exam stress is very annoying. And exhausting.

If you need to rant, PM me. I am always ready to listen. I wish you the best of luck in your exams/future studies.

May Allah bless you with happiness, contentment and success. Ameen. :statisfie

[AnonymousPoster]

thanks for the reply people, i really appreciate it ,i have been thinking about this. its hard to change ones mindest, and mines negative at the mo, i just cry... Allah SWT help me...
am not too young and @university and i should be able to deal with these situations. but am finding it difficult..

good points :
alhamduillah i like ma personality, but it does have flaws, am too sensitive, and not confident.
i feel i have to constantly compare wid others and hurt maself. i take the aggression out on ma mates, if they have sommat i don't. thats wrong, but cant help feeling it. i feel that this world /qadar is not fair. some of us get what we want and others dont.. i feel am the one who may not get what she wants, Allah hu alim, i do hope Allah swt answers ma duas too. am scared.
i have good friends, family, alhamduillah am studying, i hope inshallah i can make a difference using may skills. i wear hijab, even that can be a challenge...so yeah i need some help on this.
Hope u can help, God Forgive me 4 ma anger/mistakes.

Jazakallah khair