Will the lovers of this World unite in the Aakhirah?

[Ali_008]

:sl:
Last year, a girl of my class fell in love with me and she expressed her feelings to me and consequently I fell in love with her as well. We started having a relationship and were madly in love with each other but in the mean time by the end of the year we had a HUGE fight. We were really great friends before falling in love. Our friendship was very different from the kind of friendship boys and girls usually have. We use to respect each other a lot and we didn't even realize when this respect changed into love. The way both of us behaved during the fight, we never in our wildest imaginations thought that we could have a conversation in that tone. But things became real ugly. I was deep in grief and much stressed and so I did Istikhara to see if this she's the one for me and Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the result the very next day itself and the result was NEGATIVE. But even after that I couldn't let her go. Though we were fighting everyday like wild beasts, we won't let each other go and finally there came a time when I recognized that this relationship is hurting me in every way (mostly spiritually) so with all my might and inconceivable strength I broke up with her. The next day she was gonna fly out of the country to stay with her parents. Eventually we couldn't see each other's faces for two months but meanwhile we were in touch through email and chatting. I missed her a lot after the break-up and she was in a worse situation than me. We realized during those two months that we really really really love one another and can't live without each other in our lives but again we had an awesomely terrible fight one day in those two months and later that night she did Istikhara and HER RESULT WAS ALSO NEGATIVE.

My problem starts here. Even though we gave enough reasons to hate each other, we couldn't. Though the Istikhara results showed us Allah's will but destiny never allows us to stay apart. One way or the other, we keep crossing our ways. We still love each other very much though we don't intend to marry. Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Both of us are pious Muslims and we love Allah and do not wish to rebel against him by going ahead with this marriage. So its quite clear that she will marry some other guy and I'll be marrying someone else. From the past few days, we've been wondering about our marriage in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) if possible. So what I want to know is this :

We love each other like crazy but aren't gonna marry for we don't intend to go against Allah so can we expect to get married in the Aakhirah (Inshallah)? Though we'll get married to different people in this world Inshallah but can the two of us hope that Allah will unite us in the next world (Inshallah) ???

Alhamdulillah, having this optimism towards our union in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) has been really helpful and both of us are happy. I just want to know if having this kind of hope is allowed in Islam. All kinds of advice is welcome. Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

[AnonymousPoster]

We still love each other very much though we don't intend to marry. Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Both of us are pious Muslims and we love Allah and do not wish to rebel against him by going ahead with this marriage.

so won't marry.

Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

n can't leave.

hmm. :ermm:

u have 3 possible options here:

1) Completely leave each other and make a new life

2) Marry each other.

3) Neither marry, nor leave.

The first two options are allowed, but the third one is completely disallowed (in Islam).

In trying to do option 1, and avoiding option 2 [because u believe its rebelling against Allaah], the shaytaan is making u falling into option 3. And that is the option which is, in reality, disobeying Allaah ! :skeleton: Not option 1 or 2.

For two people who are pious and love Allaah, either they leave each other, or they marry each other. Because in Islam, there is no in between way. I know it is hard, but you must make a decision and stick with it. Seek help from Allaah, may He :arabic2: make it easy for you and help u both to make a decison which will be good for your life in this world and the next.

[piXie]

We love each other like crazy but aren't gonna marry for we don't intend to go against Allah

How is getting married going against Allaah and rebelling against Him? Have the results of your istikhara now changed the shari'ah and made ur marriage to her haram/forbidden? :?

Please see this thread:

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html

Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc

Brother, what other advice can we give then, except that u should marry her? :-\

[Sari]

This is very similar to what happened to me just now and what i asked. See my thread below in this section.
I've broken up with my guy and it's hurting. But there's nothing i can do, i just know it wouldn't work for us and would hurt other people, but i still love him. I was also wanting to be with him in the hereafter and holding onto that hope, but i will ofcourse have to marry someone else, and he will too, so i don't think it would be right for me, or you, to hold onto that hope. I really don't know.. Allah knows best and will reward us for what we sacrifice Inshallah..

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[Sahabiyaat]

You know this thing about 'oh well meet in jannah (and i will slap ur hoor if she tries to make a move cuz ive waited a lifetime for you'), etc etc.....is just consolation...

man is a wretched thing, and requires immediate gratification, otherwsie he loses all sense.

So what you need is a solution for now!

btw what were your arguments about. Maybe then we can give better advice.

[S_87]

:sl:

Muhammed :arabic5: said:
We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.
Ibn Maajah


There is no point in you carrying on with each other if you dont think you can marry, however with isthikara, you pray isithakara after making ur decision, consult with people and then marry.
You will be disobeying Allah if you both marry someone else and still continue your relationship, but you would not be disobeying Allah if you married????

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

Alhamdulillah, having this optimism towards our union in the Aakhirah (Inshallah) has been really helpful and both of us are happy. I just want to know if having this kind of hope is allowed in Islam. All kinds of advice is welcome. Don't give advice like maintain distance, don't talk to each other, don't see each others faces etc etc... because we've tried every thing we could think of to let go of each other but ultimately we came back to each other. Please help.

even though you asked, im still gna say it: STAY AWAY from each other. whats gna happen next if you don't?

why cant you marry each other, btw...

[Ali_008]

:sl:
Brothers and sisters
thank you fro your precious advice but i just can't go ahead with marriage especially after the Istikhara results. I do respect you guys' opinion but Allah has shown me the way and I can't go in some other direction. Both the girl and I've come to terms with the fact we're not destined for each other and we're just hoping that Allah accepts our sacrifice and immortalizes our love in that immortal world.

To give a lil more details, she already had a fiance when she fell in love and couldn't get rid of that guy later and so it is kind of a two-timing story and my mom absolutely hates her because in all this my life was under threat twice. Like I said we gave enough reasons to hate each other but couldn't.

ONE MORE THING I FORGOT TO MENTION is that I did Istikhara again two weeks ago but this time I asked Allah whether I should stay friends with her or bring an end to this painful love/friendship and this time the result was positive. ITS LIKE WE'RE DESTINED TO BE FRIENDS MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT NOT TO GET MARRIED.

Of course both of us know that we'll have to be awesome husband and wife to our respective spouses to enter Jannah and we really intend to be that but still the fact we won't be together spoils every happiness that we have.

[mathematician]

brother salamu 'alaykum,
Maybe everybody else is trying to be nice here but I will tell you exactly
how I see it. It may hurt your feelings but brother you seriously need to wake up
and most importantly grow out of it.
I think a part of you is finding all the excuses in the world to commit a sin with
this woman. You are going as far as using istikhara as an excuse to commit a sin.
Astaghfirullah. Brother, Allah will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER lead you to be a friend with a woman but not marry her. That's just the evil part of you that is making you think Allah is doing that.
Forget istikhara and use common sense. Use logical reasoning. If you really want this woman then marry her. Follow your heart. If you don't and you have doubts then move on with life. I don't think you are destined for anything here. You are creating all these illusions to find an excuse to commit a serious sin that you will both regret.

You CANNOT make istikhara and believe that what your heart tells you after istikhara comes from Allah if you have already made up your mind to commit a grave sin. I don't know if you will see it that way but that is exactly what is going on here.

[Sister_22013]

Well, to answer your question, I may be wrong but I think the woman, in akhirah is married to her last husband from dunya. I remember a story of a sahabi who was advised not to marry after her stern husband passed away because he was pious so their union in akhirah would elevate her in the level of Janah she would reach (since husband and wife are in same Jannah)

The man is married to all of his wives. But, like I said, I'm not sure.

I can't give you any advice because you don't wan to hear it.

Waalaikumsalam

[Snowflake]

Ali:thank you fro your precious advice but i just can't go ahead with marriage especially after the Istikhara results.

As far as I know you dont wait for 'result's but proceed with your plans and if it is bad for you, Allah will turn you away from it and if it is good for you He will make it easy for you. It's also recommended to consult people with wisdom about your decision.


The following is taken from a link on another post on this forum (http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html)

After performing Salatul Istikharah , one should consult wise people and assess the situation to see how it might affect his deen (religion) and dunya. (life). Then he should choose the one that seems to be more beneficial, having firm belief that Allah will either bless his decision and make it easy for him to achieve what he desires, if it is good for him, or Allah will place obstacles in his path in order not to achieve what he desires. In the latter case, the person should be satisfied with the outcome, whatever it is, and commit his affair to Allah hoping for reward in the Hereafter. He should know that Allah does not decide except through His Divine wisdom and truth, even if it does not seem to us this way. Glory be to Him! We only know what He has taught us.
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1119503545484

[Ali_008]

Like Sari's problem (Sister, I completely understand how wretched and painful situation you are in) there's more than just Istikhara to it. I know brothers and sisters that your advice is in my best interest and you want to prevent me from falling into Zina but its the endless love that almost kills me when I part myself from her. I love her a lot, I love her a lot and even though we didn't even see each other's faces for two months we still needed each other just the same or even more. I turned to IslamicBoard because I'm very upset and I don't know what to do.

Even if we decide to part ways, it'll be easier for me than her because I can hope to find that perfect wife for me but she'll have to marry her fiance. And that mistreated her, didn't give her anytime and always gave her 2nd or 3rd preference. I want her to be happy but somewhere deep down inside myself I know that their marriage will give her more pain for dozens of reasons.

She loves me no less than I love her. The two months we weren't seeing each other's faces, she couldn't have peaceful sleep for even one night.

There's more than Istikhara, my mom hates this girl and her fiance is thirsty for my blood. We're still together because I think we're just trying to postpone this pain of seperation.
My basic question was can we expect each other in the Aakhirah if we're forgiven, Inshallah??

I also read this e-book "Maidens of Paradise" from the following link and in that book there's a hadeeth that a man of Jannah will marry the hoor-ul-ayn, virgins and previously married women from this world, though the author in the introduction itself made it clear that there isn't enough authentic Islamic literature on this subject and I don't know whether that Hadeeth is even Saheeh or not.
http://www.islamicboard.com/islamic-...llaah-pdf.html

I also posted this question on IslamQA.com and I'm just waiting for the answer.

[Ali_008]

I want her to be happy and I know that her fiance is just not the right guy for her.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
thank you fro your precious advice but i just can't go ahead with marriage especially after the Istikhara results.

but your going to go ahead and remain "friends." riiight

I want her to be happy and I know that her fiance is just not the right guy for her.

says you, and you're oh so in love with her. flips sake, where do you get off taking another guys girl. how would you like it if you were engaged to someone, only for her to cheat on you? or for someone to take that girl away from you?!

taking into considering how much you love each other what happens if you stay "friends." how do you know that it isn't going to go further (not suggesting anything thing here, just advising) if you cant control your self in not becoming "friends" then what makes you sure that your gna control your self in other ways. subhanallah, Islam puts these barriers for a reason, don't destroy them by destroying yourself.

[Sahabiyaat]

oh...so u stole her...sorry to put it blandly bro, but no wonder your istikhkara came out negative.I know it must upset you to think that she might be mistreated by her fiance, thats tough.

and i can understand why you would want to keep in some form of contact, even if its a salam, because you loved her so much,..but beleive me bro, things change, other people/ situations come into ur life, and slowly you start to forget what was before. Its just that whole period of forgetting which is so difficult! and your only making it more difficult for yourself :) by dragging it on longer. You have Allah's verdict, so now apply it and have immense patience.

You need to break it off asap, for your goood and hers, and dnt wrry about her, Allah will look after her as he will look after you, just pray she is treated well.delete her number, email etc, make sure u dnt bump into her friends etc...just stay away from her.It will be tough, but your doing whats right and you will be rewarded.

All the best.

[Ali_008]

Sisters, I didn't steal her. Like I said, she fell in love with me and consequently I fell as well. She assured me that she had broken up with her fiance but the truth was something else but all that is past. Is it my fault that I was able to give her more happiness just being a friend than her fiance? We respected each other a lot, we could never even imagine that we could be in a relationship let alone marriage. Yesterday I even started considering marriage all over again after reading you guys' responses. So now I'm in a new dilemma like is it allowed in any condition to against the Istikhara?

[S_87]

dear brother, a few posts have already told you that the condition of istikhara is not a dream or feeling, read them for the proper way and ruling of it. You make your decision, pray istikhara and go forward in what you plan to do.
if this girl is not engaged and you want to stay in contact with her, the halal way for that is marriage. Go forward and propose to her wali and inshaAllah you will be blessed with what is good for you in this world and the hereafter

[SadiaMinallah]

:sl: brothers and sisters, your replies anyway do not answer the main question. This person seems to be deeply in love with the girl. Somehow, the circumstances do not favour their marriage and the isthikhara results are negative. The guy just wants to know if the two lovers will unite in the akhirah or not. Even if he may leave her in this world which is nothing in comparison to the hereafter, is it right to hold on to the faith that Allah(swt) will unite them in return to the sacrifice he is giving in this world towards the guidance Allah(swt) gave him through isthikhara?

[S_87]

:sl: brothers and sisters, your replies anyway do not answer the main question. This person seems to be deeply in love with the girl. Somehow, the circumstances do not favour their marriage and the isthikhara results are negative. The guy just wants to know if the two lovers will unite in the akhirah or not. Even if he may leave her in this world which is nothing in comparison to the hereafter, is it right to hold on to the faith that Allah(swt) will unite them in return to the sacrifice he is giving in this world towards the guidance Allah(swt) gave him through isthikhara?

its not as simple as that sister.

As stated several times istikhara is not a positive negative something

Also, he said he'd marry someone else but remain friends with her and she the same-THAT is the problem....How is it fair on each of their spouses to know that the person they married and have kids with dont love them? or have hopes of being united in the aakhirah with someone other than them?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Sisters, I didn't steal her. Like I said, she fell in love with me and consequently I fell as well. She assured me that she had broken up with her fiance but the truth was something else but all that is past. Is it my fault that I was able to give her more happiness just being a friend than her fiance? We respected each other a lot, we could never even imagine that we could be in a relationship let alone marriage. Yesterday I even started considering marriage all over again after reading you guys' responses. So now I'm in a new dilemma like is it allowed in any condition to against the Istikhara?

if she cheated on her first finace, what makes you think she isnt going to do it to you either :-/

[anonymous]

.......but Allah has shown me the way and I can't go in some other direction.

He has shown you the way through the Qur'an and Sunnah - when you don't follow that way how can you be following this?

ONE MORE THING I FORGOT TO MENTION is that I did Istikhara again two weeks ago but this time I asked Allah whether I should stay friends with her or bring an end to this painful love/friendship and this time the result was positive. ITS LIKE WE'RE DESTINED TO BE FRIENDS MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT NOT TO GET MARRIED.

In islam, there is no such thing as "destined to be friends" - u either marry her or you get married to someone else and stay away from her

i'm sorry if this is harsh

but thats what it is

whether you like it or not

you seem like a confused teenager to me

try and gain advice from a mature and learned person in islam

subhanAllah

:salamext:

[mathematician]

its not as simple as that sister.

As stated several times istikhara is not a positive negative something

Also, he said he'd marry someone else but remain friends with her and she the same-THAT is the problem....How is it fair on each of their spouses to know that the person they married and have kids with dont love them? or have hopes of being united in the aakhirah with someone other than them?

Very well said amani. I don't think SadiaMinallah appreciates the dangers of what this young man is about to get himself into in terms of punishment of Allah. The brothers and sisters here are trying to wake up this young man. When doing that it is natural not to directly answer a question that comes from immaturity.

[true believer]

salam, u dnt want to go against allah? brother, but u already have by dating :S and being in a relationship with this girl. anyway this alone kinda kills da hope for the future cos u STARTED this haramly. and allah forbids dating therfore u HAVE already gone against allah. sorri but u need to realise this. anyway what is done is done.

another thing is that the prayer for u guys come out negative...for her also. den u fight all the time it seems. brother, i think everythin is for a reason, the reason that u guys fight all the time and stuff is because what u doing is wrong and by doing this...u r goin against allah. therefore the relationship is doomed. for ur own sake, i think u need to stop listenin to shaytan that this thing is love, cos to be honest, its ur own desires winning out against what is morally right in islam. for ur own sake brother, just repent for the zina u commited and let this go before it consumes u. dnt take ma comments the wrong way brother, no disrespect intended. i wish for u to open ur eyes for allah's sake thats all.

[Sampharo]

Dear Ali,

I will not speak to you about what is correct in Islam, that has been already told to you by your good brothers and sisters here, I will speak to you from the point of compassion towards your obvious pain and try to get you to see things for yourself. This compassion however does not mean I will be soft and kind with my words, on the contrary I think you might find me harsh.

First of all, you are always responsible for your actions, and yours alone. When you mentioned that fight and spoke of how it got ugly, you obviously included yourself in that desription. Right? Then, you still stayed within contact distance dispite the arguments and the cat scratching you two seem to do to each other emotionally. So now you know this is bad for you? Good, now the girl happens to still be engaged to another man. Well? Now you need to ask YOURSELF, do you think any of us here can honestly tell you: yeah, sure, continue to be friends? Do you honestly believe that any rational mind can rationalize it? To tell you to stay friends with a girl you will not marry, commiting haraam, to continue hurting yourself emotionally (and apparently physically as you mentioned your life was threatened twice) in this irregular wrong relationship, to ask God to do something which is not done and that is to bring together two kids in the afterlife when they hurt each other, and most of all and I am surprised it didn't come up earlier: Go against what your mother has forbidden?

Aside from that, you performed istikhara, on both sides, and it came out negative but later on you made istikhara about friendship and it came out positive. I don't understand WHAT you mean by negative or positive the very next day, that's not how istikhara works! Can you explain a bit here?

[Ali_008]

:sl:

Thank You Thank You Thank you

Jazakallah Khair Jazakallah Khair Jazakallah Khair Dear Brothers and Sisters

I've learned a lot from all this. I'm really thankful to all of you for showing interest in this matter. Dear Brothers and Sisters, The number of mistakes that you guys pointed out in me are relatively less than what I know I've committed. I know I've done wrong, I've hurt a lot of people in all this but mostly unintentionally. What you guys have written here are absolute facts and definitely almost half of them have crossed my mind in the past but I let love took over me with such madness that I had turned a blind eye to all this. If I just keep ignoring the truth then it doesn't become false. What you guys wrote here literally confirmed the doubts I had at the back of my head. May Allah bless all of you with Jannat-ul-Firdaus for having helped this distressed brother of yours.

When this relationship started, I had a lot to lose and I DID LOSE A LOT BUT NOT EVERYTHING and for that I'll ever be greatful to Ar-Rahim, The Most Merciful. In all this the biggest lost I had was the weakening of my faith because I wasn't loving Allah but someone else and I'm working on repairing the damage.

I have nothing else to say. Alhamdulillah I've been able to see the light of day finally. Inshallah, I'll not just take the better but the best decision possible for me and her. One thing I'd like to request from all of you is to remember this "Ali_008" and his beloved in your duas.

Jazakallah Khair

[Sampharo]

Bismillahi Masha Allah. Al Hamdulillah that you have been guided and no one has guided you other than God, Allah -SAW-. We are glad that our words were tools in this and hope that you find peace and happiness. I will remember you in my dua'a insha Allah, you remember us in yours too. :)

[mathematician]

well brother Ali, you haven't shared with us what you plan to do now.
If you chose to marry that woman then may Allah bring the best out of your marriage.
If you are going to keep away from her, then may Allah replace it with something better (and yes He will!!). Allah always does business like that. You give up something haraam that may be even small and then it pleases Him to the extent that He takes it upon Himself to reward His slaves.
It may not be something in this world, but when you meet your Maker you will insha'Allah realize how much good this will bring for you.
Keep in touch.

[Ali_008]

I am not gonna marry her for the aforementioned reasons. I'll separate myself from her but not all of a sudden as that way it has never worked but one step at a time. Inshallah both of us will find peace soon.

[true believer]

I am not gonna marry her for the aforementioned reasons. I'll separate myself from her but not all of a sudden as that way it has never worked but one step at a time. Inshallah both of us will find peace soon.

mashalla, i hope it goes well for u bro. dnt give up...allah will bring u the one u supposed to be with when ur probably not even looking, and dat someone allah has chosen may not be who U've chosen. (think bout dat), in the MEAN TIME>>>just focus on ur deen or somethin. peace x