Mixed-Race Marriages...

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum

Just something I was thinking about.

Do you think Mixed-Race marriages are more likely to fail than those marriages that take places between people of the same race? I dont mean they'd fail in their own right but compared to the latter type of marriage.

Yes...No...maybe? Thoughts please insha'Allah...

Bearing in mind a Mixed-Race marriage would place a great deal of stress on the couple and their relationship...family, in laws, cultural differences/barriers etc

WassalamuAlaykum

[piXie]

:w:

It all depends. I don't know the statistics. :p

[Re.TiReD]

:w:

It all depends. I don't know the statistics. :p

Well I got some good news piskel....I'm askin what you think....no need for stats insha'Allah :p

[Tony]

If Allah is in the marriage it makes no different, my wife is Turkish and we are not compatable inmost senses, but even with her temper and my stubborness we have been together 8 yrs, have two kids and even tho we fight like cat and dog, She is the only one for me, she gave me two kids and even tho I wouldnt tell her I would rather die than be without her. Allah bought us together and that cannot be disputed with. Subhan Allah

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[S_87]

yup it really all depends on the couple, race will only become a problem if the couple want to make it a problem. both just have to work at it :wub:

[piXie]

I'm askin what you think

U mean... like my opinion? :p

[ragdollcat1982]

God does not prohibit mixed race marriages. The criteria is that marriage must be between believers.

[Re.TiReD]

U mean... like my opinion? :p

D'oh!

Puttar I know you know what I mean so get on with it yaaaaar <_< ;D

TKTony - JazakAllah khayr akhee

Amanu - Obviously its not the couple who would want to make it an issue, they want to marry afterall. Its just the pressures from family and the fact that one or both of the families might disown their children and ... The stress might get too much and .. Allahu A'lam :skeleton:

[S_87]

Amanu - Obviously its not the couple who would want to make it an issue, they want to marry afterall. Its just the pressures from family and the fact that one or both of the families might disown their children and ... The stress might get too much and .. Allahu A'lam :skeleton:

that sucks :cry: and is hard, but again if the couple want to focus on that then its gonna suck it all up eventually. but even then inshaAllah it can still work because in a way the couple have only each other and cant turn to their families who have disowned them lol. It reallllly depends from one case to another but culture should not be a breaking point for marriage

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

AssalamuAlaykum

Just something I was thinking about.

Do you think Mixed-Race marriages are more likely to fail than those marriages that take places between people of the same race? I dont mean they'd fail in their own right but compared to the latter type of marriage.

Yes...No...maybe? Thoughts please insha'Allah...

Bearing in mind a Mixed-Race marriage would place a great deal of stress on the couple and their relationship...family, in laws, cultural differences/barriers etc

WassalamuAlaykum

:sl:

Not fail, not even when compared to marriages of the latter type, but rather it'll require extra effort because of the extra factors between the couple as you mentioned. Marriages only fail when the two people aren't willing to give it the work, compromise, and work together, - factors that are constant and required in both types of marriages.

When it comes to cultural differences, the best people to advice you would be those in those marriages. Yet, as a general rule of thumb you should realize that certain things should probably be agreed upon before the marriage is done. Things such as, what language will the child speak, which country you'll vacation in more, which grandparents will the child be with more or how will time be distributed between them etc. They might look like small things now, but they have the potential to be turned into something that will cause fights between a couple.

So basically, what I'm saying is that certain things that you believe are important to you and the other side thinks is important to them, should be agreed upon now so that later when the things do crop up, you'll already have an agreement on how to proceed and you'll sail over them insha'allaah.

[Intisar]

:w: It takes a lot of compromise and patience, but just because the marriage is between two different races doesn't mean it will necessarily fail because all of the factors from a marriage within the same culture still come into play.

[muslimah4life]

i dont know

[Abu Sukkar]

Its a huge issue

One that has to be taken into consideration.

[piXie]

D'oh!

Puttar I know you know what I mean so get on with it yaaaaar <_< ;D

lol okay, in my humble opinion, there are four scenarios [starting from the one which will cause the most cultural barriers and differences to the one which will cause no cultural barriers and differences]:

Its important to understand this :p

1. A mixed race marriage, where both partners are used to a different culture. e.g. A Pakistani man who has lived all his life in Pakistan, marries an Arab lady who's lived all her life in an Arab country.

2. A same race marriage, where both partners are used to a different culture. e.g. A Pakistani man who's all his life lived in Pakistan, marries a Pakistani lady who's lived in the U.K all her life.

3. A mixed race marriage, where both partners are used to the same culture. e.g. A Pakistani man who's lived in the U.K all his life, marries an Arab lady who's also lived in the U.K all her life.

4. n lastly, a same race marriage, where both partners are used to, and have the same culture. e.g. Both are Pakistani and have lived all their lives in Pakistan.

Thus; sometimes it can be a mixed race marriage, but doesn't have much cultural differences or problems, and other times it can be a same race marriage, yet can have some cultural differences and problems....etc. Culture can play a big part in marriage, and it can cause serious complications, because you then have two things to get used to: The person you marry, and their culture. :ermm: And that is why many people prefer to marry from their own culture, because one problem already solved. It should also be noted that marriages between some cultures can cause more cultural problems than marriages between other cultures. Because some cultures have bigger differences between them than other cultures. e.g. the English culture and the Pakistani culture, have a bigger difference than there is between the Pakistani and Indian culture. In the English culture, its very rare to stay with the in-laws and large family systems, whereas in the Pakistani and Indian cultures, living with in-laws and in large family systems is quite common. And if someone is not used to that at all, it can cause a big problem. Also the country, the climate, food etc all matter, especially if it is extremely different from what you are used to, and totally alien to you.:skeleton: So these things have to be taken into consideration also, before choosing to marry someone from a different culture. Another very important thing, in my opinion, is to see, before getting married, especially if it is a girl who is getting married to someone from a culture wherein u marry the in laws too... is if the in-laws are accepting and happy to have her as part of their family. Because it will make life a hell lot easier. :-[ Having said all that, the criteria for a successful marriage is not whether u marry from the same culture or different, but rather, it depends on how much the couple follow Islam and fear Allaah, their commitment, compatibility, understanding, and love that they have in their marriage. :)

And Allaah :arabic2: knows best.

[Re.TiReD]

JazakAllahu Khayran....awesome replies.

Fankoo pixel :wub:

[Muezzin]

AssalamuAlaykum

Just something I was thinking about.

Do you think Mixed-Race marriages are more likely to fail than those marriages that take places between people of the same race? I dont mean they'd fail in their own right but compared to the latter type of marriage.

Yes...No...maybe? Thoughts please insha'Allah...

Bearing in mind a Mixed-Race marriage would place a great deal of stress on the couple and their relationship...family, in laws, cultural differences/barriers etc

WassalamuAlaykum

Only if you think the word 'race' also means 'species'.

[Re.TiReD]

Only if you think the word 'race' also means 'species'.

So we're both martians...Insha'Allah we'll be ok right? regardless of the fact that I'm from Saturn and he's from Neptune. I dont speak the language and dont wanna move their either, far too cold :><:

Khayr insha'Allah

[piXie]

JazakAllahu Khayran....awesome replies.

Fankoo pixel :wub:

How come they get 'JazakAllaah Khayran' and I get 'Fankoo'?

[Re.TiReD]

How come they get 'JazakAllaah Khayran' and I get 'Fankoo'?

JazakAllah Khayr was for all <_< you got a little extra, not forgetting the wub <_< sheeshness :><: :p

[piXie]

lol was messing. Time for me to disappear now. Remember me in du'aas :wub:

[Re.TiReD]

lol was messing. Time for me to disappear now. Remember me in du'aas :wub:

Without a doubt. Anti Hilwa =P

P.S Mods please dont delete this spam....Its probably been years since piXie spammed any :p

[جوري]

I think it is combining the best of both worlds.. I mean the whole point of races is that we learn from one another no? So Allah swt tells us in the Quran...

I don't believe that homogeneity keeps a marriage solid, because you'll always have things to argue about, might not be major but there nonetheless.. if you can't work on culture, then you will also not be able to work on personal habits.. br. 'Abd al-Rahman's post is an excellent one.. we can tell he is indeed ready for marriage...

hope he finds the one insha'Allah

:w:

[Re.TiReD]

hope he finds the one insha'Allah

:w:

Ameen :D

[Raudha]

^ true..

And Ameen to the dua :D

[Faseeha]

:sl:

I think mixed race marriages are a little harder to make work then marrying someone from the same culture, mostly because of the cultural differences.

I think that a family support system is really important so if marrying in a different culture means that your parents will disown you, then you should really think twice before doing so.

But if the parents are ok with it then its there's a few advantages, such as learning a new language, discovering interesting things about a different culture, etc.

[Woodrow]

All of my marriages and those of most of my family have been Mixed race. Up until my generation Divorce was unknown. None of my Aunts Uncles, Grand-parents etc had ever been divorced and all were mixed race marriages. There have been 3 or 4 divorces among the generation that is my Grand Childrens age but considering that is out of several hundred marriages, that isn't any higher and probably lower than the world average.

the only problem we ever had was at family reunions, at least one aunt would try to coordinate the color of the seating arraingments at the dinner table.. We looked like a plaid table cloth and my aunt wanted stripes I think.

I came from a somewhat large family with many cousins, aunts and uncles. Over-all we loved our diversity.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Wa alaykum us-Salaam

AssalamuAlaykum

Just something I was thinking about.

Do you think Mixed-Race marriages are more likely to fail than those marriages that take places between people of the same race? I dont mean they'd fail in their own right but compared to the latter type of marriage.

Yes...No...maybe? Thoughts please insha'Allah...

Bearing in mind a Mixed-Race marriage would place a great deal of stress on the couple and their relationship...family, in laws, cultural differences/barriers etc

WassalamuAlaykum

i don’t think it has anything to do with the culture, right? I thought if they are willing to marry outside their culture, then they have to be willing to put every effort into making their marriage work? The same probs that will exist in a same culture marriage will exist in a mixed raced marriage as well...in other words, your gna have problems crop up either way.

^That boils down to the couple themselves, but if we bring things like family (i.e things which are beyond the control of the couple themselves) then this is something else. It depends on what the family is like and what the person in the marriage wants/doesn’t want. So, the best thing to do i think, would be to speak to your potential before your married about things which concern you that you wouldn’t have control over once you’re married. cos once ya married, there's no way out :D

Things such as, what language will the child speak, which country you'll vacation in more, which grandparents will the child be with more or how will time be distributed between them etc.

Why on earth would someone care what language their kids spoke? I mean why can’t the child learn both languages :?...

[AhlaamBella]

I am in a mixed-race marriage and it does have its problems when we don't refer back to Islam. For example, I am from a culture where the women are protected and looked after i.e driven here and there so they don't have to get the bus. Family life is very important in the culture I was brought up in. However, in my husband's culture the women are very independent and family life of the wife tends to disappear after marriage. It gets very difficult and upsetting when we clash but InshAllah if we keep referring back to the rules of Islam all will be well InshAllah

[Hamayun]

:sl:

I am Indian and married to a French for 10 years. Alhamdulillah I couldn't have asked for a better life partner.

[ardianto]

Do you want to know good news and great news from mixed-race marriages between Indonesian and White people (Caucasian) ?.

Good news : Their kids are prety and handsome. No wonder if many of them become actor/actress or models.

Great news : Almost all of White people who married Indonesian Muslim or Muslimah becomes Muslim or Muslimah too.

[convert]

I have actually considered trying to find an Indonesian/Malaysian sister to marry as there seems to be faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar less of the nationalism and anti convert/white nonsense from their families. Trouble is, don't know any.

[ummsara1108]

Wow I asked this ? awhile back and got only neg reasponses, but i'm glad to see this isn't the case now. I am a proud woman married to a wonderful man for 14 yrs now we deff. come from oppisite sides of the earth. We have had our issues but were strong enough to successfully make it past them. Every yr together just brings us closer and it does get a bit easier as well, but that's just us, i'm not gonna sugar coat it, it is a very hard thing to do. But I believe my husband was brought almost 4000 miles to me for a reason, and i'm greatfull everyday!!!!

[ummsara1108]

Do you want to know good news and great news from mixed-race marriages between Indonesian and White people (Caucasian) ?.

Good news : Their kids are prety and handsome. No wonder if many of them become actor/actress or models.

Great news : Almost all of White people who married Indonesian Muslim or Muslimah becomes Muslim or Muslimah too.

Very nice quote....lol

[Clover]

I used to be against Inter-racial relationships, now...do what you wana do man. It's YOUR life, not anyone else's. If they wana call you names for loving someone who has a different skin color, then shame on them, and forgot them, you are you, and she or he, are she or he, thats all that matters. I like a black girl, and would do anything for her, I do not care that she's black, it's the fact that she is my friend. As I heard in a great movie

"When you're alone late at night in bed, just you and her under the covers, that's all that matters" -Sonny, A Bronx Tale. That's about a Italian kid who loves a black girl, and this is when racial tension was extremely high.

[ragdollcat1982]

I used to be against Inter-racial relationships, now...do what you wana do man. It's YOUR life, not anyone else's. If they wana call you names for loving someone who has a different skin color, then shame on them, and forgot them, you are you, and she or he, are she or he, thats all that matters. I like a black girl, and would do anything for her, I do not care that she's black, it's the fact that she is my friend. As I heard in a great movie

"When you're alone late at night in bed, just you and her under the covers, that's all that matters" -Sonny, A Bronx Tale. That's about a Italian kid who loves a black girl, and this is when racial tension was extremely high.

I used to be oppossed to them as well as I was brought up that it was a sin to marry outside ones race. Of course after reading the Bible (NT) that is not the case at all. What is important is that it is believers entering into the marraige.

[Yanal]

I would not be against it if the partner was to convert,then by all means it would be great to merge two heritages together and form to different families from different cultures into one. It would be fascinating and interesting for me.

[ragdollcat1982]

I would not be against it if the partner was to convert,then by all means it would be great to merge two heritages together and form to different families from different cultures into one. It would be fascinating and interesting for me.

I am 3/4 Irish and my husband is of Welsh ancestry so we share different but similar orgins. I would prefer that my son marry someone of Irish or British descent, but I would rather him marry a decent religious woman whatever her skin color.

[Yanal]

Exactly what I am trying to say! Ditto! Religious over other stuff. Everyone should understand tht concept.

[Clover]

I wouldn't really care my girl's religion, as long as she didn't hate mine, and she wasn't worshipping one of the draconian lords, where you sacrifice your husband, or anything like that.

[AhlaamBella]

I wouldn't really care my girl's religion, as long as she didn't hate mine, and she wasn't worshipping one of the draconian lords, where you sacrifice your husband, or anything like that.

Ah yes that would be important to know lol

I think if you are both the same religion but different culture, the religion will always bring you together InshAllah

[sats]

I am British and my husband is Arabic!

We argue all the time, I want to watch CNN and he wants to watch Aljazeera:D

I am blissfully happy with him and have learnt soo much from his culture. His family are wonderful, they accepted me with open arms, and lets face it that coudn't have been easy for them! We really don't have to work at the culture bit, as I love his culture:)

Best bit, is the Arabic food is yummy and all my friends love when I invite them to dinner.

Seriously though, I think that if couples have problems they would be there anyway, just a different set of problems.

[Zafran]

Salaam

Mixed race marriages are great -

peace

[Rabi'ya]

:sl: sister

Im a revet too :) Ive married a pakistani guy :) alhamdulillah we are really happy. The culture and food thing isn;t really an issue for us either. We learn from each other and besides marriage is a whole lot of compromise anyway :) We have a 2 year old daughter now and she learns his language as well as English and I think she has the best of both worlds :) InshAllah she'll be a very wise and culturally aware person :)

**Edit** I didnt realised I put all those smileys :P lol

[Muhaba]

I hope to marry an Arab guy. I've lived in Arab country most of my life so I hope I won't have any problems with getting used to his lifestyle.

[-Elle-]

Salam

Wow, I have been discussing this topic with nearly anyone I run into lately...and now here it is on LI.hehehe..

Firstly I ADMIRE mixed-race marriages...I love it when someone goes, "oh i'm half pakistani half arabic." I kind of do this face:


REALLY??:happy:

I used to be completly "pro" mixed-marriages"...but...lately I've been thinking it through and,well, I don't know, if it works for you, then go for it, but this is something you really need to think through. Like, let's say u were born and raised in the U.S, but you're originally from an arabic country, well that doesn't mean that you've forgotten your culture and adapt to the U.S lifestyle, and that marrying a pakistani(for example) will be extremely easy because he/she has lived the same way.

Chances are if your arabic,pakistani,indian,spanish,etc... your parents fought to keep your culture alive...so you'd have a connection as to where you came from. I think this is the reason why some families feel uneasy about their kid marrying someone from a different culture. You might still have family back home; it will be hard for both sides to interact (i.e language barriers,etc.) And,let's be truthful, ALOT of people still have ridiculous/judgemental opinions on this matter; its enraging but true..*sigh*.

And if having a big family where everyone knows/clicks with each other is important to you, then culture is something to consider. I'm not saying that some cultures won't click together,like I said, for some people, it can work perfectly, but for others, it might not. It's like...your grand-parents, what if they don't speak english all that well? How will they communicate with your husband/wife?or their family?


I don't know I admire it but in the end it's something that requires effort IMO.

[The Shah]

I used to be against Inter-racial relationships, now...do what you wana do man. It's YOUR life, not anyone else's. If they wana call you names for loving someone who has a different skin color, then shame on them, and forgot them, you are you, and she or he, are she or he, thats all that matters. I like a black girl, and would do anything for her, I do not care that she's black, it's the fact that she is my friend. As I heard in a great movie

"When you're alone late at night in bed, just you and her under the covers, that's all that matters" -Sonny, A Bronx Tale. That's about a Italian kid who loves a black girl, and this is when racial tension was extremely high.

do we have to pass the door test or the mario test lol :D only kidding great movie
sonny had 5 fingers but he only used 3

[- IqRa -]

i would be against it

[shock_proof]

Im all for mixed race marriages and definitely believe that they can work. No one is from one "pure" background we are all a mixture of everything. Im of South Asian descent whilst my partner is mixed race and I love learning about his culture and we like to share things and discuss things. However the down side is certain members of my family do not agree with marrying outside of your culture so I guess it could affect them but at the end of the day we're not harming them in anyway so really they should just learn to accept it.

[AbuSalahudeen]

:sl:

I'm not against mix marriages at all, but it not for everyone and one must take thier situation into account. If you think marrying this person would cause more harm than good, then one should re-assess the situation. What happens is a couple meet (sometimes not the proper way) they are from two different back grounds and make the commitment to marry, but one side would know it wouldn't work and would cause a uproar in the family. If you know its going to cause so much fitna do you really think its worth it. But like I said I'm not against it, but when we are young and naive we don't take all the different factors into account and just run with our hearts wit a zealous attitude.

I wouldn't personally marry outside my culture, and not because my family would not be happy about it. But because I want my wife to be able to communicate well with my family without any cultural or language barrier. Plus mashallah there are many good Somali sisters for me to choose from, inshallah may Allah bless us with a good wife, and protect us from crazy feminists.

[orin38]

are there any pitfalls to consider if a brother from the UK, of pakistani origin, was considering marrying a sister who has been raised and lives in egypt/syria? how difficult would it be for the sister to relocate to the UK?

[Layla454]

Doesn't matter what race you're from as long as the person is pious and of good character

[Ansariyah]

i would be against it

Why:muddlehea

[AntiKarateKid]

i would be against it

Eh? Why?

[Zafran]

i would be against it

I also want to know why???

[Al Ansari]

yup it really all depends on the couple, race will only become a problem if the couple want to make it a problem. both just have to work at it :wub:

Bismillah

I agree. My wife and I are not of the same race, however, it is not the race that shows its ugly head, but the differences in cultures that sometimes clash. However, you will never find a spouse that is exactly a clone of yourself. Compatibility is not what the couple has in common, but if their differences can be worked out.

However, one thingI would be against unless there was no alternative was interfaith marriages.

WaAllaahu alim.

[Woodrow]

Mixed race does not seem to pose any major problems as long as they are both of the same culture. Mixed culture seems to become an issue though. I do see some major issue developing in the future as people migrate and the culture changes over the generations.

A good example I see taking place in todays world is the formation of distinct Pakistan Cultures. The third generation Pakistan descendants living in the UK do seem to differ from the people of Pakistan and the third generation of people of Pakistan origin living in the USA diffe from both. This may cause problems in the future among people of Pakistan heritage intemarrying as each group does differ in culture. More arguements seem to develop when cultures have only minor differences. Major differences are visible and esily worked around, when the differences are slight, it seems major problems form.

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum

I havnt properly read any of these posts in a long time. I still cant define my feelings regarding the matter. But it all boils down to one thing, if you really want something to work...if something means so much to you, you could move mountains to make it work bi'ithnillah.

Differences divide us so much when they shouldnt really.

Several things though:

• If people gossip and talk just because you decided you want to marry outside of your culture, let them.
• If you ever find the process difficult and begin to regret making the decision, remember that attaining the things that mean the most to you will never be easy.
• When you talk to your parents, do it in a calm and rational manner.
• Your happiness DOES mean something, although parents does too...even though you wanna rebel you gotta remember the status of parents in Islam. Do NOT be rude to them.
• And last but not least...You only get one shot at this [Insha'Allah]...Make sure you're happy with the final decision and sure.

WassalamuAlaykum

[liya]

for me it doesnt matter as long as he is religious guy nd he respect my family nd my family loves him !! dats my opinion

[HinduIconoclast]

Personally for me, I am all for it. No matter what someone's race is, all that matters is if you love the person.

Also, racial religions like Hinduism and Judaism oppose inter-racial marriage in practice because they do not proselytize. But in Islam, all races are held equal and only faith, knowledge, and righteous conduct that make people better than others not race. So as Muslims (or fair people in general) everyone should allow inter-racial marriage.

[Somaiyah]

Salam,
No, it doesn't matter at all what "race" (I hate this word, really, we humen aren't divided into races like animals) you are for if the marriage will go well or not. The culture can sometimes be a little hard to deal with for both, but you can be a white person in Kuwait and a black person in Norway and then just have different cultures but the skin colours are the opposite for the countries normally. We're all humen, just different colours on a skale from white to beige to brown to black, but if doesn't make us different. And if the culture suddenly becomes a problem, that's another thing. And a married couple can deal with it inshallah, if they can't then it's between them that they couldn't fix it. But I believe that all problems can be solved...

[Samiira]

I think it depends on the couple and how much they are ready to invest in their marrige. One problem might be diffrent culture backgrounds.