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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 03:56 PM
i just wanted to see responces on this i plan on have 4 wives who are virgins is this wrong mindset i know i got permishion from allah has given green light but i just want to see what you think how would you feel if you had a family member with this mindset
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convert
05-27-2009, 03:59 PM
you have fun with that. i wouldnt give my daughter or sister to someone who wanted to have more than 1 wife.
Reply

glo
05-27-2009, 04:24 PM
Are you serious, Yusuf??

I can just about understand that a man might be married to one wife and then marry another, according to his circumstances.

But to start off with the intent of marrying 4 women? I mean, why??! :?
Are you sure you are not compensating for something or needing to inflate your male ego??
(No offence intended, but please explain your reasons to me, so I can even begin to understand ...)

Peace :)
Reply

yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Are you serious, Yusuf??

I can just about understand that a man might be married to one wife and then marry another, according to his circumstances.

But to start off with the intent of marrying 4 women? I mean, why??! :?
Are you sure you are not compensating for something or needing to inflate your male ego??
(No offence intended, but please explain your reasons to me, so I can even begin to understand ...)

Peace :)
so i can express myself freely and lead an islamic life at same time:thumbs_up
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:28 PM
I could not share my husband with another woman no matter what. For now I think I am going to stay a Christian and continue to learn more about Islam, but if I were a Muslim woman I would not want to be in a plural marriage type relationship.
Reply

convert
05-27-2009, 04:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
so i can express myself freely
oh boy.

from that comment, it shows you wouldn't even be able to handle 1 wife properly.

my thoughts:

im not gonna say i wont take more than 1 wife... i will say that i dont really see this happening. i doubt i would be able to treat them equally and i dont think i could put up with the stress. besides, im not even married yet (make dua for me) so its basically a moot point.
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
I could not share my husband with another woman no matter what. For now I think I am going to stay a Christian and continue to learn more about Islam, but if I were a Muslim woman I would not want to be in a plural marriage type relationship.
thats your call sister but i hope you will become a muslim inshallah and may god guide you to the staight path :)
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
so i can express myself freely and lead an islamic life at same time:thumbs_up
May i please ask how old you are, you strike me as a young person. What do you mean by express yourself freely? Carnally? Brother having more than one wife is a big responisbilty. You have to support each of them financiallty in the same manner and have to give equal affection and time. From what I have read on this subject in the QUran, while a man can marry up to four it seems to encourage marrying only one and every Muslim man I have personally met and I met many as a child because my uncle was a doctor, had only one wife .
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glo
05-27-2009, 04:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
so i can express myself freely
And that would be a euphemism for what exactly?? :rollseyes

Yusuf, can I ask you how old you are?
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 04:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
so i can express myself freely and lead an islamic life at same time:thumbs_up
:muddlehea

look foward to being single for the rest of your life, cuz no 4 women will agree to being your sex objects.

By you mentioning virgins in particular,this just means u want one thing from marriage , and marriage is far more than that.
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
And that would be a euphemism for what exactly?? :rollseyes

Yusuf, can I ask you how old you are?
A young man:)
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 04:37 PM
btw i take it u must be pretty rich to suppport these four virgins?
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
btw i take it u must be pretty rich to suppport these four virgins?
sister please dont take this as a offence i am alowed to do it if i want 2 but allah knows and yes i do have the funds for this
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
sister please dont take this as a offence i am alowed to do it if i want but allah knows
You have to support them all in the same manner and that can be costly, not to mention children from each wife. You cant put one up in a mansion and another in a shack.
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
You have to support them all in the same manner and that can be costly, not to mention children from each wife. You cant put one up in a mansion and another in a shack.
i would never marry more women if the first one doesnt want and who knows maybe the first is so good i dont need to marry allah knows best
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convert
05-27-2009, 04:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
sister please dont take this as a offence i am alowed to do it if i want 2 but allah knows and yes i do have the funds for this
somehow i doubt this. like i said, i wouldnt marry my daughter or sister to someone who wanted more than 1 wife.
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 04:43 PM
I am offended...your request is almost treating women as if they are objects.

like said before, i would yunderstand if a man married another woman after being married once, or if someone remarried for the purposes of giving security to a widow and her children, or even if he fell in love again with someone and just had to marry them for it to be halal.

But to have four virgins, your making your intentions very clear.
Allah has indeed allowed men polygamy, but you are abusing the reasoning
behind it.
Reply

yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:45 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
I am offended...your request is almost treating women as if they are objects.

like said before, i would yunderstand if a man married another woman after being married once, or if someone remarried for the purposes of giving security to a widow and her children, or even if he fell in love again with someone and just had to marry them for it to be halal.

But to have four virgins, your making your intentions very clear.
Allah has indeed allowed men polygamy, but you are abusing the reasoning
behind it.
my dear sister polgamy was alowed becouse allah the most high knows men more then you so he alowed men to marry up to 4 to do it halal way inshallah
Reply

ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
oh boy.

from that comment, it shows you wouldn't even be able to handle 1 wife properly.

my thoughts:

im not gonna say i wont take more than 1 wife... i will say that i dont really see this happening. i doubt i would be able to treat them equally and i dont think i could put up with the stress. besides, im not even married yet (make dua for me) so its basically a moot point.
Convert when I was in college I was friends with a young man from Kuwait. We talked once about us getting married so he could get his green card to stay in the US. I asked him if he planned on having more wives than just myself and he told me why would he go and do a thing like that. It would be bad enough having one nag at him, much less 4. He meant that literally and jokingly. But if you decided to take another wife and it bothered your first wife would you still go ahead and do it or would you choose not to do it as not to cause her anguish?
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
my dear sister polgamy was alowed becouse allah the most high knows men more then you so he alowed men to marry up to 4 to do it halal way inshallah

A muslim man should look to the example of Muhammed on this. He only married one virgin and I do not beleive Aisha was only 9, I think she was a teenager at least. His other wives were either divorced or widowed and these marriages were more of a humanitarian gesture.
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 04:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
my dear sister polgamy was alowed becouse allah the most high knows men more then you so he alowed men to marry up to 4 to do it halal way inshallah
ok

go for it.

You must be **** rich and good looking for you to have even contemplated this idea.


4 houses
4 cars
4 washing machines
4 tv's
...etc..

Lets see you do it. Good luck,,..youll be needing it.
Reply

yusuf18
05-27-2009, 04:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
ok

go for it.

You must be **** rich and good looking for you to have even contemplated this idea.


4 house
4 car
4 washing machine
4 tv's
...etc.. ill keep them in a big shack all of them

Lets see you do it. Good luck,,..youll be needing it.
ermm yes to the good looking part but the money is not mine its my dad so inshallah ill get it passed over and no i would go back home and take them their cost of liveing cheaper and how about

1houses
1 car
1 washing machine
1 tv
...etc..
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 04:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
somehow i doubt this. like i said, i wouldnt marry my daughter or sister to someone who wanted more than 1 wife.

You seem like a real mature gentleman. I think God will send you a mate in his own time.
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- Qatada -
05-27-2009, 04:53 PM
:salamext:


Bro, remember that you have to be fair and just with all of them. Otherwise there is a threat of punishment for the husband whose unjust to his wives.


Since you've never been married before (it seems this is the case) - then if you don't know how to treat one fairly, then to treat four will be extremely hard.

I remember reading an example of someone who brought watermelon for his two wives, so he cut it exactly in half, and then he tasted abit of each side to see if they were both the same level of sweetness etc.
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convert
05-27-2009, 04:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982
But if you decided to take another wife and it bothered your first wife would you still go ahead and do it or would you choose not to do it as not to cause her anguish?
thats just it, i wouldnt consider it unless it was extenuating circumstances, in other words: i had the means, the sister was widowed with children, AND my wife accompanied me during the whole process (i.e. she would have to be with me at all the meetings with the sister)

i can remember a couple girlfriends i had before i converted and dealing with them one was like slamming my head against a brick wall sometimes.
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ragdollcat1982
05-27-2009, 05:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
thats just it, i wouldnt consider it unless it was extenuating circumstances, in other words: i had the means, the sister was widowed with children, AND my wife accompanied me during the whole process (i.e. she would have to be with me at all the meetings with the sister)

i can remember a couple girlfriends i had before i converted and dealing with them one was like slamming my head against a brick wall sometimes.


That is good that you take this issue seriously. I just could not bare the thought of sharing my husband with another wife. I however could maybe do it if it was a widow, but not if he just wanted a younger wife.
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convert
05-27-2009, 05:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
the money is not mine its my dad
so, what youre saying is that you cannot support even 1 wife at the moment and you are waiting on your father to pass away (astaughfirullah) to get the means to do so?
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glo
05-27-2009, 05:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
i would never marry more women if the first one doesnt want
Well, that's a start! (Although in your first post you sounded pretty determined to marry 4 wives!)

... and who knows maybe the first is so good i dont need to marry allah knows best
So good?
So good at what??

You think that you need more than one wife to compensate for the things one wife alone may be lacking in?
Do you think the point of wives is to meet your every need and fulfill your evey desire?

Ask yourself, will you be able to meet the needs and desires of your wife - let alone four?? :?

Forgive me, brother, but you sound very immature! I hope that you will give yourself some time before entering into any marriage arrangements.

Peace
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Muezzin
05-27-2009, 05:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
i just wanted to see responces on this i plan on have 4 wives who are virgins is this wrong mindset i know i got permishion from allah has given green light but i just want to see what you think how would you feel if you had a family member with this mindset
Are you, like, loaded?

Seriously speaking, for 99.9% of men, one wife is more than enough.
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Intisar
05-27-2009, 05:29 PM
:sl: Well Allaah did permit it, I don't understand why people are making such a fuss over it. If his intention is pure, Allaah only knows, then we should be making du'a for him that Allaah SWT makes it easy on him to carry such a heavy load (but at the same time, a blessing).
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convert
05-27-2009, 05:35 PM
permissible and advisable are two different things.

i mean, didn't the prophet (saw) forbid ali to take another wife while he was married to fatima?
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glo
05-27-2009, 05:38 PM
As the saying so nicely goes "What is permissible isn't necessarily beneficial" ...
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ardianto
05-27-2009, 06:06 PM
If you want to have four wives, at first you must become a very good Muslim, then you must have a big income. If you are not a very good Muslim and you have no enough income, you better forget your plan.
Have more than one wive need a big responsibility. That's why my wive is only one and I think one wive is enough.


format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
ermm yes to the good looking part but the money is not mine its my dad so inshallah ill get it passed over and no i would go back home and take them their cost of liveing cheaper and how about
What...???. The money is not yours..???.
You want to marry four women and you want your dad pay everything...???.
If I am your dad, I will hang you on tomato tree !
Reply

Güven
05-27-2009, 06:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ameena*
:sl: Well Allaah did permit it, I don't understand why people are making such a fuss over it. If his intention is pure, Allaah only knows, then we should be making du'a for him that Allaah SWT makes it easy on him to carry such a heavy load (but at the same time, a blessing).
:w:

The Qu'ran does not encourage it though.

Allah swt only Permitted under such and such circumstances.

Like widows, orphans or women who needed protectors etc.

and not for own personal desires.

Im wondering how this young man would handle all 4 EQUALLY and also remember the children,

A father with four women, in this time and place, How would that child be treated?
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 06:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
ermm yes to the good looking part but the money is not mine its my dad so inshallah ill get it passed over and no i would go back home and take them their cost of liveing cheaper and how about

1houses
1 car
1 washing machine
1 tv
...etc..
i dont think there gna like sharing their things just like they wont like sharing there ...er..oh so handsome husband. :X

you might wna add some hair dye to that list, ...you know...cuz of the white hairs you get from stress.:D

I see...do u mean u plan to marry all 4 from back home? ...that would be possible..people are despearte to get their daughters married because of poverty, so i guess you would have no trouble.But you gt something else coming to you if u think u can do that with girls here.were a bit more aware of our rights you see :)
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The Ruler
05-27-2009, 07:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
i just wanted to see responces on this i plan on have 4 wives who are virgins is this wrong mindset i know i got permishion from allah has given green light but i just want to see what you think how would you feel if you had a family member with this mindset
No.

If I had a family member with such a mindset, I would think he was sexually frustrated, simply put.
Reply

S_87
05-27-2009, 07:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
i just wanted to see responces on this i plan on have 4 wives who are virgins is this wrong mindset i know i got permishion from allah has given green light but i just want to see what you think how would you feel if you had a family member with this mindset
i would say to them- you are very young so it is easy to say that- marry one woman first and see how much responsibility you are taking on, if you feel you are capable financially, emotionally and physically plus give them their rights as ordained by Allah then go ahead and suit yourself. and id say why is virginity so important?
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 09:03 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Well, that's a start! (Although in your first post you sounded pretty determined to marry 4 wives!)


So good?
So good at what??

You think that you need more than one wife to compensate for the things one wife alone may be lacking in?
Do you think the point of wives is to meet your every need and fulfill your evey desire?

Ask yourself, will you be able to meet the needs and desires of your wife - let alone four?? :?

Forgive me, brother, but you sound very immature! I hope that you will give yourself some time before entering into any marriage arrangements.

Peace
even tho i dont need her concent to marry again
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 09:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
i dont think there gna like sharing their things just like they wont like sharing there ...er..oh so handsome husband. :X

you might wna add some hair dye to that list, ...you know...cuz of the white hairs you get from stress.:D

I see...do u mean u plan to marry all 4 from back home? ...that would be possible..people are despearte to get their daughters married because of poverty, so i guess you would have no trouble.But you gt something else coming to you if u think u can do that with girls here.were a bit more aware of our rights you see :)
my plan is to marry one over here and trap her and marry the rest back home
Reply

yusuf18
05-27-2009, 09:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Güven
:w:

The Qu'ran does not encourage it though.

Allah swt only Permitted under such and such circumstances.

Like widows, orphans or women who needed protectors etc.

and not for own personal desires.

Im wondering how this young man would handle all 4 EQUALLY and also remember the children,

A father with four women, in this time and place, How would that child be treated?
brother dont you see the point of it allah alowed it becouse of many reason one being to save men from commiting zina so he made halal way simple as
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 09:07 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
permissible and advisable are two different things.

i mean, didn't the prophet (saw) forbid ali to take another wife while he was married to fatima?
omg thats such a weak claim becouse ali wanted to marry the enimey of allah and his messenger he was a bitter enemy to the profhet thats why he said no
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 09:08 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
If you want to have four wives, at first you must become a very good Muslim, then you must have a big income. If you are not a very good Muslim and you have no enough income, you better forget your plan.
Have more than one wive need a big responsibility. That's why my wive is only one and I think one wive is enough.



What...???. The money is not yours..???.
You want to marry four women and you want your dad pay everything...???.
If I am your dad, I will hang you on tomato tree !
its a busseness and i work for him its his money but im still working
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Güven
05-27-2009, 09:09 PM
Why do you need 4 wives then? Isn't one enough?

you are making it for yourself even more difficult.
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 09:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Güven
Why do you need 4 wives then? Isn't one enough?

you are making it for yourself even more difficult.
who said its difficult
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S_87
05-27-2009, 09:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
who said its difficult
hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa you have definitely not been the receiver of pms :rollseyes Even men who have more than one wife acknowledge it is an extremely difficult thing. taking on one womans emotions is hard enough but taking on four? you would have to be there for them and their rants and moods and obviously take on that you would have kids from all four of them so to be there for the kids, raise them and do your bit as their father, give each woman the time she needs so she knows that you value her-youre running 4 households, running one is hard enough, its not just all about the physical side of it all....honestly brother, if you really want to marry 4 women, then fine but it is not gonna be a ride in the park and when you marry just one woman you will realise that.

my plan is to marry one over here and trap her and marry the rest back home
the way you said that, youre going to trap a woman into something like this? you dont deserve even one wife if that is your mentality :)
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 10:17 PM
[QUOTE=amani;1149552]hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa you have definitely not been the receiver of pms :rollseyes Even men who have more than one wife acknowledge it is an extremely difficult thing. taking on one womans emotions is hard enough but taking on four? you would have to be there for them and their rants and moods and obviously take on that you would have kids from all four of them so to be there for the kids, raise them and do your bit as their father, give each woman the time she needs so she knows that you value her-youre running 4 households, running one is hard enough, its not just all about the physical side of it all....honestly brother, if you really want to marry 4 women, then fine but it is not gonna be a ride in the park and when you marry just one woman you will realise that.


the way you said that, youre going to trap a woman into something like this? you dont deserve even one wife if that is your mentality :)[/QUOTE and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the 1 becouse the rest back home are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them in money terms and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 10:19 PM
[QUOTE=yusuf18;1149576]
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa you have definitely not been the receiver of pms :rollseyes Even men who have more than one wife acknowledge it is an extremely difficult thing. taking on one womans emotions is hard enough but taking on four? you would have to be there for them and their rants and moods and obviously take on that you would have kids from all four of them so to be there for the kids, raise them and do your bit as their father, give each woman the time she needs so she knows that you value her-youre running 4 households, running one is hard enough, its not just all about the physical side of it all....honestly brother, if you really want to marry 4 women, then fine but it is not gonna be a ride in the park and when you marry just one woman you will realise that.


the way you said that, youre going to trap a woman into something like this? you dont deserve even one wife if that is your mentality :)[/QUOTE and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the 1 becouse the rest back home are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them in money terms and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the are rest back home and are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them (in money terms) and they not influenced by the west and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
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convert
05-27-2009, 10:42 PM
mashaAllah. a guy's gotta have a dream i guess.
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chacha_jalebi
05-27-2009, 10:44 PM
woaaah blud easy tiger :p

why do the wifes have to be virgins lol? seems like your fantasys are gettin the better of you, marry one and see how it goes, then think about 4 :D
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 10:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
mashaAllah. a guy's gotta have a dream i guess.
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
woaaah blud easy tiger :p

marry one and see how it goes, then think about 4 :D
no no
noooooooooooooo :enough!:
this is affecting all of you

YOU MEN! ...degenerate specie.....+o(
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convert
05-27-2009, 10:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
no no
noooooooooooooo :enough!:
this is affecting all of you

YOU MEN! ...degenerate specie.....+o(
let him get one wife and then see what he says. i have a feeling that habibi will change his tune quick, fast, and in a hurry.
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 10:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
mashaAllah. a guy's gotta have a dream i guess.
its not a dream from were im from and it might be for you speak for yourself
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Tony
05-27-2009, 11:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
let him get one wife and then see what he says. i have a feeling that habibi will change his tune quick, fast, and in a hurry.
A pogues quote, "two wives are allowed in the army, but ones too many for me"
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convert
05-27-2009, 11:03 PM
he's gonna look back at himself one of these days and have a huge fit of laughter.
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yusuf18
05-27-2009, 11:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
he's gonna look back at himself one of these days and have a huge fit of laughter.
oyea nothink funny about it from were im from its our culture so its the norm for us rofl
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Sahabiyaat
05-27-2009, 11:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
oyea nothink funny about it from were im from its our culture so its the norm for us rofl
cool.If its the norm, just make sure u treat um right.Allah is wathcing you brother.All the best
peace out (of this thread). :w:
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Tony
05-27-2009, 11:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
oyea nothink funny about it from were im from its our culture so its the norm for us rofl
good on you bro, as long as theres brothers like you the rest of us get a bit extrapeace and quiet, knock ur self out my friend u just helpurself
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The Ruler
05-28-2009, 01:22 AM
[QUOTE=yusuf18;1149578]
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the are rest back home and are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them (in money terms) and they not influenced by the west and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
That post in itself tells me that you won't be able to treat the four equally. You don't need the West to teach a woman to have kids; you don't need the West to teach a woman the need for love, security and support; and you most certainly don't need the West to teach a woman desire.

A woman, in Pakistan or in the West, is a mother, a wife, a lover. She does not need the society to teach her that.

You, akhee, don't understand women at all. And you want four. *snorts*
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Rebel
05-28-2009, 05:50 AM
You're still a boy; it's too early to be thinking about this sorta stuff. Concentrate on your studies for now, son, and I can assure you that by the time you're mature enough to get married, you won't be thinking this way. Unless of course you ended up being another sorry excuse for a man whose brain is situated in a certain body part that is definately not his head, then all I can do is pray the poor women you try to con into marrying you aren't as foolish as you are n send you home with a good kick where it hurts. And I hope - although I doubt - you will then understand that there's more to marriage than what you have in mind...

Good luck, bro :X
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glo
05-28-2009, 06:27 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
even tho i dont need her concent to marry again
Is that true?
I always thought a man was supposed to ask his wife's permission to marry more wives ...
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~TwinklingStar~
05-28-2009, 06:50 AM
[QUOTE=yusuf18;1149578]
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the are rest back home and are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them (in money terms) and they not influenced by the west and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
This is Immaturity at its highest...Misinterpretatting the laws of Allah to suit ur own whims & fancies.

You're supposed to treat all your wives EQUALLY !!!

1. You are required to spend equal time with each one of your wives..if you're only going to live with one & be a vacation husabnd to the other 3, you'll be answerable to Allah for your injustice in treating your wives inequally.

2. You're not going to have kids with all of them...meaning you're going to deny 3 women the right to children , which again is a sin.

3. You think women back home only need money, not love, affection & care of a husband... ohh, you poor misguided soul.

Marriage is NOT a joke...It has to be taken very very seriously. Imo, you're not even capable of being a husband to one, let alone four.
Reply

S_87
05-28-2009, 10:08 AM
[QUOTE=yusuf18;1149578]
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the are rest back home and are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them (in money terms) and they not influenced by the west and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
ok where the hell is 'back home' and why in the world are you going to mary 3 women from 'back home' when you have no intention of even being a husband to them? that is such a crap idea and are you trying to say that 'back home' people are not 'influenced by the west' because HA HA HA.
Women are women wherever they are and NO its not a piece of cake.

Please concentrate on your school work because i dont think youre a day older than 14.

glo- no he doesnt need her permission :)
Reply

glo
05-28-2009, 11:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
glo- no he doesnt need her permission :)
I see.

Would the husband be required to tell each wife about the others ... or could he have 4 wives without each of them knowing about each other?
Reply

convert
05-28-2009, 11:45 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
I see.

Would the husband be required to tell each wife about the others ... or could he have 4 wives without each of them knowing about each other?
hypothetically he could. practically, it would be neither easy nor advisable.
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 12:35 PM
SubhanAllah. Being recently married I know my husband couldn't cope with pleasing another wife and treating her the same way he treats me. I think bro Yusuf needs to think hard and CLEARLY about what he is planning to do. I also advise he seeks Islamic advice from a respected and knowlegable scholar. Good luck justifying ur actions bro.

Oh and FYI; when I say "respected and knowlegable scholar" I don't mean a village Imam from "back home".
Reply

glo
05-28-2009, 12:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by convert
hypothetically he could. practically, it would be neither easy nor advisable.
I was wonderfing whether he is Islamically required to tell each wife about the others, or whether he could do it in secret ...
Reply

~TwinklingStar~
05-28-2009, 12:58 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
I was wonderfing whether he is Islamically required to tell each wife about the others, or whether he could do it in secret ...
No evidence appears neither in the Qur’an nor sunnah requiring the permission of the first wife if her husband wishes to marry another wife, and therefore he is not required to ask her permission. However, he needs to be judicious in taking this decision and to weigh it carefully with respect to benefits and drawbacks and to look with the eye of wisdom at all of the considerations pertaining to the matter, and he should strive all he can to conciliate, reassure, and satisfy his first wife, in order to ease and mitigate the effect of the matter upon her.


http://islamqa.com/en/ref/61/second%20wife
Reply

Sampharo
05-28-2009, 01:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
i just wanted to see responces on this i plan on have 4 wives who are virgins is this wrong mindset i know i got permishion from allah has given green light but i just want to see what you think how would you feel if you had a family member with this mindset

and no i will not have kids with all of them and in a way i will be only haveing 1 wife becouse the are rest back home and are islamicly correct and it doesnt take to much to please them (in money terms) and they not influenced by the west and yes i do agrea that haveing 4 wives here will be difficult but back home its a peace of cake
Dear Yousef,

Entering into a marriage is a binding contract and a large commitment upon which the nuclear structure of Islamic society is built. Marriage and divorce are not a game, and Almighty Allah gave the most details in the Qur'an about how solemn this contract is, especially the role of men in protecting and maintaining their wives.

First there are conditions to having multiple wives. First you need to provide justice, and that includes treating them similarly without favouring one over the other, providing for them equally in spending money and shelter, as well as time and marital relations. Already you say you think of only living with one and having children with her and not the others, and that is not permissible.

Second there is spending ability. People who marry several wives must be able to provide for all of them equally and sufficiently. You may not marry more than one if you can hardly spend on one. If you live with one in the west and three more are back home, whatever you spend on the first you have to spend on the other three. Not doing so violates the first condition and also is deceiptful to do so based on that they will not know what you are spending in the West on the first wife.

Those are conditions without which marriage to multiple women is not permissible. However, they are not solely sufficient to allow it:

For example, it is not permissible to marry a woman while planning actively not to procreate with her. She has inalienable rights to have a family and children and you have no right to prevent that. Also, you are not allowed to marry and then abandon them physically, for marriage to several women has been specifically allowed in order to aid with inproportionate numbers of women to men, that all women can have chastity and have a husband to which they share compassionate love and intimacy and physical oneness.

Additionally, if you live in a country that disallows polygamy, you are not allowed to break those laws and keep things in secret.

As for not informing the wives about each other, yes it is indeed not a prerequisite to not seek permission or inform the wives that you will marry someone else, but it is Islamically not permissible and not allowed to be deceiptful and marry a woman without telling her you are already married and that you are planning already to marry more. It is her right and the right of her guardian to perhaps have conditions that they are notified and just as God has given you the right to marry and they don't have the right to prevent you, she has the inalienable right to have her emotions and trust trampled on.

Finally and most importantly, as mentioned in the beginning Yousef, marriage is a sacred commitment between two people, and taking God's allowances and gaming them like that for rediculous reasons is HIGHLY sinful. It is NOT permissible to marry four women out of challenge or to give yourself fame.

So to answer your question, yes this is a very wrong mindset.

And God knows best
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 01:23 PM
[QUOTE=amani;1149731]
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18

ok where the hell is 'back home' and why in the world are you going to mary 3 women from 'back home' when you have no intention of even being a husband to them? that is such a crap idea and are you trying to say that 'back home' people are not 'influenced by the west' because HA HA HA.
Women are women wherever they are and NO its not a piece of cake.

Please concentrate on your school work because i dont think youre a day older than 14.

glo- no he doesnt need her permission :)
no sorry your wrong maybe my english is not good becouse its my second langue and im 18 and muture so its not right you calling me 14
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 01:30 PM
[QUOTE=~TwinklingStar~;1149696]
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18

This is Immaturity at its highest...Misinterpretatting the laws of Allah to suit ur own whims & fancies.

You're supposed to treat all your wives EQUALLY !!!

1. You are required to spend equal time with each one of your wives..if you're only going to live with one & be a vacation husabnd to the other 3, you'll be answerable to Allah for your injustice in treating your wives inequally.

2. You're not going to have kids with all of them...meaning you're going to deny 3 women the right to children , which again is a sin.

3. You think women back home only need money, not love, affection & care of a husband... ohh, you poor misguided soul.

Marriage is NOT a joke...It has to be taken very very seriously. Imo, you're not even capable of being a husband to one, let alone four.
there will be no injustice note the money is the only thing i have to be fair profhet muhammad said this (o allah this is what i can do but don't blame me something which i have no control over which is the( love) sahi muslim
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 01:30 PM
Bro you're acting like a 14yr old. Ur english has nothing to do with it
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 01:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Rebel
You're still a boy; it's too early to be thinking about this sorta stuff. Concentrate on your studies for now, son, and I can assure you that by the time you're mature enough to get married, you won't be thinking this way. Unless of course you ended up being another sorry excuse for a man whose brain is situated in a certain body part that is definately not his head, then all I can do is pray the poor women you try to con into marrying you aren't as foolish as you are n send you home with a good kick where it hurts. And I hope - although I doubt - you will then understand that there's more to marriage than what you have in mind...

Good luck, bro :X
i finshed my studies and also how the hell can you say its to earlry in this day of age were there is loads of fitna profhet muhammad encouaged people who have money to get married and not wait sorrry you advise is wrong
Reply

convert
05-28-2009, 01:33 PM
i know when i was 18, i was far from mature. i mean, i could grow mean sideburns but thats the extent of my maturity.
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 01:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
Is that true?
I always thought a man was supposed to ask his wife's permission to marry more wives ...
subanallah wake up sister why would he neeed her permision when he has got it from ALLAH the most great subannalah stick to the sunnah
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 01:54 PM
Right bro yusuf. Stop mouthin' off and read what we are saying to u! No wonder people turn from Islam because they believe it abuses women. Do you know where they get that from? Immature people like u who take rulings of Islam on face value and don't get the correct understanding of it. Sure get married if you are able. DON'T ABUSE A RIGHT ALLAH HAS GIVEN U! Because that's is what you are doing right now!!!
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 01:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AhlaamBella
Right bro yusuf. Stop mouthin' off and read what we are saying to u! No wonder people turn from Islam because they believe it abuses women. Do you know where they get that from? Immature people like u who take rulings of Islam on face value and don't get the correct understanding of it. Sure get married if you are able. DON'T ABUSE A RIGHT ALLAH HAS GIVEN U! Because that's is what you are doing right now!!!
sister i do have correct understanding and dont ever even in you mind think that islam abuses women just look at the west you can treat the women like peace of meat and they exploit her and whats worse is she thinks it ok becouse the men tricked and said express yourself but in islam you have to honour the women and marry her not just 1 night and say bye
Reply

Yanal
05-28-2009, 02:08 PM
Wait you want four wives at once ?
Reply

Sampharo
05-28-2009, 02:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
sister i do have correct understanding and dont ever even in you mind think that islam
Yusuf, as a scholar of Islam I can tell you beyond a shred of doubt, that no you DON'T have correct understanding of Islam. You were told by myself and others so many non-permissible things, and instead I am seeing you arguing with the people here and morover saying more things out of ignorance:

there will be no injustice note the money is the only thing i have to be fair profhet muhammad said this
Absolutely incorrect. You must provide them with equal time and equal marital physical relationship. You must spend the night in the bed of each one equally. If your heart favours one, that is not a sin. If you APPLY different treatment based on that and spend more nights with one than the other, it is not permissible. This is UNANIMOUS amongst all Islamic math-habs, that means that all of the scholars and Imams say this. Do not make up your own rules to find an excuse to do what you are planning to do.

And you already said that you will not spend equally anyway since you said the three will not know about what is in the West, so even that you are already breaking.
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 02:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
sister i do have correct understanding and dont ever even in you mind think that islam abuses women just look at the west you can treat the women like peace of meat and they exploit her and whats worse is she thinks it ok becouse the men tricked and said express yourself but in islam you have to honour the women and marry her not just 1 night and say bye
What you plan to do isn't any better. Ship them back home and deny them children. You're wrong brother.
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 02:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AhlaamBella
What you plan to do isn't any better. Ship them back home and deny them children. You're wrong brother.
ok the denying children bit was abit of sorry allah knows if i will
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 02:28 PM
and shipping them back home?
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 02:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AhlaamBella
and shipping them back home?
anyway sister they will be happy
Reply

The Ruler
05-28-2009, 02:43 PM
Ohoho~ And you base that on what exactly?
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 02:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
anyway sister they will be happy
Happy without a husband? Happy having to cope alone? U need help.
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 02:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AhlaamBella
Happy without a husband? Happy having to cope alone? U need help.
they will get frequent visits no problem
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AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 03:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
they will get frequent visits no problem
frequent visits isn't the point!!!! Did the prophet s.a.w ship his wives off to another country??
Reply

Sahabiyaat
05-28-2009, 03:01 PM
.actually...its quite a common practice
one back home to look after ur folks and one here to look after your kids, and a girlfriend to look after you.
*sigh* how women are abused for being women...
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AhlaamBella
frequent visits isn't the point!!!! Did the prophet s.a.w ship his wives off to another country??
and you know what some women all they want is children and thats it
Reply

S_87
05-28-2009, 03:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
I see.

Would the husband be required to tell each wife about the others ... or could he have 4 wives without each of them knowing about each other?
well he doesnt have to 'tell' her but islamically a marriage must be announced and made public so the wife will have to know, plus in sharing their time, the wife would again have to know so yes the wives pretty much would know about each other unless the man is a total ..... and keeps his wife as a mistress :)

subanallah wake up sister why would he neeed her permision when he has got it from ALLAH the most great subannalah stick to the sunnah
hahaha why dont you stick to the sunnah and start thinking about women as human beings with feelings?
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:11 PM
The Prophet said: 'I was shown the Hell Fire and the majority of its dwellers were women who are disbelievers or ungrateful.' When asked what they were ungrateful for, the Prophet answered, 'All the favors done for them by their husbands.'" so be grateful and women theses days ask for to much
Reply

S_87
05-28-2009, 03:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
no sorry your wrong maybe my english is not good becouse its my second langue and im 18 and muture so its not right you calling me 14
your english has nothing to do with the fact that ur speaking total crap.
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
well he doesnt have to 'tell' her but islamically a marriage must be announced and made public so the wife will have to know, plus in sharing their time, the wife would again have to know so yes the wives pretty much would know about each other unless the man is a total ..... and keeps his wife as a mistress :)



hahaha why dont you stick to the sunnah and start thinking about women as human beings with feelings?
ofcourse i think women as human beings thats such an absurd statment the simple fact is all men are hungry wolves some hide it better so sisters are like the catch has to be the best one so sisters beware of men never trust them and give your heart before marriage
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Güven
05-28-2009, 03:17 PM
speak for yourself would you.
Reply

yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Güven
speak for yourself would you.
brother i have to tell truth so i can help sisters:)
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S_87
05-28-2009, 03:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
The Prophet said: 'I was shown the Hell Fire and the majority of its dwellers were women who are disbelievers or ungrateful.' When asked what they were ungrateful for, the Prophet answered, 'All the favors done for them by their husbands.'" so be grateful and women theses days ask for to much
you want to quote?

But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice (among them), then (marry) only one
4:3

the way you speak you do not plan on being just to them AT all

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.
Abu Dawud
Reply

S_87
05-28-2009, 03:21 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
ofcourse i think women as human beings thats such an absurd statment the simple fact is all men are hungry wolves some hide it better so sisters are like the catch has to be the best one so sisters beware of men never trust them and give your heart before marriage
thanks for that advice ill sure remember it in the future :rollseyes
with your thinking women shouldnt give their hearts even after marriage...
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:23 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
you want to quote?

But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice (among them), then (marry) only one
4:3

the way you speak you do not plan on being just to them AT all

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.
Abu Dawud
subnallah so the profhet contradicted him self when he said to allah ./o allah this is what i can do so dont blame me of something i dont have control over which is the heart ./ and subnallah truth prevails falsehood allah says (And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.) so as long as i dont divorce her and leave her hanging its ok
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Güven
05-28-2009, 03:23 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
brother i have to tell truth so i can help sisters:)

I may understand the "never trust men" part.

but how can you say ALL men are hungry wolves?
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S_87
05-28-2009, 03:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
subnallah so the profhet contradicted him self when he said to allah ./o allah this is what i can do so dont blame me of something i dont have control over which is the heart ./ and subnallah truth prevails falsehood allah says (And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.) so as long as i dont divorce her and leave her hanging its ok
actually Muhammed :arabic5: gave absolute justice to his wives so wrong again. He treated them equally and gave them all their rights and time and was there for them when they needed him emotionally or otherwise. you plan on having three wives back home 'hanging' from the way you speak so dont you dare compare your thinking to the way Muhammed :arabic5: were with his wives.
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Güven
I may understand the "never trust men" part.

but how can you say ALL men are hungry wolves?
we all know that men have the tendency to become a hungry wolf some hide it better then otheres and otheres not so well
Reply

Tony
05-28-2009, 03:28 PM
Sorry to butt in here, salam aleiykum (ducks to avoid flying pot) slightly off topic but this reminds for some reason of the revelation re end of days where 1 man will look after 10 women. Perhaps our brother is young and naive but I dont think he is nescessarilly wrong. ok m gone continue your fight+o(
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
actually Muhammed :arabic5: gave absolute justice to his wives so wrong again. He treated them equally and gave them all their rights and time and was there for them when they needed him emotionally or otherwise. you plan on having three wives back home 'hanging' from the way you speak so dont you dare compare your thinking to the way Muhammed :arabic5: were with his wives.
and dont you dare compare your thinking like the mothers of the belevers
:)
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S_87
05-28-2009, 03:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by TKTony
Sorry to butt in here, salam aleiykum (ducks to avoid flying pot) slightly off topic but this reminds for some reason of the revelation re end of days where 1 man will look after 10 women. Perhaps our brother is young and naive but I dont think he is nescessarilly wrong. ok m gone continue your fight+o(
its not about him being wrong brother, in all honesty im not the 'anti polygamy' type at all its the way he speaks of women that has me so riled up and its people like him who have sisters thinking that men wanting to marry more than once are total pricks
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:30 PM
And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.)
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S_87
05-28-2009, 03:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
and dont you dare compare your thinking like the mothers of the belevers
:)
LOL did i say that you wanting to marry more than once is wrong dear brother.
Its your intention and the way you speak of your future wives that has me :raging:
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
LOL did i say that you wanting to marry more than once is wrong dear brother.
Its your intention and the way you speak of your future wives that has me :raging:
may allah make you one day in a polgamy relationship ameen::thumbs_up
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S_87
05-28-2009, 03:33 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.)
with regards to matters of the heart or on spending time with them and spending on them?
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by amani
with regards to matters of the heart or on spending time with them and spending on them?
regaring heart and makeing love spending ofcourse has to be fair
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AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 03:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
may allah make you one day in a polgamy relationship ameen::thumbs_up
WHAT??? Bro are u for real?? Or are u just some mI5 agents wasting our time making fun of Islam?
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S_87
05-28-2009, 03:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
regaring heart and makeing love spending ofcourse has to be fair
and you have said you would deprive 3 of your back home wives from kids. and you will keep them back home too, so how would you divide your time between two countries realistically?
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yusuf18
05-28-2009, 03:37 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AhlaamBella
WHAT??? Bro are u for real?? Or are u just some mI5 agents wasting our time making fun of Islam?
subanallah walhi you are wrong im a student of islam and want to become sheikh how dare you say im not muslim allah is watching you and i would never never never make fun of islam and i havent
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AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 03:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
subanallah walhi you are wrong im a student of islam and want to become sheikh how dare you say im not muslim allah is watching you
Did I say u arn't muslim??

And just so u know, the stuff u have been spitting out sure doesn't sound like Islam to me
Reply

Tony
05-28-2009, 03:42 PM
Easy guys it not befitting that we fight like this, nonmuslims will be put off, why not agree to differ, wish each other peace and quit this argument. Allah knows best is all we need to agree on. Peace
Reply

Beardo
05-28-2009, 03:45 PM
There's nothing wrong with polygamy in Islam. As far as rules of the land, that's a whole different issue. Having more than 1 wife also has rulings, though. Such as being just and equal with each one... Personally, I don't think I'm capable of doing that by nature.
Reply

AhlaamBella
05-28-2009, 03:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by TKTony
Easy guys it not befitting that we fight like this, nonmuslims will be put off, why not agree to differ, wish each other peace and quit this argument. Allah knows best is all we need to agree on. Peace
You're right brother. I just don't want the non-muslims on the forum thinking ideas bro yusuf have are promoted or permissible in Islam. It isn't good Da'wah
Reply

Güven
05-28-2009, 03:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by yusuf18
we all know that men have the tendency to become a hungry wolf some hide it better then otheres and otheres not so well
Im Going to become a wolf now.

A thread closing Wolf.:rollseyes


Seriously this is going nowhere, There is been given enough advice.

If the brother really wants this then May Allah SWT Grant the Brother SABR and (a) Successful marriage(s), Ameen.


Thread Closed
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